HEART BREAKAGE

Was just set upon by the resident leftist in the building and as always over something stupid .. trivial .. meaningless.

But they have a skill like no that has people running for cover when they see them coming.

Barged into the room, without knocking as usual because they think it is there automatic right to do so that drives everyone nuts. Including one other who was walked in on naked one day.

Stated she need to get to the radiator .. because there are issues with an airlock when I had already explained weeks ago it cannot be an airlock in my radiator because it is switched off. For it to be an airlock within this specific radiator the water needs to be flowing through it, which it is not nor ever has been.

But I don't care check it if you want .. if it makes them happy, because they can ever .. ever accept that they are wrong.

No announcing .. no warning .. just barge in .. in the morning. No chance to get my shoes on or charge my phone just a bull in a china shop as usual.

So I decide to make a tea instead but I know it wont be a simple checking the radiator .. it is going to turn into something else like it always does. The very thing that has driven the rest of us nuts for years.

Bearing in mind that everyone knows about my health issues, my disabilities and namely my heart issues which cannot and are not affected by any arguing on Twitter, I might add. Nope but this person can set it off single handed.

I have warned them .. I have warned others .. but it matters not when she suddenly decides she wants to create wounds she can then go cray bout to others. Have a dig to force someone to attack them and they are by definition the centre of attention.

My room is untidy .. that was what it switched to. The some stern lecturing about me doing things that will set my heart off, which I do anyway and did some this pat Sunday. But it is not about tidiness as all that know her are well aware.

Yelling match ensues and like a true leftist she lies to make herself look correct .. telling me that a brother does not visit the house because of me. Well no .. it is because of her and I pointed that out .. sternly and told her in no uncertain terms she was a fucking liar and has driven us all nuts for years.

This brother does not answer the phone to her .. remember that for after I explain this ..

She fucks off downstairs .. I sit in my bed, bedroom turned upside down, all 6 feet by 8.5 feet of it, when suddenly I get this absolutely massive pain across my chest and back and I roll back screaming. It subsides for a few seconds but then comes rushing back again. This happens several times and eventually I roll off the bed and am wedged between a cupboard and the bed face-down.

At this point another brother comes in the room, wrongly assumes it is a back pain, yup I did state that I warned them about this, and tells me I am in the wrong position. Well no because after it occurring one more time it is now subsiding in intensity and I am frozen to the spot now. A sign that this intense pain is now subsiding I do not want to move so much as a muscle.

It stops.

Then the brother that refuses to answer the phone to her rings me after a few minutes ad I have not spoken to him for several weeks. Uh-oh!

She rang him .. he answered the phone to her and admitted he made a mistake.

He knew she was in the wrong as she always is, throws a hissy-fit about that on every occasion as we are supposed to agree with her even when she is wrong.

I tell him that I just had these pains, could have been a heart attack but I do not think so. Actually seemed too intense but I do not know .. maybe it was? He is shocked.

As he is telling me how this woman is completely batty and has been driving us nuts for years the door flies open. I think it is another brother .. but no .. it is her.

Listening outside the door .. realising I have been called and this is a sign that no one agrees with her she storms in with a stern look on her face and shouts "YOUR A LIAR!" to which I answer "No, YOUR the liar!" Tell her who I am on the phone to, she says she knows .. yeah she cannot stand that. Keeps on .. while on the phone to my brother who has now guessed she has walked in the room I say ..

"Will you leave?! I may have had a heart attack that you brought on and I did warn you about .. and I DO NOT want another one thank you! All because you have to be right and want all the attention!"

She fucks off!

My brother says "There has got to be some way of you getting out of there? She is losing it and this is like a fucking slow death, a slow and painful death for you!"

They have screwed everything up from the moment I got here by making a mountain out of a molehill for everything and then turning that drama into a crisis to draw attention to herself.

Two children born, one operation .. appendicitis and a death (not present) and someone dying of cancer (not family) and on every single occasion they have crated a massive problem in each case that had hospital staff shocked when they realised.

She is oppressive like you would not believe .. and .. family and friends and others run from her and I am constantly asked my my social worker friend, Mario "How have you not gone insane stuck there?!"

Along with his disbelief at no one offering to help me .. or us for that matter.

Heart condition that the NHS new about for two years and the decided to look into just before my life got turned upside down and now do not loo at, at all. Great.

LATE ADDITION ..

• Would not allow me my car outside so I lost £4,000 on it
• Kept telling me I was doing everything wrong
• Always told me I was right-wing
• Alienated friends, family and even grandchildren who refuse to see her
• Keeps telling me I do everything wrong
• Everything is about her
• Side Effects from low dosage epilepsy drugs for epilepsy she does not have is worse then two operations my daughter juts had, cervical cancer and strangulated hernia
• Its our fault because of our father .. unless it is the whole world's fault
• Keeps telling me I am doing everything wrong
• Tells me how the Internet works, used it on phone for 5 minutes I am BSc and was offered a PhD in Applied Computing back in 1999 
• GCHQ were interested in me ..
• Keeps telling me I am wrong
• Insists she is right on politics because of things form 20 years ago and groups that have not existed for years
• Keeps telling me I am wrong
• Tell her video evidence exists on YouTube she laughs and shakes her head
• Still tells me I am wrong
• Sister tells her I know my shit ..
• She repeats "No-no-no-n-no!"
• Sends messages that are 1,500 words or more long
• Runs out full battery on your phone in one phone-call
• Tell you she is caring but has never asked me nor my brother about her grandchildren ..
• But the tells everyone how hard things are for her because she has all these grandchildren to think about
• Friend and one granddaughter and two sons think she needs serious psychiatric help
• Lies when you prove her wrong
• Bare-face lies and twists it when you tell her we all think the same "NO! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU!" Crap
• Keeps telling me I am wrong
• Roots round other people's stuff and blows up being pulled about it, one of only two relatives fell out with her years ago for that one
• Keeps telling me I am wrong
• You get to talk for 60 seconds only and never hears any news through to the end
• Normally followed by changing the subject to be about her .. then talks for four hours .. you insist on talking to finish what your saying at the end and she tell others later "I was not allowed to get a word in!" and I am being literal
• Mario says she is evil and there is something very, very seriously wrong with her
• Does not knock on your door .. just waltzes in .. courtesy does not apply when it is her house
• Did I mention she keeps telling me I am wrong?

ANOTHER TIME OF DYING

I decided to type this out even though I did not feel like it.

I had toilet issues last night, did not get much sleep and woke up with stomach pains and ended up in the toilet .. again .. for an hour. I have to go to two hospital appointments today and try and get a hole of the Doctors Surgery.

I tried to get back to sleep but I couldn't. I have felt like .. well I feel like I am dying.

My chest is playing up, my anxiety is playing up .. like bloody hell and I feel rotten from still having this flu.

Normally I would not attend a GP Surgery or a hospital with the flu but .. this is killing me and has dogged me now for three months.

This just is not right.

So I am going to beg the hospital to help me .. because I really feel like I am at death's door .. I really thought my number was up a little earlier and I just wanted it to happen. It is so annoying when you get this low a feeling with as much discomfort and anxiety as this and your body just wont give up. Die in other words.

My heart is pounding through my chest which is odd because in my second appointment I am to have an ECG fitted for 24 hours.

I do not know what the first appointment is for but it will involve some begging.

I did also manage to get a hold of my GP Surgery, after screwing things up last week by not knowing what day it was as per usual.

When I did ring the surgery I was a bit confused, not familiar with their answering messages anyway not being here that long.

The Doctor is going to ring me today but I did warn them I was in the hospital at 2pm. I asked them to make a note of that .. hopefully they wont ring me when I am there and I miss the damned call .. making a second mistake inside of a week!

I am out of some of my pills, you see. Most importantly the Propranalol and Diazepam as despite some others stopping me from dying early .. the statins for my cholesterol and blood pressure pills .. it is the anxiety and absolute dread long with the chest pains, heart palpitations and the feeling if skipped heart beats that are primary to me right now.

I also do not feel safe enough to drive so I am going to walk to the hospital with my trusty stick. Unless something changes between now 9.47am and 1.15pm when I have to leave.

As I stated previously I seem to have had a third appointment made for me for the 4th or 5th January, cannot recall as usual, and not sure what that is about either.

It is a shame that one of my plans did not start to work .. it would have prevented these horrid feelings from taking place but then the same could be said of two public services, the NHS and DWP and now I am at the point where begging is going to be used.

I am praying that a working pill is provided that can deal with the stronger attacks .. but it may be that I need some sort of shock treatment on my heart, I think that is what someone mentioned?

cardioversion or catheter ablation, or surgery - British Heart Foundation

So those are the .. things mentioned though it did also state a pill too.

I am secretly hoping that the levels of anxiety are being caused by the irregular heartbeat and that any pill or procedure will cure it?

If they had found this, or indeed I had spotted it on my blood pressure monitor, they could have sorted this before I moved here. That could have saved me a whole heap of pain and suffering and allowed me to help more with those I came to help.

This .. bloody .. country.

Everything I have ever done seems to have outside things go wrong to screw things up i the worst possible way.

Even the IT market crash just as I got my Degree .. where I was living with a woman who had a history of beating up boyfriends who then continued that tradition with me. Only found out about her history AFTER I left her in Bristol and her sister, till on my Facebook today, told me about it after she told me she was shocked that I had left.

Oddly enough as i was explaining to my daughter .. that is when the Fibromyalgia I already had without being aware of it really kicked in.

A week after I returned to London my feet started to hurt .. well the right foot started to hurt as I was trying to get somewhere. This continued on and I started to ask Doctors about it. Different parts of my feet started to get affected and eventually the other foot become affected.

As it turned out and after 13 years of asking ad with more symptoms cropping up to add to the tally from time to time I self diagnosed it before having it confirmed at Guy's Hospital. Then as I read about the condition I realised I had been affected by it for around a decade before it affected my feet.

After a horrific event, cannot even remember what it was, the anxiety thing started up. This just kept returning over sometimes stupid things and sometimes without any reason at all.

I so want to plunge a knife deep into my chest it begs belief and I find that so strange .. how can one be suffering so bad that they feel like they want to do that?!

The only thing preventing me from doing that is the fact that I am not alone and am supposed to be helping others.

But the strangeness of my surrounding area along with the fact that I am well aware that my memory can have me confused is making things worse, I have no doubt.

I am even terrified of getting to the hospital on foot .. in case I get confused and .. lost! How stupid is that?!

While back in Enfield I even got confused with places that were familiar to me. Once I even ended up on the wrong side of town and thought "What am I doing here?! I should be several miles away!"

I used to learn areas so fast years go and I have been here previously, been here for three months and feel like I barely know anywhere.

My daughter bought me a diary as a Christmas present because eve she has noticed my bad memory and asks me days after I should have done something whether I have done it or not!

She has the same symptoms, that much I have noticed. But she is not as bad as me and of course she knows this area and grew up in it. But she still gets panic attacks over things .. like her domestic abuser talking like he is getting out of prison for instance.

WHEN IT IS OUT IT STAYS OUT

Well I will be a monkey's uncle!

I have spoken several times about the Tory government and how they have manipulated figures to fir their agenda and have known damn well they are doing it.

This is over their welfare reform and time after time after time they have stated that their reforms have been helping people back into work.

Well .. first off they have been forcing people back into work.

Well .. actually .. no .. it is not quite how they make it out to be.

You see what it is that they use and manipulate is the numbers on benefits going down .. it does NOT follow that these numbers are all getting back into work.

You see there are other reasons that the numbers of people claiming benefits have gone down .. like when they .. die.

I have attempted to point out this obvious fact in the past and when I was told about Calum's List I posted about it and have repeatedly referred to it in subsequent posts.

This is the deliberate mistake that .. everyone .. seems to miss?

From the tabloids to TV News and right up to those that put themselves up as champions to the people like .. for instance .. Jeremy Corbyn?

It would have been very easy and understandable to have people come to my posts, click on the link to Calum's List and decide it was made up by some tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. I likely would have done.

Except .. well now it seems to have come out .. in a report by The Independent newspaper. I am not sure currently if it states that the details were from Calum's List. Maybe they do not mention the lists name and maybe that is because they did not retrieve the details form there?

I dunno .. maybe some other corruption blog somewhere was used to get the details and maybe it was a blog that Members of Parliament and tabloids were already using to come up with their own stories that they have done since as far back as January 2013?

Sorry .. I had to .. pause. I did so to look at my daughter and say something that occurred to me while I was typing .. you see .. something very odd happened today .. in fact two odd things happened and something odd happened yesterday too.

I saw a Doctor after a horrific early morning anxiety attack turned into one hell of a meltdown of a level I wont forget in a hurry.

I kind of reacted .. as I do in these circumstances.

Well the Doctor visit went .. way, way better than expected and I was given diazepam ans he was worried about the 'meltdowns' as he called them and at the same time was shocked that previous hospitals and GP's had done nothing about the chest pain, tightness, breathlessness and heart palpitations. The diazepam was to help relax the muscles to prevent this as well as stop the anxiety.

Yeah .. I am being referred via some rapid-fire .. referral thing to a cardiologist over my heart.

Yeah he was .. worried.

He was also .. shocked. When I explained what I had, Fibromyalgia, a dozen of the worst symptoms and that I was here to help my daughter and grandchildren while being very far away for home he was shocked. The autism thing shocked him further. As did the fact that I was taken off disability twice and that they set me up for NEA and then pulled that carpet from under me just prior to relocating.

Then there was today .. where I met someone at the Job Centre in Birkenhead and .. well .. you could not meet a man more understanding of someone's plight and .. burdens.

In fact it was truly weirder than even being nice as .. he stated that he was aware that I had bred Red-Eyed Tree Frogs?! "Just how did you know that?" He likes to research his .. clients, for want of a better term.

I was put on 48 hours a week which was something I intended to 'have out' with them today .. except .. I was suddenly put onto 24 in the interim period between .. appointments.

He was surprised I had a Jobsearch account previous.

He told me t ot bther looking for a job and to get myself settled and used to the area. He said that I had a lot on and even asked me how my visit to the Doctor went, which was the previous afternoon.

Wait, what?!

Then he did something else .. he took that 24 hour a week work period which was 48 hours a week two weeks previous and he .. well he .. cut it down by more than half?! To ten hours a week!

OK .. OK .. someone pinch me?! How about someone go looking for Jeremy Beadle and give him a swift kick to the nether regions.

What the actual .. feck?!

More and more understanding was coming my way so thick and fast I felt I was in white water and was seriously needing a canoe!

I had just gotten over explaining all this to my shocked daughter who still had not gotten over the open and friendly chat I had with my new GP the day before.

Then my phone rang! LOL!

The Patient's Association want to speak to me! I told them I was not feeling suicidal any longer but had anxiety and that the could call me back tomorrow.

Well where was Jeremy Corbyn while this list of Calum's remained in the public domain?

How long will it be before he brings up what has now become the worst kept secret in politics?

You would think that if he stands for the things that he claims that he does that he might say something about this and that it would be a bit stronger a demand than 'you should pause Universal Credit roll-out'?

During a pause from typing this out to eat with my daughter I had another phone-call. This one was from a Newcastle number. God only knows who that is.

Phew!

What a roller-coaster ride of a few days? I have had some bad moments and mostly bad mornings since I have been here but .. yesterday morning? Ooh boy!

Then this was followed by the coolest waiting room music I have ever heard and I just remembered that I was meant to ask the staff what the music was called?!

Then one of the coolest first meetings with a GP I have ever had, followed by a complete understanding along with total shock of my current situation. Then more shock at the description of my chest pains, tightness and heart palpitations and irregular heart beat signal repeating on my blood pressure monitor. Then some Diazepam .. no .. a lot of Diazepam. Then some rapid appointment referral regarding my heart issues.

Then the weirdest meeting I have ever had with absolutely anyone in any Job Centre anywhere and that is saying something. And then some.

I bet there are a few fans and one or two people, one professional woman springs to mind, that are or will be reading this at some point, that will say to themselves ..

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I continuously promised though more of a prediction that I would end up right in the thick of things at some point in the near future.

I am in that place as of right now and the set of things and failures that have occurred thus far are nothing short of shocking and eye-opening.

At seeing my daughter's shocked reaction I then said ..

"Well these are the things as well as the signs I expected to see not long after I got here. I have finally seen these signs and suddenly .. I am feeling confident again. Some people are most definitely talking about me."

Or I just met who must be one of the most understanding and sympathetic members of staff of any JOb Centre .. anywhere?! Ever?! It was even suggested to me that I re-apply for the disability benefit known as Personal Independent Payments?! Yeah .. absolutely no joking around here.

Plus I saw that article in The Guardian stating that a housing association in Grimsby in the North East of England had preemptively sent out possession orders, notice of possession or whatever, before letters from the DWP to claimants informing them of their imminent switch-over to Universal Credit.

The owner stated that so many problems have come from Universal Credit and it takes them so long to pa out that if he had to wait 8 weeks or more from all of his tenants .. well he would go bankrupt.

He stated that he was happy this was being highlighted in the media to help the poor and vulnerable in society. Yeah, sure mate .. that is why you sent out eviction notices.

It gets better when the area that was used and a 'pilot scheme' for Universal Credit, Croydon, had representatives state that basically a pilot scheme is where you test something and the government never came back to them. They stated that if the government had come back to them, and the scheme had indeed been a pilot scheme, then they would have told them to stop rolling it out as it has caused a whole feck ton of problems.

Oh dear.

Austerity Death Study Report as reported in The Guardian ..

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/tory-austerity-deaths-study-report-people-die-social-care-government-policy-a8057306.html

Disabled people are not too overjoyed about the way they have been treated either while I have been discovering more and more that they have not only been ignoring vulnerable children with special needs but removing all support, as it appears to me, which only has a disruptive effect on all the other children too.

Here is a Facebook page with a good banner about the Tories ..

https://www.facebook.com/ATOSM/?ref=br_rs

UNBEARABLY INTENSE PAIN

I a writing this more as a reminder .. to myself due to my damnable short term memory issues in which I can often forget things that have recently occurred.

Even when this involves intense pain.

Well I just had some pretty intense pain and .. in an area I have not experienced before. Oh it is an area where I have experienced, and still do, several pains. Though they have been quiet of late.

My feet.

I have experienced three pains in each of my feet, some of which are bilateral, meaning they occur in exactly the same place in both feet, applies to all limbs, and some are not.

But as I said this one was in a new area, was brief, thank God, and I am sitting here nervous that it might reoccur, whether this be in a few minutes or at any bloody point in the future!

This was on my right foot and on the outside edge of the sole of my foot, about an inch or so back from the base of my little toe.

This was a throbbing that just started out as uncomfortable but gradually increased in its intensity which itself increased in speed. As I was only just moving my foot about due to this discomfort it suddenly intensified extremely quickly to the point I was actually yelling out!

For me to actually yell out, or whimper at all due to pain, takes a fair amount of intensity. I have lived with various pains for many years now. In many different places. One of the most intense pains among others is what they call 'night cramps' where a calf muscle just decides to lock up in the middle of the night. In my case this is so bad that you cannot even talk .. which is a very weird feeling when you first realise you cannot talk and even on the following occasions. This has occurred with my late grandparents being present as well as one brother and my mother. On each occasion they thought I was being attacked. Lol. Me waking up yelling my head off, you see.

You find out because your asked what is wrong and you open your mouth but ... nothing comes out and your struck by confusion amidst the intense pain and wondering why nothing came out of your mouth.

There was one other pain in one other area that had the opposite effect to that of the night cramps whereby I am awake .. but passed out from the pain. I am .. not going into that one but I have previously and it is not nice.

Another one is chest wall pain which I am happy to say only occurred once but I do dread that this will one day return. You cannot breath in without pain and the more air you try to take in the more intense the pain gets. It literally feels like your only able to draw in about 25% of that you need.

Oh and what I call the toe-locking pain. I am unable to speak with that one too. This one has a 'tell' to the viewer because I will likely, or used to, collapse and roll around on the floor. Also unable to speak. However this has occurred far less in recent years and had previously figured a way to stop it .. provided I am not wearing any shoes. I have a deformed toe, not noticeable until I bend it backwards which it does too easily. When this pain starts the toe starts to bend backwards on its own in conjunction with a kind of spasm. If I have no shoes on and I grab this toe and refuse to let it bend back the pain will hold out at the level it is. If I let go it will just go through its motions and cause intense pain. Hold onto it long enough and eventually it calms down and everything returns to normal.

This new one was ... up there. I darted around on my sofa for the few seconds it occurred and was bloody relieved when it did not last very long and died down again.

I am currently without a shoe on my right foot!

Speaking of feet? I am still on the lookout for another pair of Ortholite trainers .. crap! I have been fully intending to do a Google search to find a pair but I have been forgetting to do this for well over a week now!

Excuse me while I go and .. Google search something.

ADDITIONAL: Yeah it has happened a couple more times .. luckily without my shoes on, lol.

For those that do not know I suffer with Fibromyalgia Syndrome. For those with Fibromyalgia Syndrome I have spent a long, long time with this condition and though it was only diagnosed something like three years ago I was asking about it for 13 years prior to diagnosing it myself and when I then looked into it and realised I had actually suffered from it for 20 years.

For 13 years they said it was Plantar fasciitis, well most of the thirteen years, and I spent tn of those years telling them it was not. It was not.

Have you been told you have Plantar fasciitis? Do your feet hurt the more you use them like mine do? Well ... look it up, Plantar fasciitis does not work like that!

Along with in excess of 6 pains that are spread across both feet I also suffer with pain in other areas along with short term memory loss. I have trouble dealing with heat above 20 degrees Celsius too. I also have high blood pressure which they 'think' is down to this condition.

Though I have only had half-arsed tests ... like a 48 hour heart monitor which was put on due to chest pains and heart palpitations. Unfortunately this was attached AFTER I re-started my blood pressure pills as requested and the symptoms went from every other day to every other week. Bizarrely it was also the NHS that told me to stop taking the blood pressure pills!

This is because they are instructed to NOT check things thoroughly to save money.

I have a separate knee issue, the NHS spotted twice, have a recording of, and still not on my medical records proper, though I DO have NHS documentation stating knee problems.

Ben checked for anything in particular?

Do a Google search to see how any tests there are for something like you were tested for and compare how many there are to how many you have had.

Oh and as for the search for another pair of Ortholite Shoes? I gave up looking locally and went through a myriad of online places before ordering a pair of Salomons from Amazon that are coming from where? Millets! Just like the last two I ordered! Lol.

I also now know, despite asking Millets and Ortholite in the past, that the soles that wor best for me as the ones with th 'injected EVA Heel Cups'.


Oh and I hav caught the NHS testing me eithr thee wrong way or on the wrong area and have don this several times with each. If  call them out on it I get called in for a meeting and they have attempted, and failed every time except with the GMC's help, to accuse me of being violent. Me? Violent? LMAO!

MY HEALTH UPDATE

Sorry ...

I umm completely forgot to do this update!

Well I have been somewhat ... busy and ... literally the day after, might have been two days after ... cannot recall, I had to ... hmm let us say I had a meeting of sorts. This meeting was quite important to me and to my ... online escapades.

At this meeting I had, or thought I did, show some stuff and in the meeting I was basically asked to re-do this stuff to a provided template.

At the hospital I was seen pretty swiftly, I must say. My blood pressure measured 159 or 169 over 110 and they were concerned about the 110, diastolic, reading. The Doc, a pretty nice one, stated he was more concerned about the 110 reading and went wide eyed when I told him that I had a monitor in my backpack and my blood pressure was 197/121 prior to leaving my house. It was why I went to A&E really as I had been ignoring the weird chest pain and palpitations up until then. Well I say 'ignored' but the truth was I had intended to make a GP appointment for the last couple of weeks and kept forgetting. Public services keep asking or expecting me to do crap kind of screws up my memory for doing the stuff I need to.

I really expected a phone-call from the GP the next day but it never came and I have now been in there and handed in the results given to me by North Middlesex Hospital and on the letter it states they want me monitored for 48 hours.

So I had previously had a blood pressure monitor off the NHS I wore for 24 hours I think it was and now I am going to have some kind of cardiograph machine attached for 48 hours?

It is bloody typical that this is occurring right now, of all the bloody times!

I have two major things going on concurrently that I am either working hard on or waiting ... hard on that I need to have completed in a specific order for specific reasons. One I have no control over and one I have a little bit of control over.

Also the day I had this meeting I then had to drop of the hospitals results and letter to my GP afterwards and I had received a phone-call from Halfords to tell me that my forks and wheel off my mountain bike had come back from SRam Tech. So I then had to go there.

I picked them up but they were in several pieces in a box, so I put them together so I could walk the damn thing home.

Then I watched a movie, as I do often when I get home as I am often shattered, only to be disturbed ten minutes from the end because a friend wanted me to catch some shrimps, yes shrimps, from his aquarium so he could treat his sick fish with copper sulphate.

Then I got home and took a second attempt, first one failed, at putting my suspension forks back on my bike for an hour before realising something was missing before discovering it had somehow ended up on the floor under my printer?! Grrr ....

Then I had to feck around with the brake caliper as some reading this might recall that after the fisco I discovered that my brake disc had a very slight bend in it.

After re-arranging some washers I managed to get the wheel spinning with not even the slightest rubbing taking place!

Then I had to do this 16 page ... umm, let us say 'report'?

These chest pains and heart palpitations was something I did not get to explain to a certain family member I rowed with in two visits by them.

But then I know that one symptom I had, or at least the word for it of 'palpitations', I would have been interrupted and gotten a lecture on as they claimed to have had it going on 20 years ago. Except the word 'palpitations' does not mean what they stated in did when I was a kid and used to hear her and my father state it. Because of this I thought it was nothing much really so I was surprised when the A&E Doctor and nurses were so concerned about it.

Within 30 minutes or so I had been seen three times by three different people. I was out within an hour and that was after being left in a ward for 20 minutes.

Oh yeah and that day of the ... meeting,GP results drop in and suspension fork pick up? Yeah it rained a lot that day too!

So that one rare day where I have countless things going on and have to complete and it bloody well rains!

A time when things for me are gradually ... making their way to the ... launch pad and I start having these damn chest pains and palpitations?! Bloody well typical.

I did state twice to the family member that never listens that with my luck I will drop dead before I reach ... hmm let us say the take off point?

Yeah there are some that know what it is I have going on, but with some things not all the details in full just yet. But they kind of know the two things I have going on right now. Though I have fallen out with one so they are going to have to find out third hand ... and several days to several weeks late I am afraid. So yeah they might find it bloody strange that I am having these issues right now when I have these two things going on.

Both Sod's Law and Murphy's Law both acting in tandem currently to screw me over.

Oh and I have to now get fit, did go out on my more expensive and reliable bike for 11 miles yesterday ... with no chest issues luckily which is why it came as a surprise when I had an issue today While out. Which is the first time this has occurred while out of the house.

But I have this stuff going on while a certain public service is placing pressure on me to do a load of crap that gets neither me or them anywhere and is now in actual fact both pointless and ... academic! I am speaking, of course, about the DWP!

But as like so many other times previous it is just another one of my intricate webs that many know as traps and just as ever I have many things I have to focus on as a kind of background check or behind the scenes look.

You might say a 'covering my own arse' endeavour is going on?

I just hope I do not make it onto Calum's List ... not right now at any rate and if one thing I am waiting on is far worse, or less, than I had calculated then I might welcome making it onto Calum's damned list?!

I think I will go do a Google search on heart palpitations and chest pain now that I have finished typing this?

Fingers crossed!

EDIT: Oh yeah, in case you missed it I stopped my blood pressure pills because I was told to because I was having blackouts and falling unconscious ... just for the record, lol.

HATING ON THE 'A's & THE 'E's

I am in bloody A&E once again.

I have not mentioned it previously but I've been having some ... issues. This has been going on for about a month. Maybe more? Cannot recall.

Anyway the first time it took place i had eaten a lot and put the symptoms I was having down to that.

I had heart palpitations along with discomfort that wandered over the threshold into sight pain. I had also felt breathless.

As I said this first occurred some weeks ago and I thought it had something to do with over eating.

However, several days to a week later I felt this discomfort once again. This time there was no over indulging involved.

Since then it has occurred several times and seems now to be becoming more frequent.

It has also lasted for a few hours each tube it had occurred.

Today I was planning to admit myself to A&E just to have a few tests done.

This is because despite it not being intense pain it is the region of the heart. I also had a heart trace 6 months or so ago that flashed up a few warning signals, heart wall thickening was one.

But someone called me and was on the phone for a couple hours so I decided to go to hospital tomorrow instead.

Except another friend called me I had told earlier in the day I would go to hospital. He then complained that i had not gone and asked me to do a blood pressure test.

I watched as the diastolic number went above 200 and thought. "Uh-oh!" It eventually ended with a reading of 197! Highest I think I've ever tested at.

Now it should be stated that my father as well as my grandmother died of heart related problems. I still don't know how my Uncle died but both he and my father were in their mid fifties when they passed away.

So the symptoms and source are things that give pause to thought at the best of times. With my medical history along with my father and grandmother ... I need to be careful.

So when my friend was told on the phone that my blood pressure came up with 197 he ... just got called in for the second time.

Yes my friend nagged me to ring 999 but i decided to ring 111 instead.

"It's not on ... Man!" he insisted.

So I rang 111 and of course I get told to go to an A&E within the hour.

I got here about 4.30pm, maybe later? It's not even 5.30pm right now and I've already been called in twice.

That's twice since I started this.

My friend was annoyed, shocked and disappointed that considering my symptoms they did not send an ambulance. An ambulance never occurred to me until he complained about it. Him complaining did get me thinking and wondered what if all the exertion was to cause something drastic to occur?

So then I thought about starting this blog post while I was on the bus. But as I had feared and why I had decided not to travel to hospital in the afternoon ... it was filled with schoolchildren. In my neighbourhood there seems to be tens of thousands and they seemed like they were everywhere. Floors, seats, walls and even ceilings there are so many and of course they are loud. Louder than hell itself.

Soo I decided to wait until I was in the hospital waiting room. Of course you get called as opposed to a monitor screen with your name popping up. So listening to music was not really an option.

In fact I tried to listen to music thinking I had at least 30 minutes before the initial check over by a nurse. This was the time it took the last time I was here.

But no.

I was called within a few minutes. Had blood pressure measured, it was high but didn't give a number. Took my pulse and asked me to take a seat in the waiting room.

I thought that surely this time it would be a long wait but by the time the song was playing someone appeared from a door in front of me and I thought I heard my name, barely above the music. Yup, they were calling me for what was bite the second time in what could barely be fifteen minutes.

Someone's concerned?

I have no idea whether or not the blood pressure and these palpatations and pain are linked.

Strangely my friends has been on at me for a fair old while about seeing someone about my high blood pressure.

I told him on the phone that recently halting my blood pressure pills, Ramipril, probably didn't help. He complained that I had stopped taking them with a drawn out "But whhhhyyyy?!" before then informing him, or rather reminding him, that it was demanded of me by the Neurology Department of Chase Farm Hospital.

If you have been coming on here for more than a few months then you might recall I had been referred for an MRI on my head and an EEG at different hospitals?

That was because I had been passing out more and more frequently.

Despite three strikes of pain while having the EEG performed they said they found nothing, but did not deny the EEG picking up pain when i mentioned it.

They put out down to the blood pressure pills and requested I stop taking them.

Hmm ... that was around the time my grandfather passed away, around 10th February 2017. Come to think of it this would be around the time or a couple weeks at most before these heart symptoms started.

I had a feeling that ceasing the use of blood pressure pills and the aversion to giving me better blood pressure pills would eventually cause a problem. Not quite this fast and this dramatic, I have to admit.

Soo ... just waiting for a Doctor to call me and I've asked three people about the Doctor Bolat I saw around 6 months ago. No one had heard of him.

Oh well the point is if I drop dead on the same date this post was posted ... well you know that the NHS was the to blame.

Lol.

SEIZING THE DAY

There I was in a very secluded spot with my camera on a macro tripod taking pictures and videos of some of the British Wildlife. For my British wild life blog.

I saw a couple coming along the secluded path and was annoyed I had to get up. They were around fifty years or so from me. I stood up and turned around expecting a familiar feeling to come over me.

The postural hypotension had been dogging me for the last hour. It is annoying at the very best of times and this was real edge of the black-out territory.

My new Nikon Coolpix P900 camera was on my right side on a quick release strap. My new camera bag was on my left side and as per usual I had my walking stick in one of my hands.

I felt the feeling wash over me, it really is a good description, and I grabbed a fence post with my right hand. I felt as if I was going to get through it when suddenly I was getting up off the floor!

Worse still I could feel convulsions both in my head and in my body, like sudden extremely strong jerks as if I had been plugged into an electrical socket.

'What the fuck?! How did I get on the floor?!' I thought as I was automatically trying to sit up.

I then realised what had happened and then remembered there was a couple coming along the path just prior to this happening. Where were they? Were they still there? It did seem like seconds but the last time I had one of these that strong I was actually out for thirty minutes. Except at the time it felt like I was only gone a few seconds.

I got to my knees an looked in the direction I saw the couple with their pram. They were still there! But just standing still and looking worried. I said “It's OK” out loud so that the message would be heard and waved them towards me.

As they got close I asked them what they saw. The mother said that I had disappeared out of view like I was falling but were worried in case I was … 'hiding'. “No, no, no sorry … I just had a fit of some kind.”

She told me she had wondered if I was having a fit because she herself was epileptic.

After wee finished speaking I continued on my way but feeling a real warm and fuzzy feeling, I still feel it right now in fact. A funny feeling in my head. I do not know how to describe it.

I then panicked as I had just bought a new camera only a week or so ago. “Effing typical!” I said out loud as I spotted three largish marks on my camera. Turned out to be dirt and I just brushed it off. A few minutes later a friend rang me and I told him what had just happened. He came and picked me up.

Oddly enough I had made an appointment with my GP, or new GP and the brother of the one I had previously who left for pastures new.

So now that is two immediate problems to deal with and I need to find out how I can stop pstural hypotension from doing that?

The trouble is I have high blood pressure along with the postural hypotension. Hypotension basically means it goes lower than it should. So my blood pressure can go from very high to very low very quickly.

So what do you do?

How can you take a drug to bring your blood pressure up, if there is such a drug, when your taking other blood pressure pills to keep it down?

Unless there is a drug that is better at keeping your blood pressure in a more uniform level but as per usual it is more expensive so you get the crap, like Ramipril?

Hmm … foundd Postural Tachycardia Syndrome! Christ, I must be collecting the syndromes? Lol. I wonder which branch of my family I have to thank for this one? The human body is a miracle indeed! HOGWASH! LOL!

http://patient.info/health/postural-tachycardia-syndrome-pots-leaflet

In that webpage it mentions a few things I experience and it mentioned Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I am sure is just early stages of Fibromyalgia Syndrome from everything I have researched. So interesting that is mentioned.

Excess Heat: Yup established long before starting the blog that I do not like it hot!

Syncope or Fainting: Yup always get that.

Palpitations (feeling your heart beat): Yup, had that only yesterday and thought I was having a heart attack and stopped in the street.

Gut problems: That is what I booked appointment for as I thought I might have Diverticulitis.

Brainfog: Fibrofog lol

Tiredness: Check

Sweating: Check and long established on here

Poor sleep: Check … Fibromyalgia includes no restorative sleep

Chest Pain: Costochondrytis? Had that!

Shakiness: Yup … hands. Wondered if I had Parkinson's, it is in family, the latter.

Bladder Problems: Yup, over a decade. Went to Whipps Cross Hospital about it.

Anxiety: Yup, been hospitals and even psychiatrists over that

Dizziness: Check! On trains, both types, feeels like train is falling down a hole and I grab the bars for dear life! God knows why.

Hmm so looks like something else three dozen overpaid Doctors have missed?! Blimey this is going to end up very embarrassing for the NHS.

I had a grand mal seizure once before and a very long time ago. At a friend's place and he and his mate stated it was due to the cannabis. I never thought it was down to that and that the cannabis just magnified something already there. I was often having black-outs and this occurred over twenty years ago. Yup, OVER twenty years ago. It was reported to my GP, a Dr Tennekoon, at the time along with the other black-outs and falling over. Nothing was done and after a while it went a way for a few years until around 8 years ago.

I had gone to the communal loo in the bedsit and the next thing I know I am lying on the floor of a very narrow toilet room in an old Georgian, I think it was, house and a banging on the door. I have my trousers half way down my legs and I unbolt the door. My friend appears in the gap of the door and asks if I am OK. I ask why he has come out and knocked on the door and ask him how long have I been gone. Now I think I have been missing from the room for mere moments. Turned out I was missing for thirty minutes!

That time as I came around I remember feeling a violent shaking going on and I got back to his room and laid on the floor. The next thing I knew I could not feel anything in my body from the neck down!

I stayed on his floor all night! The next morning I was OK.

Like I said … that was about 23 years ago.

This thing that is … happening to me. I can tell you I do not like it, especially as afterwards it feels like someone has been performing horrible experiments on my head then played football with it!

I hope there is a way to prevent this?!

THE ROCK SWALLOW

Well the title sounds rather like one of my summer expeditions, albeit mostly fairly local, hunting for birds to photograph or film?

It is not.

I swapped the words around but have spent several hours dealing with a quite uncomfortable pain in the area where you get heartburn. Only despite getting that a lot due to my oesophagitis this is not heartburn. In fact the only way I could describe it is like I have swallowed a jagged rock and it is over two inches and stuck in the area you normally get heartburn.

I have had symptoms like this before but never like they are tonight. I could not help wondering if it was one of the pills I took tonight or I am doing the wrong thing taking two pills together at night, as I have read somewhere you are supposed to avoid taking then together. It is sertraline and Amitriptyline I think? Anyway the pills I took tonight are...

Sertraline 100mg
Amitriptyline 25mg
Gabapentin 400mg

Then took some Gaviscone when I started to feel the pain but it only got worse.

It has petered out a little thank god but still affecting me right now. As I returned to my bed fur the first time in a couple of hours I sat down on my bed and as I tried to lay back the broken floating rib caused me a really sharp pain and I heard myself say out loud "my God , this is no way to live!!"

I got so fed up that I forced myself to throw up several times to try and release any pressure but it's effectiveness was only marginal. Made it bearable enough to return to the bed after around the eighth vomit, lol.

Well it is the third night in a row my amount of sleep had been dreadful, though admittedly I got a lot more last night, woke up midday, than I did the night that preceded it and tonight!

It is currently 4.46am and now I am thinking I will just quickly run through my news apps to see if there is anything I can just quickly write some posts about while I wait for this... thing to die down enough for me to start to want to sleep?

Hmm maybe I have indigestion? Though I have suffered with bad heartburn for years, indigestion is not something I get. Of late my medication had been oesomeprazole and lanzoprozole. Only because omeprazole is expensive so they tell me. Hmm or was those two drugs the other way around?

Now let me flick through the reports.