MURDEROUS MORNINGS

Going though hell .. this morning.

Got that ECG on and hit the button a few times from around 4.30am onward but just pain in region of heart I know is anxiety.

No heart palpitations, tightness or skipped beat feelings.

But then I noticed that when the anxiety is playing up .. the other stuff seems to stop or at least become a lot less frequent.

So all that testing was probably a waste of time unless something happens in the next four hours or so.

There is some stuff going on that is .. stressful. I would like to think that this anxiety will die down when it is over, fingers tightly crossed.

One more appointment to go with the hospital and I have to be back at the Doctors in ten days .. nine days.

I am not happy I have Venlafaxine again .. I recall missing a couple of days and it put me on my back .. I had forgotten to take them and even back then my memory was an issue and I did not pick up on it. We are talking around twelve years ago now I had that.

But I am so desperate to stop this that I am taking it again. But this will add to my lists of things to panic about.

Just like I told my GP none of this makes any sense to me .. why the brain is panicking about such stupid things.

I remember when I first saw my medical notes, that was how I found out, I was listed as having General Anxiety Disorder or GAD and when I read about it it stated that you can panic about little things. At first I did not think this was the case but when I thought about some of the things it did.

I still am coughing up green and yellow shit and that is something they want to look at but .. the way I feel right now .. it is difficult to get around to sorting that out.

I mean to speak to reception about setting up my digital repeat prescription thing. I might have also meant to have spoken to them about these blood tests? I cannot recall how it is done or what I was meant to do?

It is majorly disruptive this memory issue and I do not seem to have made anyone realise just how much it is.

I have felt for a long time like I need someone. To help me remember things.

I did think it might be easier here because there is another adult around but she is forgetful too so there is no chance of that happening and things are much worse.

Living on my own I was bad enough. I had a mate who used to remind me of things from time to time but he obviously could not remind e of everything.

This things is really, really stupid and confusing as well as majorly torturous and the fact that I have this virus/infection tat has lasted for months seems to have only made things worse. How things could have gotten this bad for me I simply do not know and begs belief.

As for this virus or infection .. my ex wonders if I picked it up in the house, which I doubt. What I did say was that I had read only recently that my .. resistance to infections can be lowered and is one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia.

So I guess I am still being let down.

The other thing is that I really need to return to my storage in London .. that really needs to be sorted out and the cost reduced or eliminated completely.

If my PIP gets reinstated it will become less of an issue but it still needs to be done.

I have taken a second Diazepam pill and hope that calms things down a bi as the first did not work.

I was, as they say, monged-out yesterday afternoon and in the evening I fell asleep. Do mot recall much at all except my daughter appearing around 4am. Was feeling OK at the time but around thirty minutes later it all started.

Whether the evening was down to the Venlafaxine or not I do not know, I had taken Amitriptyline too for the first time in a while so could be that. I have to check whether or not I should take these in the morning or at night. I am thinking nights, because of the morning things so will go and check that out.

THE MOVING & THE SWAYING

Oooh boy am I stoned!

Due to some anxiety I decided that it would be a good idea to double up on my Amitriptyline for a few days until I see my GP?

I had also not realised that after waking a little after 4am, and alarm bells over that going off in a big way, but omly falling asleep a little after 2am I had not had a lot of sleep.

Being a Fibromyalgia sufferer we do not get restorative sleep at the best of times!

Restorative sleep is the most important part and comes after REM sleep and it is what it says where the mind and body go through checks and repairing of things. Muscles repaired, toxins repaired, brain cells flushed along with skin and a great number of things. Your talking about a whole body. The brain does not do what we need it to do.

This has serious consequences and likely the main reason our memories do not function correctly each and every day? That particular symptom has a name all of its own,, Fibrofog.

Anyway I had planned to go and see someone and ... well make an appointment. I went to hunt down some Mega Marshmallows and realised I was feeling a little light headed. It still did not occur to me what was going on. I caught a bus that has a terrible, terrible route and 'goes all around the houses' before it gets anywhere near my home. The bus route goes out its way at least three times and in opposite ways throughout its whole route.

Annoyingly it also does not go anywhere near a hospital!

So I am sitting on the bus, thinking how my feet are not too bad today while focusing on the light headed feeling. I realised it was intensifying. Before long I was stoned and every time the bus went around a corner I felt like I was in a boat as the bus swayed left and then right.

In fact it was so intense I wondered whether I should get off the bus by my Doctor's surgery?!

Also the nodding off has increased in my brains desire to just give in. Just now I had my head flung backwards and withj my eyes closed while trying to type out this post! Lol!

Sleeeeeepy ... must ... resist!

I was planning to order an item tomorrow to replace one I have that is very faulty and that would be my Moto G phone. I am sure many would be pleased to hear that is it has played up fairly badly in calling and texting. Added to this the screen surface has more or less worn through. Plus I have noted that I can leave it to charge with screen off for 3 hours and its only half full?!

So battery buggered. Some mornings I get up and there is still 75% on the phone while otherr times it can drain right down to the point of switching itself off. Weird that.

I have never had to phone 999 while I am out but not only do I know that day is coming but I have been ordered to to do is I have another bad seizure.

THE ROAD TO EUPHORIA

I am not sure what is happening to me or what to do about it.

Today I had one of those afternoons where I am in effect, high. As in 'high as a kite', intoxicate or stoned!

I had been out to pick up something and just have a quick scan around at phones in these gadget shops as well as phone shops. Need to replace my phone, have one in mind and I seem to find it's sister phones, it little brothers but not the one I want. Which is a Motorola Moto X Style. Did want the Moto X Force but then found it is not entirely waterproof as it seems to suggest kn adverts.

I have had a great many Motorola phones and going backwards a Moto G, Motorola Atrix ( do ... NOT get me started on that phone), Motorola Defy and some odd other models going back the the StarTacs.

I have had others too.

Looked in half a dozen places over the last couple days and not found the one I want but not in a position to buy just yet so just looking. Idea being if I found one I would put down half the money.

There is one I have thought about getting in my local Game Store but it is a previous, 2nd, generation model and no SD Card reader. Only 16GB too. I have a 8GB Moto G and I would never have a phone with low memory ever again. Do not get me wrong the phone has been great for the money but you are just so limited with what you can do and install on the phone. You can forget music.

Anyhoo I had to pick up some things from a friends shop but when I got home I was a little out of it so I waited it out a couple of hours. Instead I felt sleepy so I went out as I did not want to go out tomorrow. As I was walking along I suddenly noticed I was walking along normally, which is rare as I normally limp, and my pains had died down. I suspected I was having one of these weird afternoons I have had recently where this does happen but then I end up feeling a little ... 'high' and I mean ... STONED 'high'. Like you have had a weak spliff, or cannabis.

As I was walking I started to feel it coming on and to my shock I continued on even higher and I even started getting the 'munchies'. If you do not know you get these cravings to eat when your stoned on cannabis. It is very weird and very enjoyable, even a little euphoric at times.

I was nearing a local shop and all I could think about was drinking and sugary things and when I went in I bought a can of Monster Ripper, I normally go for the green standard one, a carton of Orange Juice and a Snickers Duo along with chocolate raisins, strawberry pencils and some fizzy blue bottle ... things. Oh I recall the packet saying 'Bubblegum Flavour'.

I felt like Francine Smith in an episode of American Dad where she lets Jeff, Hayley's husband, smoke cannabis which he gets on prescription for his very over active libido. She gets stoned with him when she gives in, catching him ... well, pulling it several times, and downs a bottle of orange drink of something or other. Cannot recall what she called the drink, lol.

I downed everything as I was walking along and carried on getting higher and just wanted to stop walking and sit down. It was mad ... I kept thinking about just sitting on the floor or a wall and before long I did!

I eventually moved along but sat down again. Eventually moved along and then sat down yet again. I sat down around four times over a distance of about 100 metres. It was mad.

I get to my friend's shop around 4pm and I was very lucky as he was closing early, had to pick up his daughter from somewhere or other I think he said.

I had consumed everything by the time I reached him, grabbed what I needed, paid him and left.

Around another 200 metres later I started feeling like I was coming down but still remained light headed. I recall wondering if it was like some type of diabetes thing and that the sugar or perhaps something else, like caffeine, had brought me back up?

If I am in when this happens I wake up in the dark wondering what happened and most of the time do not recall falling asleep.

This is when I would get one of the major fits, or grand mal if that what it was. I always feel light headed first and it is always in the afternoons and early evenings ... it is very weird and you could set your watch to it.

About 1pm in the afternoon is when it would start and around 4pm is when it is at its strongest.

Now I have been ordered to go to A&E if I was to have another full blown fit and am also awaiting a hospital appointment letter, along with a colonoscopy letter too.

I had considered going to the hospital, bad time of the day for me and public transport, as the feeling might give the positive results needed to any tests done on me at the hospital. But then again they may not do and I may waste my time.

I deliberate over it and I still needed some things for home, like milk I have tried to remember buying for three days, and decided not to go to hospital. Me travelling on packed trains and buses is an absolute no-no and this is me being both cautious and responsible. I have one other problem with travelling on buses, less so trains except tube trains, and this is when it is hot.

I do not handle the heat well ... I really, really hate it and have done for years and often think about living in the antarctic! Or Siberia!

I will experience increasing pain if I am forced to stand still for more than a few minutes and with that I get short tempered and someone rude will be knocked unconscious in the blink of an eye. That is me being ... RESPONSIBLE!

That is only the feet pain and not being able to handle heat.

There are a great many other things in things in my pain list and there is also a separate list for embarrassing things that could occur that often stresses me out no end.

Then there is the blacking out and now these seizures. It is just too much and if not for these things I would have had a job and actually something to do and get me out of this damned house, long, long ago!

It is funny as this feeling I get is quite weird and edges closer and closer to euphoria until your completely feeling euphoric. A great many people would pay good money to feel like this but when it happens when it feels like it at some point in the afternoon and you live on your own it is becoming a major bug-bare. Things are hard enough as they are without this screwing things up.

So there I was walking down this road and heading straight for Euphoria.

I do not know if it just something else developing and you have to understand that with 120 symptoms there is always something knew developing every now and then. Or perhaps it is a drug I have recently been prescribed or an interaction between this new drug, Methocarbamol, and something else.

• Methocarbamol 2x 750mg
• Metoclopramide (cannot be bothered to look lol)
• Lansoprazole 30mg
• Quinine Sulphate (50mg?)
• Ramipril 10mg
• Amitriptyline 30mg
• Gabapentin 500mg
• Atrovastatin
• Tramadol

Hmm now that I am typing that out ... I remember getting to 900mg daily of Gabapentin and it making me ill and nauseous during the afternoons?

Maybe that taking it for long periods the same thing happens? Just takes longer?

That is how I got into a row with a GP that led me to discover they knew I had Fibromyalgia two years before I self-diagnosed it.

As I told a Jehovah's Witness recently who gets Pregabalin ... they refused to give it to me several times and the first time I asked was because Gabapentin was a horrid drug, cheap crap and makes not only me ill but everyone I have spoken to that ever took it except for one single guy. Oddly this guy that took it amazed me because he was taking 2700mg, two thousand seven hundred, daily without issues and did not understand why so many people had real problems with it. Most I have read about had issues long before reaching 1000mg per day.

I am going to drop the dose of Gabapentin and see what happens?

I just realised something else ... if it is the Gabapentin then it is this drug that caused an increase in my seizures to the point of passing out completely for ten minutes?! It simply has to be.

They knew I had a Hypertension problem along with a postural hypotension problem. So I have to risk dying now because the drugs I need are not allowed or too expensive for someone like me as I am seen as worthless? Nice! 

LMAO!

THE MISSING MOTIVATION

I am just lacking in energy and drive of late.

I have hardly been out of the house the last two days and I am struggling to find something to motivate me today, really, really most unlike me.

The weather is crap and looks to stay that way a number of days, marvellous.

Plus there was some bizarre name dropping recently and some information reached my ears that not only did no one tell me but involves someone I recently mentioned.

God, I hate it when the men I know allow the egos to rule them.

There has also been a death in the family though I found out several days late, as one member of the family has failed to delete a five year old mobile phone number from her phone despite being asked to do this a dozen times.

Also my sister is expecting her first ever baby, and I wish her luck with that. However she is finding and will continue to find over the next ten months that we now live in a country lacking compassion, despite the number of help, advice and support organisations there claims to be out there.

This will hit her hard as she has worked her backside of for twenty years or more often at the expense of many things friends and family related.

She is already living with ... well 'in laws' despite them both working because the house prices and rent prices went way beyond ridiculous over a decade ago.

Stupid, stupid prices that are not realistic in any way only made worse by the constant influx of you know who combined with the lack of building both cheap homes and social housing. Then you factor in to all this the growing number of Londoners, though there aren't many left.

Good God I really lack energy, I really do.

There are things I need to get and have done a couple of days and trying to use these menial chores to get my arse out of my door.

None helped by the fact I am stuck in a rut I never saw myself being in at this moment in time.

And I STILL need to replace my damn camera! LMAO!

Oh and a prescription pill has disappeared into a gap, as it did about two weeks back, in my throat and I only know as something is seeping out and burning like hell as it does so!

I cannot have this happening any longer and will discuss this with a dozen other things at my next GP appointment.Good God it burns ...

One of the following ...

• Gabapentin (which I oddly have wanted replacing years ago) - Fibromyalgia
• Tramadol (which needs either upping or replacing with something better) - Back Pain
• Ramipril (This not been checked for an age now ..) - Stage 2 Hypertension
• Oh its 173 Systolic and 108 Diastolic, Blood Pressure, so yeah not dealth with
• Atrovastatin - Blood Pressure and High Cholesterol
• Lansoprazole ( I have wanted Nexium for 4 years or so) Oesophagitis, Hiatus Hernia
• Metoclopramide - Bad nausea, Postural Hypotension, travelling on Bus in Cars or just in thoue HOUSE
• Quinine Sulphate - Night Cramps, really bad night cramps, I cannot speak a single word
• Amitriptyline - Fibromyalgia
• As the first three are contained in capsules I will assume that it was one of those three getting stuck?! Need LIDOCAINE!!

THE LEAFY DRUG WAR

I find the statements released in recent times regarding cannabis as... head scratchingly hilarious. Confusing while funny.

This BBC report I found tonight was sobering of a surprise.

After the recent reports starting that cannabis causes psychosis and I said rubbish I now read this report and raise they were playing both loose and fast with the truth.

I have stated for many more years than this blog has been live that I believed... no I was convinced that it causes problems in people that already have problems. If there is an underlying mental issue or even perhaps a family history of things then your at a high risk from smoking cannabis. However I can't tell you how high that risk is. Because it may only be specific illnesses and may need certain doses but because cannabis was just totally ignored because of sometimes agenda we... basically don't know.

This report now states this in detail and even separates the two chemicals within cannabis and discovers some surprising things about the stuff. Some of it  surprisingly good especially if you suffer from epilepsy. I know someone I would wager won't like hearing this but more about that another time.

It now turns out... allegedly that the THC that everyone talks about can cause the problems with psychosis and memory issues...noo my memory has no connection whatsoever with me using cannabis in the past as that was... bloody ages ago and I was not a big smoker of it anyway. It had fantastic affects on my Fibromyalgia and then many years later on discovering my Fibromyalgia then discovered it had good effects from cannabis. I told several Doctors this too and still Fibromyalgia was never, ever mentioned as a possibility.

It also turns out that the other chemical, the one that sounds more like the chemical that gets you high, CBD, cannabinidol, helps improve memory as well as slow down, stop and even prevent epilepsy?! Mad! In this report it turns out that parents of children with bad seizures have used something called Charlotte's Web which contains the CBD drug to amazing results. Trials are now ongoing, probably not the UK because of the corrupt NHS and powers that have large broom handles sticking out their arises and still in the mud laid down in medieval times, lol!

So when they said in the initial report that your for times more likely, or whatever figure it was, they were saying three quarters of the public are bonkers?! Lmao!

If they were aware of the fact that preexisting mental issues were why the numbers raised they were very, very stupid to word their report the way they did. Well either they are the stupid news media that reworded it to suit headlines, lol.

Either way the facts I stick to still remain the case.

Epilepsy suffered everywhere will have raised an eyebrow by now, then lowered, then raised it again, then lowered it before their legs and arms follow and the fall to the floor having another seizure.

Joking apart it's not nice to have. Though I have met many that have got used to them I don't know how. I had one many years ago, oddly aster getting stoned and everyone, including Doctors, blamed the cannabis.

Now what am I supposed to think? Lol!

I stopped taking Amitriptyline five days ago and went to my town to get a passport photo and a passport application form. Been trying to do that for two weeks. Got to a friend's place for a cup of tea and showed him the odd bits I bought from Maplin, key ring scissors, blank DVDs, pouch for headphones. Sat down and said "Oh fuck!! Remember I said when I left here earlier that I needed something in the town? Well I just remembered what it is... passport photo and application form!"

He finally realized what a problem my memory is and looked shocked and asked if I was joking!

Son of a bitch!

Cannabis: Promise, risk and controversy - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-31518546

THE FRUIT BEARING TREES

It is a tiring thought at all the ideas that I put into practise that I know will take time and effort but have trouble doing...enough.

I feel like I have been at mt blogs for half a lifetime and wonder to the day things will all fall into place?

It does not help that I have had an extrememly unproductive year and to give an idea of this my YouTube videos should number over 2,000 by now but hardly krept up from the 1,100 or so from one year ago. Considering my one YouTube account acts primarily as a back up for a dozen blogs on a dozen subjects, that...is...terrible! Lol.

I should have been in a very good position by now but due to one thing and another this has not quite reached the heady heights I wanted it to.

Now I have to admit that yes it still could have done. The factors that meddled with things could have been batted away with a simple swipe of the hand. But this would require....how do I put tthis? Help.

During 2015 this very notion of help...or really more correctly support, will become more prevalant and it is hard to explain why right now.

Much of things that I have said seem cryptic throughout the life of this blog and they were quite deliberately so. It might seem very long winded to many but this simply could not have been helped not just because of the size of the enemies I went up against but because of the people I have tried to convey all this too.

People to me seem to have a very difficult time comprehending proof put before them. Why? I simply do not know. If I did my life would have been so much simpler than it is and has been. If everything was easy and straightforawrd I would never, EVER have to have started this blog. By that I meant I simply only had to go to the news media and the job was done. I suspected, however, that they were corrupt also based purely on their respective owners so I could not rely on that.

They did as I feared they would do, nothing...nothing at all not even a letter to say I was a raving lunatic, lol. Hmm or an email as I contacted each and every one of the big names in both formats. It was merely a test to see what was what with the news media and I am afraid each and every one failed. The odd thing is I only ever had one conversation with what I had, prior to the blog of course, and that was with Max Clifford's secretary!

So yeah you could say that the corruption was spread wider than even I thought it had and people thought I was mad, lol. No just smart, able to see things others do not and...I like to think...a visionary. True that the jury is till out on this last one. Until 2015 I would wager?

I, rather annoyingly, do not work. Or to be more accuarate I do not have a job. As I said this is most annoying. I thought that working on this for so long it would feel like I had a job, was doing something, was contributing to society (you see that?!) and helping others. It does feel half the time like I am helping others. It does not, however, feel like a job. But then I am not entirely sure what a job is and whether its somethintg that suits me. I think a career would be more apt a term in this instance.

My point is, is that I have wanted to do something for sometime and I simply cannot find anything hat fits in with everything I have going on. I mean the health, the other rubbish and ... other things besides. A career is not the only thing that I cannot fit into this web of crap I call my life and many others are plainly obvious as you delved further into my older posts.

I thought now that the winter has arrived I would be planning out my next big thing knowing it was a full gone conclusion but as yet I am not. I have to hope that I have a good Spring and Summer 2015 and next year the nest things will be falling into place?

Of course next year means nearing 3.5 years and this opens up a whole new can of worms and then some. Three and a half years that all this has been made available along with anything else I have acquired in the next year. Hmm I could go after a follow up investigation to my knee? Oh, listen to me 'a follow up'? I forgot, they left that diagnosis out of the letter from Guy's Hospital and I have still YET to listen to the all important part of that recording?! Hmm hold up there a minute?!

Right a little work in progress here but I have am finally listening to the damned tape! Takes me soo long to get around to things ...

Currently having trouble pinpointing the yelling out due to knee but found that at...

38 minutes and 14 seconds that he mentions I have the knee problem.

Its annoying the quality could be better in places but I could hardly stop and say "Ooh just a minute while I just fiddle with the audio recorder I am secretly recording you with?

The intention was to get a letter to the GP that was different to what was said on the day. If no one had realised this, sorry I did think it was obvious and sorry if it was not.

OK I think I was looking in the wrong half of the recording, it is...errr over 55 minutes long and I did think it was in the last 10 or 20 minutes? It appears not! Looking like it will be about 20 minutes in, if that and I know this because I have just been asked to get undressed at 15 minutes in. He leaves the room at this point and towards 16 minutes I am having a chat with the trainee. That starts of clearer and then dulls a little but you can still hear what is being said. In fact with the right equpiment you can here everything I think. My audio gear is pretty good, but could be a lot better and I am playing it on two old Acoustic Energy Aego speakers which are diminutive in size but produce a good quality sound.

I talk about the book Figuring Out Fibromyalgia by Ginevra Liptan around 19 minutes into the recording and am still waiting to hear me yell out in pain. I should be hearing the words, please stiffen your legs?

God, how can the loudest sound be so bloody hard to find?! LMAO!

Thirty minutes in and it must be coming up?! I am, being asked to do things with me legs I remember and I was on the hospital bed laying down. Maybe I did not yell out as loud as I remember? Lol!

Found it!!

Bloody hell at long last, now let me just double check the time to exactly when in the recording?

At 31 minutes 26 seconds he asks me to stiffen my leg.

The yell is at 31 minutes and 31 seconds, he states I have a knee cap problem at 31 minutes 45 seconds.

In there somewhere he also does the same thing to my left knee and I am very wary about doing the same thing and getting the same amount of pain. However to me surprise it does not hurt at all?!

The same could not be said for the right knee though and it bloody well hurt like hell.

And NOW for those that did not want to download and listen through 56 minutes of boring banter here is, and finally though I promised months ago the edited portion of that I speak of above.

So to add to the Fibromyalgia the dozen pains I experience the other 100 annoying irritations from it, the vomiting and heartburn from the Hiatus Hernia and Oesophagitis that now needs investigating once again is the second spot of an NHS Doctor of my right knee problem.

Remember the first was Dr Saksena at Chase Farm Hospital and I then ended up with a rather rude, thinking himself scary while still suffereing from delusions of grandeur, Dr Tai and the cancelled MRI for the right knee because they said I did not turn up, a LIE, and then when referred to Barnet Hospital they ignored it and WRONGLY looked at my feet, wrongly x-rayed me as if I was an idiot and then WRONGLY diagnosed it and disagreed with me on something that is well documented...

Here is the 'You have a knee problem!' I still cannot hear what he says and think now he never mentioned it so ...

http://www.wuala.com/allnights/Evidence/NHS/Guys%20KNEE%20PROB.mp3/

Now I do seem to be asble to find the test that he did which seems to be the same except it states nothing about pain in the test, no matter how many times I find and read about it.

Lachman test is the name it appears to be called but it states nothing about pain but does state that the Doctor will place his hand on your lower thigh just above your knee. Sometimes it states that the knee is bent and I could be wrong but I am pretty sure my leg was straight when this was done?

http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/knee-pain/physical-examination-of-the-knee

The pivot-shift test, anterior drawer test and Lachman test are used during the clinical examination of suspected ACL injury. The Lachman test is recognized by most authorities as the most reliable and sensitive test, and usually superior to the anterior drawer test.^[13] The ACL can also be visualized using a magnetic resonance imaging scan (MRI scan).

An ACL tear can present with a popping sound heard after impact, swelling after a couple of hours, severe pain when bending the knee, and buckling or locking of the knee during movement.

Though clinical examination in experienced hands can be accurate, the diagnosis is usually confirmed by MRI, which has greatly lessened the need for diagnostic arthroscopy and which has a higher accuracy than clinical examination. It may also permit visualization of other structures which may have been co-incidentally involved, such as a meniscus, or collateral ligament, or posterolateral corner of the knee joint.

- Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament_injury

The term for non-surgical treatment for ACL rupture is "conservative management", and it often includes physical therapy and using a knee brace. Instability associated with ACL deficiency increases the risk of other knee injuries such as a torn meniscus, so sports with cutting and twisting motions are problematic and surgery is often recommended in those circumstances.

- Wikipedia; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anterior_cruciate_ligament_injury

Now if you have not followed the letter I got from this Doctor Kirkham from Guy's Hospital did not state a single thing about the knee, the test of it nor the pain I experienced from the test on my right knee. This right knee is one that I have given details of previously and several people were present when I did the major thing and it 'popped'. It may have been present previous to this I simply cannot remember. That popping took place over ten years ago because my father was present at the time.

The letter, laso to be found on here, also did not state that which he did at the appointment in that he had no problems telling my Doctor to prescribe Pregabalin.

I still have not been put on it but then I have not asked my current GP about it and decided to give a combination of Gabapentin and Amitriptyline a go first, though Dr Kirkham stated that I could take the Amirtriptyline with the Pregabalin.

THE PLAYING OF CHARADES

This post is going to be about Fibromyalgia but well not be quite what you think.

Sometime ago I probably mentioned about someone I spoke to on the phone that had been told she had Fibromyalgia. In fact she told me that her Doctor said it was either Fibromyalgia or Lupus. You may remember reading about this on here but what I probably did not mention was that after awhile of asking her things her mind seemed to go blank. I had told her that for a Doctor to state Lupus in the same sentence as Fibromyalgia was a bit odd. I had seen quite literally dozens of Doctors over the years and many hospitals and never I've was Lupus ever mentioned. Of the many people I have now meet who suffer from Fibromyalgia and all the books and web pages I have read Lupus was never mentioned.

Some days later I saw a friend who had a friend who had Lupus and told her what this other lady told me. "She is talking crap" or actually a bit stronger than this.

This Lupus lady had met someone I know and age was out on the phone to me.

I never heard anymore other rush the fact that she fit her PIPs payments awarded and back payments to over £2',000 too and I probably mentioned this on here and I did in letters to the DWP.

Just recent I was around the friend house when this lady inched on the door. My friend had told me that she stated to doubt there was anything wrong with her. When she came in she had two crutches and leaning on them heavily. I asked if she was the lady with Fibromyalgia and she said yes. She explained that she was tested fur Lupus and tested negative. I asked her where she gets her pains and this is what she said ...

"In all my joints!"

I was immediately suspicious. So I asked her if she was taking Gabapentin and age said "No, I refused to trade it add it makes you fat!" Turns out she was not on Amitriptyline either and was on some drug which had nothing to do with Fibromyalgia at all. I then she'd her about the breast bone feeling, the feeling under your armpits, the pain on the outside of you shoulder joints and the temperature changes and her face went blank and her eyes glazed over.

After she left I turned to my friend and said "Sorry to have to break this to you but your friend does not have Fibromyalgia, in fact I very much doubt she had anything wrong with her at all!"

She laughed and said that she had suspected as much and just a few weeks before she got these joint pains she was perfectly fit and no walking aids. I said age probably got pressurised by the Job Centre and manufactured it but Fibromyalgia does not affect joints. My friend said that the lady said that she had a blood test for Fibromyalgia and it was positive?! I burst out laughing and said "What?! There is no test fur Fibromyalgia, she is most definitely bullshitting you!"

It turned out she had borrowed money of my friend she never got back and I was also told that she deleted me off her Facebook list because of things I was saying, which would be the blog posts. I am sure the word 'shit' was used? Lol. Saves me having to delete her and I should know better than to speak to anyone from that part of town! Even upon leaving it was discovered that someone they used to know was stabbed just up the road! Yup I am afraid it is indeed that kind of place. Gives me shudders just thinking about having to live there! Over my dead body would I ever live in a dive like that place.

The lady had also stated that she was given there drugs that were nearly as strong as morphine. I then said "Huh, well if she is they are not having any effect on her!"

I knew what it was she did not like. She thought I was just going to be someone else like the rest of the people where she lives. But nothing could be further from the truth. I told my friend that she realised from my Facebook posts that I was actually pretty smart and that I would soon realise she was full of bullshit. Obviously the manufacturing of an ailment was to obtain something or avoid something, wherever this maybe, and she dud bit why to risk it. After all anyone who knew her on Facebook who may themselves stayed something would have her number before very long because I am always mentioning things about Fibromyalgia. After all there is a never ending list off symptoms to Fibro and my own are long enough and I fail short of the complete list by around 80, yes eighty, of the 200 odd symptoms.

I also laughed at her excuse that one of the Fibromyalgia pills makes you fat. I said the idea was utterly ridiculous and that if you read the leaflets in these boxes they all have dozens of possibilities for side effects. If she was in as much pain as she was stating she was, you would not think about any side effects, you with wolf the pills down! Even going over the stated dose at times. I know because I never really ever liked pills and now I should sound like a baby's rattle when I walk.

I currently am on Gabapentin again at 400mg per day, along with Amitriptyline at 30mg daily. I will up the Gabapentin slowly as I did before and hopefully on this second attempt they will not cause nausea that lasted all day every day like they did at 900mg daily? I will speak to the Doctor about the ceiling for Amitriptyline before it no longer has any effects too. We well see how that goes combing the two and if it fails to meet expectations, mine that is, I will see what this new Doctor says about Pregabalin?

The funny thing is that the best thing she came out with to my friend, not me as I would have let her have it, was "How can he cycle when he had Fibromyalgia?!" Lol, so I explained to my friend that the Doctor at Guy's Hospital did state that if I was not already cycling he would have told me to start doing it. Anyone that knows anything about Fibromyalgia knows that it's a battle on many fronts. Light but regular exercise along with diet can keep it from getting bad. So can pills. I do both. Not exactly rocket science now, is it?

I then pointed out that she stated she had to have physiotherapy but it's rubbish, as is Physio. Most people I have spoken to all state that Physios exist mainly to help stop or put off diagnosis, proper treatment and the correct drugs. They also need to be sure she has got it and the Physio would need instructions on what exercises and how much from a specialist who had seen her.

As for people that manufacture illnesses ... well the less said about them the better.

It's funny as it's the second time I have come across people whose version of what they have does not add up. Must be the latest trend?!

LMAO!

I have a few reveals coming that I have bit gotten around to that will have you scratching your head! More stupidity and incompetence along with some feigning the lack of grey matter. I nearly posted then up a couple of days back but my printer decided it was bit going to play nice any longer! Dud bit seen to recognise two of the five cartridges that have been installed in the device fur the last eight months or more? Yes an odd one that looks even more suspicious when I point out that I also had not installed the drivers after installing Windows 7 Ultimate so had just downloaded the latest ones! The software "failed to recognise the following cartridges [black][yellow], please use Epson cartridges" which it stated in a dialogue box that refused to close giving no option or button to close it, only a link to Epson's web page to order the cartridges.

Epson stated in a response to an email that their software does not 'look' for non-Epson cartridges? Yeah Sony said something similar and I knew that was bull. Whether this is bull or not remains to be seen.

THE WHOOZY SYNDROME

I feel very ... strange today.

The pills I have been given along with the ones I was already taking seem to have had a very bizarre effect on me which seems to have become stronger each of the three days I have taken them.

I feel tired and slow and that is an understatement, let me tell you. I ... I'm having difficulties thinking straight and carrying on with this post. I just want to lie down all the time and yesterday I was messaged in the late afternoon to be invited to a barbecue and I was out of it on the sofa. When I did read it I did manage to get there.

It is very weird and I hope it goes, I will not be able to function like this at all!

Oh my word! I am going to have to lie down even though it 5.17pm and I have been lying down upstairs for God know how long?!

The drugs are 300mg Gabapentin, 25mg Amitriptyline, 50mg Sertraline, 200mg Tramadol and 30mg Lansoprazole.

THE NICE EFFECT

I am currently out. Doing a favour for a friend and I am now done. Typing this from my mobile phone and I was explaining about the recorded delivery letter from the GP.

One thing I keep thinking about is what to post about the reasoning, week because it's crap at the end if the day.

"It's expensive" oh really? What £10 per pill? £5 per pill? I know that this threshold had been secretly reduced and where does it end? Fifty pence per pill? There would be no need for GPs eventfully. You just need hospitals and a department that posts out the pills which then stops anyone from acquiring pills they have no right to.

So prescriptions which can be stolen no longer exist and therefore another headache dealt with.

The link below has a story about NICE, National Institute of Clinical, oops sorry Carer Negligence stating that Pregabalin should be given out and states that it should be prescribed if Gabapentin worked but did not over side effects.

Oddly it mentions the other drug which worked but making me sleep to the point of narcolepsy symptoms and that there are similar drugs.

Now OK my previous ... previous GP, John Gubbay, never got the chance to explain that, of indeed he ever would, due to accusing me of being mental and then violent with help from the GMC.

Note how much violence and madness was involved this time around. Making that the GMC only have themselves to blame for complicating that and giving out the wrong impression, oh dear. I never expected them to do thaaaat?! Lol.

Just like I thought that this time around my blog address would find its way through note they take they should have read a lot mitre than they did.

This is a prime example of how people dull to help when themselves by simply not taking the time.

Yes there are many reasons this behaviour is rife these days but I am not going to go into them because I do not know which people fit which excuse. Again something for budding journalists to go after!

Hmm now I wonder how many budding journalists have any of their own suspicions and how far and wide they spread? I wonder if any GPs up to questionable shenanigans who end up reading this start to wonder?

Lol.

Anyway as you can see it does state on the webpage that Pregabalin is prescribed on the NHS. The recording dies have a Doctor at Guys state he is happy to prescribed it. It then is not and the knee is omitted, oh do very bad a move, and all clearly heard on the tape.

This just leaves one more like post if my plan to work out and letters to turn up...

The decision on my Personal Independent Payments based on a letter from my latest GP who never possesses my medical records!!

Lmao!!

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/nice-rethinks-pregabalin-over-cost/12741305.article#.U6QRNOBwYm8

THE SCAREDY CATS

Well lookee here?

Apparently it's OK for the Americans to sit on Brits because they are overseas?!

Does this count for the Chinese and Terrorists then?

DICKWEEDS!!

Google 'legally' intercepted in UK http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-27887639

PROJECT ZERO WITH NAUSEA

God what a day!

I hit a snag with the project I spent four hours on. I then realised I made a really stupid mistake but that I had been confused by a part I bought but actually fitting correctly.

Meant I needed to buy something but was skint (penniless). Mate saved the day but got to town and usual shop that should stock what I wanted don't usually stock them?! A friend in there called Ed tells me of another shop across the road that I just keep forgetting is there! The memory thing is getting more writing all the time and I long to converse with someone else who has it. I am extremely paranoid at times I am going to lose my marbles, memory that is, like with Alzheimer's and the respect I already had for Alzheimer sufferers have skyrocketed in recent times!

Bizarrely this much needed item at this toe of shop was also not stocked at the second store?! Meaning I had two more a bit further away and I made my way there. It was a nice day but the sub was hit after awhile and my legs and exhaustion stated to suffer. Originally intending to return to a mates store that went south for the winter. Also had to pick up prescription, well if the surgery have not refused it like the last one, but after finally acquiring what I needed and despite the Boots being in my way home that went south for the winter too!

In the playing fields I had to stop several times and then take it slow and then I got a phone call from a friend. I was asked a quite unexpected question as for the first time ever someone actually asked me about my condition! Turned out she had a friend and I got a such when I was told that her Doctor suspected either Fibromyalgia or, yet another possible similar condition shocker, LUPUS?!

We charted for a bit and I explained what I knew of Fibromyalgia and she explained a few things that signed familiar, in the way is symptoms. But then there are so many I guess anyone could come out with hair a dozen symptoms I probably had most of anyway. Then she said that she had some odd test results and was going to be tested fur Lupus. I found myself flabbergasted that Lupus and Fibromyalgia were used in the same possible diagnosis?!

I was told that my condition rang no bells with anyone and did not match anything they were familiar with and yet I found Charcot Marie Tooth (I was not familiar with), Fibromyalgia (I knew the name of but not symptoms) and now Lupus which is the most heard of of the three!! A friend of mine has a sister who suffers with Lupus.

Do not ask me if I have been tested for Lupus because I simply could not tell you.

However we got talking about drugs and some familiar names came up. Sertraline was mentioned which we both took. I asked if they helped and the answer was no and I said no I think they do nothing for me. Thus happened with a few drugs and I said it certainly sounds like Fibromyalgia and that you find many drugs do not work. I mentioned Gabapentin and she had heard of it and then I explained the while nightmare I had been through with Doctors, GPs and hospitals in either knowingly lying and falsifying or wrongly diagnosing only to get contradicted by the next Doctor. I then explained how I was tricked into looking like a list by first being told Pregabalin, a new version of Gabapentin, would be prescribed and then a letter not mentioning the drug at all and the fact that they did all that for a drug that is only the secondary one used for Fibromyalgia. Sodium oxybate is the holy grail of drugs for Fibromyalgia and the only true drug that actually desks with the core problem. Then person I was charting to mentioned the 'A' drug! Amitriptyline! I then said I was about to come onto that as I am on them. However I think I forgot to mention that I think that Amitriptyline might be the reason I an feeling sleep during the day which is getting me ratty and short-tempered as it screw's up my body clock and night time sleeping which really did not need it.

But unfortunately and as can be clearly seen here you cannot have a genuine and reasonable conversation with an NHS Doctor or GP because they will lie and misinform you because they are worried about keeping their huge salaries as NHS staff members.

Why even bother going to a Doctor's Surgery? Way harder than it used to be with ever changing and often unfair rules and waiting times only to be lied to, fobbed off, manipulated, contracting MRSA or some other virus or infection or even killed!

Despite my disagreeing it is just like my old mate Old Ken said "your better off staying away from hospitals because he thought if he went into Chase Farm Hospital he would not come out alive. He did manage to get in and out alive, but with a diagnosis of kidney cancer and next time he was taken in he did not come out! RIP mate!

The lady I was chatting to was surprised at what I had stated about all that I had seen, which was only the top of the iceberg really, and asked if it was OK to add me on Facebook. I said it would be fine.

To be honest I am a bit yappy at times like this because I was in pain, feeling exhausted and walking home. So anyone that rings or texts me might get lengthy conversations or texts, lol.

I was almost home when I got off the phone and with my magic jigsaw piece I found myself wondering if I am able to get my Project Zero up and running, with a few finishing touches to apply over the next month, oh and an electricity bill to sort out.

I had wondered the entire pain filled journey if I had indeed found the piece I needed and was having difficulty remembering things. I did this kind of project just a couple of years back for someone else and the beneficiaries of my skills told how I was like a whirlwind and so was the little project once done! This was my thing, my passion albeit an expensive one if you let it become expensive that is. But I was having difficulties remembering things and made some very stupid errors. Schoolboy errors!

I need not have worried add the final additional extension to a substandard item bought did indeed so the trick! Project a go-go! Except while I was being in the glow of another accomplishment after a pregnant pause I kept feeling odd. I kept shaking my head and leaning my head and cranking my neck around. Crunching and cracking as it rolled around just as it usually does at times like this. I was attempting to add some finishing touches to the project, the first of several over the next month, and started  doing some testing but gradually felt worse. Before long it was bad nausea which was ruining the feeling of euphoria I was having while testing things. It gradually became worse and I raised I wanted to vomit and managed to stop myself a few times.

In the end I decided to give up for the night and I had taking some stempsil, I think they are, which are supposed to stop nausea and vomiting but just like Domperidone and ask the other useless pills they have given me over the years they had, had no effect.

I also got a call on an update on a situation I had wondered whether was still going to happen. It did. I have alluded to this very recently and this is all I will do.

There is a time to state things and a time to not state things and this can be for a whole number of reasons. Some help was requested if me I was unfortunately unable to provide on this occasion and what had transpired sorry if cane out if the blue and was not prepared for it. Maybe, just maybe I was wing bit to take up the proposal made to me on behalf on Groupon?

But this is the thing with life, you just cannot predict what will happen next and on top of that no matter how good a Doctor you may think you are you cannot imagine what some conditions age like to live with and how frustrated you can get. Being told 'sorry your screwed and have to live a life of never-ending hell of different kinds ask because they want to save a few quid while earning a few hundred thousand pounds per year.

That, however, will come to an end before long in a rather noisy and public way I would wager.

To be honest it's not just Doctors who suffer from tunnel vision, naivety and self obsession either. Having experiences of different kinds each of which has you not wanting to wake up the next morning when they are at their worst makes you get a great many things about people and society into extreme perspectives.

When people carry on just as they did before it can get infuriating and this is why I prefer my cut off existence for now. It forces me to see what is important and what is worthy and this that thought the best thing was for someone to walk away from a noble cause and be a father to someone who had the mother from the depths of hell was not a bright idea.

I have always endeavoured to do the honourable thing if I am able but not everyone deserves the honourable thing. It is a crying shame when egos outgrow oaths. Or self-preservation outweighs titles once achieved but these are seen as clear as day by me. Mentioning it exposing this kind of defeats the object and it is not for me to point out the error if ones ways, this is their tasks to bear just add my tasks were mine, even when others did not want to bear any part of them.

If ever a time came for explanations then there are no explanations to give because time is their enemy! You cannot make excuses for time when unwanted attention comes clambering at your door. The champagne is smashed and the ship sailed and if anyone can explain to you it is I that time simply cannot be recovered.

This is the one error that all around me make and their worst enemy appears to make it appear worse when it happens time after TIME!!

SUMMING UP NHS GP'S

Darn it!!

This fecking app has done it again and I have just lost several pages of text!!

I told them in the feedback to not bother putting their crap products forward to business users otherwise they will have a permanent weekly booking in the courts before very long!

Yes the link I give is from Fibromyalgia Association UK who curiously seem to request donations off me which is a bit odd! Charities are supposed to help those who are afflicted not expect cash of them?! But maybe I misunderstood. I do not hide the fact that I do not like charities and that there are myriads of them but I see very few actually do any good.

On the page the link is on they talk about the drugs for Fibromyalgia but there is no mention of Sodium oxybate, unless mentioned in brand name only and I have forgotten it?!

From my own research this is the only drug that desks with the heart of the problem. The others are merely mostly hit and miss affairs and even then only Gabapentin, Pregabalin and Amitriptyline have any effect. I have had the first and the last of the three and they most certainly did for me! Out of well over a decade they were the only ones to have an effect too. Unfortunately not completely.

This brings me onto being prescribed them and as I stated in a comment on that link I was prescribed Gabapentin and was told something odd. I have only alluded to this previously but this is very key and a good time to go over it once more in detail.

Of the many things I have the three main were feet back and knees. My feet had been diagnosed with several things all of which were wrong at the time I was prescribed Gabapentin. Remember this as I then state that I was first told by a chiropractor that I had two issues with my back in the places I stated. This was then mirrored by a back specialist who stated that it matched up with what was felt with her hands. But later an MRI refreshed there was nothing wrong. Contradicting herself, her hands, the x-ray and the chiropractor.

So someone explain that without a single solitary correct diagnosis how the Pain Consultant informed me that Gabapentin would work on my feet but not on my back?!

Ergo how could he possibly predict this without a single diagnosis?! Put simply you cannot! Except he was absolutely spot on!

As for this organisation they do come across as very American and I wonder now if charities to do with health conditions actually survive by receiving donations from those afflicted with the illnesses the associated charity covers?

But on the site the link is... err linked to, lol, there is a great quote that mirrors exactly what I have started on here from day one. I have also told people I know offline too and even to the doubting family members!

In fact in future I will refer anyone who is doubtful to this very bog and this very post!

Now many people give GP's far too much credit and seen to think they are all knowing and that if they do not know then it does not exist. It has also been laid out on here that I have disagreed and now even argued with a great many Doctors and GPs.

In fact I believe that I was kicked off my last GP Surgery because they knew that I would figure out that I was being deliberately kept in the dark over my diagnosis and that Is one step away from figuring it out. They knew that once figured out then everything rise would fall into place. Ergo he did not want a broken jaw because he was just following orders?!

I also stated over and over again that the 'G' in 'GP' stood for GENERAL!

Now imagine the smile that ran across my face when I spotted the following quote on the page I have provided the link too?!

Lol...

“Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.”

"These oft-quoted words by the French philosopher Voltaire [1694-1778]"

Now need I say anymore on this subject?!

Now consider that only one third or less of those Atos staff who do assessments are actually GPs?!

Now just how ridiculous do the DWP, GOVERNMENT (including the last government also body liars and inhuman) and Atoms all now look?!

My God people?! I have yet to publish the last part of The Architects Series whose title and reveals completely and utterly shows them all up for the self obsessed, money (taxes) grabbing fraudsters they are!!

http://americannewsreport.com/nationalpainreport/drugs-fibromyalgia-good-8823155.html#comment-17090

FIT FOR A KING

I am in Enfield Town library and I just had one off my black out moments, only this time it was worryingly strong.

Now there is a very peculiar oddity about this occasion and that is the reason why I ended yo where I did.

I had not initially left the house to visit the library but an odd set of circumstances led me there. I thought maybe I would take a gander in a medical dictionary at Fibromyalgia?

Now what was the funny coincidence? I was quite unusually on my knees and placing back a copy of Blacks Medical Dictionary when I started to feel that all too familiar tingly and warm feeling. Yes you read that right I was putting back a bloody medical dictionary! Lol.

Note this one continued beyond the blurry vision to complete black out which is very rare. Luckily I was on my knees and leaning against the reference section having just placed the book back in place. Afterwards I am usually a little fuzzy and out off it and the stronger it turns out to be the more out if it I am.

The worst every occurrence of this was a very long time ago and was unconscious round a friends place for thirty minutes. As I awoke I could feel convulsions in my legs body and chest and was, don't laugh, on the floor of his toilet with my trousers round my ankles, lol. O was convinced at the time this was a Grand Mal Seizure and it could be argued that the others were all mild seizures to one degree or another.

Only these seizures have a golden rule add they only occur when I'm crouching or sitting and then stand up. Well normally. But not today.

As for the Fibromyalgia read up Blacks Medical Dictionary, yes it does seem even more oddly suited to Mr symptoms than my previous estimations. Even adding my sleep problems and unexplainable headaches into the mix.

There is on last peculiarity too and this one has blown me away. To start with I should not have been able to get as far add the library today! After an easy week I had a couple of bad days and had decided that the Amitriptyline was not having an affect. Or do I thought.

Today something bizarre was happening in that after awhile I noticed the flat off my heels felt different. There eds nor much in the way of the usual difficulties and at times I found my feet felt as close to normal as they had done since the first pains thirteen years ago?! I was somewhat dumbfounded by this to say the least. I thought perhaps the Amitriptyline WAS avidly doing something?!

In the care and management section under Fibromyalgia what does it state? Only two drugs have had any effect on Fibromyalgia and one of those is Amitriptyline!! The other was called Serotonine or something similar obviously to do with the serotonin levels in the brain. So I'm guessing it was someone I knew that had been prescribed this drug and not me add I would have certainly noted any effect on my feet.

A shame then that neither this drug nor Tramadol is doing anything about my back pain!! Or my shoulder!

Lmao!

PAIN, PAIN GO AWAY COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY

Well what do you know?

I found this web page regarding Amitriptyline and pain which is the first time I have made a connection between these two.

Shockingly it actually refers to neuropathic pain too?! Why it has taken me this long to find out the details is beyond me.

What caused me to look is that one area of pain has been a little easier the last couple of days. But I do not know if I am just having a few good days or whether it IS the Amitriptyline. I have also not been out very much for three days, which is very, VERY rare for me.

So it will take a little while longer to ascertain if these pills are actually helping my pains. If so it will be only the second drug, bizarrely directly after the last, which has had any effect on this area. I still feel that the Pregabalin was the more sensible choice as this could have also replaced my Sertraline too to deal with my Anxiety Disorder, which I very much doubt the Sertraline has any affect on.

The Amitriptyline is also NOT making me ill either so that is a big bonus. It just remains to be seen that the current lower pain levels remain that way?! I have had less pain in my feet which includes the Plantar fasciitis pain along with the heel pain, bolts of electricity type pain along my feet.

Unfortunately it has no effect on the Metatarsalgia, knees, hip, groin, hip or back pains. But I take 100 to 200mg of Tramadol too which may or may not be effective. Not, at times that is for sure.

Of course I do not know how many pains  Pregabalin would have been effective towards? Also Gabapentin certainly did not help my back or shoulder pains, but was told this beforehand, or my groin or hip pains either.

Still relieving some pain to a more tolerable level I will be extremely thankful for. But falsely accusing me I will not be forgiving about, lol.

I found this page as the curiosity got the better of me, funny it is a UK web page, lol. Wonder what I might find if I search for the best painkillers?!

http://painconcern.org.uk/amitriptyline/