THE LIVING HELLS

I await .. nervously.

I often wonder how much the living body and mind can take when under consistent pressure?

How intense does it have to be?

How long does it have to go on for?

Obviously the answers are different from person to person.

The effects will vary wildly too.

I watch people drunk as skunks talking to themselves, butterflies or yelling at others.

I see and smell weed from others.

Some might hurt others.

Some might get destructive.

Some might self-harm.

Some may take their own lives.

But at the end of the day the source of all this is the same. Some source of pain. An inability to cope with something.

Others are just unhappy .. rowing with others online in places like Twitter. Over Donald Trump. Over Theresa May. Over Jeremy Corbyn. Over right and left, Socialism and conservatism and good versus evil and even Tommy Robinson and paedophilia in Hollywood. Often I see these get preoccupied with this to see sine real horrors going on. Others I wonder if they concentrate on what tending to get more clicks?

I've watched the news suppress information and other times twist it around.

Tin-foil hat conspiracy theories seem to leak out of every crevice these days. The last one I heard about was a fire in America in a place in California called Carr. Pictures of a what looked like a laser beam coming from space and a house that looked like it was clean cut in half.

Pressures seem to have been continually piled upon people for years. Bills getting higher and homes becoming impossible to afford. Weird and troubling claims regarding those that are rich or famous defended only by those afflicted with blind fanboyism and showing no morals at the time.

I think people are both confused and scared?

They don't understand what's happening and looking for answers .. anywhere.

Because the mainstream news media are not providing them with any and are not trusted anymore.

There are two single things that, each of which, the public should feel they can trust. Once the trust dissipates from these two things you have a growing and unavoidable problem. You might ignore it for awhile but it is a coming.

Doctors and the news media.

The two things that are supposed to be everybody's safety nets. Are today anything but and certainly true in the UK.

They have both consistently failed me in the UK for well over ten years. Along with all the public services.

Public services. Services to the public and they take our taxes. Except they are not services in anyway to the British public and haven't been for years.

My family is a dysfunctional mess because of it and most of them have horrific stories to tell. Whether they are working their arses off or not no one is happy and everyone has issues. They are still in denial about certain things going on and you can hear it in their voice and it's frustrating when they all have iPhones and laptops and can search for themselves.

Why?

Because the news media avoid stories and have been doing so for a very long time. Celebrity gossip is where they think it is at.

For me this was always a time bomb and I have maintained for years that the longer everybody ignores it the worst it will be. I also predicted that when enough realise it will really kick off.

But everyone else knew better.

Tommy Robinson and others like him probably did what they did scared that what had happened to other children will happen to theirs?

Brian Harvey may very well have done the same?

Except this happened to my child and repeatedly do for years. She had two children through it before she even turned 16.

I tried to get custody of her a long time ago and I tried to tell them that she will have a childhood from hell of they ignore me.

No investigation.

It was worse than even I imagined.

Over time I knew there was going to be a tipping point in British society.

I tried to tell people but no one listened.

I tried to tell the authorities but very little listened and even when they did .. they did nothing and lied about it.

I tried to tell the mainstream media and they ignored me. Every .. single .. one.

Funny then that they portray themselves all today as being the wise ones, know better than everyone else and tell if still that all will be OK?!

Yeah didn't see ask this coming though, did you?! Even though I warned you.

I talk with my daughter about all this and how scary it is. She believed them and that's how she got into her predicament in the first instance. With some encouragement from some very evil people.

No one involved was ever charged outside the original perpetrator who went to prison.

There were four of the same crime, one went to prison and rightly so while the other three got away with it, despite going to court.

There's a marked difference between the one that went to prison and the three that got away with it. It's obvious what that difference is. But this is for the same crime.

I'm not naive enough to believe that's the only story out there like that. And that's what's scaring the hell out of people.

But I do believe that combined we have the craziest sounding set of stories out there.

Which is why I knew for sure back in 2011 and 2012 we was being ignored.

I thought we might get ignored and sure enough we did.

Only we had to wait six years before the deceitful acts of the mainstream media to get out. Even though it now if we await to see if our lives can be saved?!

I was pleased to discover YouTuber after YouTuber talking about all this.

From the tapes of children to the lying mainstream media and the tricks and lies of government.

Sometimes it all actually feels quite close to the end and other times were not so sure.

Too many times we think we have spied the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Interesting for our hopes to be dashed once more.

I'm hoping that either today or one day soon we don't post the ultimate price for everyone else's ignorance?!

I'd also like to have the anxiety lifted from the two of us but even if we did I may still lose my daughter to her cancer or other health condition?!

I sit stunned at the thought of where we are.

I think of when I was a child around here and think of what I'd have thought had someone told me of my future. I would have thought them mad.

But here I am patiently waiting when bit wondering.

What to do and how long either of us will survive this constant flow of living hells?

And to think I've long thought our stories were the ones to bring the whole house of cards crashing down.

Everything everywhere all at once.

Workers within these organisations suddenly realising they were being used a pawns then thrown under the proverbial bus when caught.

That each of the actions everywhere .. combined were knowing used to commit the greatest of crimes ..

.. to the British people.

We still have to wait, survive and find a way to fight on.

My last post is somewhat telling as to why I feel the way that I do and why my daughter feels the way that she does.

I fear what the remainder of this day will bring?

When all this is done and the truth is out how many, I wonder, will prove to be complicit in all this?

A NEW ATTACK

Damn it.

Not, probably, what you think.

I'm going to lose my remaining belongings along with all my documents in a matter of weeks.

Just another thank you from the UK.

I am also aware of not one, or two .. three things going on with my daughter 250 miles away.

None of those things include her various health issues of cancer, Hypomagnesemia, Vitamin B deficiency, 'S' Protein Deficiency of her Fibromyalgia.

Nor do these things include the attacks on her by the authorities. The lack and removal of help so that she fails.

She's trying to speak to someone and I don't know the full story yet. At least ask that's been said was that someone was truly evil. Worse than she had previously known, it seems.

Someone she forced to rely on .. that's unreliable 80% of the time and my daughter gets into trouble for that when it's not her fault.

I don't know the full details of one of the three.

The last one? Well we know what the local council are trying to do. We just do not know how they are going to do it or whether they will succeed?!

And for the past hour .. I've been having a breakdown while in sitting in the park.

Another week when I thought I was going to get to speak to someone who could help me and another week where I'm refused.

They've emailed me with one single contact and they don't appear to be someone who can help. But I'll email them anyway.

Just sitting here wondering why I can't just have a heart attack and die?! Get it over with but then I'll leave my daughter truly alone to the truly evil country this place has become.

It's not fair!

I'm having to hold my first into the left side of my stomach because of the anxiety.

I've been waiting to hear what's been going on after the phonecall declaring that someone's been really evil.

But I'm also thinking of my belongings .. my documentation and the next payment to my storage bouncing like a rubber ball.

I contacted one about storing my boxes of documents but got turned down.

I've contacted someone else but likely to get turned down.

Why is it important?

Well other than mountains of letters from public services proving what I've said ..

They're are also letters that prove I lived in a house in Enfield for ten years.

Because I lived in a house for ten years but didn't get my deposit back and despite asking no reason given. Ten years.

I also spent four nights in a flat in Birkenhead and paid six months rent in cash and didn't get my deposit back on that either.

That's twice in under a year.

That's how you get treated by the British rush it seems?!

I sometimes wonder what in the hell I've been doing for the past six years? Especially when I feel like I do right now.

I'm anxious just sitting in the damn park!

Jesus .. who would want to live when life is like this?!

This is also why I'm so angry at politics and the way things are. The bitching and moaning I read about and hear about over things far less important than what my daughter and I have been through.

Several times I thought I could help my daughter, did for a bit then failed.

Several times I thought others were going to help my daughter and after months of waiting they didn't follow through.

Each time I thought she would succeed or I would succeed I thought at least if I died of know she was OK?

BUT NO!!

It's like the other day when a helicopter was buzzing around me in this park..

Now I know they want my daughter and I to just be .. well .. gone. Some have even thought, as have I, that I would be assassinated. Even from day one! But they wouldn't do it in broad daylight.

But I didn't flinch.

Unfortunately I didn't feel a pain in my chest. Mores the pity.

We are not prone to fantastical imaginations, despite the obvious mental health issues. There are many and ours involved stress, depression and above all else .. anxiety.

On top of everything else we have it makes things .. difficult .. impossibly and unbelievably hard.

I do not understand it, do not understand how our own minds and bodies can out up through this torture or how you are supposed to survive it. Even knowing how to get things done while like this is an endurance at the best of times and impossible at the worst.

We have both been losing weight and I get days where I do eat and days where I do not and this has been telling. My shorts are now fairly baggy on me and they were tight fitting to begin with.

Many years of this on and off and I always get the same result .. nowhere to turn to.

My daughter has vulnerable children and herself has all my issues health wise plus cancer and she is even finding out now that there is no one to turn to.

But we are a country littered with organisations claiming online and on TV to help people and beg ou for money so that they can act out their oh so caring ways.

Yeah .. well if someone actually knows one of these they might want to inform my daughter or me about them. Because we have both felt like we have contacted them all and gotten nowhere at all.

Several chances of death .. many areas of pain .. mental suffering .. suicidal thoughts .. four vulnerable children and cancer and no one can help?

Then who the FUCK do they help? That is what I want to know! Preferably before I do keel over for the very last time!

Add onto that, that I do not want to live in this country and what it has become. The pure evil tht exists and the absolute bare-faced lies it puts out in the media.

The news media are no better. The Internet is awash with suicides even by disabled people and likely mothers that have had their children taken away, I know I am worried about my own daughter in this regard, and even the health service killing people. Were talking about hundreds of thousands of people dead. From suicide through persecution, through neglect and through mistakes, though I maintain and will till I die these are deliberate. But they will talk and twist the truth about various protests and speeches and marches and all kinds of things to fir their politics and narratives.

They have made it plainly obvious that despite their own claims about right and wrong, peace and love that the news media also does not give a flying fuck about people's lives and more interested in what they want and what they believe.

Well why do you believe these things because it clearly has nothing to do with love or people's lives and you obviously do not care about that.

Rather overly focused on tears and hurt feelings.

But the tears and hurt feelings of others that have driven many to suicide barely, if at all, get a mention.

I say this in replies to tweets and I cannot state it without getting likes.

Just goes to show that today I am no longer on my own in knowing that the news media are lying bastards who are complicit in killing people and locking people up when there is no valid reason to.

It matters not to me whether I believe in someone's views or not. You do not get to twist the law to imprison someone because you do not agree with them.

You should also not be driving someone to death and mental torture because you do not agree with the fucking facts either!

Facts are facts.

What possibly would an intelligent alien race want to do with us when we distort the facts to suit our feelings and wants? None.

Want to know why we have had no answer from signals sent out to the depths of space? Well there is your answer!

Oh but of course they have already insisted that when you go to space everyone is just like them, in case anyone missed it.

The forcing of their warped views onto others has been nothing short of astonishing in recent years and something I will be still in disbelief of if and when I draw my very last breath.

THE TWO REVERENDS

It's funny really.

I've said it on here over and over again and I've started this to friends and family members over and over again. You have to think of some things as more than just numbers.

When my blogs and YouTube channel started attracting numbers in the hundreds and early thousands I asked myself an interesting question ..

What do these people do for a living?

As a result of this I thought that on time I'd get my first interesting contact ..

• Journalists
• Literary Agents
• Solicitors not happy with the UK, like John Cleese.
• Others like me.

Now to be fair and just in the first year or two I had a literary agent, who then didn't contact me about publishing anything. I also had like a ghost writer. Or someone that writes books about it people with unusual lives. They also didn't get in contact about doing anything.

But these were the early days. It felt good that as the numbers went up and within a year or two this appeared to be inevitable.

But three years on and I never got any more literary agents interested it following me. I never got any more ghost writers, if that's what they are called? I never got journalists or solicitors at all.

Of course I had no idea at the time how corrupted and biased mainstream media was back then. I knew there was something wrong .. just not how bad.

If I published a list of those I contacted it would literally look like everyone. They all got a set of four DVDs too. National and local, tabloid and TV. Nothing.

After the complete lack of response I realised two things ..

As well as being far more corrupted than even I realised they were akin to the old comedy about a news room, Drop The Dead Donkey. They didn't actually give a shit about people's suffering and dying.

I also realised it was totally pointless sending them anything else as I carried on gathering evidence.

The funny thing is though out of all those that have read my blog .. one is listed as a reverend and I might be about to gain a second?

For all I know there might be others?

I don't know the professions, jobs and careers of everyone that's ever visited my blogs.

In fact it's a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction. Something like 0.00001% at a guess?

I've seen a few of what people do who have followed me. On one blog.

It's also weird that something might be about to happen, though both my daughter and me have been here before. Many times. Hard to get excited or even feel calm and normal about anything at all, to be honest. Not any more.

It's also odd that it could be right now because I feel like I'm at the end, though the end of likely to be a month away, maybe two?

Well .. that is of course unless the heart plays up and does me in? Cardiac Arrest, Heart Attack, Sudden Death Syndrome and the extreme anxiety among many others make life unbearable on their own.

But I feel trapped. In more ways than one.

Trapped in this physical world and trapped in the hell I'm living in.

When Brian Harvey said he was basically trapped in his house I knew exactly how he felt.

I don't even have a house to be trapped in.

I have a 5ft8 by 8.5ft room. In other words, tiny. I also have someone close by that's difficult and compounds my issues no end. I normally ignore them but that's impossible to do all the time. I also get visits into my room.

I literally start having heart issues as soon as they are keeping on. You certainly cannot talk to them about this shit. Health or the politics it always goes one of two ways ..

Either disagree or turns out around to make everything about them. Yup .. even with everything I've talked about you would be forgiven for wondering what the hell they have to talk about over my shit. Feck all to be honest and explaining it would be embarrassing.

Light dizzy spells I've never witnessed and .. umm .. flu? Lol. Narcissism is out in orbit with this one, let me tell you.

So will anything occur? I don't know too be honest. If it does will it help my daughter and/or me? Much as I would like it to I doubt it very much.

But I'm always told to keep strong and keep in fighting. Like Brian Harvey I've been in this battle for twenty years. I just didn't realise it in the beginning when the first alarm bells started going off.

I've also always stated that to treat people this way and just leave them could not be more evil.

It would be far more humane to issue people with some sort of suicide pill or make voluntary euthanasia legal.

Because his it is right now is your ordered to remain while your also persecuted while they make everyone prejudiced against you. While, of course, they stand behind you with a metaphorical whip. Telling you what you can and cannot do, legally and physically. While they break all the rules, get paid for sitting on their arses while destroying people's lives. Some or many committing heinous crimes while they are at it.

I often think how today we are reaching a point where there is plenty of reason for a group to rise up in a revolution. I often think that upon hearing that starting might actually provide me with my only source of hope? Can't see it coming from anywhere else to be honest.

It's been an ingenious plan all this. A shame they wasn't so smart when it comes to saving the country?!

Maybe the ingenious plan to save the country and its people and children will come from somewhere unexpected?

Time will tell and I hope I'm around to witness that. Put a smile on my face to know those responsible for these terrible times and crimes works be ousted.

Personally if I am going to die I would rather die fighting for something I believe in than just lying down and giving in. Does not appear to be another way out at any rate.

The difficulty is no doubt they would label any rising as terrorists but that does not work any longer if enough people realise the truth.

They do not even need to know the whole truth .. just that is is going on everywhere and right across the UK. Once they know this I am sure things will be very different, one way or another?

It is literally the way I now see this going in the next few years. I cannot really see how it could lead anywhere else?

At first I was sceptical about this ever happening .. I thought it would have all turned around long before now? But it has not and it has gotten worse.

More and more things are leaking all the time, despite Sadiq Khan's policing of the Internet and Londoners complaining about the amount of street crimes ignored by the Police and how no one feels safe. That was some chat thing with James O'Brien on LBC Radio.

The LBC Event ..

As for the normally biased mainstream media and how the further left they are the worse they are, except when it is them of course ..

The Guardian did a strike on Bearing again .. as he does not sing to their narrative and he calls them out for BS .. is there not one tabloid or TV news out there that does not twist, omit things or completely ignore serious stories altogether?

It is truly a mad world we now find ourselves in and I still cannot shake that feeling that we are being quite deliberately distracted .. from something ..

THE SOUND OF DUCKS

I have been searching for sometime now on and off to discover why I might not be absorbing magnesium into my body. This was diagnosed three or four years ago, that I have a magnesium problem, and I have been getting signs that there is more to it but ignored this as I thought it was my memory issues.

The fact I have memory issues is even more of a reason as to why these things should have been checked out but instead was ignored by the NHS to save money!

In fact after a discussion with a friend of mine who suffers from Type 1 Diabetes he told me that in recent years he does not even bother seeing his Doctor because every time he ever complains about anything his response is always “Oh it is your Diabetes causing it” ..

There are so many things wrong with that crap and this attitude that I do not even know where to begin?!

As I said to my friend ..

“Fuck me, they can't say that! They are GENERAL Pratitioners and are not specialists and nor do they posses the x-ray vision I am always accusing them of thinking that they posses! This could and probably has caused many deaths and who the fuck is going to be around to check this and stop this?!”

They spent years forst getting my Fibromyalgia wrong, then realising that I had it and then started to lie to me and then when I realised that I had it then lied to prevent me from being diagnosed. The fucking moment that they did admit that I had it everything fucking else, just like my diabetic friend, always drew the response ..

“Oh .. it is your Fibromyalgia” ..

.. even high blood pressure and so I did not get a referral .. despite the fact that having Fibromyalgia does not make high blood pressure any less deadly!

Hypomagnesimia .. also deadly .. more so than high blood pressure and guess how many referrals I got for that? None! I did not even get warned it was fucking deadly!!

Anyway .. enough of that ranting .. I FINALLY discovered some details regarding malabsorption of magnesium due to having two pills in twelve hours, three in twenty four and my thighs still aching ..

No doubt if I ever see a Doctor again, which I doubt, they will roll their eyes at me because I am supposed to and fully expected to believe ehtir bullshit and lies .. because them being overpaid to do fucking nothing is more important than people's lives and those poor unfortunate people relying on what little is left of the welfare system.

So here is a list of things that can cause the malabsorption of magnesium .. if it states Behcet's Disease in this list I am gonna flip!

Possible Causes of Hypomagnesemia ..

• Crohn's Disease
• Celiac sprue
• Whipple's Disease
• Short Bowel Disease
• Intestinal Mucosal Disease
• Cystic Fibrosis
• Cholestatic Liver Disease (from Behcet's?)
• Pancreatic Insufficiency
• Intestinal lymphangiectasia (WTF?)
• Radiation enteritis
• Systematic mastocytosis
• Terminal Ileal Disease (?)
• Tubular Disorders
• Congenital renal (kidney) magnesium wasting (Behcet's?)
• Interstitial nephretitis
• Acute Tubular Necrosis
• Kidney Transplant
• Renal Tubular Acidosis
• Bartter's Syndrome (Well I seem to have a collection of these damn syndromes they deliberately ignore?!)

Now to make this whole thing about Hypomagnesemia complete .. the symptoms ..

• Neurological
• Behavioural Disturbances (Yes)
• Irritability and anxiety (God yes)
• Lethargy (God yes)
• Impaired Memory and cognitive function (God yes)
• Anorexia or Loss of Appetite (WTF?! Your joking, right?!)
• Nausea and Vomiting (ooh great! Yes))
• Seizures (ooh great! Yes and yet another one they lied about)

• Muscular
• Weakness (Yes)
• Muscle Spasms (God Yes)
• Tics ( I don't think so)
• Muscle Cramps (ooh great! YES)
• Hyperactive reflexes (No idea)
• Impaired Muscle Coordination (ataxia)
• Tremors (ooh great! Yes!)
• Involuntary Eye Movements and Vertigo (ooh great. Yes)
• Difficulty Swallowing (ooh great. Yes)

• Metabolic
• Increased Intracellular Calcium
• Hyperglycemia (No I think)
• Calcium Deficiency (No idea .. oh wait .. Osteopenia?)
• Potassium Deficiency (brings on Sudden Death Syndrome)

• Cardiovascular
• Irregular Heart Beats (Yes)
  • Had over eighteen months .. recently discovered its the low magnesium which was discovered three years ago plus
• Coronary Spasms (no idea)

Funny really recently reading that report that stated that a collection of Doctors had stated, maybe to government or the NHS, that there has been a sharp rise in patients with a combined series of physical pains and mental health problems. At a time when even Doctors and Pharmacists have admitted to me that the NHS and the government are going well out of their way to ignore people's health problems.

One pharmacist in Enfield shook his head when he admitted this to me and said ..

“This will be a time bomb waiting to go off and go off it will down the road!”

When I asked him how he knew they was doing this he said that for many months they had noticed that way, way less prescriptions were coming through the door and that they were throwing away a hell of a lot of money in drugs because of their use-by dates. Due to this and the cost that he said all pharmacists were enduring, guess they are not good enough to save money for, they are now not ordering in a lot of frugs they would previously stock.

Ooh .. dear.

That conversation took place around two years ago and God knows how long that had been going on for. I was annoyed for not even thinking about this aspect of the cutbacks and not asking a pharmacist sooner. I could literally have walked into every pharmacy with a recorder in my pocket and sparked up a conversation and just collated all the recordings?!

Hmm .. maybe someone else is already doing this?

Maybe someone out there might start to do this?!

Causes of Hypomagnesemia

https://www.ancient-minerals.com/magnesium-deficiency/causes-depletion/

Symptoms of Low Magnesium or Hypomagnesemia ..

https://www.ancient-minerals.com/magnesium-deficiency/symptoms-signs/

BURDENS

Well .. I did suspect something a few weeks ago but thought that with my memory problems and the hectic nature that is my life that I had made a mistake. It seems I had not.

As I have stated I have a vitamin deficiency. One that I thought was complete tosh when it was first put to me but after doing as instructed turned out to be true.

For several years after I continued to buy my own bloody pills for this and take them and was mostly OK other than the odd times.

Recently I had a few issues .. well the one and only issue I thought it was causing which was pains in both thighs. I did not know about the other things it was behind until I looked up what the dangers were if I was unable to take the pills. Living on the street .. you have no money and you have no GP .. among other things. I was not aware of these things until recently.

Now I have had the painful thighs several times and I thought I must have forgotten to take the magnesium, naturally? Though at the time I seemed pretty sure I had taken them that day but as I was feeling the intense pain assumed my memory was playing games with me. One of the pitfalls of needing so many pills and having memory issues to go with it. There are a lot more issues besides, trust me on that.

But yesterday I had painful thighs once again and I was also sure once again that I had taken my pill that morning. So last night I took another one as my thighs were had been increasingly aching. Only it is till morning and my legs are aching. I have just taken another pill so that is three within twenty four hours. Oh dear.

After my recent and, to one extent, shocking HMCTS court hearing judgement I have given up on this country and all its corrupt public services from the NHS and all through the others to the PHSO and all through the other ombudsman.

I am done with utter wankers telling me how my body is, what I am capable of doing and what I do and do not deserve.

I had actually gone right off food a couple of weeks ago and after I lost about a stone I realised that there could be some benefits to going this route. The loss of weight would reduce some of my symptoms while others I simply do not know.

• Less weight means less energy used
• Less weight on my feet, which hurt, and my right knee
• Also means no heartburn once below a certain weight

I am fed up with everything else too ..

• The dreaded Anxiety
• Phobias that seem to come and go
• Toothaches
• Eye irritation
• Memory Loss
• Right knee pain, actually playing up last two days
• EDIT: Oh yeah the over-heating in the warmer months .. forgot about that & probably others

Then of course there is the ..

• Boredom
• Homelessness
• Constant prevention or halting of doing what I enjoy, find therapeutic and counts to working for myself, with the Job Centres and DWP's previous agreement and approval

Oddly enough I tried to sort this out about the NHS some years ago .. I recorded loads of admissions, lies, falsifications of test results, admission of falsifications of test results recorded, false accusations made against me that would not stick which was first madness and then violence.

I went through the procedure that they insist everyone goes through ..

Now make no mistake .. if you rely on the NHS and suspect your being fucked over or someone that you care about is this is what your going to have to go through .. trust me they will INSIST upon it ..

• Complain to the manager of your GP Practice
• Once completed complain to the Primary Care Trust
• Once complete complain the NHS England
• Once completed complain to the Parliamentary Health Services Ombudsman

I did all that.

I realised at the end the PHSO was just as corrupt as everyone before it and the PHSO is the last line you can go to.

I can also tell you that the PHSO investigated for two years alone. That does not include all the time taken to go through all of the previous procedures. Just the PHSO. Two years plus. Sooo ..

• Why is there a Statute of Limitations on legal proceedings towards the NHS?!

That Statute of Limitation is something like two or three years .. but you have just had two years wasted by the PHSO alone not to mention every other fucking avenue you had to bark your way down beforehand.

The general public are also not Doctors and not supposed to try and diagnose yourselves, fuck me the patronizing twats roll their eyes at you if you even mention the word 'Googled'!

Mention to them that you went to an alternative specialist and they love using the word 'quack'.

Funny how they never mention the words 'fobbed' or 'off' or 'liars' or 'lying twats'.

I also find it highly offensive that people hate the idea of the welfare state and yet say nothing with all these exposures of public services lying, cheating and hiding money away in far off banks. Like that one in Iceland that went down like a lead balloon a few years back.

I mean .. your perfectly OK with the taxpayers paying a huge health service who are knowingly lying about patients health which DOES cause all three of pain, suffering and DEATH?! Your fucking both mad and blind if you do.

I also find it laughable that this so-called institution which has been exposed time after time is being applauded lately.

When I first informed all of the national newspapers of what was going on along with four TV News channels six or seven years ago now with four DVDs crammed full I told them that this was going on everywhere. Certainly everywhere in England, I could not speak for Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland. There have been some signs recently that it is going on in Scotland and Northern Ireland though no signs yet for Wales.

Since I posted that petition against the Parliamentary Health Services Ombudsman more and more people have been signing it just form my posts alone. I posted it on my wall and also a few choice NHS complaints pages. I posted it on here as well as other .. sites. There have been a few people that have stated that they were clearly lied to by the PHSO and that things were obviously a cover up!

Ooh .. funny as all these people are always condescending and patronizing to the point where any fool would think that they are of some higher intelligence, or at least order, than you .. yet when they lie about names never having worked for them you would think that they would realise that they was putting their staff names in their fucking email addresses?! Yeah .. more intelligent my fucking arse!!

So they are condescending and patronizing and yet are less intelligent than your average Joe? So what does that leave? A higher form of species or order? Oh I am sure that if David Icke ever reads this he will have a field day with the former?! So that leaves .. order? A higher order? Maybe. But not fucking idiot receptionists who also behave like they are of some higher order or even that they themselves are fucking Doctors or specialists. No .. your just a pen pusher and fucking bad ones at that in my experience of over half a dozen GP surgeries and the same amount of hospitals.

Oh and .. it has not even been twenty four hours since I posted that PHSO page and someone else has turned up regarding their own experiences and guess what? They have a webpage!

http://phsothefacts.com/

.. and another ..

https://phsothetruestory.com/2017/04/19/welcome-mr-behrens-here-is-your-starter-for-10-question/

That .. petition ..

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/212437Justice

In the meantime I am deliberating whether to video myself as I lose weight and do a short talk and post this onto my YouTube account and link the video into this blog?

I am put off by the idea in all honesty and have been deliberating about this for well over a week now!

As far as the corruption right across the boards are concerned and the 'amorals' and the 'sandheads' that pay no account? Well .. the way I always saw it is that if I could keep on, prove and encourage others to prove that the NHS was just as rotten as I said then .. not a single stretch at all to realise it all is. All ombudsman too.

I also thought that if I could show to some degree that one court is, would be impossible to prove all, then once again .. anything else reported to be corrupted and lying to the British Public? A .. lot .. more .. believable.

WHEN YOU DO TALK THAT'S ALL THEY DO

This made me want to ride with laughter ..

The title reads 'The Mental Health Issue Men Never Talk About'?!

Maybe it's because when they do all anyone ever wants to do is talk .. and get you to talk and then send you off after an hour then behave like they just risked their lives saving puppies?!

It's fucking .. ludicrous.

Lots and lots of organisations receiving loads of money claiming to help people and all they ever do is listen while encouraging you to talk ..

That only helps in a tiny percentage of mental health cases and as far as I can tell .. depression. And mild depression at that!

Even in these cases this is only beneficial if the person involved has no one in their lives that gives a crap about anyone but themselves. Which, admittedly, does occur despite how people become loving, caring and concerned citizens whenever they suspect a camera, microphone or audience is around.

It states in the report below that there is a lot of work to do. Their joking, right? There's all the work to do.

In fact over the next month or two I'm actually going to show just how bad that is.

I've done this in part before only this time ..

I can show that what I told everyone in the past was spot on correct and added to this my life is threatened from not one, or two but more than three directions!!

I can also prove without a shadow of a doubt that talking cures won't do a damn thing.

Ooh boy .. this country ..

I was just talking to someone from an Asian island earlier and I told them what was going on in the UK and they were shocked. They had no bloody idea and I said "Yeah .. because our news media had been doing their utmost to hide it for a number of years now".

The Mental Health Issue Men Never Talk About http://flip.it/N.sc2t

DEATH BY JOBSWORTH

Well I have been trying to get this one done for a few days now. But I have a sunny day coming up, sorry sounds odd but it is my way of trying to avoid what this post is primarily about.

Anyway .. mystery person seems to have been deleted .. on a side note. That is as far as that goes unless I hear something in the next four weeks.

So? Yeah I have wanted to cover this for a few days now when I found out that someone committed suicide. Turns out after hearing about this there was a lot more to it.

A bridge not far from where my flat is has has a spate of people throwing themselves off it. One idiot reports in a tabloid that a man 'fell'?! Yeah .. from a flyover that goes over a motorway. That was the second shock I got out of the report .. of three. Turns out there have been quite a few and that got me thinking ..

.. if this has happened this many times on this one .. bridge .. how many people have committed suicide across the entire UK ..

.. there are a hell of a lot of bridges and even more in the way of flyovers on motorways and even non-motorways. 'A' Roads and such?

I think someone is doing a hell of a lot of hiding of facts while others are performing a hell of a lot of evasive manoeuvres?!

You might be asking yourself what the third shocking fact is about this latest suicide? My grandson was coming along and was in a car with my, evil, ex when the man fell. So much so that the Police visited their home to get statements.

All I could think of was whether or not my grandson had seen anything awful and hoped that he had not or was not enough to haunt or affect him! Evil ex? Could not care less!

Ooh .. why do so many people get that saying wrong on the Internet and especially on YouTube? 'I could NOT care less' is what it is but people type 'I could care less' every SINGLE time I see it used and I think 'DUMMY! If you COULD care less then you are obviously caring! If you COULD NOT care less than you don't actually give a shit!'

Jesus .. the ones that come across as the smartest in the room that get these kinds of old phrases back to front like this?!

First off a BBC report ..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/7098357.stm

The following man talked about killing himself a few hours before he did it?! Fucking .. un .. believable and I am sad to say that .. I am simply not surprised ..

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/wirral-man-talked-killing-himself-13682939

I have had this myself .. just cast aside time after time after time and I have known for some years that there have been a lot of people died because of this .. because it is designed that way and in my view ..

Death By Public Servant!

The man who .. 'fell' .. yeah he was just strolling over a bridge and failed to see those banana skins tossed aside from the escaped group of Colobus Monkeys from Chester Zoo!

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/man-who-fell-m53-bridge-13757011

Death By Civil Servant?

One that was talked down by the Police and did not die .. at least that day because no public service is actually interested in helping anyone any more .. even vulnerable children which begs the question .. why are you still paying their wages?!

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/man-threatening-jump-m53-motorway-11462936

Another one who .. fell .. bearing in mind the two murders that I know about that took place within less than six months and possibly more than two?!

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/8156144.Wirral_man_dies_after_falling_from_bridge/

How about .. detained? Well .. jumping form a motorway flyover will most likely cause injury or even death to others .. not something I would do. Ever ..

Unless I know Theresa May, George Osborne, David Cameron or Iain Duncan-Smith was coming along and was confident I could tine things just right?

I might save my family? Might?

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/14616337.UPDATE__Man_detained_after_threatening_to_jump_from_bridge_at_Birkenhead_Park_station/

Actually I am not so sure these are all the same bridge now .. but they are very close to each other or I pictured the wrong bridge?!

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/9854499.Police_talk_down_man_threatening_to_jump_from_Bidston_bridge/

M53 Motorway yet again that is not that long .. runs from Chester to Birkenhead ..

http://www.deeside.com/m53-closed-due-serious-police-incident/

Some poor woman too ..

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/14671895.woman-in-critical-condition-after-jumping-from-m53-bridge/

Well I said it must be happening on other bridges and here is one in Flintshire ..

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/fears-man-jumped-flintshire-bridge-10709367

Do not kill anyone's pets either! They may have lost a loved one .. may be sufferers of mental health .. but then, hey? They do not give a shot about anyone anyway .. as long as they are getting paid. Except they are paid and tasked to give a shit, help, support and many other things on their jobs and it is in their job descriptions and their .. OATHS!

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-threatened-hang-himself-bridge-6724434

This following link is just one, proof here as well as my own, of one way they are deliberately killing people .. so mass murder or serial killing, known as culling by some ..

http://metro.co.uk/2016/12/29/jobcentre-secretly-told-dying-mans-gp-to-stop-giving-him-sick-notes-6349168/

Of course they think no one is talking about this ..

https://dwpexamination.org/forum/the-governments-agenda/death-by-government/page-6/

They would have the fucking cheek to claim that a revolution was illegal .. when it is clear that successive governments and let us be honest .. both of only two parties that will ever get elected into power, have been up to this?!

Is there not a constitution? Is there nothing along these lines contained within said constitution?

Ooh boy .. have I just been told something .. bizarre .. sad and unfortunate but .. bizarre ..

WHAT DO YOU DO?

I've emailed a couple people and can't go to the Doctor's Surgery as it's New Year's Day.

Happy New Year by the way.

I feel like I have an idea but need to speak to my daughter, whose now worried about getting into trouble with social services because of me which I never intended.

I only wanted to help but I've spent £4,500 and possibly more since I've been here.

I don't know the area of the Wirral and my memory is not good. Want to sell my car but don't feel capable of that.

Also don't feel capable of many things, even leaving the house.

I have to go and see a damned Universal Credit Jobcoach tomorrow too that's been stressing me out.

At least I have some physical proof to show him and a hospital letter. God only knows if I'll make that next appointment?!

I feel I need to spend some time in some .. place .. for people with my condition but once again I don't know the area.

All that stresses me out .. I had a hard enough time in London .. but it's not homelessness that's stressing me out .. it's how low my savings have got, the strange area I don't know and .. well .. having to travel, believe it or not.

Just the thought of getting on a damn bus, of all things, is stressing me out.

It's horrible when you get this because almost everything stresses you out.

To be fair I am going through something that is extremely stressful anyway. It's widely known and accepted to be stressful.

I'm kind of praying that this does down when it's over .. but I'll still have the other things I mentioned.

It annoys me because I came here to help and having one, if not the, worst time of my life.

It also annoys me that this has only occurred because I've spent money because the authorities have not.

When you get a house here you get bare floorboards. No kidding. They didn't even paint in another house I looked at.

Appetite has gone too.

I'm also having those grey-outs with a couple dozen today with several being close to full black-outs. Several while standing on a chair trying to paint. I had visions of falling onto a very large bucket of paint!

There was this place back in London where you could stay for a few days. I wondered if I could find somewhere like that here?

I can't even remember who I contacted!

Oh .. one was called Pathfinder I believe. But I noticed a lot of places were either for young people or women. Makes me wonder whether it's rare for men to go through this or men are just neglected?

A hippy commune would be appealing right now.

Now you might understand why I'm so frustrated that the only drug that works on my condition of Fibromyalgia, sodium oxybate, is not allowed in the UK unless you have Narcolepsy.

I take three pills to handle this and they are not working. Sorry .. four .. bit I've been using the Diazepam sparingly because they hate giving the things out .. because they are apparently addictive.

I've probably been given half a dozen prescriptions I've the years just for that benzodiazepine  alone and never find them addictive .. just wanted more because they bloody worked. At the right dosages.

But my worst time is first thing in the morning and very early too. As I said I wake up with this damned anxiety and it makes no sense. When I wake up alone.

Loneliness probably has a lot to do with it too .. the thought of being here inn a flat on my own is suddenly .. off putting. But if it has to be in the coming days then it has to be.

Unless the brain works overtime at night .. we Fibromyalgia sufferers don't get restorative sleep anyway. So maybe that is a factor?

As for others .. nope .. being a risk to others is not only out of the question but also well known to those I have had to deal with in the past.

If anything I would happily give my life to save someone I cared about.

Torture, on the other hand, is something else.

But .. there is no simple answer to these kinds of issues.

Spoken to both my sister and one of my brothers on the phone.

They know the situation .. my sister thinks I should stick it out .. that it will get better and my daughter needs me. But I've lost my own .. what's the word? Freedom and access to my own .. plans. 

Well for now.

Also emailed my solicitor in London and explained what's happened,  even sent a photo.

Now after over a year of she got my Personal Independent Payment back that would be fantastic and the answer to all my prayers. Because I would get all my back payment and get back everything I've spent since I've been here.

I also paid for six months rent in advance .. so to get that back I need to stay .. without spending any more money. Well not large amounts.

So if anyone knows any places .. or hippy communes I'm all ears.

Oh the older Autistic child just broke a TV belonging to her brother .. everything break around here and food gets .. got at and flung around and also wasted ..

Hence why my money has gone down so fast .. buying them stuff and giving out money for food that probably just got wasted.

Always the older autistic one .. though the younger autistic one dies a bit of wasting while the youngest brother eats like there is no tomorrow. Never seen anything like it and he should look like a beach ball but he is like a rake.

What he does do though is move around the pace like a cat on a hot tin roof. Always bouncing and jumping even when watching TV and he is always being told to sit down and stop jumping on the chairs .. mainly because the younger girls of 2 and 3 years of age copy him. But .. he never listens.

The older of the Autistic children also wont go to sleep until after midnight .. which means if you want to get an early night .. you can't as she might flood the bathroom .. or drop your only box of cereal all over the floor in the kitchen .. or both.

It is one of dozens of reasons I set up the crowd funding pages.

I guess the financial hardships are hitting more people than I thought?

THE OBVIOUS QUESTIONS

My good God, NHS stories seem to be like buses and after one I think can't be beaten in the world of the bizarre it gets well and truly beaten in mere minutes!

I thought I had fallen asleep and without realising it awoke in the world of The Twilight Zone when I saw this story.

A mental health chief within the NHS ends up having a nervous breakdown and needing mental health treatment from the NHS?!

Really? I mean, REALLY?!

What was strange was how she answered the so bloody obvious question of how were the services?!

FUCKING REALLY?!

Jesus Christ someone somewhere is either an idiot, thinks the majority of the population are idiots and/or naive or both?

Well surprise, surprise the answer to what the mental health services are like are they were great ... or fantastic or something similar.

Is this a fucking wind up?!

First off, how in the world did this effect occur? The chief guess through her own system? What no heath insurance or money to go private?

Secondly if it just so happened that this bizarre sequence of events did take place ... asking them what the services we like they were/are in charge of?

Yes I can see the possible answers right now ...

"Yeah, you know what? They were really, really shit! It's farcical and you know first thing tomorrow morning I'm going to fire myself!!"

The NHS mental health chief who had a nervous breakdown - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-38720826

THE DOCUMENTED MIND

The heart clearly on the sleeve.

Right at this moment as I type this, likely 24 hours before posting, I am inbetween appointments and I mean appointments on the same day.

I met with an assessor at Mind and spent most of it blowing her mind and having her punching the are with a much exhaled “Yes!”

We did not cover everything about me and that usually takes well in excess of two hours and we only had an hour and it was an initial assessment.

She spotted something about me physically.

She came to many realisations about me intellectually that amazed her and I always find it uplifting when people realise that.

To her horror she found out what had been done to me over and over again and in the different ways I was affected.

She reeled in what seemed like a combination of surprise and glee at what I have managed to do with a certain situation I was involved with documented much on here and over for some time and the blogs. She did not ask for the address, like the Doctor at North Middlesex Hospital did, so her punching the air was something of a surprise.

Maybe I will get asked for it at a later date?

Maybe they already knew of my blog and had wondered if it was me and why she punched the air?

Hmm that would be very cool.

I do not exactly hide my real name on-line … tooo many sad and bad people do that and gives off the wrong signals. I do however, have an on-line nickname and … well … that is pretty much obvious what it is. Lol.

Nearly forgot my rent, yes I finally have it, and had to jump off a bus before it carried on its journey! Damned fibrofog is a pain in the arse.

Did a bit of a hobbled journey home that has buggered my legs and feet and made me feel 80 once again. I did this to switch to my bike for the remainder of the day and to get to my second appointment.

I cannot help but think of the times my life has been documented. I am sure that there will be more times over the coming weeks? There may be more in the coming days arranged before even the end of today?

In fact I am even sure a report is being made about me to be passed on? Judging from something the assessor said to me.

In times on many occasions my mind has been documented. Each of those times they were many things not known.

I feel so tired.

Almost always so tired.

Journeys I make and places I go. Each time looking for answers. Each time like an outstretched arm from the darkness. Hoping for someone with a light.

Fast forward me suddenly waking up wondering where I am and realising I have a little over half an hour to get to my second appointment, that was actually scheduled for ten minutes earlier than the time I had I my head and I am back home.

“I hear you have been to A&E?” I am asked by the GP.

“My God, they work fast! I was not even they told GP's anything.” I answered. I have never been to hospital in my life and then have a GP mention that I had been to one. Ever.

I had made the appointment to ask about the Diverticulitis Colonoscopy which I am told yet again has actually been referred. I did think he had said this last time I asked him a month or likely two months ago. My memory, you see? He did the fingers in the waste and asking you to cough, thing, where he has something hit his fingers which should not happen apparently. I get a popping there rather like a hernia, though in my right waist I am not familiar with any hernias that occur there and I pretty much thought I was familiar with every type of hernia. I have two and have had one repaired, you see?

I did tell him I had been to Mind earlier that day and when he asked how it went I said I think I blew her mind?

I had told him that I had been having troubles for sometime but am so fiercely independent and I might mention it but I never push hard for it. Help, that is. I did, after all, mention to him that I needed help and he suggested I speak to Citizen's Advice. I now remember that we spoke about that at Mind and they said “Why would you talk to Citizen's Advice about that?” with a confused look and grin and I said “I know, right?” before I then said “Well they will just do about anything to save money or stick to what they have been told to do by the NHS, corruption and all that” and she said something about how terrible it is in the UK.

Blimey. It is only Thursday and from last Saturday onwards I have had one, very good, nurse, one, also very good, Doctor and now a Mind assessor all state about how bad things are in the UK?!

Blimey! Maybe the message is getting through and it IS sinking in?

Wonders never cease!

AS strange as it may sound … hearing these three people say these things has actually had a positive effect on me, without me realising to begin with.

I think part of my problem within the annals of my mind is knowing the truth but thinking that I am so utterly alone and feel cast adrift on a vast ocean and feel the only one.

I was asked if I was getting any counselling and I said that I was but I was told I would have a bit of a wait. I do not know whether that was a kid of do not expect something imminent and would be a couple of weeks or another six weeks like I waited for the assessment?

As well as the DWP now asking me for a second assessment in just a few months, despite the fact that there is now going to be a court hearing, I have had a phone-call from the DWP to say they are sorry but they seem to have lost my claim for ESA.

Remember this is with me doing everything I can and even getting advice from the Citizen's Advice Bureau. So no doubt in around a months time I will have my Personal Independent Payments stopped and there is a race to see if the ESA will pay me money before that takes place?!

Hmm … did I mention the GP? Looking surprised at the fact I have already had an MRI and the results coming through in as little as two weeks?

God, I am tired.

Surely life is not meant to be this bad or hurt this much?

My life currently is an absolute polar opposite to what I thought it would be this time last year. With everything that took place last year I thought I would be riding it high during 2016 and that whatever time I had left in this world would be a damn site easier. But no.

Oh and would you look at that? I have just right now had the court date come through the door and it is about the same time that I will lose my PIPs, or shortly after the court appearance.

You know I took one look at the letter and the court date and I just got this really unnerving feeling and a thought crossed my mind. I hope it was just nerves but I thought 'They are corrupt too, I am going to get screwed'.

Perhaps it was the rapid date and the lack of any mention of their previous serious error in stating I was losing my PIPs before I even received a letter for the assessment of PIPs? The fact that the court date will occur before I have even had my ESA application processed is something of a concern too.

I am getting stress out right now as I have been looking for the letter of the assessment request by PIPs to attach on this post but cannot find it.

Oh, turns out I already scanned it.

Oh well, looks like I will finally get my wish to see of the courts are up to no good too, well at least this … small tribunal? But one small court being guilty brings the rest of them into question, right?

God, I cannot keep track of all this!

One thing at a time, Martin. Neurophysiologist next and it is probably curtains for me anyway judging how bloody rapidly the NHS have been moving over my symptoms and head MRI?

Part of me still hoping that something terminal is found to force all this to be over. May sound extreme but it has literally gotten like that and my recent anxiety attacks along with their intensity has made me realise this will just keep on repeating until I find a way out of it.

Unfortunately my books and the blogs were supposed to be a way out of all this, with the help of a little court case that was supposed to end at the end of 2015, but it seems that was not to be.