THE DAY IN HELL

I told my eldest grandson that there was day I was dreading. It was the same day and two days ago now.

It was the last day the children were at school, although one of them is only in nursery and not been in a couple of weeks.

I have seen a deterioration since I have been here.

I have been expecting blow up of sorts and half expected to be rushed to hospital myself .. if I go between the 28^th December and the 7^th January without being rushed into hospital, appointment on the 4^th January 2018 .. it will be nothing short of surprising.

I said there was a lack of help that I did not expect when I got here. Well it now appears to be worse that I thought.

The claims that the locals all help each other out around here are proving not to be the case, even the ones your related to.

A home move is supposed to take place in the coming days along with Christmas and a while bunch of hospital and Doctors appointments.

I have to take pills that stop complications that can have the effect of deterioration of my health and even premature death, though the latter I would welcome without pain. I have not only been missing those but have not gotten to the Doctors to have my blood pressure pills upped as ordered by the hospital .. that was only from the initial appointment out of four. Providing they do not add more appointments.

Well .. I have been ill too with this flu, though now my daughter has read about it in the Liverpool Echo local newspaper and the word is that it is the original 'Aussie Flu' I read about. I still bloody have it.

I also had not had a bath or shower in well over a week!! Might have been two with my short term memory problems? Things are just so hectic and with my memory problems and being stuck somewhere other than my flat where all my bath stuff and clothes are. I begs belief, even from me.

Each and every bloody time I end up not doing hat I need to do and because of three out of the four children.

Two autistic one and then a badly behaved and very loud, not to forget lying and crafty one, that drive you to distraction. And then some.

Yesterday was a chance to escape some of this with a family meal, though technically not my family, and some friends. I spent a few visit outside having a cigarette I so wish I could stop doing, dropping hints about the move. Nothing.

The two people I was look forward to seeing again, Alan and Linda, were not in attendance either.

Of course the older Autistic one did not sit still, complained about everything and as er usual was beaten by, not her younger Autistic sister, needy-boy. Just counting. Seven adults .. seven adults were in attendance and every single one of them told needy-boy to stop running around. I will let you take a guess as to whether he took any notice of anyone as all seven adults had told him this with many more than once. He was also the loudest and complaining that his food had not come yet! In an effing restaurant!

Older autistic one ea asked what she wanted for dinner .. “Ice cream!” Noo .. that is later .. what do you want for dinner?! “ICE CREAM!” and so the conversation went on.

Dinner arrives that she has eaten a hundred times and likes, fills the plate with a mountain of ketchup on her chips and onions rings .. pushes the dish away and says “Dun like it!!” which I have seen her trick beforehand when knows or thinks she will get what she originally wanted. Which was ice cream!

She flipped put upon returning to the house because she wanted ore ice cream.

Late that night a load of things were supposed to happen but did not and far too late we ended up playing Monopoly. Me, yung mum, eldest and needy-boy. Needy-boy the 5 year old performing because he wants to play Monopoly .. we ended up cheating and claiming he had to miss throws to speed things up as it was closing in on 1am. I had toothache I still have not sorted out yet. I also did not realise it was Friday .. even while at the family dinner I did not want to attend.

I did manage to have a shower and change my clothes .. something else that was just compounding my .. anxiety. As has the car but that is another story.

So it was getting late and I had this toothache and the one thing that I know is that if I do not get enough sleep .. I will suffer the following day and I am already run-down and have been for weeks now but seem to be getting to a tipping point. So I bailed out of the game which was taking too long, took some pain-killers and curled up on a sofa in the living room.

I awoke very early the next morning feeling .. not quite right and noticed someone was on the other couch. I did not realise it at the time and assumed it was my daughter and that need-boy and demanding devil-girl had hogged her bed yet again. But it turned out to be needy-boy, of course, with the idea of waking up on the couch making him feel like he is numero uno, he wants so desperately but cannot ever achieve with two younger and autistic sisters that are going to only get worse as they get older and bigger.

If the idea that these girls will only get worse and that there are two of them is not scary enough .. the fact that needy-boy will get bigger and more demanding has you just wanting to drop dead. Or leg it as far away as you can. We will see.

Suddenly I recall needing to use the loo .. stood up and almost fell over from nausea and as I walked cross a living room I had no plans on living in .. I had to lean against a wall to stop myself from going over altogether.

At some point there were stomach pains .. like trapped wind stomach pains that were pretty strong .. then I felt the need to vomit. Then before I knew it I had been in there for ages, was getting nervous about people waking up needing the loo at some point and suddenly bad diarrhoea, really bad diarrhoea.

The oddest thing was I had also spent an absolute age like I was passing out.

I had my tobacco on me so in these intermissions before things went bad again I would roll and then smoke a cigarette. Sometimes I had to place half of one on the radiator as things had gotten bad before I went into pain again. I was also still trying not to pass out especially so when I had a cigarette in my hands.

I had no key and so was worried about leaving the house in case the kids woke up and got out .. so that desperation to get to my own flat so I can suffer without being disturbed had t be quelled.

But after awhile I could hear the girls, who are shut in their own room for their own safety and our sanity, who eventually spoke quietly. So I thought mum was up and in a brief moment I thought I could finally escape the bathroom, then the house and get back to my flat. But upon coming down the stairs things were .. too quiet and the living room deserted. I was all over the place as I realised that everyone was still in bed .. I stood there momentarily before I then had to rush back upstairs to the toilet.

Yeah .. wouldn't have made it to the flat anyway.

Eventually I came out as everyone got up and though my initial toilet woes seem to be at an end .. others .. were not. I was still suffering and still trying not to pass out .. as I rolled a cigarette my daughter had requested and told her I was going to lie down for a bit on the eldest ones bed. One look at me and I was promised that the kids would be kept away from me.

It is 19.51 in the evening right now and I only found out twenty minutes ago that I was on the bed for 3 to 4 hours?! 'My bloody God!' I thought as I was told that.

The problem was that I was still not in the clear as I came around and was instead woken by a commotion. An argument was going on between the oldest and his mother that though I had predicted I did not expect for another 6 months at the very minimum but probably more like a year to 18 months.

The friction and stresses caused by the other three children, two autistic and one that thinks he is the centre of the universe stresses out all of us.

Though the cancer scares are only known and effect two of us.

The domestic violence seems to four of us like it is over and cannot return so once again .. that only affects the two of us.

The family that took my daughter away from me in the beginning? Yeah .. nowhere to be seen and the council has stated they do not trust one of them anyway. But then they an hardly talk because neither can they and they are only saying that because they sided with her, colluded with her and lost. In court too! Over and over.

The house was a complete mess .. there was excrement on the walls on the girl's bedroom, a tussle broke out between the oldest and his mother .. he had been placed in his room. I had gone downstairs and their was stuff all over the floor in the living room for the sixth time in 36 hours or so.

My had was still spinning, I was still nauseous .. I had been really ill, asleep for an unknown amount of time and wondering why I was not feeling as right as rain and wondered what the the feck had happened?!

All I could think is .. 'I can't do this!'

I had gone form the most boring existence on the face of the Earth while still having problems with health, pain and memory issues but still managing to try and make something of it. From that I had gone to the most hectic and one the most disastrous existences on the face of the Earth, short of a family all being murdered by a jealous and obsessive husband. Which itself still has it cards on the table.

As of this very moment a constant screaming can be heard from upstairs which is now a nightly thing and when I say 'screaming' I really do mean 'SCREAMING' and last night the mother was finally rewarded after two dozen refuses with a slap right across her face. The uber has now surpassed seven and when the door eventually closes you will get 30 minutes of that being screamed at the door and that will be followed by an hour of twanging the door handle and kicking the door. There is number eight. Oops nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve .. see how it goes?

After the eighth time I actually heard the answer of “Your NOT sleeping in my bed!”

Of course this was tried and failed. The demands for things just keep coming and as I stated before the slamming of a heavy chair against the bedroom floor comes when Cbeebies goes off.

Of course the other things is that the door is not locked and she does absolutely nothing that you ask her to .. quite the opposite in fact. Oddly enough her grandmother did that a lot with me and I told my daughter that when I remembered one day.

There is hyperpituitarism in the family too and I wondered if that kind of behaviour was down to that and that it has been combined with Autism making it appear to be turbocharged.

She would ask you for cereal and if there was two it did not matter which one you picked up .. every single time she would scream 'NO! The OTHER ONE!'

I came back from the shop earlier and they demanded sweets .. all three of them including the one that cannot string two words together. They know the words of the things they like .. or rather .. demand, that is for sure. I had told them I was not buying them sweets or chocolates as they had been naughty but would get them a drink .. to which they all said “ORANGE!”

I was only going out to get my daughter some pineapple juice because it was suggested to be mixed with the Midori Melon Liqueur. Well guess what .. no pineapple juice at all in either large cartons or small ones in either one of the two local shops. TWO .. local shops! Never been into a shop and not been able to get pineapple juice .. ever!

But I ended up getting some Freddo chocolates and went to get orang juice in small cartons and guess what? Yup .. no orange either! I thought 'this is going to go well' because I knew that one would play up. The one that has now stopped her screaming demands about sleeping in her mothers bed after thirty times ..

.. oh and now the domestic abuser is on the phone from Walton Prison!

I can see the reactions of the news media and the nation now when this family comes apart at the seams or members end up dead one way or another “Oooh what a shame .. if only someone knew .. someone could have done something about it .. anything to help!”

Funny .. because I made sure that they did .. over and over and over again, lol.

It is kind of my very final social experiment to show that everybody talks bullshit .. well almost everybody. My estimation would be 99 out of 100.

I need, by my estimation, a few thousand people to see that which I set up and the hope is that, or what that, it would be placed around by others.

Help with domestic abuse do they?

Help vulnerable children do they?

Help with cancer do they?

Help with vulnerable young mothers do they?

Help with Autistic children do they?!

Do the jobs they are well paid to do properly do they?!

Like FUCK do they!!

I am still certain that he got a friend on the outside of prison to sabotage a brand new tyre .. that has stayed inflated for two weeks, but had which has gone down once.

My daughtter doubts these ideas but I said .. “Brand new Pirelli tyres do not fail on a Land Rover, nor do the replacements decide to lose over 20psi one minute and then not go down the next!”

There is more to the car, which I am now considering selling but .. I would be buggered getting my stuff back to London. Or getting it up from London .. whichever I end up doing.

But presently .. once we are into January and if nothing positive starts to change I am going to have to go back. To London.

I am not Superman, more is the pity .. and I am helping everyone out, even those that I am not related to .. and nothing comes back from anywhere of anyone.

The domestic abuser is on the phone demanding to be told that his soon to be ex-wife loves him .. another thing that has been doing my head in. After the second time the Police got involved and there was a break these people have a system that makes a mockery of British prisons.

Thinhs are not heading in a good direction and I can tell you that form this the local councils, Police and .. prison services will all be finshed .. that is if one or any combination are not already done for as it is?

Because if you have been coming here long enough I predicted all this five years ago and I stated very clearly and confidently that is was absolutely everywhere and I stated to the news media that they only need look at the Police, local councils, GP Surgeries and Hospitals closest to them to find the lies, tricks and corruption that are ruining the lives of those they swore on oath to protect and have gotten pretty decent salaries for over the years out of everyone's taxes.

I never made that phone-call about my prescription medication, they knew I had memory issues, I was not aware that it was Friday and yet I never got a call back .. did I?!

I guess the GP Surgery staff and health professionals feel they are more important than those they are tasked to help? Never looks that way when they appear on TV does it? Oh they are show how they care and express their concerns and yet for the first time ever I am without prescription medication to prevent death or shortening of my life over the Christmas period!

Effing marvellous.

All because I am doing all of that others are supposed to be going and are not.

I will like to bet you that I am the only effing one that moves things to the new house?! I bet that there are no other friends, family members or authorities anywhere to be seen?

What annoys me is that I know that what I have done will be claimed as complacency and therefore my own fault.

Except I have explained it over and over and over again on here .. memory issues, pains, skin conditions, chest issues blood pressure issues, blacking out issues and many others before going from boring but peaceful to hectic and an effing war zone!

Everyone I am involved with is screwing me from behind while everyone y daughter is involved with is screwing her from behind and no one gives a flying crap .. as long as they can make it look as if they are 'doing something'.

Well I am here to show the truth.

Quite unfortunately for them.

I have not got a long, long list of conspiracy theories .. I have a long, long list of the truth and .. something that could be labelled a conspiracy theory does not mean that it is not true.

I would not be stupid enough to spend well over five years making such bold and wild claims on my blogs and across the Internet if there was never a chance they would ever get proved by either me or someone else.

TV News media excluded from that last paragraph quite deliberately so.

I have been feeling better since around 8pm and not as groggy or as nauseous as before and yet I still have a cough. Still been coughing up yellow, at least it is not green, crap though.

For weeks I have waited for a sign or number of signs .. getting my PIP back .. flu to go .. or crowd funding to at least show that there is someone out there somewhere with a heart. Even a few off 50p donations woud have given us both hope .. but we still await anything from any of those things.

Though I have to get back to my flat to see if there is a letter from the court .. get my old drivers licence, yeah effing still, and logbook and send them off.

Still I have a load of things to do and a lot of it is likely down to this damned Aussie flu!