LIFE LAID OUT

I sometimes stop and think about all the things that I have stated online. I get angry at times and other times just passionate and I allow this to show through to get my point across. Well .. that is the hope.

The truth is what happens now with anything out there cannot make much of a difference to me, so why do I do it. Because it is the right thing to do.

You simply cannot progress as a society if it is a society based upon lies, deception, corruption and an attitude that leans towards everyone being amoral.

I also do it because of the life that I have had and the number of times I have sunk down deep through no fault of my own and this has all come about from .. trusting people. Added to this was trusting the public services as you do not expect the Police, health professionals and local government to be lying scumbags that will simply let you suffer pain and mental anguish. But they do.

What ires me about it all is this is the same people and organisations that would not allow things like voluntary euthanasia. Because they believe it is wrong and very likely from some deluded religious belief.

Sorry but they are wrong and they are all hypocritical and the fact that they nor anyone else sees it is nothing less than staggering. Simply staggering.

This has now long since extended from normal people that are jobless to disabled people and now even children. As of right now this has spread to disabled children and how long that has gone on for I simply do not know.

The worst part about it all is the deceit. They say they are for the people and that their intentions is to help but they have proved over and over again without a shadow of a doubt that these are all lies.

A year ago I was in my own home .. with my disability and had secretly spent a long time trying to create an .. income for myself. Or spent a very long time building up to this point. Then they decided to change everything around. I had worked my way up with my camera equipment getting an ever better camera on each occasion but after more than six cameras I had still not acquired anything even regarded as semi-professional. Nothing that took RAW images, for one example, and nothing that was waterproof as another example and nothing that possessed a fast lens fr artistic images for yet another. Then I could talk about focusing speeds, ISO levels for photos in disappearing light levels and viewfinders. All these things all combine to increase you getting 'that shot'. Or in other words an increased number of usable photographs in any given situation that wont break if it rains when your out. Simply owning cameras that are not waterproof would put you off leaving the house with it at the slightest chance of rain on any given day. Whole days of not taking a single photograph.

So it is hard to imagine that now owning a professional camera and several lenses, though minus the most important lens, that I now find myself without a home. That I have found myself having dozens of days where I have simply wanted to die.

I have thought about selling my camera equipment but that would put me back to where I was an minus a shed load of money and tools and .. well quite simply .. I would rather die. What would be the point? You work your butt off and then manage to find a way to acquire the tools you need and then a bunch of others, mostly governmental vampires telling outright lies, fuck you over as soon as they see a chance.

It is unbelievable when I think of the number of things that have gone wrong ..

• Google's Software (I have worked for over 5 years)
• Google's Advertising (Them assuming their software just works when it does not)
• Job Centre (Pressure for me to start my own business)
• Personal Independence Payments (Lying and taking away half my income)
• Disability Living Allowance (Refusing to pay and/or backdate Autistic child's DLA)
• Two Local Councils, Wirral and Enfield (Not even getting started)
• NHS in so many departments and in so many ways (DITTO)
• Help Organisations that simply don't listen (CAB and others, did effing warn them)
• Help Organisations that think they have to help in ONE area (though several needed help in)
• One MP (Did email Frank Field about all this)
• Work & Pensions Select Committee (Did email them about all this!)
• Social Workers (Constantly lied, refused to help but kept sticking their noses in regardless)
• Family Support (Did fuck all)
• Victim Support (Did fuck all and tell mother to “Get on with it” and is “Just like everyone else”?!)
• Two Police Forces have not exactly helped either!

So yeah ones just off the top of my head.

If you cannot get any help, support or even sympathy when you have three disabled people and one with cancer whose best friend as just lost a baby with a week to go to term then I am sorry .. but there is no help for anyone ..

Unless of course help and support is only due if you possess a lot of money or you are a celebrity in one industry or another? I mean if that is how it is then just say so. Do not mislead tens of millions of people into thinking that they are important when they are not and .. not allowing voluntary euthanasia while allowing mental anguish, pain, suffering starvation and exposure to go on for week after week, month after month and year after year is just fucking utter madness and the worst kind of hypocrisy.

Watch TV and anyone would think we are a nation of moral people that would not put up with anything and especially actions against other human beings that had adverse and especially long lasting effects.

My own plan was the increase the frequency and content of wildlife on my YouTube channel and my two blogs, exotic and native, as well as that as some artistic photography. Also being more relaxed my writing would improve.

None of these things really got a chance to happen and some only getting a slight increase over a few weeks before ceasing altogether.

I ended up in a house where anything expensive got broken within days if you was unlucky and weeks if you was lucky and this was getting worse. I also used up money intended for the last few tools I needed. So I am actually missing four things I intended to purchase and I would be happy if I just had two of those right now .. along with somewhere to live, of course.

I am not relaxed enough for my writing to improve and being creative is impossible in the current climate and I have no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Someone was supposed to provide a light at the end of this damned tunnel .. well in fact they talked about this damn light but then walked away and after a couple of weeks turned off the lamp without any explanation .. just the occasional feeble excuse.

Things are up and down .. unfortunately far more down than they are up and .. this is most .. annoying.

I have to visit a Doctor this week .. or a surgery and yessss .. another bloody one! I simply have no choice.

I am having issues sleeping too some nights and this is becoming a worrying trend. A very worrying trend.

A question I often ask myself, though I mostly know the answer, is “Oh God, why are things so fucking hard?!” Really what I mean is why do you end up in these low moments where things seem to go wrong unexpectedly. You cannot plan for the unexpected.

Unfortunately when central or local government or the public services suddenly decide they are going to change things to cover up their own fuck ups .. things suddenly change for the worst. That is not only immoral but totally unfair.

“We are all in this together!” stated George Osborne.

For millions of people and growing .. that statement has proved to be one of the biggest lies in recent memory and one that will be remembered for the longest of times .. for all the wrong reasons. Still, maybe at some point in the future maybe this attitude will be stamped out and never happen to anyone ever again? With that twat's name going down in history as a lesson to not to lie to the people before you start sectioning them off and kicking each group in the teeth and destroying their lives.

Lost count of the number of times I have had my head in my hands or a hand on my forehead wondering how I am supposed to get things done or what I am supposed to do? Trying to think of ways to help others while at the exact same time trying to figure out ways of helping myself.

But .. wait a minute? Are there not dozens of advice and help organisations out there?! Well .. kinda but when you have been through their utterly stupid procedures to even get ti talk to them they are utterly useless and often clueless when you do! The best part is if the government change something that is clearly immoral and inhumane these advisors then say things like “Oh .. it is just very difficult now” as if they are right in what they are doing or they cannot fight these actions that are clearly crimes.

I have to try and see someone .. or a few people about things that have excessive waiting times when I do not have the time and these things or help is needed immediately in these cases .. not in six weeks bloody time.

“It is like there is a secret government within government” is what someone said to me several years back while I was on a nature reserve filming Banded Demoiselle Damselflies. I wonder what she thinks today?