TO STIFF AND LET DIE

Zombies.

Sometimes they can be the bane of my life, they truly can. One minute they are busily gnawing away on their latest snack. The next minute they are performing super.... dead human feats and their arms reach length somehow acquires a couple of feet?!

Best of all they are excellent in and around water where mite then five feet deep and your deaf if you fall in our attempt to swim!

Still I wanted to give them another chance.

Right now I am trying not to move a muscle. It is all I have allowed myself to fill is reach over and turn on my Advent Tablet PC from PC World that now runs out of juice while plugged in and had to be returned fur the second time now. The other two of the three I picked up from the store have each been back twice already. Hmm think at least one of them been back three times?

So that's what you get from only one of two big name chain electrical goods retailers that have been flogging is second hand and refurbished/faulty goods as new since the late 90's than even The Guardian Newspaper reported on but none of the governing bodies, ombudsman nor government did anything about nor did they earn the public... well they did not inform me. A tablet PC that totally ignores the first key on the keyboard you touch because your such an idiot you cannot even get the first letter in the word your after correct.

Yup on my tablet but no zombies. Yet I did state that I have not allowed myself to move? Ahh well...

I was downstairs on my desktop computer and for the first time in months I decided to play the extremely awful game Dead Island Riptide. This time I started from the beginning because all my previous attempts were useless on my saved game progress. The adversary that constantly defeated me previously was... water. No not zombies and as tough as they are in this game as well as miraculously come back to... umm death after you have removed their noggins. Nor is it wild animals and not the guns possessed by other players in this cooperative game. Not its water because your location is of course by a beach on an island that has rivers and you cannot swim.

Yoiy! Sorry close calm there... but not bloody zombies!

I was supposed to find a boat then an engine for the biggest because of course for some bloody reason all boats are separated from their outboard engines. Or as I like you call it 'Naive Dummies Have A Wild Stab At Game Design'. Well after seeing the rubbish Google turned Android into, well why not?

Crashed the last boat on some rocks in deep water ski you could not reach it. Funny now reviewers managed to discover this major flaw. So I started anew.

Suddenly in the game I find myself accompanied by another player! This was one thing I had longed to do but never got around to, however I had reservations about this. Reservations I can now explain.
After relieving the island of a couple of zombies I was keen to get back to that damn boat. Also I had to get a guy some petrol before he would sell me a handgun he has feck all bullets for. So I jumped in the pick up truck to drive to my intended destination. You really do not wanna walk, the zombies are incredibly fast, impervious to a dozen whacks from a machete or baseball bat and did I mention return to... death? Oh yeah and then there are the exploding ones! I waited in the drivers seat for the other player to get in with me. After doing some concentric circles the dummy decided to get in the car. Yes dummy. The world is full of liars, cheats and fraudsters taught you be this way by governments. Well they are in the UK and many think they are the brains of Britain when they are so not. Some a lot closer to home than you might think too. Harsh to call him dummy? Well I drove around two bends, killed 3 zombies with my car and then hit the brakes. I got out you relieve the bodies of money and useful items such as batteries when I suddenly heard a car engine. I turned to see my car heading off down the road leaving me deserted with dozens of zombies and no gun!! Yes fecking dummy and a perfect example of why I hold reservations towards cooperative game, a word that this particular fecking dummy obviously had no idea of what 'cooperative' means our did not bother reading the box!

Anyway after the idiot seem to abandon the vehicle and then vanish I ventured off to do as I had intended and found another vehicle after getting killed a dozen times, of which costs you in game cash. Suddenly I found myself being accompanied by what appeared to be a female gamer. Now she was fast note like it and had a cute brain. She was organised and did not stay far away and we backed each other up. I even laughed when we were separated and I did not remember where the damn boat engine can be found and saw this girl coming round a corner struggling with the biggest engine in her arms with her legs bowed as she walked.

Now that was the experience I had hoped for and the only thing now I needed to get the game to do, as you would think it obvious, is be able to speak to each other via headsets and their microphones? Well I had one but the bloody sound was still coming through the speakers on either side of my living room!

Annoyingly as I was separately running around to clear this part I had previously been stuck on I started to feel nauseous. It had turned out that 8am this morning I awoke after only getting to sleep after 4am and then had mute abdominal pain with some of the other unpleasant symptoms I had previously. After a few hours these had died down around thirty minutes after 150mg of Tramadol. I had been OK for the rest of the day but for the umpteenth time in what must be nine weeks I decided against leaving the house.

So here I was with this nausea and I kept grabbing the back of my neck and stretching it to one side. In fact this grabbing of my neck had become habit of late without me noticing until I had woken in bed now the morning realising that in my deep slumber I had held my hand against the vertebrae in the back of my neck and really leaned my head to one side so that my hand put a lot of pressure on the vertebrae. I had discovered this brought about a weird feeling I can only describe as mild euphoria? In fact once I raised what was going on I started doing it in my waking hours at times and thought of twitchers used on horses lips to make them feel dozey, despite the act long like a medievil form of torture.

I had done this several times and was in the boat swinging my hammer at the part zombies, part barnacle and part fish when suddenly I felt really sick and had to pause the game and run upstairs, leaving this poor girl to fend for herself! Sorry! Could not help it. Honest!

So back to the start and I was not allowing myself to move a muscle because I feared if I did I would go into about of vomiting that the '111' health help number heard me do and sent out an emergency response respectable bespectacled... oh the chaps in the cars, whatever they were called.

My word, how everything and everyone seems to be screwed up despite skill these people and organisations being paid for things to bit get screwed up?! Lol.

I sometimes think that if will take things being screwed you so badly that everyone can see before enough people realise they have been class dopes and contributed to everything being fecked up?

Would the sacrifices then come to reverse the feck up they caused? Or would they merely just leap into the drivers seat the moment you have it and desert you in the middle of a battle while they hurtle off in your car?

I myself play my games by the same choices I would make in life.

Had I caught up the the car thief I would have given him a damn good kicking with some choice words to boot.

*Sigh* I truly despair at times whether accompanied with fear or just eyebrow raising bemusement.

As for this bloody latest health condition? I keep thinking that I need to note sick to a diet...

However....

I am already supposed to stick to four out five of them.

With both Crohn's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis being on the list of possibilities I can tell you from experience that all the things that know-it-alls line you tell you you eat, by quoting what they think is the obvious, many of these are on the definitely no-no-no list  which can and does include surprising things like FIBRE, ONIONS, SKINS OF VEGETABLES, LACTOSE, DAIRY, HIGH PROTEIN MEAT, YOUNG CHEESES, BEANS, SEEDS, STRAWBERRIES, TOMATOES AND MANY OTHERS!!

To put it simply if your bit both a dietician and a specialist consultant or Doctor don't give out advice. Oddly enough it's these types of people who'll get annoyed with me and yet I would never hand out the advice to someone they are willing to do!

In fact this is what they get annoyed about I think is sometimes for being dicks but then want to blame me for looking like dicks and take it out on me, lol.

Yes that attitude bow adopted so readily by alcoholics and drug addicts in that they are victims so they are not bound by the same punishments, read ANY, and so go out and steal to fuel their addictions or even massage their own egos when really they are just stupid and pathetic, pretty thieves.

Ahem. Lol.

TEN MORE GOD DAMN MINUTES

Y I thought about the title, 'what a difference ten minutes make' but thought it too corny.

I cannot quite believe how relaxed I am considering. But then it's pain free right now and that is something I thought I would never be happier about.

I said before I thought I was over the what and was wrong? I was wrong again. Good god I have been getting things wrong a lot of late! Queue a stomach feeling like it's trying to rip out of my abdomen and a spleen feeling like it's taking part in a Predator movie! Burning in the posterior and vomiting when everything was long gone and staying to get a great deal hotter and sweaty.

I cos not take it anymore and feck the ultimate embarrassment to my ultimate nightmare this had to stop. I could not take the chance that Tramadol could make it worse so I reached for my phone and dialled '111' which is the new NHS direct number.... sort of. But I could not hold a conversation in the state I was in and had to hold out for a... lull,  so to speak. It came, I rang, the lull soon left! Next I was unable to speak and holding my guys in pain while vomiting yet again. I simply wanted to know if I could take the Tramadol once I had handed over all the symptoms, are rather answered all the questions.

Returning to the phone I was told an ambulance was on its way. Well I had not hung up and neither did she and the poor girl obviously heard it all for several minutes though it felt more like thirty to me. Good knows what it was like for her.

So I did it. I finally have in during one of those nights that I anyways thought I would die before agreeing to an ambulance coming for me? When I was told I was past caring. That... was... unthinkable!

Eventually I realised I had given them completely the wrong number so had to dial '999' to get the correct number to them. There was a little confusion but eventually he came. Alone so the government can meet its targets?! Yeah I told him what I thought of the government and is targets and that there is never any comeback for those that cause these things.

Oh the pain? Well damn typical on the one hand while a relief on the other but it had died down to manageable levels just before he arrived. Go figure! In fact the phone call to correct the phone number I say told the ambulance was outside. I was hot, sweating like mad, becoming nauseous and hanging into the wall but appreciating the cool air in nowt but a robe. It was several more minutes beige he come and things were settling back down. My blood pressure was high, unusually, and he noticed I was hot and clammy but I said this were dying down now. Temperature seemed to be fine and I was told, to my complete relief, that the Tramadol would be fine. He tried to put me off going to hospital and I said I was fine with that, I only wanted to stop the pain and know it is OK to take the Tramadol.

Please God, that is how desperate I am, let that be the end of it?!

At least I have some respite right now and I'm shit scared, another pun, of eating anything. Drinking too and was not happy taking water to treasure the pills even.

I will have to get to the bottom of this to make sure it never happens again, if it's at all possible.

Did I record it? Yeah, not only did I not want to record it but it was the last thing on my mind while vomiting fresh air repeatedly and having the feel of emery paper and ignited petrol while trying not to break my rib/tear ligaments from my rib again! Still hurts from the list time I did it secession days ago and I dare say it will be a fair old while before that stops being tender?!

He asked how much I right it hurt so I pointed out my severely under used the section Wing Chun wall back filled with gravel of different sizes. I tell him I can punch it high speed and hard and shock a lot of people. He gets to here about the Fibromyalgia, hernias, being run over and various other things. He gets the general idea.

Huh, life eh?

How does it vary so much from person to person? I always think it is down to simple mathematics and the laws of averages. Two people may own want the and car but one never has so much of a scratch while the other has half a dozen. There are always two extremes and everything in between. It's the laws of mathematics you can not escape. So why have I spent all these years battling so hard to change them?

I just wanted to see if I could. I don't like the thought that this are predestined. Despite having a theory supporting it I am determined to destroy that theory I have been holding onto all these years.

It is not a case of proving that nothing is set in stone, that would be impossible. Some things will never change that is just how it is. But to be truly ground breaking... well you have to do some breaking of your own.

Now if you will excuse me I have not slept more than about two hours in... umm... 36? Give our take?

Hopefully this will be a good night? Oh crap, just remembered I have to sort out the cursed DWP! BUMMER!

ANOTHER NIGHT IN A DIFFERENT HELL

Damn it!

I already typed this out but in true Google like fashion the app had lost the text! Grrr!

Right so now it is 9.23am and not 8.45am and I was awoken by discomfort around 4am. Oddly this is a time that I became all too familiar with some years back.

When I typed this out, the previous bloody time, I thought I was over with the difficulties bit it seems that despite the nightmare I have been through its not done with me yet! Crap! At 8.45am was the first time I could focus enough to type out a post. Well for awhile anyway. I stopped to check on the name of a bacteria that could be the cause of my current issues. I was not familiar with the name but it was mentioned along with another I am familiar with. Well only in that I have been tested for it several times by different doctors in recent times. It anyways comes back negative. Hmm come to think of it I cannot remember why I was tested for Helicobactor pylori in the past anyway? Taking things like Lansoprazole,  Omeprazole and Oesomeprazole for too long was one reason. Its on here somewhere.

My issue this time is sort of the save thing that's now been bugging me for around 7 weeks give or take a week. Only tonight something I forgot to mention to my new GP reoccurred and a lot more intense than it was previously and to the point of vomit inducing. Which I also ended up doing. Twice. The former I refer to are 'sulphur burps' or sulfur if your American.

Oh crap, have to come back to this but will mention that this is one of several moments in recent years when I have been curled up on my bathroom floor, this time with a intense throbbing pain in my back, wanting to quite literally die. Gets better as too because as I was looking fit this other bacteria,  Gallia or similar, one page stated to another with the dance symptoms that they should get it checked out of your family had a history of stomach cancer?! My great grandfather died of that and my grandmother what's right she would go the same way and why she avoided Doctors and hospitals like they were the plague!

For the love of...

It is now 11.03am abs no sleep since I last typed in this post.

I thought I had been through the worst moments of the night? I was horribly wrong!

I thought I had been surprised in the past with how can come out of the human body? I was wrong then too.

Added to some seriously projectile vomiting and diarrhea my stomach pains were joined by a terrible but odd, as an accompanying symptom, back pain. Starting off as a low throbbing that would build rapidly in a few seconds to have me grabbing my back whole throwing my head back. With moments of 'crouch, kneel, sit, repeat' going on during all this as well as the disgusting taste and smell from what seemed like everywhere! Truly I have never experienced anything quite like this!

I am done. This had gone on for 7 weeks with the worst night being last night. The throbbing of my back increasing to the point it felt like something would burst had me think of my father who complained of the same thing a few times. The last time he did it turned out to be a busy aneurysm and he died as a result. Within a year of being set up by a household name. A household name that a member of the public mentioned to me and a couple of friends he and his wife believed were both corrupt and finished. In fact this day one of two things mentioned to me in recent days that people stated would not exist five years from now?! No, he has not read my blog! If he had he might fancy cutting that time in half? Lol. Yes they are on here with the rest of the usual suspects.

I digress. I'm done. Like I said. This cannot go on and nor can I have another night remotely like last night! My GP forgot my Tramadol so I will drop in a note. Only he only does Thursdays. It also turns out that I may have unknowingly poisoned myself. This is the only other option outside of stomach cancer and going with that. This would mean then that for a number of reasons is down to the Fibromyalgia.

Go figure!

Damn and now I am getting an increase in stomach pain again!

This reminds me of mentioning those horrid moments when you would give anything for someone to just flick a switch and turn it all off. Those are the real low points no one should deal with too often and yet I have felt this way around a dozen times in recent years. I think I can honestly say that almost all down to Fibromyalgia too?

Still hopefully it will pass soon, no pun intended lol, and I will fall asleep hopefully? Also today is a payday for me and I normally return Wednesday nights, every other Wednesday that is, with a film.

I doubt I will be leaving the house at all today which is the first time I have done that on a payday in awhile.