THE WAIT

I have been walking around aimlessly.

I got wind that someone I know is in hospital and fro someone sobbing on the phone.

God I knew something like this was going to happen and I tried to stop it in several ways, even set up a crowd-funding thing months ago.

Their battery died too so I do not know what has happened .. but I have a theory and it is something I predicted many months ago.

Anything happens I can assure you if I am right then it is as a direct result of the UK government and public services and their lies and neglect.

I might have to email someone I have been holding off over for weeks if anything bad has happened and I have only held back because I know everything I do is .. monitored.

I simply do not want them to get a hold of our contact so that they can run around and bury their lies and murdering ways.

Ah! The boy is OK and it was convulsive fit and vomiting which are?

Symptoms of Hypomagnesemia!

Which if proven to be the case now affects five generations ..

• My grandmother
• My Father
• ME
• My Daughter
• Two Grandchildren it now looks like?
• Though this is somewhat alarming to me now
• Them being so young and all

As this condition also causes heart, kidney, liver disease, osteoporosis, cardiac arrest and heart palpitations and arrhythmia among other things .. this has serious connotations.

Low magnesium will deplete your calcium, hence osteopenia and osteoporosis, and your potassium, hence Sudden Death Syndrome.

You see it was missed in me and is genetic and even when they did they failed to tell me of the dangers, link previous symptoms and symptoms that have arisen since the diagnosis and of course .. tell me it is genetic so that I might tell me daughter. Who could then keep an eye on her own children.

They also missed it with her and when diagnosed what did they not do? All the same things with me and now we have had a chat .. I have told her what they did not .. AGAIN!

Because two things that low magnesium causes as well are vomiting and seizures .. just like the hundreds, not an exaggeration I assure you, of seizures I have had for over twenty years.

My very, very first bad seizure took place at a friends house a little after the mother of my daughter left me to go and live in Birkenhead.

She left me 23.5 years ago give or take.

I had already been having them and that was the worst one and yes I saw my GP of the time about it .. a Dr Tennekoon.

Twenty five years later and not only have they never sorted this out for me .. it is now affecting my own daughter and my grandchildren.

Yeah .. nice to see what all your tax money is doing for all those salaries for all those years when I could have been fit, healthy and had a career all my life?!

THE BLACKOUT BLUES

I had been doing some researching to see if I could nail down a part time job, to stop me from going out of my mind being stuck indoors especially now the weather is getting cold, when I got the idea that as I go I could post my progress.

Not really enough to post just yet and still ... well finding my feet really.

I was just about to get some rain water for my orchids while wondering whether to go out on my bike and do some research when a letter came through my door.

It was an NHS letter and I thought 'oh crap?!!'

A few weeks have gone by since I had the MRI on my head as well as the EEG and I was now beginning to think I can forget about a malignant tumour, provided there was no serious cock-up in the sending of test results? I had figured that after this last week, or rather after today, that even with some cock-up going on it would not take this long.

So just as I was about to think I was in the clear I pick up this envelope with the NHS logo across it.

I was fully expecting the letter to ask me to phone up and make a new appointment.

Only I realised it wasn't as I read it and then realised it was not the second thing I thought it was?! Yeah I am confused too. What it actually is is not the only thing that confused me and I will explain ...

It was a report to state that my EEG was normal, the test where I had three spikes of pain that made me flinch all three times.

So I then assumed that it was a copy of the report to be sent to the Neurologist at Chase Farm Hospital, Josephine Swanton. Except it wasn't and was actually a letter from Josephine Swanton to my GP stating that the EEG was normal?!

Giving the benefit of the doubt maybe pain spikes like I had are ignored because it is not primarily what they are interested in?

What is odd is that the MRI result was meant to come in at the same time. The 3rd of September was the MRI with two weeks for the results to arrive, as I was told making it sound like they had found a lump. Then exactly one week later I had the EEG at Royal Free Hospital, which got me into loads of trouble at court, which was to take a week. Meaning it would catch up with the MRI results from a week earlier.

Bearing in mind it is now ... 7th October so around four weeks later, I am left scratching my head why the MRI was not mentioned and also why you would send a letter through about one result when your waiting on two that should come in not that far apart?

I had wondered whether or not that in certain circumstances postural hypotension can be so bad that it can cause blackouts? But the jerking or convulsing like feeling I had when it happened did lead me to believe it was not a normal blacking out, though I was sure that due to the way the blackouts and falling completely unconscious that I was not epileptic. So despite the jerking brain feeling I did not think for one moment I was actually epileptic, just as I told Josephine Swanton at that first appointment.

So yeah ... a bit odd and quite unexpected to get that sort of letter and to even be sent a copy anyway unless of course my reputation from a few years back has made them do this?

Hmm I keep forgetting to look up bad postural hypotension, I am sure I tried looking a few months back though, so let us do that now...

Orthostatic hypotension is often mild, lasting a few seconds to a few minutes after standing. However, long-lasting orthostatic hypotension can be a sign of more-serious problems, so talk to your doctor if you frequently feel lightheaded when standing up. It's even more urgent to see a doctor if you lose consciousness, even momentarily - http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/orthostatic-hypotension/basics/definition/con-20031255

Now as a reminder I do not have your average Postural Hypotension and purely because my Fibromyalgia, or so my GP's brother told me who was my previous GP, causes my blood pressure to be quite high. Over 140 was normal and I even registered 182-3 on one occasion.

I did some tests when I was feeling the blackouts coming on, normally while holding some shelving in Sainsburys, and I had it go down to ... hmm was either 60 or 40.

Maybe a drop that much in a very short period of time can cause you to fall completely unconscious? I simply do not know and was unable to find anything about it reading up things about Postural or Orthostatic Hypotension.

I imagine it is impossible to give me pills for as these will be cheap and raise my blood pressure, when I already have high blood pressure? I did read somewhere there are pills that keep your blood pressure at a certain level but I would hazard a guess here that as these were never offered to me that they are . well, expensive? Lol.

Let us give them the benefit of the doubt once again and that they just want to make sure and that maybe I will be offered these pills at my next GP appointment?

And why was I told the MRI result would come through in two weeks when it is now four weeks and no sign of it? Especially when the sign on their waiting room wall stated that tumours arrive in two weeks and non-urgent ones in right? A bit stupid telling people that when you have that sign on the wall. That could lead to patients living in mortal fear for weeks on end?

So I think it is safe to assume that either it will be a cyst or the postural hypotension in combination with the high blood pressure and not a brain tumour? That is what I am thinking now. That Arachnoid Cyst?

I have lost a lot of weight and have not taken Tramadol in many weeks and I have not had a repeat of the the blacking out to the point of falling completely unconscious but I am still have the blackouts daily. Just to the point of stopping still for a few moments, bending over or grabbing shelving or my staircase.

As for the letter ..

THE ROAD TO EUPHORIA

I am not sure what is happening to me or what to do about it.

Today I had one of those afternoons where I am in effect, high. As in 'high as a kite', intoxicate or stoned!

I had been out to pick up something and just have a quick scan around at phones in these gadget shops as well as phone shops. Need to replace my phone, have one in mind and I seem to find it's sister phones, it little brothers but not the one I want. Which is a Motorola Moto X Style. Did want the Moto X Force but then found it is not entirely waterproof as it seems to suggest kn adverts.

I have had a great many Motorola phones and going backwards a Moto G, Motorola Atrix ( do ... NOT get me started on that phone), Motorola Defy and some odd other models going back the the StarTacs.

I have had others too.

Looked in half a dozen places over the last couple days and not found the one I want but not in a position to buy just yet so just looking. Idea being if I found one I would put down half the money.

There is one I have thought about getting in my local Game Store but it is a previous, 2nd, generation model and no SD Card reader. Only 16GB too. I have a 8GB Moto G and I would never have a phone with low memory ever again. Do not get me wrong the phone has been great for the money but you are just so limited with what you can do and install on the phone. You can forget music.

Anyhoo I had to pick up some things from a friends shop but when I got home I was a little out of it so I waited it out a couple of hours. Instead I felt sleepy so I went out as I did not want to go out tomorrow. As I was walking along I suddenly noticed I was walking along normally, which is rare as I normally limp, and my pains had died down. I suspected I was having one of these weird afternoons I have had recently where this does happen but then I end up feeling a little ... 'high' and I mean ... STONED 'high'. Like you have had a weak spliff, or cannabis.

As I was walking I started to feel it coming on and to my shock I continued on even higher and I even started getting the 'munchies'. If you do not know you get these cravings to eat when your stoned on cannabis. It is very weird and very enjoyable, even a little euphoric at times.

I was nearing a local shop and all I could think about was drinking and sugary things and when I went in I bought a can of Monster Ripper, I normally go for the green standard one, a carton of Orange Juice and a Snickers Duo along with chocolate raisins, strawberry pencils and some fizzy blue bottle ... things. Oh I recall the packet saying 'Bubblegum Flavour'.

I felt like Francine Smith in an episode of American Dad where she lets Jeff, Hayley's husband, smoke cannabis which he gets on prescription for his very over active libido. She gets stoned with him when she gives in, catching him ... well, pulling it several times, and downs a bottle of orange drink of something or other. Cannot recall what she called the drink, lol.

I downed everything as I was walking along and carried on getting higher and just wanted to stop walking and sit down. It was mad ... I kept thinking about just sitting on the floor or a wall and before long I did!

I eventually moved along but sat down again. Eventually moved along and then sat down yet again. I sat down around four times over a distance of about 100 metres. It was mad.

I get to my friend's shop around 4pm and I was very lucky as he was closing early, had to pick up his daughter from somewhere or other I think he said.

I had consumed everything by the time I reached him, grabbed what I needed, paid him and left.

Around another 200 metres later I started feeling like I was coming down but still remained light headed. I recall wondering if it was like some type of diabetes thing and that the sugar or perhaps something else, like caffeine, had brought me back up?

If I am in when this happens I wake up in the dark wondering what happened and most of the time do not recall falling asleep.

This is when I would get one of the major fits, or grand mal if that what it was. I always feel light headed first and it is always in the afternoons and early evenings ... it is very weird and you could set your watch to it.

About 1pm in the afternoon is when it would start and around 4pm is when it is at its strongest.

Now I have been ordered to go to A&E if I was to have another full blown fit and am also awaiting a hospital appointment letter, along with a colonoscopy letter too.

I had considered going to the hospital, bad time of the day for me and public transport, as the feeling might give the positive results needed to any tests done on me at the hospital. But then again they may not do and I may waste my time.

I deliberate over it and I still needed some things for home, like milk I have tried to remember buying for three days, and decided not to go to hospital. Me travelling on packed trains and buses is an absolute no-no and this is me being both cautious and responsible. I have one other problem with travelling on buses, less so trains except tube trains, and this is when it is hot.

I do not handle the heat well ... I really, really hate it and have done for years and often think about living in the antarctic! Or Siberia!

I will experience increasing pain if I am forced to stand still for more than a few minutes and with that I get short tempered and someone rude will be knocked unconscious in the blink of an eye. That is me being ... RESPONSIBLE!

That is only the feet pain and not being able to handle heat.

There are a great many other things in things in my pain list and there is also a separate list for embarrassing things that could occur that often stresses me out no end.

Then there is the blacking out and now these seizures. It is just too much and if not for these things I would have had a job and actually something to do and get me out of this damned house, long, long ago!

It is funny as this feeling I get is quite weird and edges closer and closer to euphoria until your completely feeling euphoric. A great many people would pay good money to feel like this but when it happens when it feels like it at some point in the afternoon and you live on your own it is becoming a major bug-bare. Things are hard enough as they are without this screwing things up.

So there I was walking down this road and heading straight for Euphoria.

I do not know if it just something else developing and you have to understand that with 120 symptoms there is always something knew developing every now and then. Or perhaps it is a drug I have recently been prescribed or an interaction between this new drug, Methocarbamol, and something else.

• Methocarbamol 2x 750mg
• Metoclopramide (cannot be bothered to look lol)
• Lansoprazole 30mg
• Quinine Sulphate (50mg?)
• Ramipril 10mg
• Amitriptyline 30mg
• Gabapentin 500mg
• Atrovastatin
• Tramadol

Hmm now that I am typing that out ... I remember getting to 900mg daily of Gabapentin and it making me ill and nauseous during the afternoons?

Maybe that taking it for long periods the same thing happens? Just takes longer?

That is how I got into a row with a GP that led me to discover they knew I had Fibromyalgia two years before I self-diagnosed it.

As I told a Jehovah's Witness recently who gets Pregabalin ... they refused to give it to me several times and the first time I asked was because Gabapentin was a horrid drug, cheap crap and makes not only me ill but everyone I have spoken to that ever took it except for one single guy. Oddly this guy that took it amazed me because he was taking 2700mg, two thousand seven hundred, daily without issues and did not understand why so many people had real problems with it. Most I have read about had issues long before reaching 1000mg per day.

I am going to drop the dose of Gabapentin and see what happens?

I just realised something else ... if it is the Gabapentin then it is this drug that caused an increase in my seizures to the point of passing out completely for ten minutes?! It simply has to be.

They knew I had a Hypertension problem along with a postural hypotension problem. So I have to risk dying now because the drugs I need are not allowed or too expensive for someone like me as I am seen as worthless? Nice! 

LMAO!

THE STRANGER THAN STRANGE

I still was suffering with this flu but was feeling better with no headache. So I decided to get out on my bike with two cameras.

Didn't get an aquatic situation to film no matter how many times I looked. Oh well maybe next time. At least I was out with cameras, did get a few things and the weather was supposed to return to crap levels in the week. Or at least less sunshine.

Got a few orchids and a strange ladybird. Have to upload the video to my YouTube channel at some point.

Bumped into a couple of older gentlemen and fit into conversations. The first lasted about thirty minutes, he wanted to know the name of species of tree that was responsible for the fluff floating around. I didn't know and suggested a plant but he insisted they were from trees.

Later I realised they were from bulrushes and couldn't believe I didn't remember that.

The second gentleman I bumped into at another orchid site and that conversation went on for over an hour, maybe two?

They conversation got extremely interesting. He was around sixty five or so and not only had a degree but a PhD. He even mention a Nobel Prize award and I told him I was impressed.

Him divulging that came quite late in the conversion and once again what started off explaining about the orchids and showing him his to spot them even when not in flower to my blogs.

He mentioned public services were corrupt, told me a story I can't recall quite now and I looked at him with a grin. He then told me he was sure that this corruption and lying of the public services and bureaucrats was far more widespread than he thought but had never seen any proof or any exposing going on in the media.

My grin grew wider and he looked quizzically at me.

I then told him that not only was he absolutely correct in his assumption but that it had been exposed in a way and told him so about my data, evidence and corruption blog.

His eyes went wide and he listened intently as I explained over half a dozen stories and the proof I got. I then told him how the data had grown beyond 100GB.

I explained how the corruption worked by just needing to corrupt the NHS and this would save them tens of millions each year and also save money for the local councils and the Department of Work and Pensions.

I explained how I caught them and received £4,500 into my account except that the figure they owed was actually £45,000.

We then exchanged anecdotes in turn.

I asked him where he studied and he said he attended Sheffield University and somewhere in Salford.

I had now been out several hours and could feel I was pretty dehydrated.

Fifteen to twenty minutes from home my mother called me and asked where I was. Turned out she had come up to help do some pruning in my garden.

That was the second call today to meet me and I sighed as I keep telling everyone that on a sunny Monday you simply will not find me at home. Quiet days in the week that are sunny and especially with no wind I'll be out with cameras. Even if I'm a little ill.

I got home and they had already done some pruning.

I was out of it.

I was also wondering why I had blacked out so many times while I was out? It was mad. Every time I had got down to take photos or videos I went nauseous and started to black out and each time I had to get back down on the ground.

It also happened in front of one elderly couple who stopped to ask me what I was filming. I got up to tell them that it was a ladybird that was completely black with two large red blotches..

..woooooaaaa!

I told them it was OK I was just having some sort of mild fit.

Also happened in front of the second gentleman I got into a conversation with. I told him I was having some sort of seizure. Might be why we got talking in the first place? Simply can't remember right now.

I decided it must be because I was dehydrated and after getting home opened my door and headed straight to the shops. I had no milk either to make them cups of tea.

I downed 500ml can of Monster.

Had a few more woozy moments but eventually it stopped.

I did some looping of the branches and eventually they left.

I headed out to get some fried chicken for dinner and was walking along with a slight pain in my right foot when I heard the sound of a car horn.

I looked up and saw a soft top black Audi and the driver leaning out, looking straight at me and waving.

I smiled waved bank and in my head said with a silent 'H’ 'heeeeeeeeeeey’ and then I had my second thought …

‘Who … the … fuck … is … that?!’

At first I just thought it was someone who was a customer in a friends shop or someone I'd got into a conversation with in a vape store?

Nope! Never seen this guy's face before.

I was having another one of those times I've had many times recently where I get tooted at.

I've had days where I've heard half a dozen car horns being tooted as they went by.

I wondered once again if I was being recognised from my … on-line presence or my blog?

Two problems with this. First off I quite deliberately don't put photos of myself online and nor will you see my face in my YouTube videos … ermm I think.

That's one problem. The other? Well I kind of decided to grow a beard and have not shaved in weeks. I've had jibes about how I look like my father.

It's pretty bushy, lol.

They leaves just my eyes and no way they were recognised from 20 metres away from inside a car!

I suppose that it's possible an entire gay community had moved to Enfield and they are all very outspoken? Lol!

I dunno. Very weird.

I've lived here nearly nine years. I've never had vast horns toot add they go by and had strangers waving at me. This year it's happened in excess of a couple of dozen times!

Like I said, weird.

Tomorrow, hopefully these sniffles will go and the pressure in my ears too?

Seen to have many strange days like this. Meet someone who was a Nobel Prize winner and some stranger hanging out his car window waving and shouting ‘hello’ and a few dozen black outs.

The stranger of all the strange.