It is a Saturday morning and I awaken
sit upright with my hands spread to the side and wonder what in the
world is happening to me while a single tear meanders onto my cheek
before drying.
I have just had the most vivid dream. I
just spent the night feeling deeply in love more than I have done for
a very long time. It is the third of three dreams I have had of late
and the very core of the dream is something I have not dreamt about
in a very, VERY long time indeed.
LOVE!
This time the dream was different. The
object of my desire happened to be someone unknown to me and not that
of someone of my past?! The deep down feeling, longing and love was
greater than that to which I have ever experienced before. I know not
to what is happening to me of late.
This dream not only has someone new,
though has a similarity to someone I do know but only seen once in
ten years, but it has a vivid setting too. I am in a typical English
country village complete with the village green. It is picturesque
and summertime without being too hot. I am standing near he corner of
the green speaking with an attractive and slim woman with long dark
hair. She stands about five foot six inches tall and it becomes
obvious she is into me in a big way as I am her. I sense this quite
strongly frm the way in which she speaks softly and her body language
along with the look in her eye as she gazes at mine. I feel an inner
warmth as if my heart has become that of the sun that spreads slowly
through my chest to bursting point. I am surprised that I am not
glowing from the intensity of the feelings I am experiencing. It is a
beautiful place to be.
The scenes flash to and fro and we do
things together and in different places. Another time there is a foot
path and I see her walking with her family, who themselves are now
already familiar with me. I join them and put my arm around this
dreamy girl that in one night has stolen my heart. Her mother simply
smiles at us.
Another time we are at the very
picturesque café on the green but it is closed. The windows are made
of of tile like glass and look of a period in time that is gradually
fading. The store is closed and empty but my new found love possess
the key and we enter within. As we enter I enquire as to how she has
the key and she explains that the store belongs to her mother. We sat
and chat about which I know not and I am gazing out through beautiful
panes of glass across the elegant and stunning view of the village
and its expanse of green. The feeling of love and belonging feels my
soul to a stage of contentment the likes of which I have never known.
I feel I am home. I feel I am at peace. I feel goosebumps. I then
realise I am living my perfect life with its perfect setting in the
most desirable way imaginable to me. I wonder if it is real.
The scene changes and suddenly I am
walking through the village and I see a site of my love as she enters
her home. It appears she has not seen me or has failed to notice me.
I am confused. The scene shifts again and this time I am walking a
similar path and the love of my dreams is entering her mother's cafe
and again I am not noticed. I ask myself why again. The scene shifts
again and I see my love with her family walking that same footpath as
we had done previously. This time no one notices me. It is as if I no
longer exist. My analytical mind ponders the possibilities. I wonder
if I have done something to hurt her? But there is no glances and no
expressions on their faces. It is as if I have become a ghost. I
wonder if I have died by no one looks sad. Have I been erased from
time? Am I seeing the life I was meant to have but some mishap or
intervention changed the course of history to the reality I truly
know but am choosing to ignore?
The scenes continue to change and in
each it is the same. It becomes torture. The warmth and intense love
I feel seems to be gradually and forever ebbing away from me. I do
not like this and the fear engulfs me like a dark shadow. I am
desperate. I do not want this feeling to go! I have not felt this for
so long if indeed I have experienced anything like this at all. I
will do anything to hold onto it but it is not within my power to do
so. I have no input at all and the views in my dream become merely
that of moving pictures.
I so want to communicate with her. I so
want to tell her how I feel! I know not how to. I see her but I
already miss her. I know not even her name. I am sobbing and on my
knees and then suddenly I am bolt upright in bed, my hands spread out
upon the mattress breathing heavily as I feel a tear traversing my
cheek and drying as it edges ever further.
What is happening to me?!
Have I been without love for too long? Is ten years more than any sane man can endure without love? Am I sensing perhaps that something is about to change? Do I think that is even possible? Is it possible that my increasing confidence is showing and that perhaps that will change something? Maybe others will pick up on this? Pray to God that SHE might pick up on this?! One thing is certain and that is that I will not forget THAT dream any time soon!
No comments:
Post a Comment