ONGOING REVELATIONS

I have come by more information regarding the Department of Work and Pensions and yet not found anything out just yet about a programme that was on TV about this.

There was a major feck up by my Job Centre. Last week after leaving the JSA lady and exiting the building an unknown number rang my phone. When I answered it was the lady I had just met on the third floor, she told me the system had double booked an appointment and could they move it forward several hours.

When I got in their this week someone went and sat down with the woman I thought I was seeing and I started to get confused and then wondered if they had booked me with someone else and did not tell me?

Eventually I was called by a lady I met once before and who I got chatting with about orchids. At first she did not remember me but when I mentioned the orchids she did. We got chatting and she told me that no one there agrees with what the DWP are doing or their attitudes towards benefit claimants. She even told me that she was told at times that she herself was too soft with claimants?!

She went on to say that the Job Centre was run really badly and that it never used to be like that and I explained what happened with the mess up with the appointment. I also even told her about my disagreement with the DWP and that I should not be going there and have been told as much and that there is a legal battle about to go on. She raised an eyebrow and said “Really?” and I told her that being shunted onto JSA did not mean a great deal to me when it happened as I had long wanted to find something to do part-time anyway.

I was surprised for the second time about someone being so candid with me and I told her that I had already been told this by a chap in the floor beneath her in Universal Credit and she was surprised to hear this despite knowing who I was talking about.

I asked her about the programme on TV and told her my landlord had mentioned it but she knew nothing about it either.

I am starting to wonder whether it was some brief TV news report somewhere but I am sure the word 'documentary' was mentioned?

It was admitted to me that the whole thing was a screw up on just about every level and that many of the staff did not know whether they were coming or going half the time.

I pointed out how there are now 6 departments where there were only three and that they now intend to make these six departments into just one and she glared at me and said “I knooow!” lol.

There is one thing I did not mention at the Job Centre and regarding my health conditions, that of the pills they have refused me for years. The drugs. Now that I have mentioned this I cannot even remember if I have mentioned this on my blog. The drugs … or at least what has happened recently over these drugs.

Best three drugs for Fibromyalgia Syndrome in order of effectiveness …

• Sodium Oxybate – Xyrem and the only one to deal with the source problem of non-restorative sleep
• Milnacipran – Seems to be specific to the pain receptor fired off in Fibromyalgia so sounding like an accidental discovery?
• Pregabalin

Which of these do I get?

NONE OF THEM!

Yup you read that right … none of them.

But wait a minute? Are they not now trying to force me into full time work? Yup. But they refuse to give me the drugs that could, with two, ,and WOULD, with one, ,make almost all my symptoms disappear overnight. Except my back problem that they had also lied about and despite having nmy own x-rays of that are on this blog!

Oops!

Except … as it turned out several people I know actually take Pregabalin, a better version of my Gabapentin, and were so shocked to hear my stories of refusal and being kicked off surgeries and falsifying documents that someone … donated some of theirs for me to try. Lol.

Now just last night I was asked if I was going to try them straight away and I said I did not know and they got annoyed with me, stating that I said I had wanted them for so long.

I then pointed out two things … that they may force me into full time work before long and if I take them and they do work there is absolutely no guarantee that my GP will give me them and that his brother, my previous GP, and my two previous GP's at two previous practices had ALSO both refused me Pregabalin over a five year period.

In other words these pills are precious to me, which is really odd as I have no idea if they will work or not, and that they may be the only ones I get in a long while, as getting them is likely to lead to me … changing to my sixth GP practice in Enfield. Do not doubt that last statement … I have already been through five in the same catchment area without moving home and I know how this always goes. An argument too start with and then all hell breaks loose, lol. Plus there is no guarantee I will get the prescription from the NEXXT GP either!

BUT … going though all that will be worth if for one reason and one reason only … the gloves will be off, a heap of stuff winds up on my blog and I guarantee that this time around the blogs will actually make some money for the first time ever and become regular before long. So there is that! Lol.

Sooo what I will do is try them for a week but check how I have to come off Gabapentin first before going on the infamous Pregabalin.

Then there is Christmas … this time it is going to be an even more lonely one than it normally is but I am used to that … mostly.

Had a bust up with the one I normally am at, at Christmas time and so I have gotten out of hearing a load of crap but not being preoccupied by others.

Yes it seems to be always happening and al happening of late and there is plenty of signs it will stay like this until the Spring?

Oddly enough the one thing I thought would happen in November which was potentially the biggest of al the things that could happen did not happen. But yeah I have kind of gotten used to that too the only thing is that this failed a year ago and the trouble it caused me could well have happened all over again. Well it kinda did as this was what I got into an argument about after finally divulging to someone I told a couple of others to keep in the dark about. Yeeah … that did not go well land I got the usual narcissistic attitude with flailing arms and a brick wall. Despite the fact that you are NOT ALLOWED under ANY CIRCUSMTANCES to EVER DO THAT TO THEM! Otherwise everyone gets to hear about it for 5 to 10 years.

Their reasons are always valid while yours are not … she fits the profile of an Social Justice Warrior to a 'T' and even thinks of themselves as a socialist, lol.

Oh yup I did not know that Social Justice Warriors were a thing until recently but that does not mean I have not heard some of the bat-shit crazy ideas beforehand and I have from right within my own family! They have changed their minds on some things bat-shit crazy but not on others and still even on the things they changed their minds about still goes into that whole socialism lecture based on half-truths and bullshit! Now THAT I and we have had for around 20 years plus.

What they do not know is that my counsellor blames them for several of my … let us say limitations? I do not but I could see why she said them and there may well be a contribution but … no.

My condition of Fibromyalgia Syndrome is the cause of the actual problems but there may well be an argument that this family member has contributed in some way? Oh yeah they certainly make it worse and no one stops and says to them, when they are crying to everyone else for sympathy, well you should not DO that with him. What they do is downright bloody rude to any normal person and the fact that they do it with someone with a known memory problem just makes it ten times worse than it otherwise would be.

They will think of something they want to talk about when your telling your anecdotes and feel it is so important they will interrupt you, which is rude before anything else is considered.

You will try to stop them and point out their story is not relevant to what you were just talking about and to win the argument and gain control of the floor they will say “Because you have not let me finish!” What should take five minutes then takes 30 minutes or more and when finished guess what? It still bears no relevance to what I was just talking about and she insists that it does. Well maybe in your warped world it does but to everyone else and that is what matters, it DOES NOT!

But despite that looking ad it is never that simple as when they talk they then meander off moist of the time to another subject and then another. So you have been interrupted and with a really bad memory problem forced to wait for like an hour or even more until they have told you several stories, none of which are relevant.

In my recent row they turned to their partner and some point and said “What was I saying just now?” and to show you as I told my counsellor that they just do not get it … their partner answered “I don't know, first you was talking about one thing ,then you started talking about something else and then moved onto something else!”

Did this person even show a face that she had just been shown up and proved to be in the wrong by their own partner? Umm NO!

What really gets my goat up is afterwords … I am the villain!

But let us recount points and summarise?

• You interrupted … which is rude so in the wrong immediately
• You spoke about something not relevant to that you subject you interrupted so wrong number TWO (example interrupt explanation on CRPS because this most painful condition has the word 'complex' in it and their unproven epilepsy is … umm … complex!)
• I get annoyed because it is rude and I suffer from memory loss, both well known facts but I am the villain, LMAO!

Does that sound like a Social Justice Warrior much?

The truth is ignored because what they think and feel is more important and relevant.

I have had friends meet them and apologise to me because they thought my description is unfair when the truth is both they and other people run when they see her coming. I have known this to occur with one man and two separate women. Reason? “If that woman seems me she will come straight over, complain bout her kids and how they cause her terrible stress for two or three hour straight!” Yeah … literally run!”

I forgot … there is one other person that fell out with them … their own cousin and over the exact same thing.

This is the bit I tell other family members I simply do not get … they fall out with everyone but it is NEVER EVER their fault. In fact when it was their cousin she lied about it for a couple of years,, in an argument I told them I knew the truth. They leave it for a year like you have a memory like a sieve and then go back to telling the story, how stressful it was and back to telling the same lies about it.

I caught my Mind counsellor with her mouth open a little in shock and she went on to say that this must have been a dreadful thing to bear for such a long time and I simply smiled and said “Yeah, it has been”.

And it was over someone else who has let me down yet again … promising two things and failing to deliver on either promise. Go figure?

So my counsellor figured out why I have trust issues while she wondered why I even started bothering blogging to help others? I told her that I had asked myself that on many, many occasions. But at the end of the day it was still the right and honourable thing to do and I keep telling myself that there must be people out there WORTH helping even if I never see any evidence of that or very rarely do.

It is also all that I have.

After all I am only five years away from being on top of the ages that both my father and Uncle died and did not want to leave this life leaving nothing in the way of a legacy behind.

The faint hope that I could make people see and point them in the right directions and thought patterns that may change a country and maybe … just maybe … in time a world?

A first video on YouTube in awhile … the Pregabalin tablets and a recap of what I experienced with three separate GP Surgeries in Enfield and how and why I was not given these pills …

THE ROAD TO EUPHORIA

I am not sure what is happening to me or what to do about it.

Today I had one of those afternoons where I am in effect, high. As in 'high as a kite', intoxicate or stoned!

I had been out to pick up something and just have a quick scan around at phones in these gadget shops as well as phone shops. Need to replace my phone, have one in mind and I seem to find it's sister phones, it little brothers but not the one I want. Which is a Motorola Moto X Style. Did want the Moto X Force but then found it is not entirely waterproof as it seems to suggest kn adverts.

I have had a great many Motorola phones and going backwards a Moto G, Motorola Atrix ( do ... NOT get me started on that phone), Motorola Defy and some odd other models going back the the StarTacs.

I have had others too.

Looked in half a dozen places over the last couple days and not found the one I want but not in a position to buy just yet so just looking. Idea being if I found one I would put down half the money.

There is one I have thought about getting in my local Game Store but it is a previous, 2nd, generation model and no SD Card reader. Only 16GB too. I have a 8GB Moto G and I would never have a phone with low memory ever again. Do not get me wrong the phone has been great for the money but you are just so limited with what you can do and install on the phone. You can forget music.

Anyhoo I had to pick up some things from a friends shop but when I got home I was a little out of it so I waited it out a couple of hours. Instead I felt sleepy so I went out as I did not want to go out tomorrow. As I was walking along I suddenly noticed I was walking along normally, which is rare as I normally limp, and my pains had died down. I suspected I was having one of these weird afternoons I have had recently where this does happen but then I end up feeling a little ... 'high' and I mean ... STONED 'high'. Like you have had a weak spliff, or cannabis.

As I was walking I started to feel it coming on and to my shock I continued on even higher and I even started getting the 'munchies'. If you do not know you get these cravings to eat when your stoned on cannabis. It is very weird and very enjoyable, even a little euphoric at times.

I was nearing a local shop and all I could think about was drinking and sugary things and when I went in I bought a can of Monster Ripper, I normally go for the green standard one, a carton of Orange Juice and a Snickers Duo along with chocolate raisins, strawberry pencils and some fizzy blue bottle ... things. Oh I recall the packet saying 'Bubblegum Flavour'.

I felt like Francine Smith in an episode of American Dad where she lets Jeff, Hayley's husband, smoke cannabis which he gets on prescription for his very over active libido. She gets stoned with him when she gives in, catching him ... well, pulling it several times, and downs a bottle of orange drink of something or other. Cannot recall what she called the drink, lol.

I downed everything as I was walking along and carried on getting higher and just wanted to stop walking and sit down. It was mad ... I kept thinking about just sitting on the floor or a wall and before long I did!

I eventually moved along but sat down again. Eventually moved along and then sat down yet again. I sat down around four times over a distance of about 100 metres. It was mad.

I get to my friend's shop around 4pm and I was very lucky as he was closing early, had to pick up his daughter from somewhere or other I think he said.

I had consumed everything by the time I reached him, grabbed what I needed, paid him and left.

Around another 200 metres later I started feeling like I was coming down but still remained light headed. I recall wondering if it was like some type of diabetes thing and that the sugar or perhaps something else, like caffeine, had brought me back up?

If I am in when this happens I wake up in the dark wondering what happened and most of the time do not recall falling asleep.

This is when I would get one of the major fits, or grand mal if that what it was. I always feel light headed first and it is always in the afternoons and early evenings ... it is very weird and you could set your watch to it.

About 1pm in the afternoon is when it would start and around 4pm is when it is at its strongest.

Now I have been ordered to go to A&E if I was to have another full blown fit and am also awaiting a hospital appointment letter, along with a colonoscopy letter too.

I had considered going to the hospital, bad time of the day for me and public transport, as the feeling might give the positive results needed to any tests done on me at the hospital. But then again they may not do and I may waste my time.

I deliberate over it and I still needed some things for home, like milk I have tried to remember buying for three days, and decided not to go to hospital. Me travelling on packed trains and buses is an absolute no-no and this is me being both cautious and responsible. I have one other problem with travelling on buses, less so trains except tube trains, and this is when it is hot.

I do not handle the heat well ... I really, really hate it and have done for years and often think about living in the antarctic! Or Siberia!

I will experience increasing pain if I am forced to stand still for more than a few minutes and with that I get short tempered and someone rude will be knocked unconscious in the blink of an eye. That is me being ... RESPONSIBLE!

That is only the feet pain and not being able to handle heat.

There are a great many other things in things in my pain list and there is also a separate list for embarrassing things that could occur that often stresses me out no end.

Then there is the blacking out and now these seizures. It is just too much and if not for these things I would have had a job and actually something to do and get me out of this damned house, long, long ago!

It is funny as this feeling I get is quite weird and edges closer and closer to euphoria until your completely feeling euphoric. A great many people would pay good money to feel like this but when it happens when it feels like it at some point in the afternoon and you live on your own it is becoming a major bug-bare. Things are hard enough as they are without this screwing things up.

So there I was walking down this road and heading straight for Euphoria.

I do not know if it just something else developing and you have to understand that with 120 symptoms there is always something knew developing every now and then. Or perhaps it is a drug I have recently been prescribed or an interaction between this new drug, Methocarbamol, and something else.

• Methocarbamol 2x 750mg
• Metoclopramide (cannot be bothered to look lol)
• Lansoprazole 30mg
• Quinine Sulphate (50mg?)
• Ramipril 10mg
• Amitriptyline 30mg
• Gabapentin 500mg
• Atrovastatin
• Tramadol

Hmm now that I am typing that out ... I remember getting to 900mg daily of Gabapentin and it making me ill and nauseous during the afternoons?

Maybe that taking it for long periods the same thing happens? Just takes longer?

That is how I got into a row with a GP that led me to discover they knew I had Fibromyalgia two years before I self-diagnosed it.

As I told a Jehovah's Witness recently who gets Pregabalin ... they refused to give it to me several times and the first time I asked was because Gabapentin was a horrid drug, cheap crap and makes not only me ill but everyone I have spoken to that ever took it except for one single guy. Oddly this guy that took it amazed me because he was taking 2700mg, two thousand seven hundred, daily without issues and did not understand why so many people had real problems with it. Most I have read about had issues long before reaching 1000mg per day.

I am going to drop the dose of Gabapentin and see what happens?

I just realised something else ... if it is the Gabapentin then it is this drug that caused an increase in my seizures to the point of passing out completely for ten minutes?! It simply has to be.

They knew I had a Hypertension problem along with a postural hypotension problem. So I have to risk dying now because the drugs I need are not allowed or too expensive for someone like me as I am seen as worthless? Nice! 

LMAO!

THE MISSING MOTIVATION

I am just lacking in energy and drive of late.

I have hardly been out of the house the last two days and I am struggling to find something to motivate me today, really, really most unlike me.

The weather is crap and looks to stay that way a number of days, marvellous.

Plus there was some bizarre name dropping recently and some information reached my ears that not only did no one tell me but involves someone I recently mentioned.

God, I hate it when the men I know allow the egos to rule them.

There has also been a death in the family though I found out several days late, as one member of the family has failed to delete a five year old mobile phone number from her phone despite being asked to do this a dozen times.

Also my sister is expecting her first ever baby, and I wish her luck with that. However she is finding and will continue to find over the next ten months that we now live in a country lacking compassion, despite the number of help, advice and support organisations there claims to be out there.

This will hit her hard as she has worked her backside of for twenty years or more often at the expense of many things friends and family related.

She is already living with ... well 'in laws' despite them both working because the house prices and rent prices went way beyond ridiculous over a decade ago.

Stupid, stupid prices that are not realistic in any way only made worse by the constant influx of you know who combined with the lack of building both cheap homes and social housing. Then you factor in to all this the growing number of Londoners, though there aren't many left.

Good God I really lack energy, I really do.

There are things I need to get and have done a couple of days and trying to use these menial chores to get my arse out of my door.

None helped by the fact I am stuck in a rut I never saw myself being in at this moment in time.

And I STILL need to replace my damn camera! LMAO!

Oh and a prescription pill has disappeared into a gap, as it did about two weeks back, in my throat and I only know as something is seeping out and burning like hell as it does so!

I cannot have this happening any longer and will discuss this with a dozen other things at my next GP appointment.Good God it burns ...

One of the following ...

• Gabapentin (which I oddly have wanted replacing years ago) - Fibromyalgia
• Tramadol (which needs either upping or replacing with something better) - Back Pain
• Ramipril (This not been checked for an age now ..) - Stage 2 Hypertension
• Oh its 173 Systolic and 108 Diastolic, Blood Pressure, so yeah not dealth with
• Atrovastatin - Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol
• Lansoprazole ( I have wanted Nexium for 4 years or so) Oesophagitis, Hiatus Hernia
• Metoclopramide - Bad nausea, Postural Hypotension, travelling on Bus in Cars or just in thoue HOUSE
• Quinine Sulphate - Night Cramps, really bad night cramps, I cannot speak a single word
• Amitriptyline - Fibromyalgia
• As the first three are contained in capsules I will assume that it was one of those three getting stuck?! Need LIDOCAINE!!

ONE LONG ROAD OF PAIN

Ooh boy! Has today been a bad one and it is only 1.30pm!

First off I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, quite literally and to say it is not stressful ... well I would be lying.

It also turns out that not only have the naysayers now decreed that the positive parts including money is all bullshit, that they have taken it upon themselves to decide that all the previous stuff, much I was present at and recorded dozens of things, is all bullshit too.

Damaged egos, eh?! LMAO!

Added to that is I have a GP appointment where I am going to try once again to be referred to an Osteopath over my back pain.

Oh and the nausea.

Oh and I must remember to mention waking up to discover my left hand is digging into a tender area around the base of my neck, which was already spotted twice and then retracted by the NHS. This may be linked to the nausea, you see?

Which may be linked to the back pain that was also spotted twice and then retracted.

Being wrongly diagnosed, especially when you yourself know what it is, is one thing. But being diagnosed and then having things retracted?

Happened with not only my back, twice, but also my right knee twice and an inguinal hernia on my right side. Recordings of the Doctor in question being caught red-handed by me and admitting falsifying test results and then retracting that too! Lol.

If I ever told them in anger I was recording them I would never  have acquired as much as I have. Let them lie, let them think they are getting away with it. Move onto the next thing, let them build up a great deal of over-confidence in lying ...

...carry on recording. Mount it all up ... post it all on the Internet when you have far more than enough.

Watch as journalists, newspapers and TV idiots act no different to those they expose and steal your stuff, alter it, go after their own but similar story and you get nothing in the way of thanks for it.

Well I did say the whole blog was a trap?! Remember? LOL!

I have now confirmed that high blood pressure is linked to Fibromyalgia and in so doing discovered a new drug, Milnacipran (brand name Savella) that is reported to have better affects with Fibromyalgia sufferers than the totally cheap crap and wrong drugs they fob you off with, like Gabapentin and Amitriptyline.

It seems that this new Milnacipran works on specific neurotransmitters in the brain that are affected by Fibromyalgia Syndrome which itself is partly driven, or mostly, by not having the sleep where your body repairs itself, including the brain itself.

Yeaahh ... imagine that next time your thinking about your friend or family member having something you do not believe or think does no exist, because of idiot medical ... umm experts? I think not.

I know because I went through it for 13 years, though it turned out I had had FMS for closer to 20 years!

I am not going to get into the number of things the NHS destroyed by being both idiots, deaf and liars because I have mostly done that already. Spent 3.5 years almost doing that on this blog ...

... saving money? I think not!

It also mentions the other drug which is the only one that work on the cause of Fibromyalgia, lack of restorative sleep, Sodium oxybate (brand name Xyrem).

Please note that on the page in the link below that Gabapentin is Neurontin, the latter being the brand name which they seem to fail to mention.

Sodium oxybate (Xyrem) is the drug that Dr Kirkham, specialist ion Fibromyalgia at Guy's Hospital, had, to my complete shock, never heard of. I told him it was a shock to hear that as it is the one and only drug that deals with the core problem for people with Fibromyalgia.

In other words it is not only dealing with the pain, not masking it, but deals with he fatigue too. I think this goes double for Chronic Fatigue  Syndrome which I believe is just Fibromyalgia Syndrome in its early stages,

If you have come here about the drugs I mention of Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue, or other subjects for that matter ... you can search the archive! Lol.

So I am thinking about all that ... plus the two other things both concerning large amounts of money, one I do not want to be involved in and one I thought I was and now I am not ... how long for and why not I am in the dark about.

Of course as I stated previously my life has been made a living hell by the naysayers made up with those with damaged egos and those jealous with envy who do not want it to be true.

For the first time in several days I pop in to get something from a friends store and am on in serious back pain. I then decide to head to town for a brief pick up and head home. I bizarrely consider catching an unusual bus route home but miss a bus.

I am then walking down a long straight road I use and I get a third of the distance along it when ... WHAM! No George Michael has not crashed into another Prontoprint, or whatever it was, I get a sudden attack of one of my many other pains straight into my right foot!

I cannot walk! No buses down this road either! I stop for several minutes, lean onto my walking stick and wonder how a human is supposed to deal with this amount of pain, stress and thoughtlessness of others before trying to carry on. Two steps - bang, bang! Darn it this is seeming impossible.

Now here is the bit that no one considers nor asks about ... what do I at times like this? Well I have my walking stick and I stand there and think that there must be a walk that will keep the pain from firing off.

I walk with the heel on the right foot and try not to put the ball of my foot onto the pavement, it does not always work.

I limp and lean hard and my arms get tired and I switch arms and I feel light drops of rain on my face and think "please, no! Not fucking now!! You have made things hard enough at a tough time already, do not fucking rain now, its all you have done for week on end!!"

I look at the pavement stretching off into the distance. It suddenly looks a very long way away.

I have to make three major stops of several minutes, more leaning and questioning, along with a half a dozen stops of a few second here and there.

Despite actually thinking this was going to be the first time I was going to fail to get home., because of my location far from a bus stop, I struggled, bit my lip hard, got down deep and I worked through the pain and limped all the way home.

Oh how I wish that we could get just a week or two of some clear skies and wind free! You have no idea how much I so want some of those so that I can get out on my damned bike!

Because the other things I have to deal with, harder when your avoiding people, is the ever so annoying boredom!

The link to the drug I researched that holds the link to high blood pressure and Fibromyalgia along with the listed drugs above ... yes including the ones I get refused, like Pregabalin (brand name Lyrica) and the mentioned Sodium oxybate (brand name Xyrem), click the link ...

http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/treatments/medication.html

THE FRUIT BEARING TREES

It is a tiring thought at all the ideas that I put into practise that I know will take time and effort but have trouble doing...enough.

I feel like I have been at mt blogs for half a lifetime and wonder to the day things will all fall into place?

It does not help that I have had an extrememly unproductive year and to give an idea of this my YouTube videos should number over 2,000 by now but hardly krept up from the 1,100 or so from one year ago. Considering my one YouTube account acts primarily as a back up for a dozen blogs on a dozen subjects, that...is...terrible! Lol.

I should have been in a very good position by now but due to one thing and another this has not quite reached the heady heights I wanted it to.

Now I have to admit that yes it still could have done. The factors that meddled with things could have been batted away with a simple swipe of the hand. But this would require....how do I put tthis? Help.

During 2015 this very notion of help...or really more correctly support, will become more prevalant and it is hard to explain why right now.

Much of things that I have said seem cryptic throughout the life of this blog and they were quite deliberately so. It might seem very long winded to many but this simply could not have been helped not just because of the size of the enemies I went up against but because of the people I have tried to convey all this too.

People to me seem to have a very difficult time comprehending proof put before them. Why? I simply do not know. If I did my life would have been so much simpler than it is and has been. If everything was easy and straightforawrd I would never, EVER have to have started this blog. By that I meant I simply only had to go to the news media and the job was done. I suspected, however, that they were corrupt also based purely on their respective owners so I could not rely on that.

They did as I feared they would do, nothing...nothing at all not even a letter to say I was a raving lunatic, lol. Hmm or an email as I contacted each and every one of the big names in both formats. It was merely a test to see what was what with the news media and I am afraid each and every one failed. The odd thing is I only ever had one conversation with what I had, prior to the blog of course, and that was with Max Clifford's secretary!

So yeah you could say that the corruption was spread wider than even I thought it had and people thought I was mad, lol. No just smart, able to see things others do not and...I like to think...a visionary. True that the jury is till out on this last one. Until 2015 I would wager?

I, rather annoyingly, do not work. Or to be more accuarate I do not have a job. As I said this is most annoying. I thought that working on this for so long it would feel like I had a job, was doing something, was contributing to society (you see that?!) and helping others. It does feel half the time like I am helping others. It does not, however, feel like a job. But then I am not entirely sure what a job is and whether its somethintg that suits me. I think a career would be more apt a term in this instance.

My point is, is that I have wanted to do something for sometime and I simply cannot find anything hat fits in with everything I have going on. I mean the health, the other rubbish and ... other things besides. A career is not the only thing that I cannot fit into this web of crap I call my life and many others are plainly obvious as you delved further into my older posts.

I thought now that the winter has arrived I would be planning out my next big thing knowing it was a full gone conclusion but as yet I am not. I have to hope that I have a good Spring and Summer 2015 and next year the nest things will be falling into place?

Of course next year means nearing 3.5 years and this opens up a whole new can of worms and then some. Three and a half years that all this has been made available along with anything else I have acquired in the next year. Hmm I could go after a follow up investigation to my knee? Oh, listen to me 'a follow up'? I forgot, they left that diagnosis out of the letter from Guy's Hospital and I have still YET to listen to the all important part of that recording?! Hmm hold up there a minute?!

Right a little work in progress here but I have am finally listening to the damned tape! Takes me soo long to get around to things ...

Currently having trouble pinpointing the yelling out due to knee but found that at...

38 minutes and 14 seconds that he mentions I have the knee problem.

Its annoying the quality could be better in places but I could hardly stop and say "Ooh just a minute while I just fiddle with the audio recorder I am secretly recording you with?

The intention was to get a letter to the GP that was different to what was said on the day. If no one had realised this, sorry I did think it was obvious and sorry if it was not.

OK I think I was looking in the wrong half of the recording, it is...errr over 55 minutes long and I did think it was in the last 10 or 20 minutes? It appears not! Looking like it will be about 20 minutes in, if that and I know this because I have just been asked to get undressed at 15 minutes in. He leaves the room at this point and towards 16 minutes I am having a chat with the trainee. That starts of clearer and then dulls a little but you can still hear what is being said. In fact with the right equpiment you can here everything I think. My audio gear is pretty good, but could be a lot better and I am playing it on two old Acoustic Energy Aego speakers which are diminutive in size but produce a good quality sound.

I talk about the book Figuring Out Fibromyalgia by Ginevra Liptan around 19 minutes into the recording and am still waiting to hear me yell out in pain. I should be hearing the words, please stiffen your legs?

God, how can the loudest sound be so bloody hard to find?! LMAO!

Thirty minutes in and it must be coming up?! I am, being asked to do things with me legs I remember and I was on the hospital bed laying down. Maybe I did not yell out as loud as I remember? Lol!

Found it!!

Bloody hell at long last, now let me just double check the time to exactly when in the recording?

At 31 minutes 26 seconds he asks me to stiffen my leg.

The yell is at 31 minutes and 31 seconds, he states I have a knee cap problem at 31 minutes 45 seconds.

In there somewhere he also does the same thing to my left knee and I am very wary about doing the same thing and getting the same amount of pain. However to me surprise it does not hurt at all?!

The same could not be said for the right knee though and it bloody well hurt like hell.

And NOW for those that did not want to download and listen through 56 minutes of boring banter here is, and finally though I promised months ago the edited portion of that I speak of above.

So to add to the Fibromyalgia the dozen pains I experience the other 100 annoying irritations from it, the vomiting and heartburn from the Hiatus Hernia and Oesophagitis that now needs investigating once again is the second spot of an NHS Doctor of my right knee problem.

Remember the first was Dr Saksena at Chase Farm Hospital and I then ended up with a rather rude, thinking himself scary while still suffereing from delusions of grandeur, Dr Tai and the cancelled MRI for the right knee because they said I did not turn up, a LIE, and then when referred to Barnet Hospital they ignored it and WRONGLY looked at my feet, wrongly x-rayed me as if I was an idiot and then WRONGLY diagnosed it and disagreed with me on something that is well documented...

Here is the 'You have a knee problem!' I still cannot hear what he says and think now he never mentioned it so ...

http://www.wuala.com/allnights/Evidence/NHS/Guys%20KNEE%20PROB.mp3/

Now I do seem to be asble to find the test that he did which seems to be the same except it states nothing about pain in the test, no matter how many times I find and read about it.

Lachman test is the name it appears to be called but it states nothing about pain but does state that the Doctor will place his hand on your lower thigh just above your knee. Sometimes it states that the knee is bent and I could be wrong but I am pretty sure my leg was straight when this was done?

http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/knee-pain/physical-examination-of-the-knee

The pivot-shift test, anterior drawer test and Lachman test are used during the clinical examination of suspected ACL injury. The Lachman test is recognized by most authorities as the most reliable and sensitive test, and usually superior to the anterior drawer test.^[13] The ACL can also be visualized using a magnetic resonance imaging scan (MRI scan).

An ACL tear can present with a popping sound heard after impact, swelling after a couple of hours, severe pain when bending the knee, and buckling or locking of the knee during movement.

Though clinical examination in experienced hands can be accurate, the diagnosis is usually confirmed by MRI, which has greatly lessened the need for diagnostic arthroscopy and which has a higher accuracy than clinical examination. It may also permit visualization of other structures which may have been co-incidentally involved, such as a meniscus, or collateral ligament, or posterolateral corner of the knee joint.

- Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament_injury

The term for non-surgical treatment for ACL rupture is "conservative management", and it often includes physical therapy and using a knee brace. Instability associated with ACL deficiency increases the risk of other knee injuries such as a torn meniscus, so sports with cutting and twisting motions are problematic and surgery is often recommended in those circumstances.

- Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament_injury

Now if you have not followed the letter I got from this Doctor Kirkham from Guy's Hospital did not state a single thing about the knee, the test of it nor the pain I experienced from the test on my right knee. This right knee is one that I have given details of previously and several people were present when I did the major thing and it 'popped'. It may have been present previous to this I simply cannot remember. That popping took place over ten years ago because my father was present at the time.

The letter, laso to be found on here, also did not state that which he did at the appointment in that he had no problems telling my Doctor to prescribe Pregabalin.

I still have not been put on it but then I have not asked my current GP about it and decided to give a combination of Gabapentin and Amitriptyline a go first, though Dr Kirkham stated that I could take the Amirtriptyline with the Pregabalin.

THE PLAYING OF CHARADES

This post is going to be about Fibromyalgia but well not be quite what you think.

Sometime ago I probably mentioned about someone I spoke to on the phone that had been told she had Fibromyalgia. In fact she told me that her Doctor said it was either Fibromyalgia or Lupus. You may remember reading about this on here but what I probably did not mention was that after awhile of asking her things her mind seemed to go blank. I had told her that for a Doctor to state Lupus in the same sentence as Fibromyalgia was a bit odd. I had seen quite literally dozens of Doctors over the years and many hospitals and never I've was Lupus ever mentioned. Of the many people I have now meet who suffer from Fibromyalgia and all the books and web pages I have read Lupus was never mentioned.

Some days later I saw a friend who had a friend who had Lupus and told her what this other lady told me. "She is talking crap" or actually a bit stronger than this.

This Lupus lady had met someone I know and age was out on the phone to me.

I never heard anymore other rush the fact that she fit her PIPs payments awarded and back payments to over £2',000 too and I probably mentioned this on here and I did in letters to the DWP.

Just recent I was around the friend house when this lady inched on the door. My friend had told me that she stated to doubt there was anything wrong with her. When she came in she had two crutches and leaning on them heavily. I asked if she was the lady with Fibromyalgia and she said yes. She explained that she was tested fur Lupus and tested negative. I asked her where she gets her pains and this is what she said ...

"In all my joints!"

I was immediately suspicious. So I asked her if she was taking Gabapentin and age said "No, I refused to trade it add it makes you fat!" Turns out she was not on Amitriptyline either and was on some drug which had nothing to do with Fibromyalgia at all. I then she'd her about the breast bone feeling, the feeling under your armpits, the pain on the outside of you shoulder joints and the temperature changes and her face went blank and her eyes glazed over.

After she left I turned to my friend and said "Sorry to have to break this to you but your friend does not have Fibromyalgia, in fact I very much doubt she had anything wrong with her at all!"

She laughed and said that she had suspected as much and just a few weeks before she got these joint pains she was perfectly fit and no walking aids. I said age probably got pressurised by the Job Centre and manufactured it but Fibromyalgia does not affect joints. My friend said that the lady said that she had a blood test for Fibromyalgia and it was positive?! I burst out laughing and said "What?! There is no test fur Fibromyalgia, she is most definitely bullshitting you!"

It turned out she had borrowed money of my friend she never got back and I was also told that she deleted me off her Facebook list because of things I was saying, which would be the blog posts. I am sure the word 'shit' was used? Lol. Saves me having to delete her and I should know better than to speak to anyone from that part of town! Even upon leaving it was discovered that someone they used to know was stabbed just up the road! Yup I am afraid it is indeed that kind of place. Gives me shudders just thinking about having to live there! Over my dead body would I ever live in a dive like that place.

The lady had also stated that she was given there drugs that were nearly as strong as morphine. I then said "Huh, well if she is they are not having any effect on her!"

I knew what it was she did not like. She thought I was just going to be someone else like the rest of the people where she lives. But nothing could be further from the truth. I told my friend that she realised from my Facebook posts that I was actually pretty smart and that I would soon realise she was full of bullshit. Obviously the manufacturing of an ailment was to obtain something or avoid something, wherever this maybe, and she dud bit why to risk it. After all anyone who knew her on Facebook who may themselves stayed something would have her number before very long because I am always mentioning things about Fibromyalgia. After all there is a never ending list off symptoms to Fibro and my own are long enough and I fail short of the complete list by around 80, yes eighty, of the 200 odd symptoms.

I also laughed at her excuse that one of the Fibromyalgia pills makes you fat. I said the idea was utterly ridiculous and that if you read the leaflets in these boxes they all have dozens of possibilities for side effects. If she was in as much pain as she was stating she was, you would not think about any side effects, you with wolf the pills down! Even going over the stated dose at times. I know because I never really ever liked pills and now I should sound like a baby's rattle when I walk.

I currently am on Gabapentin again at 400mg per day, along with Amitriptyline at 30mg daily. I will up the Gabapentin slowly as I did before and hopefully on this second attempt they will not cause nausea that lasted all day every day like they did at 900mg daily? I will speak to the Doctor about the ceiling for Amitriptyline before it no longer has any effects too. We well see how that goes combing the two and if it fails to meet expectations, mine that is, I will see what this new Doctor says about Pregabalin?

The funny thing is that the best thing she came out with to my friend, not me as I would have let her have it, was "How can he cycle when he had Fibromyalgia?!" Lol, so I explained to my friend that the Doctor at Guy's Hospital did state that if I was not already cycling he would have told me to start doing it. Anyone that knows anything about Fibromyalgia knows that it's a battle on many fronts. Light but regular exercise along with diet can keep it from getting bad. So can pills. I do both. Not exactly rocket science now, is it?

I then pointed out that she stated she had to have physiotherapy but it's rubbish, as is Physio. Most people I have spoken to all state that Physios exist mainly to help stop or put off diagnosis, proper treatment and the correct drugs. They also need to be sure she has got it and the Physio would need instructions on what exercises and how much from a specialist who had seen her.

As for people that manufacture illnesses ... well the less said about them the better.

It's funny as it's the second time I have come across people whose version of what they have does not add up. Must be the latest trend?!

LMAO!

I have a few reveals coming that I have bit gotten around to that will have you scratching your head! More stupidity and incompetence along with some feigning the lack of grey matter. I nearly posted then up a couple of days back but my printer decided it was bit going to play nice any longer! Dud bit seen to recognise two of the five cartridges that have been installed in the device fur the last eight months or more? Yes an odd one that looks even more suspicious when I point out that I also had not installed the drivers after installing Windows 7 Ultimate so had just downloaded the latest ones! The software "failed to recognise the following cartridges [black][yellow], please use Epson cartridges" which it stated in a dialogue box that refused to close giving no option or button to close it, only a link to Epson's web page to order the cartridges.

Epson stated in a response to an email that their software does not 'look' for non-Epson cartridges? Yeah Sony said something similar and I knew that was bull. Whether this is bull or not remains to be seen.

THE WHOOZY SYNDROME

I feel very ... strange today.

The pills I have been given along with the ones I was already taking seem to have had a very bizarre effect on me which seems to have become stronger each of the three days I have taken them.

I feel tired and slow and that is an understatement, let me tell you. I ... I'm having difficulties thinking straight and carrying on with this post. I just want to lie down all the time and yesterday I was messaged in the late afternoon to be invited to a barbecue and I was out of it on the sofa. When I did read it I did manage to get there.

It is very weird and I hope it goes, I will not be able to function like this at all!

Oh my word! I am going to have to lie down even though it 5.17pm and I have been lying down upstairs for God know how long?!

The drugs are 300mg Gabapentin, 25mg Amitriptyline, 50mg Sertraline, 200mg Tramadol and 30mg Lansoprazole.

THE NICE EFFECT

I am currently out. Doing a favour for a friend and I am now done. Typing this from my mobile phone and I was explaining about the recorded delivery letter from the GP.

One thing I keep thinking about is what to post about the reasoning, week because it's crap at the end if the day.

"It's expensive" oh really? What £10 per pill? £5 per pill? I know that this threshold had been secretly reduced and where does it end? Fifty pence per pill? There would be no need for GPs eventfully. You just need hospitals and a department that posts out the pills which then stops anyone from acquiring pills they have no right to.

So prescriptions which can be stolen no longer exist and therefore another headache dealt with.

The link below has a story about NICE, National Institute of Clinical, oops sorry Carer Negligence stating that Pregabalin should be given out and states that it should be prescribed if Gabapentin worked but did not over side effects.

Oddly it mentions the other drug which worked but making me sleep to the point of narcolepsy symptoms and that there are similar drugs.

Now OK my previous ... previous GP, John Gubbay, never got the chance to explain that, of indeed he ever would, due to accusing me of being mental and then violent with help from the GMC.

Note how much violence and madness was involved this time around. Making that the GMC only have themselves to blame for complicating that and giving out the wrong impression, oh dear. I never expected them to do thaaaat?! Lol.

Just like I thought that this time around my blog address would find its way through note they take they should have read a lot mitre than they did.

This is a prime example of how people dull to help when themselves by simply not taking the time.

Yes there are many reasons this behaviour is rife these days but I am not going to go into them because I do not know which people fit which excuse. Again something for budding journalists to go after!

Hmm now I wonder how many budding journalists have any of their own suspicions and how far and wide they spread? I wonder if any GPs up to questionable shenanigans who end up reading this start to wonder?

Lol.

Anyway as you can see it does state on the webpage that Pregabalin is prescribed on the NHS. The recording dies have a Doctor at Guys state he is happy to prescribed it. It then is not and the knee is omitted, oh do very bad a move, and all clearly heard on the tape.

This just leaves one more like post if my plan to work out and letters to turn up...

The decision on my Personal Independent Payments based on a letter from my latest GP who never possesses my medical records!!

Lmao!!

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/nice-rethinks-pregabalin-over-cost/12741305.article#.U6QRNOBwYm8

THE SCAREDY CATS

Well lookee here?

Apparently it's OK for the Americans to sit on Brits because they are overseas?!

Does this count for the Chinese and Terrorists then?

DICKWEEDS!!

Google 'legally' intercepted in UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-27887639

PROJECT ZERO WITH NAUSEA

God what a day!

I hit a snag with the project I spent four hours on. I then realised I made a really stupid mistake but that I had been confused by a part I bought but actually fitting correctly.

Meant I needed to buy something but was skint (penniless). Mate saved the day but got to town and usual shop that should stock what I wanted don't usually stock them?! A friend in there called Ed tells me of another shop across the road that I just keep forgetting is there! The memory thing is getting more writing all the time and I long to converse with someone else who has it. I am extremely paranoid at times I am going to lose my marbles, memory that is, like with Alzheimer's and the respect I already had for Alzheimer sufferers have skyrocketed in recent times!

Bizarrely this much needed item at this toe of shop was also not stocked at the second store?! Meaning I had two more a bit further away and I made my way there. It was a nice day but the sub was hit after awhile and my legs and exhaustion stated to suffer. Originally intending to return to a mates store that went south for the winter. Also had to pick up prescription, well if the surgery have not refused it like the last one, but after finally acquiring what I needed and despite the Boots being in my way home that went south for the winter too!

In the playing fields I had to stop several times and then take it slow and then I got a phone call from a friend. I was asked a quite unexpected question as for the first time ever someone actually asked me about my condition! Turned out she had a friend and I got a such when I was told that her Doctor suspected either Fibromyalgia or, yet another possible similar condition shocker, LUPUS?!

We charted for a bit and I explained what I knew of Fibromyalgia and she explained a few things that signed familiar, in the way is symptoms. But then there are so many I guess anyone could come out with hair a dozen symptoms I probably had most of anyway. Then she said that she had some odd test results and was going to be tested fur Lupus. I found myself flabbergasted that Lupus and Fibromyalgia were used in the same possible diagnosis?!

I was told that my condition rang no bells with anyone and did not match anything they were familiar with and yet I found Charcot Marie Tooth (I was not familiar with), Fibromyalgia (I knew the name of but not symptoms) and now Lupus which is the most heard of of the three!! A friend of mine has a sister who suffers with Lupus.

Do not ask me if I have been tested for Lupus because I simply could not tell you.

However we got talking about drugs and some familiar names came up. Sertraline was mentioned which we both took. I asked if they helped and the answer was no and I said no I think they do nothing for me. Thus happened with a few drugs and I said it certainly sounds like Fibromyalgia and that you find many drugs do not work. I mentioned Gabapentin and she had heard of it and then I explained the while nightmare I had been through with Doctors, GPs and hospitals in either knowingly lying and falsifying or wrongly diagnosing only to get contradicted by the next Doctor. I then explained how I was tricked into looking like a list by first being told Pregabalin, a new version of Gabapentin, would be prescribed and then a letter not mentioning the drug at all and the fact that they did all that for a drug that is only the secondary one used for Fibromyalgia. Sodium oxybate is the holy grail of drugs for Fibromyalgia and the only true drug that actually desks with the core problem. Then person I was charting to mentioned the 'A' drug! Amitriptyline! I then said I was about to come onto that as I am on them. However I think I forgot to mention that I think that Amitriptyline might be the reason I an feeling sleep during the day which is getting me ratty and short-tempered as it screw's up my body clock and night time sleeping which really did not need it.

But unfortunately and as can be clearly seen here you cannot have a genuine and reasonable conversation with an NHS Doctor or GP because they will lie and misinform you because they are worried about keeping their huge salaries as NHS staff members.

Why even bother going to a Doctor's Surgery? Way harder than it used to be with ever changing and often unfair rules and waiting times only to be lied to, fobbed off, manipulated, contracting MRSA or some other virus or infection or even killed!

Despite my disagreeing it is just like my old mate Old Ken said "your better off staying away from hospitals because he thought if he went into Chase Farm Hospital he would not come out alive. He did manage to get in and out alive, but with a diagnosis of kidney cancer and next time he was taken in he did not come out! RIP mate!

The lady I was chatting to was surprised at what I had stated about all that I had seen, which was only the top of the iceberg really, and asked if it was OK to add me on Facebook. I said it would be fine.

To be honest I am a bit yappy at times like this because I was in pain, feeling exhausted and walking home. So anyone that rings or texts me might get lengthy conversations or texts, lol.

I was almost home when I got off the phone and with my magic jigsaw piece I found myself wondering if I am able to get my Project Zero up and running, with a few finishing touches to apply over the next month, oh and an electricity bill to sort out.

I had wondered the entire pain filled journey if I had indeed found the piece I needed and was having difficulty remembering things. I did this kind of project just a couple of years back for someone else and the beneficiaries of my skills told how I was like a whirlwind and so was the little project once done! This was my thing, my passion albeit an expensive one if you let it become expensive that is. But I was having difficulties remembering things and made some very stupid errors. Schoolboy errors!

I need not have worried add the final additional extension to a substandard item bought did indeed so the trick! Project a go-go! Except while I was being in the glow of another accomplishment after a pregnant pause I kept feeling odd. I kept shaking my head and leaning my head and cranking my neck around. Crunching and cracking as it rolled around just as it usually does at times like this. I was attempting to add some finishing touches to the project, the first of several over the next month, and started  doing some testing but gradually felt worse. Before long it was bad nausea which was ruining the feeling of euphoria I was having while testing things. It gradually became worse and I raised I wanted to vomit and managed to stop myself a few times.

In the end I decided to give up for the night and I had taking some stempsil, I think they are, which are supposed to stop nausea and vomiting but just like Domperidone and ask the other useless pills they have given me over the years they had, had no effect.

I also got a call on an update on a situation I had wondered whether was still going to happen. It did. I have alluded to this very recently and this is all I will do.

There is a time to state things and a time to not state things and this can be for a whole number of reasons. Some help was requested if me I was unfortunately unable to provide on this occasion and what had transpired sorry if cane out if the blue and was not prepared for it. Maybe, just maybe I was wing bit to take up the proposal made to me on behalf on Groupon?

But this is the thing with life, you just cannot predict what will happen next and on top of that no matter how good a Doctor you may think you are you cannot imagine what some conditions age like to live with and how frustrated you can get. Being told 'sorry your screwed and have to live a life of never-ending hell of different kinds ask because they want to save a few quid while earning a few hundred thousand pounds per year.

That, however, will come to an end before long in a rather noisy and public way I would wager.

To be honest it's not just Doctors who suffer from tunnel vision, naivety and self obsession either. Having experiences of different kinds each of which has you not wanting to wake up the next morning when they are at their worst makes you get a great many things about people and society into extreme perspectives.

When people carry on just as they did before it can get infuriating and this is why I prefer my cut off existence for now. It forces me to see what is important and what is worthy and this that thought the best thing was for someone to walk away from a noble cause and be a father to someone who had the mother from the depths of hell was not a bright idea.

I have always endeavoured to do the honourable thing if I am able but not everyone deserves the honourable thing. It is a crying shame when egos outgrow oaths. Or self-preservation outweighs titles once achieved but these are seen as clear as day by me. Mentioning it exposing this kind of defeats the object and it is not for me to point out the error if ones ways, this is their tasks to bear just add my tasks were mine, even when others did not want to bear any part of them.

If ever a time came for explanations then there are no explanations to give because time is their enemy! You cannot make excuses for time when unwanted attention comes clambering at your door. The champagne is smashed and the ship sailed and if anyone can explain to you it is I that time simply cannot be recovered.

This is the one error that all around me make and their worst enemy appears to make it appear worse when it happens time after TIME!!

THE DAY BEFORE THE DAWN

What a strange feeling I have right now?

I have spent the day at home attempting to see to many things that have been neglected for a long time, had a bath, cut my hair, tidied my bedroom ... to a degree, performed a gravel clean on my planted aquarium consisting of only bickering neons right now and did some exercises on my chest area using my exercise ... umm rubbery long thingy with handles!

God! What do they call those things?!

The sudden drive to do things is several fold and is accompanied with a very weird feeling along with just a little bit of panic stations!

Tomorrow is a very big day for me and probably about the biggest day in my life since the day my daughter was born?!

In fact the revelations already exist as to the conclusion that tomorrows meeting brings due to things I have recalled about members of my family namely my late father and grandmother.

Yes tomorrow is the day when I finally speak to Doctors that know what they are talking about and actually not GET proper feedback but feedback more importantly that makes bloody sense!

My Guy's Hospital visit is tomorrow and the reason for the panic is the main reason for the running around I have done today. To kncker myself out and boy oh boy have I felt it! Loud ughs eminated from me during seeing to the aquarium, I tell you that for nothing!

Currently I sit on my sofa with a towel around me just tapping this little preview post out. There are things I still need to do and I want to print out something I prepared for my visit tomorrow. Well to be precise its three things and I am not even sure they are finished yet. I will reveal more about these three printouts later in the week, once I have gone over them tomorrow and remembered everything I put in them and why.

I often forget my own plans!

No the panic and the rushing around is to tire me out as I always do panic about my sleep playing up and puting the kybosh on any arranged meetings or appointments?! In fact by tomorrow night I kind of hope that I realise that this will be able to be worked upon one way or another, either by the drug Sodium oxybate or an otherwise extremely good method or set of methods for dealing with it.

Somehow I do doubt this though in all honesty.

But if I can come away with information on how to prevent several of the main symptoms I will be one very happy man! For the time being at any rate?

What is eerie about it is its BLOODY TOMORROW!! Lol! Yeah I think the slight panicking about getting up and getting there is mixing with the feelings that the appointment that has been a decade in coming, well over fifteen years to be precise, is finally upon me.

I just hope I remember everything I want to ask?!

I hope I am asked the right questions?!

I also cannot find the bloody appointment letter, well not the updated one only the orginal date. In fact I do not even know if they sent me an updated letter as I did this over the phone?! Hmm there was that online appointments page thing, maybe I will just check on there as I keep wondering if I got the date right?! It is in my phone diary but I start doubting that I put the right date in the calender or even got 'foggy' and got that wrong? Nothing would surprise me after the last 6 years. Just go and check ...

Oh marvellous! Its is asking me for a reference number from the top of the appointments letter that the letter does not have!! Gee whiz, what a surprise!! Lol!

I note they said they would send me a text message and I do not have one so panic stations may well be the next stop on the train crash from hell?! Lol!

Nope definately cannot find another appointment letter other than the other one!

Well I will just have to hope that the appointment time I have in my head and on my phone is correct! Well actually its just the date as I know the exact time of the appointment as that is why I phoned up and changed it! I mean from just outside North London to a hospital in South London for someone in pain and a disaorder than heavily involves your sleep and eeveryone that suffers it wakes up feeling ... FECKED for 9AM?!

Yeah right, like that is onne happen outside of me going up there at midnight and sitting in the hospital all night?!

Fingers crossed all goes well tomorrow and I finally lay this matter to rest? Which will also allow me to lay one other matter to rest to.

So you could say that tomorrow has many different types of dawns? I get to hear what I have wanted to for so long, perhaps get the drugs, or better drugs, that I have needed for so long and that several other things will eventually dawn among many other people too?! Now I might not get prescribed Sodium oxybate but I can assure you there will be a discussion over this. No argument just a discussion about the pitfalls and wrongs of that decision as it is awarded for Narcolepsy and as far as I can tell this only produces one symptom and I get that with everything else! So would be odd and there would have to be a discussion and at the end of the day it is not their decision to not award these drugs. However I may get Pregabalin prescribed and if this does as I suspected it would it could be a revealtion? Well to me that is because Gabapentin was working after three weeks, or had an effect to be more accurate, but after 9 weeks and at 900mg it made me ill, very ill. Pregabalin is not given in such high doses and the claims are from research that it does not have the same effect of making you feel dizzy and sick that Gabapentin does.


That comment of things dawning on people of course includes the readers to this very blog! Lol!