Ooh boy.
Do I feel like a right
idiot.
I have been discovering
that I got played just prior to making a very big move where I
exchanged one living hell for another.
The difference is that
one hell was kind of brought about because of my memory problems and
not used to being around children at all. Especially very active
children. Plus autistic ones, only having a friend with an autistic
son and I really did not see him that much.
I was lied to.
I should have known
better.
But in running like I
did, which I kind of had to do anyway, I ran way from ..
possibilities. Good possibilities.
What I have now is not
a situation, OK well I kinda do to an extent, but .. someone who
could drive me over the edge. In fact I had to warn them about this
and they said “well your just going to have to learn to deal with
it” which means in a round about way I will have to .. let them go
on about things that mean nothing.
What happens is they do
not like hearing anything new .. but instead when you try to talk
about anything new use it as an excuse to interrupt to talk about
themselves, something from many years ago that you have heard fifty
to a hundred times and no exaggeration and .. not even remotely
related to the story you was telling which is new and unheard. When
you point this out they insist that it is and to allow them the
chance to complain about themselves for the next hour or two they
then try to say that you wont know until they have finished. There
have been countless times where I have waited for an hour or two and
I have then said “well you have finished and it is still not
related!” Bearing in mind it is always something you have heard so
many times before you could recite it backwards while blindfolded.
Absolutely everyone
knows that they do it and no one knows why they do because no one
knows anyone else nor have ever met anyone else that does this.
Oh and you can be
interrupted several times, it is never as few as just once.
Now when your simply
trying to tell them something new and had a bloody crap memory and
know you will forget what you said .. it is even more frustrating.
The fact that they know
this and still do it anyway .. makes it even more frustrating.
When your life is up in
the air .. been stuck 250 miles away from home and the woman in the
local shop ignores you when you say hello .. and only get a response
when you giver her a direct question .. like “Did you give me that
£10 mobile phone credit when I was in here yesterday?” did you get
a response. Well if you were from out of town that is and it was
obvious.
Oddly they all watch
Eastenders up there so you would think the responses would be
positive 100% of the time? Some are good .. most are average .. some
are not so good. But that really did not bother me that much. Until
my anxiety was off about other things and then everything bothers
you.
But this was ratcheted
up quite deliberately and the fact that the reason I was there
already ended up in the Liverpool Echo did not seem to deter her. The
fact that situation was that bad that it was front page .. I think it
was, and that I was helping the people that were involved in the
story and that this liar was related to them, yeah that did not deter
her either.
But let us say the
following ..
I had a coat here. It
was a North Face coat and I thought it was mine. Except a few days
ago when I put it on .. it rode up my arms and I thought “What?
What is wrong with this coat .. oh!”.
It belonged to a ten
year old boy. He was upset about losing it and I had been to a
property just prior to coming back because it was missing and they
thought it had been left in the old property. It had not and that was
the day I was played like a bitch.
So it had been thought
lost for several days when I received a text asking if I had bought
it back to London by mistake. I said that it had and that I would
post it that day.
Well .. it was posted
guaranteed delivery and it arrived today only .. when the boy saw it
he was a bit confused .. “But Nan said you sold it for ciggies?!”
Yeah .. I got played
like a bitch .. but I told the whole story .. a story I held back
with because someone was so low that I did not want to make things
any worse by explaining it all. Even when I was accused of being the
worst person in the world. The worst parent in the world. I played
the villain because that was who I needed to be at the time to not
make anyone feel any lower than they did.
I do not know how the
whole story was taken .. I might not have been believed, whatever
their reaction was.
But then she went and
told her own grandson that his another sold his North Face coat for
ciggies and when I get the text earlier today .. I was first shocked
that she would tell her own grandson this and then .. I laughed.
In one fell swoop just
as she thought she could cause more mayhem between those I left
behind .. she dropped herself right in it and it was the best £11 I
ever spent!
“Well I learnt my
lesson .. I thought she had changed?!” and I said “Oh don't. When
she bought me that North Face coat I actually started to think that
she had changed and the lies and manipulation had stopped!”
The North Face coats
were identical that is how the confusion came about .. she .. caused
it! Lol.
I know why she did the
lying. It should have been obvious and it was something I thought
could occur if something was ever realised. Upon hearing the anger
over what was said to me I then simply asked one question. If the
answer was 'yes' I would immediately know why she did it. The answer
was 'yes'.
I KNOW why she did it.
That is all I will say
on here because I know the eyes that pry.
What she does not know
is that there are other eyes that pry. I have known this form day one
and I would not like to be in her shoes over the next couple of
months!
There are a few ears
too that are not going to be impressed either!
Oh dear, oh dear! Lol.
I should have picked up
myself on a couple of things too, again my memory and the anxiety I
was already experiencing failed me. Some people were disappointed in
me and I do not blame them, but I had many reasons and the lies told
to me were the main ones.
The anxiety came about
because the money was getting low for me and then I was panicking
about the car .. which was all arranged but then I had left the
logbook in London. If it was not for the logbook and the lies I would
still be there now. I had spent weeks fighting off the feelings of
anxiety to stay there as long as I could and try to correct my
mistakes. Except bizarrely it was only after I got back that I
realised that correcting them up there might have been impossible?
Fortunately I have
found my logbook after returning and the car is being taken care of.
Hopefully which reminds me I must send a text about that.
I have to do two other
things .. well four to be honest ..
- See solicitor, drop off package and sign release forms for medical records
- Told her about other things that she may or may not help with
- Google Adsense Ads
- Universal Credit
- Somewhere to live
- No deposit back or references from house I lived in ten years
- Sell that damn car
- Get a up to date passport (Identification Issue)
- Get an up to date Drivers Licence (Identification and Driving Issue if I ever drive again)
The only thing is the
Drivers Licence might be a waste of time .. because I might not be
allowed to drive or now I have found out there are certain types of
driver's licences called .. medical .. wait a minute?
Yes, there you go. If
you have a medical condition it may turn out that you cannot drive at
all or you have to have a Medical Driver's Licence, which I had never
heard of before until I was looking up about whether I would have
mine taken away.
I mean I was OK driving
back but with a chaperone and .. well then there is the memory
problems and I did end up in Nottingham when I first went up to
Birkenhead and in all the years I have driven I have never done that
before!
I just could not get
used to my way around and it was taking longer than usual and if I
was with someone else it was fine as they showed me where to go. But
alone I needed the GPS system, which was old in all honesty and took
me the wrong way a lot as well as the long way a lot.
As for me .. there is
that .. nagging thing I cannot stop thinking about. Well there are a
lot of things but there is one that is boring into my brain in a way
that I did not expect. Ah .. I just put my head in my hands as I
thought about and typed it!
Jesus Christ what is
wrong with me?! I really am not used to feeling like this. It has
been so very, very long. I know what I think it is .. well I am sure
of what it is but .. this is me here?! This does not and has not
happened in a long, long time.
That is why it has
bothered me so .. how can this be happening? It makes no sense at all
.. and that kind of makes me curious. That has me asking myself, why?
That white woolly hat!
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