THE HEART THAT BEATS DIFFERENTLY

My heart and chest is playing up.

Yeah that is the same day as that last post where everything that happened. It is only 2.16pm and trust me when I say that there will be a lot more happening.

In fact I had forgotten about something that happened last night.

I had mentioned that the older of the two with Autism was getting .. well .. violent, right in front of her mother nearly taking the head off the two year old. Also with Autism.

As I had stated previously .. the older of the two with autism screams the place down to sleep in her mother's bed .. except she does not sleep. Problem numero uno.

Problem numero duo is the fact that their mother suffers with a condition which is, at its very source, a sleep depravation disorder. Because you do not get what they call 'restorative sleep'. This is bad .. and yet no one seems to realise it yet. The less of it you have the worse things get.

This can affect your blood pressure, both high and low, and even your heart rate and rhythm as is does with me.

There are now claims that it is linked to a much higher risk of cancer, would explain how they panicked about my head MRI, never did figure that one out.

Unfortunately mum has three scares to now get through where I previously only had one!

At first this seemed easy and even to me a good idea because by sleeping in her mother's bed the youngest was getting undisturbed sleep. Normally disturbed by the older Autistic one waking her up throughout the night. Meaning the youngest was ratty the next day. She is ratty now as I explained in the last post but I am mostly putting this down to the fact she was Autistic and with a cold like virus which is probably where I got my third dose of it?

I had a friend on the phone a little earlier and since mentioning I have now contracted my third flu-like virus he is asking why I have not had a flu-job. Never had a flu-job .. ever!

So my daughter said to me “Oh, did I tell you what {older girl} did last night? I went in her room an she had smashed everything up .. including the dolls house which was smashed all over the floor!” with a look of shock on her face. I simply answered “Oh shit, are you serious?”

My immediate thoughts were that this was something that needed reporting to the authorities and I am going to mention this to her. It would .. or at least it should make them realise that these girls need separate rooms?!

Even if you only separated the girls your still talking about four bedroom house when this one and the one offered currently are both three bedroom.

Then you have a very needy-boy who wants to be the centre of attention all the time who also goes around winding the other three up, crying his eyes out when he goes to bed .. because the ten year old is till up when he, the five year old, is being sent to bed. I can go on about the things he does, the lies he tells, the winding up he does and the crafty things he does .. as well as breaking the toys belonging to the others but I will say something that is funny .. though annoying too and he does not learn because he gets yelled at every single freakin' time. He just does not take things on board .. but then he does not want to because what you get is a crafty grin from him when he thinks your not looking ..

When he hears his mother call out to his older brother .. who is in the next room or even in the same room as his mother the needy-boy .. so desperate to feel he is centre of attention calls down to his brother and says “[NAME] .. mum told you to go to bed!!”

Last night, not knowing his mother was out of the house .. I was getting crying that gets louder so that he can be heard. Upon entering his room and asking him what is wrong he says ..

“My room is too hot!”

Well I have heard a lot of things over the years but that one was a first.

“I need a drink .. my mouth is dry!”

The first he says even if he has a drink just prior to going to bed and the latter half of that sentence is something his mother says and as she has now been told .. is a Fibromyalgia thing. So he is copying a statement made abut a health condition to state the reason why he needs drink.

The other thing he loves to do is rat on his siblings and if this can be used as an excuse to come downstairs it will be. Despite the fact that the only other one that plays-up and does more naughty things than him is the older of the two with Autism. Even the it is a close run race.

On his own it is a different kettle of fish. But then he has no competition then.

But then there is lies the rub .. he is not only in competition with two younger autistic children, which he does not seem to mind go to bed earlier than him, but an older brother twice his age and five years older than him.

On any other occasion .. it would just be a needy-boy to deal with. But it is not. He is centre stage to being the sole disruptive influence and what with his older brother now heading for 11 and puberty it will only get worse.

Then there is that thought if what if the older sister had smashed up all that stuff and had hit her younger sister with it?!

Oops .. oh my God .. just had a major meltdown in here .. running up the stairs because she decided she wanted to go with her mother to the school .. I was asked by their mother's friend “Have you got your earplugs, Martin?!” from someone that cannot handle her for more than a few minutes. She told me this to my shock one day while we were waiting in a car together for the mum to finish some business .. business that was to do with the house that has now been turned down anyway.

As soon as the door was locked she ran upstairs and after hearing what she did in the bedroom last night and with her mother's room available to her .. well that was not happening.

You do not want to know about the state I have found the mother's room in .. or the fact that friends were here one night and asked “What the feck is that loud banging” and I went upstairs to find the older one with Autism repeatedly slamming a heavy chair to the floor .. because Cbeebies had finished on TV and she was DEANDING IT.

She is given into for a peaceful life and yet it is only short-lived. A few days and chairs are being slammed against the floor to the point you think the ceiling is coming down. Or water is pouring into the kitchen from either the bath overflowing or she is bailing out water from the toilet. That is when she is not ruining loads of food because the kitchen is totally unsuitable.

It is never ending.

I reached her in her bedroom where she aid she was going to bed. Umm .. no! She does not never go to bed and that is at night when she is supposed to.

What she wanted was for me to come down and then she gets up to letting out her rage and frustrations .. which meant the bathroom would get flooded or her mother's room wrecked.

So I asked her downstairs to ear-piercing screams of “NO!” with an evil look. I demanded that she went downstairs to an even louder and still negative answer.

So I picked her up and her meltdown went into overdrive .. with some turbocharging on top.

She sits opposite me .. till wanting to play up with some 'mummy's being whimpered now and then, because she knows he gets away with it with her mum. But then it goes quiet and she is glued to Gon again, a children's program on Netflix.

Me sitting here with my heart pounding and irregular heart beats wondering if I will make it through until tonight without collapsing or ending up in hospital.

All because the government and public services are failing more an more people and have moved on from disabled people and those with terminal cancer being asked to go to Job Centre's and have now started to fail vulnerable children.

I cannot even explain how many dangerous things I have stopped them doing.

The funny thing is I stated to the mother that I have noticed that she is getting worse and the other said “ think she is getting better”. Umm .. no. I think this was aid because she did not have to put up with her in the car doing her shit .. but since then the walk to and from school was OK to begin with but now a nightmare. Which is why she is here, now and not on her way to the school. Even the mother's friend had to be taken to the local Job Centre and I found out why in the car. She told me that this child was now dragging her feet, deliberately stopping and it has taken 40 minutes for what should have taken 15 minutes.

When I state 'in the car pulling her shit' I really am not exaggerating here. It was this 'shit' that got her mother pulled by the Police, her friend told me. Having gotten out of her car seat and hanging out of the window as they went across traffic lights. The insurance payment had been missed without us realising it and had I realised I would have simply paid it. They refused to take a payment because it got missed once before .. which I also paid!

The Police Officer upon hearing our story felt really bad about it all and wished he had not pulled us over.

That is how dangerous and disruptive they are and there is not one but TWO of them and in all honesty .. taking either of the girls in my car is a living nightmare. One I really do not want to do! It literally scares the living crap out of me.

Needy-boy makes it all even scarier when he is around.

The 'C' scares are scary on their own and I am expecting surgery at least .. the worst does not even bear thinking about.

Now the younger one is playing up because she wants the TV turned over the Peppa Pig .. something they only watch for about 10 to 30 minutes before getting bored.

They just see a thumbnail with colours on it and they want to see it. They start screaming when you don't so I let one find out the hard way an hour ago that the thumbnail with a Shark in it is not what she thinks and is and was I fact a documentary about .. Sharks. Real sharks! Yeah .. I have no issues with putting that on but I know within five minutes of trying to type a post out I will be asked to change it again.

Bizarrely I have out on several programs the screamed about when I chose them that they then become glued to for the next hour or two?!

One of these is Oscar's Oasis and the other one, about a young Dinosaur, called. There have been one or two others but the older girl even says now “I want Oscar on!”

I am just really and truly making this shit up as I go along.

And now I am having a coughing fit!

This would be a lot easier without the anxiety an the other .. worries.

What concerns me is that these wont be dealt with by .. anyone?!

The older with Autism is now behaving and chatting to me as if nothing has happened .. again and another eerie thing that happens.

WHEN IT IS OUT IT STAYS OUT

Well I will be a monkey's uncle!

I have spoken several times about the Tory government and how they have manipulated figures to fir their agenda and have known damn well they are doing it.

This is over their welfare reform and time after time after time they have stated that their reforms have been helping people back into work.

Well .. first off they have been forcing people back into work.

Well .. actually .. no .. it is not quite how they make it out to be.

You see what it is that they use and manipulate is the numbers on benefits going down .. it does NOT follow that these numbers are all getting back into work.

You see there are other reasons that the numbers of people claiming benefits have gone down .. like when they .. die.

I have attempted to point out this obvious fact in the past and when I was told about Calum's List I posted about it and have repeatedly referred to it in subsequent posts.

This is the deliberate mistake that .. everyone .. seems to miss?

From the tabloids to TV News and right up to those that put themselves up as champions to the people like .. for instance .. Jeremy Corbyn?

It would have been very easy and understandable to have people come to my posts, click on the link to Calum's List and decide it was made up by some tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. I likely would have done.

Except .. well now it seems to have come out .. in a report by The Independent newspaper. I am not sure currently if it states that the details were from Calum's List. Maybe they do not mention the lists name and maybe that is because they did not retrieve the details form there?

I dunno .. maybe some other corruption blog somewhere was used to get the details and maybe it was a blog that Members of Parliament and tabloids were already using to come up with their own stories that they have done since as far back as January 2013?

Sorry .. I had to .. pause. I did so to look at my daughter and say something that occurred to me while I was typing .. you see .. something very odd happened today .. in fact two odd things happened and something odd happened yesterday too.

I saw a Doctor after a horrific early morning anxiety attack turned into one hell of a meltdown of a level I wont forget in a hurry.

I kind of reacted .. as I do in these circumstances.

Well the Doctor visit went .. way, way better than expected and I was given diazepam ans he was worried about the 'meltdowns' as he called them and at the same time was shocked that previous hospitals and GP's had done nothing about the chest pain, tightness, breathlessness and heart palpitations. The diazepam was to help relax the muscles to prevent this as well as stop the anxiety.

Yeah .. I am being referred via some rapid-fire .. referral thing to a cardiologist over my heart.

Yeah he was .. worried.

He was also .. shocked. When I explained what I had, Fibromyalgia, a dozen of the worst symptoms and that I was here to help my daughter and grandchildren while being very far away for home he was shocked. The autism thing shocked him further. As did the fact that I was taken off disability twice and that they set me up for NEA and then pulled that carpet from under me just prior to relocating.

Then there was today .. where I met someone at the Job Centre in Birkenhead and .. well .. you could not meet a man more understanding of someone's plight and .. burdens.

In fact it was truly weirder than even being nice as .. he stated that he was aware that I had bred Red-Eyed Tree Frogs?! "Just how did you know that?" He likes to research his .. clients, for want of a better term.

I was put on 48 hours a week which was something I intended to 'have out' with them today .. except .. I was suddenly put onto 24 in the interim period between .. appointments.

He was surprised I had a Jobsearch account previous.

He told me t ot bther looking for a job and to get myself settled and used to the area. He said that I had a lot on and even asked me how my visit to the Doctor went, which was the previous afternoon.

Wait, what?!

Then he did something else .. he took that 24 hour a week work period which was 48 hours a week two weeks previous and he .. well he .. cut it down by more than half?! To ten hours a week!

OK .. OK .. someone pinch me?! How about someone go looking for Jeremy Beadle and give him a swift kick to the nether regions.

What the actual .. feck?!

More and more understanding was coming my way so thick and fast I felt I was in white water and was seriously needing a canoe!

I had just gotten over explaining all this to my shocked daughter who still had not gotten over the open and friendly chat I had with my new GP the day before.

Then my phone rang! LOL!

The Patient's Association want to speak to me! I told them I was not feeling suicidal any longer but had anxiety and that the could call me back tomorrow.

Well where was Jeremy Corbyn while this list of Calum's remained in the public domain?

How long will it be before he brings up what has now become the worst kept secret in politics?

You would think that if he stands for the things that he claims that he does that he might say something about this and that it would be a bit stronger a demand than 'you should pause Universal Credit roll-out'?

During a pause from typing this out to eat with my daughter I had another phone-call. This one was from a Newcastle number. God only knows who that is.

Phew!

What a roller-coaster ride of a few days? I have had some bad moments and mostly bad mornings since I have been here but .. yesterday morning? Ooh boy!

Then this was followed by the coolest waiting room music I have ever heard and I just remembered that I was meant to ask the staff what the music was called?!

Then one of the coolest first meetings with a GP I have ever had, followed by a complete understanding along with total shock of my current situation. Then more shock at the description of my chest pains, tightness and heart palpitations and irregular heart beat signal repeating on my blood pressure monitor. Then some Diazepam .. no .. a lot of Diazepam. Then some rapid appointment referral regarding my heart issues.

Then the weirdest meeting I have ever had with absolutely anyone in any Job Centre anywhere and that is saying something. And then some.

I bet there are a few fans and one or two people, one professional woman springs to mind, that are or will be reading this at some point, that will say to themselves ..

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I continuously promised though more of a prediction that I would end up right in the thick of things at some point in the near future.

I am in that place as of right now and the set of things and failures that have occurred thus far are nothing short of shocking and eye-opening.

At seeing my daughter's shocked reaction I then said ..

"Well these are the things as well as the signs I expected to see not long after I got here. I have finally seen these signs and suddenly .. I am feeling confident again. Some people are most definitely talking about me."

Or I just met who must be one of the most understanding and sympathetic members of staff of any JOb Centre .. anywhere?! Ever?! It was even suggested to me that I re-apply for the disability benefit known as Personal Independent Payments?! Yeah .. absolutely no joking around here.

Plus I saw that article in The Guardian stating that a housing association in Grimsby in the North East of England had preemptively sent out possession orders, notice of possession or whatever, before letters from the DWP to claimants informing them of their imminent switch-over to Universal Credit.

The owner stated that so many problems have come from Universal Credit and it takes them so long to pa out that if he had to wait 8 weeks or more from all of his tenants .. well he would go bankrupt.

He stated that he was happy this was being highlighted in the media to help the poor and vulnerable in society. Yeah, sure mate .. that is why you sent out eviction notices.

It gets better when the area that was used and a 'pilot scheme' for Universal Credit, Croydon, had representatives state that basically a pilot scheme is where you test something and the government never came back to them. They stated that if the government had come back to them, and the scheme had indeed been a pilot scheme, then they would have told them to stop rolling it out as it has caused a whole feck ton of problems.

Oh dear.

Austerity Death Study Report as reported in The Guardian ..

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/tory-austerity-deaths-study-report-people-die-social-care-government-policy-a8057306.html

Disabled people are not too overjoyed about the way they have been treated either while I have been discovering more and more that they have not only been ignoring vulnerable children with special needs but removing all support, as it appears to me, which only has a disruptive effect on all the other children too.

Here is a Facebook page with a good banner about the Tories ..

https://www.facebook.com/ATOSM/?ref=br_rs