A time where society as a whole had woken up and stiff and stupid laws have changed.
Laws that they claim are to protect us but which at times only serve groups that have old fashioned and outdated notions that are not just wrong but have been proved to be so over and over and over again.
How is there even a legal fight of any kind to be allowed to stop someone's pain or suffering?! Just how the fucking hell do we get into a situation where the law on something serves absolutely no other purpose than to cause suffering?!
Then you have to look into just how long this has been in place. Then how long it will stay in place. Then consider just how many people have suffered agonising symptoms, shaking, pain and other ailments in all the years this blind incompetence has gone on?!
I only see two words pop up in my mind when stupid laws exist that cause suffering ..
Money from fear of lack or decreased work and/or difficult to tax and ..
Religion .. because some fucking outdated notion that something is linked to a non existent figure, red with horns, living in a fiery pit.
Really?! No .. fucking REALLY?!
You have to consider that among those suffering will be old people and .. CHILDREN.
Here is another example of a complete waste of time and money that was completely unsuccessful in getting a bunch of overpaid people who are leeching off the taxpayers to uphold the rules that serve no one. A ridiculous example where the answer was to pop across the English Channel with their son and administer a drug for a rare condition that proved successful.
I mentioned that one possibility of this stupid law is saving money or over money? Well .. read this ..
This child was experiencing 3,000 seizures in a single year and 48 of these resulted in a hospital visit!
Despite this condition and form of epilepsy being rare .. very rare, with only six cases worldwide, many conditions exist that cause shaking and convulsions.
Now think about that. How many people that have trembling or shaking to deal with? How many with convulsions? Epileptics? Parkinson's? How many other conditions? How many affected within the UK?
But all of these have to suffer because of difficulty introducing taxes or an action being linked to the devil's work?!
Fucking REALLY?!
Good God how I would love to live in a country where it's not predominantly made to of a populace that are secretly amoral, mostly naive and the rest sit on their arses and do nothing. A country where they are not mostly right wing in all the wrong areas and the wrong reasoning .. to keep to the appearance that they are left wing. Helping one or more groups at the expense of another.
The drug is not even the one that I'm not allowed, which is Sodium oxybate which is not allowed anywhere in Europe. Nope .. we are talking, of course, of Cannabis.
Who was it that denied this child the only drugs, out of the tens of thousands of drugs they make billions on, that worked?
Why that would be the Home Office of course and giving the umpteenth example of a complete mockery of the law and the government and a complete waste of taxpayers money while letting down those they were tasked to protect.
God, I hate this country at times.
I am sure if you complained they would answer ..
"No but that's the way that it is"
No, that is a bloody mess and the way that you constantly leave it in.
I received a message tonight about a report of an NHS cover up.
When I asked further about it they days it was something to do with epilepsy.
I then realised I had seen something about this story on the news. Though I didn't catch it all and had to go out.
Oh if it turned out to be a cover up I would be happy about that beyond belief. Because I've known for awhile now that there are some bad things going on within the NHS and it doesn't appear to change when you have moved 250 miles north .. west.
I'll have to check that out further.
On the exact same day there is another BBC report about children's health being affected adversely in England. Yeah I've seen that first hand.
Child services was referred to as 'disjointed' due to public health cuts was stated.
The government stated that "world-leading plans" for child health were in place.
Yeah right. Where?
I was astonished at the absolute lack altogether of help. Save one hamper of food that was provided to the council by charities anyway .. so not from the social workers at all. Not really so technically there was no help. When asked they said 'ask the community' in a roundabout way. I say this showed their naivety to what is happening in the real world outside there offices. Everyone is struggling everywhere and especially where I was.
I think 2018 will have more revelations regarding the public services than any other year previous to it.
As for my Aussie flu .. for a couple of days I actually thought it had gone. For the past twenty four hours I've had a slightly sore throat. Like the one you get that almost feels like the sore part is a lump.
In the meantime I wonder if the NHS will outdo itself further?
Sometimes it becomes obvious that you cannot go upwards, or improve, unless you hot the very bottom first. This has been obvious to me for awhile as merely trying to inform people who are mostly naive is simply not enough. Of course trying to inform people who are merely all amoral in reality, if not outwardly, wont work either.
So I often look or wait for signs that each public service has a news report on them to say they have hit rock bottom. This means a widespread habit of lies and cover-ups.
Yes as it turns out it is that report about the Epilepsy drug Sodium Valproate ad has caused disabilities in babies that Norman Lamb MP is referring to as a "scandal".
How many more times do we need to go around the various merry-go-rounds?
Well I call it a day of
help but I have this terrible nagging in the back of my mind that
continues to be negative.
Today is the day when
things could change back around in my favour and I hope it will do so
because it could, should, mean the end of the anxiety. Except for
that nagging in the back of my mind I have had the last couple of
weeks.
It could turn out to be
a blessing in the oddest of disguises.
If things go very well
and they would have to go very well, it should give me a massive
boost that should propel me. I am already thinking that if my
feelings get a lot better from a good day then hopefully I will be
back on my drive to get out with my two new cameras to get lots of
content for my other blogs and my YouTube channel.
Except I see raindrops
for the first time in weeks and the weather seem to say we were going
to have a couple of rainy days. Still, I am thankful for the cooler
temperatures as it was only compounding everything. But it might take
a couple of days for the thoughts and feelings to get back to normal
anyway and for the anxiety to go completely, I just do not know.
Of course this is all
replying on the fact that I get the first actual help after asking
for the umpteenth time and over a ten year period.
I have lived here for 9
years and for a couple of years before I lived here I had asked for
help for similar things. I would wager heavily that I have made over
200 approaches for help in thirteen of fourteen years and there have
been times even before that I have requested help.
Going on ratios when it
comes to receiving help from anyone I have had zero percent and when
I have helped myself it has been a poor success rate of probably less
than fifty percent, though in the recent past this has improved
somewhat.
There ave been five
legal challenges against me and every one of them has failed so you
would think that this time I should be full of confidence? But I
wasn't, got struck by the dreaded anxiety and no one was more
surprised than I was.
One way or another I
need to actually do something about this condition of mine because it
is clear it is not going to go away. Mind you that could all become
academic after next month depending on the outcome of the hospital
thing. I might not have long to live or might be epileptic and even
if it turns out to be the latter it could stop my cycling. That would
not be good to live with, let me tell you as I basically survive on
cycling during the warmer months when I cannot travel by bus or
train.
Ooh my first cup of tea
in many days.
Just been looking up
what other causes could be behind my seizure and blackouts and I had
seen various types I had never heard of and a couple of no-epileptic
seizures called PNES and NEAD where the 'NE' stands for
Non-Epileptic.
I do no know about
either of these but my money is on me NOT being epileptic because of
when it is tat they occur. It is always from rising and until lately
where I was just standing upright from leaning forward a few times
have always been from crouching or a sitting position and standing
up. It is not spontaneous or random. Almost always occurs from around
midday until around 5pm for he most concentrated occurrences. Indeed
this is why the GP thought it was Postural Hypotension but they were
so strong and I was on the verge of collapsing so many times that I
had my doubts about that. Though I never thought of looking up if
Postural Hypotension can actually do that ..
Te worry for me is that
the fatigue and lack of drive had been kicking in long before the
trouble with the DWP started brewing. It was something I had planned
to bring up with the GP, despite him having only just become a GP,
when the anxiety struck.
I have my list of 7, or
might be 8 now, reports printed out and stapled together where they
need to be sitting beside me.
I will take all of the
reports with me and see what they are interested in keeping a hold
of. The reports are for a variety of people I will be seeing over the
next four to six weeks. As stated before my memory has been bad a
very long time and slowly getting worse. SO I cannot always think of
things which as probably screwed up a lot of meetings and
appointments if I am honest. It has been amazing how many people do
not take this into account. Including friends.
Damn! I just remembered
my old phone. I forgot to charge it last night, remembered this
morning and then forgot about it again, really that is how it goes,
and after being awake for over 3 hours remembered it about 20 minutes
ago and then forgot again. I just turned to look at where it is meant
to be charging and was not there. So the whole time I have been
typing this out, every ten or twenty minutes or so, I had not
remembered it once. I forgot to charge my new phone too but that
takes only about 20 minutes to charge fully, often less as it is
still always 50% to 90% charged from the day before. Without using,
my old Moto G runs out almost completely, or does in the middle of
the night, and seems to take 2 to 3 hours of charging to get to full.
Still I only need enough battery power for the phone to stay in
standby for around 5 hours. Or in other words, until I get home.
Really it is mainly
because of one phone-call that never seems to come though others
might not have my new number as I may ave forgotten to give everyone
it. Oh like my landlord! I must do that!
Having serious issues
with my 'H' key among others. Keeps missing keystrokes and I seem to
get letters in spellings the wrong way around. Been happening for
some months and is somewhat … worrying what with the other symptoms
pointing towards a possible brain tumour, lol. But that is something
that will be looked at in two weeks time. Well .. a little less than
two weeks and I have a report for that! Lol.
Will NEVER buy another
keyboard from PC World.
Sometimes when you have
too much time to kill before an important meeting or appointment in
can be a pain in the arse. Been debating whether to go to it by bike
or bus but I do not want the bike getting stolen, it is a somewhat
higher crime area than that where in live by several levels, lol. I
thought about visiting some friends beforehand but would be too much.
I have been on the bike for three days solid so hopefully the being
on foot should not be too bad. Fingers crossed.
I think that may what
has been diminishing my drive, at least partly? Lately even the
shorter distances I do ave seemed like a ten mile hike for each and
every one of them. I think about shopping and then think about the
journey to my nearest Sainsburys and I think 'Ugh!' It is why I got
my old bike out as I am simply not doing things and going places, not
that I have a lot to do and I stopped window shopping 6 months ago
when a line of communication became cut off. As I have said many
times, weather been crap and I ave been .. apprehensive of even doing
my work at closer distances since that full on seizure. The thought
of damaging the new cameras does not help either! I am hoping for a
pill that will result from the hospital appointment that I can take
around midday which will stop any blackouts or seizures from
occurring? I hope and pray.
Of all the lists of
things one would have to hope for and worry about mine are ..
starving to death, being made homeless, becoming unable to walk and
dying from a brain tumour in that order. Though if the first three
start to look likely or even become fact the last would be a
blessing.
Hmm August and
September this year, 2016, already look to be the most two bizarre
consecutive months of my entire life?!
If you had not worked
it out, or more likely had it long before you read this, I have a
meeting with Citizen's Advice today. Whether this will lead to any
more meetings I do not know but I also ave a Neurology appointment in
a couple of weeks. Then another meeting of Minds in early September
and whether anything else, oh crap local council .. must do that
tomorrow, will occur I do not know.
Have had some anxiety today and some restlessness and with nothing to do, other than go out and buy tobacco which I am trying hard not to do! Not as bad as previous but unwanted and worrying all the same.
I was writing a post
about something I found a distraction while I had some other serious
issues going on.
I bet you would find
that no matter just how disabled someone is, except the most extreme
cases, that they get things done and then sit around for days waiting
for someone else to do something?
My own present problem
is the fact that I have no confidence in something but that this 'no
confidence' thing is actually quite widespread in many things.
Whenever anyone thinks anything about any given situation it depends
on a number of things.
The
sincerity of those they are dealing with
What they
have experienced before
What they
are told or assure
These are three very
basic principles but three principles that I for one have noticed
very few take into account.
The feelings of both
panic and anxiety stem from fear and yet when they occur not many
people seem to be well seated to be able to deal with them for you.
Their attitudes normally revolve around some self belief or even over
confidence in their own abilities. Yet these are never put across to
the people that need help.
On the merry-go-round I
am on this time I have noticed this and I have realised that what
people need are assurances or examples that show success to show that
the worst case scenario is not very likely. Of course the reasons why
they are not likely are key here.
This becomes a far
greater drag when you have a number of other things you have to
contend with each and every day and even worse when there are
possible blips on the horizon.
Two health
blips on the horizon, each with its own possibility of being
terminal
Degenerative
health blips aplenty occurring from monthly to daily
The feeling
of impending doom of being without a home before long
I had one of my
brothers find out yesterday what has been going on with me for a
couple of weeks now and he said something strange. He works running a
Ford car showroom but said ..
“I don't know what
they are playing it but I keep hearing they have been kicking people
off for six weeks then taking them back on?!”
I thought that was
strange as I was not aware he knew anyone that was claiming any
benefits and I only know one other person and that as only happened
to him of late. He was a social worker for Camden Council for 15
years then worked for an antique watch shop in Farringdon Road for a
number of years until they had to let him go due to the recession.
There is a local
sufferer of mental health who has a habit of latching on to me, there
is a community of them in a building nearby, but you can hardly ask
him about these things.
I have grown to dislike
my life and I do not like sitting around doing nothing which is why I
blog on so many blogs when I am at home and out with a couple of
cameras on my bike when I can and weather permits. Not a great deal
of late that is for sure.
I always feel like I
should be going out and doing something. I do ave an overactive mind
that always wants to be doing something too.
But after the recent
singling out of me by the DWP for the umpteenth time I now feel like
there are several things I should be getting out the house and doing
every single day. When your not doing this or you simply do not know
what it is or what more you can do it makes things somewhat …
anxious.
But no one seems to get
that.
For all these help
groups and charities no one seems to understand these three basic
things I have listed and no one caters or plans for it. I would
imagine they have all these procedures they follow and all these
protocols and I wonder if actually dealing with the victims problems
comes into these steps at all?
It may be that they
simply cannot? Though I doubt this would be the case in every
instance and surely if there are contributing factors this makes a
difference to it all?
Well I have several
contributing factors and I have not had the slightest evidence that
anything is different so far.
I spend my days
wondering when the day will come when it does?
I have been in this
situation roughly around two weeks, since I first approached people
for help and advice.
Granted I had been in
this situation several times before and all shown in the archives of
this blog but they all went very differently. I have no idea why this
time and at the worst time it got so extreme.
It may well be that
this fizzles out to nothing now but that does not help me right now
and I have literally a few days left before I find out. Though I got
a text message on a very old phone number not used for years that a
decision is made on the 20th July, so three days. But when
this decision gets to me I do not know. I guess I can expect to be
told by the weekend? But my very last payment of that benefit occurs
the day after the decision and therefore will be a gap before seeing
the Citizen's Advice again.
Now I have contacted
several others and a couple of these are meant to have advocates and
one said to have a legal team or people. I have heard nothing yet but
maybe I might get to meet one of them this week, with one in
particular I know I can get to.
The rest of the time
you should be off doing your stuff and enjoying other stuff. But you
cannot and it is like having days being stolen from you. Time being
stolen. In essence that is what it is.
As everyone knows you
need time to do anything and in this digital world where there are no
hoards of bloggers because everyone has a smartphone in their pocket
you need more time than ever before to get anything achieved. Or even
get up to a level that becomes noticeable.
When I say 'noticeable'
I really mean that enough people are aware of you that shows that
your heading in a direction … a good direction or the right
direction.
Another annoying and
rather unwanted distraction is this weird irritation I have around my
eye as it has been playing up more and more the last few months.
It should be some
replied that I finally have a hospital appointment about it after
mentioning it to several GP's over the last 4 years or so. Would be
just my luck, perhaps a gift, that it would turn out to be a tumour
or growth of some kind that needs an operation. Yeah that being a
gift does sound strange but when everything has been as difficult as
it has been at times you get fed up with trying to find or fight a
way out of it. Especially when it is down to finding other people to
tell you what to do, help or even act for you and they are few and
far between.
Well almost
non-existent to be honest and if the Citizen's Advice comes to
nothing then it would have been completely non-existent.
There are times when I
think that despite my blogs it would take nothing short of my death
for things to change?
Maybe that is just how
it is destined to be? Who knows?
Maybe by attempt to
help others on-line was always going to turn into my demise and even
death on-line to wake people up? To make people care about others
more?
To me it always comes
back around to everything being negative and impending doom to
finding a way to turn it back around the being positive.
The urge is to dig into
the skin above the eye socket as well as put pressure into and around
the eye socket because it feels like there is something there, like
pressure, that needs release. This is my right eye socket, or from
the view of someone else, my left eye.
A quick search and
something called a Lipoma seems to fit the description … only that
with Lipomas there is no mention of an irritation or sensation with
other people noticing the lump being literally the only symptom. It
basically is a build up of fatty tissues and they do noot seem to
know why it happens.
Almost oddly perfect in
this is the fact that I also seem to have an issue with my throat on
its right side and always had an issue with my right ear, the latter
for a very, very long time.
Also weird is that many
of my long list of symptoms are either located on my right side or
appeared on my right side before later appearing on my left to become
bi-lateral, meaning occurs on both sides of the body. Both feet or
both legs etc.
So I have an irritation
or lump on my forehead and there is such a thing as Forehead Cancer,
a type of skin cancer. I feel like I also have a lump inside my eye
socket too, it feels like the two things are connected but may turn
out not to be.
I am also to have a
colonoscopy at some point due to recurring trapped wind type pains
that are pretty severe.
But I was socked to
find out something extra about brain tumours. Now you may or may not
know that I have been having not just a return of my black outs but
that these have been rampant and I have experienced a full on
seizure, blacking out to the point of unconsciousness and remaining
that way for ten minutes, according to Mr and Mrs Harfcell who just
froze 100 metres away from me and just watched. The two harfs make a
hole in this instance, lol.
So where tumours in the
head or brain are concerned it already does not look now sound that
good so what if I was to state that I have discovered by a surgeon on
YouTube, that brain tumours can cause abdominal pain?!
So now it really does
not look good, right?
Well you have to face
these possibilities and oddly if you try to talk to anyone about this
they tell you you are being morbid and not to think or talk like
that. Like not talking about it cures the cancer if you have it!
I know people react
like this so I do not even bother to talk like this. They know I have
the upcoming neurology appointment and that is about it.
I would imagine that
some would panic about losing me or me just not being around any
longer as I am a go to person when things get really bad, tricky or
something complicated needs solving or an understanding or
explanation given in layman's terms.
That first appointment
is in August and I do not know what will happen and nor do I even
know if I will have a home around the time I have the appointment. It
is likely that I will but just about barely or barely hanging onto it
via the help of some other group, body or organisation?
Fingers and toes well
and truly crossed here but if I am destined to be kicked out of my
home and lose all the tools and gadgets I have worked so hard to
acquire to help me and my blogs then a death sentence via cancer
might just be more humane than living through all that yet again?
I may even turn out to
be epileptic?
Imagine though for a
moment . Needing surgery and either being homeless at te time or
about to be? All this because they failed to diagnose a condition for
over a decade and then refuse to give any support because the name is
not as widely known as something like 'diabetes'?
I have said this before
… say the 'C' word, diabetes or even epilepsy and everyone is like
'oooh poor thing … let us help' but say something rare or they have
not heard of and you get nothing more tan a shrug of the shoulders.
Sometimes metaphorically speaking too where the attitude is nothing
more than a shrug of the shoulders.
It is almost like a
'get out of jail free card' whereby they do not have to worry or more
accurately seen to worry because no one knows what it is or very few
people know of the condition's existence?
Now I imagine that this
is the only concern of just about every charity out there that
specifies in one condition or other? Be it heart problems and a long
list of other things right around to my own condition of
Fibromyalgia?
Ask for money to have a
website and write the odd letter to your government asking them to
take more notice of said condition? Other than that you contact them
for help, they tell you they cannot and then explain how to spot your
condition? A bit annoying when you have spoken to one of the top
people in the country on your condition and they did not even know
the name of the only drugs that deals with the very core of the
problem. Yup .. annoying!
Now with this digital
age and with the Internet in almost everyone's pocket if not at home
it would be very easy for a list of the world's biggest companies to
spend just a couple of weeks getting everyone aware of a list of
debilitating conditions. That is if they did not mind giving up
primary advertising space that normally goes at a premium price
similar to a telephone number?
Google and Apple are to
that you could consider capable of doing this with the number of
users they have not just an iny given country but across the world.
So how about on a
particular web-page not having some silly logo or some reference to
something or the other you have a debilitating condition for a few
days or weeks?
'Condition name and
here is what it does!'
Something like that. If
both companies did this they would get almost all people on Earth as
they normally have an Android phone or an Apple phone. Throw in the
other of this particular evil trinity, of Microsoft and you have just
about everyone with maybe a tiny percentage that do not have
smartphones, tablet PCs or computers.
Do not worry as they
are bound to hear about the condition advertised from someone they
know that does have a smartphone or PC.
While I have been
typing this I have been listening to a brave and poor young girl that
had to have treatment on a brain tumour.
The poor girl has an anxiety disorder too!
It is eight months old and I hope she pulled through it and actually scared to look for more videos in case she did not!
This is the second one
I was playing as I reached the end of this post ..
During all my time acquiring evidence against all of the public services I came across I would also ask myself questions about it all.
One of those is 'do they do this knowing they all help each other out to screw the public over?'
Now in my estimation the absolute best conspiracies only work when there are extremely few that are aware of their existence.
I have no doubt that at the top they are always thinking of these things whether it is in government, some private American owned company such as Serco ... or both.
One of the most difficult things for me to accept, as I sure believe it has also been the case for the majority of visitors, was that Doctors and general Practitioners are involved in this crap. Accepting that took a long time which is why it took years to build up the data for this blog. But were they and are they aware.
One single GP I was under actually admitted the lying and cheating but told me that their hands were tied by the NHS. SO that General Practitioners took the blame for something they did not do.
Now I will state that I first explained to her, Dr Huq, that they did this to help out the DWP and all Local Councils to save money and she looked intrigued. Then the a month or so later I went there with the truth ... a refusal letter for DLA from the DWP that stated I was turned down because Dr Huq was unable to ill in forms.
She went into a rage and said that she has filled these inn for 20 years and that the DWP had lied and that when a form is not filled in correctly the DWP returned it to the practice. So they lied and then conveniently forgot and then lied to me, saying they did not have enough medical evidence.
Some weeks later I handed in not one but TWO privately performed X-rays of my back because she wanted to see them. We were meant to meet up and she would tell me what she thought of the X-rays but ... when I came back in to make an appointment her stunned staff informed me she had marched in one morning, stated she had, had enough of the NHS, spun around and walked out! Taking my X-rays with her and staff having to phone the NHS to get a stand in GP until they had moved all the patients to other clinics.
So it would seem they knew patients were being screwed for money but did not know the bigger picture.
She learnt something that other GP's I have had have not. Be careful or you will be left holding the baby!
But if they did not know then how were the NHS doing it?
I fully believe I now know the answer to that question.
Recently I had a phone conversation with the DWP where an odd, not too bright but patronizing woman, who obviously thinks all those without jobs are scum, said that they basically needed a letter where the GP worded it like he was there when I had a major seizure and fell unconscious.
That statement from her was so obviously lame that my answer was that GPs, Doctors, Nurses and Specialists cannot follow all their patients around 24 hours a day to see these healthh events when they happen and of course, IF they happen too.
Then I got a letter from my GP to give to the DWP and that question had lodged right into my mind, it was that bloody stupid.
When I got home I had a friend here who is himself a professional and was a social worker for Camden Council for 15 years. So he dealt a lot with people and their health issues and their Doctors and GP's. I looked at the letter and I spotted the word 'alleged'.I showed it to him and he reeled in horror and said that the use of that word in that context makes it appear that I am lying.
I laughed and said "What are they actually going to say that I made up a long list of symptoms for more than 15 years then waited all that time to say ... "Oh, guess what ... it is Fibromyalgia!" Fifteen years plus! REALLY?!
I was not happy with the letter I had just paid them £25 for and so sent them an email. The next day, yesterday, the GP called me up and told me that "We have to put alleged for legal reasons"?! I then told him that it was unny he should say that as when I spoke to the DWP they basically wanted a letter that was worded in such a way that he was standing behind me when the seizure happened and all the other Fibromyalgia stuff had happened. I told him that I told her that this was effing ludicrous and based on this no one would be getting any money at all who actually possessed all limbs while not confined to a wheelchair! I think he saw what I was getting at?
Anyway he agreed to re-write the letter. So I am taking to back today.
But then I thought ... "Wait a minute? I am assuming that because he said he had to put that 'alleged' in for legal reasons that a solicitors firm told them to do this. But WHAT IF it was the NHS?!"
BOOM! LIGHTNING!!
Suddenly every Doctor's letter states 'alleged' while the DWP want a written account of a GP witnessing this?! There's your trap. THAT'S YOUR CONSPIRACY!
Hmm ... do I bow at this point or just saunter quietly out the back door?!
LMFAO ...
Oh and the seizure?
The appointment came through this morning ... oddly I do not have to ring up and it is already set ...
Now remember ... this appointment below is because of symptoms I have told all five GP Surgeries about I have been under while in Enfield.
I cannot recall if it occurred or I told any one before Enfield. Hmm the ear thing, yes. The eye thing I am pretty sure, no.
Sooo if it is a tumour ... or turns out to be something ... fatal ... or progressively debilitating..
I still was suffering with this flu but was feeling better with no headache. So I decided to get out on my bike with two cameras.
Didn't get an aquatic situation to film no matter how many times I looked. Oh well maybe next time. At least I was out with cameras, did get a few things and the weather was supposed to return to crap levels in the week. Or at least less sunshine.
Got a few orchids and a strange ladybird. Have to upload the video to my YouTube channel at some point.
Bumped into a couple of older gentlemen and fit into conversations. The first lasted about thirty minutes, he wanted to know the name of species of tree that was responsible for the fluff floating around. I didn't know and suggested a plant but he insisted they were from trees.
Later I realised they were from bulrushes and couldn't believe I didn't remember that.
The second gentleman I bumped into at another orchid site and that conversation went on for over an hour, maybe two?
They conversation got extremely interesting. He was around sixty five or so and not only had a degree but a PhD. He even mention a Nobel Prize award and I told him I was impressed.
Him divulging that came quite late in the conversion and once again what started off explaining about the orchids and showing him his to spot them even when not in flower to my blogs.
He mentioned public services were corrupt, told me a story I can't recall quite now and I looked at him with a grin. He then told me he was sure that this corruption and lying of the public services and bureaucrats was far more widespread than he thought but had never seen any proof or any exposing going on in the media.
My grin grew wider and he looked quizzically at me.
I then told him that not only was he absolutely correct in his assumption but that it had been exposed in a way and told him so about my data, evidence and corruption blog.
His eyes went wide and he listened intently as I explained over half a dozen stories and the proof I got. I then told him how the data had grown beyond 100GB.
I explained how the corruption worked by just needing to corrupt the NHS and this would save them tens of millions each year and also save money for the local councils and the Department of Work and Pensions.
I explained how I caught them and received £4,500 into my account except that the figure they owed was actually £45,000.
We then exchanged anecdotes in turn.
I asked him where he studied and he said he attended Sheffield University and somewhere in Salford.
I had now been out several hours and could feel I was pretty dehydrated.
Fifteen to twenty minutes from home my mother called me and asked where I was. Turned out she had come up to help do some pruning in my garden.
That was the second call today to meet me and I sighed as I keep telling everyone that on a sunny Monday you simply will not find me at home. Quiet days in the week that are sunny and especially with no wind I'll be out with cameras. Even if I'm a little ill.
I got home and they had already done some pruning.
I was out of it.
I was also wondering why I had blacked out so many times while I was out? It was mad. Every time I had got down to take photos or videos I went nauseous and started to black out and each time I had to get back down on the ground.
It also happened in front of one elderly couple who stopped to ask me what I was filming. I got up to tell them that it was a ladybird that was completely black with two large red blotches..
..woooooaaaa!
I told them it was OK I was just having some sort of mild fit.
Also happened in front of the second gentleman I got into a conversation with. I told him I was having some sort of seizure. Might be why we got talking in the first place? Simply can't remember right now.
I decided it must be because I was dehydrated and after getting home opened my door and headed straight to the shops. I had no milk either to make them cups of tea.
I downed 500ml can of Monster.
Had a few more woozy moments but eventually it stopped.
I did some looping of the branches and eventually they left.
I headed out to get some fried chicken for dinner and was walking along with a slight pain in my right foot when I heard the sound of a car horn.
I looked up and saw a soft top black Audi and the driver leaning out, looking straight at me and waving.
I smiled waved bank and in my head said with a silent 'H’ 'heeeeeeeeeeey’ and then I had my second thought …
‘Who … the … fuck … is … that?!’
At first I just thought it was someone who was a customer in a friends shop or someone I'd got into a conversation with in a vape store?
Nope! Never seen this guy's face before.
I was having another one of those times I've had many times recently where I get tooted at.
I've had days where I've heard half a dozen car horns being tooted as they went by.
I wondered once again if I was being recognised from my … on-line presence or my blog?
Two problems with this. First off I quite deliberately don't put photos of myself online and nor will you see my face in my YouTube videos … ermm I think.
That's one problem. The other? Well I kind of decided to grow a beard and have not shaved in weeks. I've had jibes about how I look like my father.
It's pretty bushy, lol.
They leaves just my eyes and no way they were recognised from 20 metres away from inside a car!
I suppose that it's possible an entire gay community had moved to Enfield and they are all very outspoken? Lol!
I dunno. Very weird.
I've lived here nearly nine years. I've never had vast horns toot add they go by and had strangers waving at me. This year it's happened in excess of a couple of dozen times!
Like I said, weird.
Tomorrow, hopefully these sniffles will go and the pressure in my ears too?
Seen to have many strange days like this. Meet someone who was a Nobel Prize winner and some stranger hanging out his car window waving and shouting ‘hello’ and a few dozen black outs.
I have spent the last several hours forgetting what took place this afternoon, then remembering and then being shocked ask over again.
I am simply stunned I had a grand mal seizure.
I shouldn't be, or at least not as shocked as I am. I knew it was heading for something. They seemed to be getting stronger every now and then and I collapsed completely a couple of times recently.
When I say that I mean collapsing completely to the floor, not against a shelf or magazine rack and holding on for dear life as is normally the case and has been for a number of years now.
It keeps flashing through my mind how weirded out I was at finding myself lying on the floor. On my left side I think. I only remember feeling like I was being violently shaken but in an involuntary movement kind of way and sitting upright and staggering into my knees.
As far as I can find the postural hypertension I was diagnosed with does not come up as a cause for seizures. Many things do and unfortunately many are fatal.
Many of the ones that aren't fatal can easily be ruled out, bit leaving the prognosis looking too clever.
Well I did state several times that I don't think I would make it to the age my father did at 56.
To think, I thought enough people would realise the truths hidden in this blog, tell family and friends about it who would do the same and I'd get to have a private Doctor look at me before the NHS killed me?
Fat chance.
Was not that long ago I told a friend it looks like I have diverticulitis and he said that, that , could kill me.
Oddly one of the not so nice possible causes does state fogginess of the brain and more importantly, gut problems.
I had settled in diverticulitis because it was obvious that bacteria was involved each time I had a fourteen hour dose from hell. Unless the guy problems listed for the condition I saw involved bacteria?
Seems funny really waiting eight days to see a Doctor over things that have a 50/50 chance of being the worst kind of news! Lol.
A friend of mine said I am not eating enough. He says that for everything that ever happens. I'm sure fit some bizarre reasons he wants me to get fat?
Except I have spent twenty plus years not eating breakfast and I had a banana and a couple of Jaffa cakes with milk this morning.
So it's not lack of food not is it low blood sugar.
EDIT: I also forgot to put in the very thing I forgot to mention in the previous post. I had scraped my arm in one place and a scratch on the opposite side of my forearm. So I deduced that as I fell my arm went through the wire of the fence.
I also felt a stinging in the back of my leg and after a few minutes a stinging feeling also on my forearm and later realised I had landed in a load of stinging nettles.
It is only now I am wondering what would happen if someone had a fit and fell into a she load of stinging nettles?! Ouch!
END EDIT
I had forgotten until I see the BBC News below that along with getting several movies and several photographs of some of the British wildlife I saw a very large wasp while I was out.
It was so large it had to be a Hornet but not one over seen before and certainly not anywhere around here. Whereas Hornets are slightly hairy this had a smooth abdomen just like your average wasp. It was almost exactly the same colour as the average wasp. Just over twice the size.
It flew down into some grass right in front of me. I tried to tease it out with a stick to film it but no joy. It must have had a burrow in the soil to not come out when teased?
Every now and then I receieve emails regarding causes, petitions and protests regarding some form or other.
Every now and then I am surprised by the very organisations because they are so strict about being politically correct that it has gone way overr the top and those they do not want to upset lately can show their true colours and even at any ages.
Firstly I know a schoolboy who has had a difficult time of it. He was picked upon by a another boy bigger than him and of a different race. He is a little small for his age and unforortunately an easy target most of the time. On this particular ocassion he had a new Thermos branded flask and the other boy took it, spat inside it and threw it at a bus.
Not aware of how things are done in schools I was told how the mother of the boy spoke to some kind of Police Officer that deals with schools and troubles from pupils. I do not know when this was set up and wondered if it had anything to do with the increase in knife crimes and that poor teacher that died after being stabbed? The officer told the mother on the phone that this particular school, very close to Enfield Island Village, not sure of the name of the school, took over because the previous officer quit over stress of dealing with these kids. He went on to explain that since he haad taken over and with over ten years experience he had never come across a school or an area like it. First off on approaching two boys about their behaviour they then threatened to kill him. He had to then get two Metropolitan Police Officers to come down and physically arrest the boys and take them to a Police Station hoping this would scare them. It had no effect. The school the boy I know attends came as a shock to him with more than just trouble from the kids as previously a member of staff, I think it was the Deputy Head but could be wrong, was sacked for stealing equipment from the school?!
All I can say is WTF?!
He want on to agreeing with the mother about what these kids need and I will not be stating here out of protection of those involved but what was agreed upon was something that that the officer would never have agreed upon before his new posting.
This is Enfield for christ's sake?!
In Jersey a man, called Steve, that suffers from Multiple Sclerosis, Epilepsy and MRSA lives in care and has done for 5 years. Now he wants to return home to Scotland to be near his family so he can see them a lot more often and his family want him there. However he is being refused this?!
Now as I understand it the authorities in Jersey pay for his care and the family want him to return to Ayrshire in Scotland and the authorities there are refusing to fund his care unless the authorities in Jersey pay for it?!
That is bonkers!! The authorities in Jersey stated that they would only pay for one month.
Why are the authorities in Scotland, I thought it was supposed to be a wonderful place to live, refusing to fund his care is what I want to know?%
Anyhoo...they emailed me and asked if I would sign a petition and I thought I would post that email link to it in here...
I find the statements released in recent times regarding cannabis as... head scratchingly hilarious. Confusing while funny.
This BBC report I found tonight was sobering of a surprise.
After the recent reports starting that cannabis causes psychosis and I said rubbish I now read this report and raise they were playing both loose and fast with the truth.
I have stated for many more years than this blog has been live that I believed... no I was convinced that it causes problems in people that already have problems. If there is an underlying mental issue or even perhaps a family history of things then your at a high risk from smoking cannabis. However I can't tell you how high that risk is. Because it may only be specific illnesses and may need certain doses but because cannabis was just totally ignored because of sometimes agenda we... basically don't know.
This report now states this in detail and even separates the two chemicals within cannabis and discovers some surprising things about the stuff. Some of it surprisingly good especially if you suffer from epilepsy. I know someone I would wager won't like hearing this but more about that another time.
It now turns out... allegedly that the THC that everyone talks about can cause the problems with psychosis and memory issues...noo my memory has no connection whatsoever with me using cannabis in the past as that was... bloody ages ago and I was not a big smoker of it anyway. It had fantastic affects on my Fibromyalgia and then many years later on discovering my Fibromyalgia then discovered it had good effects from cannabis. I told several Doctors this too and still Fibromyalgia was never, evermentioned as a possibility.
It also turns out that the other chemical, the one that sounds more like the chemical that gets you high, CBD, cannabinidol, helps improve memory as well as slow down, stop and even prevent epilepsy?! Mad! In this report it turns out that parents of children with bad seizures have used something called Charlotte's Web which contains the CBD drug to amazing results. Trials are now ongoing, probably not the UK because of the corrupt NHS and powers that have large broom handles sticking out their arises and still in the mud laid down in medieval times, lol!
So when they said in the initial report that your for times more likely, or whatever figure it was, they were saying three quarters of the public are bonkers?! Lmao!
If they were aware of the fact that preexisting mental issues were why the numbers raised they were very, very stupid to word their report the way they did. Well either they are the stupid news media that reworded it to suit headlines, lol.
Either way the facts I stick to still remain the case.
Epilepsy suffered everywhere will have raised an eyebrow by now, then lowered, then raised it again, then lowered it before their legs and arms follow and the fall to the floor having another seizure.
Joking apart it's not nice to have. Though I have met many that have got used to them I don't know how. I had one many years ago, oddly aster getting stoned and everyone, including Doctors, blamed the cannabis.
Now what am I supposed to think? Lol!
I stopped taking Amitriptyline five days ago and went to my town to get a passport photo and a passport application form. Been trying to do that for two weeks. Got to a friend's place for a cup of tea and showed him the odd bits I bought from Maplin, key ring scissors, blank DVDs, pouch for headphones. Sat down and said "Oh fuck!! Remember I said when I left here earlier that I needed something in the town? Well I just remembered what it is... passport photo and application form!"
He finally realized what a problem my memory is and looked shocked and asked if I was joking!
I am in Enfield Town library and I just had one off my black out moments, only this time it was worryingly strong.
Now there is a very peculiar oddity about this occasion and that is the reason why I ended yo where I did.
I had not initially left the house to visit the library but an odd set of circumstances led me there. I thought maybe I would take a gander in a medical dictionary at Fibromyalgia?
Now what was the funny coincidence? I was quite unusually on my knees and placing back a copy of Blacks Medical Dictionary when I started to feel that all too familiar tingly and warm feeling. Yes you read that right I was putting back a bloody medical dictionary! Lol.
Note this one continued beyond the blurry vision to complete black out which is very rare. Luckily I was on my knees and leaning against the reference section having just placed the book back in place. Afterwards I am usually a little fuzzy and out off it and the stronger it turns out to be the more out if it I am.
The worst every occurrence of this was a very long time ago and was unconscious round a friends place for thirty minutes. As I awoke I could feel convulsions in my legs body and chest and was, don't laugh, on the floor of his toilet with my trousers round my ankles, lol. O was convinced at the time this was a Grand Mal Seizure and it could be argued that the others were all mild seizures to one degree or another.
Only these seizures have a golden rule add they only occur when I'm crouching or sitting and then stand up. Well normally. But not today.
As for the Fibromyalgia read up Blacks Medical Dictionary, yes it does seem even more oddly suited to Mr symptoms than my previous estimations. Even adding my sleep problems and unexplainable headaches into the mix.
There is on last peculiarity too and this one has blown me away. To start with I should not have been able to get as far add the library today! After an easy week I had a couple of bad days and had decided that the Amitriptyline was not having an affect. Or do I thought.
Today something bizarre was happening in that after awhile I noticed the flat off my heels felt different. There eds nor much in the way of the usual difficulties and at times I found my feet felt as close to normal as they had done since the first pains thirteen years ago?! I was somewhat dumbfounded by this to say the least. I thought perhaps the Amitriptyline WAS avidly doing something?!
In the care and management section under Fibromyalgia what does it state? Only two drugs have had any effect on Fibromyalgia and one of those is Amitriptyline!! The other was called Serotonine or something similar obviously to do with the serotonin levels in the brain. So I'm guessing it was someone I knew that had been prescribed this drug and not me add I would have certainly noted any effect on my feet.
A shame then that neither this drug nor Tramadol is doing anything about my back pain!! Or my shoulder!
