MY EMPTY VALENTINES

Some things feel like an eternity.

It is akin to pain. A small pain that hits deep down inside myself that disturbs me greatly. Because of this I try not to think about these particular things and I try to close down my mind.

Some things and some times these are unavoidable. Sometimes there simply is no escape. Often this is due to others and the vast majority of the time this has everything to do with government, directly or indirectly.

My current situation is down to others.

But I failed to realise that Valentine's Day was soon approaching. Because and for the longest time Valentine's Day meant nothing to me.

Love is something that has escaped me for the longest time. Long enough for others to simply not believe you if they discover the truth. The truth is simply disregarded as being too difficult to believe. So people generally do not.

Bizarrely I thought this Valentine's Day would be a little different to the last fifteen? Well .. there was one year about eight years back that was like another about twenty years back. Both times were a mirror image of each other with two anonymous Valentine's cards arriving by post. Each one sent by a different person. Each occasion was talked about for weeks or even months afterwards. The senders or admirers were never discovered.

This time around something was .. different. I actually have feelings for someone that I was told felt the same towards me. But I have been unable to .. get into contact with them.

The problem is two fold .. one they have stopped doing something they was doing semi-regularly and .. someone else has not mentioned it to them therefore. Though this culd have occurred via other .. methods. Secondly they have not logged onto Facebook and so totally unaware that I have .. reached out to them.

As far as I can tell, judging from the grey tick not turning blue or into a little tiny icon of their profile image as it does with everyone else, it has been ten days since they have logged on, minimum .. umm I think.

It will be two weeks this Friday the 16^th of February. Crap! Another date I tend to forget .. my birthday!

Valentine's Day gift or birthday gift? Not so bloody likely in my experience!

Ugh!

The thing is and this has been the case for a month now is that all of this in the last month is purely the stuff that I can speak about. There is a whole bloody mountain of things that I simply cannot speak about. Mores the pity!

There is also a bunch of stuff I would like to do but .. the damned weather! It is just unbelievable and even when we are told of a few days of milder sunny weather being just two or three days away it changes to crap weather once it is twenty four hours away?! Twice we have been out whe it has been sunny and mild, not even felt the need to use gloves and upon reaching our destination it has turned cloudy and cold within an hour and come back with our hands completely numb even while wearing gloves! That is the weather taking the piss and that has happened several times, the hand numbing temperature changes having happened twice. Going cloudy has happened three or four times since I got here! That is how bloody bad they are and predicting the weather of late. Funy as they spent a great many tens of millions, in the UK alone, on a new weather computer and they are getting things wrong more times than they ever had before. In fact many here were talking about this cold snap and heavy snow that has been predicted twice in the last month and not even either of those have arrived. At least not in the south east of the UK. But everyone was talking about it so everyone was given the same impression which later turned out to be wrong.

So yeah .. it is bloody frustrating and boring right now and you have nothing better to do than sit around listening to the wind and rain while worrying about the things that are so serious I cannot mention them on here. I just wish something would work out positive for just bloody once! OK maybe I wish a couple of things would work out positive, but that is because one of those is something happening to someone else.

And it is Valentine's Day .. the one time I have not blocked it out of my mind because for the first time in fifteen years I actually feel something .. in the fleeting moments between feeling worry, anxiety, anger and anything else that comes to mind.

I might actually make someone dinner in a date .. or at least I did think or hope that I might be doing that.

It could be a blessing in disguise .. as it has taken me longer to do the things I need to do and I have suffered with severe back pain for the last couple of days ..

.. so hearing something positive or getting that green light, if it finally happens, might make me want to rush things when I cannot possibly do that. Not right now. But I have the option to do so in a few days time.

I just need a bit more time to get a few things in place and .. allow something to get even closer to reality because certain .. industries are infamous for taking their God damn time.

Peronally I cannot help but think that, thanks to the public services yet again, I missed the first glimpse of the chance of happiness I have had in fifteen years?!

WAAAH!

LMAO!

THE DECISIONS THAT BREAK US

Ooh boy.

Do I feel like a right idiot.

I have been discovering that I got played just prior to making a very big move where I exchanged one living hell for another.

The difference is that one hell was kind of brought about because of my memory problems and not used to being around children at all. Especially very active children. Plus autistic ones, only having a friend with an autistic son and I really did not see him that much.

I was lied to.

I should have known better.

But in running like I did, which I kind of had to do anyway, I ran way from .. possibilities. Good possibilities.

What I have now is not a situation, OK well I kinda do to an extent, but .. someone who could drive me over the edge. In fact I had to warn them about this and they said “well your just going to have to learn to deal with it” which means in a round about way I will have to .. let them go on about things that mean nothing.

What happens is they do not like hearing anything new .. but instead when you try to talk about anything new use it as an excuse to interrupt to talk about themselves, something from many years ago that you have heard fifty to a hundred times and no exaggeration and .. not even remotely related to the story you was telling which is new and unheard. When you point this out they insist that it is and to allow them the chance to complain about themselves for the next hour or two they then try to say that you wont know until they have finished. There have been countless times where I have waited for an hour or two and I have then said “well you have finished and it is still not related!” Bearing in mind it is always something you have heard so many times before you could recite it backwards while blindfolded.

Absolutely everyone knows that they do it and no one knows why they do because no one knows anyone else nor have ever met anyone else that does this.

Oh and you can be interrupted several times, it is never as few as just once.

Now when your simply trying to tell them something new and had a bloody crap memory and know you will forget what you said .. it is even more frustrating.

The fact that they know this and still do it anyway .. makes it even more frustrating.

When your life is up in the air .. been stuck 250 miles away from home and the woman in the local shop ignores you when you say hello .. and only get a response when you giver her a direct question .. like “Did you give me that £10 mobile phone credit when I was in here yesterday?” did you get a response. Well if you were from out of town that is and it was obvious.

Oddly they all watch Eastenders up there so you would think the responses would be positive 100% of the time? Some are good .. most are average .. some are not so good. But that really did not bother me that much. Until my anxiety was off about other things and then everything bothers you.

But this was ratcheted up quite deliberately and the fact that the reason I was there already ended up in the Liverpool Echo did not seem to deter her. The fact that situation was that bad that it was front page .. I think it was, and that I was helping the people that were involved in the story and that this liar was related to them, yeah that did not deter her either.

But let us say the following ..

I had a coat here. It was a North Face coat and I thought it was mine. Except a few days ago when I put it on .. it rode up my arms and I thought “What? What is wrong with this coat .. oh!”.

It belonged to a ten year old boy. He was upset about losing it and I had been to a property just prior to coming back because it was missing and they thought it had been left in the old property. It had not and that was the day I was played like a bitch.

So it had been thought lost for several days when I received a text asking if I had bought it back to London by mistake. I said that it had and that I would post it that day.

Well .. it was posted guaranteed delivery and it arrived today only .. when the boy saw it he was a bit confused .. “But Nan said you sold it for ciggies?!”

Yeah .. I got played like a bitch .. but I told the whole story .. a story I held back with because someone was so low that I did not want to make things any worse by explaining it all. Even when I was accused of being the worst person in the world. The worst parent in the world. I played the villain because that was who I needed to be at the time to not make anyone feel any lower than they did.

I do not know how the whole story was taken .. I might not have been believed, whatever their reaction was.

But then she went and told her own grandson that his another sold his North Face coat for ciggies and when I get the text earlier today .. I was first shocked that she would tell her own grandson this and then .. I laughed.

In one fell swoop just as she thought she could cause more mayhem between those I left behind .. she dropped herself right in it and it was the best £11 I ever spent!

“Well I learnt my lesson .. I thought she had changed?!” and I said “Oh don't. When she bought me that North Face coat I actually started to think that she had changed and the lies and manipulation had stopped!”

The North Face coats were identical that is how the confusion came about .. she .. caused it! Lol.

I know why she did the lying. It should have been obvious and it was something I thought could occur if something was ever realised. Upon hearing the anger over what was said to me I then simply asked one question. If the answer was 'yes' I would immediately know why she did it. The answer was 'yes'.

I KNOW why she did it.

That is all I will say on here because I know the eyes that pry.

What she does not know is that there are other eyes that pry. I have known this form day one and I would not like to be in her shoes over the next couple of months!

There are a few ears too that are not going to be impressed either!

Oh dear, oh dear! Lol.

I should have picked up myself on a couple of things too, again my memory and the anxiety I was already experiencing failed me. Some people were disappointed in me and I do not blame them, but I had many reasons and the lies told to me were the main ones.

The anxiety came about because the money was getting low for me and then I was panicking about the car .. which was all arranged but then I had left the logbook in London. If it was not for the logbook and the lies I would still be there now. I had spent weeks fighting off the feelings of anxiety to stay there as long as I could and try to correct my mistakes. Except bizarrely it was only after I got back that I realised that correcting them up there might have been impossible?

Fortunately I have found my logbook after returning and the car is being taken care of. Hopefully which reminds me I must send a text about that.

I have to do two other things .. well four to be honest ..

• See solicitor, drop off package and sign release forms for medical records
  • Told her about other things that she may or may not help with
    • Google Adsense Ads
    • Universal Credit
    • Somewhere to live
    • No deposit back or references from house I lived in ten years
• Sell that damn car
• Get a up to date passport (Identification Issue)
• Get an up to date Drivers Licence (Identification and Driving Issue if I ever drive again)

The only thing is the Drivers Licence might be a waste of time .. because I might not be allowed to drive or now I have found out there are certain types of driver's licences called .. medical .. wait a minute?

https://www.gov.uk/driving-medical-conditions/renewing-or-reapplying-for-your-licence

https://www.gov.uk/renew-medical-driving-licence

Yes, there you go. If you have a medical condition it may turn out that you cannot drive at all or you have to have a Medical Driver's Licence, which I had never heard of before until I was looking up about whether I would have mine taken away.

I mean I was OK driving back but with a chaperone and .. well then there is the memory problems and I did end up in Nottingham when I first went up to Birkenhead and in all the years I have driven I have never done that before!

I just could not get used to my way around and it was taking longer than usual and if I was with someone else it was fine as they showed me where to go. But alone I needed the GPS system, which was old in all honesty and took me the wrong way a lot as well as the long way a lot.

As for me .. there is that .. nagging thing I cannot stop thinking about. Well there are a lot of things but there is one that is boring into my brain in a way that I did not expect. Ah .. I just put my head in my hands as I thought about and typed it!

Jesus Christ what is wrong with me?! I really am not used to feeling like this. It has been so very, very long. I know what I think it is .. well I am sure of what it is but .. this is me here?! This does not and has not happened in a long, long time.

That is why it has bothered me so .. how can this be happening? It makes no sense at all .. and that kind of makes me curious. That has me asking myself, why?

That white woolly hat!

THE BRIEFEST OF GLIMPSES

There is something I never really talked about much.

While I was away I had the briefest of glimpses of something I've not experienced in a long, long time.

Perhaps it's because it's been a long, long time I was both surprised and .. it kind of hurts.

But then maybe it's kind of what I deserve?

There was someone .. someone I very much like from the moment I set eyes on them and that had not happened in a long, long time.

I was there for other things .. or rather I had other responsibilities and I didn't act on it.

Also .. after awhile I had assumed that this neighbour had a partner.

One night I was told that she, in fact, did not and that she had asked about me. I was .. dumbfounded .. shocked .. amazed. I didn't really say much about it. I wanted to but I didn't.

When I came away I did so knowing that I had felt things I had long thought dead. I have even written on here in the past that I didn't think it was possible for me to feel certain things any longer.

As well as letting people down .. I also .. am .. a little .. heartbroken. It feels as though life has been cruel to me .. in the worst way.

So along with the guilt .. there is that briefest of glimpses.

I had thought about hanging on our even returning but .. there were things I couldn't talk about. 

Things were a mess as they was .. I couldn't make it any more complicated than it was.

I suppose I was .. tipped over the edge, you might say. I may have been the victim of some sick game by someone or it was some sort of revenge?

I was kind of accused of being behind something that happened a long time ago. Yeah I was present when this thing occurred but it wasn't me. Though this other person thought it was from what they said.

I wondered hard if this is why some things we said to me?

It matters not now .. if it was some ploy it had its effect.

There was also the .. danger of a follow up .. a promise of you prefer .. but that never came. I didn't want it to but it never came all the same and this has made it look .. suspicious.

I suppose when I went to there I knew that there was this possibility. I even expected it at some point. But when it occurred, it occurred at the worst possible time.

Maybe they knew? About this other .. person? I have asked myself if they then decided to totally screw things up?

Since being back here people I know who are famous for having little sympathy have expressed how sorry they are. This was last night as I'm beavering around trying to repair the damage I've done to my own life.

I'm getting it done .. little by little and I figure out will take a month to dig my way out of this mess .. maybe a little longer?

At the exact same time I hope that things go well elsewhere! That element that has me getting guilty.

Though I'm not sad about being away from the meddling element .. that could have got me with some revenge .. plot.

Yeah well if they did .. they did it extremely well, let me tell you.

At least I don't have to look at any more open mouthed faces down here.

I've had the offers of possibilities of living in Braintree and Gravesend, Essex and Kent respectively.

Yeah .. I might hold on to see what else transpires.

My time in the North actually hurt in more ways than one.

Maybe one day I might feel glad that I was reminded of feelings I long thought lost?

Or maybe I will just spend years hurting over it?

Ooh boy .. what a right royal mess I managed to get myself into.

Meanwhile being back is weird .. too busy! But then where I am is pretty central and temporary.

Maybe my disability solicitor will have some ideas when I hear from her?

I am currently council-less you might say? Well .. sort of. Or probably will be .. once I've ultimately decided .. which will happen when I've done the things I've needed to do ..

Two of which get done .. tomorrow which then involves a .. wait. And then a sale ..

Though a friend is interested in buying my car .. I'm not expecting him to take the plunge.

At least now it won't get scratched, trashed, have the tyres let down or sabotaged and I can get something far less .. conspicuous.

The words 'mitigating' and 'extenuating' spring to mind throughout this whole damn thing.

As we stated to me just last night 'It's a real shame and I'm so sorry'.

Many never thought I'd stay there long, morons, but we're not surprised at all at the reasons I returned when I did ..

"Christ .. how the hell do you decide what to believe in all that?!"

Some reminders from people that were around twenty years ago saying be careful about who you listen to.

I could exact my revenge by revealing it all but ..

A moot point now, is it not?

Explaining that you were .. 'helped' away by someone would not change a damn thing and I certainly did not want to make the situation any worse than I had left it.

It is funny as I was accused at one point of seeing attention .. I got accused of a lot of things. I simply did not answer .. did not even point out that I get zero attention and never have had any attention. I mean to say outside of a page of numbers showing me how many people have read what posts and I very rarely scroll down to older posts .. not much more than a week or two when I do .. if that?

I did have attention .. or thought or was told I was getting attention and I ran away from it.

THAT LOST LOOK OF LOVE

Romantic music swoops and peaks in an eveloping way.

A beautiful voice of a mystery and unknown woman sings out her heart for love and ones mind is drawn in like a moth to a flame. What I wonder that look, looks like and how does it feel to catch the fleeting glimpse that these feelings are held by another?

In a swirling land of wonders can one dare to dream of the perfection that seems so far from view despite the aching of touch that brings the tiny shudders lost for so long.

Like windmills on a hill top the wheels of time continue to turn on unabated without once slowing to allow one time to break away. Time so precious to few are granted for many and the times that tick by graduallly stealing away from one the possibilities that abounded of years gone by.

That look I loved within ones eyes seem but so lng a distant memory. Buried deep in the sands of time wy relentless winds that their view is way beyond obscured.

One wonders if it possible to find one not intent on materialism and able to see the bigger picture that hides from most of us. Many fall by the wayside but one must believe this not always to be true. For all those that intend to use and scheme only deserve the fists of steel there must be many worthy of help. While possible lovers be avoided there must be those that can make one feel again.

For those that have come to know the name for reasons all bad I hope that one comes to know it for the good one can do and the happiness one can bring, though one has ones own doubts to this being possible and lost in ths sandstorm of time.

Entertainment is his solace and undoing complicated and dastardly plans also. Is she somewhere out there and possibly be beyond the sea. Has fate forced us far apart or do we exist under each others noses? Can Old Ken be wrong and the person exists to compliment one another like no other?

Many of the sands of time been wasted away by undeserving obstacles that would leave a negatitivity not appreicated and certainly not wanted. Rendering many possibilities far beyond possibility for the longest periods known.

However this be the year that these bad vibes are cast aside themselves to be buried away in the wind blown sands along with many others.

What little time there exists left to live one fully intends to take full advantage of and do along with achieve many things long desired deep in ones heart.

Perhaps where one can change the lives of those he writes more can be accomplished by those he touches?

For the touch of affection is one he craves the most. All else is rendered just filler one calls entertainment and the occupying of ones mind due to the life others have that are lost and alien to him. What others take for granted in conversation is so alien to him and never having experienced many things that many others do in most lives unless not wanted.

Many bad things could bring down a tower of steel but one learns to box up and place within the dark recesses of ones mind and ther they stay.

Once in a while I let one out ... if I really need to show anger to a large organisation and these be the weapons I keep within. At times when they are not controlled the soft and loving touch that would allow one to forget is sorely missed despite not remembering the feeling this brings.

Now the achievements begin to mount up and more heading this way a little more of the darkness is released each time and scattered to the winds to be long forgotten.

Life has a meandering nature to her and she twists and turns about in the winds of change. How this story goes from here on in and for the next five years has me wondering with a new confidence but an air of mystery abounds.

How will I feel when the time comes? Heaven only knows.

TO FEEL ONCE MORE OF LOVE

Far too long that one emotion has remained absent and elusive 

One asks if be is possible for one to ever feel this again 

Whsipers of winds of emotions long since past into distant time 

What secrets fate hides is cruelly hidden from my searching gaze 

Shield up and sword of vengeance is lofted high in despair 

Rustling leaves as the giggles of angels revel in what is to come 

But fate twists some things from ones hands of creation and manipulation 

Will the year be one that arouses in another those lost feelings of love 

A spark and a knowing look a empathic link with feeling of knowing 

That could ever return the smile one gives upon that faintest of detections

What would one do for who being in love is shared anew

Why anything and everything would then be what I would do for you

- A Saint They Called Allnights 

THE LOVE APPEARS IN DREAMS

The mind is a strange beast and plays the most awful tricks on you with the intention of bizarrely causing self harm to one#s heart and soul.

After having a series of dreams consisting of one old flame, one unknown flame I have now had yet another one consisting of a familiar face once again but of more recent times. In fact it gets somewhat more intriguing as this face was not only more recent, well a couple of years back, but someone that was NOT an old flame but I became aware that she had a soft spot for me.

I have not seen much of her in several years instead of a very brief interlude where we simply said hello to each other. I never see her at all around town and that time that I did see her was probably the first time in around three years?!

But just last night I had this dream with the most intense feelings of all and it was she that was the object of my all consuming feelings of love. There was even brushes, literally, of intimacy too that would entwine the heightened feeling of arousal with those of intense and burning love that continued apace until I awoke with my heart racing like that of a sprinting stallion and other bodily functions going completely haywire!

My face must have been quite the picture with the frowning and shock along with surprise that must have been plain to see!

I had little time to ponder the latest dream nor have I at the time of typing as I had to leave the house to help a friend in his store for a couple of hours while he was off sorting out someone's pond. Now that I think about it, it IS quite puzzling as I very rarely have dreams like this and maybe the odd one every few years. This has gone quite mad of late and I know not why as there has been no love interest in my life and not even that of a passing interest. The spiritualist in me wonders whether I am picking up on something about to happen to me while the scientist side tells me that it is nothing. But then I remind myself of my age old theory of the Universe infinitely repeating itself with tiny alterations and that the seeing of the future is possible, and ONLY SO, if we are receiving flash images or feelings of the past?!

God I do hope it is the latter and that these feelings that have been re-awoken in my dreams are to become more the norm in the not too distant future?! Ooooooooooooh BOY!

Well in recent years I have often wondered if it was at all possible for me to ever love again as it has been that long since I last experienced the feeling! But these recent weeks have shown me without a doubt that not only am I capable of still feeling love but that the feelings I experienced are so strong that it felt like electricity coursing through my veins and fibers and brought about a feeling so wondrous in nature that I was heart-broken that it turned out to be merely a dream.

Later in the morning there was a woman in the store I had not seen before. I was chatting about something and she turned and looked at me. When dealing with her she looked at me several times too. As she was leaving she showed in interest in the Fire Salamanders and when she left I realized that as she was speaking tom someone else she had kept glancing at me.

Now this has happened before to the point whereby my friends and people in the store at the time were convinced I would be dating in no time but nothing actually developed from it, much to everyone's shock. That crossed my mind of what had gone on previously and that maybe the dreams WERE a sign but then thought NO!!

Maybe in time it will show itself to be whatever it is? Most likely is that they will just cease to occur and it will be nothing more than my mind and body pining for feelings absent for so very long. I am sure the devoted hoards of spiritualists will read much more into it while more matter of fact individuals will see nothing much in it at all.

THE DREAM VILLAGE OF LOVE

It is a Saturday morning and I awaken sit upright with my hands spread to the side and wonder what in the world is happening to me while a single tear meanders onto my cheek before drying.

I have just had the most vivid dream. I just spent the night feeling deeply in love more than I have done for a very long time. It is the third of three dreams I have had of late and the very core of the dream is something I have not dreamt about in a very, VERY long time indeed.

LOVE!

This time the dream was different. The object of my desire happened to be someone unknown to me and not that of someone of my past?! The deep down feeling, longing and love was greater than that to which I have ever experienced before. I know not to what is happening to me of late.

This dream not only has someone new, though has a similarity to someone I do know but only seen once in ten years, but it has a vivid setting too. I am in a typical English country village complete with the village green. It is picturesque and summertime without being too hot. I am standing near he corner of the green speaking with an attractive and slim woman with long dark hair. She stands about five foot six inches tall and it becomes obvious she is into me in a big way as I am her. I sense this quite strongly frm the way in which she speaks softly and her body language along with the look in her eye as she gazes at mine. I feel an inner warmth as if my heart has become that of the sun that spreads slowly through my chest to bursting point. I am surprised that I am not glowing from the intensity of the feelings I am experiencing. It is a beautiful place to be.

The scenes flash to and fro and we do things together and in different places. Another time there is a foot path and I see her walking with her family, who themselves are now already familiar with me. I join them and put my arm around this dreamy girl that in one night has stolen my heart. Her mother simply smiles at us.

Another time we are at the very picturesque café on the green but it is closed. The windows are made of of tile like glass and look of a period in time that is gradually fading. The store is closed and empty but my new found love possess the key and we enter within. As we enter I enquire as to how she has the key and she explains that the store belongs to her mother. We sat and chat about which I know not and I am gazing out through beautiful panes of glass across the elegant and stunning view of the village and its expanse of green. The feeling of love and belonging feels my soul to a stage of contentment the likes of which I have never known. I feel I am home. I feel I am at peace. I feel goosebumps. I then realise I am living my perfect life with its perfect setting in the most desirable way imaginable to me. I wonder if it is real.

The scene changes and suddenly I am walking through the village and I see a site of my love as she enters her home. It appears she has not seen me or has failed to notice me. I am confused. The scene shifts again and this time I am walking a similar path and the love of my dreams is entering her mother's cafe and again I am not noticed. I ask myself why again. The scene shifts again and I see my love with her family walking that same footpath as we had done previously. This time no one notices me. It is as if I no longer exist. My analytical mind ponders the possibilities. I wonder if I have done something to hurt her? But there is no glances and no expressions on their faces. It is as if I have become a ghost. I wonder if I have died by no one looks sad. Have I been erased from time? Am I seeing the life I was meant to have but some mishap or intervention changed the course of history to the reality I truly know but am choosing to ignore?

The scenes continue to change and in each it is the same. It becomes torture. The warmth and intense love I feel seems to be gradually and forever ebbing away from me. I do not like this and the fear engulfs me like a dark shadow. I am desperate. I do not want this feeling to go! I have not felt this for so long if indeed I have experienced anything like this at all. I will do anything to hold onto it but it is not within my power to do so. I have no input at all and the views in my dream become merely that of moving pictures.

I so want to communicate with her. I so want to tell her how I feel! I know not how to. I see her but I already miss her. I know not even her name. I am sobbing and on my knees and then suddenly I am bolt upright in bed, my hands spread out upon the mattress breathing heavily as I feel a tear traversing my cheek and drying as it edges ever further.

What is happening to me?!

Have I been without love for too long? Is ten years more than any sane man can endure without love? Am I sensing perhaps that something is about to change? Do I think that is even possible? Is it possible that my increasing confidence is showing and that perhaps that will change something? Maybe others will pick up on this? Pray to God that SHE might pick up on this?! One thing is certain and that is that I will not forget THAT dream any time soon!

THE TUNNEL'S ONLY LIGHT

Wicked Game is playing through my Acoustic Energy speakers and spreads through the house. For once I am in and not so much being lazy but attempting to tidy my house further from the chaos that has been the hotter months.

Now being August 24th 2013 I am but a couple of weeks away before anyone can officially say that the majority of my musing subjects have existed for a whole year. A WHOLE year? It seems totally undelievable to me that I had to buy a pair of new shoes a couple of days ago and that when I purchased the last pair 7 months back I thought there was no way on EARTH that when I needed a replacement pair I would still be worried about how much I spent on them?!

How wrong I was.

Around the same time I had also purchased a new Bridge Camera to work with and again I had thought that in 6 months time I would at least be able tp PLAN my next step up of camera in the form of an SLR.

Again I was wrong.

I am not used to being wrong but gracefully accept it when I am but often when I am way off base I tend to want to work out how I managed to so so wrong. More often than not it turns out some wildy off mathematics born of artificial beginnings come into play. Many times these can affect others sometimes in the tens and sometimes in the millions. For the longest time I was in a position whereby I could what I have recently done and yet my life has been in so much turmoil for so very long I was never able to get around to doing what I achieve and that is to show as many others as I can what it is I see....AND HOW! A beat echoes around the room I sit in as I type away on the keyboard and Donald sings about taking 90 minutes from New York to Paris and I think of how old this song is and how his own musings have hardly changed and I ponder if he thinks the same things that I do?!

What I find perplexing right now is how more people now realize what I have now been remarking about for many a year. Not as you might think but more a lack of time to digest things previously but now looking for answers to problems they are now affected by. That is the main negativity I would have regarding the human race and why we have been stuck in zero progression for the longest time. As Donald Fagen is now well aware the 90 minutes from New York to Paris is dreamland once again.

The numbers on this blog might seem a lot to many but are not to me. You see I thought when I started this blog and published the evidence that I ALREADY POSSESSED it would spread like wildfire. I thought the same when I sent those now infamous and four DVDs to the tabloids. Strange to think that being at the centre and single handedly behind some of the biggest stories in the United Kingdom and the world which can all be attributed back to one man garners zero attention. Even after a year of both publicizing what I have on here as well as collecting more along the way. Maybe they DID contact me but the correspondence....somehow did not reach me?! As Elton John now sings about his Rocket Man I think how I was worried that this would end up being me. Associated with the most terrible crimes and scams within the UK and a few possibly global to boot and in excess of ten of them and you tend to notice when nothing happens and it appears that people are going out of their way to stay well clear of you. Except on this blog of course. Has made me wonder on many occasions just how stories DO get found out about and indeed just  how gruesome it needs to be to garner attention?! Maybe the detaining by Police of your friend under the Terrorism Act that I had already stated on here they have lied about....sheeesh, hehe.

Yes so little by little people have come upon this blog and read about the atrocities that are closer to home and not concerning a bunch of people in a far away land who would harm their own to get help from us and therefore not give a Rat's arse about us in reality but knowing that on the world stage NO ONE CAN SAY NO! Little by little the numbers have gone up and have totally and completely raised in accordance to what and HOW Google want them to rise?! I have seen numbers concerning my visitors go backwards several times and that large numbers of visitors to my blogs have managed to UN-VISIT themselves to my blogs?! Stunning. In fact this is so badly done it is as if someone has been trying to message me that someone is watching and meddling with the figures?!?!

But now it has been a year. I have covered enough subjects and enough areas that from here on in with the run up to Christmas 2013 I need NOT do any more! I have enough retailers listed in my attacks with proof regarding their shenanigans that many a sleepless night will afflict them up to Christmas and then after it is over realize the end is most certainly NIGH.

In 2014 I will STILL BE STANDING amd will be bigger than you can ever imagine! It will also have been realized that it is NOT the names nor the companies themselves I have been after but instead the peopole and the types or MORONS that seem to think that this is the behaviour o have, or that business means being a liar or greedy?! No I am after THEM and I WILL EXPOSE THEM, or rather other people will from here on in?!

For instance  was speaking about this today with a friend and was talking about the Sony DSC-HX300 Bridge Camera I now own and how this fiasco all started. He said 'I bet it is someone from Dragon's Den that owns the suppliers to these people and they are behind it all?!' I said in repsonse while starting to smile from EAR TO EAR...

"Oooh PLEASE GOD YES....I SO HOPE THAT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE!!!"

Not for the reasons I can guarantee your now thinking either!

LMAO!!!

So before long I think in all honesty I would be approaching something resembling THE END.

Without the cash to get around and dig further there is little more I could possibly show to the world about the true face of the United Kingdom and its government, or as you now know those that use the government like puppets.

I have been involved, delved, dived and waded through the worst cesspits that exist on the UK both public and private. There are a couple of things to come audio wise but by mid September all my avenues would have run dry and all roads traveled as far as I can take them.

After that it is up to all of you?!

As for me maybe I can recapture a feeling of love long since lost?