Tuesday, 18 March 2014


I was having the same day as I was yesterday. I really could not believe it, though it has probably happened before on consecutive days but I just cannot recall it?

Today I was determined to go out and do...something! I had decided to go to the Town Centre and actually do some visual shopping before tomorrow when I get paid, not that I have a lot to spend. Also I always do these things just for something to do and yet never ever buy the things I checked out beforehand!

I still always manage to spend too much though, though I think much of this is down to the Royal Bank of Scotlands crap system and app on my phone. I dare say that knowing the banks they are all like this?! I can look at my balance a day after purchasing something and not realise that the purchase the day before has not been taken out, giving me a false amount.

I have always told the bank staff at the HQ that this is just stupid and that the networking and technology is there to make these things happen immediately! They always seem to have blank looks but as this is mostly by email and at odd times phone I just get this pregnant pause.

So I have no get up and go again as far as my body is concerned but yet again my mind is working at a different speed! Well at least parts of it are?! In fact since I have realised my problem is down to scrambled brain signals I have started to analyse this and come to the conclusion that parts of my brain seem to work at different speeds. I have stated before that it feels like a battle between my mind and my body but when you think about it all of it is to do with the brain!

So in my mind my conscious mind and the section that needs that 'entertainment' is doing a thousand miles per hour. The other parts seem to go at five hundred miles an hour at the best of times and so slow they are going backwards in time at other times!

I am extremely interested to know exactly why this is, well if they actually know that is?! It may turn out that in my analysiation of my own condition I may discover things for myself whereby some of which my not be known to science. After all each person of intellect will have their own view and way of looking at things. Mine seems to be rather unique and that as I mentioned in that last acrhitects part my thought processes and problem solving part of my mind has had the tendencies to go into a kind of turboed mode! This is not all the time though ond anyone I know will tell you that there are also times that what appears to be the simplest things simply escape me. For instance I have liekly stated on here in the past that with computers provided I am focused and not distracted my stressful things I can do almost anything. Yet in a friends store, and any friends that have had stores in the past, present me with an electronic till and I am simply lost, yet I can almost always know what the 'No Sale' button is and I know that this opens the till! Lol!

But the neuro pathways that run from different parts of the body to the brain moust be in the thousands at least, possibly millions of pathways if you factor in that one thing has to go to all parts of the body and there are many different things those myriads of starnds have to deal with? So if you think of this is in the terms of the lottery and the number of possible combinations out of just 49 numbers, in the UK lottery, and the chances are a little under 14 Billion to one, then think of these millions of strands. There may be a set core of things that are always affected, only possibly, and then there could be any number of combinations frm the rest? It may affect one type of neural pathway but to all or only one of each?!

Bearing in mind that we have the normal five senses of touch, taste, sight, smell....and err the other one, lol. Then there are the fact that skin, glands, organs, muscles (along with tendons and ligaments) and many others are all connected via this. Or in other words there are the pathways we are not consiously aware of, well at least until something goes wrong and a symptom develops, if there is indeed one, before we know it is there.

This is a good way to state that when we experience symptoms it is our bodies way of telling our brain and therefore our consious mind that something is wrong! This inevitably means that we should stop doing it! At the end of the day this is what the messsages mean! I suppose that the idea being that if we rest the illness or injury can cure itself but we know that this is not always possible. When of course this is not possible then our habits change to deal with this nea ailment and we endeavour to find a way to work around it to survive. As this is supposed to be the 21st century we look for modern ways to kill the pain or feeling of illness via drugs.

Now quite unforunately a humungous amount of health professionals seem to have either forgotten this or are ignoring this for their own personal gain or survival!!

I do mean that in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately the truth is difficult to deal with and I am well aware of that. But despite the opoosing thoughts many might have the facts remain the same I am afraid. So you could argue that the profession of health has become vampiric in nature. They are feeding of the injuries and illnesses of others, masquerading as people who can cure all ills or stop all pains either permanantly of temporarily until a proper diagnosis and drug is found.

Which is also why I now find it weird that the refusal of the approval of drugs already in use for other ailments wven when they are similar or not even as bad as the ailment they have been refused for?!

In fact I find the reasoning to be completely contradictory to the very nature of drugs!

A great many drugs do have an effect on the mind and there are many drugs given in any quantity will have an effect on the mind. These drugs ARE avaialable whether they are approved or not and this IS he age of the Internet.

Or to put it another way if I had the money I would be now scouring for a supplier of Sodium oxybate, make no mistake about it. I would not care as to its expense provided I could afford it without starving myself to death that is or sacrificing too much of anything else?!

I could even now state that this is indeed one of the goals of using Google and their Adsense was that once I had managed to diagnose my condition, whether I had cornered the NHS into diagnosing or diagnosing it for myself. After all it became bloody obvious a long time ago that the NHS were going to wriggle like proverbial worms to NOT diagnose what I was affected by and this much is obvious due to the number of avenues I went down only to reach a dead end!

All this was proved on the recording I made when I put my last GP into a corner and he stated “some people go there whole lives not knowing what their causes their pain”?! This statement simply dumbfounded me!

I mean I had known for sometime what was really going on but when he stated this to me I was simply stunned momentarily. For me hearing this was far, far greater an admission that my previous GP closing her practise down and taking my privately paid for x-rays with her! This is because that not only was there no interest whatsoever in wanting to know themselves, whereas I myself am curious and I think I have proved that now, but also this was done in a laid back fashion and he and others simply had no way of knowing just how disabled I would get and of course the ultimate question, would this be fatal?!

I would have been happy to simply have had an understanding as to how diffucult my condition is to live with and how long I have lived with it before it became sould destroying. But unfortunately I never got that instead I did get some false accusations and even a show of annoyance as they could not ascertain what it was. Well is that not down to the specialists that YOU send me to?!

Morons! LMAO!

At the end of the day I do not know how long someone in the NHS has known but I do know that they have known. They crtainly knew before I discovered it for myself and was proved by way of the two drugs handed to me in succession that were the first to have an effect! I man I was so annoyed I was given Amitriptyline that I was convinced I had them for giving me the wrong drug that will not work! After all it had been 13 years of asking before I was given the one that I had just stopped taking, Gabapentin. Amitriptyline is not the same drug at all as the first is a neurological drug and the second an anti-depresant. Odd too that all the times that I had been given anti-depressants I was never given Amitriptyline! Well I say that but maybe I had as I was sure the drug was an anit-depressant when he stated he was going to prescribe it?! Maybe that was a period in my life where I become a bit more active and made people think I was making it up?!

At the end of all this there will be a number of changes that I seek and one of those is an end to the hell on Earth that is my life and has been my life for quite some time. I have been working towards this using a multitude of avenues and some of those were postponed and some fell by the wayside. Only in the last few years I have endeavoured to polan to perfection and often when I do that, albiet in a much smaller scale, it ends up paying off better than I could have hoped!

Now that I have stated that for all eyes to be forewarned I can now show those others of you interested of the following two scanned documents.

These are of the receipt of the PHSO receiving my signed form, though curiously it does not state as much despite them making a big thing about me having to sign the darned thing before 'we can investigate'.

The following two are two pages from the letter from the NHS to tell me I have had an appointment made with Guy's Hospital, though this has since been changed by me! Lol! I mean look at the time?! 9.20AM for someone whose condition is to do with not getting the proper sleep even when I do get any?! Anyone would think they are already providing me with Sodium oxybate?!

Also even funnier is that fact that had I lived up the road from the hospital there was only a 50/50 chance of getting there at that time and I am being generous there!

But I am outside North London, technically, in Enfield and both Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals are in South London?! I had considered going down there on a night bus, if there was one, and sleeping on a park bench, if I could find one?! Or indeed the hsopital?! Hmm idiot, I never thought of that!

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