THE ROAD TO EUPHORIA

I am not sure what is happening to me or what to do about it.

Today I had one of those afternoons where I am in effect, high. As in 'high as a kite', intoxicate or stoned!

I had been out to pick up something and just have a quick scan around at phones in these gadget shops as well as phone shops. Need to replace my phone, have one in mind and I seem to find it's sister phones, it little brothers but not the one I want. Which is a Motorola Moto X Style. Did want the Moto X Force but then found it is not entirely waterproof as it seems to suggest kn adverts.

I have had a great many Motorola phones and going backwards a Moto G, Motorola Atrix ( do ... NOT get me started on that phone), Motorola Defy and some odd other models going back the the StarTacs.

I have had others too.

Looked in half a dozen places over the last couple days and not found the one I want but not in a position to buy just yet so just looking. Idea being if I found one I would put down half the money.

There is one I have thought about getting in my local Game Store but it is a previous, 2nd, generation model and no SD Card reader. Only 16GB too. I have a 8GB Moto G and I would never have a phone with low memory ever again. Do not get me wrong the phone has been great for the money but you are just so limited with what you can do and install on the phone. You can forget music.

Anyhoo I had to pick up some things from a friends shop but when I got home I was a little out of it so I waited it out a couple of hours. Instead I felt sleepy so I went out as I did not want to go out tomorrow. As I was walking along I suddenly noticed I was walking along normally, which is rare as I normally limp, and my pains had died down. I suspected I was having one of these weird afternoons I have had recently where this does happen but then I end up feeling a little ... 'high' and I mean ... STONED 'high'. Like you have had a weak spliff, or cannabis.

As I was walking I started to feel it coming on and to my shock I continued on even higher and I even started getting the 'munchies'. If you do not know you get these cravings to eat when your stoned on cannabis. It is very weird and very enjoyable, even a little euphoric at times.

I was nearing a local shop and all I could think about was drinking and sugary things and when I went in I bought a can of Monster Ripper, I normally go for the green standard one, a carton of Orange Juice and a Snickers Duo along with chocolate raisins, strawberry pencils and some fizzy blue bottle ... things. Oh I recall the packet saying 'Bubblegum Flavour'.

I felt like Francine Smith in an episode of American Dad where she lets Jeff, Hayley's husband, smoke cannabis which he gets on prescription for his very over active libido. She gets stoned with him when she gives in, catching him ... well, pulling it several times, and downs a bottle of orange drink of something or other. Cannot recall what she called the drink, lol.

I downed everything as I was walking along and carried on getting higher and just wanted to stop walking and sit down. It was mad ... I kept thinking about just sitting on the floor or a wall and before long I did!

I eventually moved along but sat down again. Eventually moved along and then sat down yet again. I sat down around four times over a distance of about 100 metres. It was mad.

I get to my friend's shop around 4pm and I was very lucky as he was closing early, had to pick up his daughter from somewhere or other I think he said.

I had consumed everything by the time I reached him, grabbed what I needed, paid him and left.

Around another 200 metres later I started feeling like I was coming down but still remained light headed. I recall wondering if it was like some type of diabetes thing and that the sugar or perhaps something else, like caffeine, had brought me back up?

If I am in when this happens I wake up in the dark wondering what happened and most of the time do not recall falling asleep.

This is when I would get one of the major fits, or grand mal if that what it was. I always feel light headed first and it is always in the afternoons and early evenings ... it is very weird and you could set your watch to it.

About 1pm in the afternoon is when it would start and around 4pm is when it is at its strongest.

Now I have been ordered to go to A&E if I was to have another full blown fit and am also awaiting a hospital appointment letter, along with a colonoscopy letter too.

I had considered going to the hospital, bad time of the day for me and public transport, as the feeling might give the positive results needed to any tests done on me at the hospital. But then again they may not do and I may waste my time.

I deliberate over it and I still needed some things for home, like milk I have tried to remember buying for three days, and decided not to go to hospital. Me travelling on packed trains and buses is an absolute no-no and this is me being both cautious and responsible. I have one other problem with travelling on buses, less so trains except tube trains, and this is when it is hot.

I do not handle the heat well ... I really, really hate it and have done for years and often think about living in the antarctic! Or Siberia!

I will experience increasing pain if I am forced to stand still for more than a few minutes and with that I get short tempered and someone rude will be knocked unconscious in the blink of an eye. That is me being ... RESPONSIBLE!

That is only the feet pain and not being able to handle heat.

There are a great many other things in things in my pain list and there is also a separate list for embarrassing things that could occur that often stresses me out no end.

Then there is the blacking out and now these seizures. It is just too much and if not for these things I would have had a job and actually something to do and get me out of this damned house, long, long ago!

It is funny as this feeling I get is quite weird and edges closer and closer to euphoria until your completely feeling euphoric. A great many people would pay good money to feel like this but when it happens when it feels like it at some point in the afternoon and you live on your own it is becoming a major bug-bare. Things are hard enough as they are without this screwing things up.

So there I was walking down this road and heading straight for Euphoria.

I do not know if it just something else developing and you have to understand that with 120 symptoms there is always something knew developing every now and then. Or perhaps it is a drug I have recently been prescribed or an interaction between this new drug, Methocarbamol, and something else.

• Methocarbamol 2x 750mg
• Metoclopramide (cannot be bothered to look lol)
• Lansoprazole 30mg
• Quinine Sulphate (50mg?)
• Ramipril 10mg
• Amitriptyline 30mg
• Gabapentin 500mg
• Atrovastatin
• Tramadol

Hmm now that I am typing that out ... I remember getting to 900mg daily of Gabapentin and it making me ill and nauseous during the afternoons?

Maybe that taking it for long periods the same thing happens? Just takes longer?

That is how I got into a row with a GP that led me to discover they knew I had Fibromyalgia two years before I self-diagnosed it.

As I told a Jehovah's Witness recently who gets Pregabalin ... they refused to give it to me several times and the first time I asked was because Gabapentin was a horrid drug, cheap crap and makes not only me ill but everyone I have spoken to that ever took it except for one single guy. Oddly this guy that took it amazed me because he was taking 2700mg, two thousand seven hundred, daily without issues and did not understand why so many people had real problems with it. Most I have read about had issues long before reaching 1000mg per day.

I am going to drop the dose of Gabapentin and see what happens?

I just realised something else ... if it is the Gabapentin then it is this drug that caused an increase in my seizures to the point of passing out completely for ten minutes?! It simply has to be.

They knew I had a Hypertension problem along with a postural hypotension problem. So I have to risk dying now because the drugs I need are not allowed or too expensive for someone like me as I am seen as worthless? Nice! 

LMAO!

THE COMING TO TERMS

I have spent the last several hours forgetting what took place this afternoon, then remembering and then being shocked ask over again.

I am simply stunned I had a grand mal seizure.

I shouldn't be, or at least not as shocked as I am. I knew it was heading for something. They seemed to be getting stronger every now and then and I collapsed completely a couple of times recently.

When I say that I mean collapsing completely to the floor, not against a shelf or magazine rack and holding on for dear life as is normally the case and has been for a number of years now.

It keeps flashing through my mind how weirded out I was at finding myself lying on the floor. On my left side I think. I only remember feeling like I was being violently shaken but in an involuntary movement kind of way and sitting upright and staggering into my knees.

As far as I can find the postural hypertension I was diagnosed with does not come up as a cause for seizures. Many things do and unfortunately many are fatal.

Many of the ones that aren't fatal can easily be ruled out, bit leaving the prognosis looking too clever.

Well I did state several times that I don't think I would make it to the age my father did at 56.

To think, I thought enough people would realise the truths hidden in this blog, tell family and friends about it who would do the same and I'd get to have a private Doctor look at me before the NHS killed me?

Fat chance.

Was not that long ago I told a friend it looks like I have diverticulitis and he said that, that , could kill me.

Oddly one of the not so nice possible causes does state fogginess of the brain and more importantly, gut problems.

I had settled in diverticulitis because it was obvious that bacteria was involved each time I had a fourteen hour dose from hell. Unless the guy problems listed for the condition I saw involved bacteria?

Seems funny really waiting eight days to see a Doctor over things that have a 50/50 chance of being the worst kind of news! Lol.

A friend of mine said I am not eating enough. He says that for everything that ever happens. I'm sure fit some bizarre reasons he wants me to get fat?

Except I have spent twenty plus years not eating breakfast and I had a banana and a couple of Jaffa cakes with milk this morning.

So it's not lack of food not is it low blood sugar.

EDIT: I also forgot to put in the very thing I forgot to mention in the previous post. I had scraped my arm in one place and a scratch on the opposite side of my forearm. So I deduced that as I fell my arm went through the wire of the fence. 

I also felt a stinging in the back of my leg and after a few minutes a stinging feeling also on my forearm and later realised I had landed in a load of stinging nettles.

It is only now I am wondering what would happen if someone had a fit and fell into a she load of stinging nettles?! Ouch!

END EDIT

I had forgotten until I see the BBC News below that along with getting several movies and several photographs of some of the British wildlife I saw a very large wasp while I was out.

It was so large it had to be a Hornet but not one over seen before and certainly not anywhere around here. Whereas Hornets are slightly hairy this had a smooth abdomen just like your average wasp. It was almost exactly the same colour as the average wasp. Just over twice the size.

It flew down into some grass right in front of me. I tried to tease it out with a stick to film it but no joy. It must have had a burrow in the soil to not come out when teased?

Are 'killer' Asian hornets on their way to the UK? - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-36349379

SEIZING THE DAY

There I was in a very secluded spot with my camera on a macro tripod taking pictures and videos of some of the British Wildlife. For my British wild life blog.

I saw a couple coming along the secluded path and was annoyed I had to get up. They were around fifty years or so from me. I stood up and turned around expecting a familiar feeling to come over me.

The postural hypotension had been dogging me for the last hour. It is annoying at the very best of times and this was real edge of the black-out territory.

My new Nikon Coolpix P900 camera was on my right side on a quick release strap. My new camera bag was on my left side and as per usual I had my walking stick in one of my hands.

I felt the feeling wash over me, it really is a good description, and I grabbed a fence post with my right hand. I felt as if I was going to get through it when suddenly I was getting up off the floor!

Worse still I could feel convulsions both in my head and in my body, like sudden extremely strong jerks as if I had been plugged into an electrical socket.

'What the fuck?! How did I get on the floor?!' I thought as I was automatically trying to sit up.

I then realised what had happened and then remembered there was a couple coming along the path just prior to this happening. Where were they? Were they still there? It did seem like seconds but the last time I had one of these that strong I was actually out for thirty minutes. Except at the time it felt like I was only gone a few seconds.

I got to my knees an looked in the direction I saw the couple with their pram. They were still there! But just standing still and looking worried. I said “It's OK” out loud so that the message would be heard and waved them towards me.

As they got close I asked them what they saw. The mother said that I had disappeared out of view like I was falling but were worried in case I was … 'hiding'. “No, no, no sorry … I just had a fit of some kind.”

She told me she had wondered if I was having a fit because she herself was epileptic.

After wee finished speaking I continued on my way but feeling a real warm and fuzzy feeling, I still feel it right now in fact. A funny feeling in my head. I do not know how to describe it.

I then panicked as I had just bought a new camera only a week or so ago. “Effing typical!” I said out loud as I spotted three largish marks on my camera. Turned out to be dirt and I just brushed it off. A few minutes later a friend rang me and I told him what had just happened. He came and picked me up.

Oddly enough I had made an appointment with my GP, or new GP and the brother of the one I had previously who left for pastures new.

So now that is two immediate problems to deal with and I need to find out how I can stop pstural hypotension from doing that?

The trouble is I have high blood pressure along with the postural hypotension. Hypotension basically means it goes lower than it should. So my blood pressure can go from very high to very low very quickly.

So what do you do?

How can you take a drug to bring your blood pressure up, if there is such a drug, when your taking other blood pressure pills to keep it down?

Unless there is a drug that is better at keeping your blood pressure in a more uniform level but as per usual it is more expensive so you get the crap, like Ramipril?

Hmm … foundd Postural Tachycardia Syndrome! Christ, I must be collecting the syndromes? Lol. I wonder which branch of my family I have to thank for this one? The human body is a miracle indeed! HOGWASH! LOL!

http://patient.info/health/postural-tachycardia-syndrome-pots-leaflet

In that webpage it mentions a few things I experience and it mentioned Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I am sure is just early stages of Fibromyalgia Syndrome from everything I have researched. So interesting that is mentioned.

Excess Heat: Yup established long before starting the blog that I do not like it hot!

Syncope or Fainting: Yup always get that.

Palpitations (feeling your heart beat): Yup, had that only yesterday and thought I was having a heart attack and stopped in the street.

Gut problems: That is what I booked appointment for as I thought I might have Diverticulitis.

Brainfog: Fibrofog lol

Tiredness: Check

Sweating: Check and long established on here

Poor sleep: Check … Fibromyalgia includes no restorative sleep

Chest Pain: Costochondrytis? Had that!

Shakiness: Yup … hands. Wondered if I had Parkinson's, it is in family, the latter.

Bladder Problems: Yup, over a decade. Went to Whipps Cross Hospital about it.

Anxiety: Yup, been hospitals and even psychiatrists over that

Dizziness: Check! On trains, both types, feeels like train is falling down a hole and I grab the bars for dear life! God knows why.

Hmm so looks like something else three dozen overpaid Doctors have missed?! Blimey this is going to end up very embarrassing for the NHS.

I had a grand mal seizure once before and a very long time ago. At a friend's place and he and his mate stated it was due to the cannabis. I never thought it was down to that and that the cannabis just magnified something already there. I was often having black-outs and this occurred over twenty years ago. Yup, OVER twenty years ago. It was reported to my GP, a Dr Tennekoon, at the time along with the other black-outs and falling over. Nothing was done and after a while it went a way for a few years until around 8 years ago.

I had gone to the communal loo in the bedsit and the next thing I know I am lying on the floor of a very narrow toilet room in an old Georgian, I think it was, house and a banging on the door. I have my trousers half way down my legs and I unbolt the door. My friend appears in the gap of the door and asks if I am OK. I ask why he has come out and knocked on the door and ask him how long have I been gone. Now I think I have been missing from the room for mere moments. Turned out I was missing for thirty minutes!

That time as I came around I remember feeling a violent shaking going on and I got back to his room and laid on the floor. The next thing I knew I could not feel anything in my body from the neck down!

I stayed on his floor all night! The next morning I was OK.

Like I said … that was about 23 years ago.

This thing that is … happening to me. I can tell you I do not like it, especially as afterwards it feels like someone has been performing horrible experiments on my head then played football with it!

I hope there is a way to prevent this?!