THE ILL & THE DREAD

Oh I do not like the feelings I have this morning.

It is not nice at all and very, very weird. I feel a bit ill and I feel a bit of anxiety and it is the strongest feeling of anxiety since I started taking those Propranalol beta-blocker pills.

That is not encouraging.

At the same time I am having real difficulties doing my usual things just as I feared I would when I was basically hoodwinked and conned into looking after someone's pets. Before they went away I was visited two days before departure and was asked to put the kettle on and I answered “Sorry, I have forgotten to get milk for three days”. Well they left on Saturday and that was two more days and it is now Tuesday and that is another three more days and guess what? I do not have any milk still.

That is how it can be.

On every other day I am not at the house I keep panicking I have forgotten something at the house.

The first day I had to get out my second bike and I forgot it was likely it had a puncture. Why did I use my second beaten up bike and not my shiny newer bike? Because I knew I would not be able to do the jobs I was hoodwinked into doing without it. He went away a few months ago for a week and I did exactly the same thing then, went there every other day and it nearly killed me. Despite the fact he lives fairly close to me. About half a mile I would say. Ten minute or so walk … hard to judge because I do not walk reasonable well and always limp. Walking, or rather limping, on consecutive days is normally bad news for me. I have been lazy as I have not used my bike much this year partly because despite being at either ends of the house they are both a pain in the arse to get out due to my house. Partly because the weather has been utterly terrible.

So I got the bike out on the first day they were away and I changed the inner-tube. I cycled to a different friend and chatted for a few hours before going around the house to feed and water the other pets. He has a son that is a bit .. of a problem and not really with the rest of us when it comes to common sense. What he used to do was drive me nuts to get into the house when I did this several years back. One of the reasons I fell out with him for several years was him expecting me to do all this crap for him, the friend that is. I remember that before my friend had even reached Crete I was getting phone-calls about getting in the house.

This son is a problem, he flies up and down the stairs and in and out the house letting doors slam or not closing them properly. It is like he literally has a one track mind. It was really weird to witness. My friend was always going on about him and at first I thought he was being over dramatic, but no. He would often leave the house and leave the door wide open, and I mean leave the house … go off to a mate's house for hours. He used to smoke Cannabis a lot and my friend thought it was all down to that and Cannabis destroys your brain, as some would love to like us believe to suit there needs. I pointed out that it was not this and that his son probably needed to talk to someone and be investigated. Putting it as politely as I could.

This kid also thinks he is going to be a big rap star. He is well into his twenties.

He also now actually has a girlfriend and even a child with her and they live elsewhere but for some reason there are a couple of important things of his left in his old bedroom.

So on the Saturday morning before my friend has reached Crete and I am changing the inner-tube on my bike the phone rings. I miss it and then I get a text from an unknown number and it simply says 'Are you going to my Dad's house today?' Yeah like that is supposed to explain who it is but luckily I know this kid all too well and realised it was him.

I told him not until 4pm.

A little while later I get another phone-call fro the boyfriend of my friend's daughter who are going there on the days I am not. O yeah, I forgot about that. When I was saying 'no' to looking after his animals he told me he had made it easier for me as he has his daughter and her boyfriend going there one day so that I only have to go there every other day. I was a bit annoyed with this and said “How is that supposed to help me? I am still coming here every other day which was what I was doing when you went away last time that I could not handle it!” Of course just like of old when he wanted things his way I never got an answer. S the boyfriend called me and said “Have you heard from [the son] about getting in the house?” I ten told him that I had before he went on to say that he had asked his sister for the keys and when she told him no he got frustrated with her and upset her.

The girl has her own problems and upsetting her is not a good idea.

So two of us have been put into a situation that is not good for the heath of either of us, lol.

I told this guy that we were going to get a lot of this.

I got to the house at 4.15pm after speaking to a mutual friend about it. I had been asked why I had agreed to this by several people and how wrong it was to put me in this position. How was I expected to refuse him entry or get him out when I let him in?

Oh. I am guessing that you have worked out that for years the son was not allowed a key to the house while my friend was on holiday? For the obvious reasons.

So the boy knows, is told each time his Dad goes away why he is not allowed a key, told he is not getting in the house and told to not drive people nuts about getting in the house. But always does drive people nuts.

I told this chap on the phone that I remember him on the phone to me the very same day that our friend went away on holiday four years ago the very last time I did this.

We are still on Saturday here, lol. The first day, lol.

Anyway when I finally got to the house around 4.15pm there was no son waiting outside. Well, I thought, it could not have been that important. Around 4.45pm the house phone rang three times which was unusual. I thought 'I bet it is him?' Then my mobile started ringing, yup it was him. It is now 5pm I told him I would be there at 4pm, he is half a dozen miles away with no car and now wants to come to the house. The house he does not live in any longer. I said … 'fine, I will be here' and ended up watching a documentary on volcanos. Some forty minutes later he then phones me, says he has stuff happening there and cannot come. Perhaps a girlfriend who is asking him why he is about to pay for a taxi to get home to do some rapping to two sings then come home again?

You think I am joking? I did say he has always thought he was going to be a big rap star, lol.

He once had an argument over not finding a job because he as going to be a big rap star and would not have believed this myself had I not been there to actually ear it myself!

Eventually I leave the house on my beaten up bike I got out and changed the inner-tube on so that I could lock it up at Sainsburys on the way home without worrying about it being nicked. Only … as I was cycling away from the house I thought … 'why does the front of my bike feel spongey?' and looked down to see I had a tyre with very little air in it and I had the wrong air pump to the wrong bike.

Straight home and no Sainsburys and no milk and other bits I needed.

Now it is Tuesday and I still have not go milk and last night I came home too buggered and I also realised I had hardly eaten anything. If you can count two cans of Monster,, oooh yeah I am feeling thirsty all the time, and four Twirls. Oh and a packet of McCoy's Salt & Vinegar Crisps. That was is all day. No food in the house and has not been for a week.

That was yesterday … Monday and only my second visit to the house to look after the pets.

How long is he away for? Only 5.5 Weeks. Yes that is five point five weeks!

So today I ave this feeling of illness mixed with anxiety, as I started of saying.

Only my life could be like this.

But then I never thought I would be here this year.

And yes that appointment in a couple of weeks because of the blackouts, seizure I had, hearing dropping off by around 30% (ears popping) and a couple of others that point towards a brain tumour? I said to someone it would be just soo typical of me that I will have all this shit to deal with after just being told something potentially traumatic.

Lol.

He does not return until three weeks after my appointment, though I am not likely to be told at the time I do not think. Unless they feel on the day after inspecting me and talking to me that I need a scan tat very same day?

I have not even told my mother yet who has just found out a friend of hers of many years as terminal cancer. A mother to some childhood friends of mine.

But hey, according to the DWP everyone is sitting around with nothing going on and can be fucked about unfairly and having their money cancelled unfairly.

Oh and I have meetings with Citizen's Advice an appointment for a colonoscopy I am still waiting for and of course a visit to the local council and a bloody form to fill in .. and documents to hand over and anything else that crops up over the next five weeks.

Plus my normal fatigue getting far worse and let us pray I do not lose the use of my legs again!

It is annoying at times because you feel as if either people do not believe your Fibromyalgia, do not realise what having Fibromyalgia is like or simply just do not care and are selfish? I just do not know.

The ill and the dread is all I seem destined to have.

ONE LONG ROAD OF PAIN

Ooh boy! Has today been a bad one and it is only 1.30pm!

First off I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, quite literally and to say it is not stressful ... well I would be lying.

It also turns out that not only have the naysayers now decreed that the positive parts including money is all bullshit, that they have taken it upon themselves to decide that all the previous stuff, much I was present at and recorded dozens of things, is all bullshit too.

Damaged egos, eh?! LMAO!

Added to that is I have a GP appointment where I am going to try once again to be referred to an Osteopath over my back pain.

Oh and the nausea.

Oh and I must remember to mention waking up to discover my left hand is digging into a tender area around the base of my neck, which was already spotted twice and then retracted by the NHS. This may be linked to the nausea, you see?

Which may be linked to the back pain that was also spotted twice and then retracted.

Being wrongly diagnosed, especially when you yourself know what it is, is one thing. But being diagnosed and then having things retracted?

Happened with not only my back, twice, but also my right knee twice and an inguinal hernia on my right side. Recordings of the Doctor in question being caught red-handed by me and admitting falsifying test results and then retracting that too! Lol.

If I ever told them in anger I was recording them I would never  have acquired as much as I have. Let them lie, let them think they are getting away with it. Move onto the next thing, let them build up a great deal of over-confidence in lying ...

...carry on recording. Mount it all up ... post it all on the Internet when you have far more than enough.

Watch as journalists, newspapers and TV idiots act no different to those they expose and steal your stuff, alter it, go after their own but similar story and you get nothing in the way of thanks for it.

Well I did say the whole blog was a trap?! Remember? LOL!

I have now confirmed that high blood pressure is linked to Fibromyalgia and in so doing discovered a new drug, Milnacipran (brand name Savella) that is reported to have better affects with Fibromyalgia sufferers than the totally cheap crap and wrong drugs they fob you off with, like Gabapentin and Amitriptyline.

It seems that this new Milnacipran works on specific neurotransmitters in the brain that are affected by Fibromyalgia Syndrome which itself is partly driven, or mostly, by not having the sleep where your body repairs itself, including the brain itself.

Yeaahh ... imagine that next time your thinking about your friend or family member having something you do not believe or think does no exist, because of idiot medical ... umm experts? I think not.

I know because I went through it for 13 years, though it turned out I had had FMS for closer to 20 years!

I am not going to get into the number of things the NHS destroyed by being both idiots, deaf and liars because I have mostly done that already. Spent 3.5 years almost doing that on this blog ...

... saving money? I think not!

It also mentions the other drug which is the only one that work on the cause of Fibromyalgia, lack of restorative sleep, Sodium oxybate (brand name Xyrem).

Please note that on the page in the link below that Gabapentin is Neurontin, the latter being the brand name which they seem to fail to mention.

Sodium oxybate (Xyrem) is the drug that Dr Kirkham, specialist ion Fibromyalgia at Guy's Hospital, had, to my complete shock, never heard of. I told him it was a shock to hear that as it is the one and only drug that deals with the core problem for people with Fibromyalgia.

In other words it is not only dealing with the pain, not masking it, but deals with he fatigue too. I think this goes double for Chronic Fatigue  Syndrome which I believe is just Fibromyalgia Syndrome in its early stages,

If you have come here about the drugs I mention of Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue, or other subjects for that matter ... you can search the archive! Lol.

So I am thinking about all that ... plus the two other things both concerning large amounts of money, one I do not want to be involved in and one I thought I was and now I am not ... how long for and why not I am in the dark about.

Of course as I stated previously my life has been made a living hell by the naysayers made up with those with damaged egos and those jealous with envy who do not want it to be true.

For the first time in several days I pop in to get something from a friends store and am on in serious back pain. I then decide to head to town for a brief pick up and head home. I bizarrely consider catching an unusual bus route home but miss a bus.

I am then walking down a long straight road I use and I get a third of the distance along it when ... WHAM! No George Michael has not crashed into another Prontoprint, or whatever it was, I get a sudden attack of one of my many other pains straight into my right foot!

I cannot walk! No buses down this road either! I stop for several minutes, lean onto my walking stick and wonder how a human is supposed to deal with this amount of pain, stress and thoughtlessness of others before trying to carry on. Two steps - bang, bang! Darn it this is seeming impossible.

Now here is the bit that no one considers nor asks about ... what do I at times like this? Well I have my walking stick and I stand there and think that there must be a walk that will keep the pain from firing off.

I walk with the heel on the right foot and try not to put the ball of my foot onto the pavement, it does not always work.

I limp and lean hard and my arms get tired and I switch arms and I feel light drops of rain on my face and think "please, no! Not fucking now!! You have made things hard enough at a tough time already, do not fucking rain now, its all you have done for week on end!!"

I look at the pavement stretching off into the distance. It suddenly looks a very long way away.

I have to make three major stops of several minutes, more leaning and questioning, along with a half a dozen stops of a few second here and there.

Despite actually thinking this was going to be the first time I was going to fail to get home., because of my location far from a bus stop, I struggled, bit my lip hard, got down deep and I worked through the pain and limped all the way home.

Oh how I wish that we could get just a week or two of some clear skies and wind free! You have no idea how much I so want some of those so that I can get out on my damned bike!

Because the other things I have to deal with, harder when your avoiding people, is the ever so annoying boredom!

The link to the drug I researched that holds the link to high blood pressure and Fibromyalgia along with the listed drugs above ... yes including the ones I get refused, like Pregabalin (brand name Lyrica) and the mentioned Sodium oxybate (brand name Xyrem), click the link ...

http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/treatments/medication.html

SHOCKINGLY LONG SYMPTOM LIST FOR FMS

Right now then...been working on this next bit for awhile now, since I discovered that I had Fibromyalgia.

Now I took recepeit of a couple of books the first I have had around two weeks and brand new and by a British author. Another was used, grubby and only arrived two days ago from America.

The latter book has a section in it for you to do a checklist of a run-down if symptoms which I will get to in a minute. The book is tiitled...

LIVING WITH CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME AND FIBROMYALGIA

by Mary J. Shomon

2004

Now I warn you now I got a real shock here. I have many, many problems but due to the major ones I do not really speak of the ones that are merely a pain in my arse, quite literally at times so it seems.

Now this CHECKLIST was absolutely astoundingly long.... I MEAN REALLY LONG. Now I will list the ones that affect me personally but there are another 30% more at least that do not apply to me.

I put in some funy comments and sometimes point out ones that are rare or do not have any more. Also you will note that some have the words 'Eleven Point Rule' in brackets as the author refers to the fact that in a particular section Fibromyalgia sufferers have at least, you guessed it, ELEVEN of them.

There is a section on a checklist of symptoms and here I have includud only the ones that I experience...

Those that the long list of really bad GPs and Specialists should have spotted are all in capital letters in brackets stating (ON MY [MEDICAL] RECORD)!

I am sure you can all come to your own cocnlusions regarding the NHS and the long list of hospitals, GPs, Sopecialists and others that have managed to miss this for way more than 13 years now, lol?

1. Irritible Bowel Syndrome (ON MY RECORD)
2. Mood Disorder (ON MY RECORD)
3. Nasal Problems (ON MY RECORD)
4. Ear Problems (ON MY RECORD)
5. Fatigue (That is unexplained medically) (ON MY RECORD)
6. Substantially Impaired Memory Problems
7. Sore Throats (ON MY RECORD)
8. Tender Neck
9. Muscle Pains (ON MY RECORD)
10. Headaches of Differing Types (ON MY RECORD)
11. Unrefreshing Sleep (ON MY RECORD)
12. Pain in Multiple Joints (ON MY RECORD)
13. Pain for three months (ON MY RECORD)
14. Pain base of skull left and right sides (Eleven Points)
15. Pain midway between neck and shoulders (Eleven Points) (ON MY RECORD)
16. Pain in Muscles over shoulder blades (Eleven Points) (ON MY RECORD)
17. Pain in Hip Bones (Eleven Points) (ON MY RECORD)
18. Pain in Buttocks (Eleven Points) (ON MY RECORD)
19. Pain in Knees (Eleven Points) (ON MY RECORD)
20. Pain in Upper Chest Bone (Eleven Points Rule)
21. General Muscle Pains (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
22. General Joint Pains (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
23. Stiffness in Morning (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
24. Joint stiffness after maintaining same position for a long time (Eleven Points Rule)
25. Pain in Upper Back (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
26. Pain in Lower Back (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
27. Pain in the Middle of Back (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
28. Pain in Neck and Shoulders (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
29. Pain carrying a Shoulder Bag (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
30. Sensetive nipples (stop laughing!!) (Eleven Points Rule)
31. Aching Pelvis (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
32. Pain in hip that radiates down the LEG (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
33. Sciatica (Eleven Points Rule) (ON MY RECORD)
34. Pain in tailbone, Coocyx (Eleven Points Rule) I get confused about the 18 areas after this as it just continues on...
35. Pain or cramps when you write or type (ON MY RECORD)
36. Carpal Tunnel like pains (was tested for this) (ON MY RECORD)
37. Difficulty holding things (saucepan in right hand) (ON MY RECORD)
38. Muscle Cramps (wake up screaming unable to talk) (ON MY RECORD)
39. Muscle Spasms (twitching can happen often)
40. Recurring tension headaches (ON MY RECORD)
41. General tiredness (ON MY RECORD)
42. Fatigue (ON MY RECORD)
43. Fatigue alternating with normalcy 
44. Extreme Exhaustion (seldom luckily)
45. Fatigue not relieved by rest
46. Flulike Body Fatigue (lost count of times thought I had flu but did not)
47. Exhaustion after physical and mental stress
48. Morning FOG (this that explains a lot)
49. Restless Legs (caffeine makes this worse) (ON MY RECORD)
50. Restless ARMS (see above) (ON MY RECORD)
51. Insomnia (CURSED INSOMNIA BANE OF MY LIFE) (ON MY RECORD)
52. Early waking (went through a year waking up exactly 4am after my father died) (ON MY RECORD)
53. Feeling like you cannot take a full breath
54. Feeling like you need to Yawn to take a full breath
55. Sinus night time stuffiness (raid 99p store for sinus sprays) (ON MY RECORD)
56. Thick nasal congestion that is difficult to clean (ooh boy so glad to see this one I was)
57. Trouble swallowing (ON MY RECORD)
58. Lump In Your Throat
59. Impaired attention spand (like you would not believe)
60. Poor Memory (ON MY RECORD)
61. Poor Memory (sorry could not resist that, lol)
62. Short term memory (and cannot remember what you went to the store for)
63. Easily distracted (yes so I said to him I am gonna knock you...oh wait a minute! LOL)
64. Remebering things you have seen
65. Word substitution
66. Feelings or worthlessness (ON MY RECORD)
67. Anxiety (ON MY RECORD)
68. Panic attacks (increased heart rate) (ON MY RECORD)
69. Claustrophobia
70. Sensation of burning feet (years ago for about a year)
71. Numbness or Tingling sensations (ON MY RECORD)
72. Sensetive to temperature changes
73. Sensitive to changes in the weather (ON MY RECORD)
74. Sensitive to changes in humidity (ON MY RECORD)
75. Sensitivity to cold hands
76. Sensitivity to lights and brightness
77. Sensetivity to flourescent lights
78. Night blindness (oncoming cars on single carriageways)
79. Eye floaters
80. Dry Mouth (Mostly when waking)
81. More frequent cavities (are you SERIOUS?! LOL) (ON MY RECORD)
82. Gum Disease (ON MY RECORD)
83. Bruxism (Tooth Grinding)
84. Cliking and Painful Jaw (ON MY RECORD)
85. Pain in temples
86. Toothaches unexplained by dental problems
87. Irritible Bladder
88. Diarrhea (ON MY RECORD)
89. Constipation (ON MY RECORD)
90. Diarrhea and Constipation ALTERNATING (oh my...GOD!) (ON MY RECORD)
91. Bloating
92. Nausea (ON MY RECORD)
93. Indigestion (ON MY RECORD)
94. Heartburn (ON MY RECORD)
95. Stomach Ulcers (ON MY RECORD)
96. Hypoglycaemia known as Fibroglycaemia
97. Dizziness (ON MY RECORD)
98. Dizziness on Rising and Moving (ON MY RECORD)
99. Vertigo
100. Dizzyness triggered by patterns in floors
101. Clumsiness
102. Spilling food or Drink while eating or drinking
103. Fainting (ON MY RECORD)
104. Dry Skin, Peeling skin (ON MY RECORD)
105. Acne (ON MY RECORD)
106. Ridges in fingernails
107. Swollen feeling in abdomen or side
108. Heart palpatations, skipped heartbeats
109. Rapid heartbeat (ON MY RECORD)
110. Chest Wall Pain … Costochondryitis (ON MY RECORD)
111. Tinnitus (ON MY RECORD)
112. Decreased Appetite
113. Increased Thirst
114. Carbohydrates Cravings especially sweets
115. Attracting Mosquitoes
116. Insect Bites become more swollen and hard
117. OTHERS FACTORS...
118. Physical Injuries (TWO CAR ACCIDENTS)
119. Toxic Exposure (Mercury)
120. Severe Life Stress (ON MY RECORD)

Oh and I am STILL awaiting my new GP surgery, LMAO!

HEAVY EYELID UPDATE & CMT INTERNATIONAL EMAIL

I heard back from the Charcot Marie Tooth people and was told that my GP is talking rubbish, exact quote but no names, lol. But then I already knew this!

Was told that Professor Mary Reilly gets her patients this way and I told her not to worry as I am about to catch them all in the act and absolutely red handed. I now have the means and the method and a plan has been concocted that is pure brilliance. Now I just need to make an appointment and attend and the rest will be child's play quite literally.

They also said that Professor Mary Reilly would likely not answer my email for fear of not treading on the toes of other professionals?! So I said if I meet any i would let them both know!!

LMFAO!! A dig only at those I have MET, you understand.

Well the eyelids closing still persists and I have wondered if I maybe should not have switched over to caffeine free tea bags, caffeine aggravates Restless Leg Syndrome as I stated quite some time ago in the life of this blog.

Maybe if I had stuck with the caffeine maybe this really distracting sleepy eye lid thing would not be nearly so bad as it is?!

It is very, VERY distracting and every now and then I have to push my head to the bac until it comes to rest on the sofa and then close my eyes! It is a bloody battle to keep them open and its just grows ever harder and then impossible altogether and very weird indeed!

I do not know if I mentioned but the several hours I was at the hospital alone my eyelids were like this the whole time but when my mate returned I found it easy to keep them open, but then most of the horrid feelings and pain seemed to subside and typical it was while I finally saw the Doctor?! Oops I digress I meant to say that I did not actually sleep at all and yet I was terrified I would and wake up to find my rucksack had been stolen as it contained my Barr & Stroud 8x42 Bird Watching Binoculars and my Olympus SP-820UZ Bridge Camera which are my two prize possessions currently.

Would be this HP Pavilion DV7 laptop if it was not so bloody crap! LOL.

Just bloody typical I am back to normal just as the Doctor finally sees me?! Lol!

THE FIGHT TO REMAIN UPSTANDING

Now that headline might appear to mean one thing when indeed it actually means something else completely different.

As others now I have spent the last week messing around with a new operating system on my laptop and in the process lost my old one. The one I am currently using is a Linux OS called Ubuntu 12.04 LTS using Unity.

The one I have lost until I find away to return it as it was is Windows 7.

I have lost some applications, games, programs and files in the process though this should only prove to be temporary and for 2 to 4 weeks.

Now I am currently trying to install drivers that have caused a headache and all of the problems for the last 8 or 9 days. I am TRYING to get my graphics to work on my laptop under Ubuntu. Currently I have been attempting to install the drivers for the last hour and god knows how much longer it will take and if it will succeed at all.

But that is NOT what this post is about and I only state that to make it clear as to WHY I have been pacing around the house and am a bit lost with myself...

For sometime now I have had something a bit odd going on with me and I had put this down to the Charcot Marie Tooth Disease that I did, and still, bet the proverbial farm on that I suffer with, oh yeah still have to upload that sound file?!

Today while waiting for things to happen on my laptop I keep feeling dizzy and light headed and this happens a great deal. Sometimes I have mentioned it in posts and other times I have not.

It is weird and fecking horrid if I am totally honest and it feels like I want to sleep all the time. The mad thing is it only seems to occur when I am indoors and not doing much. Or waiting around for something like I am now.

Oops just checked something as my fan speed altered and I thought something had finished?! Turns out no it has not.

For the longest time this occurred only now and then and its kind of like that out of it feeling you sometimes get just prior to going down with a bad case of flu! Like when people say they do not feel right and think they are coming down with something?!

Only the feeling is becoming more frequent and stronger as time goes on and its becoming more than just an annoying distraction. I have had plenty of sleep and it is not like that feeling of lack of sleep but different. I have taken pills so it is not withdrawal that has crept up on me unnoticed.

This is kind of the thing I have to deal with every single day only my body presents my mind with new tricks and new obstacles.

I really HATE doing nothing I really do. I hate staying in the house and I know my house is pretty small but I honestly do not know if I ended up in a house four times the size a year from now and possessed a big garden and a greenhouse I really could not tell you at all if this would change!

My mind wants to stay active and you could claim that I am hyperactive to a degree...

Only many parts of my body, including even my head at the moment, are the exact opposite. Different parts bitch and groan in different ways entirely and with differing frequencies as well as different levels of bitching and groaning.

Only of late this is now being accompanied by a lethargic and light headedness that feels as if I am intoxicated to just beyond the point when you start regretting it!

Intoxication is exactly they way to describe it. As if I had taken to much drugs, had a drug administered without my knowledge and possibly my mind is thinking to when I was stuck in the loo and the force of pressure that my Vagus Nerve experienced that forced my blood pressure to drop, cold sweats and a feeling of overheating and then heart attack and breathlessness came over me before passing out. I did actually mention this in brief to Doctor Mort yesterday and I mentioned the Vagus Nerve and I think he laughed if I recall correctly. A look of surprise that I knew about the Vagus Nerve and that I had passed out. I did actually say that I wonder if my Hiatus Hernia is pressing on it at all and why I have these dizzy and lethargic periods?!

In fact I had spent 30 minutes wondering whether to just go out, which I have not done all day and also waiting for this darned program to install, or post about it just so that I have this on record, so to speak.

I decided on the latter, always good to have it on record but that when I get days like this sitting in front of my laptop screen only makes it worse.

I am LOSING on the SWING, I am LOSING on the ROUNDABOUTS!

Sorry that was a line sung by Fish when he was with Marillion, lol. Just popped into my head and thought it apt for the points I have often tried to get across?!

As the Charcot Marie Tooth listed Fatigue as one of its many symptoms I experience I was then pleased to finally have an answer tot that...

When you have a lot of things going wrong with you and only have 5% of the answers it is annoying. I am sure there are people that have not had a proper diagnosis to just one or two things for many years that can tell you the same. If the read this and the rest of the blog and realise that this amounts to a dozen or more going back up to twenty years I am sure they would do a double take and re-read the post just to make sure they had not read something wrong, lol.

Yes it is not nice and hence why periods of me being funny, witty and comical and can interspersed with ire and anger due to what I have to deal with while doing chores and errands I am finding it harder to do all the time.

This is probably one reason am an so charged up over things as well as passionate about things I type and post about. Why I get outraged at greed by so many out there when it is obvious these people do not know what suffering is.

This is where their downfall lies in all honesty as those that do suffer and have now been repeatedly and savagely kicked in the nether regions by the government will come out of corner like that of a caged animals gnashing and snarling as they come.

This is why I like to let loose on here when I do feel enraged at things. To show that not only am I human but what it will be like for people with lives of suffering and pain. Especially those who have had no help from no one while the ravishing wolves bark at your door.

Bark enough and what will emerge is something that would make a Polar Bear blush!!