A HARD FOUR DAYS

I want to get something out just for the record ..

.. just in case anything was to happen.

I was forced into a situation that was supposed to be just two days and ended up at four days. I also ended up spending that time with someone .. which was pretty much unavoidable.

The only place near here where I can relax and do the things that I have been doing for years and did not do much of all last year is the only place this other person like to frequent. The one time I went down there on my own I managed to bump into them in no time at all. So after thinking that I would be down there on my own that lasted, very literally, all of five minutes of arriving.

Now this person should be an adult .. but often does not behave like one.

Your not allowed to talk about anything they do not want to talk about and even when your talking about the things that they do .. they can get irritable over something that you have said and they get snappy and sarcastic.

If that is not annoying enough .. sometimes they start talking about the things they do not want you talking about, like complaining about a certain someone, and then when you want to get your two penneth in they then cut you off, complain that they are getting pissed off and depressed and do not want to talk about it any longer. Mid sentence. Yah .. really.

On the second or third day .. we bumped into a couple of guys that he knows .. only knows in respect to bumping into. Not knows to the point of going round for an evening for coffee and a chat, you understand. The first guy we bumped into mentioned a protest he was either at or saw on the Internet that I had watched a video about the night before. I mentioned this in a previous post but I left out one small detail. This is politics and a subject that the person I had to spend the time with does not like. Me and Brian chatted quite a lot about this and I could tell that the person I was with did not like and and knowing them .. was probably getting pissed off. He gets pissed off very easily and a few others would testify to that. Very, very easily pissed off and cannot stop himself from being quite sarcastic to the point in the end where you want to thump him.

He is also impatient .. something that another member of the family has complained about for years and he will often just walk off leaving you standing there.

Just like the one other person in this house that should .. they also have not asked a single time about my daughter and as I am talking about my mother and a brother and my daughter has cervical cancer you would think that this was a given. But .. no.

Nothing was said about this .. conversation about politics.

Yesterday I had two weird moments..

First I was filming a Dunnock, a bird, which I later uploaded to my YouTube channel and the last words I heard were “I cannot get it to focus” on trying to get a picture with a Sony camera .. WHICH I GAVE HIM! He had obviously wanted to move on because as I finished filming and just prior to taking a few more shots .. he looked like he was half a mile away near a bend in the path.

Now remember .. I have several things wrong with me.

I took a few more shots and started walking where I last see him but he was gone. At the point where he was there was two different paths and a bridge so could have gone one of three ways. I went one and before long had a choice of two paths once again. I chose another one and before long I had another two. Then another two. I was in Walthamstow Marshes and walking towards Coppermill Lane and I know he always likes going to Walthamstow Wetlands so I headed there. No sign of him. I sat on the edge of a reservoir doing some photography for awhile before moving off. I had decided at this point that if he was going to be childish so be it and I would be more than happy to spend the day on my own .. doing my own thing as I have always done. Only now I am aware of this low magnesium thing possibly resulting in me needing hospital care. Even this Sudden Death thing I read about. Heart palpitations, Calcification of the arteries or blood supply and they already detected heart wall hardening well over a year ago, maybe two? But at least I did not have my expensive camera with me so that if I collapsed someone would not steal it. If I lost that .. I would rather be dead.

I had also wanted to go back to a spot where I had seen some Grey Wagtails and a Reed Bunting where I also had a chance of seeing a Kingfisher. Eventually I did that.

While sitting at this other location over a mile from the previous one this person rolls up. He actually makes some excuses about being separated and tries to blame it on me and asks me where I went?! This was so typical of him.

Not wanting an argument and knowing one will most certainly start up I just ignored him and did not state the facts of what happened which would obviously make him look like he was at fault ..

“I did not go ANYWHERE. It was YOU that walked off .. I was standing still filming a Dunnock, how could it have been me?”

Now remember this for later but if I told my mother this I know she would say “Oh he does that with me and moans that I take too long!” because she has told me stories about this.

Now upon coming back here we was at a roundabout where the traffic was horrendous and I turned around and said ..

“Look at this traffic? My cycling around with a ten grand camera on my bike among all this traffic would make me nervous?”

This is not over getting hit by a car, I have done that already. No it is just about the camera getting damaged. So imagine my confusion when he says ..

“Oh I don't give a shit me. I would just take it to Clissold Park and no one would be taking it off me without killing me!” in a sarcastic tone?

I said “What? What has that got to do with anything, I was just talking about the traffic” to which he snapped back “I am just saying, your always worried about the camera!” to which I said “Umm .. do you want to think about what you just said? Your saying that I should take a £10,000 camera to a local park where there is nothing to photograph and get into a fight with half a dozen guys that might decide to mug me? Let is stop playing the hard man for a moment please, I was just saying that because of the camera getting damaged, not stolen!” to which he then said something sarcastic and I said “Well we are very different people you and I” to which he said “Yes” in a sarcastic tone, was walking faster which meant he was pissed off .. yeah HE was pissed off, got on his bike and just fucked off and left me.

There are two in this house that like to switch to their own examples/stories/actions that bear no fucking correlation whatsoever to the subject your talking about and then get ratty with you when your the one confused and asked them why they have done this.

Like a said .. a child.

It made me laugh because he does not talk to strangers like this and if he did talk to either of these two guys like that they simply would not have anything to do with him any longer. But he thinks he is perfect, but complains about this attitude in others, and everyone else is weird. I mean he would not have dared to get annoyed with the other guy who was talking about the state this country was in with me.

So I got back here several minutes after he did.

Last night I was heading down the landing to the toilet when I heard him say “I just spent three days with him doing my head in ..” and did not hear any more than that.

He was telling this to my mother and the only reason I fucking heard it was because another idiot had taken the doors off their hinges downstairs.

The only reason I had to spend four days with him was because the two days I was supposed to be out of here were turned into four. The first day I was told that no one was allowed upstairs .. which was odd because later on I discovered that the two other members of this household spent the day upstairs. I was lied to in other words.

I was also cooked for last night when I had specifically told them not to and after hearing that lie stated felt physically sick and wanted to throw up .. to the point of wanting to make myself throw up.

I had only eaten because I was worried I would get muscles spasms .. due to being forced out and overdoing it .. just to keep others happy who do not give a fucking shit about anyone else but themselves.

In fact I can tell you this much .. I speak, though not to one of them of late, two two people that do not like each other and both have said this ..

They are amazed I have not exploded living here and think that my brother is being deliberately provocative and my mother is deliberately trying to kill me. One of these people know them well and is not related to them while the other one does not know them very much at all while IS related to them.

Needless to say my anxiety came back last night.

So on top of being spoken to like shit as per usual, having an argument start using something completely unrelated to an innocent remark I made. Hips hurting like hell. Calf muscles hurting like hell. Thigh muscles hurting like hell. Sunburnt nose, neck and bottom of my legs. Anxiety playing up on and off. Feet hurting. Tired. Worried like hell and wondering if I am going to get to a God damn court hearing I am hoping will get me out of this hell hole with these cruel and selfish people. Oops .. ranted on a bit there.

Yeah it was tough and now gone back to being borderline unbearable and though it did not need to be I have this awkward situation where the twats stuff is in my room .. yeah figure this ..

I am forced despite my protests to remove my stuff out of my room .. only to replace it with this person's stuff from his room ..

Think about it for a moment? Why?!

Why make an empty space only to fill it with someone else's stuff from their room? I cannot get access to most of my stuff and neither can this other person. Why?! For the fucking love of God, WHY?!

But if you complain about this to the other person he pulls his usual trick ..

“Oh you just have to go along with it just to keep the peace or you end up getting it in the neck. Don't complain about it or I will not hear the end of it!”

But I have heard him have a dig at my mother over pathetic things, though she is no fucking angel, believe me or ask her cousin, Anne. Or ask my sister. Or my other brother who wont talk to her at all. In fact I am sure it was over .. ketchup? Something to do with dinner I think? It was something menial that is for sure.

My God .. are there no hippy communes full of tinfoil hatters out there that are all computer whizzes? I would like to live in a community like that .. in a country setting would be even better!

No Hare-Kirshna communes though! Or other weird cults.

EDIT: Oh and I forgot a fifth thing. When this guy Brian asked about us getting home I told him it was OK because we had workmen in the house .. I was later digged at and told not to talk about that with him?!

Yeah .. I am deadly serious .. see my memory? I had forgotten about that one! Lol.

Oh and he has never had anything expensive so he has no fucking idea how he would be with a £10,000 camera on him in a local park!

He is also not a Doctor, not the smartest cookie in the jar, never even spoken to a Doctor but made it abundantly clear in yet another dig that "I do NOT have Fibromyalgia" and even said that I did not at one stage .. stating, clearly it was my age?!

Like I said .. fucking infuriating.