THE DOCTOR WAS IN

Well I had my visit with the GP who told me that I should have gone straight to Accident & Emergency, Urgent Care Centre not good enough, after my seizure.

I am told that if I have another one I have to go straight to Accident & Emergency. Which is a little … tricky as I believe the closest to me is Barnet Hospital, which means I would need to get to the 307 bus. I was about 2 miles from that when I had my fit and on the edge of a wood on a secluded footpath.

His face when I told him about the couple watching me go down … “Didn't they offer to help?!” he said before I told him, no and he shook his head.

Well they were Mr and Mrs Harfcell, I told him.

He is going to refer me for a scan of my head, at long bloody last. I have wanted this for a number of years as I have a few theories about my head. Irritation in and around eye socket on right side, ear canal issue I have told Doctors about for a decade.

That would be so cool to sort those two issues out but I suspect another issue will raise its head and if it turned out to be a malignant tumour I would not be totally surprised. The Big 'C'? I do not know but these things do occur. I have complained about these irritations for over a decade so if there is something then they have totally ignored both me and it and the house of cards will come falling down on them. Oops.

Well you don't think that the possibility I could die during all this did not occur to me? You do not think that I did not have a plan in place for a scenario such as that which I have described?

Double OOPS!

I mean I would be surprised but not completely surprised.

I am expecting something to be found in and around my eye socket on my right side and I am going to state hear and now that it is the top most part of my eyeball and perhaps towards the back.

Oh yeah, then there is the hole in the throat issue, where those prescription pills disappeared to and I am still weary each time I take any pills.

Lastly and as they are scanning my head I am expecting something to be found to do with my right inner ear. There is something in there and I get some irritation in there at times. Sometimes just like it is tickling or itchy. Inside the ear, not on thee outside.

I have stated before and even when reviewing headphones or music gadgets on my music or computing blog, my right ear is just a fraction duller in sensitivity to sound than my left.

This right side affected also occurs with other things around my body, including my eyes as my left eye is slightly sharper than my right.

I have also been referred for the endoscopy which will include looking at Diverticulitis. He did not rule out the aforementioned affliction and nodded when I explained about thee left sided pain and the foul aromas.

So that is two referrals coming up.

These two will be it, it will be the end of the road, though I hope not quite literally, lol. I hope I do not get given any remaining time periods. Not quite sure what that would do to one or two people I know, one in particular that might end up feeling quite guilty over it all?

Hmm now that I think about it there may be a growing list of names that feel guilty though I have my doubts as to whether or not the feeling of guilt can be felt by some people?! A shame.

Funny to that only recently I actually said to someone in the family that I have doubts of making it to fifty years of age! LMAO!

The trouble is if there is something there in the way of a tumour then it has been there so long that I fear that it may have become … unmanageable and untreatable?

In which case I am going to have to thank my previous three General Practitioners! Lol.

If I am told anything I just hope I do not lose the 'drive' to keep working on my blogs, videos and photography?

I am already preparing myself and thinking about keeping busy should anything be revealed in the not too distant future.

Whoa. Forgot to post this up and then the broadband credit hit its deadline, lol, typical.

Went out to get credit and do several other things. Took everything I had to get up and out, unusually and becoming a habit.

When I did get out I immediately noticed the cold temperatures. What?! This is supposed to be 17 degrees Celsius? No bloody way, more like 12 degrees! Oddly I had put normal length socks on a and thin jumper on for thee first time in several weeks. I had told myself I would not be wearing any jumpers or full length socks this year. Maybe not even trousers?

Went out, bought one of those Tex Mex Burgers from McDonalds, disappointing and the last one was much, much nicer. Upstairs is normally devoid of people and especially in crap weather but it was crammed with people. Never ever seen it like that and wondered if they were giving away free burgers in some kind of 'happy hour'?

Went to a friends shop for twenty minutes, instead of getting on my second bus and heading for Edmonton or Waltham Cross.

Got my broadband voucher while I did that from a shop a couple of stores down.

Wondered about my head scan as well as my endoscopy. Not expecting anything other than Diverticulitis, or something with very similar symptoms.

The head scan? Now that is a different matter as I am expecting a minimum of three things to show up, though anything up to all three of them could turn out to be linked and in all honesty the overall prognosis would not be good if they are all linked.

Purely because the space between the three points in my head would take up a considerable amount of space. Could be as little as 20% to 40% and would mean something of a worrying size.

I do not think I am going to get anything close to 60, let alone 65 and have had this gut feeling for awhile and neither my father or uncle made it to 60.

It would just be bloody typical if it turned out that something I have asked every single GP Surgery about, all 6 of them, that got ignored turned out to be the one thing that was lethal.

As usual I will edit the hospital appointment letters and post them on here as they arrive through my door, or shortly afterwards.

THE RIDE BACK INTO HELL

HiIt is 3.09am add I start this post and I'm back into another night of hell.

This very annoying a well as painful on and off as I finally thought I was in the body clear!

It's not quite as painful at that dreadful night but it's not far off at times and I am already panicking it will go that way.

How can a condition continue for best part of ten weeks? It's bloody stupid a had a little sign earlier it might return and should have taken several Tramadol.

All the other symptoms are present too, abdominal pain, wind, diarrhea and vomiting...

Damn it!! Have to keep pausing due to sudden increases in pain and vomiting. This is no way to live! Well it wasn't previously but this just makes it ludicrous, lol. I have always had this urge to apply a lot of pressure to my stomach with pretty rough stomach aches. However my chest still hurts from breaking, not a bone, whatever I did a few weeks back which I thought was a rib.

Damn it!

I have had to stop a couple of times to throw up and deal with abdominal pains. I then could feel myself getting weaker by the minute as well as sleepy too. The pain was subsiding at the same time and child not have been a coincidence? Eventually it subsided enough that I left my tablet pc alone and laid on the floor with only a towel to rest my head on and my robe around me. I feel asleep but only for a short while as discomfort somewhere I can't recall had me gradually get to my feet and make my way to the bed.

I fell asleep. How it for I do not know but must have been an hour at least.

It is now 6.25am. Annoyingly I was awoken by abdominal pains! At first I thought it would simply pass and tried you remain in bed and yet that is not my present location. Feck me, what must I bloody do to end this?

My relaxed listen to the new Pink Floyd album I purchased while it seem like a distant memory now. One wonders if this disruption of relaxed periods of the seldom moments of enjoyment will become forever disrupted with periods of pain?

I truly wish I knew what the answer is to my current problem! This has already become tiring and to much now. I am not going to be able to take another night like this one and it's not even over yet. I sit crumpled up waiting for something, anything to move to rid myself of this current predicament. 

I also have to admit to the condition of Crohn's Disease flashing through my mind this time around. I helped someone who had this condition and there is a link to something I now believe is responsible that I know used to set him off...

Jesus! More pain and vomiting before getting annoyed and using the two fingered salute to the back of my throat, hoping the sickness would go and/or the trapped wind would move. I'm not bringing up much and this ceased earlier in the night. Yet as always there is the feeling of going to be sick ever present. Strange.

I am leaning all over the place. Extremely weak and feel like I want to collapse constantly. Ewww.

Sleep! Floor....again.

Odd. How lying down on the toilet floor can seem so inviting and comforting? Then trying to get up I seem to be shaking, literally. Must be the lack of sleep and energy? Really felt it this time. Thinking of whether I stay in, tired and in case of embarrassing accident, or go out, need loads shopping for home, shoes.... still and likely a film to make up for slightly disappointing Days Of Future Past. Well it's not like The actually is anything left inside me at all?!

Hmm the is a new album from both Moby and Mike Oldfield I have not heard?!

The time is now nigh impossible 8.08am.

Goodnight.

ANOTHER NIGHT IN A DIFFERENT HELL

Damn it!

I already typed this out but in true Google like fashion the app had lost the text! Grrr!

Right so now it is 9.23am and not 8.45am and I was awoken by discomfort around 4am. Oddly this is a time that I became all too familiar with some years back.

When I typed this out, the previous bloody time, I thought I was over with the difficulties bit it seems that despite the nightmare I have been through its not done with me yet! Crap! At 8.45am was the first time I could focus enough to type out a post. Well for awhile anyway. I stopped to check on the name of a bacteria that could be the cause of my current issues. I was not familiar with the name but it was mentioned along with another I am familiar with. Well only in that I have been tested for it several times by different doctors in recent times. It anyways comes back negative. Hmm come to think of it I cannot remember why I was tested for Helicobactor pylori in the past anyway? Taking things like Lansoprazole,  Omeprazole and Oesomeprazole for too long was one reason. Its on here somewhere.

My issue this time is sort of the save thing that's now been bugging me for around 7 weeks give or take a week. Only tonight something I forgot to mention to my new GP reoccurred and a lot more intense than it was previously and to the point of vomit inducing. Which I also ended up doing. Twice. The former I refer to are 'sulphur burps' or sulfur if your American.

Oh crap, have to come back to this but will mention that this is one of several moments in recent years when I have been curled up on my bathroom floor, this time with a intense throbbing pain in my back, wanting to quite literally die. Gets better as too because as I was looking fit this other bacteria,  Gallia or similar, one page stated to another with the dance symptoms that they should get it checked out of your family had a history of stomach cancer?! My great grandfather died of that and my grandmother what's right she would go the same way and why she avoided Doctors and hospitals like they were the plague!

For the love of...

It is now 11.03am abs no sleep since I last typed in this post.

I thought I had been through the worst moments of the night? I was horribly wrong!

I thought I had been surprised in the past with how can come out of the human body? I was wrong then too.

Added to some seriously projectile vomiting and diarrhea my stomach pains were joined by a terrible but odd, as an accompanying symptom, back pain. Starting off as a low throbbing that would build rapidly in a few seconds to have me grabbing my back whole throwing my head back. With moments of 'crouch, kneel, sit, repeat' going on during all this as well as the disgusting taste and smell from what seemed like everywhere! Truly I have never experienced anything quite like this!

I am done. This had gone on for 7 weeks with the worst night being last night. The throbbing of my back increasing to the point it felt like something would burst had me think of my father who complained of the same thing a few times. The last time he did it turned out to be a busy aneurysm and he died as a result. Within a year of being set up by a household name. A household name that a member of the public mentioned to me and a couple of friends he and his wife believed were both corrupt and finished. In fact this day one of two things mentioned to me in recent days that people stated would not exist five years from now?! No, he has not read my blog! If he had he might fancy cutting that time in half? Lol. Yes they are on here with the rest of the usual suspects.

I digress. I'm done. Like I said. This cannot go on and nor can I have another night remotely like last night! My GP forgot my Tramadol so I will drop in a note. Only he only does Thursdays. It also turns out that I may have unknowingly poisoned myself. This is the only other option outside of stomach cancer and going with that. This would mean then that for a number of reasons is down to the Fibromyalgia.

Go figure!

Damn and now I am getting an increase in stomach pain again!

This reminds me of mentioning those horrid moments when you would give anything for someone to just flick a switch and turn it all off. Those are the real low points no one should deal with too often and yet I have felt this way around a dozen times in recent years. I think I can honestly say that almost all down to Fibromyalgia too?

Still hopefully it will pass soon, no pun intended lol, and I will fall asleep hopefully? Also today is a payday for me and I normally return Wednesday nights, every other Wednesday that is, with a film.

I doubt I will be leaving the house at all today which is the first time I have done that on a payday in awhile.