THE VARIOUS PAINS

Well .. I am having a few issues .. still but before I get into them here is the first shocker ..

Recall seven weeks or more back I said that this house was being turned upside down for maintenance work? That was to first take two weeks .. then they said it might be three .. then they said it might be four?

Well .. today was the last day after around seven or eight weeks. Except they did not turn up!

And let me tell you in no uncertain terms ..

.. the workmanship is absolutely shit and I am not the only one to notice either. They have done things I simply cannot believe they have done. There painting as left runs all over the fucking place and not enough coats put on either. The floors have been done all wrong too and the sinks, bath and toilet? Cheapest nastiest crap you could buy.

The worst part about it as it turns out, well the person of the house got this and everything else wrong regarding this maintenance work, they only worked on three rooms. No, no I am ot kidding here .. three rooms. It gets better ..

Toilet is like 3 feet by 6 feet. The bathroom is not very big as 6feet by 6 feet. Leaving the biggest room the kitchen and that is round 10 feet by 7 feet. Seven to eight weeks. Two tiny rooms and one average room.

I have not even seen my expensive professional camera since before the damned work started .. though I have had little opportunity to take it out.

My health has been driving me crazy and worrying me when it comes to venturing far due to my heart doing somersaults. I have had to opportunities and one of those was at a friends house taking pictures of his animals, mainly frogs and tadpoles.

I have not found my clippers yet, despite now having thought I had moved all my stuff back in here and yes before you think it .. I did try and keep things back but .. well it is the person here they just never think and have no consideration are not very bright but insists they are always right.

Last night and after I wrote everything previous .. I had an issue.

I had previously had some slight aching in my thigh muscles, despite being absolutely sure this time I had taken both the magnesium and the B-complex pills. Remember nothing else. So I have not been taking the Lansoprazole for about ten weeks as I have now read that PPI Inhibitors as supposed to deplete magnesium with long term use.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5645624/

Remember unless it is a lying member of the NHS who falsify test results and alter letters riddled with omissions .. everyone else is a quack! They will probably attempt to do the same over the National Institute for Health, America's version of the NHS, which is what the link above takes you to.

Yeah so yesterday I was basically emotionally assaulted by two people in my room who were very obviously wrong. I spoke to one person I know on the phone who knew them well and I spoke to my daughter and explained what had happened and neither of them could believe what was happening here. There is no one out there with any working grey matter that would think they was in the right. What made it worse is I have been physically trying to avoid these confrontations and yet both of them entered my room in quick succession. MY ROOM! And they was in the wrong.

So I ended up going out and it was cold. I sat in a park and shivered for several hours. I ended up having to venture off, heart pounding, to go and buy a jacket, ended up with a much needed waistcoat, gilet type thing. I had also forgotten to take my supplements.

However .. I was able to get back to my things around 2pm and the very first thing I did was take my magnesium and vitamin B.

Except .. around 9m to 10pm my thigh muscles went from aching to distractingly painful to the point I was wondering how bad it was going to get? I had visions of me trying to get to a hospital to see someone.

Of course it goes without saying that I ended up taking another couple of pills, while wondering if it will make any difference at all?

The pain did seem to level out but I do not know whether this was psychological or whether the extra pills actually had an effect?

What got me thinking is .. let me check and make sure that what I am about to type is what I think? I do not trust my memory much of the time.

Investigations have demonstrated a relationship between the manifestations of stress reactions (anxiety, autonomic dysfunction, and maladjustment) and magnesium deficiency (MD). Thus, mental and physical stresses cause an increase in magnesium elimination from the body

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26591563

Yeah .. stress and anxiety cause magnesium depletion and magnesium being low not only can cause Sudden Death Syndrome but also has a high risk of heart, kidney and liver disease .. heart attack, cardiac arrest and mood swings, tiredness, memory loss and confusion among other things.

Yeah I have explained this to these two idiots to the point where I have said that they could kill me but no .. what they want to harp on about is far more important. But then mild epilepsy I am not even sure is real I have been told is worse than cervical cancer so what do you expect?!

Added to this I am reminded of this fact because a Xenomorph feels like it is moving aggressively or trying to punch its way out of my chest several times each day! This is a warning sign .. pains and symptoms are a warning sign that something is wrong and no Doctor could deny this when put to them, despite the fact they have been ignoring these warning signs on command .. while everyone still gets paid.

Got a reply from an Advocacy group called POhWER, who oddly enough I spoke to some years ago .. probably about this? They replied and stated something about working between me and the NHS and seem keen to point out that they were not affiliated with them. Yet .. they did not state anything about having the ability to take legal action against them. So I had to ask if they were advocacy only as I had clearly pointed out that the NHS had lied through their teeth dozens of times over the years and that there is absolutely no point in acting as a go-between between me and the NHS.

In the last few days I have contacted a list of people .. at least this tie if one of them whinges I have contacted others I can state that not only does everyone take too long, health conditions do not go on hold until someone pulls their thumb out of their arse, but that I have memory issues too.

I have explained both my daughter's situation and my own and wait to see what transpires from any of these emails.

Now you have to bear in mind that with this you have the following points included that never were previously ..

• Pro Bono Publico
  • Public is being lied to and I can prove it
• Cause Celebre
  • Google it .. term solicitors like to use
  • My own case was referred to as one of these around five years back
  • Already two publications regarding this
    • Local Tabloid
    • Weekly Magazine
    • Definite third incoming
    • Talk of many other formats
• Many diagnosis confirmed now
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Hypomagnesemia

So then .. on the look out for help over a bunch of lies and falsified documents over a now proven condition that can kill me that is easily proven to have been, in the very least, staring them in the face and therefore ignored for three years or more?

You would think this was a ..

• Walk in the Park?
• Open and Shut Case?
• Create a frenzy of helpers this tome around falling over themselves to want to be involved?

Because of the above listed things and the amount of pain and potentially fatal conditions they have ignored and that children are suffering and put at risk knowingly?

Well .. there are myriads of help organisations that you and many other members of the public think are out there and helping people.

In fact it is not unreasonable to state that since this recent thing started seven months ago or more that tens of thousands would have read about it..

Where are the contacts and suggestions of advice?

Where are the organisations that could help and leave contact details?

Go through all my posts and you can go back six years .. you can even go back to the point where I am diagnosed with low magnesium in the first place or when I self diagnosed Fibromyalgia before having this confirmed at Guy's Hospital. The Osteopenia and the anxiety attacks which were linked to the low magnesium.

You can go back and see as I explain as and when I discover them that my daughter has all my symptoms along with the cervical cancer?

Where are the contacts and offers?

This will continue for the next few weeks and in that time I will attract ever more people and thus far and in grand total .. well it went past 500,000 some months ago .. and added to this ..

Where are the payments from Google where the money earned from ad revenue which seems to have stopped din its tracks as of December 2016 without any notice or reasons given?

Upon discovering errors myself, of which there were two, and correcting said errors how come my earnings are still frozen? Why have they not moved a penny in two months remaining just below the very first threshold limit?

If in a months time I have not had a reply or a positive one from any of the people I have contacted and will contact will you not fin this suspicious? Would not even asking to view the evidence not seem suspicious to you? Would you not care until it actually happens to you? Or maybe someone you care about? Though in my own experiences this is not the case as I have experienced first hand that your own relatives can now be amoral. I have seen and heard it with others too. In fact even in the times you think your involved with a bunch or group of people you think are in the same boat .. they often act like they only care about their own plights.

And all the while the UK continues on, on a downward spiral into the fiery pits of hell when it is almost as if the country is run by Nazi like murderers. Possibly a link there?

People say to me “Oh it wont change it will just get worse!” well yeah .. when you all focused about your own goals and not working together, then yeah. When you expect others to be sympathetic to your own suffering but then not take others into account, then yeah.

Christ almighty I was recently blocked by the most argumentative person I have ever met, that is saying something, because he claimed that I was too argumentative. All because I asked him twice to prove what he was claiming about me, dragging him into two arguments that were not even arguments and only disagreements.

People not only hear what they want to they also only seem to read what they want to as well.

But then he was a self-proclaimed socialist when I met him.

It is like I said to my daughter .. everyone bitches on Facebook that we live in the right-wing country under this evil right-wing government. Funny that as I do not see it that way, other than the government being evil murderers that is. Not only that but I told my daughter that much of America now see us living in a Police State, Nanny State and a communist system. Well we are not .. not completely but much of the actions are this way as are the judges throughout the entire legal system.

Unless it is to do with money and real British people .. then suddenly you see and feel that crush of the right-wing hammer.

Speaking of right-wing hammers on Brits ..

Funny too is that my daughter has been to this domestic violence course today and am currently waiting for her call about this. Spoke to her about 30 minutes before it started and I was surprised she was attending. I told her she should have told them what even a social worker I know said 'tell them to fuck off'.

But .. as she was there I said that at least she attended and that she needed to go back to the guy that offered her a job and tell him the situation .. that Wirral Council forced her not to do this and it has screwed everything up.

Because Wirral Council deliberately put her in a position where she would fail to do one or the other and had no choice but that they would later use this against her. I knew from day one they were just waiting for a mistake so that they could put themselves in the clear at a later date while placing doubt on my daughter's character.

Yeah look long enough and you could find the feeblest reasons to call someone's character into doubt .. while they then go and help paedophiles and domestic abusers when they get out of prison.

While this was going on I have also been hearing that my daughter is getting ever more symptoms like mine. Something else that is worrying me now. While I was there I was relieved that she was not affected by some of the things I have while others were not as bad.

• Sleep Disorder
• Memory Issues at a Higher Level
• Feet Pain

Yeah .. well .. the first of those is now affecting her and I am hearing so such familiar things it is not true.

The second one is too as she now does a me and has to go back to the house two or three times to check if the door is closed or she has not left the cooker on!

Except .. do you know that the social worker spotted a window open in the kitchen on an unannounced visit when my daughter was not home? Yeah well as I have forgotten to point out to my daughter .. she must have gone around the back of the house and looked over a very tall fence. Do you know what they said about this?

• You cannot be bothered about your domestic abuser husband getting out of jail if your leaving kitchen windows open?

What the actual 'f' is that supposed to mean?

I think your a disgusting piece of shit for claiming your going to help him when he gets out of prison and he is being handed a £20,000 cheque too while my daughter has had fuck all from anyone. So there you two faced abusers of double-standards who think your way is right all the time and go quiet and put up no argument or apology when your caught out to be wrong.

Like I said .. FEEBLE!

ALMOST DEAD AGAIN

Jesus .. H .. Christ!

As if a visit to accident and emergency .. or was it an urgent care centre? Anyway .. as if that was not enough .. last night I was in agony.

Stomach pains after eating a Doner Kebab the night before. Did not come on until the afternoon but then it gradually built up and then there was all that sulphuric gas smell. It got so bad I spent an hour or more shoving my fingers down my throat as that takes the focus away from the pain and kind of has a chance of shifting .. something.

In fact I spent so long at it that I now have a sore tongue .. or at least it appears to be sore underneath and I have a sneaky suspicion that .. it will hurt to talk? Lol. Will please a few people, lol.

Ugh!

I am right in the middle of .. well a whole bloody raft of things as it turns out.

I have spent a few days here and there just going through my house like a whirlwind and just throwing a hell of a lot out, re-arranging stuff into .. umm sections and trying to do the garden bit by bit.

But everyone I have been honest with has either pulled support or now expecting my to do the proverbial cart-wheels.

It is a little hard to say what all this means .. right now at any rate. But by the end of the month it will inevitably become clear. Because I cannot change things now and I will harp on about it once it is all over.

Well I say .. all over .. but it might be anywhere between 4 and 12 weeks before it is fully over and things have settled down .. to a degree?

So yeah .. having two flare ups in the space of a week, or a little over as I am having difficulty keeping track.

Also do not forget .. as I do, that I .. forget and have a hard time keeping track!

My word I do not want to see another Doner Kebab as long as I live .. which is annoying as I had one for the first time a few weeks back and I was fine that time!

I did have some serious problems over a year ago each time I had a Doner Kebab, cows milk also and normal chip shop chips. So I stopped eating all three. Had chip shop chips recently to no ill effect and also that last doner so I thought it was something that had passed on by?

I also was given this drink with this 'clay' in which is supposed to kill any parasites so when I was OK I thought maybe I had some internal parasite that the Doctors and Hospitals had missed?

Apparently not.

What I am heading towards right now is a make me or break me kind of crossroads.

THE LONG & SHORT OF IT

It has been a tough as well as a mostly confusing time.

I have seen and heard more misery than ever before. I have been trying to help or be a help at least to a couple of people and I have been hearing of suicidal thoughts with people that I know.

I am secretly and internally in a constant panic mode that during my legal proceedings I will either do something wrong, not remember something or be unable to find something that will lose me my case.

The JSA are seemingly contradicting their early on understanding of my health conditions and have put two jobs in my JobSearch file that they have requested I apply for. Neither of these I can do as they are full-time employment and recalling I have pains, memory problems and over heating problems and do not own a car, one job is in Stanstead Airport for 12 hour shifts.

When I told an ex social worker I know he literally roared in uncontrollable laughter for a couple of minutes. I was amazed he found it that hilarious.

I was contacted by an old friend I have not seen in years and he got told about me knowing what condition I have. When I told him it was Fibromyalgia he looked shocked, made a call on his mobile and the next thing I know I am talking to his girlfriend as she has it. We were comparing pains and she referred to Fibrofog as 'Foggy Brain'. I told her I was having difficulty getting this message across to my Mind Counsellor he just keeps saying ''Oh I do that' every time I explain a frustrating and angry situation I was in recently. She understood as she has had this herself for years. Then she said something that stopped me in my tracks and I interrupted her to say “Wait a minute? Did you say you have taken Pregabalin!” She had and had stopped and claimed that every time she took it she gained weight.

I explained how I have tried to get this drug for several years and as a complete understanding I now have with three or four people in that 'normies' with no disability do not listen and do not understand as well as not caring. Even telling someone else how I was explaining to this fellow Fibromyalgia sufferer I got the often said throw away line by an idiot that simply wont accept that Doctors lie “I told you! Change your Doctor!” A bit pointless telling ME that when I am explaining what I said to someone else with the exact same condition. Bearing in mind these people know exactly everything I have done I replied in a sarcastic tone “I HAVE. FIVE TIMES!”

If you do not want to be treated like an idiot then do not make statements without thinking them through, remembering everything the person you are going to throw your lines at has done and … bet still … when you insisting on something to the point of arguing? Yeaah est NOT to do that when the exact same thing you have predicted wrong 100% of the time on three previous occasions.

If you got it wrong three fucking times then your not best placed to insist how the next thing is going to go, are you?

I could make this sound far worse than I have in stating that they are wrong in many other subjects 95% of the time, give or take a few percent.

The fact is they have failed to realise that my success rate as just ass high as their failure rate and yet time afterr time I will be told in no uncertain terms how it is and how it is going to go.

The one and single time that they ended up looking correct was not even my own fault but that of someone else I know making me look like I was wrong.

Speaking of which … November is almost over. In fact six weeks have now passed and things are … tiring. There has been some really bad treatment going on and I did think about 5 weeks or so back that this treatment would finally end? It seems not. More broken promises and lies. Well by December that will be the case at any rate.

So then something of a juggling act?

Well a suicidal young person, a fearful friend, a solicitor and documents to find and keep track of and there is a lot of documents, the JSA and damnable Job Centre, looking for work 35 hours a week (it is in the contract don'tcha know?!) and eleventy million pounds electric bill, a bike that needs repairing and another that needs replacing, a Doctor that is … let us just say awkward, nowhere to go and nothing to do and being bored and depressed out of my mind, hence the looking for voluntary work!

Did I forget about anything? Oh yeah a humongous row with a narcissistic person that thinks the world revolves around them and everyone else's lives and feelings are unimportant.

At least at Christmas I wont have to hear about a long list of molehills as they are turned into mountains and get into arguments about how to pick out fucking electronic equipment as it is fucking sacriligeous to take an average score from 200 people and should listen to those in What Hifi Magazine who are paid to say shit. Even when I am fucking holding the proof in my fecking hand!!

All said and done … pretty quiet really. Lol.

In fact I have only listed the main things going on at the moment and of course each of those could be broken down into subdivisions.

Right at this very moment my life is the complete opposite to what I thought it would be and there is this ever constant nagging at the back of my mind … that I may have just helped one of my most hated enemy types to become somewhat … wealthy?

So while all of the former is driving me insane the latter is eating away at me internally.

So yeah I have not really felt like typing anything out or posting very much. I am back in contact with two people I have not seen for well over a year. Possibly well over two. In contact with another who is not going through a good time right now and the things they are talking about they should not be at their age.

People have a tendency to look to me when things are tough. Yeah they might go and ant off and say things about me but as soon as things get complicated, intellectual or just plain difficult I am the one they talk to. As if I possessed a magic wand and can make it all go away. Lol, if only!

Also I have finally gotten my first two JSA payments, though the first one at £10 was not only hardly worth mentioning but went in my account without me even noticing for ten days. Also I am sure the second payment I only noticed today? Well I am sure that was not due in for another week or so? I am sure it was December 10^th it was to e paid?

Anyway … no mention at all of the back-pay going back to mid July. Go figure. I guarantee that the first time the subject is brought up it will be by my solicitor?!

Oh and how could I forget?

I received a letter from Enfield Council who have only paid my full rent for about 18 to 24 months over 9.5 years and in it was a bill for over-payment of rent?!

Well my solicitor was interested in seeing hat bill and the letter, which I cannot for the life of me find an explanation about the over-payment on. She was also interested in the JSA's recent pressure and asked me to inform them as soon as I get a letter mentioning any sanctions.

Oh and I see a load of videos about rouble with Sweden from no go areas for Police because of Muslims and gangs of them at main railways stations attacking and mugging women.

Also occurring in Sweden is that completely fucking barrmy leftist attitudes like that of the now infamous Social justice Warriors that actually insisted that their snow-ploughs actually not bother with the main routes and clear the areas were women normally frequent. Stockholm, I think it was, came to an abrupt halt … and I DO MEAN HALT!

Of course a search on YouTube will reward you with many a people ripping crap out of these two things!

Added to this Nigel Farage has been ripping Tony Blair a new one, get in there my son, and explaining that some countries, or country, that had one referendum over Europe had another one. I guess they did not like the first one and decided to keep on going until they got the result they wanted or was able to rig the result they way they wanted it?

Today and finally someone linked that awful PizzaGate story to people in the UK!! Europe was not mentioned but the UK certainly was and by an American. SOMEONE has been doing their homework?!

A Jehovah's Witness who regularly knocks at my door did so recently. After breaking the news to me that I am know in the local kingdom hall as 'The Mission Man' he talked about the things happening in the word and shook his head, looked at me and said … “This … is … biblical … the things happening right now!” Yeah I could see why they would think that. In fact I could fully understand that anyone that is religious … the Christian religions not the barbaric, murderous and paedophile lot, might think this. I remember thinking it was a good job he was only looking, most likely, at the mainstream media and not what I had looked at!

Well after all … Satan worshippers in levels of power in government and becoming President of the United States of America? Umm was that not the story behind that famous old horror movie about the son of Satan called The Omen?! LMAO!

CLIMBING UP, SPIRALLING DOWN

This spinning limbo just never seems to end.

That might some like a throw away line but it is the 6^th November, 2016 today and the likelihood is that it WILL last between 2 and 6 weeks longer and started back on the 19^th July.

Though there is an argument it started long before that. The assessment date I never attended.

That might seem the reason why to some people except for two things.

If your not aware of it every single assessment is a cheat. After all why would my GP now announce out of the blue when I ask him whether or not I am fit for work any more he says it is the job of the DWP?

The other reason is that I have NEVER attended an assessment, at least not for over ten years. I think I attended one in a place called Lisson Grove around 13 years ago when the first of the pains in my feet started to affect me. Except I never realised at the time I was thirteen years away form diagnosing what this was and that it would be ME that diagnosed it. Oh and do not get any stupid ideas about that as it was later confirmed by Guy's Hospital,, if you did not already know this.

I will never forget the patronising roll of eyes and “Huh” when I answered no to not being assessed for PIP by Judge Miss Mark of the HMCTS … though I myself use the term 'Judge' loosely here as in my opinion she was a bade one on a number of levels. Not impartial for a start. DWP not having Doctors and everyone knows it coming in second and the list goes on.

I now realise that there is an absolute NEED for Judges to go through a list with a defendant as to WHAT evidence they have received from you, in are there is a mistake or they are lost in the post.

Now you might ask yourself what is it that makes me state that this is a need? Well because currently it looks like they have booked three separate court hearings with at least two different judges for the exact same thing!

So I am around the ten week mark into the debacle that is the DWP's major fuck up into trying to cheat me, along with many others, tick me, make me go away and get out of a period of time of paying me nothing. Their lows know no bounds and this has become shockingly evident since I found a list of people that have died by their hands that is over 70 people long.

Still … it takes focus away from the fact that for the last decade or two the UK population has been expanding rapidly and the numbers coming here to live has been outgrowing the expanding and they have built zero, or almost zero, in the way of social housing. Yeah … that was fucking smart!

I bet the EU never thought of that when they were telling everyone what to do?

So my rent is currently around a week late and two months back it was two weeks late! That is actually my biggest concern.

Two weeks ago I was at my Doctors and I asked for my prescriptions and got turned down for that too! Apparently I was early but I have a very difficult time keeping track of everything. I did not check my pills but knew that I had not picked up a prescription for a while and BECAUSE of my memory … well, I asked when I was there.

So what happened? I kept forgetting to put in my repeat prescription until I had ran out of Propranalol, the ery thing that keeps the anxiety attacks at bay.

Friday night and morning I had not taken a Propranalol pill as I had to go over the weekend without any so I had left one single pill in the blister pack. I figured I would go one day without one and take it Saturday, yesterday, and then I only have to go one more day without one. I was more worried about withdrawal symptoms since an episode around 11 or 12 years ago when I forgot to take Venlafaxine for two days. Yup that was how far back my anxiety attacks go and that was in no way the first. The first was many years before that. Yet another thing linked to my Fibromyalgia I was not going to find out for a very long time, this time more than 15 years until I self diagnosed Fibromyalgia Syndrome.

Over the time I have been posting and mentioned my Fibromyalgia I might have given the false impression that I have suffered with it for 13 or 14 years. No. That was when it affected my feet and I experienced what I call 'Reversed Plantar Fasciitis'. Even the painful Achilles Tendinitis pains went back before the Plantar Fasciitis pain, long before. Back then I only had to be careful coming down stairs as if they were steep I had a 50/50 chance in the snapping pain.

When I had forgotten to take the Venlafaxine I started to feel really, really ill and really, really dizzy. I hod gone out to do a job for my brother while ill, got back and laid on a sofa for twenty minutes when I suddenly realised I had not taken the pills for two days and wondered if it was down to that? I took them and within 30 minutes I felt much better.

This was the only time I was ever affected by withdrawal symptoms and it was enough to make me remain very wary of ever having them again.

So when I ran out of Propranalol I was like 'SHIT!'

A good example of my memory problem? Yeah well it got better.

I was changing to wearing a different jacket and as I did so I checked all the pockets of the one I was previously wearing. When I did I remembered there were pills in one of the inside pockets I had forgotten about, but did not remember what they were. As I felt them I thought 'oh these will be Amitriptyline and Tramadol'. Except when I pulled them out they weren't these. They were more Propranalol.

Now I know what you might think? 'Oh so you did not run out of pills when you thought you did and the GP was right?' Umm .. well in a word 'no'.

You see I ended up in Accident & Emergency at North Middlesex Hospital awhile ago now, a month maybe? When I did I had several things stated to me, one that I posted about at the time was that the DWP should NOT be coming anywhere near me with my medical records and put his head in his hands and stated “What ARE the publicc services DOING in this country?!” The other thing he sis was question WHY my Doctor had given me the Propranalol pills that he did, time released capsules. He gave me to things … one was Daizepam, which helped me get through the court hearing (hearing? Lol) and the other was 40mg Propranalol to go with the 80mg Propranalol I already had. They were intended as an addition to the ones I already had.

Now I had taken these for a few nights then must have thought I was going somewhere overnight and put them on the inside of my jacket pocket. I then totally forgot all about them.

I am really, really bad at taking pills at night!

I am not that good at taking them in the morning either and mostly only remember if I am leaving the house as this seems to spark off something in my memory probably because I have now been doing it so long.

However all this was after running out and missing a pill and Friday night and Saturday morning I felt anxiety and panic. Hmm I am now remembering that someone referred to my anxiety attacks as panic attacks. A medical professional I think but as I have also experienced 'Fibromyalgia Rubber Legs' and it specifically states this is because of the strong anxiety that Fibromyalgia can cause then I can only assume that my description was correct.

Annnd this is how it has gone … up and down, up and down for week after week and month after month.

The other thing I do not talk about much is my appetite and I reckon I have lost more than a stone in weight in the first month alone. Trousers I previously could not get on me are now hanging on my hips, lol. This always happens when I have these attacks. It is really annoying for a number of reasons. Buy, hey? At least I spend less money!

It is strange when it happens. I go right off food and the only things that are tempting in any way are things that are not good for you, mostly, and too expensive to buy regularly. Except for one thing provided you do not do it every day.

This happened yesterday when I cycled past a Kentucky Fried Chicken on my way to Sainsburys, bought a loaf of bread and crab paste and then stopped at my local, not KFC, fried chicken shop on the way home.

I can often go a whole day without eating at all. Needless to say my weight is still coming off … just slower than it was previously.

Now added to this is my back pain which just like the head MRI and EEG an x-ray by the NHS found nothing, other than Ospteopenia. But then they went out of their way...no exaggeration, to lay me down on my side in a foetal position to x-ray someone's back? Funny as when a Chiropractor did it they did it standing up, weight bearing, and found not one but two things!

Hmm .. now THAT sounds familiar? If it does to you then you must have been checking back with this blog a few years and if you have you must have come across dozens of things that sounded familiar? Including things you remember later on appearing in the news?

Yeah well I had an ultrasound on my groin that when I saw the specialist he was “...pleased to tell you the ultrasound was completely clear”. My response was “Umm, what?! My ultrasound? The ultrasound I was PRESENT at?!” to which he then sat bolt upright before I continued “there was a black lump where I am experiencing the pain and a new inguinal hernia on the opposite side!”

I am not going to go into that in depth and how I was kicked off a GP Surgery that refused point blank to listen to the recording of the specialist admitting he falsified the test results.

So my back. I had been sleeping on my sofa for many weeks, something else I end up doing when the anxiety strikes. I managed to make my way back to my bed a few weeks ago. Then I started waking up in the morning with my back pain.

After several more days I started waking up in the middle of the night with my back pain.

The night before last I started to experience back pain before even falling asleep and I grabbed my bath robe, rolled it up and placed it under my right hip as I lied on my side to ease the pain, which it did.

When the pain strikes it does not matter whether I lie on my back or sides it is still aggravated but lying on my back it can be really bad.

Yeah my friend is right … there are a lot of things on my mind I am thinking and worried about that I should not be.

Being messed about and CONSTANTLY lied to by the NHS and its Doctors, while they are paid stupidly large salaries, is what really grates on me when I think now that they want to stand behind all disabled people with a whip!

A fucking WHIP is NOT what is needed. It is GENUINE help, are you reading this Scope? Either give people the medication they need or fund cars!

I need one of two things and I would be able to work full time and I have absolutely HATED not having anything to do! Really, really hated it. It sets of my depression if I am honest and all this has kept me out of aa close relationship for so long I can now never ever have another one.

Yes, that is how bad it has affected my own life … even told that … Judge that but she did not bat an eyelid! If you cannot use that as a damned good reason I simply do not know what you can use?!

I had thought I would get out of all this myself. That was the plan all of 2015 and my vision for 2016 was very, very different from what I ended up with. Such polar opposites it was almost as if it was by design?!

In fact almost every day of this year of 2016 I have told myself it was by design.

I should have been on top of the world and look at this post alone?

I do not possess any illusions to 2017 though the law of averages and little bits of information this year do suggest 2017 will be better?

Though at the moment I am wondering whether or not at some point I simply will not be able to sleep in a normal bed ever again.

Oh but then I can always go to the Doctors about that … oh wait?

A DAY OF HOPE

Well I call it a day of help but I have this terrible nagging in the back of my mind that continues to be negative.

Today is the day when things could change back around in my favour and I hope it will do so because it could, should, mean the end of the anxiety. Except for that nagging in the back of my mind I have had the last couple of weeks.

It could turn out to be a blessing in the oddest of disguises.

If things go very well and they would have to go very well, it should give me a massive boost that should propel me. I am already thinking that if my feelings get a lot better from a good day then hopefully I will be back on my drive to get out with my two new cameras to get lots of content for my other blogs and my YouTube channel.

Except I see raindrops for the first time in weeks and the weather seem to say we were going to have a couple of rainy days. Still, I am thankful for the cooler temperatures as it was only compounding everything. But it might take a couple of days for the thoughts and feelings to get back to normal anyway and for the anxiety to go completely, I just do not know.

Of course this is all replying on the fact that I get the first actual help after asking for the umpteenth time and over a ten year period.

I have lived here for 9 years and for a couple of years before I lived here I had asked for help for similar things. I would wager heavily that I have made over 200 approaches for help in thirteen of fourteen years and there have been times even before that I have requested help.

Going on ratios when it comes to receiving help from anyone I have had zero percent and when I have helped myself it has been a poor success rate of probably less than fifty percent, though in the recent past this has improved somewhat.

There ave been five legal challenges against me and every one of them has failed so you would think that this time I should be full of confidence? But I wasn't, got struck by the dreaded anxiety and no one was more surprised than I was.

One way or another I need to actually do something about this condition of mine because it is clear it is not going to go away. Mind you that could all become academic after next month depending on the outcome of the hospital thing. I might not have long to live or might be epileptic and even if it turns out to be the latter it could stop my cycling. That would not be good to live with, let me tell you as I basically survive on cycling during the warmer months when I cannot travel by bus or train.

Ooh my first cup of tea in many days.

Just been looking up what other causes could be behind my seizure and blackouts and I had seen various types I had never heard of and a couple of no-epileptic seizures called PNES and NEAD where the 'NE' stands for Non-Epileptic.

I do no know about either of these but my money is on me NOT being epileptic because of when it is tat they occur. It is always from rising and until lately where I was just standing upright from leaning forward a few times have always been from crouching or a sitting position and standing up. It is not spontaneous or random. Almost always occurs from around midday until around 5pm for he most concentrated occurrences. Indeed this is why the GP thought it was Postural Hypotension but they were so strong and I was on the verge of collapsing so many times that I had my doubts about that. Though I never thought of looking up if Postural Hypotension can actually do that ..

Te worry for me is that the fatigue and lack of drive had been kicking in long before the trouble with the DWP started brewing. It was something I had planned to bring up with the GP, despite him having only just become a GP, when the anxiety struck.

I have my list of 7, or might be 8 now, reports printed out and stapled together where they need to be sitting beside me.

I will take all of the reports with me and see what they are interested in keeping a hold of. The reports are for a variety of people I will be seeing over the next four to six weeks. As stated before my memory has been bad a very long time and slowly getting worse. SO I cannot always think of things which as probably screwed up a lot of meetings and appointments if I am honest. It has been amazing how many people do not take this into account. Including friends.

Damn! I just remembered my old phone. I forgot to charge it last night, remembered this morning and then forgot about it again, really that is how it goes, and after being awake for over 3 hours remembered it about 20 minutes ago and then forgot again. I just turned to look at where it is meant to be charging and was not there. So the whole time I have been typing this out, every ten or twenty minutes or so, I had not remembered it once. I forgot to charge my new phone too but that takes only about 20 minutes to charge fully, often less as it is still always 50% to 90% charged from the day before. Without using, my old Moto G runs out almost completely, or does in the middle of the night, and seems to take 2 to 3 hours of charging to get to full. Still I only need enough battery power for the phone to stay in standby for around 5 hours. Or in other words, until I get home.

Really it is mainly because of one phone-call that never seems to come though others might not have my new number as I may ave forgotten to give everyone it. Oh like my landlord! I must do that!

Having serious issues with my 'H' key among others. Keeps missing keystrokes and I seem to get letters in spellings the wrong way around. Been happening for some months and is somewhat … worrying what with the other symptoms pointing towards a possible brain tumour, lol. But that is something that will be looked at in two weeks time. Well .. a little less than two weeks and I have a report for that! Lol.

Will NEVER buy another keyboard from PC World.

Sometimes when you have too much time to kill before an important meeting or appointment in can be a pain in the arse. Been debating whether to go to it by bike or bus but I do not want the bike getting stolen, it is a somewhat higher crime area than that where in live by several levels, lol. I thought about visiting some friends beforehand but would be too much. I have been on the bike for three days solid so hopefully the being on foot should not be too bad. Fingers crossed.

I think that may what has been diminishing my drive, at least partly? Lately even the shorter distances I do ave seemed like a ten mile hike for each and every one of them. I think about shopping and then think about the journey to my nearest Sainsburys and I think 'Ugh!' It is why I got my old bike out as I am simply not doing things and going places, not that I have a lot to do and I stopped window shopping 6 months ago when a line of communication became cut off. As I have said many times, weather been crap and I ave been .. apprehensive of even doing my work at closer distances since that full on seizure. The thought of damaging the new cameras does not help either! I am hoping for a pill that will result from the hospital appointment that I can take around midday which will stop any blackouts or seizures from occurring? I hope and pray.

Of all the lists of things one would have to hope for and worry about mine are .. starving to death, being made homeless, becoming unable to walk and dying from a brain tumour in that order. Though if the first three start to look likely or even become fact the last would be a blessing.

Hmm August and September this year, 2016, already look to be the most two bizarre consecutive months of my entire life?!

If you had not worked it out, or more likely had it long before you read this, I have a meeting with Citizen's Advice today. Whether this will lead to any more meetings I do not know but I also ave a Neurology appointment in a couple of weeks. Then another meeting of Minds in early September and whether anything else, oh crap local council .. must do that tomorrow, will occur I do not know.

THE ILL & THE DREAD

Oh I do not like the feelings I have this morning.

It is not nice at all and very, very weird. I feel a bit ill and I feel a bit of anxiety and it is the strongest feeling of anxiety since I started taking those Propranalol beta-blocker pills.

That is not encouraging.

At the same time I am having real difficulties doing my usual things just as I feared I would when I was basically hoodwinked and conned into looking after someone's pets. Before they went away I was visited two days before departure and was asked to put the kettle on and I answered “Sorry, I have forgotten to get milk for three days”. Well they left on Saturday and that was two more days and it is now Tuesday and that is another three more days and guess what? I do not have any milk still.

That is how it can be.

On every other day I am not at the house I keep panicking I have forgotten something at the house.

The first day I had to get out my second bike and I forgot it was likely it had a puncture. Why did I use my second beaten up bike and not my shiny newer bike? Because I knew I would not be able to do the jobs I was hoodwinked into doing without it. He went away a few months ago for a week and I did exactly the same thing then, went there every other day and it nearly killed me. Despite the fact he lives fairly close to me. About half a mile I would say. Ten minute or so walk … hard to judge because I do not walk reasonable well and always limp. Walking, or rather limping, on consecutive days is normally bad news for me. I have been lazy as I have not used my bike much this year partly because despite being at either ends of the house they are both a pain in the arse to get out due to my house. Partly because the weather has been utterly terrible.

So I got the bike out on the first day they were away and I changed the inner-tube. I cycled to a different friend and chatted for a few hours before going around the house to feed and water the other pets. He has a son that is a bit .. of a problem and not really with the rest of us when it comes to common sense. What he used to do was drive me nuts to get into the house when I did this several years back. One of the reasons I fell out with him for several years was him expecting me to do all this crap for him, the friend that is. I remember that before my friend had even reached Crete I was getting phone-calls about getting in the house.

This son is a problem, he flies up and down the stairs and in and out the house letting doors slam or not closing them properly. It is like he literally has a one track mind. It was really weird to witness. My friend was always going on about him and at first I thought he was being over dramatic, but no. He would often leave the house and leave the door wide open, and I mean leave the house … go off to a mate's house for hours. He used to smoke Cannabis a lot and my friend thought it was all down to that and Cannabis destroys your brain, as some would love to like us believe to suit there needs. I pointed out that it was not this and that his son probably needed to talk to someone and be investigated. Putting it as politely as I could.

This kid also thinks he is going to be a big rap star. He is well into his twenties.

He also now actually has a girlfriend and even a child with her and they live elsewhere but for some reason there are a couple of important things of his left in his old bedroom.

So on the Saturday morning before my friend has reached Crete and I am changing the inner-tube on my bike the phone rings. I miss it and then I get a text from an unknown number and it simply says 'Are you going to my Dad's house today?' Yeah like that is supposed to explain who it is but luckily I know this kid all too well and realised it was him.

I told him not until 4pm.

A little while later I get another phone-call fro the boyfriend of my friend's daughter who are going there on the days I am not. O yeah, I forgot about that. When I was saying 'no' to looking after his animals he told me he had made it easier for me as he has his daughter and her boyfriend going there one day so that I only have to go there every other day. I was a bit annoyed with this and said “How is that supposed to help me? I am still coming here every other day which was what I was doing when you went away last time that I could not handle it!” Of course just like of old when he wanted things his way I never got an answer. S the boyfriend called me and said “Have you heard from [the son] about getting in the house?” I ten told him that I had before he went on to say that he had asked his sister for the keys and when she told him no he got frustrated with her and upset her.

The girl has her own problems and upsetting her is not a good idea.

So two of us have been put into a situation that is not good for the heath of either of us, lol.

I told this guy that we were going to get a lot of this.

I got to the house at 4.15pm after speaking to a mutual friend about it. I had been asked why I had agreed to this by several people and how wrong it was to put me in this position. How was I expected to refuse him entry or get him out when I let him in?

Oh. I am guessing that you have worked out that for years the son was not allowed a key to the house while my friend was on holiday? For the obvious reasons.

So the boy knows, is told each time his Dad goes away why he is not allowed a key, told he is not getting in the house and told to not drive people nuts about getting in the house. But always does drive people nuts.

I told this chap on the phone that I remember him on the phone to me the very same day that our friend went away on holiday four years ago the very last time I did this.

We are still on Saturday here, lol. The first day, lol.

Anyway when I finally got to the house around 4.15pm there was no son waiting outside. Well, I thought, it could not have been that important. Around 4.45pm the house phone rang three times which was unusual. I thought 'I bet it is him?' Then my mobile started ringing, yup it was him. It is now 5pm I told him I would be there at 4pm, he is half a dozen miles away with no car and now wants to come to the house. The house he does not live in any longer. I said … 'fine, I will be here' and ended up watching a documentary on volcanos. Some forty minutes later he then phones me, says he has stuff happening there and cannot come. Perhaps a girlfriend who is asking him why he is about to pay for a taxi to get home to do some rapping to two sings then come home again?

You think I am joking? I did say he has always thought he was going to be a big rap star, lol.

He once had an argument over not finding a job because he as going to be a big rap star and would not have believed this myself had I not been there to actually ear it myself!

Eventually I leave the house on my beaten up bike I got out and changed the inner-tube on so that I could lock it up at Sainsburys on the way home without worrying about it being nicked. Only … as I was cycling away from the house I thought … 'why does the front of my bike feel spongey?' and looked down to see I had a tyre with very little air in it and I had the wrong air pump to the wrong bike.

Straight home and no Sainsburys and no milk and other bits I needed.

Now it is Tuesday and I still have not go milk and last night I came home too buggered and I also realised I had hardly eaten anything. If you can count two cans of Monster,, oooh yeah I am feeling thirsty all the time, and four Twirls. Oh and a packet of McCoy's Salt & Vinegar Crisps. That was is all day. No food in the house and has not been for a week.

That was yesterday … Monday and only my second visit to the house to look after the pets.

How long is he away for? Only 5.5 Weeks. Yes that is five point five weeks!

So today I ave this feeling of illness mixed with anxiety, as I started of saying.

Only my life could be like this.

But then I never thought I would be here this year.

And yes that appointment in a couple of weeks because of the blackouts, seizure I had, hearing dropping off by around 30% (ears popping) and a couple of others that point towards a brain tumour? I said to someone it would be just soo typical of me that I will have all this shit to deal with after just being told something potentially traumatic.

Lol.

He does not return until three weeks after my appointment, though I am not likely to be told at the time I do not think. Unless they feel on the day after inspecting me and talking to me that I need a scan tat very same day?

I have not even told my mother yet who has just found out a friend of hers of many years as terminal cancer. A mother to some childhood friends of mine.

But hey, according to the DWP everyone is sitting around with nothing going on and can be fucked about unfairly and having their money cancelled unfairly.

Oh and I have meetings with Citizen's Advice an appointment for a colonoscopy I am still waiting for and of course a visit to the local council and a bloody form to fill in .. and documents to hand over and anything else that crops up over the next five weeks.

Plus my normal fatigue getting far worse and let us pray I do not lose the use of my legs again!

It is annoying at times because you feel as if either people do not believe your Fibromyalgia, do not realise what having Fibromyalgia is like or simply just do not care and are selfish? I just do not know.

The ill and the dread is all I seem destined to have.

THE MOVING & THE SWAYING

Oooh boy am I stoned!

Due to some anxiety I decided that it would be a good idea to double up on my Amitriptyline for a few days until I see my GP?

I had also not realised that after waking a little after 4am, and alarm bells over that going off in a big way, but omly falling asleep a little after 2am I had not had a lot of sleep.

Being a Fibromyalgia sufferer we do not get restorative sleep at the best of times!

Restorative sleep is the most important part and comes after REM sleep and it is what it says where the mind and body go through checks and repairing of things. Muscles repaired, toxins repaired, brain cells flushed along with skin and a great number of things. Your talking about a whole body. The brain does not do what we need it to do.

This has serious consequences and likely the main reason our memories do not function correctly each and every day? That particular symptom has a name all of its own,, Fibrofog.

Anyway I had planned to go and see someone and ... well make an appointment. I went to hunt down some Mega Marshmallows and realised I was feeling a little light headed. It still did not occur to me what was going on. I caught a bus that has a terrible, terrible route and 'goes all around the houses' before it gets anywhere near my home. The bus route goes out its way at least three times and in opposite ways throughout its whole route.

Annoyingly it also does not go anywhere near a hospital!

So I am sitting on the bus, thinking how my feet are not too bad today while focusing on the light headed feeling. I realised it was intensifying. Before long I was stoned and every time the bus went around a corner I felt like I was in a boat as the bus swayed left and then right.

In fact it was so intense I wondered whether I should get off the bus by my Doctor's surgery?!

Also the nodding off has increased in my brains desire to just give in. Just now I had my head flung backwards and withj my eyes closed while trying to type out this post! Lol!

Sleeeeeepy ... must ... resist!

I was planning to order an item tomorrow to replace one I have that is very faulty and that would be my Moto G phone. I am sure many would be pleased to hear that is it has played up fairly badly in calling and texting. Added to this the screen surface has more or less worn through. Plus I have noted that I can leave it to charge with screen off for 3 hours and its only half full?!

So battery buggered. Some mornings I get up and there is still 75% on the phone while otherr times it can drain right down to the point of switching itself off. Weird that.

I have never had to phone 999 while I am out but not only do I know that day is coming but I have been ordered to to do is I have another bad seizure.

MY MATE, THE SOD

Yup, so much is he that they named a law after him!

I am a little fed up as he is always hanging around and driving me nuts. He only ever strikes just when I am about to do something else.

I was planning on a new camera in a few months time, which did not work out, when my one took a bloody tumble and I am still, trying to get it replaced. Of course I need that for all of my blogs and my YouTube channel I have now spent 3.5 years working on.

Of course I am still missing several items and the necessary space to all that I want and am capable of doing.

I left the house today forgetting something else, as I more often than not do. My Fiio hi-res music player and RHA headphones. So back to the house yet again and annoyingly when I thought it was about 10am was actually midday! Grrr.

Rummage around and no music player. Must of left it upstairs then? Umm ... no!

Oh, it is in my backpack? No. Inside pockets? No! I used a different bag? No! I have put it down somewhere and placed something on top of it? NO!

Crap!

Last time I remember seeing it, ... I THINK, was the morning before yesterday when I was picked up by my brother to go birdwatching. He called me 'Go, Go Gadget' and 'Inspector Gadget' because of all my devices and wires. I told him there were still half a dozen or more gadgets I did not bring out, like my audio recorder, radio scanner ... umm other Windows phone and probably others?

Where does 'sod' come into all this?

Well I was hoping to get an Astell & Kern AK Jr at some point which I would be doing about now if it were not for the fact that I desperately need a camera and the camera unfortunately takes precedence.

Yeesh!

How I do not know but it always, and I do mean always, happens like this. I start planning something, start working towards something and then something else comes along and goes wrong just about the time when it is about to go right!

ALWAYS!

Like some bloody court papers I was meant to get a hold most of last Summer and then should have done in November only for that to go south for the winter and not even knowing why that is.

I listen to music most of the time when I am out to take my mind of the 100 things that often go through it. Half a dozen or more of these are pains, either dealing with them or constantly worried they are going to flare up. Or the half a dozen symptoms that are 'hope a crack in the floor opens and you fall into a bottomless pit' embarrassing!

Jesus! I am going top miss having that player.

The only upside is ... or bloody well should be, is the fact it is Spring and the warmer weather means I should be out on my bike with my ... faulty camera most days. Except it is not good weather and we have only had a couple of full days and a few half days of decent weather.

Rain, rain, nothing but rain is all we get lately and even several of the sunny days have had rain at some bloody point! Should be good for the wild British Orchids but I am betting it will rain right through the periods when they are in flower and I wont get up there?! Lol.

Damn this Fibrofog and Fibromyalgia, it really is the bane of my life in so many ways I lose count! If someone was to ask me in how many ways I get driven nuts by my health I would say ... well four, except one of them has so many bloody ways on its own that I cannot even give you a number!

Over a dozen that bog me down I would say. Both feet, right calf, shoulder, memory, vomiting, skin conditions, umm two others, oh yeah ... and that one lol (not telling on those three), high blood pressure, postural hypotension, light sensitivity, sleep problems and umm am I forgetting anything? Memory, lmao!

Several back problems, lumbar, thoracic region (middle) and neck.

Physical problem with right knee.

Severe heartburn.

These are the main ones that are in the forefront of my mind.

Jesus, why is it so effing hard?

JESUS, why is there no EFFING HELP?!

I keep asking but I never get an answer, from anyone else, nit only Jesus.

Steps to getting help ...

1. Find organisation that claims to be advice/action in your field, ask for help ...
2. Get told they do not actually do that
3. Ask them why
4. Get lies or crap in answers
5. Ask them about deliberate mistakes I lead them to make
6. Get told to ask 'x' organisation
7. Go back to '1'
8. Repeat
9. Repeat Steps 1 to 8 a dozen times before you realise ...
10. None do anything, they all lie and their names are intentionally misleading
11. LAUGH YOUR ARSE OFF
12. LMAO!
13. Then realise you gotta just keep doing this crap even though it hurts in more ways than one!
14. Feel like sticking your head in a mincer

THREE OF MY BAD DAYS

Going two better there than one Roger Waters, from his and Pink Floyd's lyrics to the track One Of My Turns, if I remember correctly, from The Wall album.

Good job with the live alum of the latest live concert to The Wall, Roger, but about time you did a follow up to the very good Amused To death? Maybe? Lol.

Anyhoo on to my bad days.

I agreed, though I shouldn't have done really, to look after some pets for a friend while they was in Italy. Odd as they always lectured me on how to spend money and one is broke and the other not worked for 18 months but have been to both Norway and Italy this year alone.

I have no doubts that there annual 3 week visit to Crete is only a couple of months away too?

Well the day before my first visit to feed both aquariums, four ponds, five tortoises, a Goldfinch Muel, Canary and one talking Budgerigar I got tired in the afternoon, despite doing very little. I had to return home but had a GP appointment to get to and I had a print-out I wanted to give him, as my memeory causes me to forget to mention things to him. I had so many now that some might be important, crucial or even life threatening. Unless we, or rather you, are a Doctor you simply do not know. Funny how the government expects us all to be Doctors though? Lol.

At home I was drained, still intending to make my appointment and went to go upstairs to get something and my right ankle, or Achilles tendon, clicked badly and I jerked in pain and then fell onto my wooden stairs. Ouch!

Fell asleep on the sofa and never made my appointment. First time that has happened in a few years, do not know if I am going to be charged that £10 they talked about for that.

The following day I was waiting for a package to arrive, from the UK E-CIG store, a bit odd, of e-liquids for my ... ahem, well e-cigarettes of Marshmallow Man, Suicide Bunny's Original Bunny and Donuts Juices ... umm Donuts. I had a quick run through all the major vape stores websites when I spotted something at the Juice Shop's website.

A Smok TFV4 micro atomiser!

I had wanted one of these since finding out they existed but thus far they only seemed to come in a kit with a box mod. I own two box mods and really did not want another one. As I have Joyetech's Cuboid and Laisimo's Snow Wolf 200W why would I need another one? No one locally stocked the kit anyway and just the day before I ended up buying a Smok TFV4 Mini. Yes smaller than my TFV4 Full but not quite as small as I wanted.

So the Juice Shop in Edmonton had them ... except they were also part of a kit ... but with a difference.

These ones came with a cylindrical battery and I like these designs. Added to that it was a lot cheaper than the box mod kit, around £15 to £20 cheaper.

So I got my three e-juices and promptly jumped on a bus.

Scott at the shop must have heard me and come out to chat but the Smok One Sticks, as they are called, were not on show. Think they were surprised I had spotted them and come down for one as they were pretty new and not long had them.

There were four colours and I was interested in the black tank so bought the black kit. There was silver too .. just checking .. dumb-arse, yeah red forgot about that and white.

Saw a Pipe design battery, I think by Smok also, had a look at the other Stick one with a Nano TFV4 too and eventually left.

Bus back to Sainsburys, bought some Warburton's Hot Dog Rolls, as all I had were in my freezer, then headed for my friends house. Not that far to go but I started feeling tired again as I had done the afternoon before. It got worse rather rapidly too.

Doing the chores expected of me wore ou any energy I had. I put their TV on to watch something and tried to relax for a bit to recuperate.

I was reminded of doing stuff like this when were previously friends four years beforehand.

I also realised that doing my own stuff was going to get hard and become stressful and was already stressing. Even right now I have run out of one of those things that will make others cringe.

Toilet roll! LMAO!

When I eventually got home about 6pm I went um my stairs, feeling really rough at this point, and crashed out on my bed, asleep almost immediately. Woke up wondering where I was.

On my second visit to the house I fell asleep on their sofa and woke up thinking I was at home, before then groaning and then realising I had other things to do before I could even leave to go home.

Doing my own stuff is a pain in the arse due to rushing and/or forgetting, due to both a list of pains I experience and my short term memory losses that drive me to distraction.

Doing things like this for someone else I am quite literally losing half of my time foing favours for others.

I am now reminded that I will be asked to do this for three weeks ion a couple of months and I am going to have to say, no.

When I woke up at home in the evening on my second day of feeling rough I suddenly realised something else and something that was extremely vital to all that I had said and done and the points made on here. The same points I have made to my GP in a print-out he never received last week...

..I had forgotten to take my pills for two days running. I first realised I had forgotten them that morning and as I was feeling like crap the day before it made me think about how I left the house the day before and where I was going when I realised that I had also forgotten them the morning before as well. Going back three days is impossible for me.

In the Juice Shop Scott had experienced having a cold or flu virus. I told him that I never really get them and co go several years without contracting anything. That was that morning of my second bad day and had not taken any pills.

Would you believe that when I woke up on the third day my head was banging a little, I had a very sore throat and felt very whoozy and a burning nose?! Damn it! Bocked myself there?!

But the I had not taken my pills and as a result was very run down and so probably why I had contracted the flu?

A third day not good enough for you?

Then how about this?

I took the pills on the third morning I had forgotten for at least two mornings previously. Now I have always maintained to various Doctors that there is something up with my nasal passages and have had difficulties for years. The last two years I had thought there was something wrong at the back of my throat and like a hole or a gap or something. this was due to the way air moved through it as one day it just felt different. This was a few years back now.

Well ... one of my pills felt like it was in an odd and unusual place at the back of my throat and as I washed them down with milk it felt like it went somewhere it shouldn't. I thought it was my imagination.

Except as I was sipping my mug of tea suddenly I started to get a burning sensation at the back of my throat and realise this was a pills that was dissolving and must be in some hole somewhere?

I drank more tea to wash it away and the burning only got worse, I guess from ore of whatever pill it was dissolving. I ended up snorting to try to move it and BAM!

Suddenly  the burning became painful and I felt something go into my lungs that did not feel right!

Now this continued on for over an hour and in that time I resisted the temptation to dial '999' several times and probably not wise due to a potential problem with a lung?

Anyway I got over that period, thank God.

But I ended up with some kind of cold like virus and has played havoc with my taste and smell as food and drink I love tastes like crap and those e-juices of Donuts by Donut Juice, Marshmallow Man and Suicide Bunny's Original Bunny all tasted the bloody same!

Well either that or someone is faking or repackaging empty bottles with the exact same e-juices?!

LMAO!

I doubt that of course, hopefully my taste will return soon. But then the same company did try and sell an e-cigarette known as a Vicious Ant Vari-Ant for a lot more than the already ridiculous price £500 on an eBay auction. Lol.

I never made it out today either, Monday now, not even to rebook my GP appointment.

Hopefully tomorrow I will get out and hopefully I will finally remember to get some BLOODY BOG ROLL?!

LMAO!

THE BUNGLES AT THE BUMBLES

This afternoon I sat somewhere I was not expecting to, nor was heading to nor even intended to be at all, sitting on a grass patch, in a village just outside London. I was there over an hour after a mile walk, or rather hobble, avoiding trucks, cars and vans as I was forced to walk on the road!

I wondered if I was ever going to get back!

Let me explain ..

I had visited a vape store to pick up a couple of things and a 30ml bottle of Barbed Custard. Only waiting at the usual bus stop I got on the bus only for it to not go straight at a large roundabout at Waltham Abbey, so heading for Waltham Cross, it turned ... RIGHT!

Odd as I thought all the buses going that way went through Waltham Abbey going the opposite way.

It seems not!

I thought I mist be going to Upshire then and when it reached the Crooked Mile roundabout it turned ... LEFT! Instead of going straight across.

It gets better ... and then it gets unbelievably better!

I then think I will stay on the bus to see where it goes, now heading up roads that used to be my local roads years ago, towards Nazeing. Then I realise there are no bus stops and I think 'no matter, it will likely go left towards Nazeing and then to Broxborne and I can get a bus back from there.

Except ... NO! The bus goes straight on towards a place I have not been through in likely twenty years, Bumbles Green. So I decide I better get off the bus and ring the bell, only as I am heading towards the front of the bus with me thinking the bus is going a bit fast to be stopping for that bus stop, it goes straight past it!

"Excuse me, you was supposed to stop there, I did press the bell!"

"Oh, sorry!" he replies and asks me where he wants me to be dropped off. I see a pull in and point "THERE!"

He pulls over, I alight the bus and he pulls away as I look around and realise I now have to walk about a mile IN THE ROAD!!

Trucks, vans and cars go past me as I limp back towards Bumbles Green. I walk through the village looking for the bus stop on the other side to get back to Waltham Abbey ... except there isn't one!

Eventually I come to a roundabout and see a road heading west off it, a bus stop on this road and know this will take me to Broxborne and therefore the buses must take me there. Except on studying the four routes only two go there and the next one is an hour away! I just missed one, apparently.

So there I am ... sitting on this patch of grass wondering how in the hell I ended up there and just how things can go horribly wrong.

You sit there for so long you wonder if a bus is going to come at all? You then start wondering that there may be a strike you do not know about? Or the buses have broken down? All the things that may prevent you form getting home, or at least getting back in a reasonable time.

I had something on me I was supposed to drop of at a mates, I asked me to order him something.

Once again I realise only too well that people without motorise transport are taken for granted, or everyone and everything is built to expect you to have your own transport.

I think it is just being registered disabled these days that puts this things more into focus?

It also is a sore reminder of what goes wrong when my Fibrofog causes me to lose focus on what I am doing.

Luckily it only added around two hours to my journey, maybe slightly more, and I put off dropping a parcel off at a friend's until tomorrow.

Then I went to put a new Smok TFV4 Atomiser tank on one of my box mods to vape on and the darn thing leaks everywhere! The last 5mls of my favourite flavour, Wick Liquor's Carnival, goes everywhere.

Thinking there must be a dodgey o-ring on the OCC (pre-made Organic Cotton Coil) I take the RBA (Re-Buildable Atomiser where you only have to change the cotton and not the coil too) out and put that in. Only when I fire it up I get no vape?! I try again and nothing. I then fire it while looking at the screen and it says ... 'Check Atomiser'?!

Oh great! This is just ... GREAT!

What a day. I change it back to the original coil, the RBS was only a single coil anyway and I prefer at least a dual coil and three at most, tightened everything really tight and ... no bloody leaks!

It must have just been installed by a cack-handed moron?

So after travelling and seeing a third of Essex, unintentional, I do not have to go back with the atomiser tomorrow and do it all again! Phhhheeeeew! Lol.

I tell ya, just the short term memory issues of Fibromyalgia alone, let alone the dozen areas of pain and the few embarrassing things, is a .. fecking .. pain ... in the arse! (Father Ted accent)

At least I now have my RBA for my Smok TFV4 Full, dual coil of course, and now have a Smok TFV4 Mini and though it is nice I did want a Smok TFV4 Micro but no one seems to have them. When they do they appear to be with a kit and a 80W, I think it was, Smok Box Mod.

"We don't stock them" said Craig in the Puff Dad E store when they do the full and mini and O pointed out that no one does! They are always with the kit and God help anyone who has a kit and breaks their atomiser 'cos you cannot buy another one. Not in the UK, lol.

No, no, no I am NOT buying another box mod! Lol, I have the Snow Wolf and the Cuboid, I do not need any more ... no pausing and thinking about it, no!

Lol.

Oh yeah and I picked up my free 30ml of Barbed Custard by Vapemunki, which is one of my top four flavours.

I have been through three dozen and I have three new ones on the way, Suicide Bunny OB, Marshmallow Man (as I got fed up waiting weeks for London Vape Company to get them in) and .. umm .. something else .. cannot remember ... ooh a new doughnut flavour by thjose guys actuall called the Doughnuts Juice company...oh sorry Donuts Juice Co, lol. AMericans cannot spell, I forgot, hehe.

Repeat after me ... (in a Stewie Griffin voice) Cookie .. Dough ... Dough .. Nuts?! Lol.

Anyway they do three doughnut flavours and I ordered one and no not the strawberry and blueberry! I said in a recent post that americans seem to think that Waffles is a Strawberry flavour, Dougnuts taste of strawberry or blueberries and all cereals taste of granola!

Good God, thankfully they did not invent them as they would have thought they all tasted like shit without half an vineyard, orchard or half a punnet is dumped on everything?

I just love waffles on their own, a little maple syrup at most.

Pancakes with sugar and a touch of lemon.

If its gonna taste of a bloody fruit or berry then bloody well call it that!

If you want doughnuts without the over bearing fruit ... Wick Liquor's Carnival!

Their Boulevard flavour is a nice vape too.