THE ROYAL PANDAS

I have told the truth and I have given my opinions on news stories along with my predictions, many of which have come true.

In this long drawn out process to get the truth out there it has been hard and full if trials and tribulations.

Some subjects go crazy and some subjects crawl out of the proverbial gate.

Yet all I here or read is focus on the most popular subjects. But I do. It is called 'the truth' and I do this in the vain hope that things will change.

Except change only comes about when everyone realises what is going on and what is wrong and here I have my hands tied behind my back. I have to rely on others and it could have grown a great deal quicker than it has over six years. Even a little more than it did, say half as much again, would have allowed me to increase content as well as evidence.

I sometimes wonder why this is? Did people not bother checking documents or listen to the recordings because if it is a case of 'Too Long Didn't Read' then I am afraid it become TLDR because no one listened on the first instance. Or took enough notice to spread the word about.

But then I wonder if it is my political stance?

In my head I am centre .. sometimes centre-left, sometimes centre-right but as most know about me I hate these terms anyway. It is about what is the right answer for me and always will be.

Maybe people think I am alt-right? Except I would not even know what makes someone alt-right and I certainly do not come off as far-left.

I see the viewers some people are getting and I think to myself 'how in the fuck have the managed that? This is drivel and does not even class as entertainment' or I might think they are barking bloody mad. Like Anita Sarkeesian and her mindless followers.

I wonder that maybe there are not many that are centre and because I am neither right nor left that is my problem?

I am well aware and have been from the start that I could have done almost anything and all barking mad and acquired a following ..

• Hard and/or alt-right
• Hard Left, Social Justice Warrior
• Talked about Bigfoot
• Talked about how the Earth is flat
• Talked about the elite or all secretly reptile people
• .. or some alien race which would have been more convincing that reptile people
  • Made it convincing by talking about hollow earth which I put no credence into at all
• Talked about SEX!

But in six years I have not done any of these things and nor have I leaned a certain way just to attract a crowd.

Like my grandfather and many friends have always said .. “You stick to your guns .. always!”

So I have been getting there the long way round.

Except life does not always allow you that luxury of taking the long route and it certainly is not fun anyway.

Then there is the issue of my daughter whose horrific stories that sharply peaked of late suddenly made me realise that this long route may turn out to be a death sentence?

We did find a reprieve which turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. All that was stated did not come to pass. This may be because a story he specialises in is very difficult to get into the media? I even contacted him to open a line of communication to have an open discussion about this.

Except despite the fact I know he read the email a few days ago .. he did not reply. At least not to me.

Meaning that ..

• He saw that I was fairly intelligent and that scared him
  • Because he is an opportunist
• He has already been warned off and figured “This guys smart, he may figure it out?!”
• He has gotten tired of getting the story out there
  • Meaning the book magazine, TV Series and others he promised now is not taking place?
• He is an idiot and goes about trying to get this particular story out there all the wrong way or approaches all the wrong people, going after the big names which are all corrupted and biased
  • Why did Love It not cover the Take A Break side of the story and vice-versa?
  • Because a little bit un-PC is OK but too much is not?

There could be other reasons we do not know about.

All the while my daughter is waiting for the ship she has been promised over and over and over again, because of a series if front page national tabloid worthy horror stories, is not sailing in.

Bearing in mind we have dozens of horror stories and all happening to just one girl between the ages of 12 and 25, check the magazines if you do not believe me, and your going to promise her a lifeline and then not deliver?!

Totally and utterly .. disgusting! Totally immoral not to mention completely unprofessional unless your idea of professional journalism is to promise the world just to get them to sign or allow you to print what you want and then have no intention of helping?

Yeah so I reached out recently to the only people I know would be understanding, take up elements of these stories I have been working on and put them out there.

Now I know this wont happen overnight. There is a hell of a lot to go through and a hell of a lot to fact check. I figured that eventually and at some point in the next two to four weeks I might get contacted and asked permission to speak to my daughter?

Yeah .. well there is this .. contract. Well .. unless they do what they promised they would do back in February they can stick this where the sun does not shine. That was February .. we will be in July in the next few weeks .. and not a fucking thing said. But I guess you got your cut, right? Maybe even being paid off to stay away?

If I ever find that out, sunshine, your finished, well and truly. Because you portrayed yourself to be sticking up for a certain demographic and then cut and run when the money was waved? Yeah .. no!

Even if there is no pay off .. life, my friend, does not sit around on its arse waiting for others to pull their thumbs out of theirs!

I have got fed up for years of pubic service famously taking forever to do anything but then expect you to jump through several hoops in just a few hours. Worst case of double standards .. ever!

I even got moaned at by oe public service last year for taking too long and in shock at this I said ..

“You do realise that this is taking a long time because of another pubic service, right?! You all famously take too long but when your waiting for something that lies with the responsibility of another public service that takes just as long as you do .. your complaining about it?!”

Frida did see my point .. with a sheepish look on her face.

So not we are on our umpteenth waiting game.

If nothing is mentioned in the next week at least I know I have tried to get my daughter's story to Dave Cullen of Computing Forever, Sargon of Akkad and the Iconoclast.

They always talk about getting emails from random people but I could not find their emails!

It would have been nice to get the story over across the pond, so to speak, and the names that popped into my head were Tim Pool and Heather Southern. Again though difficult to find a way to contact.

Hopefully this will be picked up by someone as my daughter's magazine story in the post titled 'The Revealing Realities (The Fugliness Part 2)' seems to have generated a lot of interest, not seen since 2,500 people read my run down of Aussie Flu .. probably because everyone was worried about themselves .. dying and all?

Personally I was somewhat disappointed that the illness did not kill me but it instead persisted for a little over three damn months!

I cannot even die as this would be too much for my daughter and I would not want to leave her alone with her life, her health problems and the shitty and corrupt 'evil trinity' that is made up with the NHS at its head followed by the Local Councils and DWP. The first lies and in so doing helps itself and the other two. Everyone saves money .. it is a win-win!

I had no idea how just plain evil these so-called public services would turn out nor the tricks and lies they would pull along the way. It is sickening and I am quite ashamed of being human, in all honesty.

I also have no idea whether many involved are just plain stupid and do not know that they are acting as foot soldiers for an invasion of sorts, people's homes and lives, or they are just complicit because they get paid. They may not like it but keep their mouths shut and do what they are told?

Yeah funny that .. was that not what a huge amount of people in the German army stated after World War 2. But then I guess it is different depending on who it is being murdered, persecuted and worked until they drop dead. Did I mention being starved to death which I am sure at times would like like a scene from the documentary about Belsen?

So does mass murder have different levels of how serious it is depending on who it is that are killed en masse?

I digress.

Yeah .. so others working towards the same cause?

There are a great many I have a great deal of respect for. But then there are others I cannot help but feel deliberately talk about certain things to attract a certain group.

I call them Pandas! Pandering? Get it?!

There are others that go way over the top .. even appealing to the tinfoil hat brigade to get them worked up. If there was anyone that had reason to fear and suspect anything even coming up with the craziest reasons .. it has to be me!

However some things still sound like tinfoil hat theories to me and in all honesty I cannot say that each one is not true .. only that they sound like tinfoil hat theories and that is all.

I am sure over the last six years many things I have stated have sounded like tinfoil hat theories to many people? I know this because they sounded like that to friends and family members for a long time. Until my evidence started to build up. Rather annoyingly despite proving myself over and over and over again and people admitting I was right about a long list of things .. they still doubt the next theory.

That is something else .. literally watching faith drain away from the British public and I do not mean that in a religious sense.

There is one guy that always starts off sounding sensible but then reaches a point when it al turns and suddenly the more crazy sounding stuff all comes out. They put off so many people using this method. Yet they managed to attract a pretty big following at some point.

I also do not sell my own wares off on my blog or YouTube channel, hell I have not even gotten around to doing any videos on all this political stuff. Well Vlogging in other words. Not sure I would have anything to sell other than my skills and knowledge.

Two solicitors I worked for always stated I should teach. I always thought this might be cool on a smaller scale but I never really did anything about it.

I write and I take photographs while filming .. stuff. I try to acquire evidence too for posting at a later date. I write about a dozen different subjects and I could easily add four or more .. umm, more? But due to life and the public services and my health I have a hard enough time keeping on top of the ones I have. Would be so cool of I had the right environment to do everything I wanted as I could so so much.

While I was not getting anywhere fast with my political stuff and corruption I thought I could get the wildlife, reptiles, amphibians, fish, orchid, astronomy, computing, photography, films and music blogs among others up and running. That combined these would at least earn me an income?

It seems as if someone else has other ideas? LMAO!

Did I mention I know Wing Chun?

Lol.

So the ones that go off the rails to stir up a crowd of obsessed people that believe in crazy theories through nothing more than fear and confusion because of they way they have been treated?

I call them Royal Pandas! Lol! A right royal pandering. Annoyingly it seems to work for them.

I have often even wondered that maybe it is not that people think I am a tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist and quite the opposite? Maybe I am not crazy sounding enough for many?

This is kind of like that which I stated earlier with being in the centre, roughly, politically where most people are either on the left somewhere, so I am against their tunnel vision narratives, get pissed off just as those on the right would do? I simply do not know it is merely a theory. So kind of stuck I the middle in no man' land? Oh that was a good track by Mike Oldfield.

Well I did get one change in attitude of late and that was that of my sister.

Now as I stated previously my sister is a defeatist ..

“Martin, what makes you think any of this is going to work out in your favour? Nothing ever works out right for anyone in our family?!”

Compare that to what was said by her just recently ..

“Oh I know something is going to change very soon!”

She went from having far less confidence than me to having way more confidence than me because if I had any confidence at all .. my heart would not play up like it does and I would have been able to get far more done than I have of late.

I could easily get on top of things I need to get done and may be able to manage my Hypomagnesemia a lot better than I do?

I would also be out taking a lot more and a lot better pictures then I have been doing too .. which is somewhat .. annoying.

If I can just get around 600 pictures from using my professional camera across the board of the things I like to photograph I would be happy and can work with that.

It would be so cool to meet someone local, with a brain and not one sided or biased, that I would travel with for photography!

My problem is I can drop to the floor unconscious and for so many reasons too ..

• Seizures
• Sudden Energy Drain
• Cardiac Arrest
• Heart Attack
• Sudden Death Syndrome

The other things concerning back, feet and shoulder pain are a different story. Those I can deal with .. resting every now and then is OK but if I am unconscious .. with a very expensive and irreplaceable expensive camera and equally expensive couple of lenses I would not want to survive anyway. If these were stolen.

Maybe I should place in ad in the North London classifieds?

Lol.

THE WAIT

I have been walking around aimlessly.

I got wind that someone I know is in hospital and fro someone sobbing on the phone.

God I knew something like this was going to happen and I tried to stop it in several ways, even set up a crowd-funding thing months ago.

Their battery died too so I do not know what has happened .. but I have a theory and it is something I predicted many months ago.

Anything happens I can assure you if I am right then it is as a direct result of the UK government and public services and their lies and neglect.

I might have to email someone I have been holding off over for weeks if anything bad has happened and I have only held back because I know everything I do is .. monitored.

I simply do not want them to get a hold of our contact so that they can run around and bury their lies and murdering ways.

Ah! The boy is OK and it was convulsive fit and vomiting which are?

Symptoms of Hypomagnesemia!

Which if proven to be the case now affects five generations ..

• My grandmother
• My Father
• ME
• My Daughter
• Two Grandchildren it now looks like?
• Though this is somewhat alarming to me now
• Them being so young and all

As this condition also causes heart, kidney, liver disease, osteoporosis, cardiac arrest and heart palpitations and arrhythmia among other things .. this has serious connotations.

Low magnesium will deplete your calcium, hence osteopenia and osteoporosis, and your potassium, hence Sudden Death Syndrome.

You see it was missed in me and is genetic and even when they did they failed to tell me of the dangers, link previous symptoms and symptoms that have arisen since the diagnosis and of course .. tell me it is genetic so that I might tell me daughter. Who could then keep an eye on her own children.

They also missed it with her and when diagnosed what did they not do? All the same things with me and now we have had a chat .. I have told her what they did not .. AGAIN!

Because two things that low magnesium causes as well are vomiting and seizures .. just like the hundreds, not an exaggeration I assure you, of seizures I have had for over twenty years.

My very, very first bad seizure took place at a friends house a little after the mother of my daughter left me to go and live in Birkenhead.

She left me 23.5 years ago give or take.

I had already been having them and that was the worst one and yes I saw my GP of the time about it .. a Dr Tennekoon.

Twenty five years later and not only have they never sorted this out for me .. it is now affecting my own daughter and my grandchildren.

Yeah .. nice to see what all your tax money is doing for all those salaries for all those years when I could have been fit, healthy and had a career all my life?!

THE BLACKOUT BLUES

I had been doing some researching to see if I could nail down a part time job, to stop me from going out of my mind being stuck indoors especially now the weather is getting cold, when I got the idea that as I go I could post my progress.

Not really enough to post just yet and still ... well finding my feet really.

I was just about to get some rain water for my orchids while wondering whether to go out on my bike and do some research when a letter came through my door.

It was an NHS letter and I thought 'oh crap?!!'

A few weeks have gone by since I had the MRI on my head as well as the EEG and I was now beginning to think I can forget about a malignant tumour, provided there was no serious cock-up in the sending of test results? I had figured that after this last week, or rather after today, that even with some cock-up going on it would not take this long.

So just as I was about to think I was in the clear I pick up this envelope with the NHS logo across it.

I was fully expecting the letter to ask me to phone up and make a new appointment.

Only I realised it wasn't as I read it and then realised it was not the second thing I thought it was?! Yeah I am confused too. What it actually is is not the only thing that confused me and I will explain ...

It was a report to state that my EEG was normal, the test where I had three spikes of pain that made me flinch all three times.

So I then assumed that it was a copy of the report to be sent to the Neurologist at Chase Farm Hospital, Josephine Swanton. Except it wasn't and was actually a letter from Josephine Swanton to my GP stating that the EEG was normal?!

Giving the benefit of the doubt maybe pain spikes like I had are ignored because it is not primarily what they are interested in?

What is odd is that the MRI result was meant to come in at the same time. The 3rd of September was the MRI with two weeks for the results to arrive, as I was told making it sound like they had found a lump. Then exactly one week later I had the EEG at Royal Free Hospital, which got me into loads of trouble at court, which was to take a week. Meaning it would catch up with the MRI results from a week earlier.

Bearing in mind it is now ... 7th October so around four weeks later, I am left scratching my head why the MRI was not mentioned and also why you would send a letter through about one result when your waiting on two that should come in not that far apart?

I had wondered whether or not that in certain circumstances postural hypotension can be so bad that it can cause blackouts? But the jerking or convulsing like feeling I had when it happened did lead me to believe it was not a normal blacking out, though I was sure that due to the way the blackouts and falling completely unconscious that I was not epileptic. So despite the jerking brain feeling I did not think for one moment I was actually epileptic, just as I told Josephine Swanton at that first appointment.

So yeah ... a bit odd and quite unexpected to get that sort of letter and to even be sent a copy anyway unless of course my reputation from a few years back has made them do this?

Hmm I keep forgetting to look up bad postural hypotension, I am sure I tried looking a few months back though, so let us do that now...

Orthostatic hypotension is often mild, lasting a few seconds to a few minutes after standing. However, long-lasting orthostatic hypotension can be a sign of more-serious problems, so talk to your doctor if you frequently feel lightheaded when standing up. It's even more urgent to see a doctor if you lose consciousness, even momentarily - http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/orthostatic-hypotension/basics/definition/con-20031255

Now as a reminder I do not have your average Postural Hypotension and purely because my Fibromyalgia, or so my GP's brother told me who was my previous GP, causes my blood pressure to be quite high. Over 140 was normal and I even registered 182-3 on one occasion.

I did some tests when I was feeling the blackouts coming on, normally while holding some shelving in Sainsburys, and I had it go down to ... hmm was either 60 or 40.

Maybe a drop that much in a very short period of time can cause you to fall completely unconscious? I simply do not know and was unable to find anything about it reading up things about Postural or Orthostatic Hypotension.

I imagine it is impossible to give me pills for as these will be cheap and raise my blood pressure, when I already have high blood pressure? I did read somewhere there are pills that keep your blood pressure at a certain level but I would hazard a guess here that as these were never offered to me that they are . well, expensive? Lol.

Let us give them the benefit of the doubt once again and that they just want to make sure and that maybe I will be offered these pills at my next GP appointment?

And why was I told the MRI result would come through in two weeks when it is now four weeks and no sign of it? Especially when the sign on their waiting room wall stated that tumours arrive in two weeks and non-urgent ones in right? A bit stupid telling people that when you have that sign on the wall. That could lead to patients living in mortal fear for weeks on end?

So I think it is safe to assume that either it will be a cyst or the postural hypotension in combination with the high blood pressure and not a brain tumour? That is what I am thinking now. That Arachnoid Cyst?

I have lost a lot of weight and have not taken Tramadol in many weeks and I have not had a repeat of the the blacking out to the point of falling completely unconscious but I am still have the blackouts daily. Just to the point of stopping still for a few moments, bending over or grabbing shelving or my staircase.

As for the letter ..

THE DOCUMENTED MIND

The heart clearly on the sleeve.

Right at this moment as I type this, likely 24 hours before posting, I am inbetween appointments and I mean appointments on the same day.

I met with an assessor at Mind and spent most of it blowing her mind and having her punching the are with a much exhaled “Yes!”

We did not cover everything about me and that usually takes well in excess of two hours and we only had an hour and it was an initial assessment.

She spotted something about me physically.

She came to many realisations about me intellectually that amazed her and I always find it uplifting when people realise that.

To her horror she found out what had been done to me over and over again and in the different ways I was affected.

She reeled in what seemed like a combination of surprise and glee at what I have managed to do with a certain situation I was involved with documented much on here and over for some time and the blogs. She did not ask for the address, like the Doctor at North Middlesex Hospital did, so her punching the air was something of a surprise.

Maybe I will get asked for it at a later date?

Maybe they already knew of my blog and had wondered if it was me and why she punched the air?

Hmm that would be very cool.

I do not exactly hide my real name on-line … tooo many sad and bad people do that and gives off the wrong signals. I do however, have an on-line nickname and … well … that is pretty much obvious what it is. Lol.

Nearly forgot my rent, yes I finally have it, and had to jump off a bus before it carried on its journey! Damned fibrofog is a pain in the arse.

Did a bit of a hobbled journey home that has buggered my legs and feet and made me feel 80 once again. I did this to switch to my bike for the remainder of the day and to get to my second appointment.

I cannot help but think of the times my life has been documented. I am sure that there will be more times over the coming weeks? There may be more in the coming days arranged before even the end of today?

In fact I am even sure a report is being made about me to be passed on? Judging from something the assessor said to me.

In times on many occasions my mind has been documented. Each of those times they were many things not known.

I feel so tired.

Almost always so tired.

Journeys I make and places I go. Each time looking for answers. Each time like an outstretched arm from the darkness. Hoping for someone with a light.

Fast forward me suddenly waking up wondering where I am and realising I have a little over half an hour to get to my second appointment, that was actually scheduled for ten minutes earlier than the time I had I my head and I am back home.

“I hear you have been to A&E?” I am asked by the GP.

“My God, they work fast! I was not even they told GP's anything.” I answered. I have never been to hospital in my life and then have a GP mention that I had been to one. Ever.

I had made the appointment to ask about the Diverticulitis Colonoscopy which I am told yet again has actually been referred. I did think he had said this last time I asked him a month or likely two months ago. My memory, you see? He did the fingers in the waste and asking you to cough, thing, where he has something hit his fingers which should not happen apparently. I get a popping there rather like a hernia, though in my right waist I am not familiar with any hernias that occur there and I pretty much thought I was familiar with every type of hernia. I have two and have had one repaired, you see?

I did tell him I had been to Mind earlier that day and when he asked how it went I said I think I blew her mind?

I had told him that I had been having troubles for sometime but am so fiercely independent and I might mention it but I never push hard for it. Help, that is. I did, after all, mention to him that I needed help and he suggested I speak to Citizen's Advice. I now remember that we spoke about that at Mind and they said “Why would you talk to Citizen's Advice about that?” with a confused look and grin and I said “I know, right?” before I then said “Well they will just do about anything to save money or stick to what they have been told to do by the NHS, corruption and all that” and she said something about how terrible it is in the UK.

Blimey. It is only Thursday and from last Saturday onwards I have had one, very good, nurse, one, also very good, Doctor and now a Mind assessor all state about how bad things are in the UK?!

Blimey! Maybe the message is getting through and it IS sinking in?

Wonders never cease!

AS strange as it may sound … hearing these three people say these things has actually had a positive effect on me, without me realising to begin with.

I think part of my problem within the annals of my mind is knowing the truth but thinking that I am so utterly alone and feel cast adrift on a vast ocean and feel the only one.

I was asked if I was getting any counselling and I said that I was but I was told I would have a bit of a wait. I do not know whether that was a kid of do not expect something imminent and would be a couple of weeks or another six weeks like I waited for the assessment?

As well as the DWP now asking me for a second assessment in just a few months, despite the fact that there is now going to be a court hearing, I have had a phone-call from the DWP to say they are sorry but they seem to have lost my claim for ESA.

Remember this is with me doing everything I can and even getting advice from the Citizen's Advice Bureau. So no doubt in around a months time I will have my Personal Independent Payments stopped and there is a race to see if the ESA will pay me money before that takes place?!

Hmm … did I mention the GP? Looking surprised at the fact I have already had an MRI and the results coming through in as little as two weeks?

God, I am tired.

Surely life is not meant to be this bad or hurt this much?

My life currently is an absolute polar opposite to what I thought it would be this time last year. With everything that took place last year I thought I would be riding it high during 2016 and that whatever time I had left in this world would be a damn site easier. But no.

Oh and would you look at that? I have just right now had the court date come through the door and it is about the same time that I will lose my PIPs, or shortly after the court appearance.

You know I took one look at the letter and the court date and I just got this really unnerving feeling and a thought crossed my mind. I hope it was just nerves but I thought 'They are corrupt too, I am going to get screwed'.

Perhaps it was the rapid date and the lack of any mention of their previous serious error in stating I was losing my PIPs before I even received a letter for the assessment of PIPs? The fact that the court date will occur before I have even had my ESA application processed is something of a concern too.

I am getting stress out right now as I have been looking for the letter of the assessment request by PIPs to attach on this post but cannot find it.

Oh, turns out I already scanned it.

Oh well, looks like I will finally get my wish to see of the courts are up to no good too, well at least this … small tribunal? But one small court being guilty brings the rest of them into question, right?

God, I cannot keep track of all this!

One thing at a time, Martin. Neurophysiologist next and it is probably curtains for me anyway judging how bloody rapidly the NHS have been moving over my symptoms and head MRI?

Part of me still hoping that something terminal is found to force all this to be over. May sound extreme but it has literally gotten like that and my recent anxiety attacks along with their intensity has made me realise this will just keep on repeating until I find a way out of it.

Unfortunately my books and the blogs were supposed to be a way out of all this, with the help of a little court case that was supposed to end at the end of 2015, but it seems that was not to be.

WHEN YOUR END MIGHT BE NIGH

Well I have been relieved of my responsibilities ... as of last night and two days later than I had first thought.

My friend returns from his five and a half week long holiday around 4pm today.

There is a lot he does not know. Like my rent has yet to be paid and assessed and that the appointments over my seizures and blackouts are so imminent it will blow him away. Two appointments would have been completed within two weeks leaving a final one next February. I think it was next February.

Though it remains to be seen for obvious reasons whether or not this February appointment gets moved forwards. I suspect if it is anything dangerous, ,like the brain tumour possibility, it will be brought forward. If it is Narcolepsy I am not so sure as I am not so sure if there are any dangers associated with Narcolepsy? I mean I do not know if you can just fall asleep walking across a road? I for one have certainly never heard of that but the way some symptoms are described you do wonder. I have not even had it force me to fall asleep even while talking with someone. Not that I talk to many people, you understand?

So I have been sitting on these letters for about a week.

I really have found little time to do many things I normally like to do for the past five weeks and I had a hard enough time finding the time previously. Along with remembering to do things or cover subject matters in posts.

I dread to think how many posts never got made from the outset? A lot, that is for certain.

I am only doing this now because I have only just now photocopied the scan appointment letters because I have to send copies off to people. One is the court that will be hearing my case against the DWP and the NHS will be mentioned too.

So at the moment what I am trying to do is that along with the Fibromyalgia and knee symptoms I am trying to show that I have indeed been having the blackouts and the seizure I mentioned and that this might not be good news.

So even if they do want to act inhumanely and make me homeless they may well decide to put of this act of inhumanity until I know for sure what it is that is afflicting me?!

After all who wants to be a homeless bum while dying of a brain tumour? Hmm I wonder if voluntary euthanasia might finally be available to me?!

I have told the court that the idea of voluntary euthanasia is a far more appealing prospect than life in the UK the way that it has been for me the last twenty years.

In fact i even mentioned that my sole distraction currently is watching documentaries on astronomy along with quantum mechanics and quantum entanglement on YouTube, I kid you not!

Even right now I go back to being bored but the anxiety attacks seem to be subdued to a level that is manageable for now and hopefully the weather stays good, sunny and fairly cool and I might actually finally get out with my cameras over the next week?! Fingers crossed. After all I might not get to do much more of that a month from now?! Fingers crossed it wont end up that way?

Anyhoo ..

Here are the medical appointment letters for an imminent MRI at Chase Farm Hospital and another almost imminent appointment at Royal Free Hospital for ... something or other Both appointments are to do with the seizures and blackouts. Also as I stated before it turns out that these appointments are made for a couple of weeks, if thought to be urgent, or eighteen weeks if not. Mine are obviously of the former and not the latter. Strange to put that on the backs of the letter without actually telling me what they think it might be.

Now to me this would make people think it must be the worst case scenario, if they make appointments so soon but have failed to tell you anything at all. Don't you think?

A DAY OF HOPE

Well I call it a day of help but I have this terrible nagging in the back of my mind that continues to be negative.

Today is the day when things could change back around in my favour and I hope it will do so because it could, should, mean the end of the anxiety. Except for that nagging in the back of my mind I have had the last couple of weeks.

It could turn out to be a blessing in the oddest of disguises.

If things go very well and they would have to go very well, it should give me a massive boost that should propel me. I am already thinking that if my feelings get a lot better from a good day then hopefully I will be back on my drive to get out with my two new cameras to get lots of content for my other blogs and my YouTube channel.

Except I see raindrops for the first time in weeks and the weather seem to say we were going to have a couple of rainy days. Still, I am thankful for the cooler temperatures as it was only compounding everything. But it might take a couple of days for the thoughts and feelings to get back to normal anyway and for the anxiety to go completely, I just do not know.

Of course this is all replying on the fact that I get the first actual help after asking for the umpteenth time and over a ten year period.

I have lived here for 9 years and for a couple of years before I lived here I had asked for help for similar things. I would wager heavily that I have made over 200 approaches for help in thirteen of fourteen years and there have been times even before that I have requested help.

Going on ratios when it comes to receiving help from anyone I have had zero percent and when I have helped myself it has been a poor success rate of probably less than fifty percent, though in the recent past this has improved somewhat.

There ave been five legal challenges against me and every one of them has failed so you would think that this time I should be full of confidence? But I wasn't, got struck by the dreaded anxiety and no one was more surprised than I was.

One way or another I need to actually do something about this condition of mine because it is clear it is not going to go away. Mind you that could all become academic after next month depending on the outcome of the hospital thing. I might not have long to live or might be epileptic and even if it turns out to be the latter it could stop my cycling. That would not be good to live with, let me tell you as I basically survive on cycling during the warmer months when I cannot travel by bus or train.

Ooh my first cup of tea in many days.

Just been looking up what other causes could be behind my seizure and blackouts and I had seen various types I had never heard of and a couple of no-epileptic seizures called PNES and NEAD where the 'NE' stands for Non-Epileptic.

I do no know about either of these but my money is on me NOT being epileptic because of when it is tat they occur. It is always from rising and until lately where I was just standing upright from leaning forward a few times have always been from crouching or a sitting position and standing up. It is not spontaneous or random. Almost always occurs from around midday until around 5pm for he most concentrated occurrences. Indeed this is why the GP thought it was Postural Hypotension but they were so strong and I was on the verge of collapsing so many times that I had my doubts about that. Though I never thought of looking up if Postural Hypotension can actually do that ..

Te worry for me is that the fatigue and lack of drive had been kicking in long before the trouble with the DWP started brewing. It was something I had planned to bring up with the GP, despite him having only just become a GP, when the anxiety struck.

I have my list of 7, or might be 8 now, reports printed out and stapled together where they need to be sitting beside me.

I will take all of the reports with me and see what they are interested in keeping a hold of. The reports are for a variety of people I will be seeing over the next four to six weeks. As stated before my memory has been bad a very long time and slowly getting worse. SO I cannot always think of things which as probably screwed up a lot of meetings and appointments if I am honest. It has been amazing how many people do not take this into account. Including friends.

Damn! I just remembered my old phone. I forgot to charge it last night, remembered this morning and then forgot about it again, really that is how it goes, and after being awake for over 3 hours remembered it about 20 minutes ago and then forgot again. I just turned to look at where it is meant to be charging and was not there. So the whole time I have been typing this out, every ten or twenty minutes or so, I had not remembered it once. I forgot to charge my new phone too but that takes only about 20 minutes to charge fully, often less as it is still always 50% to 90% charged from the day before. Without using, my old Moto G runs out almost completely, or does in the middle of the night, and seems to take 2 to 3 hours of charging to get to full. Still I only need enough battery power for the phone to stay in standby for around 5 hours. Or in other words, until I get home.

Really it is mainly because of one phone-call that never seems to come though others might not have my new number as I may ave forgotten to give everyone it. Oh like my landlord! I must do that!

Having serious issues with my 'H' key among others. Keeps missing keystrokes and I seem to get letters in spellings the wrong way around. Been happening for some months and is somewhat … worrying what with the other symptoms pointing towards a possible brain tumour, lol. But that is something that will be looked at in two weeks time. Well .. a little less than two weeks and I have a report for that! Lol.

Will NEVER buy another keyboard from PC World.

Sometimes when you have too much time to kill before an important meeting or appointment in can be a pain in the arse. Been debating whether to go to it by bike or bus but I do not want the bike getting stolen, it is a somewhat higher crime area than that where in live by several levels, lol. I thought about visiting some friends beforehand but would be too much. I have been on the bike for three days solid so hopefully the being on foot should not be too bad. Fingers crossed.

I think that may what has been diminishing my drive, at least partly? Lately even the shorter distances I do ave seemed like a ten mile hike for each and every one of them. I think about shopping and then think about the journey to my nearest Sainsburys and I think 'Ugh!' It is why I got my old bike out as I am simply not doing things and going places, not that I have a lot to do and I stopped window shopping 6 months ago when a line of communication became cut off. As I have said many times, weather been crap and I ave been .. apprehensive of even doing my work at closer distances since that full on seizure. The thought of damaging the new cameras does not help either! I am hoping for a pill that will result from the hospital appointment that I can take around midday which will stop any blackouts or seizures from occurring? I hope and pray.

Of all the lists of things one would have to hope for and worry about mine are .. starving to death, being made homeless, becoming unable to walk and dying from a brain tumour in that order. Though if the first three start to look likely or even become fact the last would be a blessing.

Hmm August and September this year, 2016, already look to be the most two bizarre consecutive months of my entire life?!

If you had not worked it out, or more likely had it long before you read this, I have a meeting with Citizen's Advice today. Whether this will lead to any more meetings I do not know but I also ave a Neurology appointment in a couple of weeks. Then another meeting of Minds in early September and whether anything else, oh crap local council .. must do that tomorrow, will occur I do not know.

TOO MUCH TO FEAR

Oh .. my .. God What the hell is going on?!

OK that was too weird .. and too scary. I was first going to title this 'Too Much To Scary' but thought it sounded wimpish, lol, even though it is not me … per se.

Right then I got out on the bike after an extreme effort. But stopped by the main road to collect my thoughts. Visited my local shop for a can of Monster and a Twirl. Walked along with my bike and noticed my arms were doing that tingling thing.

Fuck! Just had almost total seizure annd just remember milk was not in fridge and was about to seize as the fridge door was closing and I bent forward and down and just about caught it Not before everything went black and that warm tingling electrical like fuzzy feeling I get when I have these blackouts.

Jesus this is turning out to be a hell of a day!

I GOT MILK! Hmm did I already type that? Memory gone blank .. oh yes I did, lol.

Well it is Tuesday and first time I had milk in the house since last …. umm Tuesday … at the earliest. I certainly had none on Thursday … oh wait and I told a friend I had, had no milk for three days … so last Monday. Eight days. Groan

So I did get a little bit of food … forgot to get couple those cheap bag of doughnuts … what? There is no way I can cook right now and they are damned cheap. I forgot them anyway and was one of three things I wanted. The other being Sarsaparilla, a dilutable drink if you never heard of it.

Anyway forget that, I digress.

I was walking along with my bike and my can of drink when I was feeling this tingling in my arms and then I was getting these hot flushing feelings except it was not hot and felt cold. I had already had some anxiety before I left the house. But I had gotten a couple hundred yards when this occurred and I though 'o shit, what's this?' Then I stopped and grabbed a metal fence along the main road by a Pelican crossing. Then I felt my left thigh go weak.

But I am out with my damn bike!

Panic mode!

How the f***uuu***ck does this anxiety bloody work and how does it just affect the leg thing, I was not even thinking about anything. Trying to focus about being out, the breeze and the noise … which turned into a low din just before the tingling started or around the same time, I cannot recall exactly.

Sometimes it comes on when you think about something … even something mundane you need to do it can just go boom. It goes off like Krakatoa if I think of the mainstream stress causing problem and sometimes it just goes off on its own.

I remembered when I felt like this years ago and you reach out for help and the so called experts tell you to 'not think about it' err you effing have to jerk off, 'do something constructive' that is stupid almost impossible and now with the thigh muscles shutting down … or read this book on CBT it is the cure of all evils and when nothing works they get frustrated and even sarcastic as they then feel useless But I thought about all the people that must have gone before me and been frustrated by all this. You want a pill and all you get is what they believe to be and act like are magic words. Then your told to come back in 28 days?!

'What the f***uu**ck? I cannot take 2 more days and your telling me to fuck off for 28?!' is what went through my mind in the past and I dare say has been through many others?

I can imagine people reading this thinking 'I feel you man, I feeel you!' I feel you to.

It is probably about to all happen again over the next eight weeks and this time things are going to go a little differently. Because I know what does and does not work, I know where it is coming from, what causes it and have names for them all. This time they cannot fob me off because I have no diagnosis .. I know!

No magic words just pills or the source of the stress needs to be dealt with and despite all that people think I can do and all that I know I have limits and now I know that the anxiety just comes and shuts everything down.

There is nothing you can do to prevent it when it comes out of the blue like that and no simple off switch.

Amazes me that Doctors never stop and consider for one second that patients could have tried a whole load of things before going to see them? Maybe even buying various pills and things from their local chemist? Nope, they act like you just got it that morning you made the appointment for the first time.

Oh dear … I have gone off at a tandem there.

I reached a bin with my bike to throw the chocolate wrapper away and finish my drink and throw that way too. Yeah like never stealing, cheating or doing people over I do not even throw litter on the floor. Dead against it and hate seeing it.

I splayed my legs out a bit and leant against my bike for support as it was obvious I was losing the use of my thighs for the third time now. I held onto the metal guard fence and got on my bike, wondering whether or not I would end up on my arse. I really do not need another accident with everything else that is going on. But been in some bad ones, that bought all this on in the first place, and falling off a bike not that big a deal. I was laughing the last time I did it. A lady in a car next to me wound down her passenger said window and said “Oh God, are you alright?!” to which I said yes as I was laughing. It was the first time I had used clipless (odd name as you clip in) pedals and I undid the wrong foot and when I stopped went the other way, lol.

When I pulled away on the bike I took it slow as I did not know how the things were going to be with cycling. Not great but they did it and I cycled very, very slowly down to Sainsburys. I was lucky as it felt like the left thigh was more affected than the right. So when I did get to Sainsburys after nearly turning around and going home a couple of time, I used my walking stick on my right side. Yup if I use a bike to go shopping anywhere the stick folds up and goes in my backpack.

Lucky I did not forget it! Otherwise I would have had to return home with no shopping for the eighth day in a row!

Jesus how are you supposed to focus and think about anything when you have so many things that can go on all at the same time?! If feels like your heads going to explode and with the anxiety implode at the same time?!

I am listening to another radio show that has been sent to me about … umm let me look, ah I thought it was Bigfoot and it is, it is called the Sasquatch Chronicles. Thought it might have been the Paracas Skulls again, or rather a different one. Still trying to get to listen to the first one he gave me all the way through. Started it tree times and ended up falling asleep so I downloaded the thing.

It is weird as I like listening to these and it seems to take my mind off the threats of impending doom. Over half my living allowance taken away and a court case to get it back, the possibility of being mmade homeless again and a neurology appointment because I am having seizures, or at least I have had one lasting ten minutes and have come close to others probably a couple of dozen times and other mild blackouts. Well, medium blackouts.

Maybe it is because I like mysterious things like this, aliens and things like that or I just have something interesting to talk to when I visit the shop. My interaction has been a bit lax of late and I have not been out on my photography and filming runs on my mountain bike, sadly.

To say it has not been good of late is something way beyond an understatement and I mean if the three things I mentioned of impending doom are not enough that even if it turns out I do not have a tumour there is still the things vexing me, the full on seizures and then added to this is the fact that I ave lost the use of my legs three times now.. Something that upon research is caused by very strong anxiety I have experienced of late which itself is caused by my Fibromyalgia. This can become permanent too and is known as a silly name called 'rubber legs'.

So a whole damned list of symptoms some that might be something killing me and another that might make me unable to walk the rests of my life and that is I do not become homeless. LMAO.

It is often said about me that you simply cannot make the stuff up I end up going through …. nothing for ages and then all hell breaks loose.

Funny too that I listen to these sows about Bigfoot and I think about whether it is real or not and while tehre are certainly a lot of people faking this and probably making money from it, there are compelling stories too.

I also find it funny that if it was all bullshit, along with other subject areas they claim about, then it is hilarious that people have made money out of bullshit and lies and I have done nothing but tell the truth and as yet not made a penny, lmao.

I have had it said from time to time you do not get anywhere by being honest and that is my problem and my friend Ken, who I helped while he slowly died of kidney cancer. Always said I was born a 100 to a 1,000 years too soon. The world is not right for me. Lol.

Nice to know that someone I met thought the future was a bright one, as not many do.

That show I said I was listening to right now? Well I just had a guy being interviewed whose searching for things like Bigfoot and Yeti, has not found anything and makes a great deal of sense and sounds like me when talking about others that bullshit and fake. He also mirrors what I have said about people that insist they are right and cannot admit being wrong.

Oddly although the show and interviewer is American the guy being interviewed is British, lol. Ah I just checked and his name, the Brit, is Adam Davies and is listed as one of the world's foremost Cryptozoologists. Someone that looks for new species at the slightly weird end of the subject, or at least I only hear of Cryptozoology when it is normally Bigfoot, Yeti, Dogman which sounds a bit too bizarre as these sound more like Werewolves.

He mentions about the attitudes of others around 45 minutes to 50 minutes in...

https://sasquatchchronicles.com/scep238-strange-lights-and-strange-creatures/

You just know listening to it he is talking about an attitude that is extremely common on YouTube in the comments where people start to argue about who is right. He states that this attitude is stupid because on either side you cannot prove that you are right and tat continuing to argue or even shout about it is not going to make a blind bit of difference to what the truth is.

Hmm, I like that guy.

This attitude is not confined to Bigfoot, oh no. I see it in video gaming and I see it in computer hardware in the comments section and is one very major reason why I rarely comment. Let us just say you would be hard pressed to find my comments. All one or two of them … ooh I do not remember how many I made even if it is in single figures. Unless half-wits that tink themselves superior say something on my YouTube comments … then I tend to put them in their place … or YAWN and then put them in their place.

Like this guy says … if your not quick witted and need time to mull things over do not react in a knee-jerk fashion as your opening yourselves up to attack. But give people a video games machine or they build a PC and get access to the Internet and suddenly there are experts on everything and everyone else is a dumb-arse. Lol.

Let us gibe an example …. the Dogman things souds as stupid as hell and sounds like an obvious set of hoaxes. I cannot say that they all are hoaxes or that Dogman does not exist … because I do not know and nor can I prove it.

Oh God, and do not even get me started on the religious fruitcakes. Or I should say the religious ones that also happen to be fruitcakes, or fruit loops, lol.

THE ROAD TO EUPHORIA

I am not sure what is happening to me or what to do about it.

Today I had one of those afternoons where I am in effect, high. As in 'high as a kite', intoxicate or stoned!

I had been out to pick up something and just have a quick scan around at phones in these gadget shops as well as phone shops. Need to replace my phone, have one in mind and I seem to find it's sister phones, it little brothers but not the one I want. Which is a Motorola Moto X Style. Did want the Moto X Force but then found it is not entirely waterproof as it seems to suggest kn adverts.

I have had a great many Motorola phones and going backwards a Moto G, Motorola Atrix ( do ... NOT get me started on that phone), Motorola Defy and some odd other models going back the the StarTacs.

I have had others too.

Looked in half a dozen places over the last couple days and not found the one I want but not in a position to buy just yet so just looking. Idea being if I found one I would put down half the money.

There is one I have thought about getting in my local Game Store but it is a previous, 2nd, generation model and no SD Card reader. Only 16GB too. I have a 8GB Moto G and I would never have a phone with low memory ever again. Do not get me wrong the phone has been great for the money but you are just so limited with what you can do and install on the phone. You can forget music.

Anyhoo I had to pick up some things from a friends shop but when I got home I was a little out of it so I waited it out a couple of hours. Instead I felt sleepy so I went out as I did not want to go out tomorrow. As I was walking along I suddenly noticed I was walking along normally, which is rare as I normally limp, and my pains had died down. I suspected I was having one of these weird afternoons I have had recently where this does happen but then I end up feeling a little ... 'high' and I mean ... STONED 'high'. Like you have had a weak spliff, or cannabis.

As I was walking I started to feel it coming on and to my shock I continued on even higher and I even started getting the 'munchies'. If you do not know you get these cravings to eat when your stoned on cannabis. It is very weird and very enjoyable, even a little euphoric at times.

I was nearing a local shop and all I could think about was drinking and sugary things and when I went in I bought a can of Monster Ripper, I normally go for the green standard one, a carton of Orange Juice and a Snickers Duo along with chocolate raisins, strawberry pencils and some fizzy blue bottle ... things. Oh I recall the packet saying 'Bubblegum Flavour'.

I felt like Francine Smith in an episode of American Dad where she lets Jeff, Hayley's husband, smoke cannabis which he gets on prescription for his very over active libido. She gets stoned with him when she gives in, catching him ... well, pulling it several times, and downs a bottle of orange drink of something or other. Cannot recall what she called the drink, lol.

I downed everything as I was walking along and carried on getting higher and just wanted to stop walking and sit down. It was mad ... I kept thinking about just sitting on the floor or a wall and before long I did!

I eventually moved along but sat down again. Eventually moved along and then sat down yet again. I sat down around four times over a distance of about 100 metres. It was mad.

I get to my friend's shop around 4pm and I was very lucky as he was closing early, had to pick up his daughter from somewhere or other I think he said.

I had consumed everything by the time I reached him, grabbed what I needed, paid him and left.

Around another 200 metres later I started feeling like I was coming down but still remained light headed. I recall wondering if it was like some type of diabetes thing and that the sugar or perhaps something else, like caffeine, had brought me back up?

If I am in when this happens I wake up in the dark wondering what happened and most of the time do not recall falling asleep.

This is when I would get one of the major fits, or grand mal if that what it was. I always feel light headed first and it is always in the afternoons and early evenings ... it is very weird and you could set your watch to it.

About 1pm in the afternoon is when it would start and around 4pm is when it is at its strongest.

Now I have been ordered to go to A&E if I was to have another full blown fit and am also awaiting a hospital appointment letter, along with a colonoscopy letter too.

I had considered going to the hospital, bad time of the day for me and public transport, as the feeling might give the positive results needed to any tests done on me at the hospital. But then again they may not do and I may waste my time.

I deliberate over it and I still needed some things for home, like milk I have tried to remember buying for three days, and decided not to go to hospital. Me travelling on packed trains and buses is an absolute no-no and this is me being both cautious and responsible. I have one other problem with travelling on buses, less so trains except tube trains, and this is when it is hot.

I do not handle the heat well ... I really, really hate it and have done for years and often think about living in the antarctic! Or Siberia!

I will experience increasing pain if I am forced to stand still for more than a few minutes and with that I get short tempered and someone rude will be knocked unconscious in the blink of an eye. That is me being ... RESPONSIBLE!

That is only the feet pain and not being able to handle heat.

There are a great many other things in things in my pain list and there is also a separate list for embarrassing things that could occur that often stresses me out no end.

Then there is the blacking out and now these seizures. It is just too much and if not for these things I would have had a job and actually something to do and get me out of this damned house, long, long ago!

It is funny as this feeling I get is quite weird and edges closer and closer to euphoria until your completely feeling euphoric. A great many people would pay good money to feel like this but when it happens when it feels like it at some point in the afternoon and you live on your own it is becoming a major bug-bare. Things are hard enough as they are without this screwing things up.

So there I was walking down this road and heading straight for Euphoria.

I do not know if it just something else developing and you have to understand that with 120 symptoms there is always something knew developing every now and then. Or perhaps it is a drug I have recently been prescribed or an interaction between this new drug, Methocarbamol, and something else.

• Methocarbamol 2x 750mg
• Metoclopramide (cannot be bothered to look lol)
• Lansoprazole 30mg
• Quinine Sulphate (50mg?)
• Ramipril 10mg
• Amitriptyline 30mg
• Gabapentin 500mg
• Atrovastatin
• Tramadol

Hmm now that I am typing that out ... I remember getting to 900mg daily of Gabapentin and it making me ill and nauseous during the afternoons?

Maybe that taking it for long periods the same thing happens? Just takes longer?

That is how I got into a row with a GP that led me to discover they knew I had Fibromyalgia two years before I self-diagnosed it.

As I told a Jehovah's Witness recently who gets Pregabalin ... they refused to give it to me several times and the first time I asked was because Gabapentin was a horrid drug, cheap crap and makes not only me ill but everyone I have spoken to that ever took it except for one single guy. Oddly this guy that took it amazed me because he was taking 2700mg, two thousand seven hundred, daily without issues and did not understand why so many people had real problems with it. Most I have read about had issues long before reaching 1000mg per day.

I am going to drop the dose of Gabapentin and see what happens?

I just realised something else ... if it is the Gabapentin then it is this drug that caused an increase in my seizures to the point of passing out completely for ten minutes?! It simply has to be.

They knew I had a Hypertension problem along with a postural hypotension problem. So I have to risk dying now because the drugs I need are not allowed or too expensive for someone like me as I am seen as worthless? Nice! 

LMAO!

THE STRANGER THAN STRANGE

I still was suffering with this flu but was feeling better with no headache. So I decided to get out on my bike with two cameras.

Didn't get an aquatic situation to film no matter how many times I looked. Oh well maybe next time. At least I was out with cameras, did get a few things and the weather was supposed to return to crap levels in the week. Or at least less sunshine.

Got a few orchids and a strange ladybird. Have to upload the video to my YouTube channel at some point.

Bumped into a couple of older gentlemen and fit into conversations. The first lasted about thirty minutes, he wanted to know the name of species of tree that was responsible for the fluff floating around. I didn't know and suggested a plant but he insisted they were from trees.

Later I realised they were from bulrushes and couldn't believe I didn't remember that.

The second gentleman I bumped into at another orchid site and that conversation went on for over an hour, maybe two?

They conversation got extremely interesting. He was around sixty five or so and not only had a degree but a PhD. He even mention a Nobel Prize award and I told him I was impressed.

Him divulging that came quite late in the conversion and once again what started off explaining about the orchids and showing him his to spot them even when not in flower to my blogs.

He mentioned public services were corrupt, told me a story I can't recall quite now and I looked at him with a grin. He then told me he was sure that this corruption and lying of the public services and bureaucrats was far more widespread than he thought but had never seen any proof or any exposing going on in the media.

My grin grew wider and he looked quizzically at me.

I then told him that not only was he absolutely correct in his assumption but that it had been exposed in a way and told him so about my data, evidence and corruption blog.

His eyes went wide and he listened intently as I explained over half a dozen stories and the proof I got. I then told him how the data had grown beyond 100GB.

I explained how the corruption worked by just needing to corrupt the NHS and this would save them tens of millions each year and also save money for the local councils and the Department of Work and Pensions.

I explained how I caught them and received £4,500 into my account except that the figure they owed was actually £45,000.

We then exchanged anecdotes in turn.

I asked him where he studied and he said he attended Sheffield University and somewhere in Salford.

I had now been out several hours and could feel I was pretty dehydrated.

Fifteen to twenty minutes from home my mother called me and asked where I was. Turned out she had come up to help do some pruning in my garden.

That was the second call today to meet me and I sighed as I keep telling everyone that on a sunny Monday you simply will not find me at home. Quiet days in the week that are sunny and especially with no wind I'll be out with cameras. Even if I'm a little ill.

I got home and they had already done some pruning.

I was out of it.

I was also wondering why I had blacked out so many times while I was out? It was mad. Every time I had got down to take photos or videos I went nauseous and started to black out and each time I had to get back down on the ground.

It also happened in front of one elderly couple who stopped to ask me what I was filming. I got up to tell them that it was a ladybird that was completely black with two large red blotches..

..woooooaaaa!

I told them it was OK I was just having some sort of mild fit.

Also happened in front of the second gentleman I got into a conversation with. I told him I was having some sort of seizure. Might be why we got talking in the first place? Simply can't remember right now.

I decided it must be because I was dehydrated and after getting home opened my door and headed straight to the shops. I had no milk either to make them cups of tea.

I downed 500ml can of Monster.

Had a few more woozy moments but eventually it stopped.

I did some looping of the branches and eventually they left.

I headed out to get some fried chicken for dinner and was walking along with a slight pain in my right foot when I heard the sound of a car horn.

I looked up and saw a soft top black Audi and the driver leaning out, looking straight at me and waving.

I smiled waved bank and in my head said with a silent 'H’ 'heeeeeeeeeeey’ and then I had my second thought …

‘Who … the … fuck … is … that?!’

At first I just thought it was someone who was a customer in a friends shop or someone I'd got into a conversation with in a vape store?

Nope! Never seen this guy's face before.

I was having another one of those times I've had many times recently where I get tooted at.

I've had days where I've heard half a dozen car horns being tooted as they went by.

I wondered once again if I was being recognised from my … on-line presence or my blog?

Two problems with this. First off I quite deliberately don't put photos of myself online and nor will you see my face in my YouTube videos … ermm I think.

That's one problem. The other? Well I kind of decided to grow a beard and have not shaved in weeks. I've had jibes about how I look like my father.

It's pretty bushy, lol.

They leaves just my eyes and no way they were recognised from 20 metres away from inside a car!

I suppose that it's possible an entire gay community had moved to Enfield and they are all very outspoken? Lol!

I dunno. Very weird.

I've lived here nearly nine years. I've never had vast horns toot add they go by and had strangers waving at me. This year it's happened in excess of a couple of dozen times!

Like I said, weird.

Tomorrow, hopefully these sniffles will go and the pressure in my ears too?

Seen to have many strange days like this. Meet someone who was a Nobel Prize winner and some stranger hanging out his car window waving and shouting ‘hello’ and a few dozen black outs.

The stranger of all the strange.