DEATH BY JOBSWORTH

Well I have been trying to get this one done for a few days now. But I have a sunny day coming up, sorry sounds odd but it is my way of trying to avoid what this post is primarily about.

Anyway .. mystery person seems to have been deleted .. on a side note. That is as far as that goes unless I hear something in the next four weeks.

So? Yeah I have wanted to cover this for a few days now when I found out that someone committed suicide. Turns out after hearing about this there was a lot more to it.

A bridge not far from where my flat is has has a spate of people throwing themselves off it. One idiot reports in a tabloid that a man 'fell'?! Yeah .. from a flyover that goes over a motorway. That was the second shock I got out of the report .. of three. Turns out there have been quite a few and that got me thinking ..

.. if this has happened this many times on this one .. bridge .. how many people have committed suicide across the entire UK ..

.. there are a hell of a lot of bridges and even more in the way of flyovers on motorways and even non-motorways. 'A' Roads and such?

I think someone is doing a hell of a lot of hiding of facts while others are performing a hell of a lot of evasive manoeuvres?!

You might be asking yourself what the third shocking fact is about this latest suicide? My grandson was coming along and was in a car with my, evil, ex when the man fell. So much so that the Police visited their home to get statements.

All I could think of was whether or not my grandson had seen anything awful and hoped that he had not or was not enough to haunt or affect him! Evil ex? Could not care less!

Ooh .. why do so many people get that saying wrong on the Internet and especially on YouTube? 'I could NOT care less' is what it is but people type 'I could care less' every SINGLE time I see it used and I think 'DUMMY! If you COULD care less then you are obviously caring! If you COULD NOT care less than you don't actually give a shit!'

Jesus .. the ones that come across as the smartest in the room that get these kinds of old phrases back to front like this?!

First off a BBC report ..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/7098357.stm

The following man talked about killing himself a few hours before he did it?! Fucking .. un .. believable and I am sad to say that .. I am simply not surprised ..

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/wirral-man-talked-killing-himself-13682939

I have had this myself .. just cast aside time after time after time and I have known for some years that there have been a lot of people died because of this .. because it is designed that way and in my view ..

Death By Public Servant!

The man who .. 'fell' .. yeah he was just strolling over a bridge and failed to see those banana skins tossed aside from the escaped group of Colobus Monkeys from Chester Zoo!

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/man-who-fell-m53-bridge-13757011

Death By Civil Servant?

One that was talked down by the Police and did not die .. at least that day because no public service is actually interested in helping anyone any more .. even vulnerable children which begs the question .. why are you still paying their wages?!

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/man-threatening-jump-m53-motorway-11462936

Another one who .. fell .. bearing in mind the two murders that I know about that took place within less than six months and possibly more than two?!

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/8156144.Wirral_man_dies_after_falling_from_bridge/

How about .. detained? Well .. jumping form a motorway flyover will most likely cause injury or even death to others .. not something I would do. Ever ..

Unless I know Theresa May, George Osborne, David Cameron or Iain Duncan-Smith was coming along and was confident I could tine things just right?

I might save my family? Might?

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/14616337.UPDATE__Man_detained_after_threatening_to_jump_from_bridge_at_Birkenhead_Park_station/

Actually I am not so sure these are all the same bridge now .. but they are very close to each other or I pictured the wrong bridge?!

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/9854499.Police_talk_down_man_threatening_to_jump_from_Bidston_bridge/

M53 Motorway yet again that is not that long .. runs from Chester to Birkenhead ..

http://www.deeside.com/m53-closed-due-serious-police-incident/

Some poor woman too ..

http://www.wirralglobe.co.uk/news/14671895.woman-in-critical-condition-after-jumping-from-m53-bridge/

Well I said it must be happening on other bridges and here is one in Flintshire ..

https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/fears-man-jumped-flintshire-bridge-10709367

Do not kill anyone's pets either! They may have lost a loved one .. may be sufferers of mental health .. but then, hey? They do not give a shot about anyone anyway .. as long as they are getting paid. Except they are paid and tasked to give a shit, help, support and many other things on their jobs and it is in their job descriptions and their .. OATHS!

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-threatened-hang-himself-bridge-6724434

This following link is just one, proof here as well as my own, of one way they are deliberately killing people .. so mass murder or serial killing, known as culling by some ..

http://metro.co.uk/2016/12/29/jobcentre-secretly-told-dying-mans-gp-to-stop-giving-him-sick-notes-6349168/

Of course they think no one is talking about this ..

https://dwpexamination.org/forum/the-governments-agenda/death-by-government/page-6/

They would have the fucking cheek to claim that a revolution was illegal .. when it is clear that successive governments and let us be honest .. both of only two parties that will ever get elected into power, have been up to this?!

Is there not a constitution? Is there nothing along these lines contained within said constitution?

Ooh boy .. have I just been told something .. bizarre .. sad and unfortunate but .. bizarre ..

NIGHT OF TORMENTS

Things are not .. good.

I have been inside this tiny room for twenty four hours and last night .. well it just was not a good night.

I felt out of it all day along with feeling down and as the day and night went on the further down I went. I also did not sleep so I kept going down and in the end you reach that inevitable point. It is odd because I was having something that is not the same as what I call anxiety. Panic attacks maybe? But it was enough to get to that point you always seem to get to .. when yo want it to just end.

I had thoughts about it ending .. but .. hurting someone else is always the thing that is the forefront of my mind.

But I kept thinking that there had to be a limit? Surely you can only endure so much before something else .. gives way? Maybe ones sanity? I would not like that but .. I have to think that maybe losing one's sanity in times like these is the minds self-defence to the pain?

I tossed and turned until around 6am ish and added to this I kept needing to use the lavatory and .. I must have used it around six or seven times between 11pm and 7am? I started to wonder if I had prostrate cancer and wondered if I would actually care if I did?

You have times in your life when good things happen and you are supposed to cling onto these things and remember these things. Except the only good thing that ever happened to me has had a life more miserable than mine and being put through a living hell. They also have a question mark over their own life as well as ones over their own children. They also have no one other than me to rely on and I have not been great, though not for the lack of trying. Despite my many .. handicaps I have tried to ignore them and this is why I am paying right now. Because I moved and I tried and am even still willing to do it. Unfortunately and like almost everything else in life this cannot be done for free and nor can it be done without help and support. We have none of those three things right now.

I am also not .. being offered help in any way shape or form and it is almost like now that I am here the problem is solved. No .. it is not. I mist admit I thought it would be for the most part. I thought I would be a lot calmer but .. I am not.

My chest felt like it was caving in on itself last night and all through the night and almost up until midday.

God, I get so tired of feeling like this.

I have no energy to do anything and the very thought of trying to do any of the things I need to do just .. makes me want to curl up and die and .. I do not know why. Well I do know why, I just do not understand why one's own body can work so hard against itself. That goes double for one's mind too and it is here it is the most confusing. I am consciously wondering using a portion of my mind how another part of my mind is working against itself.

Others do not understand it and it has been suggested to me by someone that does not want to hear about people's ailments that I 'eat healthier'. It is frustrating when people make statements like this. It is a lack of restorative sleep that causes my issues, well almost all of them, and that in turn obviously causes chemical unbalance in the brain. That is a chemical unbalance and the only drug is not allowed and this means it would be just as ludicrous to suggest healthy eating could cure or keep down the symptoms of many other things. Health conditions that no one in their right mind would suggest a healthy diet could alter in any way, shape or form.

The house I am in and those that I am staying with do indeed compound my issues and exacerbate my symptoms. I did know they would all be difficult, all three of them, but I had no idea how much so. One is always a pain and always has been the exact same pain while with another it became immediate within a few days things are worse than they used to be. Seeking attention over anything and now with a mild health condition that they claim is worse than terminal illnesses yu cannot say five words without hearing the word 'epilepsy' bought up. Well no five words with anything to do with any symptoms that is for sure and they then just want to talk about this one single symptom. One that I have long since been having among many dozens of others. Then I have had someone else gets a bit frustrated when I am on the phone to my daughter. I have told them how serious things are but .. they have still gotten frustrated on one occasion.

Yeah .. so when things get down .. I do not want to do anything, go anywhere and nor do I even want to venture outside the door of the room I am staying in. Which is, I might add, a matchbox.

I will never figure out in a million years what possessed them to design these houses, the two tiny rooms and the absolutely tiny car park. In fact it is safe to say that the very design of this estate is compounding my issues.

Why is it s hard when you have these feelings of suicide?

I will be getting low on pills before long too and the thought of even going to a local GP is driving me insane.

If you cannot do it alone and you cannot get help and you cannot abide living this way .. then what choices are left to you when your feeling like this?

This country really has done a whole series of numbers in its own people that I am sure the historians of the future are going to have a field day with.

Added to all of this is the intense back pain and all the muscles in my legs aching like crazy on and off .. something that the magnesium I have been taking in the vitamin pills seem to be wearing off when it comes to keeping these aches away. That in itself is somewhat .. worrying.

No .. things are not good right now and they went from bad to OK to bad to looking good to OK and now back to really bad. In just five damn weeks or so.