THAT DAMNING FLU

Well not wanting to be outdone by those in Australia and New Zealand we had the Japanese and now the French Flues.

It is somewhat bonkers at this point.

Boots has run out of flu jabs, or jobs as stated on the webpage below. Umm that might just be Boots in Gloucestershire? As the webpage seems to be for that area.

I spoke to more people that I both do and do not know today and all have had this flu. I have yet to meet someone that has not had it since I have been back and there are some horror stories.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it is doing to some people?

I have been struck with another symptom of the dreaded bug I had thought was done with me. Still does not want to do the one thing I want it to though.

However there is one thing that it does and it is something to watch out for. Sometimes you can get into a coughing fit where you cannot breath in because you keep on coughing. Watch out for that and it might be something that causes people to lose consciousness by not being able to breath in. It may be even worse than that?

I may have a problem as I have been told a different story to ending one of my problems than that told by others. So I need to check that but as it is Sunday tomorrow and I want this done really by Monday or Tuesday at the latest I have a little time.

In the meantime I am wondering how bad things are in London and the surrounding areas .. or home counties?

Oddly it is not the greatest time of the year for the things I enjoy doing and I have this terrible habit of thinking I am wasting m time and the tools I have. But then I tell myself that I do have a couple of months grace before I can start worrying about that and in that time anything can happen?

Though after four weeks I may well be back to suffering again .. I am kind of suffering but in different ways and I want things to happen quickly and they are .. not. Oddly some public services are going to inevitable state that they want things to happen quickly when it will not because of other public services!

This is the second time in less than a year that I have found myself being moaned at by one public service because of the time taken by another public service. Dumb and dumber.

Once again showing that they think themselves above the law and that there are indeed at least two sets of laws.

Like the fact that private landlords can be fined for renting to illegal immigrants while councils are perfectly free to do that without repercussions.

Wrong. Just wrong.

http://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/whats-on/shopping/boots-stores-run-out-flu-1061292

FAILING THE HUMAN SPIRIT

I knew some years ago that they were casting out people with mental health issues and was told as much by a Psychiatrist, Dr Cody in Enfield.

I knew at the time that they would slowly move on to other conditions and one by one kick them off of any help or support they received.

I believe that was when the deaths of people needing care, support and financial support started a steep increase. That was under Tony Blair and long before the financial crisis started. Meaning that either they knew the financial crisis was coming long before they claimed that they did in the news media or .. they started something not knowing that what was to come would just spiral out of control.

Since then we have had George Osborne state we are all in this together standing atop a mountain of a growing number of dead bodies.

We have had Iain Duncan-Smith widely known outside of the news media that he sees the working class as slaves quit his job as Work and Pensions Secretary.

We have now had Justine Greening refuse to take on that same job and then seemed to .. resign?

Still things have gotten worse and still the mountain of bodies grows ever higher.

It has gotten far worse than I could ever have imagined and the way that mental health is .. dealt with, I was going to say handled but it is not, is atrocious. It is non-existent in reality.

I found a webpage that states as much ..

Within the NHS there is sometimes too much of a reliance on using the same techniques for everyone - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting line in the link below is one I think about constantly ..

 There is also the issue of clinical distance. When I was at the point of suicide, I was emotionally detached from everyone around me. Either consciously or unconsciously, I disconnected from the people who cared about me in order to be able to end my life. - The Telegraph (see link below)

An interesting section of the page in The Telegraph is this one ..

Our clients report that they are often told by mental health professionals: “It’s your decision.” This is in respect of the decision to end their life. Indeed, I was told this in 2012. It helped to validate the decision, in my mind. Our clients say it makes them feel that clinicians simply don’t care whether they survive or not. - The Telegraph (see link below)

That is literally how it has felt each time I have been in a suicidal period .. which always seems to happen every few years and always caused by the public services that receive tax money to help and support people.

The DWP, the NHS and the Local Councils.

What I linked together a long time ago and have long since called 'The Evil Trinity'.

Many years ago I watched a trilogy of horror films called The Omen. In this story the son of Satan is born and placed among a powerful family with the intention that he will become the most powerful person on Earth, the President of the United States of America. As a child you try to imagine the horrors that this would bring to a country and/or the world.

I no longer need to do this because .. this is how it feels like now.

Here is another line from the link below that they think they are so right about but is a massive failure .. because it is not bloody possible or we would all be bloody well doing it!

What I wanted at that point was to be heard, and for someone to understand and empathise, not to be told to go and focus on something practical instead - The Telegraph (see link below)

'Oh go and do this you enjoy or go and do that you enjoy' is what I would hear each time. Yeah well you can't .. either because your not in that frame of mind or because it is simply not possible.

For me right now there is nothing I would love more than to get back to doing that I was doing prior to relocating far, far away and spending a lot of time money and effort, not forgetting pain and Aussie flu for four moths solid.

I cannot and the reasons that I cannot are the reasons why I am in the low mood that I am. Low mood, a period of confusion, a frequently failing memory and suicidal thoughts until I get some clear sign that there is a clear path.

Very often we do not need our problems immediately solved .. we simply need to know, see or be assured that there is a lot at the end of the tunnel.

I like to write this blog but I also like to live on my own, near nature just outside London and go about with my new camera and do some photography. Wildlife and nature along with landscapes (yeah London not ideal) and I would like to do architecture and some more artistic photography too.

I started to think that George Osborne or Iain Duncan-Smith were the anti-Christ like characters but it it is not, they are just minions to someone else hidden away.

And the news media is focused on equal pay for people being paid many tens of thousands of pounds, hundreds of thousands of pounds and even millions of pounds. Mostly in media of course!

Oddly they are only now really talking about the flu in any depth .. it is not 'better late than never' when your a bloody news group!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/01/12/want-kill-nhs-wont-stop-kinder-system-could-save-lives/

The Australian .. Or New Zealand Flu is a couple of weeks away from being an official epidemic within two weeks and there is now talk of a Japanese strain too?!

But then this story is in the Daily Mail! Well they have to get it right sooner or later.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5262651/Flu-reach-epidemic-proportions-Britain-2-WEEKS.html

 

DEATH BY MISADVENTURE

There are too many things.

Too many things to think about.

Too many things to do.

Too many things to go wrong and ..

Too many things that hurt.

I have a weekend to get through thinking about how I am going to get out of this mess I have landed myself in.

My head still spins at how so many things have gone wrong. About the one and only thing that was successful was getting back to London in my car but even that was by the skin of our teeth and after a very long journey.

But at the end of the day one thing has become most obvious to me that compounds everything else and that is my memory. It is just too damn much and the panic and anxiety I used to feel over my memory causing me trouble is now the most forefront thing in my mind on a personal level.

I had been asking for help for awhile. I had told several Doctors about this and am sure at least two previous General Practitioners prior to the GP I had in Birkenhead.

I nearly threw out several important prescription pills two days ago because someone was trying to rush me to do something that was not vital. They did not like it when I begged them not to rush me over little jobs that were not vital and because of my memory.

I was told that I just needed to be organised and I stated that with all the mistakes I have made over the last four months and how grand and costly these have turned out to be that they surely cannot be serious?

I went on to say that when I am down or having anxiety attacks the memory gets much worse and even moving my car I nearly forgot a couple of things.

But then there is the .. situation too. There are things I just do not want to do considering my present circumstances and according to the very first meeting with my solicitor I should no be doing anyway.

I am homeless for one thing presently .. technically .. sort of.

I might change my mind about what I am doing and where I am going to live but .. right now I have done something that I have been trying to do for months .. return to London because I still have belongings here I need to sort out. I had originally planned to do this in late October to November but never got around to do because my time was taken up because of the lack of action and help of the public services.

In the end I returned because of some threats towards my car, that I had list the logbook and that it became necessary to sell it and I could not achieve this where I was living in Birkenhead.

There was a plan but the plan kept changing and there was too much reliance on the car it became obvious I needed to sell.

But then at the end I was told two too many things that just compounded the situation and I did not know what to think any longer. It was just too much .. I was having some anger and name calling thrown at me too. This could have been some elaborate plan by someone involved up there but in the end I did not know what to believe. Though I knew I had made one vital error. Though this one error was kept hidden from me in a very good way. The fact that this never slipped out from anyone of the more than five people that could have mentioned it was nothing short of remarkable. It just never occurred to me to do the maths involved which were simple enough.

It also meant that things were being kept from me around six years ago too. Plus some things that were supposed to happen did not take place either.

Huh? It just occurred to me what some of the threats were about .. but .. if there had been any threat in any way it would not have been of my making.

I seem to have lost other items in the moving about too and God only knows where they are?! I lost a recording device for starters .. my little Sony.

But that is done and now I have a whole other set of problems to deal with and I have no idea at all how I am going to achieve these.

I have a plan in place .. well two plans in fact but in my experience my plans do not always work out that well.

I will hold out for a month to see if either of these work out but .. when I try and think about them I end up thinking they will both go wrong.

I am looking up things .. but I always come back to the same conclusion when I end up looking up this type of thing and it always ends up with the same result .. carbon monoxide.

Makes me think of someone I know who is so fed up with things that he wants to go to Switzerland for an assisted death, or voluntary euthanasia! I could not even do this as I have no passport currently!

I knew he had been fed up for a fair old while .. he used to be on disability but had been taken off this like so many others. He lived in Birkenhead too that he found a living hell before returning to Oldham. He found a job on Facebook but it was only temporary and decided that he would rather end his own life in Switzerland than go back to Universal Credit. I remember thinking 'poor bastard' and suddenly all his anger and vitriol made perfect sense to me.

Never thought about my appearance when I returned, well you do not really care about what you look like when your this low.

A friend's girlfriend told me I needed to trim my beard back, cut my hair and should tidy myself up! Go figure. My friend told his sister on the phone I was a lot thinner and looking pretty rough ..

.. oddly I had apologised to someone up in Birkenhead that I very much liked about my dishevelled appearance and tired like state when she saw me about a week or so before I returned.

I still have a damn cough from this awful Aussie Flu that seems to have struck me at the worst possible time imaginable. Unfortunately it is obvious that this illness is not going to kill me but just be damned annoying instead. Despite the fact it has been suggested I 'get that cough sorted out' since returning back to London.

Stories continue to emerge of people that are taking their own lives under extreme pressures and some of those are quite surprising and shocking too ..

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/young-bank-worker-researched-how-8254350

THE BAG CONTAINS NO CAT

Let's get this one out of the way to start with ..

.. I still have a damned cough. One that only yesterday someone said I should get it looked at and .. well, yeah. It should.

But I've been in hospital the times with this Australian flu and I've been in A GP Surgery twice. Nothing. No offer of a flu jab.

Right now .. I technically have no GP either, which I didn't think about at the time.

The cat that's out of the bag is that I'm currently in London. I have been for several days and my car is back too and currently sort of in the process of registering it to sell it.

It managed to come all the way back to London without so much of a hiccup.

So it would seem my anxiety caused me to panic.

But it didn't do that alone .. it had a lot of help from many different public services, though I loathe to call them that.

Some of the failures were down to, in varying degrees, the NHS for not making me realise what my anxiety would do to me.

Most failures are down to the DWP for taking my disability, or Personal Independent Payments away from me. For lying and going back on an agreement about being self employed, New Enterprise Allowance agreement and payments and Working Tax Credits.

Even if your a dumb arse amoral twat .. you don't agree to something for 13 weeks and then pull the rug from under people. That's not helping people .. that's tricking people by way of lying.

Lastly the blame goes out to Wirral Council, Victim Support and the Family Support people who I very literally have trouble seeing the point of .. at all. Same goes for the Independent Review Officer. I not only was not receiving money from the former mentioned public services I was paying money out because of the latter public services.

I .. loathe calling them public services.

At the end of the day I was trying to do their jobs for them and then because of them .. could not.

Oops .. accidentally published this ..

Umm EDIT!!

I am also back here with a package for my solicitor.

I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to sign some these form too?

Now I have a barrage of other things I need to have sorted out or need advice on before I move forward. I don't even know if moving forward is possible.

It's a mess, I'm not going to lie and all that time I had that damn flu too.

I had to return at the worst possible time but .. well some things just didn't make sense to me.

Oh I could say I heard this and another person said that but it won't make any difference.

I came back in a hurry due to the very real possibility that someone could scratch or destroy my car. I was told to be careful.

I was already bad with anxiety and then at the very last I get some work .. warnings along with anger so I thought it best to just be somewhere else for the time being.

I was accused of some silly stuff too .. but it's hard to just shrug some things off and call others merely 'silly' in the situation I was in. If this had all occurred within a fifty mile radius of London no problems would have occurred. But they didn't and they did.

Since being here I'm being told different things by different people as per usual.

I also had a bizarre tyre failure by one of the top of road tyres you can buy and two tyres losing half their pressure and then bizarrely staying up.

Tyres don't lose pressure and then stay up for weeks.

I'm willing to bet everything I have the same thing happened to the brand new Pirelli tyre that failed?

Then there was that focus and warning I received regarding the exact same car.

If I'd had a cheap £500 or £1,000 car I would have just ignored it all. But I don't have a cheap car!

Since being back here I've had to do two more journeys and I was .. very anxious about it.

I'm worried now that I might have my driver's licence taken away, being declared unfit for driving. 

When it's only me that suffers when things are like this.

Plus .. being back here I don't have to drive and I know the transport system .. will outside of those situations were in momentarily don't know where I am out where this bus or road ends up.

I'm far from out of the woods just yet .. though my solicitor is meant to be getting in touch and of and when we meet everything could change. In an instant. Possibly. Hopefully.

I panic about it but every now and then I tell myself that I'm back five days earlier than I originally thought I would be.

Oddly the registering of the car looks as if it will take place the same day it originally was .. Monday.

There's also an element of guilt being here .. well a few elements of guilt. No eight elements of guilt. Well you get the idea.

My afternoons seem to be improving but I just get things done .. though I wonder if there is any point to it all?

This fear of the unknown in my case is torturous and .. stupid, admittedly.

My solicitor said she would be in contact today but wasn't. Had a tough or urgent things going on, as she put it, and would get back to me today.

I didn't think she would. God only knows what's going on over there .. I hope it's nothing serious.

I also pray that eventually they will be able to help .. because the situation is somewhat .. impossible.

Despite being happy with the house I lived in for ten years and the new turf I spent a few weeks laying, trust me it's not a big garden, they were happy. Nor happy enough to forward a reference or my deposit though.

Shame then that I can prove I lived there for ten years! Bad tenants don't live in properties for ten whole years and especially when I can prove that it was my decision to leave.

Some people just don't think things through.

Ooh that's something I missed from my report .. also it's the first of two deposits that are owed to me. Though the second technically isn't owed to me until the end of the tenancy.

I don't have to think about that right now at any rate!

During the period that I typed this my old GP practice called me and .. rather biazarrely kicked me off their register .. lol. Go figure .. could not wait to get rid of me .. despite the fact that I told them I did not know whether I was going back or not and had no GP ..

My medical records are going into limbo .. or some central crap until otherwise called for .. by my solicitor as I pointed out. 

Odd ..

Never happened before .. it is like they have been officially sealed and stored away somewhere safe from prying eyes.

THE SLOW DEATH

OK ..

Daughter now shouting at domestic abuser on the phone, calling from prison!

I woke up around 6am, 8.15am now, and thought I was dying. I still might.

Australian flu!

It's been dogging me since bloody October.

Yesterday while doing things I ended up on my knees several times, leaning against a wall dozens of times and it was the same the day before too .. though I have had a history of this it has not happened for several months.

I thought it was funny last night when I started to get sniffly, often the first sign your getting a cold. But I thought I was coming out of a three month stint of it. But then I knew I had something out of the ordinary and maybe this was just different.

Then I had a slightly different cough to the one I have had for weeks now. Thought that was odd and was tickly.

Trying to go to sleep I couldn't and my sinuses blocked up.

Then 6am this morning .. feverish and nauseous!

Oddly I thought I'd be sent to hospital when I went to the GP but he thought I had something other than the flu. I even mentioned how long I had, had it and even this 'Aussie' or 'Double' flu.

I even mentioned that I wasn't at home, loose term, and was with children.

My daughter is asthmatic too and we had a bit of a fright yesterday morning.

Then last night she said she thought she had the flu coming on.

I'm actually going to suggest that right in the middle of something it might be safer if we get admitted to hospital as a family?!

We have been doing something alone .. without a single offer of help from any authorities and we are .. late. The fact that at least four of us now have symptoms ad two of those being children .. surely this not takes precedence? What with the domestic violence as well as Autism being factors?!

Oh yeah .. my tongue .. my mouth was soo dry my tongue actually felt like a stone when I touched it using an index finger! That's kind of when I thought that maybe this was it for me?

It's lessened a little now but .. it's done this so many times during the past three months.

I then read somewhere that this one they are calling 'Aussie Flu' is evolving very fast.

That completely matches up with it feeling like I've had three or four different strains of flu one after the other.

Even the phlegm and mucous is coming up closer to a white colour now! Previously it was green and yellow .. what I consider basically normal colours with the flu!

Good .. God. For a long list of reasons this couldn't have occurred at a worse time!!

There is my daughter's asthma, four children some sounding like they might now be getting it, house decorations, court cases, cars to have to sell, being in an unknown land, no help from authorities whatsoever and other things I can't even talk about.

Then for me there is my Fibromyalgia, which seems to have lowered my tolerances of a few things. It simply has to be why I've had this for so long.

Lowered my tolerance of alcohol too, that much I've noticed since I got here but I had a clue about this years ago. But it seems to fluctuate .. had signs of that years ago too ..

Must have told a story on here when I was at Stratstones of Mayfair and Land Rover? Two sets of people arguing whether I could handle my drink or not after two separate nights out.

I'm a little scared right now if I'm honest .. I really needed a particular job .. being finished before feeling like this again.

Crossing my fingers once again and I'd rather welcome death to my particular door than to end up with a load of complications.

Also been a lot of reports of deaths .. in Australia and Ireland.

I am sure this has what has made me suicidal at times.

MURDEROUS MORNINGS

Going though hell .. this morning.

Got that ECG on and hit the button a few times from around 4.30am onward but just pain in region of heart I know is anxiety.

No heart palpitations, tightness or skipped beat feelings.

But then I noticed that when the anxiety is playing up .. the other stuff seems to stop or at least become a lot less frequent.

So all that testing was probably a waste of time unless something happens in the next four hours or so.

There is some stuff going on that is .. stressful. I would like to think that this anxiety will die down when it is over, fingers tightly crossed.

One more appointment to go with the hospital and I have to be back at the Doctors in ten days .. nine days.

I am not happy I have Venlafaxine again .. I recall missing a couple of days and it put me on my back .. I had forgotten to take them and even back then my memory was an issue and I did not pick up on it. We are talking around twelve years ago now I had that.

But I am so desperate to stop this that I am taking it again. But this will add to my lists of things to panic about.

Just like I told my GP none of this makes any sense to me .. why the brain is panicking about such stupid things.

I remember when I first saw my medical notes, that was how I found out, I was listed as having General Anxiety Disorder or GAD and when I read about it it stated that you can panic about little things. At first I did not think this was the case but when I thought about some of the things it did.

I still am coughing up green and yellow shit and that is something they want to look at but .. the way I feel right now .. it is difficult to get around to sorting that out.

I mean to speak to reception about setting up my digital repeat prescription thing. I might have also meant to have spoken to them about these blood tests? I cannot recall how it is done or what I was meant to do?

It is majorly disruptive this memory issue and I do not seem to have made anyone realise just how much it is.

I have felt for a long time like I need someone. To help me remember things.

I did think it might be easier here because there is another adult around but she is forgetful too so there is no chance of that happening and things are much worse.

Living on my own I was bad enough. I had a mate who used to remind me of things from time to time but he obviously could not remind e of everything.

This things is really, really stupid and confusing as well as majorly torturous and the fact that I have this virus/infection tat has lasted for months seems to have only made things worse. How things could have gotten this bad for me I simply do not know and begs belief.

As for this virus or infection .. my ex wonders if I picked it up in the house, which I doubt. What I did say was that I had read only recently that my .. resistance to infections can be lowered and is one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

So I guess I am still being let down.

The other thing is that I really need to return to my storage in London .. that really needs to be sorted out and the cost reduced or eliminated completely.

If my PIP gets reinstated it will become less of an issue but it still needs to be done.

I have taken a second Diazepam pill and hope that calms things down a bi as the first did not work.

I was, as they say, monged-out yesterday afternoon and in the evening I fell asleep. Do mot recall much at all except my daughter appearing around 4am. Was feeling OK at the time but around thirty minutes later it all started.

Whether the evening was down to the Venlafaxine or not I do not know, I had taken Amitriptyline too for the first time in a while so could be that. I have to check whether or not I should take these in the morning or at night. I am thinking nights, because of the morning things so will go and check that out.

WHAT A DAY WITH NO DAYDREAMS

Jesus .. I feel .. strange.

This was after feeling really bad this morning and the Doctors called and asked me to go in within the hour.

I was feeling crap and the surgery not far so I walked .. or hobbled to be precise. Not that bad though because I don't do much walking. Not regularly anyway so it's easier when I do.

I was in begging mode .. didn't see the same Doctor as last time. This one was reserved. He seemed like an OK guy though.

He didn't seem to think I had the flu and thought it might be something else? Probably because of the amount of time I have had it?

I got some more Diazepam and he prescribed Venlafaxine, which was weird because Venlafaxine was prescribed some years ago but don't remember it doing much, other than done rotten withdrawal symptoms I had never had before on any other pill. Or maybe I have but didn't link them at the time or just can't remember?

Came back to the house and my ex was here, of forgotten that she was coming. Some deep cleaning was going on .. well a little.

She said she couldn't understand how bad it gets here and I said that is impossible. You can't keep anything tidy anywhere. Only for about thirty minutes and it looks the same.

I had a little trouble sorting out my pills before taking them. My ex didn't want me to do much, obviously realising or told I was at the Doctors.

She wanted me to go to the tip though but .. I'd just passed on driving due to hire I felt and had to hospital appointments within two hours.

It was kinda cold ... that miserable type cold temperature where it's just low enough to be bothersome.

At the hospital I had to concentrate hard because I wanted to pass out the whole time.

When I was being scanned I thought I was going to pass out??

Anyway had the monitor fitted, told what button to press in the event of an episode.

But upon returning I feel asleep. That's not like me to fall asleep during the day. But lack of sleep and over half a dozen pills probably had an effect on me.

The worry now is .. shifting a lot of things about which is imminent and now told there's a time limit.

Bit awkward timing really, what with three appointments imminent.

I found out that more people closer to home are reading my blog which I did no expect nor have I had it happened in the past. Before I moved here that is.

The problem came from the posting to Facebook, which was going through my Twitter feed and have now turned off.

THE DAY IN HELL

I told my eldest grandson that there was day I was dreading. It was the same day and two days ago now.

It was the last day the children were at school, although one of them is only in nursery and not been in a couple of weeks.

I have seen a deterioration since I have been here.

I have been expecting blow up of sorts and half expected to be rushed to hospital myself .. if I go between the 28^th December and the 7^th January without being rushed into hospital, appointment on the 4^th January 2018 .. it will be nothing short of surprising.

I said there was a lack of help that I did not expect when I got here. Well it now appears to be worse that I thought.

The claims that the locals all help each other out around here are proving not to be the case, even the ones your related to.

A home move is supposed to take place in the coming days along with Christmas and a while bunch of hospital and Doctors appointments.

I have to take pills that stop complications that can have the effect of deterioration of my health and even premature death, though the latter I would welcome without pain. I have not only been missing those but have not gotten to the Doctors to have my blood pressure pills upped as ordered by the hospital .. that was only from the initial appointment out of four. Providing they do not add more appointments.

Well .. I have been ill too with this flu, though now my daughter has read about it in the Liverpool Echo local newspaper and the word is that it is the original 'Aussie Flu' I read about. I still bloody have it.

I also had not had a bath or shower in well over a week!! Might have been two with my short term memory problems? Things are just so hectic and with my memory problems and being stuck somewhere other than my flat where all my bath stuff and clothes are. I begs belief, even from me.

Each and every bloody time I end up not doing hat I need to do and because of three out of the four children.

Two autistic one and then a badly behaved and very loud, not to forget lying and crafty one, that drive you to distraction. And then some.

Yesterday was a chance to escape some of this with a family meal, though technically not my family, and some friends. I spent a few visit outside having a cigarette I so wish I could stop doing, dropping hints about the move. Nothing.

The two people I was look forward to seeing again, Alan and Linda, were not in attendance either.

Of course the older Autistic one did not sit still, complained about everything and as er usual was beaten by, not her younger Autistic sister, needy-boy. Just counting. Seven adults .. seven adults were in attendance and every single one of them told needy-boy to stop running around. I will let you take a guess as to whether he took any notice of anyone as all seven adults had told him this with many more than once. He was also the loudest and complaining that his food had not come yet! In an effing restaurant!

Older autistic one ea asked what she wanted for dinner .. “Ice cream!” Noo .. that is later .. what do you want for dinner?! “ICE CREAM!” and so the conversation went on.

Dinner arrives that she has eaten a hundred times and likes, fills the plate with a mountain of ketchup on her chips and onions rings .. pushes the dish away and says “Dun like it!!” which I have seen her trick beforehand when knows or thinks she will get what she originally wanted. Which was ice cream!

She flipped put upon returning to the house because she wanted ore ice cream.

Late that night a load of things were supposed to happen but did not and far too late we ended up playing Monopoly. Me, yung mum, eldest and needy-boy. Needy-boy the 5 year old performing because he wants to play Monopoly .. we ended up cheating and claiming he had to miss throws to speed things up as it was closing in on 1am. I had toothache I still have not sorted out yet. I also did not realise it was Friday .. even while at the family dinner I did not want to attend.

I did manage to have a shower and change my clothes .. something else that was just compounding my .. anxiety. As has the car but that is another story.

So it was getting late and I had this toothache and the one thing that I know is that if I do not get enough sleep .. I will suffer the following day and I am already run-down and have been for weeks now but seem to be getting to a tipping point. So I bailed out of the game which was taking too long, took some pain-killers and curled up on a sofa in the living room.

I awoke very early the next morning feeling .. not quite right and noticed someone was on the other couch. I did not realise it at the time and assumed it was my daughter and that need-boy and demanding devil-girl had hogged her bed yet again. But it turned out to be needy-boy, of course, with the idea of waking up on the couch making him feel like he is numero uno, he wants so desperately but cannot ever achieve with two younger and autistic sisters that are going to only get worse as they get older and bigger.

If the idea that these girls will only get worse and that there are two of them is not scary enough .. the fact that needy-boy will get bigger and more demanding has you just wanting to drop dead. Or leg it as far away as you can. We will see.

Suddenly I recall needing to use the loo .. stood up and almost fell over from nausea and as I walked cross a living room I had no plans on living in .. I had to lean against a wall to stop myself from going over altogether.

At some point there were stomach pains .. like trapped wind stomach pains that were pretty strong .. then I felt the need to vomit. Then before I knew it I had been in there for ages, was getting nervous about people waking up needing the loo at some point and suddenly bad diarrhoea, really bad diarrhoea.

The oddest thing was I had also spent an absolute age like I was passing out.

I had my tobacco on me so in these intermissions before things went bad again I would roll and then smoke a cigarette. Sometimes I had to place half of one on the radiator as things had gotten bad before I went into pain again. I was also still trying not to pass out especially so when I had a cigarette in my hands.

I had no key and so was worried about leaving the house in case the kids woke up and got out .. so that desperation to get to my own flat so I can suffer without being disturbed had t be quelled.

But after awhile I could hear the girls, who are shut in their own room for their own safety and our sanity, who eventually spoke quietly. So I thought mum was up and in a brief moment I thought I could finally escape the bathroom, then the house and get back to my flat. But upon coming down the stairs things were .. too quiet and the living room deserted. I was all over the place as I realised that everyone was still in bed .. I stood there momentarily before I then had to rush back upstairs to the toilet.

Yeah .. wouldn't have made it to the flat anyway.

Eventually I came out as everyone got up and though my initial toilet woes seem to be at an end .. others .. were not. I was still suffering and still trying not to pass out .. as I rolled a cigarette my daughter had requested and told her I was going to lie down for a bit on the eldest ones bed. One look at me and I was promised that the kids would be kept away from me.

It is 19.51 in the evening right now and I only found out twenty minutes ago that I was on the bed for 3 to 4 hours?! 'My bloody God!' I thought as I was told that.

The problem was that I was still not in the clear as I came around and was instead woken by a commotion. An argument was going on between the oldest and his mother that though I had predicted I did not expect for another 6 months at the very minimum but probably more like a year to 18 months.

The friction and stresses caused by the other three children, two autistic and one that thinks he is the centre of the universe stresses out all of us.

Though the cancer scares are only known and effect two of us.

The domestic violence seems to four of us like it is over and cannot return so once again .. that only affects the two of us.

The family that took my daughter away from me in the beginning? Yeah .. nowhere to be seen and the council has stated they do not trust one of them anyway. But then they an hardly talk because neither can they and they are only saying that because they sided with her, colluded with her and lost. In court too! Over and over.

The house was a complete mess .. there was excrement on the walls on the girl's bedroom, a tussle broke out between the oldest and his mother .. he had been placed in his room. I had gone downstairs and their was stuff all over the floor in the living room for the sixth time in 36 hours or so.

My had was still spinning, I was still nauseous .. I had been really ill, asleep for an unknown amount of time and wondering why I was not feeling as right as rain and wondered what the the feck had happened?!

All I could think is .. 'I can't do this!'

I had gone form the most boring existence on the face of the Earth while still having problems with health, pain and memory issues but still managing to try and make something of it. From that I had gone to the most hectic and one the most disastrous existences on the face of the Earth, short of a family all being murdered by a jealous and obsessive husband. Which itself still has it cards on the table.

As of this very moment a constant screaming can be heard from upstairs which is now a nightly thing and when I say 'screaming' I really do mean 'SCREAMING' and last night the mother was finally rewarded after two dozen refuses with a slap right across her face. The uber has now surpassed seven and when the door eventually closes you will get 30 minutes of that being screamed at the door and that will be followed by an hour of twanging the door handle and kicking the door. There is number eight. Oops nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve .. see how it goes?

After the eighth time I actually heard the answer of “Your NOT sleeping in my bed!”

Of course this was tried and failed. The demands for things just keep coming and as I stated before the slamming of a heavy chair against the bedroom floor comes when Cbeebies goes off.

Of course the other things is that the door is not locked and she does absolutely nothing that you ask her to .. quite the opposite in fact. Oddly enough her grandmother did that a lot with me and I told my daughter that when I remembered one day.

There is hyperpituitarism in the family too and I wondered if that kind of behaviour was down to that and that it has been combined with Autism making it appear to be turbocharged.

She would ask you for cereal and if there was two it did not matter which one you picked up .. every single time she would scream 'NO! The OTHER ONE!'

I came back from the shop earlier and they demanded sweets .. all three of them including the one that cannot string two words together. They know the words of the things they like .. or rather .. demand, that is for sure. I had told them I was not buying them sweets or chocolates as they had been naughty but would get them a drink .. to which they all said “ORANGE!”

I was only going out to get my daughter some pineapple juice because it was suggested to be mixed with the Midori Melon Liqueur. Well guess what .. no pineapple juice at all in either large cartons or small ones in either one of the two local shops. TWO .. local shops! Never been into a shop and not been able to get pineapple juice .. ever!

But I ended up getting some Freddo chocolates and went to get orang juice in small cartons and guess what? Yup .. no orange either! I thought 'this is going to go well' because I knew that one would play up. The one that has now stopped her screaming demands about sleeping in her mothers bed after thirty times ..

.. oh and now the domestic abuser is on the phone from Walton Prison!

I can see the reactions of the news media and the nation now when this family comes apart at the seams or members end up dead one way or another “Oooh what a shame .. if only someone knew .. someone could have done something about it .. anything to help!”

Funny .. because I made sure that they did .. over and over and over again, lol.

It is kind of my very final social experiment to show that everybody talks bullshit .. well almost everybody. My estimation would be 99 out of 100.

I need, by my estimation, a few thousand people to see that which I set up and the hope is that, or what that, it would be placed around by others.

Help with domestic abuse do they?

Help vulnerable children do they?

Help with cancer do they?

Help with vulnerable young mothers do they?

Help with Autistic children do they?!

Do the jobs they are well paid to do properly do they?!

Like FUCK do they!!

I am still certain that he got a friend on the outside of prison to sabotage a brand new tyre .. that has stayed inflated for two weeks, but had which has gone down once.

My daughtter doubts these ideas but I said .. “Brand new Pirelli tyres do not fail on a Land Rover, nor do the replacements decide to lose over 20psi one minute and then not go down the next!”

There is more to the car, which I am now considering selling but .. I would be buggered getting my stuff back to London. Or getting it up from London .. whichever I end up doing.

But presently .. once we are into January and if nothing positive starts to change I am going to have to go back. To London.

I am not Superman, more is the pity .. and I am helping everyone out, even those that I am not related to .. and nothing comes back from anywhere of anyone.

The domestic abuser is on the phone demanding to be told that his soon to be ex-wife loves him .. another thing that has been doing my head in. After the second time the Police got involved and there was a break these people have a system that makes a mockery of British prisons.

Thinhs are not heading in a good direction and I can tell you that form this the local councils, Police and .. prison services will all be finshed .. that is if one or any combination are not already done for as it is?

Because if you have been coming here long enough I predicted all this five years ago and I stated very clearly and confidently that is was absolutely everywhere and I stated to the news media that they only need look at the Police, local councils, GP Surgeries and Hospitals closest to them to find the lies, tricks and corruption that are ruining the lives of those they swore on oath to protect and have gotten pretty decent salaries for over the years out of everyone's taxes.

I never made that phone-call about my prescription medication, they knew I had memory issues, I was not aware that it was Friday and yet I never got a call back .. did I?!

I guess the GP Surgery staff and health professionals feel they are more important than those they are tasked to help? Never looks that way when they appear on TV does it? Oh they are show how they care and express their concerns and yet for the first time ever I am without prescription medication to prevent death or shortening of my life over the Christmas period!

Effing marvellous.

All because I am doing all of that others are supposed to be going and are not.

I will like to bet you that I am the only effing one that moves things to the new house?! I bet that there are no other friends, family members or authorities anywhere to be seen?

What annoys me is that I know that what I have done will be claimed as complacency and therefore my own fault.

Except I have explained it over and over and over again on here .. memory issues, pains, skin conditions, chest issues blood pressure issues, blacking out issues and many others before going from boring but peaceful to hectic and an effing war zone!

Everyone I am involved with is screwing me from behind while everyone y daughter is involved with is screwing her from behind and no one gives a flying crap .. as long as they can make it look as if they are 'doing something'.

Well I am here to show the truth.

Quite unfortunately for them.

I have not got a long, long list of conspiracy theories .. I have a long, long list of the truth and .. something that could be labelled a conspiracy theory does not mean that it is not true.

I would not be stupid enough to spend well over five years making such bold and wild claims on my blogs and across the Internet if there was never a chance they would ever get proved by either me or someone else.

TV News media excluded from that last paragraph quite deliberately so.

I have been feeling better since around 8pm and not as groggy or as nauseous as before and yet I still have a cough. Still been coughing up yellow, at least it is not green, crap though.

For weeks I have waited for a sign or number of signs .. getting my PIP back .. flu to go .. or crowd funding to at least show that there is someone out there somewhere with a heart. Even a few off 50p donations woud have given us both hope .. but we still await anything from any of those things.

Though I have to get back to my flat to see if there is a letter from the court .. get my old drivers licence, yeah effing still, and logbook and send them off.

Still I have a load of things to do and a lot of it is likely down to this damned Aussie flu!

DOUBLE TROUBLE FLU

That's something of an understatement but it's a play around with a name going around the UK for a particular flu virus.

What I read kind of makes sense .. to a point. Or stated that there is a flu virus going around that affects you .. hmm didn't note a time, then a little while after you think it has gone out comes back with a vengeance?!

It certainly seems much more aggressive than it did previously and .. seems to be worse at night. It starts to play up a bit more when it's late but then wakes you up in agony early in the morning.

They called it 'Double Flu'.

Only .. well I've had what seems like three doses of flu, coughing right now.

First I had it fairly bad but variable for around five weeks .. then nothing for a couple days .. then mild dose for two or three days .. then a couple days break again and then four days back .. WHAM!!

Only things I had worse than this was what they called Swine Flu but that didn't last anywhere near this long. Ten days or so of I recall correctly?

Many years ago I contracted what they call Chinese Flu .. which lasted about three weeks .. which shocked me at the time as it was supposed to be ten days for colds and flues.

Now I've been affected for over five weeks which could be over eight of its the same virus?!

God help anyone is that contracts this strain!

THE COLD THAT STAYS

OK I have decided that after another bad night I have had enough.

I have either had three flu viruses over the last eight weeks or so or I have had the same virus with a couple of days break here and there before it comes storming back again?!

I am not one to go in anywhere when I have flu but this is ridiculous.

One of the kids has had something wrong and this may have been affecting her a couple of weeks? So much going on hard to keep track.

Anyway I a going to ring someone .. here in this strange land and see what they say, just it sure if it will be GP Surgery or '111' just yet.

I also checked online as I did not think that contracting three viruses in quick succession or having one that lasts 8 weeks is even possible.

Then I discovered something they are calling 'Aussie Flu' and they have been worried that it would come here and that one seems to linger.

Odd that there was a report of someone dying from it because it has felt like that a few mornings now but then it abates a little during the day.

Oh and I a in strange land, do not know the area or places .. or at least very few of them, have bad motion sickness and this damned anxiety .. God help me!