THAT DAMNING FLU

Well not wanting to be outdone by those in Australia and New Zealand we had the Japanese and now the French Flues.

It is somewhat bonkers at this point.

Boots has run out of flu jabs, or jobs as stated on the webpage below. Umm that might just be Boots in Gloucestershire? As the webpage seems to be for that area.

I spoke to more people that I both do and do not know today and all have had this flu. I have yet to meet someone that has not had it since I have been back and there are some horror stories.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it is doing to some people?

I have been struck with another symptom of the dreaded bug I had thought was done with me. Still does not want to do the one thing I want it to though.

However there is one thing that it does and it is something to watch out for. Sometimes you can get into a coughing fit where you cannot breath in because you keep on coughing. Watch out for that and it might be something that causes people to lose consciousness by not being able to breath in. It may be even worse than that?

I may have a problem as I have been told a different story to ending one of my problems than that told by others. So I need to check that but as it is Sunday tomorrow and I want this done really by Monday or Tuesday at the latest I have a little time.

In the meantime I am wondering how bad things are in London and the surrounding areas .. or home counties?

Oddly it is not the greatest time of the year for the things I enjoy doing and I have this terrible habit of thinking I am wasting m time and the tools I have. But then I tell myself that I do have a couple of months grace before I can start worrying about that and in that time anything can happen?

Though after four weeks I may well be back to suffering again .. I am kind of suffering but in different ways and I want things to happen quickly and they are .. not. Oddly some public services are going to inevitable state that they want things to happen quickly when it will not because of other public services!

This is the second time in less than a year that I have found myself being moaned at by one public service because of the time taken by another public service. Dumb and dumber.

Once again showing that they think themselves above the law and that there are indeed at least two sets of laws.

Like the fact that private landlords can be fined for renting to illegal immigrants while councils are perfectly free to do that without repercussions.

Wrong. Just wrong.

http://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/whats-on/shopping/boots-stores-run-out-flu-1061292

FAILING THE HUMAN SPIRIT

I knew some years ago that they were casting out people with mental health issues and was told as much by a Psychiatrist, Dr Cody in Enfield.

I knew at the time that they would slowly move on to other conditions and one by one kick them off of any help or support they received.

I believe that was when the deaths of people needing care, support and financial support started a steep increase. That was under Tony Blair and long before the financial crisis started. Meaning that either they knew the financial crisis was coming long before they claimed that they did in the news media or .. they started something not knowing that what was to come would just spiral out of control.

Since then we have had George Osborne state we are all in this together standing atop a mountain of a growing number of dead bodies.

We have had Iain Duncan-Smith widely known outside of the news media that he sees the working class as slaves quit his job as Work and Pensions Secretary.

We have now had Justine Greening refuse to take on that same job and then seemed to .. resign?

Still things have gotten worse and still the mountain of bodies grows ever higher.

It has gotten far worse than I could ever have imagined and the way that mental health is .. dealt with, I was going to say handled but it is not, is atrocious. It is non-existent in reality.

I found a webpage that states as much ..

Within the NHS there is sometimes too much of a reliance on using the same techniques for everyone - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting line in the link below is one I think about constantly ..

 There is also the issue of clinical distance. When I was at the point of suicide, I was emotionally detached from everyone around me. Either consciously or unconsciously, I disconnected from the people who cared about me in order to be able to end my life. - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting section of the page in The Telegraph is this one ..

Our clients report that they are often told by mental health professionals: “It’s your decision.” This is in respect of the decision to end their life. Indeed, I was told this in 2012. It helped to validate the decision, in my mind. Our clients say it makes them feel that clinicians simply don’t care whether they survive or not. - The Telegraph (see link below)

That is literally how it has felt each time I have been in a suicidal period .. which always seems to happen every few years and always caused by the public services that receive tax money to help and support people.

The DWP, the NHS and the Local Councils.

What I linked together a long time ago and have long since called 'The Evil Trinity'.

Many years ago I watched a trilogy of horror films called The Omen. In this story the son of Satan is born and placed among a powerful family with the intention that he will become the most powerful person on Earth, the President of the United States of America. As a child you try to imagine the horrors that this would bring to a country and/or the world.

I no longer need to do this because .. this is how it feels like now.

Here is another line from the link below that they think they are so right about but is a massive failure .. because it is not bloody possible or we would all be bloody well doing it!

What I wanted at that point was to be heard, and for someone to understand and empathise, not to be told to go and focus on something practical instead - The Telegraph (see link below)

'Oh go and do this you enjoy or go and do that you enjoy' is what I would hear each time. Yeah well you can't .. either because your not in that frame of mind or because it is simply not possible.

For me right now there is nothing I would love more than to get back to doing that I was doing prior to relocating far, far away and spending a lot of time money and effort, not forgetting pain and Aussie flu for four moths solid.

I cannot and the reasons that I cannot are the reasons why I am in the low mood that I am. Low mood, a period of confusion, a frequently failing memory and suicidal thoughts until I get some clear sign that there is a clear path.

Very often we do not need our problems immediately solved .. we simply need to know, see or be assured that there is a lot at the end of the tunnel.

I like to write this blog but I also like to live on my own, near nature just outside London and go about with my new camera and do some photography. Wildlife and nature along with landscapes (yeah London not ideal) and I would like to do architecture and some more artistic photography too.

I started to think that George Osborne or Iain Duncan-Smith were the anti-Christ like characters but it it is not, they are just minions to someone else hidden away.

And the news media is focused on equal pay for people being paid many tens of thousands of pounds, hundreds of thousands of pounds and even millions of pounds. Mostly in media of course!

Oddly they are only now really talking about the flu in any depth .. it is not 'better late than never' when your a bloody news group!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/12/want-kill-nhs-wont-stop-kinder-system-could-save-lives/

The Australian .. Or New Zealand Flu is a couple of weeks away from being an official epidemic within two weeks and there is now talk of a Japanese strain too?!

But then this story is in the Daily Mail! Well they have to get it right sooner or later.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5262651/Flu-reach-epidemic-proportions-Britain-2-WEEKS.html

 

THE BAG CONTAINS NO CAT

Let's get this one out of the way to start with ..

.. I still have a damned cough. One that only yesterday someone said I should get it looked at and .. well, yeah. It should.

But I've been in hospital the times with this Australian flu and I've been in A GP Surgery twice. Nothing. No offer of a flu jab.

Right now .. I technically have no GP either, which I didn't think about at the time.

The cat that's out of the bag is that I'm currently in London. I have been for several days and my car is back too and currently sort of in the process of registering it to sell it.

It managed to come all the way back to London without so much of a hiccup.

So it would seem my anxiety caused me to panic.

But it didn't do that alone .. it had a lot of help from many different public services, though I loathe to call them that.

Some of the failures were down to, in varying degrees, the NHS for not making me realise what my anxiety would do to me.

Most failures are down to the DWP for taking my disability, or Personal Independent Payments away from me. For lying and going back on an agreement about being self employed, New Enterprise Allowance agreement and payments and Working Tax Credits.

Even if your a dumb arse amoral twat .. you don't agree to something for 13 weeks and then pull the rug from under people. That's not helping people .. that's tricking people by way of lying.

Lastly the blame goes out to Wirral Council, Victim Support and the Family Support people who I very literally have trouble seeing the point of .. at all. Same goes for the Independent Review Officer. I not only was not receiving money from the former mentioned public services I was paying money out because of the latter public services.

I .. loathe calling them public services.

At the end of the day I was trying to do their jobs for them and then because of them .. could not.

Oops .. accidentally published this ..

Umm EDIT!!

I am also back here with a package for my solicitor.

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to sign some these form too?

Now I have a barrage of other things I need to have sorted out or need advice on before I move forward. I don't even know if moving forward is possible.

It's a mess, I'm not going to lie and all that time I had that damn flu too.

I had to return at the worst possible time but .. well some things just didn't make sense to me.

Oh I could say I heard this and another person said that but it won't make any difference.

I came back in a hurry due to the very real possibility that someone could scratch or destroy my car. I was told to be careful.

I was already bad with anxiety and then at the very last I get some work .. warnings along with anger so I thought it best to just be somewhere else for the time being.

I was accused of some silly stuff too .. but it's hard to just shrug some things off and call others merely 'silly' in the situation I was in. If this had all occurred within a fifty mile radius of London no problems would have occurred. But they didn't and they did.

Since being here I'm being told different things by different people as per usual.

I also had a bizarre tyre failure by one of the top of road tyres you can buy and two tyres losing half their pressure and then bizarrely staying up.

Tyres don't lose pressure and then stay up for weeks.

I'm willing to bet everything I have the same thing happened to the brand new Pirelli tyre that failed?

Then there was that focus and warning I received regarding the exact same car.

If I'd had a cheap £500 or £1,000 car I would have just ignored it all. But I don't have a cheap car!

Since being back here I've had to do two more journeys and I was .. very anxious about it.

I'm worried now that I might have my driver's licence taken away, being declared unfit for driving. 

When it's only me that suffers when things are like this.

Plus .. being back here I don't have to drive and I know the transport system .. will outside of those situations were in momentarily don't know where I am out where this bus or road ends up.

I'm far from out of the woods just yet .. though my solicitor is meant to be getting in touch and of and when we meet everything could change. In an instant. Possibly. Hopefully.

I panic about it but every now and then I tell myself that I'm back five days earlier than I originally thought I would be.

Oddly the registering of the car looks as if it will take place the same day it originally was .. Monday.

There's also an element of guilt being here .. well a few elements of guilt. No eight elements of guilt. Well you get the idea.

My afternoons seem to be improving but I just get things done .. though I wonder if there is any point to it all?

This fear of the unknown in my case is torturous and .. stupid, admittedly.

My solicitor said she would be in contact today but wasn't. Had a tough or urgent things going on, as she put it, and would get back to me today.

I didn't think she would. God only knows what's going on over there .. I hope it's nothing serious.

I also pray that eventually they will be able to help .. because the situation is somewhat .. impossible.

Despite being happy with the house I lived in for ten years and the new turf I spent a few weeks laying, trust me it's not a big garden, they were happy. Nor happy enough to forward a reference or my deposit though.

Shame then that I can prove I lived there for ten years! Bad tenants don't live in properties for ten whole years and especially when I can prove that it was my decision to leave.

Some people just don't think things through.

Ooh that's something I missed from my report .. also it's the first of two deposits that are owed to me. Though the second technically isn't owed to me until the end of the tenancy.

I don't have to think about that right now at any rate!

During the period that I typed this my old GP practice called me and .. rather biazarrely kicked me off their register .. lol. Go figure .. could not wait to get rid of me .. despite the fact that I told them I did not know whether I was going back or not and had no GP ..

My medical records are going into limbo .. or some central crap until otherwise called for .. by my solicitor as I pointed out. 

Odd ..

Never happened before .. it is like they have been officially sealed and stored away somewhere safe from prying eyes.

DEATH ESCAPES ME

Well this sums up what I've been doing all day ..

"Something I see so much amongst chronic pain sufferers (I’m guilty of it myself) is a desire to hide what we’re really going through as much as possible. It happens in so many situations for myriad reasons. I understand that putting on a brave face and concealing our suffering is an essential management technique for many of us, but I’ll end this article with a plea: please don’t try to be brave all the time. No-one can carry the weight of the world alone. No-one can deal with the most painful condition there is without getting some support sometimes."

The part about putting on a brave face is what I've been doing for a week .. maybe two?

I've been doing it today and I don't know how I've kept it up, if I've kept it up at all that is?

But I'm .. now annoyingly close to the edge and yet I'm still braving it and hoping tomorrow goes well and there are no .. complications.

I'm praying that if I make it things will calm down but this Australian Flu crap is really doing its fourth number on me in a little over three months. I definitely had it as early as October but .. that's only because of a post I did that I have that month in my head.

Things are going to fail .. it just always goes that way.

My stupid fears I don't understand and I am fed up with. They make no sense and feel like they are trying to kill me slowly or give me a heart attack.

I keep telling myself that whatever happens at least I tried to help. I tried to do something for someone else. I feel like I've failed, I'm told I succeeded .. to a degree at any rate.

But this is just way too much and I am staggered that my heart has not given out .. it certainly can't be good what's its going through right now.

I don't know my way around and I don't know the transport system plus I'm .. well contagious with this damn Aussie flu.

I can get confused on familiar places and have done so in the past .. now I'm in a very unfamiliar place a long way from home.

I also have terrible motion sickness and .. umm think I put Metaclopramide in my pocket just in case?!

I am praying for death tonight but I bet it escapes me because it seems I'm destined to carry on suffering.

Hence praying for death .. is the only thing on my mind. 'My mind' is a funny tern to use because it's my mind that seems to be it's own worst enemy.

THE SLOW DEATH

OK ..

Daughter now shouting at domestic abuser on the phone, calling from prison!

I woke up around 6am, 8.15am now, and thought I was dying. I still might.

Australian flu!

It's been dogging me since bloody October.

Yesterday while doing things I ended up on my knees several times, leaning against a wall dozens of times and it was the same the day before too .. though I have had a history of this it has not happened for several months.

I thought it was funny last night when I started to get sniffly, often the first sign your getting a cold. But I thought I was coming out of a three month stint of it. But then I knew I had something out of the ordinary and maybe this was just different.

Then I had a slightly different cough to the one I have had for weeks now. Thought that was odd and was tickly.

Trying to go to sleep I couldn't and my sinuses blocked up.

Then 6am this morning .. feverish and nauseous!

Oddly I thought I'd be sent to hospital when I went to the GP but he thought I had something other than the flu. I even mentioned how long I had, had it and even this 'Aussie' or 'Double' flu.

I even mentioned that I wasn't at home, loose term, and was with children.

My daughter is asthmatic too and we had a bit of a fright yesterday morning.

Then last night she said she thought she had the flu coming on.

I'm actually going to suggest that right in the middle of something it might be safer if we get admitted to hospital as a family?!

We have been doing something alone .. without a single offer of help from any authorities and we are .. late. The fact that at least four of us now have symptoms ad two of those being children .. surely this not takes precedence? What with the domestic violence as well as Autism being factors?!

Oh yeah .. my tongue .. my mouth was soo dry my tongue actually felt like a stone when I touched it using an index finger! That's kind of when I thought that maybe this was it for me?

It's lessened a little now but .. it's done this so many times during the past three months.

I then read somewhere that this one they are calling 'Aussie Flu' is evolving very fast.

That completely matches up with it feeling like I've had three or four different strains of flu one after the other.

Even the phlegm and mucous is coming up closer to a white colour now! Previously it was green and yellow .. what I consider basically normal colours with the flu!

Good .. God. For a long list of reasons this couldn't have occurred at a worse time!!

There is my daughter's asthma, four children some sounding like they might now be getting it, house decorations, court cases, cars to have to sell, being in an unknown land, no help from authorities whatsoever and other things I can't even talk about.

Then for me there is my Fibromyalgia, which seems to have lowered my tolerances of a few things. It simply has to be why I've had this for so long.

Lowered my tolerance of alcohol too, that much I've noticed since I got here but I had a clue about this years ago. But it seems to fluctuate .. had signs of that years ago too ..

Must have told a story on here when I was at Stratstones of Mayfair and Land Rover? Two sets of people arguing whether I could handle my drink or not after two separate nights out.

I'm a little scared right now if I'm honest .. I really needed a particular job .. being finished before feeling like this again.

Crossing my fingers once again and I'd rather welcome death to my particular door than to end up with a load of complications.

Also been a lot of reports of deaths .. in Australia and Ireland.

I am sure this has what has made me suicidal at times.