NEVER THE PAINS SHALL MEET

I have, if you have not read this bit by now, an ongoing personal battle.

In fact it is true to say that I have several ongoing personal battles.

I have a couple of health conditions, possibly several, that render me into world of disabled people and more details about this will be forthcoming throughout this year, 2016.

First and foremost is Fibromyalgia and of the 200 odd possible symptoms I have around 120 odd that could be attributed to this condition. It is not a nice condition. Not in my case. The combinations of symptoms from those 200 are, as you could imagine, endless.

Do not think 'pain' when you read symptom. A symptom is what it states.

However as well as the obvious pain symptoms others can fall into other categories just as bad if not worse than the ones within the pain category.

One category that should be obvious is feeling ill.

One other is embarrassing.

Another one is bloody annoying and very distracting and then there are the mild ones.

I experience half a dozen pains across both my feet and the same pain in each ankle, calf muscle, both knees, hip, lumbar, thoracic and neck region along with shoulder. That is sixteen pains straight off the bat. I am working with them, around them and battling to find solutions all the time. I do not get a great deal of help.

Moving into the illness category, that I am to focus on for this post, I have three symptoms that include nausea. One of these I realised recently was occurring in the late afternoons and was linked to not eating enough throughout the day. In other words worse when I had not eaten anything at all.

There are two others and I have covered both of these many times but I do not think I have covered them together.

One is literally feeling sick to the point of throwing up but without any dizzy sensations at all. Quite weird. This was initially linked by the NHS to Oesophagitis, Grade C. Though many years later one honest GP pointed out that the Lansoprazole medication I took for it was only supposed to be taken until the Oesophagus healed up and not anywhere near the 12 years I had been taking it. I pointed out that stopping the pills would result in me having the bad heartburn I also get with it.

Another symptom I get, which I do not think I initially linked to my Fibromyalgia, is that of motion sickness. I have had this fro a child but only ever occurred when I wa the passenger and if I never ept my eyes on the road.

A few years back that started to change.

I started to get occasions when the motion sickness would just appear even while watching the road while showing an extreme polar opposite to a few times when I simply would not get affected at all. I could even take my eyes off the road on some occasions and still not become affected.

Around a year or so back I would even get this bad motion sickness without even travelling in any kind of moving vehicle whatsoever! Now that was worrying.

There often odd symptoms I have that I have often worried might start occurring at the same time that was extremely worrying and had felt lucky that they had not.

Two days ago this changed.

I had started taking Metaclopramide many months ago and two days back a friend was driving down to Gravesend in Kent to drop off his son at his girlfriends house. I decided to go with him. I was OK for most of the journey going there and had taken a pill. Before I left I had the feeling of throwing up, always accompanied with coughing, that I mentioned that seems to be brought on by any trapped air within my stomach. So I rarely get trapped wind pain as the vomiting comes on long before this happens these days. On the way back from Kent I started to get the motion sickness and by the time we got to Waltham Abbey it was bad. I was also getting the vomiting feeling too and  this was the very first time that these two things had both occurred together. Really the only time the motion sickness will then pass completely would be several hours after stopping being in a moving vehicle and often only after a night's sleep. Though not every single time but mostly.

Worrying.

Getting to me also is the fact that my back pain has gone from something that occurs a few times a month to a few times a week and for a large number of month now an every single day thing!

I race and battle to find solutions to these things while battling to remember to bring them up with those I should do because of one other symptom that causes temporary short term memory loss. Do not even get me started.

So two days ago the two most obvious symptoms to do with feeling ill both occurred simultaneously for the very first time.

I can honestly state that I have lost count of the number of times when I have asked myself how our own bodies can be so effing cruel to us and why on Earth we would evolve bodies that can cause such an array of symptoms with each one driving you beyond the point of distraction to the edge on insanity on occasion? How on Earth so many things can occur within one individual is beyond me and how it has gone unnoticed, disregarded and ignored by the mass populaces for so long is even more staggering. Head shakingly staggering considering the number of so called scientists that have existed for the last few hundred years plus.

Te funny thing is about this occurring now is that I had thought that a couple of months before Christmas, 2015, I would be in a position to actively pursue solutions in a completely new and NHS-less way. I have not and I do not know why just yet and now one of my fears has actually come to light.

The NHS have previously first ignored, fobbed off, wrongly diagnosed, diagnosed but not divulged and lied about my symptoms. Oddly I was asked recently if the lies were simply them getting it wrong? Well apart from the fact that would mean almost every health professional I had ever met on the NHS being an incompetent twat, around three dozen or more, no. Not when one admitted falsifying an ultrasound (on tape and on here) and another admitting that they do under orders from high up in the NHS, definitely no! I would not need the times when things were admitted to me to now that they had been lying. I simply cannot state how long for beyond around 18 months.

As for the things promised to me that then never materialise the list is endless and goes back twenty years. Oddly each and every Doctor has not considered either the consequences nor even the possibility that I might spot this and might do something about it!

Even more bizarre is the fact that they never stopped to consider of the NHS would hold their hands up if a patient either realised the truth or caught them red handed, blatantly in the act?

These are supposed to be educated and intelligent people? Each one I have met also act as if a medical Doctorate or degree trumps all other scientific degrees and Doctorates on the planet! They do this even when I point out that I was offered a Doctorate, I stupidly turned down, that involved Computer Science creating a simulation to train surgeons on how to perform keyhole surgery, so was in the world of medicine and surgery. In other words you have to be fully educated in BOTH fields, or at least will be by the end of the project.

I tell them this and it gets forgotten.

Maybe I should take my Degree in with me when I first go on a GP Surgery's register because maybe they think I am lying? Lol!

I was offered the Doctorate by Peter Pasmore, my graphics lecturer, at Middlesex University back in 2000 because my thesis was a computer system that stored data on the animal kingdom, of which I am also an expert and have several blogs about. Oops. I did state from the outset that everything I did was connected and part of a bigger plan?! Lol. Which incidentally got interest from several zoos and museums both here in the UK and overseas including the USA.

http://repsamphibsfish.blogspot.co.uk/ MINE!

http://understandingtropicalorchids.blogspot.co.uk/ MINE!

http://britishwildliferare.blogspot.co.uk/ MINE!

http://myastronomyastrophysics.blogspot.co.uk/ MINE

All backed up with my YouTube channel and I also have several other blogs covering other topics to boot! Oh dear!

I already have other combinations that have gone on for years but have been worried for bloody years that these combinations might, over time, get other things occurring with them.

It is hard to imagine how unbearable things would be become with the increasing frequencies of symptoms overlapping in these ways.

So you can see that things are something of a battle. No. a series of battles and I try to work hard towards something while trying, all at the same time, to uncover the truth about corruption and help other people who are victims?

Things do not always go according to plan and when they do not II have to ... improvise ... a lot!

Through all the negative sources and naysayers into the ring and you might just start to get the idea that things are not an easy or a free ride?

I often have to change direction and plan things differently. I suddenly found myself with a gaping hole of several months right through winter, not good, that I had to fill. I am also in need of a new high powered zoom camera preferably before the Spring arrives so I can photograph and film animals.

The fact that my getting around is extremely limited due to the pains, motion sickness and embarrassing symptoms along with a lack of a car is a major pain in the butt!

Once again this should have all changed a couple of months before Christmas and it did not and there were several posts pointing this this up and coming big change. A change that I decided would take place in mid February at the very latest, though I still do not know the reasons why there is a date, or two in fact, in mid February that are both constants and would strongly hint to things changing at that time.

Both are birthdays!

For the time being and looking more and more likely to be the case for the rest of 2016 I have to keep trundling on. At least for another 18 months and then...who knows?

TO STIFF AND LET DIE

Zombies.

Sometimes they can be the bane of my life, they truly can. One minute they are busily gnawing away on their latest snack. The next minute they are performing super.... dead human feats and their arms reach length somehow acquires a couple of feet?!

Best of all they are excellent in and around water where mite then five feet deep and your deaf if you fall in our attempt to swim!

Still I wanted to give them another chance.

Right now I am trying not to move a muscle. It is all I have allowed myself to fill is reach over and turn on my Advent Tablet PC from PC World that now runs out of juice while plugged in and had to be returned fur the second time now. The other two of the three I picked up from the store have each been back twice already. Hmm think at least one of them been back three times?

So that's what you get from only one of two big name chain electrical goods retailers that have been flogging is second hand and refurbished/faulty goods as new since the late 90's than even The Guardian Newspaper reported on but none of the governing bodies, ombudsman nor government did anything about nor did they earn the public... well they did not inform me. A tablet PC that totally ignores the first key on the keyboard you touch because your such an idiot you cannot even get the first letter in the word your after correct.

Yup on my tablet but no zombies. Yet I did state that I have not allowed myself to move? Ahh well...

I was downstairs on my desktop computer and for the first time in months I decided to play the extremely awful game Dead Island Riptide. This time I started from the beginning because all my previous attempts were useless on my saved game progress. The adversary that constantly defeated me previously was... water. No not zombies and as tough as they are in this game as well as miraculously come back to... umm death after you have removed their noggins. Nor is it wild animals and not the guns possessed by other players in this cooperative game. Not its water because your location is of course by a beach on an island that has rivers and you cannot swim.

Yoiy! Sorry close calm there... but not bloody zombies!

I was supposed to find a boat then an engine for the biggest because of course for some bloody reason all boats are separated from their outboard engines. Or as I like you call it 'Naive Dummies Have A Wild Stab At Game Design'. Well after seeing the rubbish Google turned Android into, well why not?

Crashed the last boat on some rocks in deep water ski you could not reach it. Funny now reviewers managed to discover this major flaw. So I started anew.

Suddenly in the game I find myself accompanied by another player! This was one thing I had longed to do but never got around to, however I had reservations about this. Reservations I can now explain.
After relieving the island of a couple of zombies I was keen to get back to that damn boat. Also I had to get a guy some petrol before he would sell me a handgun he has feck all bullets for. So I jumped in the pick up truck to drive to my intended destination. You really do not wanna walk, the zombies are incredibly fast, impervious to a dozen whacks from a machete or baseball bat and did I mention return to... death? Oh yeah and then there are the exploding ones! I waited in the drivers seat for the other player to get in with me. After doing some concentric circles the dummy decided to get in the car. Yes dummy. The world is full of liars, cheats and fraudsters taught you be this way by governments. Well they are in the UK and many think they are the brains of Britain when they are so not. Some a lot closer to home than you might think too. Harsh to call him dummy? Well I drove around two bends, killed 3 zombies with my car and then hit the brakes. I got out you relieve the bodies of money and useful items such as batteries when I suddenly heard a car engine. I turned to see my car heading off down the road leaving me deserted with dozens of zombies and no gun!! Yes fecking dummy and a perfect example of why I hold reservations towards cooperative game, a word that this particular fecking dummy obviously had no idea of what 'cooperative' means our did not bother reading the box!

Anyway after the idiot seem to abandon the vehicle and then vanish I ventured off to do as I had intended and found another vehicle after getting killed a dozen times, of which costs you in game cash. Suddenly I found myself being accompanied by what appeared to be a female gamer. Now she was fast note like it and had a cute brain. She was organised and did not stay far away and we backed each other up. I even laughed when we were separated and I did not remember where the damn boat engine can be found and saw this girl coming round a corner struggling with the biggest engine in her arms with her legs bowed as she walked.

Now that was the experience I had hoped for and the only thing now I needed to get the game to do, as you would think it obvious, is be able to speak to each other via headsets and their microphones? Well I had one but the bloody sound was still coming through the speakers on either side of my living room!

Annoyingly as I was separately running around to clear this part I had previously been stuck on I started to feel nauseous. It had turned out that 8am this morning I awoke after only getting to sleep after 4am and then had mute abdominal pain with some of the other unpleasant symptoms I had previously. After a few hours these had died down around thirty minutes after 150mg of Tramadol. I had been OK for the rest of the day but for the umpteenth time in what must be nine weeks I decided against leaving the house.

So here I was with this nausea and I kept grabbing the back of my neck and stretching it to one side. In fact this grabbing of my neck had become habit of late without me noticing until I had woken in bed now the morning realising that in my deep slumber I had held my hand against the vertebrae in the back of my neck and really leaned my head to one side so that my hand put a lot of pressure on the vertebrae. I had discovered this brought about a weird feeling I can only describe as mild euphoria? In fact once I raised what was going on I started doing it in my waking hours at times and thought of twitchers used on horses lips to make them feel dozey, despite the act long like a medievil form of torture.

I had done this several times and was in the boat swinging my hammer at the part zombies, part barnacle and part fish when suddenly I felt really sick and had to pause the game and run upstairs, leaving this poor girl to fend for herself! Sorry! Could not help it. Honest!

So back to the start and I was not allowing myself to move a muscle because I feared if I did I would go into about of vomiting that the '111' health help number heard me do and sent out an emergency response respectable bespectacled... oh the chaps in the cars, whatever they were called.

My word, how everything and everyone seems to be screwed up despite skill these people and organisations being paid for things to bit get screwed up?! Lol.

I sometimes think that if will take things being screwed you so badly that everyone can see before enough people realise they have been class dopes and contributed to everything being fecked up?

Would the sacrifices then come to reverse the feck up they caused? Or would they merely just leap into the drivers seat the moment you have it and desert you in the middle of a battle while they hurtle off in your car?

I myself play my games by the same choices I would make in life.

Had I caught up the the car thief I would have given him a damn good kicking with some choice words to boot.

*Sigh* I truly despair at times whether accompanied with fear or just eyebrow raising bemusement.

As for this bloody latest health condition? I keep thinking that I need to note sick to a diet...

However....

I am already supposed to stick to four out five of them.

With both Crohn's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis being on the list of possibilities I can tell you from experience that all the things that know-it-alls line you tell you you eat, by quoting what they think is the obvious, many of these are on the definitely no-no-no list  which can and does include surprising things like FIBRE, ONIONS, SKINS OF VEGETABLES, LACTOSE, DAIRY, HIGH PROTEIN MEAT, YOUNG CHEESES, BEANS, SEEDS, STRAWBERRIES, TOMATOES AND MANY OTHERS!!

To put it simply if your bit both a dietician and a specialist consultant or Doctor don't give out advice. Oddly enough it's these types of people who'll get annoyed with me and yet I would never hand out the advice to someone they are willing to do!

In fact this is what they get annoyed about I think is sometimes for being dicks but then want to blame me for looking like dicks and take it out on me, lol.

Yes that attitude bow adopted so readily by alcoholics and drug addicts in that they are victims so they are not bound by the same punishments, read ANY, and so go out and steal to fuel their addictions or even massage their own egos when really they are just stupid and pathetic, pretty thieves.

Ahem. Lol.

THE RIDE BACK INTO HELL

HiIt is 3.09am add I start this post and I'm back into another night of hell.

This very annoying a well as painful on and off as I finally thought I was in the body clear!

It's not quite as painful at that dreadful night but it's not far off at times and I am already panicking it will go that way.

How can a condition continue for best part of ten weeks? It's bloody stupid a had a little sign earlier it might return and should have taken several Tramadol.

All the other symptoms are present too, abdominal pain, wind, diarrhea and vomiting...

Damn it!! Have to keep pausing due to sudden increases in pain and vomiting. This is no way to live! Well it wasn't previously but this just makes it ludicrous, lol. I have always had this urge to apply a lot of pressure to my stomach with pretty rough stomach aches. However my chest still hurts from breaking, not a bone, whatever I did a few weeks back which I thought was a rib.

Damn it!

I have had to stop a couple of times to throw up and deal with abdominal pains. I then could feel myself getting weaker by the minute as well as sleepy too. The pain was subsiding at the same time and child not have been a coincidence? Eventually it subsided enough that I left my tablet pc alone and laid on the floor with only a towel to rest my head on and my robe around me. I feel asleep but only for a short while as discomfort somewhere I can't recall had me gradually get to my feet and make my way to the bed.

I fell asleep. How it for I do not know but must have been an hour at least.

It is now 6.25am. Annoyingly I was awoken by abdominal pains! At first I thought it would simply pass and tried you remain in bed and yet that is not my present location. Feck me, what must I bloody do to end this?

My relaxed listen to the new Pink Floyd album I purchased while it seem like a distant memory now. One wonders if this disruption of relaxed periods of the seldom moments of enjoyment will become forever disrupted with periods of pain?

I truly wish I knew what the answer is to my current problem! This has already become tiring and to much now. I am not going to be able to take another night like this one and it's not even over yet. I sit crumpled up waiting for something, anything to move to rid myself of this current predicament. 

I also have to admit to the condition of Crohn's Disease flashing through my mind this time around. I helped someone who had this condition and there is a link to something I now believe is responsible that I know used to set him off...

Jesus! More pain and vomiting before getting annoyed and using the two fingered salute to the back of my throat, hoping the sickness would go and/or the trapped wind would move. I'm not bringing up much and this ceased earlier in the night. Yet as always there is the feeling of going to be sick ever present. Strange.

I am leaning all over the place. Extremely weak and feel like I want to collapse constantly. Ewww.

Sleep! Floor....again.

Odd. How lying down on the toilet floor can seem so inviting and comforting? Then trying to get up I seem to be shaking, literally. Must be the lack of sleep and energy? Really felt it this time. Thinking of whether I stay in, tired and in case of embarrassing accident, or go out, need loads shopping for home, shoes.... still and likely a film to make up for slightly disappointing Days Of Future Past. Well it's not like The actually is anything left inside me at all?!

Hmm the is a new album from both Moby and Mike Oldfield I have not heard?!

The time is now nigh impossible 8.08am.

Goodnight.

TEN MORE GOD DAMN MINUTES

Y I thought about the title, 'what a difference ten minutes make' but thought it too corny.

I cannot quite believe how relaxed I am considering. But then it's pain free right now and that is something I thought I would never be happier about.

I said before I thought I was over the what and was wrong? I was wrong again. Good god I have been getting things wrong a lot of late! Queue a stomach feeling like it's trying to rip out of my abdomen and a spleen feeling like it's taking part in a Predator movie! Burning in the posterior and vomiting when everything was long gone and staying to get a great deal hotter and sweaty.

I cos not take it anymore and feck the ultimate embarrassment to my ultimate nightmare this had to stop. I could not take the chance that Tramadol could make it worse so I reached for my phone and dialled '111' which is the new NHS direct number.... sort of. But I could not hold a conversation in the state I was in and had to hold out for a... lull,  so to speak. It came, I rang, the lull soon left! Next I was unable to speak and holding my guys in pain while vomiting yet again. I simply wanted to know if I could take the Tramadol once I had handed over all the symptoms, are rather answered all the questions.

Returning to the phone I was told an ambulance was on its way. Well I had not hung up and neither did she and the poor girl obviously heard it all for several minutes though it felt more like thirty to me. Good knows what it was like for her.

So I did it. I finally have in during one of those nights that I anyways thought I would die before agreeing to an ambulance coming for me? When I was told I was past caring. That... was... unthinkable!

Eventually I realised I had given them completely the wrong number so had to dial '999' to get the correct number to them. There was a little confusion but eventually he came. Alone so the government can meet its targets?! Yeah I told him what I thought of the government and is targets and that there is never any comeback for those that cause these things.

Oh the pain? Well damn typical on the one hand while a relief on the other but it had died down to manageable levels just before he arrived. Go figure! In fact the phone call to correct the phone number I say told the ambulance was outside. I was hot, sweating like mad, becoming nauseous and hanging into the wall but appreciating the cool air in nowt but a robe. It was several more minutes beige he come and things were settling back down. My blood pressure was high, unusually, and he noticed I was hot and clammy but I said this were dying down now. Temperature seemed to be fine and I was told, to my complete relief, that the Tramadol would be fine. He tried to put me off going to hospital and I said I was fine with that, I only wanted to stop the pain and know it is OK to take the Tramadol.

Please God, that is how desperate I am, let that be the end of it?!

At least I have some respite right now and I'm shit scared, another pun, of eating anything. Drinking too and was not happy taking water to treasure the pills even.

I will have to get to the bottom of this to make sure it never happens again, if it's at all possible.

Did I record it? Yeah, not only did I not want to record it but it was the last thing on my mind while vomiting fresh air repeatedly and having the feel of emery paper and ignited petrol while trying not to break my rib/tear ligaments from my rib again! Still hurts from the list time I did it secession days ago and I dare say it will be a fair old while before that stops being tender?!

He asked how much I right it hurt so I pointed out my severely under used the section Wing Chun wall back filled with gravel of different sizes. I tell him I can punch it high speed and hard and shock a lot of people. He gets to here about the Fibromyalgia, hernias, being run over and various other things. He gets the general idea.

Huh, life eh?

How does it vary so much from person to person? I always think it is down to simple mathematics and the laws of averages. Two people may own want the and car but one never has so much of a scratch while the other has half a dozen. There are always two extremes and everything in between. It's the laws of mathematics you can not escape. So why have I spent all these years battling so hard to change them?

I just wanted to see if I could. I don't like the thought that this are predestined. Despite having a theory supporting it I am determined to destroy that theory I have been holding onto all these years.

It is not a case of proving that nothing is set in stone, that would be impossible. Some things will never change that is just how it is. But to be truly ground breaking... well you have to do some breaking of your own.

Now if you will excuse me I have not slept more than about two hours in... umm... 36? Give our take?

Hopefully this will be a good night? Oh crap, just remembered I have to sort out the cursed DWP! BUMMER!

ANOTHER NIGHT IN A DIFFERENT HELL

Damn it!

I already typed this out but in true Google like fashion the app had lost the text! Grrr!

Right so now it is 9.23am and not 8.45am and I was awoken by discomfort around 4am. Oddly this is a time that I became all too familiar with some years back.

When I typed this out, the previous bloody time, I thought I was over with the difficulties bit it seems that despite the nightmare I have been through its not done with me yet! Crap! At 8.45am was the first time I could focus enough to type out a post. Well for awhile anyway. I stopped to check on the name of a bacteria that could be the cause of my current issues. I was not familiar with the name but it was mentioned along with another I am familiar with. Well only in that I have been tested for it several times by different doctors in recent times. It anyways comes back negative. Hmm come to think of it I cannot remember why I was tested for Helicobactor pylori in the past anyway? Taking things like Lansoprazole,  Omeprazole and Oesomeprazole for too long was one reason. Its on here somewhere.

My issue this time is sort of the save thing that's now been bugging me for around 7 weeks give or take a week. Only tonight something I forgot to mention to my new GP reoccurred and a lot more intense than it was previously and to the point of vomit inducing. Which I also ended up doing. Twice. The former I refer to are 'sulphur burps' or sulfur if your American.

Oh crap, have to come back to this but will mention that this is one of several moments in recent years when I have been curled up on my bathroom floor, this time with a intense throbbing pain in my back, wanting to quite literally die. Gets better as too because as I was looking fit this other bacteria,  Gallia or similar, one page stated to another with the dance symptoms that they should get it checked out of your family had a history of stomach cancer?! My great grandfather died of that and my grandmother what's right she would go the same way and why she avoided Doctors and hospitals like they were the plague!

For the love of...

It is now 11.03am abs no sleep since I last typed in this post.

I thought I had been through the worst moments of the night? I was horribly wrong!

I thought I had been surprised in the past with how can come out of the human body? I was wrong then too.

Added to some seriously projectile vomiting and diarrhea my stomach pains were joined by a terrible but odd, as an accompanying symptom, back pain. Starting off as a low throbbing that would build rapidly in a few seconds to have me grabbing my back whole throwing my head back. With moments of 'crouch, kneel, sit, repeat' going on during all this as well as the disgusting taste and smell from what seemed like everywhere! Truly I have never experienced anything quite like this!

I am done. This had gone on for 7 weeks with the worst night being last night. The throbbing of my back increasing to the point it felt like something would burst had me think of my father who complained of the same thing a few times. The last time he did it turned out to be a busy aneurysm and he died as a result. Within a year of being set up by a household name. A household name that a member of the public mentioned to me and a couple of friends he and his wife believed were both corrupt and finished. In fact this day one of two things mentioned to me in recent days that people stated would not exist five years from now?! No, he has not read my blog! If he had he might fancy cutting that time in half? Lol. Yes they are on here with the rest of the usual suspects.

I digress. I'm done. Like I said. This cannot go on and nor can I have another night remotely like last night! My GP forgot my Tramadol so I will drop in a note. Only he only does Thursdays. It also turns out that I may have unknowingly poisoned myself. This is the only other option outside of stomach cancer and going with that. This would mean then that for a number of reasons is down to the Fibromyalgia.

Go figure!

Damn and now I am getting an increase in stomach pain again!

This reminds me of mentioning those horrid moments when you would give anything for someone to just flick a switch and turn it all off. Those are the real low points no one should deal with too often and yet I have felt this way around a dozen times in recent years. I think I can honestly say that almost all down to Fibromyalgia too?

Still hopefully it will pass soon, no pun intended lol, and I will fall asleep hopefully? Also today is a payday for me and I normally return Wednesday nights, every other Wednesday that is, with a film.

I doubt I will be leaving the house at all today which is the first time I have done that on a payday in awhile.

THE TWO PRONGED ASSAULT

I am not in a good mood ... oh you could tell? Lol!

I have had this good damn nauseating feeling that had been dogging me for days and it's more often there than not lately.

I have tried two pills of the Domperidone, two pills of the Prochlorperezine, I think they were called, and I have even tried both at the same time with two of each! Nothing, Nada, zip, zilch!

It really is getting me down!

Anything I do that can bring it on dies in mere moments and even seconds. I started playing a game and after several grabs of my neck in the space of five minutes I literally gave up and could not even look at my desktop screen afterwards!

I decided to get up and do something I completely forgot about because I felt I was going to throw up, despite having only had two slices of toast. I tried to them just lie down but befit I could the feeling was pissing me of so I headed for the toilet and such two fingers down my throat several times but could not income vomiting to the point of bringing anything up.

I had hood to force something that either have the feeling finally go afterwards, though with my luck ...

I have resorted to this from time to time despite not mentioning it on here, our at least I do not think I have?

The thing with this blog is that I do miss things out. I have missed out a lot of things which I do not really worry about at all.

Some could be forgiven for thinking 'how in the hell can their be things missed out with everything that has been posted about in two years?! The answer is ... a lot. A hell of a lot!

For instance despite how much I posted in the early days I did not post anywhere near as much as I sent to the tabloids and TV News media! Possibly even as much as 50% was left out and with many I had intended to go through things and post much more but fugues I had posted more than enough. To get some peoples attention at least and I dare say that there are tens of thousands of people that have been on here the last three months have no idea to the mountain of documents and recordings I posted up in the first two or the months?!

So incomplete.

Then there is the reason that not only was it enough but I would continue to set things up over the next couple of years so I would get more ... a lot more.

Now here is where those that have access to these recordings of audio, video and mountains of documents on here are privy to something the news media and tabloids never were. That would let people to their own realisations I already knew and namely asking a series of questions starting with the word 'why'.

Asking the way there were many things I intended to post but did not, forgotten mostly due to Fibromyalgia, other distractions going on our likely both or could not be bothered then forgot.

So incomplete then.

But that is how I wanted it really but it worked out better than I thought and have two accounts with the media posting and the blog posting with both incomplete.

Both together are indeed incomplete and will never have a full account performed by myself. If ever done this would have to be undertaken by someone else, whether this be an extremely focused and driven individual or some large group.

Then there is the issue of trust and should go without saying that there should be some ... caveats before this could occur. This really should be in the minds of some right now, if not later in the year followed by an approach someone after. If it ever reaches that ... no it will reach that just could be later than I think. Depends how narrow minded some week stubbornly remain? Or perhaps when the story outweighs any ... fringe benefits had up until that point.

So I sit here typing, no sliding my stylus to and fro bow feeling sick while giving my fingers sideways glances wondering if ... no when this will occur. However this will likely be between to he post, pardon the pun, by other things also rapidly approaching the time they should start to occur?

Not the thing you might think either, which still provides details of a much larger corruption scandal by the biggest name there is in the world they will never survive. No not that as it was obvious before to long that this is definitely FUBAR! I just had to show this to be the same FUBAR I see to everyone else. Already in the dog house and a rapidly growing number if people who distrust and even hate them they don't care.

Because like a lot of idiots they think that acquiring a massive amount of cash is all you need. They think that desire showing disrespect to their customers and user base this has no effect on them. What they fail to realise with all their intelligence is that all this does is provide a slow and certain death.

Because as people see the truth the now that need to see the longer it takes. Here is where they are extremely naive and stupid but think themselves so not.

They also miss the fact that with so many people naively using them and not knowing the mitre there are then the longer it takes.

Important point number three missed is that the longer it takes then the longer they are seen to have performed their evil acts when it reached a tipping point!

Fortunately there simply is no way around this ... except to wait until the population of the planet had doubled then it takes twice add king to get around. The outcome is the same though.

In fact I do have this interesting theory that the longer it takes and the longer it is realised en masse that they have been at it I think the demise will turn out to be far worse in severity for the longer the duration they have been at it?

But it's only another one of my mass theories, what do I know?

After all I am never right, no that's not right ... I am hardly ever right ... no, wait a minute?!

Now if you will excuse me I have to go and stick two fingers up!

EDIT:
This really needs to be placed in my Fibromyalgia Two Zero Two post but is kind of the epilogue, lol, to this post too.

It turns out I was reminded of a couple of things I forgot to include in my Fibromyalgia report, but I am sure I would have mentioned them in here in the past.

I found out what at least was making the feeling sick staying stubbornly on awful levels as well as what was making me want to vomit!

The former was lack of food and I just do not get hungry sometimes and also forget to eat.

The other one is air and this of faint dispositions stop reading now ...

a second and determined go with the two pronged assault resulted in vomiting ... AIR!

THE REIGNING IN OF HORSES

I am currently at home and this is an extremely rare occasion whereby I am very pleased to be here.

No for once I did not wake up late and have not just got up as I fell asleep at a normal time last night which is a rarity of late. No its not because I have some new fandangeld toy to occupy myself with though I do seriously need a couple. Though you will get a surprise on that front about 3 weeks from now!

No today I decided to get out on the bike and make a very late start on my British Wildlife blog! However as seems to be the norm for this time of year I could not find anything. Took an absolute age before I did get it all together and finally leave the house! Drives me insane that does I tell you.

Only I got a few hundred yards and thought I had forgotten my nicotine gum. I checked and I had them but then I gopt about e mile and felt a twinge of heartburn and realised I had forgotten my Rennie! Checked and not, I have two fecking trays of Nicotine Gum but no Rennie, DUMB-ARSE!

It was a bit windy too and was blowing straight at me from an easterly direction. Now I very nearly decieded that this would be too much and go somewhere else. But I got annoyted with myself and pushed on with the original plan of Lea Valley Park. To get there I have to go past two sites that I regularly visit. Before long I suddenly noticed I had an ouyt of the ordinary pain in my chest. Very much like a very mild form of Costochondrytis (Chest Wall Pain), which made me panic a little as that is one shit thing to endure. It was also akin to, unless this is just me, when you were at school and they make you run in very cold waether and whe your breathing hard afterwards if hurts your chect breathing in.

Only I do not get that, it is not cold today and quite the opposite in fact and I had not done anything to warrant  the need for breathing heavily, though I was at times.

I nearly did not reach the very first site which is only one third of the way to where I was going. So I stopped there and decided tha was it and no further but would have to take a breather and calm down whatever was going on. I managed to get a photo and film of my first Blue Butterflies of the year here but no Bee Orchids nor Pyramidal Orchids, though luckily despite it being May and often getting photographs in April they have not emerged yet. So I have not missed them.

The heartburn was now beginning to become a problem too ad suddenly even the otherwise short distance home might become a real problem! So I decided to walk about with the bike on the Marsh I was on in the hope of getting at least a few photos for the blogs and film for the YouTube account.

Despie the walking sometimes having a lessening effect on these ailments this was not happening at the time and I felt a familiar pang! I kicked out the stand om my Mountain Bike and tossed off both my camera sling pack and my quick release should camera holster oto the floor. I walked forwad a few paces before dropping to my knees on the left side of the low cut section of grass.

I was going to vomit and I know the feeling only too well.

However this time it was a bit different from the norm. It was taking its time and this being one of the things I hate when I am out and people I used to know that witnessed me doing this used to get a shock out how violent it can be. This was taking its sweet time and due to the embarrassment I feel everytime I go out, because more morons would think I was drunk or just find it amusing and point, I kept looking round. Luckily I was in a spot where you very rarely see anyone despite bing very close to a very undesirable neighbourhood!

After awhile though BOOM off it went but after to ... err volumes of it it suddenly stopped and I was staring at the grass thinking 'EH?!'. Then I thought 'NO! Wait for it!!' but it never came? 'What gives?@ I thought as I would normally heave around a dozen times or more and even when everything is out it simply refuses to stop. In the end your thinking 'Please STOP! There is nothing more for fuck sake!!'

This was not one of those times and this has not happened before I have to admit. I I hobbled about in a figure of eight for ten minutes thinking it was going to lure me into a false sense of security until I was half way home in front of dozens of people and strike again?!

Then aftre awhile I decided to get on the bike and make for home 'Mate's shop?' No, home! 'But you do have a bit of shopping still to get?' No, FECKING HOME!!

So yeah, I am currently glad tyo be home! Especially as I stopped on the way back at one of those way over expensive corner like shops only to find he has no Rennie but does have packets of Gaviscone for nearly £5.00 each?" Yes I think I am going to have to have a chat about that too with my new GP, as I am normally given liquid but Gaviscone tablets I could take out with me without adding a bunch of weight would be far better. Plus I fecking hate Rennie and that was how I found out I had a Hiatus Hernia in the first place because I was taking so many I felt ill and hated the taste, lol. But if it gets rid of bad heartburn you have to do it.

Yup glad to be back indoors. I may go out and the bike is out but whether this will be on the bike or not I do not know. It will not be far and likely mates shop of there is any time and then Sainsburys.

Mental side of brain goes at a thousand miles an hour whilke the physical sider of brain and body quite simply does not.

:)

THERE IS MY MATE HUGGGGHIEEEE

Yeah well if you did not get the title, I am having that sickness, nauseous and out of it feeling I always get but am always praying I don't after getting no sleep at all!

Than the lord for drugs! Lol! Well I have two types of drugs here with Domperidone, which I think is used for sea sickness, and another one called... ummm....Lol called something brand wise starting with 'S' like Stemsil?! Darn it! Cannot find an empty pack and the pills are in my waistcoat which is downstairs and I cannot be motivated to go and retrieve them, until I want another tea that is!

I have mentioned this other drug previously and they are the drug that my last GP stated did not exist and that the only anti vomiting oil was Domperidone. I hope that from that you can take it that I was bit given them by him and instead the hospital and were provided to be by Chase Farm Hospital after being taken up the by someone! Oh it was Harry, as in Dirty Harry which he would Rio around with laughter if he read this! It was an I'd nickname for him.

Oddly Harry has a fair few stories to tell regarding local councils and schools and I would dearly love to cover them on here. But without permission I cannot do that whether it be friends, family or people I have only just met.

It has become so ingrained into the very fibre of everyone's psyche that they can rant off about it but offer to go public on it and get the chance to get help and they suddenly become wary of upsetting the applecart.

It is a shame because what had been done to them by their own authorities had been nothing short of appalling and I do feel bad for them! They have been deserted by public organisations, tricked, lied to and even setup by the very authorities granted powers to help the public and do the opposite.

It is also the case that children have suffered over this too and all of them, bit just one or two, in a most horrific fashion.

Whenever he has shown if it I have always stated how infuriated I get knowing that they are sucking the taxes dry and therefore the country.

It is quite alarming really because not only do their authorities make five that I know of to pull this crap with one of mine being 250 miles north west of here but for several years now I have been told by countless people that there councils and public organisations are the same?! I would not even like to hazard a guess at how many different local councils have been complained about to be but certainly around a dozen at least?!

After awhile when you have heard enough horror stories that your suspicions then start to appear to be pretty close to the truth? That is that you would be hard pressed to find a local council, certainly in England, that someone did not have a horror story about?!

Yup, alarming and despite what I used to tell a solicitor I used to be a Personal Assistant to about Local Councils it had long since proved far worse then even I had imagined!

I...probably wandered off subject there? Just typing this out and trying to not bid off while trying to think of somewhere I can head to at this very easy hour? Hour and half before friends open up but I won't be much fun like this, Lol. Bloody Irwin Mitchell Solicitors have just aired an advert on Planet Rock Radio?! Well I suppose when you only take on the slam dunks while tossing all else to the gutter you will make enough cash to advertise on radio and TV, Lol.

Yup back on topic, err which one? Yup trying to be comical now! Yes I do not think the library is open early? Shame! But then I would privacy end up slumped in the corner?! Still it would be nice to actually go in that building without finding every single seat, desk and spot taken up?! I noticed people plugging their laptops into the wall sockets too last time and did not realise that the library gives away free electric? 

Probably why their selection of books is utterly appalling and been like that since I moved here 7 years ago?! Lol!

Still if you visited three around mid afternoon with your laptop, tablet, phone you city's run them all week on the councils electricity bill?! Lol.

Seriously though I can never figure out why there are so many prior in the place. I mean I only go in the rarely and it is because of that reason if it being full that I avoid it. Annoying for me as it would make a good place to go and get done work done one or twice a week. But you go in and up the stairs and walk an entire circuit and find all place are taken every time! When your having your feet hurting, pain in the groin and knee too it's one of the things that makes you want to scream at everyone and trek them to f... Go away! Lol.

Most other places would involve spending money to hang about in and still be packed anyway!

Hmm I often think how it would be cool to be a member of a club or some sort of get together once or twice a week. A club involving something I am interested in and meeting like mine people. Hmm I did hear that there was an Aquarist Society in Enfield recently which I did not know about.

Oh and now I am rambling! Lol.

VIDEO: THE SQUEAMISH NEED NOT ENTER

Now I really DO MEAN this!!!

This is being put here just in case I need to call upon it at a later date due to a disagreement I had with a naive, incompetent and narrow minded Doctor who like so many others, not all of them Doctors, have been highly offensive only to later realise they were wrong and I was telling the TRUTH!!

Trust me on this there IS a whole list on that one, lol.

Now I am warning you now this is a video of me out TODAY and after buying some bits to FIX MY MOUSE. SIT DOWN WHILE OUT DUE TO FEET AND KNEES and a Blu-Ray of Resident Evil: Retribution I had a portion of chips in Waltham Cross.

Just as I was sitting on a bench and two ways through my bag of chips I felt a vomit coming on. I was intending to go into Cash Converters, where I bought this very keyboard, but ran down a side allaey behind some shops and ... well you can GUESS the rest.

Covered in GOO I decided not to catch the return bus back stinking of puke so I walked up to the A10 and figured I would go into the forest near Forthy Hall to get some wildlife pictures and shots.

Along the way I felt better far sooner than I would normally, felt HUNGRY and so decieded to treat myself to a Double Whopper with Cheese in Burger King, which I have only had one other time in the last year and was purchased FOR ME!

I was eating this inside the tiny drive through and was two thirds of the way through this to when.... feeling I was going to vomit! Being in a highly public area I pnicked, though the burger into my bag and ran out! The idea being I would get across the A10 into the quiet part of Bullsmoor Lane near Capel Manor.

But I did not make it, lol.

I was probably looked at by a thousand or so drivers going by as it was busy and around 2pm in the afternoon. Then two younr girls come walking around the corner and I wanted to die of embarrassment!

What makes it worse is you just KNOW everyone thinks your a drunk and I am thinking to myself, well look effing closer I have a bloody CAMERA!! LMAO!

Also REMEBER this is Oesophagitis and another thing that the NHS has REFUSED to operate on and I have now been asking over TWENTY YEARS, probably alot close to TWENTY-FIVE years in all honesty.

In fact I was 19 when I was diagnosed with a Hiatus Hernia and I am 44 now , lmao!!

WARNING AGAIN BUT ONLY WATCH THE FIRST ONE, THAT IS OK DO NOT WATCH THE OTHERS!!!

You HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

I'M SO DIZZY MY HEAD IS SPINNNING!!

OK nicked that line from a CD single I had years ago...err was that comedian guy whose name escapes me as my head really is spinning!

I had a friend arrive today and I opened the door quickly and I spun around and bent over to do something and then came up at an acute angle and as I did my head SPAN like a top and I nearly went OVER and dropped to the ground!

Was the same chap that too me to A&E last Friday. He asked me how the funeral went for our friend and I then had to explain that I could not go due to these dizzy spells. Though I did state and will do so here that to refer to them as 'dizzy spells' does not really do them justice and is an understatement!

I had planned on going out to have a chat with the Dentist and book that appointment with the Doctor and maybe just handing in my prescription for the anti dizziness pills, Prochlorperazine 5mg, so that I get some more but no I feel like I am going to be sick at any point and has been like this for an hour so do not want to go out at all?!

Catch 22 if EVER there was one!

Now wondering if I should take a second pill so that I have taken 10mg n the hope that would help enough to go out and hand in this prescription?!

I did do some research on the advertising to nail down a few facts, which I should have done some time ago and spurred into action by the patronizing hired help on that Google AdSense forum. Seems I was right and I have listed a load of details down to keep an eye on and see how it all turns out.

Right I get too embarrassed at going out when I think I am going to vomit for sure. I always have this fear every time I go out and it is a real possibility and happens fairly often. If I g somewhere where a lavatory s nearby and NOT a public one then this is great.

Anyone that thinks there is not a problem with going out when you have this vomiting problem well all I can say is that each time you go into a public lavatory and for the next year then get down on your KNEES in each one?!

Then after a year then think that I would have done that, that many times in the course or two to four weeks?!

Another one is travel across London say about 10 miles with NO CAR and do that without standing still?!

Or try carrying an Umbrella, Walking Stick AND shopping?! LOL.

Then imagine while doing all this you have bolts of pain in your foot arches, sore stone like pain in your left foot, stinging and/or aching in your groin and sharp or intense pain in your back, shoulder and neck?! Oh and the painful clicking i your heels when descending stairs too! LOL. In summer pain in knees when on foot caused by use of a mountain bike.

Go one I dare you?!?!?!

LMFAO!!

INGUINAL HERNIA JUST FOR THE RECORD

JUST FOR THE RECORD AND FOUND AT...

CLICK HERE

Complications

In rare cases, inguinal hernia repair can damage structures involved in the function of a man's testicles.

Another risk of hernia surgery is nerve damage, which can lead to numbness in the groin area.

If a part of your bowel was trapped or strangulated before surgery, it may lead to a bowel perforation or dead bowel.

Calling your health care provider

Call your doctor right away if:

• You have a painful hernia and the contents cannot be pushed back into the abdomen using gentle pressure
• You develop nausea, vomiting, or a fever along with a painful hernia
• You have a hernia that becomes red, purple, dark, or discolored

Call your doctor if:

• You have groin pain, swelling, or a bulge
• You have a bulge or swelling in the groin or belly button, or that is associated with a previous surgical cut.