THE NEXT LIFE

Oh death you are always near

To start you always brought me fear

A long time now I'm calm at your presence

Pain and anguish have me feeling your essence

To long to not hope for a better tomorrow

To long for the days there is no more sorrow

I sometimes look for an enveloping mist

For death to come would feel a gift

Yeah I had a bad morning.

But this was more a return to the bad anxiety which after our recent positives and respites in surprised I had.

It feels as I walk around that my chest will just give up at any time.

But I long for the moment when I got the floor.

For too long now and to many times I've felt like this and it grinds and grinds.

Eventually it comes where you find no resolve and all are gone off the ideas to solve.

A shame then that it was good to think that those with good hearts would spread the links.

I have had views of my crowd funding .. but waiting for the numbers that would really mean something.

Some positivity is all it would take .. that it won't be long to take that cake.

Being confident is all I wish for and all my funding is intended for be for.

Mental note: Next time start blogging at ten years old!

Despite feeling better about some things .. I still have three months before my time runs out and in that time recoup around £5,000 plus I have spent.

Otherwise I wont be able to help any longer .. if the crowd funding sites at JustGiving or GoFundMe or my Patreon account does not start working.

I pity anybody that feels like I do and I long to be among some hippy type community where people feel as I do.

If anyone knows of anywhere like that let me know .. because I may need them in time .. if I cannot remain here and have no funds left to return to London or the Home Counties!

It is funny that a top disability solicitor from Mary Ward Legal and a friend who was a social worker for 25 years in the same borough as Camden both said I deserve for things to work out.

Oddly I await to see if the solicitor gets my Personal Independent Payments back .. in which case I recoup the money I lost straight away because they owe £6000 odd.

The Fibromyalgia Groups said I should be on it.

The A&E Hospital staff state I should not have been taken off it.

Mary Ward Legal said I should not have been taken off it.

It has worsened my condition since I was taken off it and now affects my heart as well as my old enemy of anxiety that ha me praying for death.

I just want my family to be safe, life easier for my daughter and not to die of cancer, which wold leave me as the sole carer for four grandchildren, and go about doing what I planned to do and spent over £20,000 doing before they unfairly pulled every single rug from under me.

There were at least four rugs pulled form under me and an agreement they went back on at the thirteenth hour!