SEIZING THE DAY

There I was in a very secluded spot with my camera on a macro tripod taking pictures and videos of some of the British Wildlife. For my British wild life blog.

I saw a couple coming along the secluded path and was annoyed I had to get up. They were around fifty years or so from me. I stood up and turned around expecting a familiar feeling to come over me.

The postural hypotension had been dogging me for the last hour. It is annoying at the very best of times and this was real edge of the black-out territory.

My new Nikon Coolpix P900 camera was on my right side on a quick release strap. My new camera bag was on my left side and as per usual I had my walking stick in one of my hands.

I felt the feeling wash over me, it really is a good description, and I grabbed a fence post with my right hand. I felt as if I was going to get through it when suddenly I was getting up off the floor!

Worse still I could feel convulsions both in my head and in my body, like sudden extremely strong jerks as if I had been plugged into an electrical socket.

'What the fuck?! How did I get on the floor?!' I thought as I was automatically trying to sit up.

I then realised what had happened and then remembered there was a couple coming along the path just prior to this happening. Where were they? Were they still there? It did seem like seconds but the last time I had one of these that strong I was actually out for thirty minutes. Except at the time it felt like I was only gone a few seconds.

I got to my knees an looked in the direction I saw the couple with their pram. They were still there! But just standing still and looking worried. I said “It's OK” out loud so that the message would be heard and waved them towards me.

As they got close I asked them what they saw. The mother said that I had disappeared out of view like I was falling but were worried in case I was … 'hiding'. “No, no, no sorry … I just had a fit of some kind.”

She told me she had wondered if I was having a fit because she herself was epileptic.

After wee finished speaking I continued on my way but feeling a real warm and fuzzy feeling, I still feel it right now in fact. A funny feeling in my head. I do not know how to describe it.

I then panicked as I had just bought a new camera only a week or so ago. “Effing typical!” I said out loud as I spotted three largish marks on my camera. Turned out to be dirt and I just brushed it off. A few minutes later a friend rang me and I told him what had just happened. He came and picked me up.

Oddly enough I had made an appointment with my GP, or new GP and the brother of the one I had previously who left for pastures new.

So now that is two immediate problems to deal with and I need to find out how I can stop pstural hypotension from doing that?

The trouble is I have high blood pressure along with the postural hypotension. Hypotension basically means it goes lower than it should. So my blood pressure can go from very high to very low very quickly.

So what do you do?

How can you take a drug to bring your blood pressure up, if there is such a drug, when your taking other blood pressure pills to keep it down?

Unless there is a drug that is better at keeping your blood pressure in a more uniform level but as per usual it is more expensive so you get the crap, like Ramipril?

Hmm … foundd Postural Tachycardia Syndrome! Christ, I must be collecting the syndromes? Lol. I wonder which branch of my family I have to thank for this one? The human body is a miracle indeed! HOGWASH! LOL!

http://patient.info/health/postural-tachycardia-syndrome-pots-leaflet

In that webpage it mentions a few things I experience and it mentioned Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which I am sure is just early stages of Fibromyalgia Syndrome from everything I have researched. So interesting that is mentioned.

Excess Heat: Yup established long before starting the blog that I do not like it hot!

Syncope or Fainting: Yup always get that.

Palpitations (feeling your heart beat): Yup, had that only yesterday and thought I was having a heart attack and stopped in the street.

Gut problems: That is what I booked appointment for as I thought I might have Diverticulitis.

Brainfog: Fibrofog lol

Tiredness: Check

Sweating: Check and long established on here

Poor sleep: Check … Fibromyalgia includes no restorative sleep

Chest Pain: Costochondrytis? Had that!

Shakiness: Yup … hands. Wondered if I had Parkinson's, it is in family, the latter.

Bladder Problems: Yup, over a decade. Went to Whipps Cross Hospital about it.

Anxiety: Yup, been hospitals and even psychiatrists over that

Dizziness: Check! On trains, both types, feeels like train is falling down a hole and I grab the bars for dear life! God knows why.

Hmm so looks like something else three dozen overpaid Doctors have missed?! Blimey this is going to end up very embarrassing for the NHS.

I had a grand mal seizure once before and a very long time ago. At a friend's place and he and his mate stated it was due to the cannabis. I never thought it was down to that and that the cannabis just magnified something already there. I was often having black-outs and this occurred over twenty years ago. Yup, OVER twenty years ago. It was reported to my GP, a Dr Tennekoon, at the time along with the other black-outs and falling over. Nothing was done and after a while it went a way for a few years until around 8 years ago.

I had gone to the communal loo in the bedsit and the next thing I know I am lying on the floor of a very narrow toilet room in an old Georgian, I think it was, house and a banging on the door. I have my trousers half way down my legs and I unbolt the door. My friend appears in the gap of the door and asks if I am OK. I ask why he has come out and knocked on the door and ask him how long have I been gone. Now I think I have been missing from the room for mere moments. Turned out I was missing for thirty minutes!

That time as I came around I remember feeling a violent shaking going on and I got back to his room and laid on the floor. The next thing I knew I could not feel anything in my body from the neck down!

I stayed on his floor all night! The next morning I was OK.

Like I said … that was about 23 years ago.

This thing that is … happening to me. I can tell you I do not like it, especially as afterwards it feels like someone has been performing horrible experiments on my head then played football with it!

I hope there is a way to prevent this?!

A DAY OF PECULIAR EVENTS

Today was a very odd day. Very odd indeed.

First off I had to go to my GP surgery today and give even more blood and this time they took three vials. I started to feel as if I was single handedly supplying th NHS with blood.

I asked what was going to be tested the nurse replied that one was a full blood count, one was for something I also suspected but cannot recall. One was something to do with my kidneys.

Those people at Google really are idiots, to my disappointment they have gotten hold of Quick Office and then set about ruining it. I would not mind but I paid 10 pounds for something I like and now have something I bloody well hate and does not wrk properly, keeps freezing on me, does not save correctly either nd is bloody confusing too use!!

I think I will avoid their Glass product until someone that knows how to create a good user interface makes one?! Especilly as it is Google as there is now no support either as they suffer fro the God complex and their is no email support!

I found another way to email them and asked for a refund because this is NOT the product I paid ten pounds for and is shit! They never replied strangely enough. I am not alone with this opinion either and a top selling Android magazine dong a piece on must have apps stated that Quick Office was a gret app until Google got ahold of it and ruined it!

It is times like this when they created something utter crap, or turn something good into utter crap, that I believe their huge growth in a short space of time obviously had darker reasons behind it?

I also have to return to Maplin tomorrow with a highly expensive double USB connector as I have a keyboard combined case here which I thought was not workinng. Only when I got home tonight another adaptor I ordered via Amazon turned up I paid something like two pounds for and I just tried it just in case and it bloody well works!! I am typing on it right now and am happy I now have a keyboard. This is because when your working obn rather large documents like some of my posts end up being, you start to notice that SWYPE gets mny things wrong. It is still substituting words I typed for words whose first letter I never went anywhere near?!

Wandered off a little there. So I was in TK Maxx when I suddenly noticed the pain wqs beginning to ease off. I was on the umm moving stairs cominbg down from the top floor when I noticed something with my eyesight. Suddenly everything was looking clear and vivid and was very strange and the only way I can currently describe it. There was something else to. I noticed that I was feeling relaxed and very calm. It was eerie but also nice and there was a point when I thought I could just fall asleep where I stood and collapse and a few times I thought I might actually do that?!

Now I should explain here that this was something very new. Yes I have had these odd periods at home during the day lately where I fall asleep which is very unusual for me and was confusing until I read about Fibromyalgia. Yes I have had nausea to the point of blacking out. But this was neither of these two things adnd was dfferent entirely.

I continued on and was giving this a great deal of thought when  realised what was going on which lead tome understanding my past behavioural problems. The fight or flght mode had somehow switched off or was turned way down at least? That is why I felt so calm and I realised that this fight or flight mode they speak of does not just affect your muscles by way of your fascia. It affects our mind too.


I realised that for a very long time I was hyper and it all started to make sense. My inabilityto remain in the house, my agitated behaviour, my itching to get out and about and do something and my impatience as well as my anger and frustration. I still maintain I have every bloody right to be furious with Doctors, Specialists and especially the dark figures that force this bureacratic crap onto patients! Or in their minds lesser mortals though they are about to find out there is no such thing?!

In effect my ind had been racing along with everything else and it needed to know everything and is likely why I did all the things I did. Even the thing abouyt not sleeping properly there is a post from a few weeks back where I punched out in the night and punched the bloody wall! I know who I was dreaming about and who I punched, do not worry about that and will be posted about another time.

So it was beginning to appear that maybe I had gotten some deep sleep for the first time in a long time. But even if this was the case it was not the sole reason I felt like I did. I  had taken my Amitriptyline the night before but desperate to not have another painful day I took my normal setraline, Tramadol and Paracetemol and added some Gabaentin into the mix. That was what did it!

Oddly it is not the first time I have taken a concoction of my own and I have even overdosed a few times too. But then when Doctors refuse to diagnose you and therefore give you he medication you need and even then only give you the cheap crap that barely works you force these things to happen! There is no excuse and no getting around that fact and all actions and decisions will have their consequences and sometimes these can be serious. There may also be repurcossions too with nasty surprises.

Take my health fior example. If I die as a result of the crap that Doctors have dished out my friends and famly will go nuts. There were 500 people at my father's funeral and they will all be heartbroken and/or extremely pissed with the goverment and the NHS ver this. Especially as many of them thought I was making up m pains for years becase the NHS kept fobbing me off with lies and excuses and not evebn a diagnosis.

At the end of the day I managed to find out what was wrong with me!!

Then there are all these blood tests I am havig, which is at least 4, and not forgetting the ultrasound scan. It relly does not surprise me that there re danger signs regarding my kidneys in all honesty. The Cholesterol levels being high was a surprise as was my glucose levels.

So now getting back on track yet again. On the way home I get off the bus and go into Sainsburys. On the way out I get annoyed with a twat with his head in the clouds and being inconsiderate. As I walk across the car park I think how strange it was because that was the first time I had felt uptight all day! Then I realised I was lmping quite badly due to pains in my left foot and my shoulders were now really tight and extremely painful.

That fight or flight mode was switched back on!
So bloody obvious and easy once yu know, lol. Still it is another piece of data for these archives of posts and all goes towards answering the most difficult of questions.

That is the primate in me I cannot control.

Cannot control and have had years of th9s driving me crazy as there have been a great many things I have been unable to control as well as being unable to deal with. I have great difficulty in trying to understand how thoughts and feelings can run away with themslves and that I cannot put the anchors on any of them. This is why I thought I was bipolar a few years back! But the fight or flight affectrs the jmind too and that puzzle solving ability I have went it overdrive.

Now this is he very funny part of all this because the cnstant and persistant refusal of NHS staff to accept there was something wrong and deal witgh it lead the condition to drive its victim up the wall abnd through so many horrors that it will now end up harming the NHS in a way that will never be forgotten.

Now THAT is funny!