Tuesday, 31 December 2013


Today was a very odd day. Very odd indeed.

First off I had to go to my GP surgery today and give even more blood and this time they took three vials. I started to feel as if I was single handedly supplying th NHS with blood.

I asked what was going to be tested the nurse replied that one was a full blood count, one was for something I also suspected but cannot recall. One was something to do with my kidneys.

Those people at Google really are idiots, to my disappointment they have gotten hold of Quick Office and then set about ruining it. I would not mind but I paid 10 pounds for something I like and now have something I bloody well hate and does not wrk properly, keeps freezing on me, does not save correctly either nd is bloody confusing too use!!

I think I will avoid their Glass product until someone that knows how to create a good user interface makes one?! Especilly as it is Google as there is now no support either as they suffer fro the God complex and their is no email support!

I found another way to email them and asked for a refund because this is NOT the product I paid ten pounds for and is shit! They never replied strangely enough. I am not alone with this opinion either and a top selling Android magazine dong a piece on must have apps stated that Quick Office was a gret app until Google got ahold of it and ruined it!

It is times like this when they created something utter crap, or turn something good into utter crap, that I believe their huge growth in a short space of time obviously had darker reasons behind it?

I also have to return to Maplin tomorrow with a highly expensive double USB connector as I have a keyboard combined case here which I thought was not workinng. Only when I got home tonight another adaptor I ordered via Amazon turned up I paid something like two pounds for and I just tried it just in case and it bloody well works!! I am typing on it right now and am happy I now have a keyboard. This is because when your working obn rather large documents like some of my posts end up being, you start to notice that SWYPE gets mny things wrong. It is still substituting words I typed for words whose first letter I never went anywhere near?!

Wandered off a little there. So I was in TK Maxx when I suddenly noticed the pain wqs beginning to ease off. I was on the umm moving stairs cominbg down from the top floor when I noticed something with my eyesight. Suddenly everything was looking clear and vivid and was very strange and the only way I can currently describe it. There was something else to. I noticed that I was feeling relaxed and very calm. It was eerie but also nice and there was a point when I thought I could just fall asleep where I stood and collapse and a few times I thought I might actually do that?!

Now I should explain here that this was something very new. Yes I have had these odd periods at home during the day lately where I fall asleep which is very unusual for me and was confusing until I read about Fibromyalgia. Yes I have had nausea to the point of blacking out. But this was neither of these two things adnd was dfferent entirely.

I continued on and was giving this a great deal of thought when  realised what was going on which lead tome understanding my past behavioural problems. The fight or flght mode had somehow switched off or was turned way down at least? That is why I felt so calm and I realised that this fight or flight mode they speak of does not just affect your muscles by way of your fascia. It affects our mind too.

I realised that for a very long time I was hyper and it all started to make sense. My inabilityto remain in the house, my agitated behaviour, my itching to get out and about and do something and my impatience as well as my anger and frustration. I still maintain I have every bloody right to be furious with Doctors, Specialists and especially the dark figures that force this bureacratic crap onto patients! Or in their minds lesser mortals though they are about to find out there is no such thing?!

In effect my ind had been racing along with everything else and it needed to know everything and is likely why I did all the things I did. Even the thing abouyt not sleeping properly there is a post from a few weeks back where I punched out in the night and punched the bloody wall! I know who I was dreaming about and who I punched, do not worry about that and will be posted about another time.

So it was beginning to appear that maybe I had gotten some deep sleep for the first time in a long time. But even if this was the case it was not the sole reason I felt like I did. I  had taken my Amitriptyline the night before but desperate to not have another painful day I took my normal setraline, Tramadol and Paracetemol and added some Gabaentin into the mix. That was what did it!

Oddly it is not the first time I have taken a concoction of my own and I have even overdosed a few times too. But then when Doctors refuse to diagnose you and therefore give you he medication you need and even then only give you the cheap crap that barely works you force these things to happen! There is no excuse and no getting around that fact and all actions and decisions will have their consequences and sometimes these can be serious. There may also be repurcossions too with nasty surprises.

Take my health fior example. If I die as a result of the crap that Doctors have dished out my friends and famly will go nuts. There were 500 people at my father's funeral and they will all be heartbroken and/or extremely pissed with the goverment and the NHS ver this. Especially as many of them thought I was making up m pains for years becase the NHS kept fobbing me off with lies and excuses and not evebn a diagnosis.

At the end of the day I managed to find out what was wrong with me!!

Then there are all these blood tests I am havig, which is at least 4, and not forgetting the ultrasound scan. It relly does not surprise me that there re danger signs regarding my kidneys in all honesty. The Cholesterol levels being high was a surprise as was my glucose levels.

So now getting back on track yet again. On the way home I get off the bus and go into Sainsburys. On the way out I get annoyed with a twat with his head in the clouds and being inconsiderate. As I walk across the car park I think how strange it was because that was the first time I had felt uptight all day! Then I realised I was lmping quite badly due to pains in my left foot and my shoulders were now really tight and extremely painful.

That fight or flight mode was switched back on!
So bloody obvious and easy once yu know, lol. Still it is another piece of data for these archives of posts and all goes towards answering the most difficult of questions.

That is the primate in me I cannot control.

Cannot control and have had years of th9s driving me crazy as there have been a great many things I have been unable to control as well as being unable to deal with. I have great difficulty in trying to understand how thoughts and feelings can run away with themslves and that I cannot put the anchors on any of them. This is why I thought I was bipolar a few years back! But the fight or flight affectrs the jmind too and that puzzle solving ability I have went it overdrive.

Now this is he very funny part of all this because the cnstant and persistant refusal of NHS staff to accept there was something wrong and deal witgh it lead the condition to drive its victim up the wall abnd through so many horrors that it will now end up harming the NHS in a way that will never be forgotten.

Now THAT is funny!

No comments:

Post a Comment