THE MISSING MOTIVATION

I am just lacking in energy and drive of late.

I have hardly been out of the house the last two days and I am struggling to find something to motivate me today, really, really most unlike me.

The weather is crap and looks to stay that way a number of days, marvellous.

Plus there was some bizarre name dropping recently and some information reached my ears that not only did no one tell me but involves someone I recently mentioned.

God, I hate it when the men I know allow the egos to rule them.

There has also been a death in the family though I found out several days late, as one member of the family has failed to delete a five year old mobile phone number from her phone despite being asked to do this a dozen times.

Also my sister is expecting her first ever baby, and I wish her luck with that. However she is finding and will continue to find over the next ten months that we now live in a country lacking compassion, despite the number of help, advice and support organisations there claims to be out there.

This will hit her hard as she has worked her backside of for twenty years or more often at the expense of many things friends and family related.

She is already living with ... well 'in laws' despite them both working because the house prices and rent prices went way beyond ridiculous over a decade ago.

Stupid, stupid prices that are not realistic in any way only made worse by the constant influx of you know who combined with the lack of building both cheap homes and social housing. Then you factor in to all this the growing number of Londoners, though there aren't many left.

Good God I really lack energy, I really do.

There are things I need to get and have done a couple of days and trying to use these menial chores to get my arse out of my door.

None helped by the fact I am stuck in a rut I never saw myself being in at this moment in time.

And I STILL need to replace my damn camera! LMAO!

Oh and a prescription pill has disappeared into a gap, as it did about two weeks back, in my throat and I only know as something is seeping out and burning like hell as it does so!

I cannot have this happening any longer and will discuss this with a dozen other things at my next GP appointment.Good God it burns ...

One of the following ...

• Gabapentin (which I oddly have wanted replacing years ago) - Fibromyalgia
• Tramadol (which needs either upping or replacing with something better) - Back Pain
• Ramipril (This not been checked for an age now ..) - Stage 2 Hypertension
• Oh its 173 Systolic and 108 Diastolic, Blood Pressure, so yeah not dealth with
• Atrovastatin - Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol
• Lansoprazole ( I have wanted Nexium for 4 years or so) Oesophagitis, Hiatus Hernia
• Metoclopramide - Bad nausea, Postural Hypotension, travelling on Bus in Cars or just in thoue HOUSE
• Quinine Sulphate - Night Cramps, really bad night cramps, I cannot speak a single word
• Amitriptyline - Fibromyalgia
• As the first three are contained in capsules I will assume that it was one of those three getting stuck?! Need LIDOCAINE!!

ANOTHER MRI TO ADD TO THE LIST

Well in a little over 24 hours I would have had my third MRI Scan.

At least this one they cannot lie about because it would result in my death before very long!

It is funny to my mind that after my knees started playing up, to add to my feet, hips, back and shoulder, I requested a full body MRI as it would be the easiest, fastest and therefore CHEAPEST way to get to conclusions, seal with it and allow me to get on with my life after whatever treatments or drugs were necessary.

Now let me think since I was initially refused that I have had

3 MRIs: Two on back one on Groin (after tomorrow) and not including that infamous knee one
4 X-Rays I can recall: Two on feet, one on knee, one on back.
1 Endoscopy
1 Ultrasound, cannot recall what for!
Electromyography
Nerve Conduction Studies
Private (Chimes) Chiropractor (who called the NHS shit and vice versa and discovered TWO problems and told me exactly WHAT pains I was getting and WHERE, the the Doc who performed the NCS and EM called him a quack)

Then there are the thousands of useless prescription drugs I have had forced on me over the years, even a repeated forced change from Osemeprazole (Nexium) to Lansoprazole when I kept asking them not to do this. Oddly I can give you the name of a women I know whose condition was nowhere near as bad as mine and she was taking Nexium long before I knew about them, to my utter surprise, and without any question whatsoever.

I do know why now and comes down to that question they ask when you register I never thought about, then wondered about and now know why they ask...Are you WORKING? So those out of work are a lower life form than those in work, lol?!

Leaving out the Carpal & Tarsal Tunnel Tests I have had and any others I have forgotten about!

Also the half a dozen or more Physios the 4 Orthopaedics, the 2 Rheumatologists, 3 Podiatrists, Dozen GPs appx, Specialist Back Physiotherapist, and one Neurologist I only saw once and did not test for everything before discharging me (to be bought up at next GP appointment on a few weeks) and any others I may have forgotten?!

Several GPs I have seen over a dozen times about the same problem and I have not been under my present one for a year yet but close and have probably seen him a dozen times already.

Right now let is get this in perspective...

1) It was my opinion and as I stated above the the quickest and cheapest route so beneficial to all would be to perform a full body MRI bit they did not and repeatedly for 12 years.

2) They told me it would cost £10,000 for a Full Body MRI at one point in the past and yet I was planning to pay for one privately and was £1,500, one thousand five hundred, so they LIED. (I was prepared to sell a treasured item of mine to pay for this but while it was still advertised I was physically attacked by bailiffs and had it stolen along with other items and then the money defrauded out of me, just for those that have not read that bit lol)

3) Now take the costs of all the MRIs, X-Rays, Tests, Toys and each 30 minute to an hour that each of the GPs, Doctors and Specialists above would be PAID and try to convince me that this would be south of £20,000?!?!

There is no way on this earth that it was more cost efficient to take their rout over mine!! As simple as that and especially as the MRI I wanted was £1,500 and I still have the emails, as I do all correspondence and recorded meetings, to the firms that offer the MRIs!

Now THAT is why the NHS is in trouble and they have spent a decade pr two paying money men who know nothing about money at all. They think it all depends on the next financial year and not one of the idiots stopped to think about backlogs mounting up?!

When I say backlogs my foot problems I always use as an example because this is when I started to put pressure on THEM! In reality it started long before and was not picked up on and still today I still do not know leaving the Pain Specialist I saw to hang his head! Ooh did I include him in the list?! What I am getting at is that I cannot be the only one and there must be others that are well aware that this has happened to them?!

In fact I would add that I would bet there are thounds if not tens of thousands that are victim to this behaviour who are completely unaware of it, believing the constant excuses they are given.

Me?! I have an analytical mind and can pull anything to pieces and if it is a lie or some lame excuse I can work it out pretty quick, before even leaving the room quite often, lol.

LMAO!

Of course there is ONE other factor to all this that no one anywhere and even the media has ever picked up on...

...the cost to the nation and to businesses for not only...

Time Off Work...

...but also to those...

Who have been UNABLE TO WORK!!

But now everything is our fault?!?! Or I should REALLY say THEIR FAULT?! LMAO!

TOSSERS!! THE LOT OF THEM!

Unable to spot the noses on their faces!! LMAO!