Now that headline might appear to mean one thing when indeed it actually means something else completely different.
As others now I have spent the last week messing around with a new operating system on my laptop and in the process lost my old one. The one I am currently using is a Linux OS called Ubuntu 12.04 LTS using Unity.
The one I have lost until I find away to return it as it was is Windows 7.
I have lost some applications, games, programs and files in the process though this should only prove to be temporary and for 2 to 4 weeks.
Now I am currently trying to install drivers that have caused a headache and all of the problems for the last 8 or 9 days. I am TRYING to get my graphics to work on my laptop under Ubuntu. Currently I have been attempting to install the drivers for the last hour and god knows how much longer it will take and if it will succeed at all.
But that is NOT what this post is about and I only state that to make it clear as to WHY I have been pacing around the house and am a bit lost with myself...
For sometime now I have had something a bit odd going on with me and I had put this down to the Charcot Marie Tooth Disease that I did, and still, bet the proverbial farm on that I suffer with, oh yeah still have to upload that sound file?!
Today while waiting for things to happen on my laptop I keep feeling dizzy and light headed and this happens a great deal. Sometimes I have mentioned it in posts and other times I have not.
It is weird and fecking horrid if I am totally honest and it feels like I want to sleep all the time. The mad thing is it only seems to occur when I am indoors and not doing much. Or waiting around for something like I am now.
Oops just checked something as my fan speed altered and I thought something had finished?! Turns out no it has not.
For the longest time this occurred only now and then and its kind of like that out of it feeling you sometimes get just prior to going down with a bad case of flu! Like when people say they do not feel right and think they are coming down with something?!
Only the feeling is becoming more frequent and stronger as time goes on and its becoming more than just an annoying distraction. I have had plenty of sleep and it is not like that feeling of lack of sleep but different. I have taken pills so it is not withdrawal that has crept up on me unnoticed.
This is kind of the thing I have to deal with every single day only my body presents my mind with new tricks and new obstacles.
I really HATE doing nothing I really do. I hate staying in the house and I know my house is pretty small but I honestly do not know if I ended up in a house four times the size a year from now and possessed a big garden and a greenhouse I really could not tell you at all if this would change!
My mind wants to stay active and you could claim that I am hyperactive to a degree...
Only many parts of my body, including even my head at the moment, are the exact opposite. Different parts bitch and groan in different ways entirely and with differing frequencies as well as different levels of bitching and groaning.
Only of late this is now being accompanied by a lethargic and light headedness that feels as if I am intoxicated to just beyond the point when you start regretting it!
Intoxication is exactly they way to describe it. As if I had taken to much drugs, had a drug administered without my knowledge and possibly my mind is thinking to when I was stuck in the loo and the force of pressure that my Vagus Nerve experienced that forced my blood pressure to drop, cold sweats and a feeling of overheating and then heart attack and breathlessness came over me before passing out. I did actually mention this in brief to Doctor Mort yesterday and I mentioned the Vagus Nerve and I think he laughed if I recall correctly. A look of surprise that I knew about the Vagus Nerve and that I had passed out. I did actually say that I wonder if my Hiatus Hernia is pressing on it at all and why I have these dizzy and lethargic periods?!
In fact I had spent 30 minutes wondering whether to just go out, which I have not done all day and also waiting for this darned program to install, or post about it just so that I have this on record, so to speak.
I decided on the latter, always good to have it on record but that when I get days like this sitting in front of my laptop screen only makes it worse.
I am LOSING on the SWING, I am LOSING on the ROUNDABOUTS!
Sorry that was a line sung by Fish when he was with Marillion, lol. Just popped into my head and thought it apt for the points I have often tried to get across?!
As the Charcot Marie Tooth listed Fatigue as one of its many symptoms I experience I was then pleased to finally have an answer tot that...
When you have a lot of things going wrong with you and only have 5% of the answers it is annoying. I am sure there are people that have not had a proper diagnosis to just one or two things for many years that can tell you the same. If the read this and the rest of the blog and realise that this amounts to a dozen or more going back up to twenty years I am sure they would do a double take and re-read the post just to make sure they had not read something wrong, lol.
Yes it is not nice and hence why periods of me being funny, witty and comical and can interspersed with ire and anger due to what I have to deal with while doing chores and errands I am finding it harder to do all the time.
This is probably one reason am an so charged up over things as well as passionate about things I type and post about. Why I get outraged at greed by so many out there when it is obvious these people do not know what suffering is.
This is where their downfall lies in all honesty as those that do suffer and have now been repeatedly and savagely kicked in the nether regions by the government will come out of corner like that of a caged animals gnashing and snarling as they come.
This is why I like to let loose on here when I do feel enraged at things. To show that not only am I human but what it will be like for people with lives of suffering and pain. Especially those who have had no help from no one while the ravishing wolves bark at your door.
Bark enough and what will emerge is something that would make a Polar Bear blush!!
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