DESTROYING LIVES BASED ON ASSUMPTIONS

In a roundabout way it comes down to this and this is something that my daughter can clarify very, very clearly.

A long, long time ago the authorities and courts to save a few hundred quid decided to base everything on assumptions. While they got paid tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands each year.

They denied an investigation and I gave a warning.

I knew this was a slippery slope at the time. I told the judges, barrister and solicitor this along with Wirral Council.

I went all the way to the .. umm big court in Liverpool. Cannot recall what it was called. High Court?

Anyway ever since then I was proved correct time after time after time. I am still being proved correct today and it is my firm belief that in all these past fifteen years or so all involved do not want me to show that I was right and that they was wrong and have been scurrying around to bury it ever since.

There are many other factors and things involved along the way that many would be very interested in revealing to the world.

But the reason is that.

If I can prove to the world I was correct it undermines every local council and every single court that made the same decisions made upon the same assumptions for the past twenty to thirty years.

That in itself is a scandal of gargantuan proportions and all because they wanted to save a few hundred quid at the time and because of on overly strict rule they had in place.

For the next twenty five years dozens of other shocking things have taken place and there may be a lot more than even I know about?!

Many of these they have been ignoring like the proverbial plague too because over half the country want to talk about it and the other half want to hide it or pretend these things are not happening.

In it's entirety it does not merely have the potential do damage much of the public organisations it WILL damage almost all of these organisations.

They got away with this via removal of legal aid and I suspected as much but never thought for a moment that I would pay so dearly for it nor would my daughter pay for it.

Live and learn.

THE WAIT

Oh my God-oh my God-oh my God!

Typed this out in a hurry on my phone before sticking it on charge to make sure I have enough battery for the next and very vital phone-call.

Ooh boy!

As if this morning wasn't bad enough?!

I'd been having a hard morning, it's also raining, and having a debate with myself about whether to go to hospital and have a row or ring '111' as I'm having anxiety and chest issues galore.

I then get a phonecall from my daughter which took my mind off it for awhile. Then she gets a call to say that my youngest granddaughter has had a fit in school and had to go. Worrying.

I remember being told she had, had fits when I lived there but nothing happened while I was there. In fact I thought maybe it was a one off thing and had since forgotten about it.

Bearing in mind at this point that my daughter had cervical cancer, older granddaughter is severely autistic .. except now they say she is not, despite being a massive problem to absolutely everybody. My daughter was also told she was being referred off over her own Fibromyalgia .. back in November 2017 and it's now April 2018 and nothing has come. Victim of domestic violence too and had to move house to which the council used the excuse to reduce her rent payments by 60%. Has a blood clot that was buggered up by not treating her correctly over her cervical cancer biopsy too and had a Doctor, only effing yesterday, forced to come out and say ..

"Couldn't you come down to the surgery for this?!"

Blood clot type red and yellow patches on her leg and back .. couldn't walk. Also had been in hospital over that the previous Saturday, Sunday and Monday and then asked to go to A&E to test for what they should have done on the Saturday.

I've had my daughter at her wits end and wanting to die over the stress this has caused.

I'm no longer there thanks to all these amoral, patronising, condescending tossers that work for what is now a 'Nanny State' of the worst kind because it has zero compassion.

So I lay here hoping everything is going to be OK and expecting a phone-call from my daughter from her home with the little one running around yabbering. That's not what I got ..

What I got was a video call with a half conscious little girl lying on a hospital bed with a tube down her throat and falling asleep. Me talking to her to keep her awake and her fighting and struggling to look at me on the phone screen. She couldn't manage it.

I thought she had been given drugs.

She had not been given drugs and my daughter has no idea why she is like that.

I'm currently terrified ..

I think I am goig to have a heart attack?!

Fuck .. the things I now want to type about this country, the NHS, the Local Council and the DWP who are now playing Russian Roulette with my grandchildren, daughter and .. quite obviously millions of people's lives.

Then there is this Alfie Evans crap going on.

Shit .. I should have told my daughter to remain calm because and I've told her before, of you lose it .. your automatically seen as being in the wrong. Because no one in the working class or lower is allowed to have any emotions. Also it helps draw attention away from themselves!

No I could say things far more derogatory and I could open up the offensive words dictionary but .. must .. hold .. back.

Fuck! This is going to be .. bloody tough!

ALERT! BIASED MORON DETECTED!

Sorry .. I heard something else about Alfie before I posted this .. did another post because I was angry at the sheer patronising attitude of the court judge and forgot I had not posted this one..

As a forenote to mention something else I have since heard .. I rattled off a salvo about Judge Hayden making comments about summonses being issued for murder against three Doctors. Sorry but .. as I said in my other post .. a Judge CANNOT make decisions or even draw opinions because of another case. Not until it has been fully heard and a sentence given if any are due.

But he did this before even any preliminary hearing and that in itself is astounding. His argument is that filing legal proceedings against the NHS is seen in his eyes as hostility .. biased much?

Well .. I have now been told that the Italians are talking about doing the same?!

Hey, Judge Hayden? Please go and be condescending and patronosing to the Italian govenment and the Vatican?! Please? Pretty Please?! 

That I would dearly love to bloody read about!

Now onto this post, and the title. I ws orginally going to give the title just one word. Starting with the letter 'W' and ending in anker. But I have to keep it clean .. apart from the odd 'f-bomb' when I want to stress how angry I am about something.

That's Judge Hayden to you. In the title.

"All we want to do is what's best for Alfie's family" is what he said.

He did that while taking away their rights. Taking away Alfie's rights. Spoke on a condescending and patronising way about Alfie's patents attitude.

Like I said .. wanker!

'Taking Alfie to Italy (and somewhere else) is out of the question' he also stated or something to that effect.

An Italian citizen not allowed to go home?! Hmm now that I think about it did this not happen once before? With a real Italian citizen?!

Short answer, yes.

It was an Italian woman who have birth while in the UK that the authorities decided was not sane, was planning to take her new born baby off her and prevent the child and mother from returning to Italy.

Because in recent times the British government seems to know better than any other countries authorities and wants to take things out of everyone else's hands?!

Fuck me .. we really have become the World Police?!

Except .. it's all done with a hypocritical attitude no one notices and is kept quiet. In fact even this act of evil is probably done to hide the truth.

That the British government or the secret ring or group that controls them is treating it's own people like crap. Knowingly letting adults and children both fit, would be bad enough, and sick along with vulnerable .. die. This could be suicide, freezing to death or .. starving to death.

That very last point is an interesting one because after hearing that they turned off life support which didn't result in Alfie dying, making them look like the fools that they are. Yup, after hearing that I heard that .. I was told that they had not fed Alfie for some 20 hours prior to turning off life support?!

Wait, what?!

So let's get this straight?

It's wrong to take the poor child abroad in a bid to save his life but it's OK for them to starve him to death?!

These people have no one's best interests in mind and are nothing more than fucking evil monsters of this is true.

Heard of people that like to play God?

This one goes one better as they are playing both God and the DEVIL!

Who the fuck drags this out over six months or more, starves the child, refuses the child a chance, says no to another country, turns off the machines before this out country can stop them in court, the boy still survives making them look like the fucking incompetent idiots that they are and then still block any attempts to save him by preventing the parents from taking their son overseas?!

Am I actually getting that right?!

What the fuck is this?! Some fashionable attempt to look left wing going a little too far?!

I'm done with the UK have condescending twats in courts that think they are God and acting like they are of some higher order.

Jesus H. Christ over the next few years David Icke is going to have a fucking field day in his talks over this.

I'm wondering if a normally reserved woman I know on Facebook had a sudden outburst recently about the UK?

I also cannot help but wonder if this is deliberate?! Are the powers that be deliberately trying to incite something?

It's weird .. unbelievably obvious they're all fucking mental.

I don't think I'm going to bother putting myself through pain, rush of death (huh maybe that's their intention) to go to a fucking HMCTS court I know is corrupt anyway. If you can't trust the Supreme Court then the rest can fuck off!!

Disgusting .. truly I'm ashamed.

Honestly .. who would want to go through a fucking lengthy legal process like this in future only for hat outcome. No one I know wants to even bother looking for legal advice over the NHS. I know .. they tell me. The trouble is the medical records are then wrong, incomplete and that was the intention .. to get things left off medical records you you cannot prove anything when your being attacked, hounded and taken to court by these bastards.

They even get Police protection.

But then I have covered this before .. I know one person who had a disagreement with a GP who had lied. They pointed out he lied .. but he then said horrid things reducing a woman to tears .. her father came down, not me by the way, and the next thing the Police were demanding they leave.

These are the public services that take your taxes to award themselves handsomely .. do nothing and then asking for your sympathy when they have not got the pay rise they wanted or expected. Than go back to doing nothing.

In one of my recent posts I posted a recording of my daughter .. lied to by the NHS, Local Council and DWP. Has cervical cancer .. a blood clot they fucked up about over 2.5 days .. just happened and I will get to that momentarily. A child with severe autism they have now lied about. Will be made homeless before the year is out. Big patch on her leg now, might be two, very large with red and yellow and according to what we have read .. BLOOD CLOT!

I imagine that despite her raging over being fucked about and lied to she will be in hospital before the day is through?

It does not matter which public service it is .. they are all, or the major ones are, corrupt!

Judge rejects plea to fly sick Alfie Evans to Italy but asks doctors to consider letting tot go home http://flip.it/RKkUa-

HEALTH ATTACKS, LIARS, WEIRDOS & STALKERS

Every now and then things can get .. overwhelming.

Sometimes .. different symptoms can coincide to become either simultaneous or arrive in quick succession. This is what happened in the last 36 hours.

A few days after my cancelled court hearing I had a night where I could not sleep .. until after 4am and had that had happened on the day of the court hearing this would have gone against me and I have a serious issues with this with both my solicitor and HMCTS themselves.

Now I am going to describe what kind of happened next ..

It was my first day of sunshine for a fair old while, a couple of weeks, and I desperately wanted to get some photography done. I had planned to go to Forty Hall, close to where I used to live. Only due to not getting to sleep until well after 4am I awoke at 11.08am and I felt like crap.

Still .. I managed to drag myself out with the camera equipment.

Except I started to feel some .. trepidation ad I do not know why. I started to panic about something happening to the equipment and I started to panic about the pain I would get and if I could do this.

I had two buses to catch and in the end I decided to get off the first bus early and I wound up in Finsbury Park instead. My daughter rang me just as I entered the park.

I then discover that my daughter was getting a series of phone-calls and messages from someone that was then cancelling the messages and deleting the number before she eve read the messages .. only ever seeing a single question mark in one message.

I told her that I had re-linked in a recording of the visit from two detectives from 2011 and that due to someone that was speaking to me I had decided to do this to see if I could flush anyone out. I told my daughter that I had even put the line 'Let's go fishing' in the post 'The Tao Of Reason' and the contact mentioned in 'The Mystery' and that this was only the day before and that I had wondered if something odd would happen. Her mystery stalker was most definitely odd. She, however, thought that it was someone that she knew who was most definitely .. well .. odd. Oddly enough the person who was supposed to win his PIP back for his Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Something we both think now could well have been a lie. He has been showing some very bizarre behaviour even towards me when I met him .. just twice. He seems obsessed with my daughter and also seemed somewhat strangely obsessed, now beyond dangerously obsessed, with other .. girls. After weirdly stating that he was going to receive his £6,500 in PIP back-payments in two payments .. which I have never heard done before, he then explains he gave the first lot to a female friend he then ran off with the money. The same girl had told other people that this man had fled Chester, where he is from, because he abused or raped a young girl. We then get told that the second lot of money was given to a family member to look after?!

I asked if he had produced a single item to show that he had received anything at all in the way of money and I was told that he had not. I stated that I now thought that it was possible that he manufactured the court win hoping that my daughter would show interest in him.

He appeared to me months ago as someone that was so obsessed in getting a girlfriend that he was obsessed with several women at the exact same time. Provided that the others were not 'manufactured' to illicit a jealous response from my daughter, of course?

Then I was told that she was still getting messages and the phone number was still disappearing but eventually she sent a message and asked who it was. An answer came back with 'Kevin'. Neother of us knew a 'Kevin'. When told this and asked again who and where he was from he said 'Salisbury'?!

Salisbury is well known for three things currently .. that Russian ex-spy being poisoned, Stonehenge and .. the person I speak about in the post I referred to earlier called 'The Mystery'.

Yeah .. someone that is speaking to me, or at least was, that has a connection to both MI5 and GCHQ who lives in the vicinity of Salisbury and now my daughter who is 250 miles away from here in a North West direction has someone claiming to be from the exact same area?! Coincidence, much?!

I came home .. too many people and for some strange reason too many kids in the park and I did not take a single photograph.

As I got home I got a phone-call telling me to be on my guard because the narcissist I live with has been at it again and destroyed a day being enjoyed by two other people .. because they have to be the absolute centre of the universe all of the time.

I was then struck down by a stomach .. problems .. well .. bowel problems while at the exact same time experiencing the feelings of both panic and anxiety.

After two lavatory sessions I was also feeling sleepy and likely due to the pain, walk, lack of sleep and the concerns over the .. stalkers.

I then got a phone-call from my daughter and she found out who this weirdo stalker actually is .. this weirdo called Mike I previously spoke about. She managed to ring the phone from a different number they did not know and he answered. On demanding to know why he did it he merely said that 'just a bit of a laugh'?!

My daughter, with cervical cancer, Fibromyalgia and two children with Autism, said that if she had done that to him, which was not in anyway funny at all, he would have gone crazy at her because he has been accused of rape .. back in Chester. But I guess it is only funny if you do this to someone else?!

As for me .. my panic and anxiety just kept increasing along with my heart palpitations and I became more and more sleepy with it and I kept tossing and turning about my situation, the cancelled court hearing, the lack of actual help from my solicitor and the contradictory statements I am getting from court and solicitor and when in the world this fucking torture is going to end so that I can actually get the fuck outta here?!

One court to do something .. correct a bloody mistake. One media agent to do as he stated he would and when he would, now too late but would be fucking nice! One solicitor to actually do something other than send and receive letters and reports. Reading them would be nice! Reading my emails in full would be nice, as my social worker friend spent a year complaining about with them. The DWP actually paying my granddaughter and daughter for the cervical cancer, Fibromyalgia and Autism would be fucking nice! One fucking NHS to actually do a single fucking thing right and actually back a single person up in my family and actually prescribe the correct treatment and medication!!

But yeah .. the public services, all of them, think we are al just sitting around on our arses and have all the tie in the world with no issues or anything holding us up until they can manage to pull their thumbs out of their arses?!

Yeeah .. riggght!

I would suggest informing the Police but .. well we all know how good they have been in the last decade or two?! Even Manchester City's manager, Pep Guardiola, was shocked recently because the Police, ahem same force actually, just allowed an attack on their team's coach take place.

Public services are bunches of know it all people that each think they are the most intelligent people in the room when the truth is quite the opposite but get furious when you tell them so. Then lie and make false allegations towards those smarter then they are .. which invariably also do not work.

One country .. one bloody great mess.

EDIT: Pain in my shoulders that is driving me insane. Four lenses there may have been but I decided to not attack the tripod to the backpack. Bearing in mind it has attachments to hold a snowboard or skis?! God knows what it would be like fully loaded?!

There are three things I need .. I think, to be able to get about with less pain. A lens pouch to hold my heaviest lens which itself attaches to a Lowepro holster that is the same one, but smaller, I have. Also a Vanguard slingback that can house my camera with said lens. I have two sling packs but you cannot get my camera and zoom lens in it! END EDIT

ENTER THE OFSTED

Would you believe it?

After many months, July 2017 it started, and finally someone else gets involved .. well other than that Independent Review Officer who kept raising the complaint level time after time.

Now I had previous stated that I was concerned that the Independent Review, or Reviewing, Office was only placed there to make it appear they were all doing something to only serve as even more delay tactics?

I am also asking myself the exact same thing now we were surprised to find out that someone from Ofsted was going to sit in and would my daughter be OK with it?

Now I suppose it is possible that the IRO had something to do with Ofsted being there? Maybe it was just routine and they do this for so many cases? Maybe it had something to do with this blog? Who knows?

But at the end of the day and as was stated when asked .. this has been going on since July 2017 and it is now a hair's breadth away from being March 2018.

Remarks were made by Ofsted about why things have not been done and why other things have taken so long?! The threat to danger towards the children was made very clear provided in a detailed account of how the Autistic child would not sit down on a train journey recently, kept moving seats, would not sit still, had a few meltdowns and tried to get from one train carriage to the next. Who do you keep your eyes on, this one child or the other three?

Some mention was made about providing a safety chair and I got great pleasure in explaining to my social worker friend that the social worker department were reprimanded for refusing to fill in a section of a DLA form for the child. Let us not forget that the mother should be getting PIP too and one other child is said to be Autistic, though this one thankfully does not look to be anywhere near as bad just yet. Except it is supposed to get worse as they get older.

We should also not forget that a paediatrician was supposed to see the child in January 2018 and despite it being March tomorrow still has not seen the child at the school. You do not need to see the child at a fucking school to see what is clearly in front of you.

I should not be surprised by anything within the public services any longer. I mean you have this big issues slowly leaking out about sexual harassment in politics and within the Labour Party of all parties?! Only heard by me this morning I shook my head in disbelief at some of the things I was hearing had happened. That is some of the descriptions read out of the victim's accounts.

How in the world is all this sexual harassment going on everywhere?! They have been leading us to believe that for years everyone in almost every industry are left-wing people?! Is that all a charade to hide behind and divert attention way from them while they get up to despicable crimes?

I have long stated that I suspect everyone because so many I have caught getting up to no good and in the beginning, five years ago or more, I am sure many thought I was mad. Many people I know thought I was mad and mistaken so I started recording everything.

Fast forward to today and I am sure everyone can agree that it appears at present that there is not an industry that has not been exposed in the news for getting up to no good? I can assure you they are not reporting on everything and nor are the reporting on their worst stories, cases and examples. In fact it reinforces my questioning of how amoral the UK has become as a nation because every industry seems to have bad people running through the centre of it like the proverbial diseases?! I would then refer back to the years of having politically correct stuff thrown in our faces, either telling us how we should be or celebrities and TV and movie stars telling us this is how they are, once again seemingly a force of control ..

So how in the hell have we got to this stage? How in the hell is it that seemingly every five minutes something or someone gets exposed as doing some very questionable to evil things?

Hearing someone describing how someone within the Labour Party tried to force themselves onto someone else sexually I shake my head and ask myself all this over and over again.

I also have to wonder what has gone on in other parties and if this is going in within Labour then God only knows what is going in with the Conservative Party?!

The Guardian is reporting that a dossier on the sexual harassment has been sent to Jeremy Corbyn and it will be interesting to what what comes out of all that. Huh, I used to call this blog 'The Dossier of UK Corruption' but changed it as I thought it sounded boring.

So Ofsted have now entered the fray?

Well .. let us see if things get done or it just drags on week after week after week?

Everything is always dragging on for months and months and I simply cannot believe at times the predicament I currently find myself in as well as that of my daughter and grandchildren.

At the exact same time some really evil individuals are allowed to run around getting up to the same old evil lies and tricks because in twenty years they never got found out, exposed or punished.

What the fuck did you think was going to happen when you provide someone with something to hide behind?! Of course they were always going to get up to more things that would get increasingly worse.

I call this the Jimmy Savile Effect and it has been used by a great many people and organisations to hide some ever more evil and heinous crimes.

Maybe they will create a few more names they say will be tasked to do things when all others fail just to keep us happy and allow ourselves to become preoccupied and take our eyes off the ball? Or maybe it is our deep down excuse to continue being amoral?!

Or maybe it will turn out in the next couple of months that Ofsted are just as bad as everyone else?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/feb/28/dossier-on-sexual-misconduct-in-labour-party-sent-to-corbyn

FAILING JUSTICE

Failing to disclose evidence on a daily or weekly basis is a claim made by criminal lawyers.

What this means is that there is something to hide for starters. Secondly there are court cases that should never have give to court, costing the taxpayer so much money is ridiculous. Lastly some miscarriages of justice have likely gone on?

My word can the public services get any worse than they current are right now?

Some legacy the Tories and New Labour are leaving behind?!

Lied about weapons of mass destruction.

Corrupted the NHS to lie to and about patients to save money and help the DWP and Local Councils save money too.

DWP lied to and ripped off, basically mugged, disabled people and the unemployed after claiming to reform the welfare state.

Local Councils putting Council Tax up constantly, making is sort out there rubbish so they can sell it, not housing homeless because stopped building social housing. Closing down libraries. Unreasonable parking and car fines.

Police lying to public, not doing their jobs, not checking out even asking for evidence. Not collecting evidence even in murder case. Now not disclosing evidence. Taking cases to court that should never be, miscarriages of justice and costing the taxpayer millions?!

In a recent case I was involved in they failed to find illegal goods in Walton Prison. Claimed in the news media they had stopped smuggling of goods into prison which was a lie. Failed to find a phone in a prison cell despite hearing the inmate use the fucking thing. Told us he works get ten years then be deported .. he got 21 months.

With all that what mistakes or lack of action do you think all the Ombudsman get up to four your tax dollars?!

Also what was the Criminal Prosecutions Service role in all this? Were they part and parcel to the failures?!

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Evidence not being disclosed on a daily basis, lawyers say in survey - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43174235

DAMNED IF YOU DO

I am .. annoyed with myself.

I have been drawn into an argument that became loud and heated by someone that thinks everything bad in their life, and their past, trumps everyone else. Even those with cancer, to which they have now done this twice to two separate people. One dead and one not.

For thirty years we have heard that they have health conditions and could die any day. In recent years I have lost a number of people to death and so have they but it still makes no difference.

Despite being told by a friend that he thinks I have been amazing to go four weeks without them starting an argument or me being drawn into one, I am still annoyed with myself.

Fortunately there is someone missing from this equation today .. as of this morning away for two days but .. if they hear what has happened .. I am going to get it in the neck, despite notbeing the perpetrator.

But then the perpetrator loves to twist the truth .. they are someone that not only like to play the victim card but likes to sit there cutting out all the victim cards ready for them to use upon getting the slightest excuse. Well .. excuses are not really needed nor have been used for many years.

You see if you try to talk about any subject and within ten minutes the subject gets changed. If you try to state there is no relevance to the subject matter they claim that there is and need to talk, because it is 'important' when it is not, for the next two hours. There never will be nor never is anything of relevance. It switches to politics and leftist attitudes are brought in and then about their .. health condition. Then it moves onto how their kids do not give a crap about them .. despite the fact we all suffer from anxiety and that they are the most stressful person in the world to be around. My friends fear being around them for more than a few minutes. Hence why I was told I have been amazing to last this long.

At the end when they are losing or lost the argument facts then get tossed out the window and divide and conquer techniques that should stay in the school playground, come into it. “You DON'T KNOW what the others say about you!” is one common line. Yeah .. that is fucking relevant! The other is and I had today “you have done nothing but talk about your health conditions since you got here!” I knew that one would come so I said “Oh, do I?! So how many chest episodes and blackouts have I had since I got here?!” They then walked out the room and upstairs.

After hearing about how none of us give a shit about them because they cannot go on about their epilepsy, which is mild and I have never witnessed an episode and no grand mal, for a few hours I said “My daughter has fucking cancer that will kill her and I have to listen about this?!”

A friend of mine recently stated, upon hearing of a few things she said and a few other things I have heard her say, that they need to speak to a professional. I said “I have been telling you that for fucking years!”

To be fair .. I knew that the situation could get like this when I came here .. but not this bad and not every single fucking day. After a whiff of this heading in that direction I had no choice but to cut the conversation short and retreat to a room 6ft by 9ft. Does not leave a lot of space with some essentials in there, let me tell you. Hence I was praised for going this long by one .. while two siblings out of four will blame me when they find out this has occurred.

The hilarious thing is that the very first thing that I stated in that hour or two conversation is that I need to go and see a Doctor. This person never got to hear why it is that I need to see one .. that is how much it is me that does all the talking. But I listened to stories and whinging that I have heard a dozen times since I got here. Hence why I have had to walk out of the room several times while they was in mid sentence. There were plenty of other times I simply left the room before it even had a chance to head in its unavoidable direction. That was purely being tactical. As my siblings all say that spending too much time, normally anywhere between five and ten minutes, will result in it ending this way and that is without fail.

But I have had to stay here and for longer than I had planned too. Oddly enough this amount of time is down to one of the two that will complain to me. In fact of they do I will point out that had they not taken so long to advertise my car, around three weeks, I would have sold it and already be gone and therefore this argument would not have occurred at all.

It simply is not normal anyway and like someone said to me in a strange tone as to get across how much worse things are than even they realised “Oooh nooo, Martin. They really need to speak to a professional!” by which he meant a psychiatrist. I said that I had been saying this for years .. but as I also stated .. they would be convenient with the truth, make themselves look like the victim and do that to get attention, ammunition to use against us in the hope that they would change us. SO we all sit around as a family while they harp on about the past for four hours solid. Not a single one of us can handle this but then as I have found out through others .. they would not put up with it for a single moment and none understand how we have done it for all these years.

It is an absolutely crazy situation that I have liked to blame on the NHS for the last fifteen years or so but .. like I said I do not know, at the end of the day, if the blame is warranted or can be attributed because .. I tend to feel like they LOVE being like this and doing this. Even one sibling mentioned the “victim card” which is a phrase I am familiar with but never thought I would hear anyone in my family use to describe this person?!

Oh and why do I need to go to see a Doctor? Because I have these really bad leg pains as a result of a vitamin deficiency that for the lest few years have been controlled by vitamin pills. Well for the last three days they appear to be refusing to work and I have leg pains that have become worse over those three days.

I had already started to rub my legs in the evenings the last couple days .. this morning I was rubbing my legs like crazy .. rubbing them while making a cup of tea, prior to said incident, and have been while typing this out.

After this I need to Google this to see what is going on, as it is Saturday and I am worried this will now get worse. Though I have just remembered though I already took one vitamin pill this was singly and I need to take my usual pills that has another and different vitamin pill in. In other words I would have taken two, vitamin overdoses not withstanding, to see if that stops the pain?

But I came back here nevertheless.

This would go some way to explaining how bad things got where I was?

I had previously told people I would rather die than ever have to live here again and I never foresee it ever happening .. up until about five weeks ago, that is.

So it is down to the sale of my car .. which was forced out of my hands by the one that started to argument. Left to someone else that took three weeks to advertise it, already had the pics before coming back here, who will blame me for this. Remembering I am the only one in my family with a registered disability?! Homeless temporarily for the sixth time.

Then there is the PIP fiasco and the DWP and Job Centre lying and taking money away, from my disability to that of starting my own business. Would never have been forced to come back here at all of it were not for that.

Solicitor trying to get my PIP back? Taken well over a year and I would not have come back here at all had this been sorted out much earlier!

What else? Oh of course the public services refusing point blank to do anything at all for a single mother of four children, two testes as Autistic, who herself has cancer?!

This is not forgetting the absolute balls-ups the Police have created while all this was going on .. plus previous balls-ups.

As I walk into my room I see a message from my daughter, ooh have I not mentioned her? It is a photo of a bill that HMRC sent her as they have done thousands upon thousand, if not tens of thousands upon tens of thousands, of others.

The letter states that despite receiving the exact same money for many many years, as it has done with all the other single mothers that received this fuck-up of a letter, that one year was an overpayment and they want the money back?! That is over £5,000 and do you recall about me stating that the 'bean-counters' cannot count?

Four children, being paid £25 of their £100 per week rent. Capped for various reasons, no council tax benefit and no fucking help moving house and now has to pay £5,300?!

If anyone cannot work out that there is much more going out than coming in without the need for a calculator then they are a fucking idiot!

My daughter said to me “How can the Tories be doing stuff like trying to use a court to take away the human rights of disabled people and the British public still sit on their arses?” I told her I do not know but that I have the same problem with my blog. Everyone is either very naïve, highly amoral or that this country is largely made up of a mixture of those two. “But they would not get away with it in France?” is often a response I get to explaining that to anyone.

So I am manded if I do and damned if I don't in my current situation ..

If I say anything at all and get to finish it is all too much for someone, stress wise despite the anxiety thing being an issue for the four they complain about.

If I try to say anything I am often cut-off to a tirade of whining about very old stuff reminisced about because no one else's problems are as big or as serious as theirs.

If I say nothing, or indeed if we say nothing, we are all bastards because we do not tell them anything! Despite me telling her for fucking years that she does not give us the chance 99% of the time so we gave up trying a long time ago. Not one of us but FIVE of us and the penny still does not drop! Or they do not care because it is just something else to complain about?

Now with the homelessness, the cancer, the chest episodes, the other threat of homelessness that involves four children and the one with cancer, the pain being experienced by me, the blackouts, the pain of my daughter and many other things besides you would think that .. well they might put aside whinging about us or me for a few months?!

Not a fucking cat's chance in hell.

Yeah .. they need to speak to someone professional!

But then again.

Funny speaking about naivety as how many people thought Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Starbucks and Apple, among others, were wonderful companies? How many thought they had left leaning ideas and politics only for it to come out that there is no truth in this?

Maybe it requires another year?

THE WAR OVER WARBOYS

Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Apart from someone called Victoria .. someone who appeared from nowhere and if never heard of .. this legal action against the Metropolitan Police went under my radar.

Admittedly my 'radar' is not very good at times due to situations and circumstances. I have one bad situation I'm not taking about a great deal. I also have a while at of circumstances I'm also not talking about at all. Sorry.

Those that have been coming here awhile might now be thinking 'ooooh?' and .. well .. yeah.

I've always stated that with me and this blog is not always the things that I am stating you need to be taking notice and/or be wary of but often the things I am not.

If I suddenly stop talking about a situation then you can pretty much bet that there have been some radical developments. You can also take it that things are very, very different to how they were when I last mentioned them.

Trust me when I say that there are bloody good reasons, of love to divulge many things .. must be running into the dozens now, but simply cannot.

I do not like giving my enemies a heads-up to an attack and my enemies are not all known and can arise from the strangest of places. I think. Well .. I do not know to be honest and I tend to just think of them as a single entity when there is, in reality, a fair number of them. All bad people and organisations, of that you can be assured. All guilty of one or more crimes against the people and probably humanity on occasion?

This report is about the case of the black cab, I did not even realise he was a black cab driver and therefore in London, driver John Warboys.

The Police have been found guilty of treating rape victims like absolute shit.

Seems to be systemic, does it not?

Around the country the Police have been found to be doing this, even the odd GP too like one in Liverpool a few years back I covered on here.

It ain't over 'til it's over.

It ain't over.

This war between the rape victims and the Police was concluded in the Supreme Court of all places.

Funny as I've been complaining of the lack of use of the higher echolons of the British Legal system being used for the rich and not for the benefit of all for someone now. Now we finally get this? Taken long enough.

So finally, or maybe it has happened previously, the court and no less than the Supreme Court in this instance uses the word 'inhumane' to describe a public service. Well it is a start .. now we only need this stated about one or preferably more local councils and the NHS. IN typing that last sentence I have realised this was probably said about disability assessments which the DWP got lucky with as its not directly, but is indirectly, linked to them.

So out of the big four I have been publishing about, NHS, DWP, Local Councils and Police, we have two of the four had the word .. or insinuated that they have been found to be inhumane and .. that strongly suggests corrupt.

The both hilarious and disturbing part about all this is that they make you pay to run them so that they can do this to you?! 'Pay taxes for us so that we can treat you like garbage'.

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: John Worboys case: Met Police loses 'landmark' appeal - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-43140827

THE CLUE OF PANKHURST'S DUTCH GRAPE

This one is something I am placing here for future reference and I just pray that I remember to refer back to this.

Well .. I do have short term memory problems from my Fibromyalgia that causes me all sorts of problems.

Something is going to come out in the news media in various formats and it's something I've predicted. Predicted for a fair old while on here.

Now I'm not sure if the exact times and dates and nor do I know how it will come out. At least not right now at any rate.

When it does I will be linking it to this blog each time something is revealed.

But .. it might not have the right .. element of this news piece revealed to link back to this blog until later. So even though I start linking to the story and speaking about it, it might not be immediately apparent.

Though I might just give a brief reference back to this blog though the headline might still remain a mystery.

It is a bit like a post from a year or so ago I called 'The Canary' which I later revealed to be the nickname I gave someone who was Canadian and called Mary. Canadian Mary .. Canary. It's kinda something like that.

There are particular parties that I don't want aware of things while at the same time wanting to prove something to my readers. So I use clues and am confident that this clue won't be worked out, even if it is read by said party. Yeah .. I'm confident.

It won't be a long wait but I can assure you that it feels like an eternity. This is because of various factors not least being excitement. Others being various situations. Several situations and that's a little bit of an understatement.

Hmm .. wondering if I'm remembering a name wrong in the title?

Nope, nope not wrong, just double checked.

It's funny too because there is a kind of hidden extra meaning to this title that will seem bloody well humorous to some, many and maybe even all that read it? This hidden meaning will reveal itself to show how leanings in particular directions of political beliefs or views can go way too far and abused. It will also show how this leaning has been going on for a long, long time too.

With any luck .. this may all force the beginnings of change? I'm not naive. Many are. There will be those that expect things to change overnight. It not only won't but it can't. Not for everyone. Yes things take too long that's true but nothing can be done overnight. Especially when there is just soo much that needs to be changed.

Places like The Curry Road will suffer as well as those that have been abusing the system for so very long. Well at least that's the hope.

The other hope is that this gives hope to many that have been suffering.

It's always been a plan of mine to give hope to those that deserve it and I believe I've done that from time to time. I know I have. I just don't know how many numbers make up the figures of those I've given hope to? But the numbers I should bring hope to in the next six months alone should be in the five figure category at least and maybe in the six or perhaps in the seven figure category?

I might have to 'take a break' after that and go on my first holiday and twenty years?

Go to Scotland with my camera and take in the panoramic views?

It will all be a political thing.

It will all be a gender thing.

It will be a whole range of other things that will reflect badly in a whole list of people. Well .. groups .. and organisations .. a whole bevy of them and it will be easier to point out whose not been shot down in a fiery ball of flames.

There are some people I'd like to tell but I can't.

There are some people I'd like to talk to about all this but .. I can't. This will become clearer when it happens as I'll explain all that. This ranges from either over the top negativity using accusations of lying from people that have also lied. Twice and about to members of my family. Others just switch over .. talk over you after they have asked you what's been going on and talking about their own situation, which might seem laughable when it all comes out. I then don't get to explain even half of it. The hilarious thing about this is I get told a couple of things .. 'No one tells me anything', 'Too much going on for me to remember'. Also they remember things back to front because they simply were not listening and I either get the 'too much is going on' line or its insisted that, that was what I told them. Sometimes it's impossible for what they claim I said to have taken place. Umm .. it's hard to describe, lol.

There are a whole bunch of organisations of like to divulge this to that can help others but I can't do that either.

I can't risk what's about to take place from becoming public knowledge, even though it's more or less imminent.

Like I said to someone yesterday ..

"Yeah it's all well and good that a signature was given and this said but .. I'll believe it when I actually starts. Yes it's at an advanced stage that I've never even gotten close to before but so many times things have fallen on its face then headed south for the winter that you get a little anxious for everything to kick off".

Yeah it's a whole big shocking news story that nails my blog and everything I've ever said to the wall for all to see. Everything I've ever said, more or less. I'm assuming there might be things that it doesn't nail to the proverbial wall but .. I am not sure .. which means most of it at the very least.

Not heard anything back from putting my neck out into a world I had long since left. A surprise and a shame but there is time .. I guess?

THAT DAMNING FLU

Well not wanting to be outdone by those in Australia and New Zealand we had the Japanese and now the French Flues.

It is somewhat bonkers at this point.

Boots has run out of flu jabs, or jobs as stated on the webpage below. Umm that might just be Boots in Gloucestershire? As the webpage seems to be for that area.

I spoke to more people that I both do and do not know today and all have had this flu. I have yet to meet someone that has not had it since I have been back and there are some horror stories.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it is doing to some people?

I have been struck with another symptom of the dreaded bug I had thought was done with me. Still does not want to do the one thing I want it to though.

However there is one thing that it does and it is something to watch out for. Sometimes you can get into a coughing fit where you cannot breath in because you keep on coughing. Watch out for that and it might be something that causes people to lose consciousness by not being able to breath in. It may be even worse than that?

I may have a problem as I have been told a different story to ending one of my problems than that told by others. So I need to check that but as it is Sunday tomorrow and I want this done really by Monday or Tuesday at the latest I have a little time.

In the meantime I am wondering how bad things are in London and the surrounding areas .. or home counties?

Oddly it is not the greatest time of the year for the things I enjoy doing and I have this terrible habit of thinking I am wasting m time and the tools I have. But then I tell myself that I do have a couple of months grace before I can start worrying about that and in that time anything can happen?

Though after four weeks I may well be back to suffering again .. I am kind of suffering but in different ways and I want things to happen quickly and they are .. not. Oddly some public services are going to inevitable state that they want things to happen quickly when it will not because of other public services!

This is the second time in less than a year that I have found myself being moaned at by one public service because of the time taken by another public service. Dumb and dumber.

Once again showing that they think themselves above the law and that there are indeed at least two sets of laws.

Like the fact that private landlords can be fined for renting to illegal immigrants while councils are perfectly free to do that without repercussions.

Wrong. Just wrong.

http://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/whats-on/shopping/boots-stores-run-out-flu-1061292

THANK YOU SENDING ME THIS FIT LOOKING GENTLEMAN

That is the line that was actually included in a letter from an Orthapaedic Surgeon to my GP at the time.

I had realised it as odd and later realised it was code .. fob him off because he looks fit.

I was also later lied to .. had a row face to face .. he tried to trick me by calling my bluff which unluckily for him was a double-bluff.

BUSTED!

That was the first time I had them lying to my face. Several more quickly followed and the recordings started either just after this or just before it.

If you look fit you will get fucked off unless its something that either will appear obviously quickly, a household name or kill you quickly.

Unfortunately for them the condition they lied about I later self-diagnosed and then later discovered they had known about it for at least two years.

Also unfortunately for them the serious sides to it that they either gambled on not appearing, high blood pressure, postural hypotension causing grey-outs and black-outs, effect on your heart and chest as well as eyes and other things that can be picked up on .. failed.

I have all the above and that does not even include the fact that the bit that everyone seems to have ignored is the research and reports to state that Fibromyalgia has strong links to suicides and cancer which I already linked to in a previous post.

When People Think Your Illness Isn't Real Because You Don't Look 'Sick Enough

This is the infamous line I have heard for fucking years, 13 to be exact, from friends and family because the NHS fucking misdiagnosed over and over again and then lied.

Now the DWP pull the shit on you too because they know most of the public are stupid idiots that think like this.

I always put the word 'failure' or 'failures' in the tags or labels but this annoys me, because they are nothing of the kind.

Not just to me too and someone close to me has three cancer scares and waiting four months fpr two children to be listed as seriously Autistic.

No fucking help which is why I spent a lot of my inheritance and started up two crowd funding campaigns, dont even ask, with GoFundMe and JustGiving and a Patreon account for me!

https://themighty.com/2017/09/lyme-disease-invisible-not-looking-sick/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=ChronicIllness_Page

THE EVER RETURNING

My mornings are .. a living nightmare.

Every single morning I wake up with some pretty intense anxiety. I have been given pills to deal with this which are diazepam and they do tend to work .. a little over half of the time.

There are so many things I am now worried about that just has this damned anxiety .. run riot. It does occur at other times of the day on occasion. But I am so busy during the day that I do not think it gets much of a chance to set in?

This is because I am either watching children, as I am right now and two this time, or taking people somewhere.

Because of all this I also forget to do things, which I used to do even living on my own. This .. memory loss also causes my anxiety to flare up.

This is very likely because there is so much responsibility on everyone's shoulders these days and with that and just as another excuse to get more money so many punishments and fines. You would think that the anxiety would remind you but that is not always the case.

I spend most of my time .. away from my things. All my usual things as well as important things and the things I sometimes need to do .. important things.

Sudden changes in routine, things needing to be done and local schools, or at least one, that sends you a letter home with less than 24 hours notice to requiring something. I believe that school is either run by idiots or the authorities are all idiots for not forcing the school or schools on the Wirral to give more notice to parents. Most hilarious is when it is something that requires spending money when many families here are struggling and then some.

But I digress.

The anxiety I have is .. terrible.

I think I have explained before that at one point it was so bad it caused something they call Fibromyalgia Rubber Legs where the signals from the brain to the legs literally start to shut down.

When this occurs it starts of like an odd feeling .. when it happened about a year back I noticed my legs slowed down. I was in a seated position and already in the throws of anxiety and my knees were swinging in and out due to the anxiety. Then I noticed they slowed down and eventually were moving at a snail's pace. This was odd because .. well it felt in my head, if that makes sense, that they were still working the same speed that they had been. I literally thought for a moment I was losing my mind. Well I was .. kinda.

I turned to the friend who I had been visiting and said “My legs .. are not working properly!” and he gave me a strange look. Yeah .. it must have sounded very weird. I stood up and I felt wobbly. The weird thing was that my friend was a Type 1 diabetic, well whatever number the bad one is, and I felt like he sometimes looked when his sugar was low. I was swaying a little.

Back then I did not go anywhere without a walking stick and I was panicking a little about what was happening to me. I told my friend I needed to go home and turned down the offer of a lift in his car. I thought that trying to walk might ease whatever it was that was now happening to me? But .. no.

God knows what I looked like to others and I was self-conscious about this, only because I know the look that diabetics get when their sugar is low. People naturally assume they are drunk.

People naturally assume a lot of things .. and get it wrong.

I phoned '111', I never ring '999', and explained the symptoms to them and they sent someone round and they could not find the problem and later I got a call from my GP of the time, who booked me in for the next morning. In the evening things calmed down but I decided to go and have a look online and after some searching I found the Fibromyalgia Rubber Legs thing.

I told the Doctor the next morning, who had no idea himself what was going on, and it was yet another time I discovered the answer before a professional did.

Now at the time I had told both people I saw and my friend that I had never experienced this before but later realised I was wrong on that one.

It had indeed occurred once before a very, very long time ago and it moved my onset of Fibromyalgia to many years earlier than I had even started asking about it. The year was roughly 1991 and it was kinda caused over a bout of anxiety over a woman. Oddly and despite living 250 miles away from the place where it occurred in Hertford, East Herts, the woman in question now only lives a few miles away. I never told her and we broke up over twenty years ago now.

So my Fibromyalgia definitely goes back to 1991 .. and I had been asking about it after it started to affect my feet, which was around 2001. I self-diagnosed this condition of Fibromyalgia around 2013 .. then after some resistance and lies had it confirmed at Guy's Hospital around 2013-14. Well I was posting on here when I discovered it so it can be checked.

Oddly enough it was a little later on by about a year or two after the first Rubber Legs event that the first symptoms started to occur. Tiredness and even the first feelings of being depressed and I remember being prescribed Prothiaden.

The Doctors I saw would have been more than a dozen over the years even for just the General Practitioner's alone. I was under GP Surgeries in three separate location just in Walthamstow alone and the Forest Road Medical Centre I probably saw close to ten GP's. I distinctly recall three separate black GP's at this same practice, an Arab GP, another two east Asian .. at least two women GP's one Indian and one .. Portuguese. There may well be others I have forgotten over the years? That is eight under one practice just to give an example.

I have had five GP practices just in Enfield, my last one had three GP's .. the one before that had two, a father and son, and the one before that I saw .. three I think? Before that it was a single GP practice. Before that one was a large multi GP practice and this one I saw .. four I think, though might have been more?

That is at least twenty one separate General Practitioner's over twenty years and this does not include locums, hospital Doctors or Specialists.

Chase Farm Hospital I saw .. several. At Barnet I saw two .. in one appointment .. I know I have been there two other times but I cannot recall what for. North Middlesex Hospital I have seen at least three. Whipps Cross Hospital I probably see the most Doctors and specialists as I lived there on and off from around 1986 until 2007. Saw a Rheumatologist there, my first for my feet around 2003 .. ish? I dunno but the letter from that is on here .. somewhere. Two endoscopies that were years apart both at Whipps Cross Hospital the diagnosis of each look to be wrong, by a GP's own suspicion and comments about it around 2011 to 2012. Might have been a little earlier?

So you see it runs into the dozens .. even regarding my back I had several people.

The funny thing was I wanted all of the symptoms dealt with at once as it seemed obvious to me ll along that they must all be caused by the exact same thing? But this was NOT the attitude of Doctors and the NHS at the time or indeed .. now. I was also told a couple of times it was not possible that these symptoms could be caused by the same thing.

Wrong answers, wrong diagnosis and lies, the latter being discovered much later, was all I got from the NHS for over twenty years. An attitude that was to leave me open to attack fro others, refused help and support from others and actually aggravate my condition. Causing ever more frequent and intense pain, ever more frequent and intense anxiety and now to the point my blood pressure is though the roof, I have had hundreds of grey-outs and worse and now complications with my chest and heart.

So after all that the government, with successive ones causing my condition to worsen, now want to stand behind me with the proverbial whip to get me to work. Well if is the right work and I get help doing it and left with more money to be able to run the car I need to work .. great. But they are not and have even taken money away from me, living component at the present time but want me to work. Yeah .. maths, dear people .. MATHS!

I have carried that and many other things on my shoulders for years.

I have been in some dark places and am even in one right now .. which may turn out to be the worst one of all, now down to the same attitude only with someone else as well as me!

Only this person does things I would not only find impossible but doe to the absolute sheer incompetence in failing to spot my illnesses but other potentially fatal ones I may have to do it. But I have no idea how I will do it!

When I started this blog I explained the attitudes and the issues I had and I told everyone what these were and what was wrong. I also made a bunch of predictions too and among these is that people would die.

I predicted that cutting the mental health sufferers off would even cause a rise in deaths.

I predicted that the NHS would cause a rise in deaths.

I should have predicted that the Police's attitude would cause a rise in deaths and maybe I even did?

I predicted that the DWP would cause a rise in deaths.

I predicted that the Local Councils would cause a rise in deaths.

It is bloody annoying that I did not realise it before but this particular change in numbers due to deaths is even capitalised on by the government to make their numbers and their record look good! Now you cannot get more evil than that now, can you?

Take the numbers of people that have died and make those numbers look to the public as if they are doing a good job?! Your bonkers if you think they do not know they are doing it and fecking amoral if you have no problem with that.

Many of my predictions have come true and with every day, week and month that passes more are reported on all the time. Most not in the mainstream media mind you. But that is another story I have covered over and over again.

So it was with both sadness and anger that I heard about a young woman called Averil Hart. A young lady who died of a heart attack who was anorexic. She was failed by the NHS and this time in Norfolk I the east of England.

According to the news media the PHSO, or Parliamentary Health Services Ombudsman, stated that she was 'failed by every NHS body'.

Wow! Just .. fucking .. WOW! The PHSO actually do something .. too late just like everyone else.

My advice to the poor girl's family is beware of the PHSO as like all ombudsman they are there for damage limitation, despite us paying for them too!

I know this to be true because after I got recordings of Doctors and Specialists lying and falsifying test results I went through the bullshit procedures only there as a time-wasting exercise and they took up my complaint. I got letters and compliment slips along with a couple of emails off them for almost two years. One day it occurred to me that they had been quiet for several months so I contacted them. This is how it went ..

• PHSO: Who are you we have no record of your complaint
• ME: What?! But you have been contacting me for nearly two years about this!
• PHSO: No, we have no record of you, we checked again (no RECORD do not forget)
• ME: Well I have records of someone from you contacting me (gave them his name I think was Jonathan White)
• PHSO: We have no record of a Jonathan White ever working for the PHSO
• ME: Well that's funny .. if your going to intend to lie to members of the public do not put your staff member's name in your email address
• PHSO: (silence and never hear from again)

So yeah .. do not trust them. But then I have learnt that you cannot trust anyone.

Also on searching for the BBC report of this shocking story I discovered something else I have been predicting for a long time too.

The first sign that other nations are started to notice things about the UK? I have a link from a website in India. I must admit that this is not something that I have really researched to see who is saying what about the UK.

Meanwhile I am under this stupid system where I need to remember to call my GP Surgery at 8am for an appointment to avoid being forced to wait two weeks. Did that for my first appointment despite it being potentially serious and still is.

Two adults with disabilities responsible for four children, two with autism, and there are times when we just do not want to wake up in the mornings .. I mean EVER wake up.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-42267778

I also said that eventually the bad news will spread to other nations who will start to look at the UK and ask awkward questions.

I wonder how many have possibly paid for advice from UK organisations that have claimed for years they are something they are not?

http://theasiatimes.in/anorexic-student-averil-hart-failed-by-every-nhs-body/

WHEN HELL COMES TO TOWN

After feeling the strain of everything the young mum I have been focusing on went out to see an old friend last night.

I stayed at the house with the four children which is one of the many reasons I came .. because there is no one else and she would have been under much more strain than she already is. Already an unimaginable amount.

When she returned a little earlier than I expected .. she said a couple of thing I did not expect and had been dropped off my her mother, who I see waving and I waved back as I closed the door.

Her to revelations came in the exact same line.

“I told my mum .. I just want to die and it is all your fault!”

I sat open mouthed and simply stared at her for a few moments .. well time just seem to dissolve into the background and it was most likely extended over several minutes.

“What?”

She went into more detail .. what has been done to her, lied to about the very cancer she is now becoming more convinced she has, while I pray otherwise. Having been subjected from abuse by a number of men before she had even turned sixteen and as a result is now the mother of four at a little under 25. Ages 10, 5, 3 and 2 .. do the math.

Let us just say that I was working on this long before the Rotherham thing hit the news with a few other darker sides to those involved with .. dastardly plans.

That was not even the first time.

I sat wide eyed as she explained how she had said all this to her mother. Then there was her mother stealing her children. Then there was all the fake cancer scares she had .. we joke that it is around a dozen that she has meant to have. She had recently admitted that she lied about them and only seem to give a .. bad excuse for the very first one. That I would come up to Birkenhead and stay with her?!

Oddly and as mad is it sounds what with everything she had previously done I find myself wondering and feeling a little guilty that I had not. Though I tried to find my daughter when she was 13 and was thwarted by a web of conspiracy, lies and a really bad solicitors practice called Reed, Sternberg, Taylor Gill or .. something like that in Barking, I failed. But I still feel a sense of guilt.

I tried to encourage my daughter to come and live in London with all the kids. She said that she would a few times but never did. Yeah it is hard to live somewhere where everyone speaks differently and have different ways of life and attitudes. To those of us from the south we feel like we will get treated roughly, even persecuted as you hear the stories over the years. But going the other way is not as bad. But you never know that unless you have the courage to do it.

Those that have been reading these posts for a long time might have been asking themselves how it is I claim that I am the only one when there is a mother nearby?

Well I can tell you something this mother does not know .. if the social services EVER found out that any of the children had been left with the mother it would count as a very black mark towards the mother of the children. It would also put them in danger. Because she does odd things that .. no one can explain and most women baulk at or become enraged when they hear.

Yeah it really is bad and you might think this is so bad that it involved the death of a child? Well .. that came close several times with each of them. One nearly kidnapped at least twice, one not being watched and hit by a car.

The oldest son hates his mother, I am told. In fact when the cancer scare came about the mother recalled that she was supposed to have three injections for HPV and that her mother only took her for the first one and did not bother with the others. On discovering this her oldest son shouted “Why didn't you take her for all three injections?!” to which she answered “Oh be quiet, things are bad enough as it is!” Umm .. yeah!

I told her that half of that line I had been expecting to happen for ten years. Ten years of finding out about the first horrors and then hearing about a whole series of others over the following ten years and then to be hit by the worst of all.

I do not even have the time to ask myself what it is I am going to do if the worst was to happen!

We ordered food but even while chatting about things and me trying to make her laugh things went .. awry.

AT the end of the meal she was suddenly in pain .. with a hard lump appearing in her stomach which s near an area where they discovered one of the three lumps.

Remember .. she is 24 with four children and no one other than her best friend, Laura. Laura, who has her own issues and bad life to deal with. In fact they were even in care together .. care that was .. bad and mostly responsible for the current woes.

I had expected a moment of realisation for years and I even said “DO you ever remember me telling you that one day you will wake up and ask yourself .. 'What the fuck just happened these last ten years?'” She nodded.

What I did not expect, though I had heard it from her when she was 13 to 14 several times when I was trying to get her to come down to London, was the 'I want to die' part.

That was the moment when time just seemed to slow down to a eventual halt.

I told her there was another reason I was here and that this was to try and help her find something .. for herself.

There is very little me time, a hell of a lot to do and .. under an immense amount of strain ..

• Abused by step-father
• Under age mother twice
• In and out of foster homes and care
• Held against her will by radicalised Muslims in a flat
• Domestic violence victim
• Four children at 22
• Two children autistic
• Discovers she has my disability
• Mother who encourage the second point
• Mother who stole two of the children with the local council's help
• Specific and not very nice female problems
• Domestic abuser phoning all night every night from prison
• Found three lumps that look suspicious
• First lump alone has had Doctors and Hospitals running around like headless chickens

That is just the quick but y no means full list.

It is what I have been carrying around for twenty years when I first told Liverpool High or Crown Court that if they do this, this young girl will have a life of hell.

Except it was far, far worse than I could ever have imagined.

The sad part about it is that the reason why I ca talk to her is that I have been in this position where you just hate waking up in the morning because you are reminded your still alive and all the shit is real.

Eventually you start to pray that you don't wake up.

I truly have lost count of the number of times I have been through that.

But because of the lies and corruption of the NHS I only found out that this was down to a condition I have called Fibromyalgia which screws with everything. As well as the pains, skin conditions and short term memory problems among others, it causes pretty bad anxiety that makes no sense, has a mind of its own and can make the simplest of things like your facing death itself.

I have said it is both annoying and makes no sense because I do not fear death .. pain, yes! But not death so .. how is it that these stupid things can set this off?!

The other annoying thing for me is the extreme anxiety you can wake up with .. often waking you up very, very early .. heart beating like a race horses and you often literally feel like you are going to have a coronary. Or heart attack.

This happened to me this morning and I explained this to the young mother that has been my focus for the last several months. I said I often used to wonder if I had, had a dream that had set it off but f the dream was so bad .. why am I not able to recall it?

I said that I think this damnable thing just plays up whenever it feels like it and that .. if you have any stress going on that is just how it is. Too much to do and too many things to think about and knowing you have the memory issues that, not can but, will screw things up does not help one little bit.

It is odd watching her do all the exact same things I do.

I wish I was able to do something about it all .. I would gladly take any cancers she had if I could.

Even if a member of my family, my cousin Julie Bannister, had not stole £35,000 I inheritance, did you not read that, I could make life somewhat easier but in the case of the big 'C'? Not so sure .. not even this first one of cervical cancer. Or is it Uterine cancer that is difficult? Cannot recall and too scared to look.

That £35,000 is off nine of us, just so you know. It was £350,000 that was stolen .. out of £750,000 plus!

I have often thought and talked about a GoFundMe page but that seems somewhat .. self-serving .. well presently.

Until we get the results back in a few days time .. and of course the other results it is difficult to know what to do.

But then there are still problems in the meantime. I told her that I tried to deal with my situations by using both cycling and photography to relax, switch off an get through it with the exercise perfect for lessening our symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

Unfortunately and with the governments approval for 14 weeks and over £20,000 of m own investment with very little left and being refused UC after being refused Working Tax Credits after becoming self-employed and previously having Incapacity Benefit and Personal Independent Payments being taken away?

Yeah this corrupt government put the fucking tin hat on that too .. something I was hoping that while here I would not only do, in the Peak District and Snowdonia and hopefully Scotland, I would involve the aforementioned mother to see if I could get her into it too?

Just a shame that I places where people are supposed to not only help but be understanding .. they then go and assume that a really bad situation is nothing of the kind, no three adults and four children are not going to be affected by this .. but .. they also do not stop to think about anything else so extreme that you are not divulging in that very public place.

There are these tiny moments when I picture the worst and I wonder if and how I will survive it and how I will cope with the children.

If you see what looks like a statue of a man mid-stride somewhere on the Wirral in the coming months made out of petrified wood? It will likely be me!

I am thinking of a title called 'The Good Samaritans' for a few weeks time, if I bloody remember the title idea that is.

I often wonder what it will have included in it?