After feeling the
strain of everything the young mum I have been focusing on went out
to see an old friend last night.
I stayed at the house
with the four children which is one of the many reasons I came ..
because there is no one else and she would have been under much more
strain than she already is. Already an unimaginable amount.
When she returned a
little earlier than I expected .. she said a couple of thing I did
not expect and had been dropped off my her mother, who I see waving
and I waved back as I closed the door.
Her to revelations came
in the exact same line.
“I told my mum .. I
just want to die and it is all your fault!”
I sat open mouthed and
simply stared at her for a few moments .. well time just seem to
dissolve into the background and it was most likely extended over
several minutes.
“What?”
She went into more
detail .. what has been done to her, lied to about the very cancer
she is now becoming more convinced she has, while I pray otherwise.
Having been subjected from abuse by a number of men before she had
even turned sixteen and as a result is now the mother of four at a
little under 25. Ages 10, 5, 3 and 2 .. do the math.
Let us just say that I
was working on this long before the Rotherham thing hit the news with
a few other darker sides to those involved with .. dastardly plans.
That was not even the
first time.
I sat wide eyed as she
explained how she had said all this to her mother. Then there was her
mother stealing her children. Then there was all the fake cancer
scares she had .. we joke that it is around a dozen that she has
meant to have. She had recently admitted that she lied about them and
only seem to give a .. bad excuse for the very first one. That I
would come up to Birkenhead and stay with her?!
Oddly and as mad is it
sounds what with everything she had previously done I find myself
wondering and feeling a little guilty that I had not. Though I tried
to find my daughter when she was 13 and was thwarted by a web of
conspiracy, lies and a really bad solicitors practice called Reed,
Sternberg, Taylor Gill or .. something like that in Barking, I failed.
But I still feel a sense of guilt.
I tried to encourage my
daughter to come and live in London with all the kids. She said that
she would a few times but never did. Yeah it is hard to live
somewhere where everyone speaks differently and have different ways
of life and attitudes. To those of us from the south we feel like we
will get treated roughly, even persecuted as you hear the stories
over the years. But going the other way is not as bad. But you never
know that unless you have the courage to do it.
Those that have been
reading these posts for a long time might have been asking themselves
how it is I claim that I am the only one when there is a mother
nearby?
Well I can tell you
something this mother does not know .. if the social services EVER
found out that any of the children had been left with the mother it
would count as a very black mark towards the mother of the children.
It would also put them in danger. Because she does odd things that ..
no one can explain and most women baulk at or become enraged when
they hear.
Yeah it really is bad
and you might think this is so bad that it involved the death of a
child? Well .. that came close several times with each of them. One
nearly kidnapped at least twice, one not being watched and hit by a
car.
The oldest son hates
his mother, I am told. In fact when the cancer scare came about the
mother recalled that she was supposed to have three injections for
HPV and that her mother only took her for the first one and did not
bother with the others. On discovering this her oldest son shouted
“Why didn't you take her for all three injections?!” to which she
answered “Oh be quiet, things are bad enough as it is!” Umm ..
yeah!
I told her that half of
that line I had been expecting to happen for ten years. Ten years of
finding out about the first horrors and then hearing about a whole
series of others over the following ten years and then to be hit by
the worst of all.
I do not even have the
time to ask myself what it is I am going to do if the worst was to
happen!
We ordered food but
even while chatting about things and me trying to make her laugh
things went .. awry.
AT the end of the meal
she was suddenly in pain .. with a hard lump appearing in her stomach
which s near an area where they discovered one of the three lumps.
Remember .. she is 24
with four children and no one other than her best friend, Laura.
Laura, who has her own issues and bad life to deal with. In fact they
were even in care together .. care that was .. bad and mostly
responsible for the current woes.
I had expected a moment
of realisation for years and I even said “DO you ever remember me
telling you that one day you will wake up and ask yourself .. 'What
the fuck just happened these last ten years?'” She nodded.
What I did not expect,
though I had heard it from her when she was 13 to 14 several times
when I was trying to get her to come down to London, was the 'I want
to die' part.
That was the moment
when time just seemed to slow down to a eventual halt.
I told her there was
another reason I was here and that this was to try and help her find
something .. for herself.
There is very little me
time, a hell of a lot to do and .. under an immense amount of strain
..
- Abused by step-father
- Under age mother twice
- In and out of foster homes and care
- Held against her will by radicalised Muslims in a flat
- Domestic violence victim
- Four children at 22
- Two children autistic
- Discovers she has my disability
- Mother who encourage the second point
- Mother who stole two of the children with the local council's help
- Specific and not very nice female problems
- Domestic abuser phoning all night every night from prison
- Found three lumps that look suspicious
- First lump alone has had Doctors and Hospitals running around like headless chickens
That is just the quick
but y no means full list.
It is what I have been
carrying around for twenty years when I first told Liverpool High or
Crown Court that if they do this, this young girl will have a life of
hell.
Except it was far, far
worse than I could ever have imagined.
The sad part about it
is that the reason why I ca talk to her is that I have been in this
position where you just hate waking up in the morning because you are
reminded your still alive and all the shit is real.
Eventually you start to
pray that you don't wake up.
I truly have lost count
of the number of times I have been through that.
But because of the lies
and corruption of the NHS I only found out that this was down to a
condition I have called Fibromyalgia which screws with everything. As
well as the pains, skin conditions and short term memory problems
among others, it causes pretty bad anxiety that makes no sense, has a
mind of its own and can make the simplest of things like your facing
death itself.
I have said it is both
annoying and makes no sense because I do not fear death .. pain, yes!
But not death so .. how is it that these stupid things can set this
off?!
The other annoying
thing for me is the extreme anxiety you can wake up with .. often
waking you up very, very early .. heart beating like a race horses
and you often literally feel like you are going to have a coronary.
Or heart attack.
This happened to me
this morning and I explained this to the young mother that has been
my focus for the last several months. I said I often used to wonder
if I had, had a dream that had set it off but f the dream was so bad
.. why am I not able to recall it?
I said that I think
this damnable thing just plays up whenever it feels like it and that
.. if you have any stress going on that is just how it is. Too much
to do and too many things to think about and knowing you have the
memory issues that, not can but, will screw things up does not help
one little bit.
It is odd watching her
do all the exact same things I do.
I wish I was able to do
something about it all .. I would gladly take any cancers she had if
I could.
Even if a member of my
family, my cousin Julie Bannister, had not stole £35,000 I
inheritance, did you not read that, I could make life somewhat easier
but in the case of the big 'C'? Not so sure .. not even this first
one of cervical cancer. Or is it Uterine cancer that is difficult?
Cannot recall and too scared to look.
That £35,000 is off nine of us, just so you know. It was £350,000 that was stolen .. out of £750,000 plus!
I have often thought
and talked about a GoFundMe page but that seems somewhat ..
self-serving .. well presently.
Until we get the
results back in a few days time .. and of course the other results it
is difficult to know what to do.
But then there are
still problems in the meantime. I told her that I tried to deal with
my situations by using both cycling and photography to relax, switch
off an get through it with the exercise perfect for lessening our
symptoms of Fibromyalgia.
Unfortunately and with
the governments approval for 14 weeks and over £20,000 of m own
investment with very little left and being refused UC after being
refused Working Tax Credits after becoming self-employed and
previously having Incapacity Benefit and Personal Independent
Payments being taken away?
Yeah this corrupt
government put the fucking tin hat on that too .. something I was
hoping that while here I would not only do, in the Peak District and
Snowdonia and hopefully Scotland, I would involve the aforementioned
mother to see if I could get her into it too?
Just a shame that I
places where people are supposed to not only help but be
understanding .. they then go and assume that a really bad situation
is nothing of the kind, no three adults and four children are not
going to be affected by this .. but .. they also do not stop to think
about anything else so extreme that you are not divulging in
that very public place.
There
are these tiny moments when I picture the worst and I wonder if and
how I will survive it and how I will cope with the children.
If
you see what looks like a statue of a man mid-stride somewhere on the
Wirral in the coming months made out of petrified wood? It will
likely be me!
I
am thinking of a title called 'The Good Samaritans' for a few weeks
time, if I bloody remember the title idea that is.
I
often wonder what it will have included in it?
