WHAT A DAY WITH NO DAYDREAMS

Jesus .. I feel .. strange.

This was after feeling really bad this morning and the Doctors called and asked me to go in within the hour.

I was feeling crap and the surgery not far so I walked .. or hobbled to be precise. Not that bad though because I don't do much walking. Not regularly anyway so it's easier when I do.

I was in begging mode .. didn't see the same Doctor as last time. This one was reserved. He seemed like an OK guy though.

He didn't seem to think I had the flu and thought it might be something else? Probably because of the amount of time I have had it?

I got some more Diazepam and he prescribed Venlafaxine, which was weird because Venlafaxine was prescribed some years ago but don't remember it doing much, other than done rotten withdrawal symptoms I had never had before on any other pill. Or maybe I have but didn't link them at the time or just can't remember?

Came back to the house and my ex was here, of forgotten that she was coming. Some deep cleaning was going on .. well a little.

She said she couldn't understand how bad it gets here and I said that is impossible. You can't keep anything tidy anywhere. Only for about thirty minutes and it looks the same.

I had a little trouble sorting out my pills before taking them. My ex didn't want me to do much, obviously realising or told I was at the Doctors.

She wanted me to go to the tip though but .. I'd just passed on driving due to hire I felt and had to hospital appointments within two hours.

It was kinda cold ... that miserable type cold temperature where it's just low enough to be bothersome.

At the hospital I had to concentrate hard because I wanted to pass out the whole time.

When I was being scanned I thought I was going to pass out??

Anyway had the monitor fitted, told what button to press in the event of an episode.

But upon returning I feel asleep. That's not like me to fall asleep during the day. But lack of sleep and over half a dozen pills probably had an effect on me.

The worry now is .. shifting a lot of things about which is imminent and now told there's a time limit.

Bit awkward timing really, what with three appointments imminent.

I found out that more people closer to home are reading my blog which I did no expect nor have I had it happened in the past. Before I moved here that is.

The problem came from the posting to Facebook, which was going through my Twitter feed and have now turned off.

FROM WHERE IT REMAINS SAFE

I have been feeling somewhat ... rushed and out of time of late and this may have shown in my posts, sorry about that.

For one thing I have an electrocardiograph strapped top me which I thought at first was going to be an electroencephalograph because that made more sense. So I was calling it an EEG and electroencephalograph to start with. Then I realised it was actually an ECG they were fitting and I called it that but then kept stating electroencephalograph instead of electrocardiograph. Lol.

I know full well that cardio means the heart but at first I thought it would be my brain waves as like I said to a nurse ,"Why fit me with this thing after telling me to take the pills that stops the episodes from occurring?"

I was told that it would still pick things up? Umm yeah, what and how? I always need the specifics so In understand what is going on and anything else is just vague to me.

Like for instance I was always told that they have to check my heart regularly now? Oh? They do? Well when is this supposeed to start because it has not started yet. I have had a trace taken by two hospitals, I think as it may be only one, and by one emergency paramedic at my house.

Yeah when you use the term regular ... that tends to imply ... well regular and that the location would be the same, or more specifically the people or testers. I have not had a heart trace performed by either the same location or even the same people yet. Unless I get to the stage where I have been tested three times in the same location I would not call anything 'regular'.

But ... if I drop dead then they are covered because their records would show that they tested for shit and right now I am undergoing that testing despite the fact I have cut the episodes down to nothing by taking my blood pressure pills again.

Except ... these blogs exist and if I ever drop dead ... well, God help them! Lol.

I also have been buggered up with my regular meetings with this ... business dude and now I am told I have to go for some other .. tests. Oddly this new test is one I have very much wanted to attend and it now looks like I will, fingers crossed.

This test is a big feature for my blog and ... ooh boy ... has it come at the absolutely best time ever? Lol.

But ... it gives me more to do and think about and ... this ECG monitor is bloody annoying as I am continuously checking to see if the pads are still attached! Repeatedly. Also I am to press I button I will never press as I am supposed to do this when I experience an episode I will not have.

I told the nurse that I should design and build these mobile machine of theirs as the design leaves a lot to be desired. The pads do not attach all that well and if they come loose ... there is no little alarm or beep to let you know!

As I am being rather busy you can imagine that there stands a good chance of the pads loosening and indeed they certainly have at least once. The rest of the time one or other of the pads feels like they are being pushed and I am continuously pressing down on my jumper because I think one of them might have been pulled free. 

#Facepalm!

It would help if I knew the answer to just two questions that I have been waiting for since early January for something that takes a maximum of 12 weeks. We remain in the dark on that one.

Anyhow ... those involved in handling it told us that they would keep us informed. Yeah well ... just like my explanation of the word 'regular' that word comes to the fore once again when you are told you would be kept informed. When we get a second set of data sent to us then you can lay claim to keeping people informed. Instead of waiting with absolutely no idea at all I have decided to make the first move and ask. I then find out just the following day that one other of us asked a couple of days before. They had received nothing in four days.

Unfortunately for those sending communiques stating what they will do they know little about emails being proof and do not seem to even apply that to letters they send. They are also completely oblivious, though I may have mentioned it, that I am familiar with the governing bodies in these case and have no qualms about contacting them, should I feel the need to.

I think after about a week of hearing nothing I will start to get this urge to contact regulators and the like?

If there is one thing that anyone coming here long enough has noticed ... it is that I do like to kick up a God awful stink when I think people are not doing their jobs, are acting highly suspicious or even corrupt.

Or as I would actually want to happen maybe I will get the two answers I need right now so that I can continue on with my planning and stop stressing out about it. Because as the days go by I will be getting more and more stressed out about it. I would say that by about mid May on hearing nothing I will likely be close to exploding.

Hmm .. I wonder? Did I mention to them that I have these blogs?

Well ... they are solicitors so the divulging of being a blog author will likely mean very little to nothing to them?

Anyway ..

And oh this is a good one!

I read this the other night but then forgot about it, well I do have memory problems you know?

An Italian prosecutor told someone in an interview that he had evidence of charities colliding to get people into Europe from North Africa, Syria etcetera etcetera.

Never considered the possibility but now hearing this it would not surprise me too much. I did think that this was something I should have foreseen myself.

I will tell you what it is though ... annoying and bloody highly annoying at that.

I would like to say a couple of things to brain dead idiots and morons like this...

Why don't you go to these countries and go up to the government's and tell them they have to treat their people better?

Anyone see that last Rambo film they did with the ignorant and stupid bible bashers? Did this report sound anything like that?

No, what they do is stand in a country that is safe and hold their arms out to a bunch of backwards, dangerous and murderous people and tell them to come to a country where they can carry out their crimes and the punishment is nothing like that which they would receive in their own country.

I won't go into details or the funny misunderstanding that went on, I have talked about it on here, but I've had foreigners I've been friendly with on the Internet tell me that we are being stupid and naive and letting on the crap no one else wants. They all said we need to stop and they much of the world has had a great deal of respect for Britain but that this had been waning.

That was eight years ago.

God only knows, with everything that has come out, the corruption, the lies and the exodus of immigrants, what those foreigners think of this country now?!

I'd be scared to hear their answers today.

I'm sorry but if your that stupid and/or naive you should not be allowed to work for a charity like that.

I also think it's a terrible beach of their positions to decide they know better and make decisions that ultimately cost innocent lives of people in the UK.

If you think for one second that they don't cost lives ... well don't state it in front of me because I will burst out laughing.

I cannot think of a single occasion where I thought the actions of a charity has possibly cost the lives of the British public.

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Italy migrant crisis: Charities 'colluding' with smugglers - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-39686239

THE DAY OF DREAD

Well it is 8.04am and I have been researching on the Internet since around 6.30am.

After my initial anxiety dying down around 5pm yesterday and my legs seemingly feeling normal again I have awoken to another anxiety attack.

I have a GP appointment today and I had hoped after my legs stopped working yesterday that this morning would be like yesterday morning when I had very little anxiety that I could handle . It is just about typical that things would be so random. So I am somewhat worried that I will get to the GP but he did ring me yesterday and when I told him I was worried about getting there he told me not to worry about it and he would call me if I was not at the surgery when my appointment came around.

I would rather get there though as the very idea of a pill that could switch this off or at least make it manageable is just too much of a draw to ignore. Though he could prescribe them over the phone, I guess, and leave a prescription there for me to pick up.

I do have the ECG and other test result to hand to him though and still have to get there.

One of the worst things for my anxiety and probably highly likely for everyone's anxiety is the sitting around waiting. Distractions are a wonderful thing if you can do them and focus on them, though this is not always possible.

I am also still several hours away from my appointment time and once upon a time and for around 5 to 7 years this time of the morning was completely unknown to me. Another thing I have I always put down to the Fibromyalgia, as it is a lack of restorative sleep problem, is my sleep patterns. I would without a single exception not get asleep until 3am to 5 or even 6am and then wake up around 11am. For months on end without fail. Then one day around 18 months back it flipped about and I started waking up at 7am to 8am. Since the anxiety started this has gotten earlier and normally sometime after 4am until around 6.30am without fail.

At first this was handy as I could get out on my bike much earlier and be out while things were quieter for several hours and get a lot of photography and filming done. Better as well to come across animals and wildlife I wanted to film too. Except … we have had one pretty crap summer, 2015, and the first half of this summer has been either very cloudy or raining.

As I told a friend yesterday I was walking along the day before and a young woman in her late twenties was walking along chatting on the phone and I heard her tell someone “It's crazy, its either very cloudy, raining and then the sun comes out for a bit and then goes back to raining!” lol.

Tell me about it!

I never got an answer from Mind and now I have something else to tell them when they do reply and I am hoping that something can be arranged with them as regards a visit. I am eager to speak to anyone who may have experience with others of these problems.

Speaking if which I was reading a forum on UK Fibromyalgia, was not aware of them before, and I remember seeing people saying how happy they were at finding others with the same thing, the failing legs as I have just experienced. I have seen people say things like this before and always think it is odd. Imagine me saying …

“Oh I have this thing that is so dreadful and a living hell and I am so glad that other people are afflicted with this nightmare like condition too!”

Lol. Such an odd thing to say. I have always said I am sorry to find others with the conditions I have but that I do find it somewhat reassuring. But only in the event it has not been diagnosed and re-assuring that it might be or that I have just found out what it is and can tell a GP. Lol.

Wondering whether to go to my friend's store for a mug of tea or two before the appointment, as it is half way there, or just wait it out and go straight there? I think the anxiety may make my mind up for me unless it suddenly drops off the way that it does? I have found, however, that it never really drops off when I am just sitting around. Living alone does not help.

Even the paramedic chatted about me living alone and having no one. I told her that it has been a bane lately because your left to your own thoughts and depending on how you feel that is not always a good thing. Come to think of it it is rarely a good thing! If I had a partner there would be no fighting over the TV remote … because I do not watch TV, lol! There is never anything on TV any more and has not been for ages. I cannot abide trash TV, reality shows and talent shows. I simply cannot and do not like soap operas either.

I like science and animal documentaries but these are so few and far between it is not worth it and with my memory loss I never used to remember when they were on anyway and always miss them. Would need a TV with one of those EPGs with a reminder option. But then who looks weeks ahead on an EPG for the rare one off documentaries anyway?

I used to like Castle but I hear that is now ended. Used to like Person Of Interest too but could never remember when it is on, seen only four episodes or so and not in sequence. CSI I liked but these have all stopped. NCIS is still going but changed somewhat. Did like Doctor Who but that is filmed less than it used to be and by all accounts changed somewhat too.

I wonder what drug will be prescribed to me? I wonder if it will turn out to be Propanalol, if I remember the name correctly? I have had this before, some years back and do not remember it doing much last time but my sister swears by it. He did say 'beta-blocker' which is odd as one ex GP stated it was a beta-blocker that would stop over-sweating. Two birds with one stone? I should be so lucky!

What is the betting I get a phone-call just about when I am due to go in to see the GP? I have very little to do and struggle to fins things, hence my blogs, but I always get calls at the most awkward times.

I am also finding it bloody strange that with the amount of research I have done and owning the best book in the world on Fibromyalgia, Figuring Out Fibromyalgia by Ginevra Liptan, that I had not come across the weak legs syndrome before. Worrying the first web-page I found, I edited in late on a previous post, mentions its frequency can vary all the way up to persistent! NOT GOOD! I guess I might have just skipped over it and forgot it because it never occurred with me?

I am tending to lean towards it being linked to Fibromyalgia, by causing anxiety so strong your legs shut down, a bad thing. For this means I am likely to get it again and it could end up permanent? If it was a side effect to a drug you can just stop taking the drug or switch to another one. All the drugs I get I have been on for ages anyway so I think it would have shown up within weeks or even days of taking anything new?

Oh and I have done a little research on the test results I have here and wondering what the GP will say about them as they seem to list a couple of things of which one might be down to my high blood pressure, sinus tachycardia, possible left anterior fascicular block, left ventricular hypertrophy and later ST-T abnormality... for those budding medical trainees that like these things ..

THE FINAL CURTAIN PART TWO

I finally got to Barnet Hospital's Accident & Emergency department yesterday. It went well... eventually.

I was told a couple of tests and its over. To overcome the boredom I typed out a narration of sorts below...

Well I am currently in Barnet Hospital's Accident and Emergency and as I told reception I am for days late getting here.

Well I say I am in A&E but the sign in the wall says urgent care centre?! I have been to Barnet two or maybe three times but have never been to the A&E before yet I remember an incident with a headphone silicone ear piece but that was nowhere near this department. This is at the very rear of the hospital, guessing facing west? The waiting room has dressing faces two directions and before me is a door starting 'Urgent Care Centre' above it where nurses and other plain clothed people emerge and call out patients names.

Confusingly there is a door to the immediate right of me that appears to have a waiting room? No sign above the door describing it and I cannot help but wonder if that is the A&E waiting room?

Of much more interest to me which had me raise an eyebrow is that on either side of the door to the unknown waiting room is a A4 laminated sign staying that patients and visitors are not allowed to photograph and film the hospital. Ooh yes it's so tempting to pull my phone out and photograph that as I imagine the ironic nature that particular post would have. But I cannot be bothered this time around... but that can suddenly change.

I paused there for a moment because I heard a ruckus. It says a woman's voice followed by a man's. I then looked up and see a lady in grey saying "I told you I hurt my back!" followed by a portly gentleman with his hands behind her shepherding her towards the exit. She stated that she had no money for a taxi and he stated it was 'bit his problem!' Hmm 'Lady in Grey' sounds like a good title for the post? 

I don't know what the problem was but I had to feel for her. The waiting room is fully packed and it was embarrassing. Especially when the large gentleman said what he did. I hate waiting if it turns out to be a long time. They should give you badges with your name on on big letters and then you could listen to music. But then again as I find is always the case and never been able to figure it out, that is that they can call out the names and never get an answer? Sometimes this could be two or three names in a row?!

Also quite peculiar today and changing the subject slightly is the weather. It is incredibly warm and I have a tee shirt on and could easily have worn shorts! Well it is somewhere around the 26th or 27th October, I'm an idiot and is the 27th! It is apparently going to stay like this for stay days while I understand that Scotland has been pummelled with excrement heavy rain and still is! I dare say the news and tabloids will be awash with stories, pictures and films of people being flooded out? They do love a dreadful heartbreaking story but only if it comes with great visuals and not too serious or big that you rock the boat too much and upset those they are affiliated with who hasn't very deep pockets and want to keep them this way.

That was just a little pop at the news media there and I am not quite sure how many more of those I am going to be able to make? Hopefully I might know by the time I have this this little post.

That peculiar sign has large font for the words "No photos, please" before it goes on to explain you cannot film either. Very odd.  Cannot help but wonder if this is because of me? After all this was ground zero for the early stages and I think might have been the first actual hospital I recorded before moving on to others like St. Michael's, Royal Free, Guy's and others. Though now I think about it it cannot be as that would have to be Chase Farm, surely?

Still it is close enough to ground zero to be a extremely likely factor?

Damn, I should have made a note of what time I came in here. I am also annoyed at one of my own and rare oversights that has only just occurred.

There seems to be no Wifi in the hospital either which is very bizarre? There are a couple of the usual BT Wifi hotshots that want you to pay £4 for a bloody hour?! Hmm mauve if I had ordered the BT Affinity I could log onto them for free? Double damn!

Also one reason I took so long is I needed a bath before I came up here which I only managed to force to do this morning. However I am stuck with someone that makes me want to put on a Peter Griffin voice while standing in his kitchen conversing with his son Chris while trying to work with daughter Meg on the animated comedy called 'Handy Quacks" by standing up and saying then shouting "She's got BO, SHE'S GOT BO!!" before hiding being the back of my chair! Lol. I do not know what the gendre of the source of the dreadful BO is as they are behind me somewhere and looking won't make the smell evaporate. Lol.

It feels like I have been here an hour and ten minutes have passed by since I first realised I had not logged the time. Ooh but now I seem to remember looking at my watch after I got off the bus and it was just after 2pm.

So just over an hour then and all I can think of doing to pass the time away is type this out! Suffering sticklebacks!

I am also being bugged by Android while doing this because as well as the usual spelling corrections it gets wrong and the changing of words into this that do not exist and typing out 'I' to which it mostly changes into another vowel Android seems to think its a word,  like 'O'  and 'U' it keeps stopping my typing to tell me that the 'Play Service has stopped responding'!

Oops just got called in, ticked off for not going in sooner and the words I expected to hear which I thought were the words I was sure did not want to alarm me with...' STOMACH CANCER'. So now my second wait until a nurse calls me to do some tests.

Yeah to be honest I did not want to put the words of the number one suspect at the very top of the list online. Because it may have been something else to what I was originally thinking, while also different to what the Doctor was thinking.

Colitis and Crohn's Disease were two suspects on the list with a few others but I had ruled the out basepoint the symptoms I had missing from their list.

Also I had long suspected my Uncle had died from this and I heard it was bad but kept quiet. Each time I was heaving up vomit and excreting razor blades from my rear I remembered my grandmother telling me how her father died of it and it was pretty bad.

So my Uncle and my Great Grandfather in the branch I studied carried the Fibromyalgia genetics, died of Stomach Cancer?

This was far too much a coincidence and you can imagine what theory? Right for annoyed there with Android and went into settings to override their smug faces and attitudes... well was going to say I stopped all their 'Play Services' but the message came up again. Hence why I did smugness because they know jack shit but think they know better then everyone else in the world?

That master race shit again.

Turned off Wifi now see if that stops it happening? I like the way they do not offer you the report feature, like saying "oh no, it can't possssssibly be our software at fault?! Other people's Apps maybe but not ours, no way.!" Lol.

When I returned to the waiting area I was greeted with the sight and sounds of someone trying to be revived! A nurse shouting a name at an unconscious lady in a wheelchair with the family standing their and as I found another seat I looked up to see her being wheeled away.

I hope nothing untoward happens though her family did not appear to be overly concerned.

I have just seen portly boy walk through and out the door and turns out he is security.

Hmm just looked at the clock and I wonder how long there is to wait and whether or not there will be another wait as well as the pondering about whether I will have to stay.

Oddly enough this is the first time in my life I have ever walked into hospital with things in my bag in case I am kept in. My Inguinal Hernia operation does not count and I just realised that I was not supposed to stay in over night on that one but did.

I actually had to fumble things a bit too with the recording device as I did not want to leave it on as I could be here a long time. Added to this though I did bring back up battery power I did not think about a plug in charger! Moron!

A bit worrying is I have had few a few twinges of abdominal pain too and do not want the incident like the other night to repeat itself. I forgot to ask the Doctor I saw of the was somewhere quiet and secluded I could wait! Moron!

Someone is concerned and complaining about someone and is a lady soaking about her mum I think. Cannot help wonder if it's that lady in grey?

Luckily the pain is on and off and only mild. If it stays like this is nothing.

Oops, got called in again. Also fumbled again too! Still nothing untoward say said and oddly I now find myself waiting for a third time? Bizarre and I do not think I have ever had to wait three times before? I am sure of it.

On this occasion I had my blood pressure taken and my temperature. I also find out that the Paramedic that arrived at my house say an emergency response unit they send ahead in emergencies in case someone is legally dying and to make sure that they do not. 

I asked how long he had worked at the hospital and he said six years. He asked, once again, both what was happening, umm, and why I had not come sooner? UMM, feeling mule a stuck record here and that's when I explained that I had phoned '111'and had an ambulance act to me. Plus I previously thought this was Fibromyalgia and once again explained me theory. The first Doc, I just remembered, said Fibromyalgia dies not cause Diarrhea and I said "Oh yes it does Doc, trust me on that and it can cause consultation too! I know it's poorly understood by a great many Doctors and I have a high amount of knowledge in this area."

While I was typing that paragraph there was an announcement over the loudspeaker by the hospital staff who asked in a very sarcastic manner, which I thought was not only funny but a waste of time, when suddenly two Arab speaking...gentlemen who got up to move their car! Lol!

Oops called in again just as I moments away from explaining that I have to have some blood tests along with an ECG. The ECG mention raised my eyebrow again and any more people might mistake me for Roger Moore?!

Oh the previous nurse just popped his head around the curtain and said "Oh! Your here? Blood?" "Yes" I replied and he said "Good!"

I am now telephoned to a seat in the waiting area again. The very lovely nurse told me that my ECG was normal, as this was performed by her in there, and when I asked what it was for she stated my heart rate was high, odd as I did not notice anything myself and told her that. I am not scared nor nervous in anyway so it should not be high. Though as I was walking back to the waiting area I did think that maybe this had something to do with me feeling hyped up, hard wired and fidgety all the time?

I have put this dien to the Fibromyalgia and oddly is something I have wanted to bring up with my new GP but keep forgetting to! Bum and bugger!

Hmm now there seems to be a Policeman here sitting next to a guy and listening to him tell a story. Oh in actual fact and in a unintended sexist fashion I failed to see the the Policeman is actually sitting in front of him to the left and immediately left of him sits a tiny Policewoman. My apologies if anyone reading this are themselves a Policewoman. If it's you reading this your very cute! Lol.

Well I say Police but they could be those plastic Police? But I can see their numbers on their shoulders and I doubt the Plastics would handle finding out how someone ended up in hospital?

So a look at the clock again and this time it is 4.42pm and I sit here waiting for the big one. The test result that tells me whether or not I have stomach cancer. I think the nurse was surprised I knew what they suspected? Well it's not rocket science and before I even turned to the Internet and '111' the right had occurred to me. Like I said I thought I was dying I was in that much pain and would not have liked anyone I was related to, to witness what I was going through. God of I had a partner that genuinely cared about me I dead to think of putting someone through that! Watching me in these moments.

A little nugget there as I always find a way to get one in and so easy to do with my life, lol.

I find myself right now in a similar moment to one I lived a decade ago.

I looked up and suddenly wondered at being called. The caller of my name would have my test result and if positive have something of a burden out upon them. I suddenly flashed back to the vision of my father arriving at Chase Farm Hospital in an ambulance. He had sadly had already died and I did not get told this so did not know. I saw his eyes as the trolley he was in went by and the thought he may be dead crossed my mind. An Eon seemed to go by before I felt a hand in my shoulder from someone who walked by me while focusing hard not to make sure contact with me. I will never forget the look on their faces as I followed them into 'The Quiet Room' and sat me down. One half of me was telling myself I was imagining things but was beaten down by the intelligent side.

Well I just got called in again and had my heart rate checked again as well as my stomach using a stethoscope and horror of horrors while the blood results are still wanting they want to do thread dreaded finger probe of death and embarrassment! Noooo, suddenly stomach Cancer dies not seem ask that bad?! Lol.

Damn it?! Now I have Peter bloody Griffin in my head doing his prostate exam!

Damn it! I got to the word 'prostrate' adove and he returned and I have in. Bizarrely it hurt but there was nothing of concern. My word I am desperate to find out what this is and put a stop to it! Like I told an anaesthetist once , "I don't care if you kill me, just don't cause me any body pain!" to which she said "and don't disk like that you will be fine!"  My only operation to study of my first Inguinal Hernia.

My teleportation is working over time as while typing out that last paragraph I find myself bash in the waiting room for the.... umm third time? Wait! No the fifth time! Lol. A bit shocked to see it is dark outside too. It is 5.15pm.

The latest Doctor who did the prostate exam thing.... brrrr.... told me that he did not think it was anything to worry about before then telling me he had requested a 'new' blood test to add to the others, or other? He then stated that I would have to go back to the GP, too late to make an appointment now, and be referred off to endoscopy as my oesophagus could be causing bleeding. That's new!

So I am still babbling away like a moron on my tablet pc using the word processor on my OfficeSuite Pro App (note to self :have you any idea how bloody boring you have sounded?!).

Well I assume the blood tests, or blood test, will rule out the stomach Cancer?

Damn it! Now I have teleported again only this time includes three stop offs after some quite unexpected things happening, or actually to be more descriptive being told.. or asked.

I get called in by the rather charming and extremely nice nurse I met earlier and I'm not complaining. Then she tells me they want some more tests and I think his odd this is as I was told that the blood test results would be the last and I'm outta here?! The right I would be kept in had long since evaporated and I was trying to remember nearby shops that might do Oyster Card top-ups because I cannot remember... no wait I think it was £1.55? Will I half better check. But I get asked for a urine sample, though this could be something shady by the hospital or rather NHS bosses? I then get told I need to go for an X-Ray too and for a few seconds I am confused and utter "X-Ray? Oh!" as I realise it's over me suspecting I had broken my own rib or torn ligaments/tendons away from one. So a quick visit to the lavatory and now I am in a different waiting room while they get preheated beige calling my name. Well I say that because there s only one person here waiting and may have anyway been called? While sitting here the petite Policewoman and her partner along with the chap they are escorting about have come in and sat down to my left.

I have already handed the request firm to someone while leaning on the door frame of a quite peculiar reception. The chap before me had been called in so not long hopefully and I will be outta here?!

Yup done and I'm back to the original waiting room for the... hmm again. Hopefully not long now and my daughter had text me so I better answer.

Whoa that was quick. The finger of death called me back in before long. Turns out I am OK add far as sudden death is concerned. Which is bloody handy because I was worried about going under any general anaesthetic in hospital as I would have had to have made some phonecalls to do with this blog in case anything... let's just say untoward happened. I had not actively put anything in place in case my number ever came up. I just kept putting it off.

I explained what happened to my daughter who then read the message that I actually had stomach Cancer and I just to quickly correct her. I did not want to tell anyone what the tests were for especially my daughter who had a mother who went through that worked her way through the A to Z of cancers over around ten years or more. With literally one that she actually told me she had she is doing exceptionally well with it. I was told about it umm, let me see 9 years ago? Apparently 75% of those suffering with this untreatable cancer do not make it beyond five years. Yup she is doing well.

So yes I hardly wanted to do that to my daughter. Of course once the tests were in I could explain why.

I'm in the clear where death is concerned. But there is still the diagnosis to discover. I wonder if it was a combination of things? Two things could explain the symptoms and I had never thought of this earlier. The bleeding from the oesophagus seems to be the favourite presently and maybe my original thought of food poisoning? Maybe the latter could have caused the former for instance? I had better be extremely careful with my diet for awhile. Which is a pain in the arse thing to do without help in all honesty. Literally physical help as well as financial, hence just one of many reasons I have battled with the DWP for years.

Despite my all clear I could not help but think of all those that do get diagnosed with stomach cancer. I never looked into it in any depth but it enough to scare my grandmother half to death and fear Doctors and hospitals fire the next fifty years. I don't know if he was still alive while my father was a child but my Dad had the exact same fears. This also extended to dentists.

Therefore I was a bit of a surprise to them at first my ability to endure pain and then think nothing of going to a Doctors, Dentists or hospital when it got too much. There was a situation or two they saw me in baits bad states due to hospital ops that had them convinced I would then develop an aversion.

Not going to Doctors led to them dying before their time, though there were other... factors involved too.

I cannot imagine enduring that amount of pain that I did for too long. If this is what is involved with Stomach Cancer I am amazed it due bit get more media attention. But then maybe drugs today are a lot better at keeping the pain down?

Oh I just remembered that my X-rays were clear so I can go back, at least I think I can,  to stating that I have never broken a bone. Lol.

The can gets kicked further down the long and dusty road. 

Wow I typed it something to make Tolstoy blush while I was in hospital and I did not even start immediately! Lol. Imagine if I'd been there a few days?