CONCRETE PILLOWS AT THE VESTRY

The evening after I compiled a set of medical note bullet points in an upcoming post ..

(MEDICAL NOTES: THE RUN THROUGH) ..

.. I had a bad night. A really bad night and in a lot of stomach pain that had me on and off the bed, sitting on the floor and clutching my stomach and wanting to die. It was .. rough. This has been an on and off thing for some years now and what I thought could be diverticulitis, though I had no diarrhoea but then I have not been eating much and lost a couple of stone and still decreasing.

This continued on from around 9pm or so until 5am in the morning at which point the pain had subsided enough that I fell asleep. I then was frustrated when I woke the next morning and to my shock with a different fucking pai riving me nuts. It was 2pm and I so bloody hate that. So I went and sat in the park and had my usual green Monster drink and then decided to get my bike out and go for a cycle. I am living in fear I am going back to the days where I do not sleep at night and last night did not help. My eye had calmed down a bit but when I awoke it felt like someone had hit me with a baseball bat and oddly enough it is my right eye I have always stated on here and to General Practitioner's I have issues with. I must stress this to the next GP when I tell them about the Hypomagnesemia and Behcet's Disease.

I realised upon getting my bike out that the tyres were a little spongey and I hd to leave the bike and try and find my pump, which I could not because someone moved everything around without consideration to my heart or memory issues among many others.

By the time I had to sk and then retrieve it I was already a lttle out of breath .. a lot of crime around here and I had left a decent bike outside .. no choice. I then pumped up by tyres and .. my God .. I was knackered and my heart was pounding like there was no tomorrow. I had to spend ten minutes or more leaning on some railings and it seemed my heart was just not going to calm down. IN the end it had come down enough for me to take my chances and cycle, hoping that if I take it gently it will just settle in a few minutes. It did.

I cycled for a few miles and ended up in EC1 near where some family come from.

At one point I got off the bike and walked for a bit and I had crossed over from EC1 to N1 and when I had I saw this rather neat establishment, cannot recall if it was a bar, pub or cafe, and as I looked across the road there appeared to be seats made out of pillows?! I thought that this cannot be right and they must be made of concrete but made to look like pillows?

I walked across the road to investigate and sure enough they were concrete and I spotted the word 'pillow' on the side of one of them. This was somewhere on Vestry Road.

I had spent the day wondering about some of the major mistakes I had realised with my medical notes, some that were immediately obvious, like why did they only go back two years, and others I realised later.

I had especially been thinking of one that I had only realised this morning and had to warn my daughter about it.

In fact a great many people need to be aware of this because I have this theory that from here on on, for the last couple of years and for the foreseeable years people are going to die at the hands of the NHS and no one will be any the wiser?!

When this post comes out, called 'MEDICAL NOTES: THE RUN THROUGH' you need to pay attention as the mistakes will be obvious.

They in fact may have already affected you or someone close to you without you already knowing it and will no doubt affect others over the years to come.

These can and will be fatal.

But .. it is a clear omission that wont be listed on anyone's medical record and once realised it will be very clear to see.

So will the NHS be doing this deliberately?

Now if this is the case the people behind it are idiots as there has already been a report claiming they might be responsible for 120,000 excess deaths. Excess .. deaths. That means above the average and no doubt is conservative.

Time to call it quits on overpaid morons running these public services of this is the case .. all of them .. gone! No 'ifs' and no 'buts'. Not fit for duty, very clearly.

Or .. is it like some believe and there is some culling going on?

Preposterous? Yeah you would think so but did I not read a report somewhere recently that a Tory MP stated we should just let old people die?! No doubt he was talking about his own parents and only that of the working classes and disabled?

You see many in power see us as slaves .. once we become useless at making them even more money in taxes and become an expense they want to hear of our demise or better yet .. be the direct cause of our demise.

Well then there is yet the other biggest Elephant in the room here and that is this ..

They have had the deaths and the problems presented to them several times over the years and yet ..

They continue to ignore them.

They have in recent ties had this reported in the national tabloids, four years late and with out of date numbers of deaths, while also having the reports put to them in the House of Commons and still continued to ignore them?! Stating that privacy of said individuals is for more important that their deaths. Despite the fact they are .. well .. dead?!

So my estimation is that the number of deaths is in excess of 150,000 and possibly 200,000 despite the fact that it was reported as 120,000 for benefit cuts.

Yeah except not only was that figure reported years ago and the suicide rate has sped up .. these were for disabled people .. ALONE!

So it is both conservative to the point of beyond ridiculous and not the whole picture either.

There as figure of 120,000 reported for the NHS too as I already mentioned and this could the a case of the exact same? Conservative and out of date so .. closing in on half a million British deaths at the hands of these welfare cuts?!

Oooh .. yeah sooo …

To now being doing this with the pills fiasco and the medical records is either stupidity of the highest order .. in which case they should be imprisoned and banned from ever working in public office for the rest of their lives or ..

This is part of a long term and fully intended plan I which case they should face the same punishments as Nazis they have spent years tracking down ..

Imprisoned for the rest of the natural lives.

So why is it they spent years chasing down Nazis and this goes on right under our nose and no one even reports it?

Is the crime treated differently depending on who it is you murder even en masse?

If you start asking yourself the same thing does the phrase 'Master Race' pop into your mind?

ALMOST DEAD AGAIN

Jesus .. H .. Christ!

As if a visit to accident and emergency .. or was it an urgent care centre? Anyway .. as if that was not enough .. last night I was in agony.

Stomach pains after eating a Doner Kebab the night before. Did not come on until the afternoon but then it gradually built up and then there was all that sulphuric gas smell. It got so bad I spent an hour or more shoving my fingers down my throat as that takes the focus away from the pain and kind of has a chance of shifting .. something.

In fact I spent so long at it that I now have a sore tongue .. or at least it appears to be sore underneath and I have a sneaky suspicion that .. it will hurt to talk? Lol. Will please a few people, lol.

Ugh!

I am right in the middle of .. well a whole bloody raft of things as it turns out.

I have spent a few days here and there just going through my house like a whirlwind and just throwing a hell of a lot out, re-arranging stuff into .. umm sections and trying to do the garden bit by bit.

But everyone I have been honest with has either pulled support or now expecting my to do the proverbial cart-wheels.

It is a little hard to say what all this means .. right now at any rate. But by the end of the month it will inevitably become clear. Because I cannot change things now and I will harp on about it once it is all over.

Well I say .. all over .. but it might be anywhere between 4 and 12 weeks before it is fully over and things have settled down .. to a degree?

So yeah .. having two flare ups in the space of a week, or a little over as I am having difficulty keeping track.

Also do not forget .. as I do, that I .. forget and have a hard time keeping track!

My word I do not want to see another Doner Kebab as long as I live .. which is annoying as I had one for the first time a few weeks back and I was fine that time!

I did have some serious problems over a year ago each time I had a Doner Kebab, cows milk also and normal chip shop chips. So I stopped eating all three. Had chip shop chips recently to no ill effect and also that last doner so I thought it was something that had passed on by?

I also was given this drink with this 'clay' in which is supposed to kill any parasites so when I was OK I thought maybe I had some internal parasite that the Doctors and Hospitals had missed?

Apparently not.

What I am heading towards right now is a make me or break me kind of crossroads.

THE DOCTOR WAS IN

Well I had my visit with the GP who told me that I should have gone straight to Accident & Emergency, Urgent Care Centre not good enough, after my seizure.

I am told that if I have another one I have to go straight to Accident & Emergency. Which is a little … tricky as I believe the closest to me is Barnet Hospital, which means I would need to get to the 307 bus. I was about 2 miles from that when I had my fit and on the edge of a wood on a secluded footpath.

His face when I told him about the couple watching me go down … “Didn't they offer to help?!” he said before I told him, no and he shook his head.

Well they were Mr and Mrs Harfcell, I told him.

He is going to refer me for a scan of my head, at long bloody last. I have wanted this for a number of years as I have a few theories about my head. Irritation in and around eye socket on right side, ear canal issue I have told Doctors about for a decade.

That would be so cool to sort those two issues out but I suspect another issue will raise its head and if it turned out to be a malignant tumour I would not be totally surprised. The Big 'C'? I do not know but these things do occur. I have complained about these irritations for over a decade so if there is something then they have totally ignored both me and it and the house of cards will come falling down on them. Oops.

Well you don't think that the possibility I could die during all this did not occur to me? You do not think that I did not have a plan in place for a scenario such as that which I have described?

Double OOPS!

I mean I would be surprised but not completely surprised.

I am expecting something to be found in and around my eye socket on my right side and I am going to state hear and now that it is the top most part of my eyeball and perhaps towards the back.

Oh yeah, then there is the hole in the throat issue, where those prescription pills disappeared to and I am still weary each time I take any pills.

Lastly and as they are scanning my head I am expecting something to be found to do with my right inner ear. There is something in there and I get some irritation in there at times. Sometimes just like it is tickling or itchy. Inside the ear, not on thee outside.

I have stated before and even when reviewing headphones or music gadgets on my music or computing blog, my right ear is just a fraction duller in sensitivity to sound than my left.

This right side affected also occurs with other things around my body, including my eyes as my left eye is slightly sharper than my right.

I have also been referred for the endoscopy which will include looking at Diverticulitis. He did not rule out the aforementioned affliction and nodded when I explained about thee left sided pain and the foul aromas.

So that is two referrals coming up.

These two will be it, it will be the end of the road, though I hope not quite literally, lol. I hope I do not get given any remaining time periods. Not quite sure what that would do to one or two people I know, one in particular that might end up feeling quite guilty over it all?

Hmm now that I think about it there may be a growing list of names that feel guilty though I have my doubts as to whether or not the feeling of guilt can be felt by some people?! A shame.

Funny to that only recently I actually said to someone in the family that I have doubts of making it to fifty years of age! LMAO!

The trouble is if there is something there in the way of a tumour then it has been there so long that I fear that it may have become … unmanageable and untreatable?

In which case I am going to have to thank my previous three General Practitioners! Lol.

If I am told anything I just hope I do not lose the 'drive' to keep working on my blogs, videos and photography?

I am already preparing myself and thinking about keeping busy should anything be revealed in the not too distant future.

Whoa. Forgot to post this up and then the broadband credit hit its deadline, lol, typical.

Went out to get credit and do several other things. Took everything I had to get up and out, unusually and becoming a habit.

When I did get out I immediately noticed the cold temperatures. What?! This is supposed to be 17 degrees Celsius? No bloody way, more like 12 degrees! Oddly I had put normal length socks on a and thin jumper on for thee first time in several weeks. I had told myself I would not be wearing any jumpers or full length socks this year. Maybe not even trousers?

Went out, bought one of those Tex Mex Burgers from McDonalds, disappointing and the last one was much, much nicer. Upstairs is normally devoid of people and especially in crap weather but it was crammed with people. Never ever seen it like that and wondered if they were giving away free burgers in some kind of 'happy hour'?

Went to a friends shop for twenty minutes, instead of getting on my second bus and heading for Edmonton or Waltham Cross.

Got my broadband voucher while I did that from a shop a couple of stores down.

Wondered about my head scan as well as my endoscopy. Not expecting anything other than Diverticulitis, or something with very similar symptoms.

The head scan? Now that is a different matter as I am expecting a minimum of three things to show up, though anything up to all three of them could turn out to be linked and in all honesty the overall prognosis would not be good if they are all linked.

Purely because the space between the three points in my head would take up a considerable amount of space. Could be as little as 20% to 40% and would mean something of a worrying size.

I do not think I am going to get anything close to 60, let alone 65 and have had this gut feeling for awhile and neither my father or uncle made it to 60.

It would just be bloody typical if it turned out that something I have asked every single GP Surgery about, all 6 of them, that got ignored turned out to be the one thing that was lethal.

As usual I will edit the hospital appointment letters and post them on here as they arrive through my door, or shortly afterwards.

THE DAY OF PAIN

That ... is becoming semi-regular.

It has become clear after this now occurring three times in the last year that ... it is not going to stop.

Yesterday I had one of the worst days of my life when it comes to both pain and discomfort. When it started it blew out my plans to get out on my bike with my new camera to some of my frequented nature spots.

After an hour or two I decided that instead of the spot that is about 8 miles away I should just go somewhere that is less than a mile away.

I ended up not leaving the house at all and from 9am, roughly when it all started, it was 11pm before I was finally out the other side of it.

There were points I wanted to punch the wall in front of me in my bathroom, except it is made up of mirrored tiles! That would not have ended well.

There were moments I wanted to die.

The rest of the time left me wondering how scientists can talk about the miracle of the human body when it causes this much pain and upset.

At times like that I am torn between wanting to phone for an ambulance but also wanting to suffer in silence as I never want to be around anyone when I am like that.

The funny thing is this stomach pain, gas, diarrhoea and other things is actually why, right now, I am awaiting a letter from the hospital for a colposcopy. That was how recent the last one was!

After around 8pm I was feeling dead tired too, leaning this way and that and trying to rest my head on something and just wanted to sleep. I was clammy and feverish too and I noticed this time around that whatever was going on inside of me seemed to be on my left side.

I sit here this morning now wanting to get out and do what went south for the winter yesterday but somewhat scared. Should I risk it?

I have not had any more bouts since around 11pm last night and the last couple of hours were so bad I spent an hour or more with my fingers down my throat for 20 to 30 seconds at a time, to try and force something out of me and for the vomiting convulsions to take my mind off the pain and cramps in my stomach.

Yup, that is how bad it got!

I had already decided that my decision to purchase Pepto-Bismol after my last bout was a very major mistake. I wont make that mistake again. Thank you Fibrofog.

I also realise that my memory lapses, known as Fibrofog, even cause me to forget how bad something is! One thing that kept repeating in my mind is 'How could I have forgotten how effing painful this is and WHY did I not buy Pepto-Bismol after the last bout?!'

One time I had it I had an hour without issues and went out and bought Pepto-Bismol from my local Boots Chemist. This is because there were some pretty strong and pretty awful smells I had deduced were caused my bacteria. Pepto-Bismol was something I came across that seems to kill stomach bacteria so I went out for it out of desperation to try ans stop whatever it was.

Within seconds of drinking the bright pink fluid I felt different. It stopped!

That could have been pure coincidence, I know.

I seem to get a lot of bloating with this too and after several hours you start wondering where all the gas, vomit and excrement is coming from and its akin to thinking you have developed a wormhole in your stomach and crap just keeps coming through from some other dimension or galaxy?

So this morning I tried to do a little research and see if I could nail something down prior to going to the hospital for a colposcopy.

Gastritis, not Gastroenteritis, came up and then so did Diverticulitis with mention for the latter of having pains on the left side. Getting bloated, I often feel it, feeling full after eating, I always get that and a few other things seem to tie up with what I had been experiencing.

There was even mention of bacteria build up in these bulbous pocket type sections linked to diverticulitis.

This was a bit bizarre as I am sure a member of my family has mentioned this condition to me the last few times they visited. I had not known anything about it until my research this morning.

Oddly enough the research also found mentions of children having difficulties and the funny thing is I used to have a lot of and fairly regular stomach pains when I was a child. So much so that liver salts along with Kaolin & Morphene and other things were permanently resident in the family medicine cabinet.

That would be just about typical that I had, had something else for years that the NHS missed.

But I spent many years of my adult life without too much trouble though ... it is only recently and the last few years I have started to have these issues return and far worse than anything I had as a child.

Fibre seems to be a common thing mentioned to use and oddly enough I am remembering going through months of buying Bran Flakes for months on end and several times over the last few years. Meaning I now realise I have had this occur at least half a dozen times and I have been forgetting about them occurring.

Probably why the very last visit with my GP, before he moved over to west London, he referred me off over yet another bout of heavy bleeding too. Yeah I have that other horrible complication going on down there which is another reason why I have been averse to visiting hospitals over it.

I told the Doctor the had better 'knock me the hell out!' My landlord looked understanding when I told him what I have and turned out he had, had this himself and told me they drug you up and you do not care. Sounds good, maybe I should book regular weekly visits for this?

LMFAO!

I have had a cup of tea and worried it would have adverse effects but its been thirty minutes and all seems OK. Had a couple of Jaffa Cakes too. If I am going to end up cycling 20 odd miles by going out on my bike I simply have to eat something. You also have to drink in the warmer weather, they say a litre an hour, or end up feeling drained energy wise before too long.

Normally I get constipation this time of year too!

Nothing is ever easy, is it?

EDIT:

In respite moments I managed to get downstairs as hating the fact I was not out getting content I was uploading videos to YouTube ... pressing 'Publish' before rushing back upstairs for another hour!

...

The times each is posted show how long I was ... incapacitated ;)
Shows just some of the other things I am into ... too ... no astronomy but I did publish a video of Jupiter and its Galilean Moons recently with more to come.

THE ROCK SWALLOW

Well the title sounds rather like one of my summer expeditions, albeit mostly fairly local, hunting for birds to photograph or film?

It is not.

I swapped the words around but have spent several hours dealing with a quite uncomfortable pain in the area where you get heartburn. Only despite getting that a lot due to my oesophagitis this is not heartburn. In fact the only way I could describe it is like I have swallowed a jagged rock and it is over two inches and stuck in the area you normally get heartburn.

I have had symptoms like this before but never like they are tonight. I could not help wondering if it was one of the pills I took tonight or I am doing the wrong thing taking two pills together at night, as I have read somewhere you are supposed to avoid taking then together. It is sertraline and Amitriptyline I think? Anyway the pills I took tonight are...

Sertraline 100mg
Amitriptyline 25mg
Gabapentin 400mg

Then took some Gaviscone when I started to feel the pain but it only got worse.

It has petered out a little thank god but still affecting me right now. As I returned to my bed fur the first time in a couple of hours I sat down on my bed and as I tried to lay back the broken floating rib caused me a really sharp pain and I heard myself say out loud "my God , this is no way to live!!"

I got so fed up that I forced myself to throw up several times to try and release any pressure but it's effectiveness was only marginal. Made it bearable enough to return to the bed after around the eighth vomit, lol.

Well it is the third night in a row my amount of sleep had been dreadful, though admittedly I got a lot more last night, woke up midday, than I did the night that preceded it and tonight!

It is currently 4.46am and now I am thinking I will just quickly run through my news apps to see if there is anything I can just quickly write some posts about while I wait for this... thing to die down enough for me to start to want to sleep?

Hmm maybe I have indigestion? Though I have suffered with bad heartburn for years, indigestion is not something I get. Of late my medication had been oesomeprazole and lanzoprozole. Only because omeprazole is expensive so they tell me. Hmm or was those two drugs the other way around?

Now let me flick through the reports.