FAILING THE HUMAN SPIRIT

I knew some years ago that they were casting out people with mental health issues and was told as much by a Psychiatrist, Dr Cody in Enfield.

I knew at the time that they would slowly move on to other conditions and one by one kick them off of any help or support they received.

I believe that was when the deaths of people needing care, support and financial support started a steep increase. That was under Tony Blair and long before the financial crisis started. Meaning that either they knew the financial crisis was coming long before they claimed that they did in the news media or .. they started something not knowing that what was to come would just spiral out of control.

Since then we have had George Osborne state we are all in this together standing atop a mountain of a growing number of dead bodies.

We have had Iain Duncan-Smith widely known outside of the news media that he sees the working class as slaves quit his job as Work and Pensions Secretary.

We have now had Justine Greening refuse to take on that same job and then seemed to .. resign?

Still things have gotten worse and still the mountain of bodies grows ever higher.

It has gotten far worse than I could ever have imagined and the way that mental health is .. dealt with, I was going to say handled but it is not, is atrocious. It is non-existent in reality.

I found a webpage that states as much ..

Within the NHS there is sometimes too much of a reliance on using the same techniques for everyone - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting line in the link below is one I think about constantly ..

 There is also the issue of clinical distance. When I was at the point of suicide, I was emotionally detached from everyone around me. Either consciously or unconsciously, I disconnected from the people who cared about me in order to be able to end my life. - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting section of the page in The Telegraph is this one ..

Our clients report that they are often told by mental health professionals: “It’s your decision.” This is in respect of the decision to end their life. Indeed, I was told this in 2012. It helped to validate the decision, in my mind. Our clients say it makes them feel that clinicians simply don’t care whether they survive or not. - The Telegraph (see link below)

That is literally how it has felt each time I have been in a suicidal period .. which always seems to happen every few years and always caused by the public services that receive tax money to help and support people.

The DWP, the NHS and the Local Councils.

What I linked together a long time ago and have long since called 'The Evil Trinity'.

Many years ago I watched a trilogy of horror films called The Omen. In this story the son of Satan is born and placed among a powerful family with the intention that he will become the most powerful person on Earth, the President of the United States of America. As a child you try to imagine the horrors that this would bring to a country and/or the world.

I no longer need to do this because .. this is how it feels like now.

Here is another line from the link below that they think they are so right about but is a massive failure .. because it is not bloody possible or we would all be bloody well doing it!

What I wanted at that point was to be heard, and for someone to understand and empathise, not to be told to go and focus on something practical instead - The Telegraph (see link below)

'Oh go and do this you enjoy or go and do that you enjoy' is what I would hear each time. Yeah well you can't .. either because your not in that frame of mind or because it is simply not possible.

For me right now there is nothing I would love more than to get back to doing that I was doing prior to relocating far, far away and spending a lot of time money and effort, not forgetting pain and Aussie flu for four moths solid.

I cannot and the reasons that I cannot are the reasons why I am in the low mood that I am. Low mood, a period of confusion, a frequently failing memory and suicidal thoughts until I get some clear sign that there is a clear path.

Very often we do not need our problems immediately solved .. we simply need to know, see or be assured that there is a lot at the end of the tunnel.

I like to write this blog but I also like to live on my own, near nature just outside London and go about with my new camera and do some photography. Wildlife and nature along with landscapes (yeah London not ideal) and I would like to do architecture and some more artistic photography too.

I started to think that George Osborne or Iain Duncan-Smith were the anti-Christ like characters but it it is not, they are just minions to someone else hidden away.

And the news media is focused on equal pay for people being paid many tens of thousands of pounds, hundreds of thousands of pounds and even millions of pounds. Mostly in media of course!

Oddly they are only now really talking about the flu in any depth .. it is not 'better late than never' when your a bloody news group!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/12/want-kill-nhs-wont-stop-kinder-system-could-save-lives/

The Australian .. Or New Zealand Flu is a couple of weeks away from being an official epidemic within two weeks and there is now talk of a Japanese strain too?!

But then this story is in the Daily Mail! Well they have to get it right sooner or later.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5262651/Flu-reach-epidemic-proportions-Britain-2-WEEKS.html

 

THE SLOW DEATH

OK ..

Daughter now shouting at domestic abuser on the phone, calling from prison!

I woke up around 6am, 8.15am now, and thought I was dying. I still might.

Australian flu!

It's been dogging me since bloody October.

Yesterday while doing things I ended up on my knees several times, leaning against a wall dozens of times and it was the same the day before too .. though I have had a history of this it has not happened for several months.

I thought it was funny last night when I started to get sniffly, often the first sign your getting a cold. But I thought I was coming out of a three month stint of it. But then I knew I had something out of the ordinary and maybe this was just different.

Then I had a slightly different cough to the one I have had for weeks now. Thought that was odd and was tickly.

Trying to go to sleep I couldn't and my sinuses blocked up.

Then 6am this morning .. feverish and nauseous!

Oddly I thought I'd be sent to hospital when I went to the GP but he thought I had something other than the flu. I even mentioned how long I had, had it and even this 'Aussie' or 'Double' flu.

I even mentioned that I wasn't at home, loose term, and was with children.

My daughter is asthmatic too and we had a bit of a fright yesterday morning.

Then last night she said she thought she had the flu coming on.

I'm actually going to suggest that right in the middle of something it might be safer if we get admitted to hospital as a family?!

We have been doing something alone .. without a single offer of help from any authorities and we are .. late. The fact that at least four of us now have symptoms ad two of those being children .. surely this not takes precedence? What with the domestic violence as well as Autism being factors?!

Oh yeah .. my tongue .. my mouth was soo dry my tongue actually felt like a stone when I touched it using an index finger! That's kind of when I thought that maybe this was it for me?

It's lessened a little now but .. it's done this so many times during the past three months.

I then read somewhere that this one they are calling 'Aussie Flu' is evolving very fast.

That completely matches up with it feeling like I've had three or four different strains of flu one after the other.

Even the phlegm and mucous is coming up closer to a white colour now! Previously it was green and yellow .. what I consider basically normal colours with the flu!

Good .. God. For a long list of reasons this couldn't have occurred at a worse time!!

There is my daughter's asthma, four children some sounding like they might now be getting it, house decorations, court cases, cars to have to sell, being in an unknown land, no help from authorities whatsoever and other things I can't even talk about.

Then for me there is my Fibromyalgia, which seems to have lowered my tolerances of a few things. It simply has to be why I've had this for so long.

Lowered my tolerance of alcohol too, that much I've noticed since I got here but I had a clue about this years ago. But it seems to fluctuate .. had signs of that years ago too ..

Must have told a story on here when I was at Stratstones of Mayfair and Land Rover? Two sets of people arguing whether I could handle my drink or not after two separate nights out.

I'm a little scared right now if I'm honest .. I really needed a particular job .. being finished before feeling like this again.

Crossing my fingers once again and I'd rather welcome death to my particular door than to end up with a load of complications.

Also been a lot of reports of deaths .. in Australia and Ireland.

I am sure this has what has made me suicidal at times.

DOUBLE TROUBLE FLU

That's something of an understatement but it's a play around with a name going around the UK for a particular flu virus.

What I read kind of makes sense .. to a point. Or stated that there is a flu virus going around that affects you .. hmm didn't note a time, then a little while after you think it has gone out comes back with a vengeance?!

It certainly seems much more aggressive than it did previously and .. seems to be worse at night. It starts to play up a bit more when it's late but then wakes you up in agony early in the morning.

They called it 'Double Flu'.

Only .. well I've had what seems like three doses of flu, coughing right now.

First I had it fairly bad but variable for around five weeks .. then nothing for a couple days .. then mild dose for two or three days .. then a couple days break again and then four days back .. WHAM!!

Only things I had worse than this was what they called Swine Flu but that didn't last anywhere near this long. Ten days or so of I recall correctly?

Many years ago I contracted what they call Chinese Flu .. which lasted about three weeks .. which shocked me at the time as it was supposed to be ten days for colds and flues.

Now I've been affected for over five weeks which could be over eight of its the same virus?!

God help anyone is that contracts this strain!

THE COLD THAT STAYS

OK I have decided that after another bad night I have had enough.

I have either had three flu viruses over the last eight weeks or so or I have had the same virus with a couple of days break here and there before it comes storming back again?!

I am not one to go in anywhere when I have flu but this is ridiculous.

One of the kids has had something wrong and this may have been affecting her a couple of weeks? So much going on hard to keep track.

Anyway I a going to ring someone .. here in this strange land and see what they say, just it sure if it will be GP Surgery or '111' just yet.

I also checked online as I did not think that contracting three viruses in quick succession or having one that lasts 8 weeks is even possible.

Then I discovered something they are calling 'Aussie Flu' and they have been worried that it would come here and that one seems to linger.

Odd that there was a report of someone dying from it because it has felt like that a few mornings now but then it abates a little during the day.

Oh and I a in strange land, do not know the area or places .. or at least very few of them, have bad motion sickness and this damned anxiety .. God help me!