Saturday, 31 March 2018


I very literally do not know what is going on at the moment.

My daughter has been getting some pain and likely from the fact that the NHS stupidly gave her a second lot of antibiotics when the first lot did not work? Also that this is worrying because it could be the cancer and right now it as the Easter weekend.

Added to this I have been having some stomach pains of my own that have been on and off. This was accompanied by both an increase in frequency of my chest symptoms and heart palpitations but a prolonged period of it.

I awoke at 3am .. and then had difficulties for several hours with the chest symptoms and palpitations causing me to be extremely restless. I did get back to sleep albeit for just a little while before waking up with the same symptoms and back to being restless once again. Tossing and turning, so to speak.

Still getting the blacking out too and I am scratching my head as to what in the bloody world is going on?! This applies to what my daughter is experiencing too, if you had not guessed.

Ever since I wrote that last post abut that poor young girl who succumbed to cervical cancer some years ago at the age of 19 I have been .. in a .. state.

I told my daughter that I simply did not understand how that story mentioned nothing about punishment or compensation and that I simply could not believe that something did not happen. I stated that it would be literally unbelievable that this could have happened to someone else recently and that they could still get away with it.

I then asked about where all the cancer charities have been and where all the women's charities have been if the government and the NHS have been allowed to get away with this for years?!

My daughter replied "I know!"

There are so many scary things going on that you simply cannot think straight and I am at a loss to how neither have us have had some sort of complete mental breakdown. That is to say one that lands us in some mental institution?!

I even mentioned about this blog and what I had been stating for years now. When talking about the NHS lying and falsifying tests I said that she can now see that I was right all along but how frustrating it has been to not see this blog go viral, how does that even work? She could see that too.

I might have been able to do something abut this a long time ago had most people not been narrow minded or lived in denial. Or it could be that everyone is just inwardly amoral, despite liking to sound as if they have high morals on the outside?

I could not have done anything in time for the other Sophie, mind you, as I had only started blogging around or shortly after she passed away.

In fact I am not even sure I knew the extent of the lies and falsifications within the NHS when I started blogging as many recordings were posted up after I started the blog.

As for other things I predicted over recent years .. crime getting worse but how about in weird ways? Here is one .. Policeman murders his wife?

My daughter was passed off, fobbed off for having something completely different than the fatal illness she actually has .. as was another poor young girl also called Sophie in the same borough several years before and here is a guy that was told he had hurt his leg unknowingly .. he died .. at 29 leaving behind children that will no doubt grow up bitter about the NHS ..

I was getting nervous about where I was living .. there had been a murder within a half a mile of my flat .. in a place I simply did not want to live and now and inside of six months a murder at the end of my road! Yes this is where I live .. technically ..

I still do not know what it is causing the chest symptoms and it simply would not surprise me if I dropped dead. I would not care except ..

The only thing I do not want to do is put my daughter through any more pain than she has been in .. left to put up with and inevitable she will endure more of .. thanks to the NHS, DWP and Local Council of Wirral ..

The Evil Trinity as I have been calling them for so very long and here they are at their very best, or worst, and actually doing the things I have accused them of .. to me .. my daughter .. and my grandchildren!

A catastrophe waiting to happen? A series of catastrophes in fact.

I use the word 'failure' i my tagging to draw people in to my posts but I have always hated and felt quite uncomfortable using this particular word. Because hat suggests it was a mistake or that they did not know what they were doing or what the results of doing what they do, or not, as the case may be, would be. Umm was that last bit even Englash?! Lol.

Friday, 30 March 2018


So as you will see below we are back with the Liverpool Echo local newspaper.

It seems I just can't escape this particular rag?

I was sent this by my daughter and I could not believe what the story was about or the name of the poor girl that died. Added to this was how long ago this was?!

What are the chances of this?!

The first instance of a young woman under the age of 25 having cervical cancer other than my daughter and she not only lived in the same council borough but has the same fucking name?! What makes this even harder to accept without becoming fucking furious with my own country and government is this was back in 2012?! Six bloody years ago and they were calling to lower the age of smear tests back then?!

My daughter, also called Sophie, said "Dad, the minimum age of shear years in Scotland is 20" to which I pointed out even that minimum age would not have helped this poor girl as she was 19! I then said ..

"What is it with this fucking smear test and that fucking stupid law?!"

I can see me going on a very personal war with this country and the government before very long!

If they thought I was a headache already they have no idea and better not put me into a position where I have nothing to lose?!

There are a lot of things I would not only dearly love to do but have dreamed of doing for a very, very long time now.

It had been becoming every more clearer that there exists an absolutely disgusting disregard for human life by the current Tory British government that has also existed with the previous Labour government.

My skin is currently crawling at the thought of these governments and this .. disgusting attitude.
Makes me sick to my stomach when I think of how they wax lyrical about their care and sympathy for the plights of people of another land.

Ooh it's a bit like when I thought the European Union might actually give a shit about the British people and they didn't give any help to even the disabled people of British society.

When are the majority going to stop voting on hypocritical, two faced, amoral morons?!

Hmm .. mind you of they all are I don't suppose there is much you can do about it .. except abstain.
Ahh that's because everyone that's moral doesn't bother voting anymore meaning only the amoral ones that vote for selfish reasons remain!

Ahh yes it makes sense now. The amoral, selfish and heartless politicians have driven those that vote with morals in mind away from the ballot box.

That's why this country has been getting worse for the last thirty years plus!

If someone else also called Sophie had cervical cancer before the age of 20 and in the same borough then there must be a lot across the entire country?!

So where are the figures? Where are the charities shouting from the rooftops about this?!

Where are the fucking women's TV programmes talking about this on the fucking TV?! No I guess an actress getting two million instead of five is far more important?!

Jesus H. Christ!

This is a young woman with cervical cancer, my Fibromyalgia and on top of all that a severely Autistic daughter, possibly another, four children in all living with her and .. only half her rent being awarded annnnd ..

Refused DLA for her Autistic child!

Every single public service tasked to protect vulnerable and sick people and children not just letting them down but kicking them once they are down!

No point in them existing .. the amoral can save even more money by abolishing them all ..

.. I mean they are not paying out anywhere near as many benefits and before long .. won't be paying out any benefits at all. That's their long term plans according to many anyway.

So abolish them all.

Got this damn court case of my own too which is getting at me and I'm having damn heart issues and with still no Doctor to talk to.

Jesus Christ, these amoral wankers really have this planned out and tied up well.

I foresee an increase in frequency in deaths and all I've come to know in recent times is death.

I've lost count of the number of deaths, in fact, that's occurred in my life in recent years.

Yet the one I'd happily accept still continues on in distress, anxiety and pain not to mention these damn palpitations and chest discomfort.

And what a time to quit smoking to hope improving these symptoms.

Oh any my medical records are full of shit too .. yes I have them ..

Diverticulitis down to pills? Umm nope just as I told them at the time and I haven't taken the offending pills for a couple of years.

Falling unconscious down to pills? Umm nope and take a guess at what I also told those most intelligent of people and what I have not been taking the last couple of years?!

Yeah .. I still blackout and two days ago I spent 18 hours in bad pain and basically the symptoms I thought previously might be Diverticulitis.

Your paying for all these self entitled wankers.

I stated to someone in the last few hours .. or was it yesterday? I stated that as well as being in my current situation with more to think about that any single human mind should .. well more symptoms than any human body should .. that I get weary of it all.

The lies, the amoral people, the corruption, the health issues and the situation along with the battles and the pain. 

I just get so tired of it all at times.

Wednesday, 28 March 2018


Currently I am having some real difficulties getting my prescription drugs, some of which keep me alive, which is the fault of the NHS every single step of the way.

I have emailed NHS England three times, emailed the local hospital that has a Walk-In Centre twice, where I am supposed to be able to get my prescriptions, and I have visited a pharmacy and a GP Surgery.

The GP Surgery told me to go to the hospital or ring NHS England and the hospital and NHS England told me to ring '111'. Who are not Doctors. Go figure. Oh and the pharmacy, who are supposed to give out emergency drugs, also told me to ring '111'. It is an absolute mess and I wondered if I had just gotten off a boat from a foreign country if I could get drugs the very same day?

Then I heard that there has been a spate of foreigners with take-way restaurants, we no doubt provided money for them to set up, that have been rigging their gas and electric meters to get free fuel and that has been going on a long time, as it turns out. Hence why the rest of us have such high energy prices.

Well now I have to post a link to the dreaded Daily Mail because a Muslim man who was apparently planning to blow up Big Ben has been found to have two council houses. Reason ..

Because his wife wanted her independence?!

Say what now?!

I kid you not.

Taking money and properties when British people cannot get a single thing, I know because I have tried even as a disabled person there is nothing there.

Now it turns out they are not taking just a single fucking council house but two and I wonder how often this has been occurring too?!

Makes me think of the ones in Poland that were given money to set up there own shop and then killed a young Polish kid for stealing a can of Coke! Saw that one on YouTube and a load of locals went down and caved the front of the shop in with bricks and other items used as projectiles.

Right deep into the most miserable time in the UK's long history with people not only at an all time low, finding out they are being conned, lied to and refused help despite the serious situations they may be in and now this is going to be going around.

The more I think we may soon turn a corner the more I get tagged or linked to things that show it will only get worse.

I still cannot get over it .. a Muslim woman wanting her independence from her Muslim husband and actually gets grated this?! Yeah .. right!

Tuesday, 27 March 2018


Well the UK have asked Mark Zuckerberg to appear before a committee and he had refused.

I don't like the government much, you've read this blog right? But I also don't like heads of large firms that believe themselves to be above the law as well as government.

They are becoming increasingly above reproach.

Mark Zuckerberg wants to send underlings instead. Watch my account vanish within twenty four hours?! Lol.

It is something I have wondered about for years .. that some companies are getting so big that they think themselves above or beyond reproach to anyone and everyone. Seemingly in the process of trying to take over the world too.

The only thing we have in our favour is that there are just too many big organisations trying to take over the world that no one of them will be able to achieve this. Or they are all in some clandestine group like the infamous but mythical Illuminati often joked about online and TV programs like Family Guy.

You can think of bog names like Samsung and Apple and the like but the real dangers come from those that supply online services like the big social media companies or those with operating systems and browsers and such. Facebook, Google and a few others I cannot think of right now. Well I do have memory issues, you know?!

The dangers are going to come down the line and only a few years from now when the heads of these companies refuse requests like this and get away with it. Eventually it will become second nature that they wont have to appear before anyone and therefore the things they get up to will get worse and more illegal and immoral in nature.

In human history there are always those seeking total control, whether it is over a small group, a whole district, a country or even the world. Eh, Mr Putin? Lol!

Strange all this and I would love to see where it ends up down the line but I have this sneaky suspicion I wont be around to witness it?

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg declines to appear before UK MPs


If you recently read the part about a GP Surgery knowing my name, without giving it, when I am 250 miles from my flat and were surprised, possibly surprised?

Well that is nothing.

That is nothing compared to what has happened recently and the best and worst part about it? I simply cannot talk about it!

I cannot talk about it or prove it for legal reasons because I simply do not know what is going on and I cannot talk about it because .. I simply do not bloody know what in the world is going on!

What I can tell you is this though .. many that I know are blown away by it, have been shown proof and are also wondering “what in the world is going on?!” or saying “That just is not possible!” but it has happened. There is no getting around it or denying it.

I also dare say that others are going to hear about this too and from people that have been shown proof and they are all going to say one thing ..

“Oh shit! We are going to have to apologise to him .. again?! He was right all along?!” Yeah .. I have had this in the past too.

I also dare say and have already told others that two people are going to state to others that now I have proof of what I have stated for over five years that I am going to turn up and rub their noses in it. Yeah .. no.

Now I imagine that the person who tells the story, which he does even when I have asked him in the past and he has done so anyway, will state the following “Look? I really do not think he cares. He certainly never has in the past.” Which is true.

Apologies can be sent .. ON a postcard to the following address .. FREEPOST .. LOL!

The reactions I have had thus far today ..

  • What?!
  • Oh fuck, that is weird
  • Interesting
  • I do not want them knocking here!

Yeah that last one may come across as odd .. my daughter laughed when she heard that one.

Also the one that will go around telling this story was a social worker for twenty years plus and one of the disbelievers from six years ago plus. What I was involved in before I started blogging and one of the main reasons I held of starting a blog for a whole year. Until September 2012.

Yeah, yeah I know. I could be on a regular income if I had not held off as I did. Yeah well there are more important things in life than blogging. Like trying to save people's lives and catching out some very bad people and locking them away. Annnd .. trying not to cause unnecessary panic.

When I was speaking to my daughter about this she realised there was only one of three possibilities regarding what was going on ..

  • Crazy Stalker, since ruled out, that has performed many months of research on me
  • A Miracle has just happened when my late friend Old Ken stated it would NEVER happen and that is mentioned on here going back five years
  • A clandestine organisation has just contacted me which I stated were indirectly involved and predicted would happen and the likelihood was extremely high

I could be about to be threatened?

I could be about to be made one of two offers? Though I have completely ruled out one. I would not be blamed for considering said offer as I have not gotten very far anyway and I have been trying for nearly six years and am not sure how much more I can do? Though I still have a mountain of recordings on file I never got around to publish.

But what of the miracle? Yeah well .. there are a few things that are .. stumbling blocks. My age for one. My situation for another one.

I could have had an attempt to lure me into a trap, with this post being .. kind of what they were after? As I stated .. there are legal reasons why I cannot speak about this or show any proof. I do not know what is going on and it might be the one thing I simply cannot envision it to be?

Unfortunately the trap, if of course it was a trap, did not work. I am in no way going to do what they might have hoped that I would. Sorry.

But I will say this .. a lot was said and I was promised that this person was not a clone of me and it is these details that have sent some into a frenzy. It is because of this that I was yelled at by one to do a video call with them. Yeah .. everything about this just seems so unbelievable and everything seems cherry-picked by design. The .. look of it all .. the traits .. the level of intelligence and the subject matters. Even Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan and Richard Feynman were mentioned in conversation. Difficulties with relationships with others due to the level of intelligence. It just goes on and due to my short term memory issues I am not even recalling everything.

How about The GCHQ Puzzle Book? I kid you not!

But trust me when I say that many I know are going a bit nuts about it and do not think it is possible and I have not spoken to many just yet. In fact I am still awaiting a reply from one and I am sure he is going to be blown away.

So what does it all mean? I have absolutely no idea .. if I am honest about it. I know what seems the most likely ..

As I stated some things were ruled out very easily.

But then I tend to be able to do this in a way that surprises most people. But it is all down to body language, though not in this case, and the things that people do not say as well as the things that they do say.

There might be a point later down the line when I can speak about it in greater detail but as of right now I cannot.

Just know that there is .. something!

But it might sound like a fairytale and appear to be a fairytale does not always mean it is a fairytale and .. well .. fairytales just do not seem to happen in my life.


Monday, 26 March 2018


Well there is yet another petition to do with the NHS.

It seems odd to me that everyone seems to want to get involved with saving it but not in dealing with its specific faults. Like who runs it and how it is run.

Many years ago now I realised that they were deliberately avoiding or ignoring certain health conditions and therefore .. patients. I became obvious this was the lesser known conditions and were ignored despite the level of pain or suffering involved.

Now what I assumed at the time is that they must be therefore concentrating on the conditions that are household names, or that everyone would have heard of. Things like Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes along with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's so to speak.

I naturally assumed that anyone with a terminal illness whether this be cancer or something else received the best treatment and understandably so. However before long I had a friend who developed kidney cancer and things were something of an .. eye opener for me.

Old Ken, as he was known, had no one. No help, no support and what little aid he had was outright appalling. No hospital, no visiting Doctors that I saw in my many visits, no charities despite how many there are and not even MacMillan. I was utterly stunned!

Fast forward and as of right now I know a young mother and she has been failed by them all and is now currently being ignored by them all!

The situations she become involved in were the faults of ..

  • Central Government
  • Local Government
  • The NHS

Who is now ignoring her are ..

  • The NHS
  • Local Government
  • The DWP (though this one may be about to change)

What she has to deal with is ..

  • Domestic Violence
  • Severe Autism in at least one child
  • Four children
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Cervical Cancer (not seen because of minimum legal age for smear tests!)
  • Only half the rent being paid so homelessness
  • Terrible health after latest biopsy and given same antibiotic TWICE?!
I could go on for page after page about how many public services are involved and who is involved, like Ofsted and an Independent Review, or Reviewing, Officer.

I could go on about how many times they have acknowledged the terrible mistakes, the number of times demands were made and fingers were pointed. That would be close to two dozen.

I can simply some up in one word how much help and support she has had ..


Soo .. they want to help the NHS yet again and there has been this 6% plus pay rise? sounds to me like things will either stay exactly the same or get worse.

If you believe in just saving careers then by all means sign the petition. If, like me, you believe in the health service doing that which it is both tasked to do and paid to do then I suggest including a comment, which I think it does offer, with your signature and state what they should be doing.


Oh .. you know not of how many levels of which I speak about pain.

But last night took an awhile turn .. to the point my normally narcissistic .. ahem, member of my family tried to talk to me twice about what was happening. They also knew it had been all night too?! Not sure how.

In what was a very .. very rare occasion they looked concerned. I still doubt they will do what needs to be done if it ever gets to that. Like call an emergency number. Well .. yes it is true I never do that myself .. but not for myself. If it was someone I deeply cared about then yes. I just never call anything other than '111' for myself and never ever do that in these instances.

There are those times when your suffering and even badly so and you just want to suffer alone. It is as if anyone being around makes things worse? Not sure anyone can relate?

I am in pain as of right now .. just less so than I was. I did get to sleep around 10am .. ish. It is 11.43am now and I've been awake about 40 minutes and this was down to pain. Quite unfortunately.
I've .. something else going on to that's .. well it's just so peculiar .. no .. 'peculiar' is the wrong word and does not do it justice. Despite the illness that afflicts my daughter currently after another .. 

exploratory and biopsy .. she was blown away at these recent .. developments.

Trust me when I say it very much goes against all odds. And then some.

My daughter thought up the exact same to theories that I did.

One theory went out the window. There are .. three theories but .. one? Just too darn crazy to consider. The odds? Astronomical and that's not even considering any outcome, which I'd also say right now was equally unlikely.

I mean me being ..

I mean .. she being .. all that ..


Maybe at a later date I'll talk more about that. I really don't even know where to start with it all and where I would go with it all?!

I mean .. after recent events didn't seem to pan out could I even use words like 'kindred'.

'Kindred' is a word that my late friend Old Ken never thought would EVER be used to describe anyone associated with me. Ever. I do believe I've stated as much within this blog going back to the beginning.

Yeah .. I can't really ever be accused of ever hiding anything and I can't be accused of claiming things I didn't say .. that's the good thing about blogging. Everything is dated with even a time provided for the posts.

No point in hiding anything.

Oh and .. yeah .. I still possess .. umm probably over 50GB data and yes .. I did think of get the rest up during 2017 but it kind of didn't work out. What with everything else that occurred.

Also .. though it would have certainly brought my blogs up to much higher numbers than I have now ..

Yeah that's the thing about maths .. it has a much greater effect the higher the number of monthly visitors when I do start to publish them.

I also have to go through them all because target foolishly I never renamed the files. As there are dozens and dozens of them and with my memory I can't remember half of them and the ones I do of never find.

Yes, yes there are certainly dozens were I am told more lies .. but which lies and where they are?

Maybe this year at some point I'll get around to sorting then into some sort of order? If I can get them sorted across half a dozen folders, maybe?

Ooh I was supposed to try and get my medication today?! Damn it! Just keeps being postponed.

Oh and I also wanted to try and get out with my damn camera equipment.

This is heading for a bad ending currently. .. I just know it.

Still in pain too.

Daughter still in pain and hearing now she has to return to hospital after they have given her a second lot of the exact same antibiotic they gave her in the beginning?! Well that is a full gone conclusion then and a pointless exercise?!

Heard from my solicitor over my court appearance that is getting ever closer .. yeeeahh not got my printer and would not have space for it if I were able to retrieve it anyway!

Good God, man. I hope that they do attend this hearing. If I fail to turn up because of my health I am worried that this would go against me, though rather incompetently so if it does. If it has looked for two years like I have had a representative that also does not turn up?!

Yeah like I said .. no printer, daughter's cancer worse than they thought, pain, anxiety and memory problems getting worse as is my sleeping, heading south for the winter like everything else. I am worried this will be used and twisted so that they can get what they want.

I am starting to wonder who you would complain to about the HMCTS before I have even had the court hearing?!

Wednesday, 21 March 2018


Well I simply do not believe it.

A number of newspaper reports by The Independent have shown that the DWP and government have to pay back 70,000 disabled people for not paying them benefits?! Jesus .. some good news finally but I will believe it when it happens!

Apparently the reported figure they will have to pay is £340 Million. Yup .. for those that are amoral and do not like the welfare state .. sowwy! Well you have been an idiot and I always said that this was a futile exercise and a complete waste of your tax money, so I have been arguing your .. umm .. arguments. Or points. Well you did not moan about the fact that the government pays tens on millions of pounds each to at least three and maybe four organisations to cheat people. The keyword here that everyone missed that would have made them put s stop to wasting the public's taxes in the first instance is .. cheat. It is also a massive exercise in ignoring the laws as well as any morals .. but I guess that is all OK as long as you are getting what you want? Well do away with laws completely if that was your attitude?! Either have laws or do not have laws, you pays your money you takes your choice!

I am afraid it gets better .. as many might actually get a higher payment than they did previously because I for one got less money than a diabetic friend of mine who admitted that I had more difficulty than him. More frequent then he and whereas he can .. take preventative measures anyone with Fibromyalgia can not. Mostly they can just be careful which does not always work and damn difficult to judge.

I am afraid it gets better still as it also turns out that the government has been found to be discriminatory towards people with mental health problems?!

There is a fucking God!

Ooh the thought of amoral people crying into their cornflakes fills me with joy right now! Well as much joy as I can possibly muster given the circumstances I am faced with.

Now I thought I see a line somewhere that said that the government had put money aside for this? Oh? When did that occur? When they started in case it all went wrong? Or was this a secret plan to cover their arses over their "we are all in it together" crap to state that they always intended to pay us back after we paid for their mistakes?! But I am not sure .. I might be remembering the line wrong?

Now there is just the question of Universal Credit .. I mean .. they now admit that they have been discriminatory towards disabled people so what do they think the Universal Credit has been designed for?! To be FAIR?! I do not fucking think so! Single mothers and unemployed expected to work for 12 pence per hour?! Hmm they might have upped it to 13 pence I am not sure?

Oh and then there is the question of homelessness and the ever inflating rent prices, especially in areas people know and call home .. like my home of London.

Wow this was .. unexpected, I must say.

Government ruled to be discriminatory towards people affected with mental health issues ..

I previously stated that a diabetic friend said that I am worse than he and should get the same higher rate that he gets? After seeing several things but nowhere near everything I have to go through and that was prior to the high blood pressure issues that are not resolved and the heart palpitation issues.

Well guess what? Another story in the Independent about how disabled people were not getting high enough rates ..


Well I simply don't believe it.

I've had my suspicions about certain courts in this land but now I know the truth and it's plain to see.

I've also had my fear that leaving the European Union might be used by the British government to abuse people even more than they have. It might seem odd then that I voted to leave because the EU didn't give a shit about the disabled people in the UK. Well that was one of three reasons and I contacted a few in Europe about the issue a few years back. Nothing happened .. even when you draw them a picture they are only interested in serving themselves, getting billions in cash and dictating the rules to countries that later destroy communities and create divisions over time.

Well .. yeah .. the government have decided to not even wait until we leave the EU. They planned to go to court some months ago in what was claimed to take away the human rights of disabled people.
I thought this preposterous .. I truly did and a waste of the taxpayers money.

Except .. they won?!

As it turns out Esther McVey had been mentioned in the Canary report below.

It also turns out that what they have done is to allow the tribunals to ignore the European laws on human rights. Someone took them to court over bedroom tax and I'm not familiar with the case, if I'm honest. Kinda hard to keep track of anything right now.

But .. despite the fact that they have gotten the tribunals to ignore these .. they can't get higher court, or just the high court, to ignore them?!

Sorry but how the fuck does that work?!

What is happening here effectively is them putting into practice what has been going on for a very, very long time. Deliberately create situations where it takes so long to do anything that you out people off. While at the same time make things too expensive to pursue.

Even one couple, the Carmichael's, said that they were stressed and tired and didn't want to pursue the case any longer, despite being told they had the right to appeal.

And there in is their plan on action.

There had been this weird attitude within the public services that had gone on for decades and gradually gotten worse and worse. That everyone and everything to do with government and public services takes an ever increasing amount of time.

They clearly have no understanding on the concept of time!

Funny .. you would think that 'time' was one of those basic fundamental things that everyone understands even as a child. If you have a toy boat on the river and a wind picks up blowing it away .. unless your quick .. your going to lose it.

That's time.

Time also costs money. Money is another basic fundamental thing they also no longer understand.
Now they don't understand how laws or human rights work either.

Hmm I wonder if they understand the concept of a revolution?!

On a serious note .. when I was told of this court win last night by my daughter I said how typical it was that this occurred just before I appear at a tribunal?! I simply could not believe the timing?!

I also discovered last night that the cancer was worse than they thought .. which not only made things suddenly focus for me while my heart palpitations went through the roof but .. they have never fucking told us what they fucking thought!! Though it does explain .. some thing pretty serious that has been occurring from time to time. We get the full results, or at least that is when they were supposed to turn up, in two weeks.

As they stated that it would reach stage two within a year .. I am guessing that time has been shortened somewhat and as they stated that in January (2017) and it is now March?!

Jesus Christ .. you simply cannot make this stuff up .. you really cannot.

Missed cancer in one, death of an unborn baby for her best friend is another, missed disability and refusing to diagnose, or delaying as long as they can, a severe disability in a child and two attempts to make them both homeless one around a couple months ago and one ongoing.

With all this .. what is even the point of having laws if there are no human rights?!

I mean if you cannot do anything just for the people I know, my daughter with her cancer, separate disability and four children with one of two having a clear, severe and dangerous disability then who the hell is going to get anything in the way of financial or emotional support or even the correct health treatment?!

Think about this for a moment .. if you do not come close to even a single ailment I have mentioned, say the cancer for example, then what chance do you, your mother, child or anyone else have when things go wrong?

If my heart does not fail over the next month I will surely be shocked.

Tuesday, 20 March 2018


I find this business with the acquiring and misuse of users data at Facebook a bit odd.

I mean if something has taken place then people need to be prosecuted but ..

  • I didn't read anything about Donald Trump on Facebook
  • Will anyone have the guts to arrest or subpoena anyone as high up as Mark Zuckerberg?

I never liked him or Facebook. But I don't know about all this .. wondering if something is being done for the wrong reasons that will later put paid to anyone being prosecuted for the misuse of data ever again? Well anyone that has gotten too big, that is?

I knew Donald Trump would win the US election but it wasn't through Facebook that I realised this. It was through YouTube!

So yeah .. I find it odd that Facebook is the one being mentioned. But I guess it's possible that everyone commenting on YouTube received misinformation on Facebook that I missed.

I had an .. annoying phone conversation with someone I know back to accusing someone they have never met about being a liar. That same someone I am waiting to hear from still as it turns out what was, I thought, a routine meeting about her cancer was in fact the Good damn operation for their cancer.

So I've been feeling it somewhat since around 10.30am. Since I spotted the gown in a video call I realised something wasn't right. I did mention in my last post that I wondered if it was kept from me so that I wouldn't worry?

It's an operation that can do wrong and even if successful .. the cancer can come back aggressively! 

That's if the public services don't out her and her four children out on the street within a year?!

Oh .. just had a text .. it's not the operation .. it's to see how deep the cancer goes into the skin.

Fuck I've been dying for hours over this. Even having heart palpitations the last three hours or so and watching three John Wayne films in quick succession to try and take my mind off of it. Until the damn picture goes again, like it has right now!

I at least want to know what happened between John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.

If this thing with Facebook is just someone looking for a scapegoat over this perceived intervention over the US election it could be sure consequences later on.

In any failure to prove anything the fallout would be so great that in future no politician, American, British or European, would ever want to go to against anyone too large ever again.

Apple, Amazon, Google and Facebook will continue to individually take over the world and there would be no one left with the guts out even the power to oppose them.

So if this is being done over more sour grapes over Donald Trump being elected then it could bring about the very thing they fear. Someone taking control of everything in the western world later on.
Well at least of that takes place then country by country there will cease to be a need for government. I am not exactly sure what they are doing right now? Other than lying to their own people and breaking promises. Going after the poor and the weak too. At least they are here in the UK. To the point that I'm ashamed to be British and wonder if there is a country that gives a shit about its poor and it's disabled people?!

Many of those big names in computing have shown that despite their desperate desire to appear left wing and socialists .. like everyone else .. when it comes to money and power they are most definitely as right wing as you can get. I've seen no evidence in fifteen years that any of them give a rat's arse about the poor and disabled people either in the US or here in the UK.

It will be interesting to see how this pans out over the coming months.

Those holding tart tasting grapes had better be wary. Wary of me because I will rip you a whole, hole, set on new ones of this is just trying to get at something you hate. All because you cannot accept what democracy stands for.

Well I say .. 'democracy' but I've seen little evidence of democracy helping people in any way shape or form in recent times. It's like this system was set up to benefit everyone but they just find ways around it. Make it appear it's a democracy but in reality it is anything but.

Though in recent times it's not just me anymore as for a number of years just about everyone has stated the following to me ..

"What's the point in voting?! Nothing ever changes!"

This means that everyone thinks that everything had more or less remained the same for a very, very long time. Not just when the Tories got in power but for a lot longer.

I remember when Tony Blair first got in power and things appeared to change. But then before long it just went back to the same old shit.

I wonder if they think it's been the same since the dreaded Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister? Probably.

Oddly enough .. the firm they are accusing is a British firm called Cambridge Analytics .. or something? Lol.

Just more of this annoying 'fake news' crap. Never seems to go away does it now?

Facebook Exit Hints at Dissent on Handling of Russian Trolls


This is just a little post to show proof positive that the DWP and their so called Doctors not only lie but were caught with their pants down lying and admitting it.

Well .. kind of in the process of lying in a rather pathetic and incompetent way which begs the question ..

How the fuck have they gotten way with this for so long?!

Ooh you want to know what happened?

Hatti Broxton got a visit from a DWP Doctor who had come to assess her mother's fitness for work and Hatti then left him to go and obtain the proof that her mother could not work ..

The Doctor was presented with an urn containing the ashes of Hatti Broxton's deceased mother who had died much earlier.

She also told him that she herself had informed the DWP at the time and that if they had bothered to read her medical report that they would have noted that she had indeed passed away.

They apologised and admitted they had not read the medical report.

Why did they not read the medical report? Was the medical report by real Doctors not good enough for the DWP?! Or maybe they have no intention of seeing whether someone is really disabled or not?!

Well .. I have been told that an earlier approach that the Tories made to a court to take away the human rights of disabled people was really a thing and that the Tories had won?!

What? Wait a minute? Let me just summarise this ..

  • Laws exist to protect people
  • But the Tories can just remove human rights to whomever they chose?
  • The COURTS are complicit in this? The ones that uphold the LAW which is there to protect people from both physical and mental harm?! 
  • Is it the new approach of the courts to only protect money from now on?!
  • Where was the EU during all this?!
Yeah .. I will get back to that court hearing in a post or twos time.

Being paid to kick vulnerable people in the teeth and taking the taxpayers money to do this is perfectly OK?! Riiiight!

Over zealous, much?


This was unexpected on several fronts.

I awoke this morning with a little anxiety and a lot of panic .. in pain from my bladder as per usual and heart racing. I am meant to try and find a NHS Walk-In Centre to try and obtain my prescription medication but did not really feel .. up to it.

I had also awoken late after a night of not being able to sleep again .. probably thinking and panicking about a court hearing fast approaching and if I will get there as it is so early, due to my sleep now playing up, whether I will win and how much is resting on this court case? Probably? Definitely.

Well I say .. 'late' but not as late as yesterday morning where I woke, to my utter shock and disgust, around 10.45am.

But this morning I was receiving texts as I woke up and I realised that it was Tuesday as my daughter was off to her appointment. Her appointment over her cancer where I thought it was just going to be about what, when, where and how they will operate on her. Except it appeared there was more to this appointment than either of us realised.

Before long she was dressed in a gown and looked like she was going to have an operation and they told her she wont get home until 6pm .. though quite how the children were going to be picked up I do not know.

I still do not know what this appointment is all about .. unless it was being kept form me so that I would not get upset or worried.

I am upset and .. well .. worried.

Is not doing my heart rate any good .. not that I care very much.

It never ceases to amaze me just how much the human body can torture itself, for all the proclaiming by scientists of how much of a miracle it is. These scientists have obviously been very lucky in the health lottery and likely never had to endure prolonged physical pain nor mental pain?

I am in a room that is no doubt smaller than the minimum required size for a prison cell. Of that I have no doubt.

But being shoved into something this size with all the pains, stresses, anxiety and along with the tools required to try and earn an income at some point along with the tools required by someone with a disability .. like my damned bike and it gets a bit of a squeeze.

Then you have days like this. Days that no one should endure. Not even the devil himself.

After trying a different tactic on how to do what I need to do while cutting down the pain I spent last night trying to think of something else I could purchase that might help. When I was not focused on other concerns.

It feels like a million things are racing through your head at once at times.

I have often also stated that I honestly do not know what is worse at times, severe mental anguish or severe pain and when I experience each I always think “This .. definitely this!” The truth is that when severe enough I think they are equally as bad but beyond a point things change. The mind breaks with one extreme and passes out with another. This far I have only experienced one of those two.

At the end of the day you feel condemned .. on both sides. What makes it worse is knowing that others have knowing you put you hear and that many do not give a flying f.. shit.

Ultimately you ask yourself why in the hell you are here and what you are here for?

Maybe it is just me? Maybe being alone, or feeling lonely whichever you prefer, is what does this and maybe I am just unlucky in the set of circumstances I find myself in? But it was anxiety that drove me to my current situation and location. Once again brought about because others do not give a crap and those tasked to help or protect you also do not give a crap .. and lie and cheat to save money while awarding themselves all kinds of things?

What this results in is you praying for it to end in the only way you think it will end. Death. You even start to wonder about bringing this about yourself and whether you could build up the courage to do this and how you would do it.

It almost always came down to carbon monoxide for me, not being able to get a hold of the necessary drugs to do it. Christ .. I cannot even get the only damned drug that works on my condition .. sodium oxybate! Like I said .. condemned and knowingly condemned at that.

But we are not supposed or allowed to end it and nor can we be assisted. We have to stay alive .. endure whatever is thrown at us and .. do as we are told and what is expected of us, come what may?! If we were dogs we would be 'put down' or 'put to sleep'. That would be far more humane than what the British government and the UK's public services have been knowingly doing to people in recent years.

Of course there is that one other thing that stops you and that is that if she does survive what my demise would do to my daughter.

Does not sound like I have a lot of faith in winning my court hearing does it? Mind you this may be because I feel like I will let myself down over it all .. but failing to turn up? Though I am supposed to have a representative there I have had no confirmation that they will be.

I have also expressed my concerns about this but have not heard anything back.

Even my social worker friend says that they have been bad at replying to me and never seem to read my emails .. which they do seem to be proving correct even right now.

I do not even know what I would do if anything happen to my daughter while at the same time am well aware that her life is itself yet another living hell.

Once again another case of cancer and no fucking sign of any of the big cancer organisations that appear on TV in adverts begging for your money.

The operation for this specific cancer is not guaranteed and in fact has a chance of the cancer returning rather aggressively. It is also very close to reaching the stage, if it has not already, where it would require radiotherapy and chemotherapy.

During all this .. they have gotten out of paying for their rent, first only wanting to pay 25% of it and even now only 50% of it. They have lied and conspired to not pay Disability Living Allowance for a severely Autistic child, despite this being extremely dangerous, there being three other children and with one of those possibly being autistic too. To put the cherry on the proverbial pie she also has my disability which, like me, they have wondered about and missed for many years. But then some completely incompetent Doctors do not believe our disability exists .. STILL?! Morons! Yeah .. I had all the perfect symptoms listed for it for fifteen years before I was discovered what it was that I was afflicted with .. something that was both missed and I was not warned about when I had the severe road accident 36 years ago. Yup .. that was they key point that set it off .. with weird symptoms piling on one by one over the years for 22 years when my feet became affected. I then asked for another 13 years before I discovered what this was myself and even then they tried to deny I had it and then tried to avoid a diagnosis by making excuses to not refer me. One was that a department that specialises in Fibromyalgia within the NHS simply did not exist. Anywhere. I later discovered from a Fibromyalgia charity that this was a lie and that there were dozens all over the country.

Now at the time you only had two choices, incompetent or liar? I am pretty good at working things out and .. knowing people and I called liars. Many said I was completely mad or just plain wrong and I stuck to my guns because I knew what the facts were. Well those facts have now been exposed .. they are being paid not to refer people and to do that they have to .. you guessed it, lie!

Yeah that crap about Doctors being paid not to refer people? Yeah .. it is not only about referrals and it has been going on a very, very long time. Told you.

Now I am just babbling on because I simply do not know what to do with myself as per usual but this time I am .. somewhat restless and more so than normal. Because I do not know what I am going to be told in several hours time!

Do you know what life actually is, has been for a long time and on different levels?


Saturday, 17 March 2018


It is funny as I was having this conversation with my daughter and it basically talked about being found by something I can only label as a saviour.

I thought about this somewhere between a year or two after I started blogging. Many I know thought I was wasting my time and that I would get nowhere. Odd as I thought only those that gave up got nowhere? After awhile they were surprised at the numbers I was getting and still are, but there hope of a year or two turned back into their original negativity. This comes about because their idea of what I am doing is very different from my idea of what I am doing and why I started doing it in the first instance.

There was one other thing they had not considered and this was a deeper understanding of what those numbers are. You might be now thinking about who they are that visit my various posts within this blog but more importantly it is what they do. Or at least with some of them.

I pointed out that out of the tens and now the hundreds of thousands that have visited my blog about what they do for a living? What they do as a career?

  • Solicitors? (well the ones with hearts)
  • Literary Agents?
  • Newspaper reporters?
  • Magazine article writers?
  • TV News investigative journalists?
  • Media Agents?
  • People heading up a cause fighting against all that I have been embroiled with?
    • NHS complaints
    • Police complaints
    • Local Council complaints
    • DWP complaints
    • Disability complaints
    • Help & Advice organisation complaints?
    • Ombudsman complaints
    • Retail fraud?
    • Bailiff complaints?

DO not bother with people like Citizen's Advice as they are useless, clueless and simply never get animated. Not if your even remotely like I am.

Once I had stated this people's minds began to tick over and you could very literally watch I happen as I talked.

I then said that they also needed to consider all the evidence that I provided, which is not even 10% of what I have, in all the recordings and documents I have posted.

What I had hoped they would realise and they did was that at some point there was bound to be people that had the careers listed above. Also that as each in turn visited that one of each might actually decide to pick this up and run with it?

Now what it takes in the numbers to achieve this I do not know and this is what I stated to my daughter on the phone. Would it take fifty thousand before I got a journalist? Or would it take more like half a million or more? Then how many of these would visit before someone realised there was something in all of this?

They would be, despite my best intentions, turn out to be veritable saviours.

Very recently we thought we found one? Or to be more accurate that he found us? In the beginning there was loads of big naming going on and big talk. But now we are not quite so sure and he is behaving very suspiciously and asking for unrealistic things.

As I said to my daughter either he has been bought out or the news media groups he is talking to are showing no interest because they have been ordered not to. Most likely because of me and this very blog and the damage I could do if it went mainstream?

At one point I was expecting to see my daughter here in London because he talked about her going off to London, First Class and in a top hotel before appearing on This Morning or even being interviewed by Panorama. These were just two of over half a dozen names he liked to drop like proverbial rocks. The Wright Stuff was another.

I simply do not know what is worse here .. the public services that have lied to us and cheated us or the one that stalked the courts like a Hawk .. contacted us and then not only showed us a way out but promised us too and then goes quiet. This goes on way over the longest period of time he states for things happening, which was one to six weeks, and has us getting down about it because he provided us with a nice snug rug and then pulled it from beneath our feet and while we was not looking. Sitting here like a couple of fucking melons thinking he was doing his thing and we would finally get justice for all of us and get out of the darkest of limbos we are trapped within. Cheers man, nice! You might just be about a month or two away from turning out worse than everyone else who at least told us they were fucking us as they did it. Through lies, yeah but we knew what to expect. Or at least I did except they went somewhat further than even I ever thought they would. If I had realised this earlier I could have done something to counteract this?

This agent also talked about setting up a site for donations saying that people like to gove money to causes like ours. Yeah well .. that does not rely on any media groups, newspapers, magazines or TV shows getting back to him about it. So why has he not set this up?!

I tried it but it didn't work. It might be like the 38 Degree GP petition that took over a week to get over 200,000 signatures to send to Jeremy Hunt about stopping the NHS paying General Practitioners to not refer patients off to hospitals and specialists. Also pay them not to give out expensive drugs too as I asked for Pregabalin for five years, was promised it .. they pulled it and they tried to label me as first mad and when that did not work they tried to label me as violent.

I had long since had my own saviour in mind and that was Google. Until little by little things came out about and against Google and I started to make me wonder?

The idea being that after helping as many people as I could for a very long time that eventually Google and their Adsense advertising would pay off. When it became obvious this goal always seemed to remain just out of sight it became obvious that getting the numbers would be hard. But then when it did arrive it would open the doors to other things. Effectively being its own way out for me and therefore I would be able to help others. Only that time of helping others became a necessity and occurred a damn site earlier than I expected it to. By about a year by my reckoning if I am honest.

Unfortunately as my plans were being shunted forwards without my being aware of it I was also going through my own thing with some public services that were supposed to be helping me. Only and quite unfortunately I was to get to the thirteenth hour, yeah literally and not the eleventh, I was to be stabbed in the back. By this time I had no way of stopping to pull the large knife from my back and then made a load of errors, caused by my short term memory issues, that were to become a real .. pain. I was then witness to the same public services stabbing someone else in the back I had relocated 240 miles away to help. This in turn was like being stabbed in the back a second time over while the first knife was wedged in my spine.

Of course once the numbers had risen above the level needed for a small and regular income to be paid each month the numbers would allow other things. Like publishing my bloody books at long last. I wrote them prior to staring this blog, had single literary agents interested but thinking they were too big for them and larger agents seemingly uninterested.

So I started blogging and left the books on the back-burner, so to speak, until such a time I might have commanded a large enough audience. I estimate that when my main and most popular of all my blogs goes from the 158,000 it is now to over 200,000 I would have finally reached this milestone? Fingers crossed!

My daughter has now found out that this waiting for something that is either inevitable of something that you have been promised is a killer. Especially when you have gone right past the longer of the time period you were promised by said person. I told her this is what I have had to deal with for a long time and that the only time something did work out in my favour and that being my inheritance .. someone stole half of it before it even arrived. The rest was taken because of the evil, bloodsucking Tory party and the evil vampire like public services and local government. Nice!

So .. we are still waiting on something that is a couple of weeks late without any data provided to date on when it might happen. Nice.

We are waiting to see if a court case gets won that would seriously help me raise my mood levels, get outta hell and help others.

We are waiting to see if the year long plus time span that has passed by since my adverts have been missing will now mean that I finally make an income?

Of course I am still waiting to see if someone will buy my Land Rover Discovery .. which might be kept .. depending on what happens with this effing media agent and mainly the outcome of the court hearing.

Waiting .. waiting .. waiting .. and .. waiting.

Oh and there is the other waiting to see if they admit and pay for a child with fairly severe Autism who is extremely loud, new neighbours have now complained, and extremely destructive as well as extremely wasteful. Yeah .. there is that. Hopefully it will take place before someone gets seriously hurt. A fatal cancer, very possibly a second case of Autism and .. two cases of disability that does not include the two with Autism. Yeah .. the shit is stacked against us if I am honest.

Though Wirral Council are going to have the arses sued off them at some point!

If this legal action succeeds it will expose twenty years of failures, fraud and conspiracy as well as a case of either incompetency in having the wool pulled over the eyes by a lying, scheming and evil thief or they wont prosecute because they teamed up with the perpetrator years ago and scared of what she might reveal in any legal battle. You pays your money you takes your choice on that one.

I always wanted to do something that might border on heroic .. actually and literally help people and .. feel like my life actually meant something .. in the end. The sad part of it is that with this eternal waiting it might take 'the end' before it actually means something?

But no we still wait .. still try our best and still .. work our arses off when and where we can and in some faint hope that something will pay off eventually. It is not only the waiting that is a killer in all this but also the not knowing. Not having a date where you can say 'yes it all goes uphill from here'!

So .. sad but .. I .. no, we have to go back to the .. waiting .. and hoping.


Well it is still going on .. but there are a couple of things I hve noticed about this 38 Degrees petition to Jeremy Hunt about buying General Practitioners off to not refer people to hospital ..

  • It has taken a lot longer than I thought to get to 200,000 signatures .. over a week longer?!
    • Amoral society, anyone?
  • No mention of punishment to anyone about giving these incentives or accepting 
  • The 38 Degree web-page manages to continue flashing up people donating and signing
    • Even when the Internet has been down for over an hour?!

I dud email 38 Degrees about this last point and have no no response.

In the email I told them that the one thing that gave me hope is organisations out there that help or start petitions to help causes are against the lies and corruption rife in central and local government as well as the rest of the public services. So why does their web-page appear to be lying to me?

You would think that a reasonable explanation would have been forthcoming? Being a website for good causes you do not want people thinking that they are lying to them too?!

Anyway the petition is still ongoing and I thought I would do an update while trying to drum up a few more signatures .. if the petition is legit, of course.


Note that the petition amount is 200,315 and is still rising but I noticed it slowed down a fair bit.

Made me think how odd this is and ..

  • Did a lot of people see it but mostly are amoral idiots that did not sign it?
  • Does even 38 Degrees and not reach enough people?!
  • Things go viral and I for one, and probably others, posted this on 3 separate Facebook pages, my own wall, one on Universal Credit complaints where I am one of the admins and .. on an NHS Corruption page .. so how has this not gone viral!
I heard of a recent report about a lady left in a hallway of a hospital for a couple of days with a broken back too?! Hmm just remembered that and let me take .. a look?

Ah .. found them .. one link to the story in The Mirror below and one by The Independent ..

Funny then that I watched BBC's Click and listened to a woman stating that they do not agree with robot/AI (Artificial Intelligence) Doctors and nor do they agree with this new health service where you deal with your health online and no need to see a GP. When asked if AI could ever replace a real Doctor you could see she was confused about how to answer before stating "I would be very surprised if it ever happened in my lifetime".

Yeah .. because you cannot lie to and fob off your patients to save money. 

Or in other words .. the fucking backlash you would get if the government started programming robots, Androids and AI to lie to the public would be catastrophic. They would show their depravity and everyone would ask .. what next?! 

The very idea of the rules about not causing a human harm would be broken at the AI's first inception of dealing with people. We are talking about health here so lying to and fobbing off human's to save money would be forcing them to endure their pain and therefore causing them harm!

Or in other words it wont happen in her lifetime because they will never be allowed to program AI, Robots or Androids to pull the tricks they have been pulling.

If she genuinely has no idea what has been going on in the NHS for a very long time then she is purely and simply extremely narrow minded. I have seen big changes going on already and even Spencer Kelly stated that all everyone is talking about now is AI. Graphics cards are being mass produced for deep learning projects and this is happening right bloody now! In ten years time it is going to be a very different place as far as AI is concerned and .. hell .. it is probably going to look very different in as little as five years. Did no one tell her about quantum computers?!


Oh and the very last link is one report by the Daily Mail asking why so many Accident and Emergency departments are missing broken bones?!

Yeah .. the last time I checked broken bones were not only fucking obvious and things that stands out but that x-rays were not that expensive, compared to things like MRI or CAT scans!


Damn it.

It has happened yet again. After two days of overdoing it without intending to I am back to being .. in something of a .. well .. state.

I cannot explain what this is like other than it is extremely .. harrowing.

For twenty four hours I have been in a bad way as I was last time this happened and I feel dead tired and extremely depressed. I am ratty and completely fed up with my situation and where I am and in all honesty .. others are not making it easy.

For instance I left the house yesterday and hobbled up to a vape shop after deliberating for an hour or two about whether I would be able to do it and how painful it would be. I am vaping more than usual because I stopped smoking about five days or so ago .. something else I forced myself to do to stop me going .. well, insane. I have to build my money up for various reasons most of them obvious and am amazed with myself for quitting smoking, if I am honest. Though it has not been easy.

So yeah I left the house and managed to get up there and back again and then back into my room which is tiny ..

  • 6ft x 9ft
  • Contains a bed
  • Contains a 29 inch wheeled bike
  • Contains a TV
  • Contains a PC
  • Contains a Laptop
  • Contains Two Cameras
  • Contains a whole raft of lenses, camera accessories in a large security box
  • Contains several camera bogs and a couple of rucksacks
  • Contains a chest of drawers
  • Contains a couple hundred blu-rays
  • Contains various other things
Plus I have a storage area I pay for each month that contains stuff I simply cannot get into this room at all and there is far too much stuff.

Added to this ..

  • TV signal is non existent half the time
  • Wifi signal fecks up half the time, often half way through uploading my photos and videos
  • Living room is out of bounds due to extreme narcissism of someone else affecting my sanity
I digress .. once again.

So I got back in the room, filled my vape tank with the Dinner Lady flavour of Lemon Tart and had barely vaped half of it when there was an ear piercing high pitched shrieking. It turned out to be the fire alarm outside of my room on the ceiling. I waited for someone to deal with it and then gave up, ventured into the hall and I guessed that I had to press the only button? No effect. So I pressed it harder and the noise stopped and the perforations of my eardrums could start to heal.

Suddenly the narcissist appeared at the bottom of the stairs "The fire alarm has gone off" they said before I answered "Yah think?". She then asked if anyone had anything producing smoke upstairs to which I said I had quite smoking five days earlier, not that anyone would notice .. because they don't .. ever. Notice anything. I said no before they then said that it must be my vaping, despite the fact that .. well .. they had just watched me walk in the house. I also pointed out that it can't. Then they disappeared before someone else appeared in the upstairs hallway saying "What is all that noise?" and do not seem to know a fire alarm when they hear one? I said it was the fire alarm and in an odd dig of a statement, I have had about a few things, they said it must be my vaping. "Oh .. don't you start!" I said before they said "well it must be, what else can it be?!" before I then said "I have been vaping for six weeks here and it has not happened before and I have also only been back in the house for five minutes!" to which they then walked downstairs.

So far I have been ribbed about my vaping, smoking, diet, drinking of soft drinks and even wanting to catch buses. Plus despite never being registered with a Doctor .. they are also medical experts and can tell you what they do not have.

Yeah .. you could be forgiven for forgetting, if indeed you had read it recently, that I came here with the only one registered with a disability .. suicidal, slashes on my arm after finding out that my daughter has cancer, my granddaughter is Autistic to dangerous levels, made myself homeless again trying to help them and live 250 miles away from home and .. my daughter and I have been lied to, not supported nor given any financial help at all, hence my loss savings, and left for dead by the public services that are paid a large portion of the taxpayers money to help people that are vulnerable.

Yeah .. you might think that people could be a little more accommodating and a little less .. 'diggy' towards me and even a little helpful? Yeeeeah .. no.

When I compare this to what I just did for four months and that I felt guilty for leaving when and the way I did, even though my daughter and I were victims of a bunch of evil lies and that is from my evil ex, it boggles my mind. Yeah .. they do not appreciate that either and yet I basically get called a selfish twat to my face and behind my back by the narcissistic one that thinks their mild epilepsy is worse then someone else's terminal cancer?! Yeah .. no kidding there and I so wish that I was.

Of course yesterday the digging was at a time when I was low and the worst part about it is they should not only know by now that I would be down, because of the two days, but one was told as much yesterday morning. Of course I then get a run down of the latest thing that she thinks that she has and I heard her talking to the waster or a partner the morning before as she was reading things out from a webpage from her phone and I heard "See? It causes diabetes .."

Yeah .. they do not have diabetes.

They have spent a few minutes hobbling around the house with a walking stick .. I mean who does that? I do not know nor have ever known anyone that uses a stick that actually uses it around their own house! Unless your particularly bad with some affliction. You certainly do not walk around with it one minute and then without it an hour later before then using it again a few hours later. Oddly the two times it was used was walking around the kitchen when she had just called us for dinner so knew we would be appearing. The ONLY times I have seen it in her hand. Also bizarrely it has also only appeared in the last two weeks out of six and since I had my first couple bad days and was limping around. It is a competition with her for sympathy .. except she does not get any and neither do I and nor do I want any. In fact even when I am bad and feeling ratty because no one down here has helped and, in fact, has been quite the opposite .. I get annoyed with myself because I cannot do everything  myself. I so hate being independent, or at least I was to some degree, while feeling like I am dependent, because I have trouble doing things on my own.

Right now I am supposed to be going to my storage facility which I still have not sorted out or moved into a smaller and therefore cheaper unit?! Yeah .. over six weeks.

My own daughter who grew up in a strange land does not understand how some people are with me down here. She does not understand the lack of help, lack of understanding and nor the digs I get about things. She certainly does not understand the narcissist at all.

In fact my daughter wants me back there and I would love to be back there .. helping her .. except ..

  • I need money back behind me - court case over that in a couple weeks
  • I still need to do my work - blogging and photography (see below)
  • My equipment can not be kept at my daughter's house .. my Autistic granddaughter would destroy it
  • I am missing a PC that can edit my photos and videos (spent allocated money helping MY family)
  • It is a three bedroom house and .. there are five of them, I would make six
  • Public services did not give a shit which was how the liar managed to twist things, lie and drive me away
Oh and two important things to note of late ..

  • The media agent is being an incompetent twat and now very obviously dragging his feet after all his fucking promises have been broken and now looking to be lies .. or he has been paid off which even my daughter is now beginning to think ..
  • A GP Surgery refused to register me and to everyone's shock down here .. umm .. knew my name?!
  • To the last one my social worker friend went mad over this "How can they know your name?!"
To that last point I told my friend "exactly" but that I already knew and he said "Why didn't you ask them?" to which I replied "Oh yeah, like they are going to tell the truth and say 'Oh the NHS called around a load of Doctors in the area and warned us you might walk in'?!"

How can a surgery know someone's name before it is given to them and especially when my last GP is located 250 miles away in Birkenhead and I am in a surgery in Hackney in central London?!

Even my mother was in complete shock by that t the point where she did not try to take over the conversation and said "What? How could they know that?!" to which I replied ..

"I have told you and have tried to tell you repeatedly for a few years now .. I am public enemy one, two and three to the public services in this country"