Some things feel like
an eternity.
It is akin to pain. A
small pain that hits deep down inside myself that disturbs me
greatly. Because of this I try not to think about these particular
things and I try to close down my mind.
Some things and some
times these are unavoidable. Sometimes there simply is no escape.
Often this is due to others and the vast majority of the time this
has everything to do with government, directly or indirectly.
My current situation is
down to others.
But I failed to realise
that Valentine's Day was soon approaching. Because and for the
longest time Valentine's Day meant nothing to me.
Love is something that
has escaped me for the longest time. Long enough for others to simply
not believe you if they discover the truth. The truth is simply
disregarded as being too difficult to believe. So people generally do
not.
Bizarrely I thought
this Valentine's Day would be a little different to the last fifteen?
Well .. there was one year about eight years back that was like
another about twenty years back. Both times were a mirror image of
each other with two anonymous Valentine's cards arriving by post.
Each one sent by a different person. Each occasion was talked about
for weeks or even months afterwards. The senders or admirers were
never discovered.
This time around
something was .. different. I actually have feelings for someone that
I was told felt the same towards me. But I have been unable to .. get
into contact with them.
The problem is two fold
.. one they have stopped doing something they was doing
semi-regularly and .. someone else has not mentioned it to them
therefore. Though this culd have occurred via other .. methods.
Secondly they have not logged onto Facebook and so totally unaware
that I have .. reached out to them.
As far as I can tell,
judging from the grey tick not turning blue or into a little tiny
icon of their profile image as it does with everyone else, it has
been ten days since they have logged on, minimum .. umm I think.
It will be two weeks
this Friday the 16th of February. Crap! Another date I
tend to forget .. my birthday!
Valentine's Day gift or
birthday gift? Not so bloody likely in my experience!
Ugh!
The thing is and this
has been the case for a month now is that all of this in the last
month is purely the stuff that I can speak about. There is a whole
bloody mountain of things that I simply cannot speak about. Mores the
pity!
There is also a bunch
of stuff I would like to do but .. the damned weather! It is just
unbelievable and even when we are told of a few days of milder sunny
weather being just two or three days away it changes to crap weather
once it is twenty four hours away?! Twice we have been out whe it has
been sunny and mild, not even felt the need to use gloves and upon
reaching our destination it has turned cloudy and cold within an hour
and come back with our hands completely numb even while wearing
gloves! That is the weather taking the piss and that has happened
several times, the hand numbing temperature changes having happened
twice. Going cloudy has happened three or four times since I got
here! That is how bloody bad they are and predicting the weather of
late. Funy as they spent a great many tens of millions, in the UK
alone, on a new weather computer and they are getting things wrong
more times than they ever had before. In fact many here were talking
about this cold snap and heavy snow that has been predicted twice in
the last month and not even either of those have arrived. At least
not in the south east of the UK. But everyone was talking about it so
everyone was given the same impression which later turned out to be
wrong.
So yeah .. it is bloody
frustrating and boring right now and you have nothing better to do
than sit around listening to the wind and rain while worrying about
the things that are so serious I cannot mention them on here. I just
wish something would work out positive for just bloody once! OK maybe
I wish a couple of things would work out positive, but that is
because one of those is something happening to someone else.
And it is Valentine's
Day .. the one time I have not blocked it out of my mind because for
the first time in fifteen years I actually feel something .. in the
fleeting moments between feeling worry, anxiety, anger and anything
else that comes to mind.
I might actually make
someone dinner in a date .. or at least I did think or hope that I
might be doing that.
It could be a blessing
in disguise .. as it has taken me longer to do the things I need to
do and I have suffered with severe back pain for the last couple of
days ..
.. so hearing something
positive or getting that green light, if it finally happens, might
make me want to rush things when I cannot possibly do that. Not right
now. But I have the option to do so in a few days time.
I just need a bit more
time to get a few things in place and .. allow something to get even
closer to reality because certain .. industries are infamous for
taking their God damn time.
Peronally I cannot help
but think that, thanks to the public services yet again, I missed the
first glimpse of the chance of happiness I have had in fifteen
years?!
WAAAH!
LMAO!
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