YET ANOTHER NHS FAILURE

Well what do you know?

I am worried about pain .. if I am living on the streets or in care because I get terrible pain in my thighs, among other places. This seems to be a deficiency in magnesium though we cannot really call it a deficiency. Because that seems to suggest that I am not eating enough .. which would imply less than is normal. Except there is nothing normal about this.

When they start to hurt they .. well .. hurt .. a lot. They also get worse with each day I do not take any magnesium supplements.

So I looked into this a little bit and what do I find?

The magnesium deficiency might be behind my heart palpitations?!

Fuck me .. you might think that all the times I was dragged into hospitals that someone might have mentioned this?! I have been in A&E two or three times and attended three hospital appointments and chastised for missing one. Though it was my health that caused me to miss that last one.

Yeah .. complain that a patient does not make a hospital appointment because of health problems they have ignored for two decades and it turns out that it was something so fucking obvious and worse still .. they were ALREADY aware of it?!

Un .. believable!

Turns out it has a negative effect for anxiety too?!

I often wondered if there might have been more than one thing affecting my anxiety because it is just so bloody powerful. Hence the self-harming.

I just cannot believe that after being told about the magnesium deficiency over three years ago that they failed to make the connection to anything else?! I just thought it was behind the severe aching in my thigh muscles. That had started out as an ache now and then but became much more frequent to the point I complained about it. So probably about four or five years ago is started. The heart palpitations started about eighteen months to two years ago so I made no connection at all. Of course it did not help that I was not made aware that a magnesium deficiency has other negative effects.

Hypertension, depression, heart disease, insomnia, nerve problems (have trouble touching things with my finger tips at times) .. ooh crap .. it mentions Fibromyalgia?! Numbness and tingling? I was asked y a Chiropractor about this who was shocked the NHS never asked me anything along these lines. Tooth decay?! Jesus H. Christ! Muscle cramps, back pain and now .. I am .. angry!

Edit: Sudden death is one and one I was kinda checking on, see the last link. Nice .. if I had dropped dead in front of my daughter and grandchildren in the four months I was up there?! Nice, NHS!

I went through years of pain, extreme anxiety, self-harming and memory loss and all of that could have been down to a simple fucking vitamin deficiency?! You have got to be joking?!

Now I am wondering how much damage has been done by them not seeing what was fucking staring them in the face the whole bloody time?

There is also a test for magnesium deficiency but according to the first link below it is not always revealing.

Still does not explain how the chiropractor showed me several collapsed discs after performing an x-ray while standing upright and then, three or four years later, NHS deliberately x-ray me in a foetal position on my side for the same area, which oddly enough showed nothing.

EDIT: The worst part about all this is they tell you not to look on the Internet or roll their eyes at you when you tell them they have. Condescending morons. Yeah .. well will continue to ignore the Internet while you continue to either lie to us or not inform us of the whole story!

EDIT 2: Weaken your bones? I was shocked when they stated I had Osteopenia a couple years back. They still did not pick up on the magnesium deficiency.

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/01/19/magnesium-deficiency.aspx

For more on magnesium deficiency ..

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnesium_deficiency_(medicine)

More in the Daily Mail ..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5250109/Nine-symptoms-magnesium-deficiency.html

Magnesium Deficiency and Sudden Death?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1636608

THAT WOMAN

Oh good God .. the .. she's back.

I thought I had finally finished with Esther McVey but it seems not.

Only in that she is mentioned in the link below in regards to more bad news reports regarding Universal Credit fur the umpteenth time .. you know what? Using the word 'umpteenth' in these instances seems to be an actual understatement now??

Anyway .. link below? Vulnerable, disabled and sick people going hungry divulged in sine devastating testimonies.

A crying shame and disappointing to read. I'm relieved to read about this as disapproving as it is but then it's not like I was unaware it's been going on.

After all it's been going on with me as well as going on with my daughter and grandchildren.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/vulnerable-sick-hungry-devastating-testimonies-12475502

THE PRINCE & THE UNFORTUNATE

Well this was bind to happen but the timing could not be more perfect.

Though the child it is perfect for is in a right sorry state of affairs, it had to be said.

In fact once I'm going to mention what I had been told and what I've noted I'm going to leave it a few days to see what else is said .. or not said.

As the protest about poor Alfie Evans was going on another child was coming into the world. I was not even aware she was expecting but the Duchess of Cambridge had her third child.

No cap on that arrangement then? Despite the taxpayers money being laid out being significantly more than your average Joe.

Also of note was no mention of Alfie Evans on the BBC News but fair play to Sky News for mentioning it and having a web page about Alfie Evans, the protest and what his father said.

That's the first thing .. the second was what I got told on the phone by someone that lives nearby. Yup Alfie .. I have someone not far from you whose fighting of her own injustices going on against her and her children. It involves lying and falsifying reports and I know it's going on in a lot of places. With a lot of people.

Someone I've known on Facebook for years recently published a notice that stated what, basically, a twisted and such country we live in and how did it get like this?!

Clever planning. Not so clever at not leading us into this fucking godawful mess in the first place ..

.. despite the fact that I predicted it 4.5 years before it started, stating it would happen within five years.

I fell out with friends and family over that and was called a nutcase.

But as my grandfather always pointed out .. when I'm sure I'm right about something I stick to my guns. That happens a lot. Fortunately I'm not called mad any more. Especially as I now possess evidence to a series of events even crazier sounding than predicting the financial crisis. Yesiree. Oops!

Yeah you would have thought that after being proved right over and over again and then priced right over the financial crisis that people .. shouldn't bet against me. But they did. 

Got cut off there momentarily.

So .. on Facebook .. people are pissed. They have stated that the news is all over the third baby by Prince William but poor Alfie does not get a mention. Must be more of that fake news they keep on about?

I have also been informed twice now that they turned off life support?! Right after the Italian government awarded Alfie Italian citizenship?!

Well if that is not two fingers held up by the British Government to the Italian government then I do not know what is?!

The last thing I was told was the following ..

"It is all going to kick off up here"

If the British public do not have an outcry over this and ask serious questions of the British government, the British legal system and its courts along with the NHS then I do not know what will?

THE TRUTH IN PART

The BBC report below, shoved to the side and onto their app, states that it's being reported that 140,000 families going without food and water.

Think about that for a moment .. that's one hundred and forty .. thousand .. families. Not individual people. Families.

Now they say that there are 2.2 people per family on average. That's bullshit and not only out of date but we all know there are certain types of people that have many more than two children. Who don't have the same rules and restrictions. Except the ones they can screw over our that benefit them.

I'll tell you something else too .. I think the real figure is probably over double that stated.

This is because two groups were involved in the number .. one I've never heard of .. so where the feck do they get their numbers. The other is the Citizen's Advice Bureau and it don't matter whether I'm in London or Merseyside .. no one even bothers don't to the Citizen's Advice add they are useless. They certainly have had a zero success rate on my pleas for help.

Also and as the title strongly suggests .. well it's a fact actually but a lot more are suffering.

Are we forgetting that the Doctors, Specialists and Nurses have taken money and incentives to lie about patients? Hmm .. patients? I'll get onto that one in the next post.

To round off the Evil Trinity we have the DWP and local councils too ..

Ooh by the way? Yeah .. I've had confirmation that I know one, at least, has been visiting this blog and sorry to disappoint ..

No .. you haven't got away with it just because your times up and nothing has happened ..

To expose anyone .. they have to fail to do things all the way to the end you fucking idiots.

I post recordings before it's over and you all turn up, and 'all' is a lot believe me, and say "oh her you are, see? We always intended to do this all along?!"

No. Just .. no.

Yeah .. I've been a little quiet on that front because I've been a little busy myself .. trying to stay alive, stay sane, not walk in front of a bus, get my own plans moving and .. a little matter of a court hearing with a corrupt and biased court over another public service.

So .. we care for those downtrodden in foreign countries do we? Funny as we don't give a fucking crap about our own and year then very differently and have very different expectations out upon us. Despite living in a literal hell hole that's getting worse.

So .. crimes against people that now don't just include children but .. scores of them?!

So .. where is the law and the legal system in all this?! Nowhere to be seen .. that's fucking where.

Remember what I said .. that the real number would be very likely double the figure of 140,000 given living without food and power. I would wager the food banks would have a better idea of this figure but .. will any of these investigative journalists think of asking them or anyone else this? Nope .. why that would involve both 'investigating' and reporting on something they avoid like crazy .. so they can chat shit about celebrity gossip instead. 

Lol.

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Poorest families 'going without food or power' - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-43827846

CATASTROPHE IN WAITING

So as you will see below we are back with the Liverpool Echo local newspaper.

It seems I just can't escape this particular rag?

I was sent this by my daughter and I could not believe what the story was about or the name of the poor girl that died. Added to this was how long ago this was?!

What are the chances of this?!

The first instance of a young woman under the age of 25 having cervical cancer other than my daughter and she not only lived in the same council borough but has the same fucking name?! What makes this even harder to accept without becoming fucking furious with my own country and government is this was back in 2012?! Six bloody years ago and they were calling to lower the age of smear tests back then?!

My daughter, also called Sophie, said "Dad, the minimum age of shear years in Scotland is 20" to which I pointed out even that minimum age would not have helped this poor girl as she was 19! I then said ..

"What is it with this fucking smear test and that fucking stupid law?!"

I can see me going on a very personal war with this country and the government before very long!

If they thought I was a headache already they have no idea and better not put me into a position where I have nothing to lose?!

There are a lot of things I would not only dearly love to do but have dreamed of doing for a very, very long time now.

It had been becoming every more clearer that there exists an absolutely disgusting disregard for human life by the current Tory British government that has also existed with the previous Labour government.

My skin is currently crawling at the thought of these governments and this .. disgusting attitude.

Makes me sick to my stomach when I think of how they wax lyrical about their care and sympathy for the plights of people of another land.

Ooh it's a bit like when I thought the European Union might actually give a shit about the British people and they didn't give any help to even the disabled people of British society.

When are the majority going to stop voting on hypocritical, two faced, amoral morons?!

Hmm .. mind you of they all are I don't suppose there is much you can do about it .. except abstain.

Ahh that's because everyone that's moral doesn't bother voting anymore meaning only the amoral ones that vote for selfish reasons remain!

Ahh yes it makes sense now. The amoral, selfish and heartless politicians have driven those that vote with morals in mind away from the ballot box.

That's why this country has been getting worse for the last thirty years plus!

If someone else also called Sophie had cervical cancer before the age of 20 and in the same borough then there must be a lot across the entire country?!

So where are the figures? Where are the charities shouting from the rooftops about this?!

Where are the fucking women's TV programmes talking about this on the fucking TV?! No I guess an actress getting two million instead of five is far more important?!

Jesus H. Christ!

This is a young woman with cervical cancer, my Fibromyalgia and on top of all that a severely Autistic daughter, possibly another, four children in all living with her and .. only half her rent being awarded annnnd ..

Refused DLA for her Autistic child!

Every single public service tasked to protect vulnerable and sick people and children not just letting them down but kicking them once they are down!

No point in them existing .. the amoral can save even more money by abolishing them all ..

.. I mean they are not paying out anywhere near as many benefits and before long .. won't be paying out any benefits at all. That's their long term plans according to many anyway.

So abolish them all.

Got this damn court case of my own too which is getting at me and I'm having damn heart issues and with still no Doctor to talk to.

Jesus Christ, these amoral wankers really have this planned out and tied up well.

I foresee an increase in frequency in deaths and all I've come to know in recent times is death.

I've lost count of the number of deaths, in fact, that's occurred in my life in recent years.

Yet the one I'd happily accept still continues on in distress, anxiety and pain not to mention these damn palpitations and chest discomfort.

And what a time to quit smoking to hope improving these symptoms.

Oh any my medical records are full of shit too .. yes I have them ..

Diverticulitis down to pills? Umm nope just as I told them at the time and I haven't taken the offending pills for a couple of years.

Falling unconscious down to pills? Umm nope and take a guess at what I also told those most intelligent of people and what I have not been taking the last couple of years?!

Yeah .. I still blackout and two days ago I spent 18 hours in bad pain and basically the symptoms I thought previously might be Diverticulitis.

Your paying for all these self entitled wankers.

I stated to someone in the last few hours .. or was it yesterday? I stated that as well as being in my current situation with more to think about that any single human mind should .. well more symptoms than any human body should .. that I get weary of it all.

The lies, the amoral people, the corruption, the health issues and the situation along with the battles and the pain. 

I just get so tired of it all at times.

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/aspiring-wirral-model-died-cervical-6839200

LIFE LAID OUT

I sometimes stop and think about all the things that I have stated online. I get angry at times and other times just passionate and I allow this to show through to get my point across. Well .. that is the hope.

The truth is what happens now with anything out there cannot make much of a difference to me, so why do I do it. Because it is the right thing to do.

You simply cannot progress as a society if it is a society based upon lies, deception, corruption and an attitude that leans towards everyone being amoral.

I also do it because of the life that I have had and the number of times I have sunk down deep through no fault of my own and this has all come about from .. trusting people. Added to this was trusting the public services as you do not expect the Police, health professionals and local government to be lying scumbags that will simply let you suffer pain and mental anguish. But they do.

What ires me about it all is this is the same people and organisations that would not allow things like voluntary euthanasia. Because they believe it is wrong and very likely from some deluded religious belief.

Sorry but they are wrong and they are all hypocritical and the fact that they nor anyone else sees it is nothing less than staggering. Simply staggering.

This has now long since extended from normal people that are jobless to disabled people and now even children. As of right now this has spread to disabled children and how long that has gone on for I simply do not know.

The worst part about it all is the deceit. They say they are for the people and that their intentions is to help but they have proved over and over again without a shadow of a doubt that these are all lies.

A year ago I was in my own home .. with my disability and had secretly spent a long time trying to create an .. income for myself. Or spent a very long time building up to this point. Then they decided to change everything around. I had worked my way up with my camera equipment getting an ever better camera on each occasion but after more than six cameras I had still not acquired anything even regarded as semi-professional. Nothing that took RAW images, for one example, and nothing that was waterproof as another example and nothing that possessed a fast lens fr artistic images for yet another. Then I could talk about focusing speeds, ISO levels for photos in disappearing light levels and viewfinders. All these things all combine to increase you getting 'that shot'. Or in other words an increased number of usable photographs in any given situation that wont break if it rains when your out. Simply owning cameras that are not waterproof would put you off leaving the house with it at the slightest chance of rain on any given day. Whole days of not taking a single photograph.

So it is hard to imagine that now owning a professional camera and several lenses, though minus the most important lens, that I now find myself without a home. That I have found myself having dozens of days where I have simply wanted to die.

I have thought about selling my camera equipment but that would put me back to where I was an minus a shed load of money and tools and .. well quite simply .. I would rather die. What would be the point? You work your butt off and then manage to find a way to acquire the tools you need and then a bunch of others, mostly governmental vampires telling outright lies, fuck you over as soon as they see a chance.

It is unbelievable when I think of the number of things that have gone wrong ..

• Google's Software (I have worked for over 5 years)
• Google's Advertising (Them assuming their software just works when it does not)
• Job Centre (Pressure for me to start my own business)
• Personal Independence Payments (Lying and taking away half my income)
• Disability Living Allowance (Refusing to pay and/or backdate Autistic child's DLA)
• Two Local Councils, Wirral and Enfield (Not even getting started)
• NHS in so many departments and in so many ways (DITTO)
• Help Organisations that simply don't listen (CAB and others, did effing warn them)
• Help Organisations that think they have to help in ONE area (though several needed help in)
• One MP (Did email Frank Field about all this)
• Work & Pensions Select Committee (Did email them about all this!)
• Social Workers (Constantly lied, refused to help but kept sticking their noses in regardless)
• Family Support (Did fuck all)
• Victim Support (Did fuck all and tell mother to “Get on with it” and is “Just like everyone else”?!)
• Two Police Forces have not exactly helped either!

So yeah ones just off the top of my head.

If you cannot get any help, support or even sympathy when you have three disabled people and one with cancer whose best friend as just lost a baby with a week to go to term then I am sorry .. but there is no help for anyone ..

Unless of course help and support is only due if you possess a lot of money or you are a celebrity in one industry or another? I mean if that is how it is then just say so. Do not mislead tens of millions of people into thinking that they are important when they are not and .. not allowing voluntary euthanasia while allowing mental anguish, pain, suffering starvation and exposure to go on for week after week, month after month and year after year is just fucking utter madness and the worst kind of hypocrisy.

Watch TV and anyone would think we are a nation of moral people that would not put up with anything and especially actions against other human beings that had adverse and especially long lasting effects.

My own plan was the increase the frequency and content of wildlife on my YouTube channel and my two blogs, exotic and native, as well as that as some artistic photography. Also being more relaxed my writing would improve.

None of these things really got a chance to happen and some only getting a slight increase over a few weeks before ceasing altogether.

I ended up in a house where anything expensive got broken within days if you was unlucky and weeks if you was lucky and this was getting worse. I also used up money intended for the last few tools I needed. So I am actually missing four things I intended to purchase and I would be happy if I just had two of those right now .. along with somewhere to live, of course.

I am not relaxed enough for my writing to improve and being creative is impossible in the current climate and I have no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Someone was supposed to provide a light at the end of this damned tunnel .. well in fact they talked about this damn light but then walked away and after a couple of weeks turned off the lamp without any explanation .. just the occasional feeble excuse.

Things are up and down .. unfortunately far more down than they are up and .. this is most .. annoying.

I have to visit a Doctor this week .. or a surgery and yessss .. another bloody one! I simply have no choice.

I am having issues sleeping too some nights and this is becoming a worrying trend. A very worrying trend.

A question I often ask myself, though I mostly know the answer, is “Oh God, why are things so fucking hard?!” Really what I mean is why do you end up in these low moments where things seem to go wrong unexpectedly. You cannot plan for the unexpected.

Unfortunately when central or local government or the public services suddenly decide they are going to change things to cover up their own fuck ups .. things suddenly change for the worst. That is not only immoral but totally unfair.

“We are all in this together!” stated George Osborne.

For millions of people and growing .. that statement has proved to be one of the biggest lies in recent memory and one that will be remembered for the longest of times .. for all the wrong reasons. Still, maybe at some point in the future maybe this attitude will be stamped out and never happen to anyone ever again? With that twat's name going down in history as a lesson to not to lie to the people before you start sectioning them off and kicking each group in the teeth and destroying their lives.

Lost count of the number of times I have had my head in my hands or a hand on my forehead wondering how I am supposed to get things done or what I am supposed to do? Trying to think of ways to help others while at the exact same time trying to figure out ways of helping myself.

But .. wait a minute? Are there not dozens of advice and help organisations out there?! Well .. kinda but when you have been through their utterly stupid procedures to even get ti talk to them they are utterly useless and often clueless when you do! The best part is if the government change something that is clearly immoral and inhumane these advisors then say things like “Oh .. it is just very difficult now” as if they are right in what they are doing or they cannot fight these actions that are clearly crimes.

I have to try and see someone .. or a few people about things that have excessive waiting times when I do not have the time and these things or help is needed immediately in these cases .. not in six weeks bloody time.

“It is like there is a secret government within government” is what someone said to me several years back while I was on a nature reserve filming Banded Demoiselle Damselflies. I wonder what she thinks today?

THE LOGICAL IN CHRONOLOGICAL

I think what I do hear others should do .. just to see how their own situations have panned out.

It is a chronological list of major events and how each one turned out and remember I am now 49 years old in 2018 soo .. imagine how this would be like for anyone at school now?

• Nursery School I do not recall
• Primary School .. mostly OK
• Secondary School utter shite .. left way early
• Youth Training Scheme .. yeah up and down
• Working for Someone supposed to start his own business .. yeaaah did not go to well
• Break UP and Family Court
  • Yeah shit and my daughter paid the price just as I warned them she would and far worse than I said that she would
  • Daughter was abused which started while under age and I was kept away by the evil ex and the authorities .. still doing that TODAY and I was DRIVEN AWAY
  • There is a catalogue here both longer and worse than mine, see 'M' I can admit when things are worse than my life?! LOL!
  • This is something that itself will come out in various formats later this year ..
  • If that effing agent does what they have promised?!
  • Contracts were signed and they literally said they had to prepare for a serial
  • So their sudden quiet of the last few weeks is looking highly suspicious
• College to University
  • Court case over my daughter while I was doing this
  • Break Up with another relationship with no considerations from my partner
  • Forced out of my flat and back with grandparents
  • Another relationship with violent and emotionally unbalanced woman
  • Grandmother died
  • Uni stabbed me in back reducing my degree from a damned good Upper Second, First for my THESIS and 7 B+'s, for no good reason
• NHS ..
  • Failed me over twenty years
  • Refused to diagnose my Fibromyalgia for 13 years of ACTUAL asking
  • I diagnosed my Fibromyalgia
  • Then refused to diagnose that without trickery from me
  • Omitted a knee diagnosis when they diagnosed my Fibromyalgia at Guy's Hospital
• DWP tricked me and lied to me dozens of times, took disability away twice
  • After agreeing to me starting a business Job Centre/DWP/NEA they then cancel all benefits after saying they would not .. just as I find out my daughter is victim of domestic violence and later that she also has cancer
  • Not allowed to do unpaid work or volunteering
  • But remember their official lines in the TV News? “We are helping people into work!”
  • Except .. only the work they decide you can do!
• Local Council's refused housing five times or more, stopped counting
  • Lied about average rents
  • Refused to state there was a cap on rent
  • Refused to pay full rent for years on end
  • Destroying people's lives why they stand around in work hours talking about where they are going clubbing next
• Attacked and DEFRAUDED by BAILIFFS
  • Took well over £4,000 stuff brand new for £500 parking fine
  • I knew nothing about parking fine till standing
  • They sold one of five items for £2,800 and told me they sold it for £400
  • They attacked ME .. recall these crimes were allowed to be committed by a council for a parking fine .. which is worse?! I also did not know the fine still stood
• Father and Grandmother both died of Fibromyalgia complications .. completely missed, thank you all once again National effing Health Service
• I try to go into business partnerships with wankers several times which fails because of their egos
• I tried to do voluntary work in the hope that would lead somewhere but told no by the DWP because your not saving them money
• Only family members and friends I could talk to have all since DIED
• Only one that regularly looked after a friend who slowly died, 'Old' Ken Bunn, of kidney cancer .. no health people at all .. not once in many weeks, maybe months?
• Only visitor was hiding Ken's spoons so he could not take his Oxycodin, then begged me not to get her fired. Some African woman with the accent to match who could not even pronounce Oxycodin nor explain what it was for.
• The court HMCTS has fecked me over three times during al the above too .. meaning where it matters no court wins .. except the ones where they tried to do me for council tax and refusing to pay for faulty and refurbished equipment
  • Argos, PC World, Amazon along with Littlewoods and Very Catalogues all supplied me with refurbished and faulty goods they claimed were brand new (during all the above)
• Job Centre lied to me and tricked me .. leaving me with very little money
• Then had to help my daughter and so I moved 250 miles north
• But PUBLIC SERVICES NHS, DWP, LOCAL COUNCILS refused to help her despite
  • Domestic Violence
  • Fibromyalgia in mother
  • Autism in two children
  • CANCER
  • Cancer was found in first of three lumps looked at, still awaiting others being looked at?!
  • now refusing to pay 75% of the rent they only declare AFTER moving .. because of the domestic violence
  • No one she can rely on ..
  • One single evil and selfish thieving relative who is unsafe to care for hamsters, let aloe children
  • This story spans twenty years and is supposed to be covered by someone else at some stage ..
  • Contracts were signed and the actions from these contracts are somewhat late at present with the only response last time being 'scheduling takes time'.
  • My inheritance slowly vanished while I was there for four months and then came back here as I had no choice .. was devastation with anxiety attacks, self harming (yeah that became a thing) and needing to sell my car now
• Guess what would happen if I approached ANY Local Council to be housed?
  • Despite my Fibromyalgia and my chest and heart issues
  • Despite the fact I also spent my money on my family because another Local Council, DWP and NHS did not
• Guess what I do not have with the NHS right now?!
  • Oh and you do not even WANT me stating what they have just done to my daughter's closest friend that had my daughter both sobbing on the phone and disgusted with the NHS and another hospital. Not for me to disclose unless they ask me to
• And DWP about to appear in court with
  • After well over a year and likely over 18 months of waiting
  • I think it was October 2016 I first sat with a disability solicitor? So the disability stopped well before that date
  • All this helped by that one single assessment by Atos that was full of shit
    • All the wrong questions
    • Questions missing and not asked at all
    • Nothing regarding mental health, despite my condition causing over a dozen areas of pain AS WELL AS mental health issues
• Stuck in a 6ft by 9ft room on a house where someone believes their mild epilepsy is more important than someone else's cervical cancer?! No, really.
  • Had a social worker friend roar with laughter who knows what they are like but was also seriously disturbed by it also. Stating that they needed professional help
  • He also stated how wrong it was that I had to deal with that while I had everything else and this person's personal agenda to state as fact that their lives are worse when everyone else's
    • Never been homeless
    • Never had even a serious illness, let alone cancer
    • Has fallen out with every friend and family member over this, often for GOOD but still do not see themselves as a problem
    • When I did talk for the first time in a week, after the epilepsy is worse than cancer statement, I showed them the email about Doctor's taking money t not refer and they say the word 'epilepsy' within 30 seconds
    • Trying to single out epilepsy because of their oh so obvious agenda I have to then get stern and state .. “This is NOT about epilepsy .. it is about EVERYTHING and obviously affects the whole country. There are thousands of health conditions .. not just epilepsy”
    • They know how everyone reacts but they always do this every single effing time and even when you only give them 30 seconds because your going out!
    • Sorry .. rambled on there .. if you had not guessed it and your eyes started glazing over .. thank you once again NHS for missing something else that has added to the fucking misery of that which is my life which also affects many others
• Google fecking me over for over a year
  • Google's Adsense been blocking my ads for two reasons ..
  • A misplaced comma in the tag/label section
  • Their software not working and two dozen ads I did not know was there!
    • Their browser and page was NOT showing me ANY ADVERTS
    • So I have bee unwittingly adding ads on top of ads when they were not showing
    • My adverts have been off for over a year
• Don't even get me started on all the Ombudsman of the above
  • There are dozens
  • Some industries have two or more each
• Oh and I have not even mentioned TWO Police Forces (see? Memory?!)
• Not gone into the courts in detail either, like HMCTS for instance

I whacked this out, so to speak, quickly and without thinking about it. I think it got a bit out of hand and no doubt despite going chronologically I have forgotten things.

Yeah you better believe it and I could have gone on about one potential business partner becoming a stalker?! Yup .. better believe that too.

I could have goe on more about the recordings, the lying and the falsifying of evidnce within the NHS and that I had been told by a GP what the NHS and the Trusts were up to FOUR GP SURGERIES BACK and around six years go. Maybe seven years ago? Maybe eight years ago now?

That was Doctor Huq. Since she told me that I had two Dr Kumar's. The moron Dr John Gubbay who tried to say I was mad and when that failed stated I was violent with the GMC's help. Then a Dr Andrew Thievendra and I had him for over two years before he left and I was under his brother Dr Alex Thievendra and also see their father. That was all before registering with the Devaney Medical Centre in Birkenhead in October, ish, 2017.

So yeah .. it was a bloody age ago when I was told what the NHS were up to. In FACT I was only having confirmed by Dr Huq what I already either knew or suspected.

Now for those I suggested doing the same thing I did above and thinking about each case? Some might not have much of a list and I envy those that have short lists. But some will be similar to mine while some might be a lot longer, though I stagger to believe that will be a big number but I do not really know. My daughter probably has a longer list already and she is only 25?!

Now consider what younger people will now have to go through? Your children or grandchildren for instance? Can you afford to go private for all the above to assure their safety? Or will you just ignore the facts, choosing to believe if you do not accept them then they do not exist? That is until something goes wrong and you realise later you could have done something about it?

Over five and a half years and I the hundreds of thousands of visitors and I wonder what percentage of them only considered themselves?

Only cosidering themselves is also something I have accused this nation of who have gradully been pushed this was due to the politics adopted in recent years.

Oddly many of the overpaid celebrities seem to view the current crisis as a way of pushing this agenda even further. Almost unbelievably they are pushing for this at the wrong end of the sales?!

Wow .. I just relaised that the very last two episodes of one my my all time favourite TV series is currently on Channel 4 and I actually have a picture?! This is the Fraiser episodes part 1 and 2 and .. I never got to see them!

My bloody God! Laura Linney, Richard E. Grant and Robbie Coltrane are all in it?!

Lol!

Now the last one is about to come on and I find myself wondering that what with the revelations of late how many people I watch on TV have been guilty of one thing or another.

Britain has had sudden successes in sports for the first time in years in like athletics and cycling and even today there is yet another accusation and talk about people getting up to stuff.

When we suddenly went from zero to success in some things I could not help but wonder if there was a little .. help? Lo and behold there then follows whispers and talks that eventually get on the TV News.

But some lowly no one with a humble blog trying to do the right thing, be factual and tell the truth and have struggled for five years to get the numbers up ..

.. do you know that just the other day when I told someone how to SEARCH for my blog, because websites being messaged are mostly banned, they complained that it was with Google's Blogger and did not like blogs hosted by them?!

Huh? Would you believe that in Frasier everyone ended up happy from what is a sad ending? Even the crippled father, Martin Krane, ended up meeting someone that loved him and they got married?! Yeah .. like I said I never saw the endings and not even sure I saw anything of the last series. Ask me how this was and I am not even sure I can give you an answer. Might put it down to memory problems and all of the crap above.

Yup ten to fifteen years to see the conclusion of one of my favourite TV series and I even used to watch Frasier in Cheers years before his spin-off. Could not believe it would work when I first heard they did a series but look how that went?!

A shame real life is not even like Frasier where there are people that give a crap.

Jesus, I cried at the end of Frasier! Must be that I have seen the show so many times over the years and even repeatedly. That here I am twenty years or so after I first started watching it and it was kind of sad. Or maybe it is everything else that has been and is going on? Yeah probably a combination.

I have been feeling down lately and things are dragging at which is not helping. I am annoyed that my condition seems to prevent many things .. even doing the things I want.

I fact despite knowing this for a number of years it has never been more apparent than it has been of late .. compounded by the evil actions of this and previous governments. Had they not done half of the things they had I would be quite successful by now. In fact long before now.

So all those scores of people that stated that I should be a millionaire with everything that I know, am capable of and I have done .. will finally be able to say “at fucking last!”

Except the government either like to think they know better than everyone else when they do not, clearly, or they just do not care about lives and like playing by the numbers and, well more or less, gamble .. with people's lives. Even when those lives and singled out and pointed out they still carry on with the same evil and deceptive crap. And they like to make us the ones to look like common criminals and not worth caring about?!

Yeah except for one small little bitty tiny detail .. the last time I checked and except for a tiny percentage .. we are all human!

So looks like a shit load of human right violations, does it not? Towards a family with four cases of disability and cancer one of which is currently homeless, with a disability, and five which are being threatened with homelessness.

Combined you would be hard pushed two find a single story as bad as these especially when you have two running in parallel soo .. where IS this media agent that admitted that this whole thing was staggering and completely shocking?! Hmm 'where' indeed? A visit from government, anyone?

He contacts every single day for like a week or two at the most and then silence for the next four weeks. How does that work exactly? Is is this I have been keeping quiet for the last six weeks .. because what was supposed to take place in as little as a week we are wondering what is going on six weeks later. “I might go quiet for a little while” he said at one point. Yeah well no one goes on holiday for a whole month and says “I am going on holiday for a little while”! Lol.

We decided to give it to the end of March but it is proving to be hard. You cannot do anything or repair anything while your waiting and you still have the shit to deal with, the proverbial wolves at your doors and public services making your lives a living hell .. purely because they can and get aay with it.

I told you long ago on here that getting rid of Legal Aid was getting rid of everyone's basic humn rights.

I told yah so.

THE NUMBERS ARE UP .. & UP

Ooh boy.

Just got into a disagreement with someone that pooh-poohed the news I am about to talk about who got it all wrong!

"Oh that has been known about for years! Look here is a link"

First off we got into a disagreement which was heated because he started it. Oddly he comes out with some crazy sounding conspiracy theories and get annoyed when you disagree with him. Like a wall around London they will build to protect the rich and wealthy which will be built after they have gotten everyone poor out. Yeah there are web-pages about that shit. He also states that the poor wont be allowed in the countryside of the UK because that will be used for holidays for the rich and wealthy. Yeah right.

But I mention that a campaign group, 38 Degrees and see below, has just emailed me that states that they have started a campaign against General Practitioners taking money and bribes to not refer people off to hospital and he pooh-poohs it?!

Remember me stating about British white people simply not working together? Could be down to egos and not wanting others to do something right and notable when they want it to be them? Could be, I just do not know.

HE then showed me it was on the Guardian newspaper and my arguments were two fold with some other things. First off the Guardian is seen as being left and not many take notice of it just as the Daily Mail is seen as being right-wing. "No .. it is centre" was his response. I very literally burst out laughing! Yeah, I said, that is why they get Kevin Maguire and Andrew Pierce from both papers who argue like cat and dog, though probably for show. Because one is right and the other is centre?! Lol.

This was the same person I argued with about the BBC as he claimed they were right-wing and he also claimed that Jeremy Corbyn is left.

Everyone he ever blames for doing anything to him is right-wing, or saying something he does not agree with. Everyone that says stuff that makes it look like they might take away all the things that piss hi off personally .. always seem to be centre.

The BBC is most certainly not right-wing nor have they ever been. Though this could change.

Jeremy Corby is most certainly NOT centre. Neither is The Guardian!

I got a lecture once again about how good st research he is and how he keeps abreast of all this stuff and that is why he knew about it and I did not?!

No .. I have two fucking news apps on my phone .. because I never bother keeping abreast of things and have not posted nearly 3,400 posts about stuff in the news!

He also completely missed the point .. apart from the fact that no one I know has ever been aware of this very old news story about GP's taking money and bribes to not refer people, the point was that it was being reacted to by shock and the fact that a charity has picked up on it means it will not only be accepted as a fact .. but that many are now finding out about it! TOTALLY .. missed the point.

Plus that is not including the fact that he pooh-poohed something I was rather excited about! Cheers mate, I will remember to do that with you next time you give me reasons why I should believe some crazy sounding conspiracy theory .. like walls around London and hundred thousands of homes being built to house the poor and working class they are ferrying up to Manchester by the coach load. His words. Oh boy.

So the campaign site 38 Degrees seem to have picked up on this .. I have yet to sign it and I am going to put this on here to see if I can crash their site. Lol, joking of course.

When I first went onto the web-page there was a little over 160,000 people and a few minutes later there was 167,000 people?! Hang on ..

Signed it and it is at 171,000 by the time I finish this sentence, God know how many it will be by the time I publish this post? They also want 500,000 signatures and I think it will pass this in less than 48 hours time?

It seems almost poetic that I have been talking and posting about this only very recently, claiming I predicted this long ago and now it has come out as a campaign!

I .. told you so! A long TIME ago too!

So Tory policies are so good a recent policy, oh who am I kidding? A long time Tory policy is that you should also use LIES and cover ups because no one agrees with you.

Once again ..

• Do not diagnose and save money and ..
• Save money for the DWP while you are at it and ..
• Save money for a hundred or so Local Councils too
• Maybe save money for others I have not thought of?!
• Oh except maybe all the taxpayer funded OMBUDSMAN too?!

I REST MY CASE!

Well do not worry .. I wont rest .. until I am dead.

Meanwhile go and sign the petition!

ADDITIONAL:

First off I realised there was no mention of the fact that General Practitioner's should be struck off in their scores .. except for the fact that those that have this power are also those more guilty than the guilty GP's!

Secondly I think that their target of 500,000 is going to be reached pretty quickly?! More on that before I end this additional part in an hour ..

I have also been having my chest, or what I call, episodes. They have been playing up now and then for about a week. No registering of irregular heart beat on my blood pressure monitor either in the last ten minutes and despite two readings. These palpitations have been pretty strong and at it for a couple of hours with the present episode.

This has caused me to wonder what I would do if I died from all of this crap. I mean I am being, as well as have been, ripped asunder physically and emotionally thanks to the NHS and the DWP along with two Local Councils because of nothing more than pure evil, acts of inhumanity over pure greed. Money, in other words. I am not the only one either as my daughter and grandchildren are having the exact same done to them.

If I died .. none one that visited here would know that I had or why I had died.

I have nothing in place to let people know either and this is because I do work alone and .. I simply do not trust anyone.

Believe me when I say I would love to have a team of people I worked with. Like minded people and thus far, sorry to everyone else, I have only ever met one and we already do something together. We manage a Facebook page over Universal Credit, despite the fact the one I do this with does not claim it! Lol.

I suppose that the ownership of my blogs would go to that person, they would have to acquire access, or a new password, and then announce my death and the reason for it? Provided, that is, that nothing happens to them .. annnd .. well they do have something too!

We both have a particularly questionable .. five years ahead of us. They have one with a question mark and I cannot imagine being alive in five years, if I am honest with you.

Back to the topic and two hours later the number of signatures is at ..

176,005 and bearing in mind it is now after 10pm so likely slowed down in the last hour?

That is roughly 2,500 per hour but this will fluctuate but if we combined 2,500 signatures an hour by 48 hours .. comes to 120,000. 

OK so maybe it wont get to 500,000 in 48 hours? Unless of course it spreads like wild fire, oh please God please, on social media!

Then maybe the TV News networks might get asked by an ever growing number of people how they have failed to mention this?! Oh once again .. please God! Lol.

Late Addition TWO:

From a link to an article in the Guardian newspaper it was revealed that General Practitioners were offered 'incentives' back in 2015. The link is at the bottom. The way the guy was talking to me was if it was a lot earlier than that. I was thinking maybe 2004 to 2007 but no..

I first published that this was going on when I first started this blog back in 2012. That was the other thing that was annoying about a recent conversation .. I had already declared it so was not the 'new' news it appears to be to others. I was also aware this was going on for years before I even started blogging ..

Because I had been quite deliberately fucked about from around the year 2000 to 2003 and have letters regarding it fro 2003. But it was I that discovered that the pain in my feet I had been asking about was a symptom of Fibromyalgia and discovered that around three years ago. So from 2000 to 2015 I was asking constantly and sent for tests but not concurrently. I had to basically either had to nag them to death for the next test or manoeuvre them into a position where they had no choice.

https://speakout.38degrees.org.uk/campaigns/3553?utm_source=email&utm_medium=blast&utm_campaign=28_2_2018_gpreferals_50ktest&bucket=email-blast-28_2_2018_gpreferals_50ktest

Guardian Report from 2015 ..

https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2015/oct/01/gp-practices-offered-rewards-for-not-referring-patients-to-hospitals

ASTRONOMICAL LINKS

This is weird.

Over the years, leaving aside my test pilot great grandfather who died testing the precursor to the Avro Lancaster, I have discovered links.

These links have been my surname and to each of a science I am well versed in our have a degree in.

The first of these was a frog in Australia. The second was when Intel named a previous CPU under the code-name of Haswell. Now a third as an astronomer at the Open University, not sure which one or of there is more than one, is called Professor Carole Haswell?!

It would be less weird were my surname a more common one, like Smith or Jones, alas.

But my name is not one you come across much .. at least not this particular surname within my family which has Williams, among others. But as my surname is what it is and the fact that it has turned up on these three areas, oooh in healthcare too in the Wirral a long time ago with a staff member called Julia if I recall correctly, it seems a bit .. well, weird.

I wonder if it will surface in time in other areas I am knowledgeable in?

Though sometimes

The power of three! Lol.

On another note and before I got a chance to post this little titbit .. I have a court date for my PIP appeal and .. I was OK at first but then I started to get a little bit of anxiety over it.

The fact is that despite it being not too far away, 3rd April I think it is, but it was the time of the day .. bearing in mind I am technically homeless .. or i have a home but am 242 miles away from it. Hmm maybe a little further than that? The time of the court appeal hearing for someone that basically has a sleep disorder is 10am. This is two bus journeys away from me! Also recall that I have short term memory loss and I already forgot about the protest that was supposed to take place o the 1st or 2nd March for PIP/UC by DPAC?! Oh fuck it! That was what I thought when I realised I had missed it but then maybe it did not go ahead due to the snow?

Also the little bit of anxiety was also down to the fact that a lot of riding on this and the outcome of the court hearing not only affects me but also affects my daughter and grandchildren! Who themselves have been waiting 6 months for help, had benefits slashed by 75% on one and capped on others and lied to by Wirral Council.

I have also had no response from Google and Adsense over my missing adverts! I have sent several feed-backs and literally about to do this again and one advert out of three DID appear but has since disappeared.

So with the blogs I am back to square one and even my daughter now tells me that she thinks I am right and that the government and deliberately sticking their oars into our business to stop us getting help or more importantly money.

This is because she has realised that everything I ever said is true, she has been lied to and fucked over with her own Fibromyalgia and two cases of Autism and not forgetting the domestic violence thing. She eve stated one day that she went mad at the council because they refused something they were supposed to help with ..

.. their reason was that they only give that help for people leaving prison?!

She went mad, told them she was a victim of domestic violence and this is why she moved and that she was being refused help that her partner would get whenever he leaves prison?! Nine years earlier than they stated he would leave prison, I might add.

I told her that you only get looked after or get any help if your evil and a liar and that we both knew someone who was/is an evil thief and a liar but who had gotten away with it for years. Still doing it it seems and despite investigations nothing came of it. Nothing. Twenty five fucking years they have gotten away with it and still are?!

So three people with disabilities, one technically homeless while the other two are a few months from proceedings starting to make them homeless. Even though one of those people with a disability is a child, which could very well include a second and four children all told.

Bit David Cameron and George Osborne went on Twitter to boast egotistically about their plans finally reaching their goals, several years and scores of dead mothers and disabled people later?!

Sorry you two tossers but everyone was supposed to be in this together but I do not recall a single story of someone who was affluent being found dead from starvation, freezing to death or suicide.

Sorry for the rest of the Tories but claims about a better future for everyone is also a bare faced lie because .. well see my last paragraph .. people have died and therefore the poor, jobless and disabled have paid the ultimate of prices on many occasions. Everyone is not valued the exact same. So 'everyone' is not 'everyone' and that a great many are therefore 'no-one' according to your rule book. Unless of course they are some downtrodden person from overseas where you can get a but of good public relations? Yeah they can be poor but if it is a person getting media attention because of some plight or struggle then you make it look like you care about people with no money. Well all except for your own people of course.

No my daughter sees this now and is fully aware that we are both being screwed over and lied to and she recently discovered this and in so doing realised that she had been lied to for six months. No excuses, no reasonable explanation .. she was lied to and the blog post can be found from several years ago where I already pointed out a trap set up by both the DWP and Local Councils that even a social worker I know personally realises was a trap set up by the government. Fuck .. that took several years to make him see this and I was shocked when he finally realised and stop doing his 'jobsworth' act recently. In fact he got the mistaken impression that Ofsted's involvement in a meeting taking place IN a school, had something to do with the school and just before he rang off told me if he was the teacher he would tell Ofsted to "fuck off". I thought "oh so now your picking and choosing what government funded bodies do their jobs properly? But the statement confused me before I realised later he had made the wrong assumption. "Umm .. you know the meeting only TOOK PLACE in the school right, and that it was nothing to do with the school themselves?" to which he answered with a simple "Oh!"

On an interesting side note my conspiracy theorist friend sent me a message stating that he thinks that the British people are finally seeing things .. hang on ..

"I think a lot of people are now realising the truth?" he said in a message.

Considering he used to argue that everyone was secretly amoral unless on TV and that nothing would ever change for the better, only worse, that is saying something.

Like I said to him and my daughter .. once everyone knows the truth they have to decide whether they want to be as moral as they would normally appear on camera, TV cameras that is, and microphone or reveal themselves to be just a bunch of amoral twats. Or, of course, lefties that like to appear that they are moral but only seem to do this when it concers certain sections of society?

If the conspiracy theorist is right we may soon find out?

First light which ever shone in universe picked up by astronomers in 'revolutionary' breakthrough http://flip.it/2syK4T

DAMNED IF YOU DO

I am .. annoyed with myself.

I have been drawn into an argument that became loud and heated by someone that thinks everything bad in their life, and their past, trumps everyone else. Even those with cancer, to which they have now done this twice to two separate people. One dead and one not.

For thirty years we have heard that they have health conditions and could die any day. In recent years I have lost a number of people to death and so have they but it still makes no difference.

Despite being told by a friend that he thinks I have been amazing to go four weeks without them starting an argument or me being drawn into one, I am still annoyed with myself.

Fortunately there is someone missing from this equation today .. as of this morning away for two days but .. if they hear what has happened .. I am going to get it in the neck, despite notbeing the perpetrator.

But then the perpetrator loves to twist the truth .. they are someone that not only like to play the victim card but likes to sit there cutting out all the victim cards ready for them to use upon getting the slightest excuse. Well .. excuses are not really needed nor have been used for many years.

You see if you try to talk about any subject and within ten minutes the subject gets changed. If you try to state there is no relevance to the subject matter they claim that there is and need to talk, because it is 'important' when it is not, for the next two hours. There never will be nor never is anything of relevance. It switches to politics and leftist attitudes are brought in and then about their .. health condition. Then it moves onto how their kids do not give a crap about them .. despite the fact we all suffer from anxiety and that they are the most stressful person in the world to be around. My friends fear being around them for more than a few minutes. Hence why I was told I have been amazing to last this long.

At the end when they are losing or lost the argument facts then get tossed out the window and divide and conquer techniques that should stay in the school playground, come into it. “You DON'T KNOW what the others say about you!” is one common line. Yeah .. that is fucking relevant! The other is and I had today “you have done nothing but talk about your health conditions since you got here!” I knew that one would come so I said “Oh, do I?! So how many chest episodes and blackouts have I had since I got here?!” They then walked out the room and upstairs.

After hearing about how none of us give a shit about them because they cannot go on about their epilepsy, which is mild and I have never witnessed an episode and no grand mal, for a few hours I said “My daughter has fucking cancer that will kill her and I have to listen about this?!”

A friend of mine recently stated, upon hearing of a few things she said and a few other things I have heard her say, that they need to speak to a professional. I said “I have been telling you that for fucking years!”

To be fair .. I knew that the situation could get like this when I came here .. but not this bad and not every single fucking day. After a whiff of this heading in that direction I had no choice but to cut the conversation short and retreat to a room 6ft by 9ft. Does not leave a lot of space with some essentials in there, let me tell you. Hence I was praised for going this long by one .. while two siblings out of four will blame me when they find out this has occurred.

The hilarious thing is that the very first thing that I stated in that hour or two conversation is that I need to go and see a Doctor. This person never got to hear why it is that I need to see one .. that is how much it is me that does all the talking. But I listened to stories and whinging that I have heard a dozen times since I got here. Hence why I have had to walk out of the room several times while they was in mid sentence. There were plenty of other times I simply left the room before it even had a chance to head in its unavoidable direction. That was purely being tactical. As my siblings all say that spending too much time, normally anywhere between five and ten minutes, will result in it ending this way and that is without fail.

But I have had to stay here and for longer than I had planned too. Oddly enough this amount of time is down to one of the two that will complain to me. In fact of they do I will point out that had they not taken so long to advertise my car, around three weeks, I would have sold it and already be gone and therefore this argument would not have occurred at all.

It simply is not normal anyway and like someone said to me in a strange tone as to get across how much worse things are than even they realised “Oooh nooo, Martin. They really need to speak to a professional!” by which he meant a psychiatrist. I said that I had been saying this for years .. but as I also stated .. they would be convenient with the truth, make themselves look like the victim and do that to get attention, ammunition to use against us in the hope that they would change us. SO we all sit around as a family while they harp on about the past for four hours solid. Not a single one of us can handle this but then as I have found out through others .. they would not put up with it for a single moment and none understand how we have done it for all these years.

It is an absolutely crazy situation that I have liked to blame on the NHS for the last fifteen years or so but .. like I said I do not know, at the end of the day, if the blame is warranted or can be attributed because .. I tend to feel like they LOVE being like this and doing this. Even one sibling mentioned the “victim card” which is a phrase I am familiar with but never thought I would hear anyone in my family use to describe this person?!

Oh and why do I need to go to see a Doctor? Because I have these really bad leg pains as a result of a vitamin deficiency that for the lest few years have been controlled by vitamin pills. Well for the last three days they appear to be refusing to work and I have leg pains that have become worse over those three days.

I had already started to rub my legs in the evenings the last couple days .. this morning I was rubbing my legs like crazy .. rubbing them while making a cup of tea, prior to said incident, and have been while typing this out.

After this I need to Google this to see what is going on, as it is Saturday and I am worried this will now get worse. Though I have just remembered though I already took one vitamin pill this was singly and I need to take my usual pills that has another and different vitamin pill in. In other words I would have taken two, vitamin overdoses not withstanding, to see if that stops the pain?

But I came back here nevertheless.

This would go some way to explaining how bad things got where I was?

I had previously told people I would rather die than ever have to live here again and I never foresee it ever happening .. up until about five weeks ago, that is.

So it is down to the sale of my car .. which was forced out of my hands by the one that started to argument. Left to someone else that took three weeks to advertise it, already had the pics before coming back here, who will blame me for this. Remembering I am the only one in my family with a registered disability?! Homeless temporarily for the sixth time.

Then there is the PIP fiasco and the DWP and Job Centre lying and taking money away, from my disability to that of starting my own business. Would never have been forced to come back here at all of it were not for that.

Solicitor trying to get my PIP back? Taken well over a year and I would not have come back here at all had this been sorted out much earlier!

What else? Oh of course the public services refusing point blank to do anything at all for a single mother of four children, two testes as Autistic, who herself has cancer?!

This is not forgetting the absolute balls-ups the Police have created while all this was going on .. plus previous balls-ups.

As I walk into my room I see a message from my daughter, ooh have I not mentioned her? It is a photo of a bill that HMRC sent her as they have done thousands upon thousand, if not tens of thousands upon tens of thousands, of others.

The letter states that despite receiving the exact same money for many many years, as it has done with all the other single mothers that received this fuck-up of a letter, that one year was an overpayment and they want the money back?! That is over £5,000 and do you recall about me stating that the 'bean-counters' cannot count?

Four children, being paid £25 of their £100 per week rent. Capped for various reasons, no council tax benefit and no fucking help moving house and now has to pay £5,300?!

If anyone cannot work out that there is much more going out than coming in without the need for a calculator then they are a fucking idiot!

My daughter said to me “How can the Tories be doing stuff like trying to use a court to take away the human rights of disabled people and the British public still sit on their arses?” I told her I do not know but that I have the same problem with my blog. Everyone is either very naïve, highly amoral or that this country is largely made up of a mixture of those two. “But they would not get away with it in France?” is often a response I get to explaining that to anyone.

So I am manded if I do and damned if I don't in my current situation ..

If I say anything at all and get to finish it is all too much for someone, stress wise despite the anxiety thing being an issue for the four they complain about.

If I try to say anything I am often cut-off to a tirade of whining about very old stuff reminisced about because no one else's problems are as big or as serious as theirs.

If I say nothing, or indeed if we say nothing, we are all bastards because we do not tell them anything! Despite me telling her for fucking years that she does not give us the chance 99% of the time so we gave up trying a long time ago. Not one of us but FIVE of us and the penny still does not drop! Or they do not care because it is just something else to complain about?

Now with the homelessness, the cancer, the chest episodes, the other threat of homelessness that involves four children and the one with cancer, the pain being experienced by me, the blackouts, the pain of my daughter and many other things besides you would think that .. well they might put aside whinging about us or me for a few months?!

Not a fucking cat's chance in hell.

Yeah .. they need to speak to someone professional!

But then again.

Funny speaking about naivety as how many people thought Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Starbucks and Apple, among others, were wonderful companies? How many thought they had left leaning ideas and politics only for it to come out that there is no truth in this?

Maybe it requires another year?

THE LONG TIME COMING

I have .. stuck my foot out .. metaphorically speaking.

I am not sure what has happened but for the first time in over a week and to my shock I have had some anxiety this morning. Might be something to do with that metaphorical foot? But then that would then be down to someone who has been over the top negative to the point of showing they have an agenda?

But after I got fed up tossing and turning I opened my laptop and saw a tab open in my browser and remembered a news article on the Guardian newspaper's website. This was to do with the mess that is the PIP benefit and what they have been doing to disabled people.

It is not so much that they talk about what a mess it is or what they are doing to people. It is not so much that it refers to mobility cars being taken away from disabled people. No it is more to do with the date the article was published and a reminder that it often takes a fair old while before anything appears in the news media. Though the TV News is far worse than the tabloids in this respect.

The date is the 7th June 2016.

I cannot recall exactly when it was I lost my PIP but .. I think it was later than this? Was trying to recall this yesterday and thought it was later than this by several months but .. now that I think about it it might have been earlier?

I recall the month of October and I did think that was when I first went onto Universal Credit? But then I thought this morning that this was when I was kicked off Universal Credit? But I am also wondering if this was when I first went onto Jobseeker's Allowance?

All I know is that I was on JSA for awhile when I then took the plunge and went onto the New Enterprise Allowance scheme which was in January 2017. Which was all to do with my online blogging I had been building up and working towards for 4.5 years, at the time.

I have so many possibilities presently that any normal person would feel confident. Well .. I was feeling confident.

But you get these moments where you are reminded that barely anything ever goes right and even when it does it only seems to do this momentarily and then goes wrong.

Though I did state to someone recently that maybe this was .. meant to happen, what took place recently?

As always I am terrible at remembering the basic and the mundane and I have forgotten my pills for two days in a row. Whenever that happens I start to wonder if it is three days in a row? My thighs and calf muscles are aching this morning from around 6am which is an absolute definitive sign that I have gone two days at least without my pills. The first two things I will notice, not the more dangerous and unnoticeable ones like blood pressure, are muscle pains from both my legs and heartburn. You might think of it as a reminder but its a damned pain in the rear. I am wondering if the anxiety is now another one as this seems to have occurred before any sign of heartburn?

Forgetting the pains in my legs or the pains in my feet or ankles .. also forgetting the high blood pressure for a moment. The intense anxiety and what it is linked to with mental health is something that they seem to mention in the news reports about PIP returning to where it was previously. Though I am not entirely convinced it was ever on a good position to begin with? I mean, yes just like DLA I had previous to this, before that was taken away for 7 years, I got it and it was taken away. But with DLA it was easier to get awarded. PIP was refused twice some time apart and I had it awarded on an about face decision because I threatened to expose them. It is all on here .. somewhere.

I wonder if someone, somewhere at some .. point will do a break down of how much money these so-called bean-counters and business experts that call themselves the Conservative Party have actually cost this country and its taxpayers?

Maybe two lists?

A list of the losses and a list of the dead?

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jun/07/pip-disaster-disabled-access-report-benefits