Experience is not a wonderful thing in all things.
In me the experiences that dragged me down into what seemed like the deepest depths of hell left me with one thing and this has been a constant.
The darkness of the human mind can truly be a terrible, terrible place to be. There will be many out there that would completely understand what I say. However this was a process that was repeated several times for me and I often wonder at the fact I survived wach and every one of them! But returning from the darkness results in you standing ever closer to it with each time you return! The darkness in has many forms, or many eventualities and ths can be a collapse of ones mind partially or completely, possibly emerging the other side of the darkness to become evil?
Another possibility of remerging from the darkness when having occurred enough times a strange dance of mind over body control while remaining just outside the darkness while you skip along its very edge that you have become far too familiar with.
What this means is quite unknown. I say that with certaintly because as will be obvious to many that is where I reside. I would not have wanted anyone else in the world to go through what I did to be where I am but if any had I would certainly be interested in conversing with them. I simply do not know because in any given situation or confrontation that may arise I know what goes through my mind but what will end up as the reality when the time comes I simply do not know. With the feelings and embedded frustrations that I keep well and truly locked away I simply have no idea what will transpire if the time comes that anything or adversary forces them to become unleashed.
In times gone by there have been times when an ire has arisen from the darkness and it has not been pretty but I have been able to regain control of it before any real damage was done.
However I know and see the whole picture now whereas I never did before and only suspected mostly.
I am much more alert than I ever used to be and study my surrounings and horizons every several seconds.
I am much more capable and skilled and elements hardened above and far beyond that than I ever was previously!
In the event of such things arising chaos is impossible to predict and I am sure that the great philosopher that was Plato would be inclined to agree.
In the event that a situation occurs I am only one step away from the darkness I have entered into far too many times and that darkness is familiar to me like an old lonely friend awaiting my return to its embrace. Once this embrace is felt all that which I ever wanted despite how low and my mind may suddenly decide to satiate those desires.
The one thing that I regret is that enemy opposing forces will not be aware of this fact or these dangers.
Well they was not until this very moment!