ADD INSULT TO INJURY

It never rains but it pours.

It would appear that I had previously gotten my wires crosses and I am going to have to remember to delete this from my Facebook feed too.

his is regarding the first biopsy results which I thought had been returned to the Doctor's Surgery .. except I got a couple of tings wrong about that.

First off it turns out that .. they have not come back at all and only recently were the results back from testing to the clinic and that that they are not going to the GP surgery anyway.

It appear that .. she has not been discharged from the clinic .. which is what I had feared hearing in all this and .. they are going to ring her at some point.

I had been starting to wonder just how the results could say anything bad if the Doctor's Surgery had not phoned u continuously to get her to come in and even forced to tell her on phone that the results were positive .. just to scare her into moving her backside so they can set something up for it .. like a surgical procedure for example. Now I know why they have not called .. because they do not know.

She was also told that there was a backlog on biopsy tests?!

How the hell can you have a backlog on biopsy tests?! Unless they are now prioritising the afflicted by those who have money and those who do not?

So a biopsy backlog, no discharge from the cancer clinic and they have been trying to call her and now will do today to arrange for her to go back to the clinic .. if either of us with our failing short term memory issues and bombarded by difficult children does not cause us to forget.

But she never gives her old phone I gave her a chance to charge. She did have a better phone but the children broke that, a Samsung Galaxy S6 I bought her so that she would always have a charge in case she needed to ring someone in an emergency because of her difficult children, two with autism and one needy-boy that likes to play with things that are not his and has a history of breaking things.

Except .. they broke that.

An iPod has been broken.

Two XBox One controllers, one I bought just two months ago, have been broken.

I doubt many of the Christmas presents we have striven to acquire will last much more than a week .. maybe a month if we are lucky?

There are no restrictions here .. the house is unsuitable and too many children have free access to too many of things they should not. Each others things. Food. Bath and toilet even, do not even get me started!

This is the first real family Christmas for me in over twenty years and it is shaping up to be the absolute worst Christmas I will ever endure for a whole long list of reasons!

There simply is no respite .. EVER.

I keep on praying that this third flu virus will finally be the last one I am afflicted with for a long while, that after some testing on my heart they jump start it or give me a pacemaker that will stop the chest symptoms and, praying, anxiety and that warmer Spring weather will brig about less misery?!

My daughter and her friend just returned from Birkenhead town centre where they said not only was it quiet considering it is Christmas but that the taxi driver stated that he had "had enough". It is too quiet in Birkenhead now .. he is not making any money and he was going to leave for pastures new.

I was shocked at that .. they was shocked too.

Convinces me even more that .. this would not be the best pace in the world to remain whether the biopsy results were positive OR negative.

I must admit to dreaming a little when I set up the crowd funding. I imagined what it would be like if I was able to buy a house in the countryside in Cheshire that was not only suitable but more peaceful and in any other borough than that of The Wirral. It was not realistic but it was a nice thought. A brief glimpse of a possible peace. An ending that did not involve ending up in the tabloids or the news when it is far too late as always seems to be the case.

Not knowing can be really painful.

Not knowing abut a coupe of things can be .. distracting.

Not knowing about three test results, what the authorities will do to help the four children and two autistic ones .. the extra financial help, if the not quite suitable house will be helpful in some way (she changed her mind again and is moving now), the test results I face, why I am not getting my full Universal Credit and if that will ever change, whether I will get my PIPS back, how will I cope if anything untoward happens to my daughter. How can I cope with raising these four children .. will my car breakdown before any of this gets sorted out?

The list of stressful thoughts just goes on and on and on.

Will I ever get to a stage where this pace feels like home if I have to stay?

Will I ever get back to the photography I had planned to do to add to my blogs?

Will my blogs ever pay me an income in the future to help me survive? To help me cope?

Will the Work & Pensions Select Committee work and, if so, in time?

Will Frank Field MP do anything to help and, if so, in time?

Will the crowd funding campaigns work and, if so, in time?

Will the Patreon account ever work and, if so, in time?

On and on and on.