Friday 19 January 2018

THE DECISIONS THAT BREAK US

Ooh boy.

Do I feel like a right idiot.

I have been discovering that I got played just prior to making a very big move where I exchanged one living hell for another.

The difference is that one hell was kind of brought about because of my memory problems and not used to being around children at all. Especially very active children. Plus autistic ones, only having a friend with an autistic son and I really did not see him that much.

I was lied to.

I should have known better.

But in running like I did, which I kind of had to do anyway, I ran way from .. possibilities. Good possibilities.

What I have now is not a situation, OK well I kinda do to an extent, but .. someone who could drive me over the edge. In fact I had to warn them about this and they said “well your just going to have to learn to deal with it” which means in a round about way I will have to .. let them go on about things that mean nothing.

What happens is they do not like hearing anything new .. but instead when you try to talk about anything new use it as an excuse to interrupt to talk about themselves, something from many years ago that you have heard fifty to a hundred times and no exaggeration and .. not even remotely related to the story you was telling which is new and unheard. When you point this out they insist that it is and to allow them the chance to complain about themselves for the next hour or two they then try to say that you wont know until they have finished. There have been countless times where I have waited for an hour or two and I have then said “well you have finished and it is still not related!” Bearing in mind it is always something you have heard so many times before you could recite it backwards while blindfolded.

Absolutely everyone knows that they do it and no one knows why they do because no one knows anyone else nor have ever met anyone else that does this.

Oh and you can be interrupted several times, it is never as few as just once.

Now when your simply trying to tell them something new and had a bloody crap memory and know you will forget what you said .. it is even more frustrating.

The fact that they know this and still do it anyway .. makes it even more frustrating.

When your life is up in the air .. been stuck 250 miles away from home and the woman in the local shop ignores you when you say hello .. and only get a response when you giver her a direct question .. like “Did you give me that £10 mobile phone credit when I was in here yesterday?” did you get a response. Well if you were from out of town that is and it was obvious.

Oddly they all watch Eastenders up there so you would think the responses would be positive 100% of the time? Some are good .. most are average .. some are not so good. But that really did not bother me that much. Until my anxiety was off about other things and then everything bothers you.

But this was ratcheted up quite deliberately and the fact that the reason I was there already ended up in the Liverpool Echo did not seem to deter her. The fact that situation was that bad that it was front page .. I think it was, and that I was helping the people that were involved in the story and that this liar was related to them, yeah that did not deter her either.

But let us say the following ..

I had a coat here. It was a North Face coat and I thought it was mine. Except a few days ago when I put it on .. it rode up my arms and I thought “What? What is wrong with this coat .. oh!”.

It belonged to a ten year old boy. He was upset about losing it and I had been to a property just prior to coming back because it was missing and they thought it had been left in the old property. It had not and that was the day I was played like a bitch.

So it had been thought lost for several days when I received a text asking if I had bought it back to London by mistake. I said that it had and that I would post it that day.

Well .. it was posted guaranteed delivery and it arrived today only .. when the boy saw it he was a bit confused .. “But Nan said you sold it for ciggies?!”

Yeah .. I got played like a bitch .. but I told the whole story .. a story I held back with because someone was so low that I did not want to make things any worse by explaining it all. Even when I was accused of being the worst person in the world. The worst parent in the world. I played the villain because that was who I needed to be at the time to not make anyone feel any lower than they did.

I do not know how the whole story was taken .. I might not have been believed, whatever their reaction was.

But then she went and told her own grandson that his another sold his North Face coat for ciggies and when I get the text earlier today .. I was first shocked that she would tell her own grandson this and then .. I laughed.

In one fell swoop just as she thought she could cause more mayhem between those I left behind .. she dropped herself right in it and it was the best £11 I ever spent!

“Well I learnt my lesson .. I thought she had changed?!” and I said “Oh don't. When she bought me that North Face coat I actually started to think that she had changed and the lies and manipulation had stopped!”

The North Face coats were identical that is how the confusion came about .. she .. caused it! Lol.

I know why she did the lying. It should have been obvious and it was something I thought could occur if something was ever realised. Upon hearing the anger over what was said to me I then simply asked one question. If the answer was 'yes' I would immediately know why she did it. The answer was 'yes'.

I KNOW why she did it.

That is all I will say on here because I know the eyes that pry.

What she does not know is that there are other eyes that pry. I have known this form day one and I would not like to be in her shoes over the next couple of months!

There are a few ears too that are not going to be impressed either!

Oh dear, oh dear! Lol.

I should have picked up myself on a couple of things too, again my memory and the anxiety I was already experiencing failed me. Some people were disappointed in me and I do not blame them, but I had many reasons and the lies told to me were the main ones.

The anxiety came about because the money was getting low for me and then I was panicking about the car .. which was all arranged but then I had left the logbook in London. If it was not for the logbook and the lies I would still be there now. I had spent weeks fighting off the feelings of anxiety to stay there as long as I could and try to correct my mistakes. Except bizarrely it was only after I got back that I realised that correcting them up there might have been impossible?

Fortunately I have found my logbook after returning and the car is being taken care of. Hopefully which reminds me I must send a text about that.

I have to do two other things .. well four to be honest ..

  • See solicitor, drop off package and sign release forms for medical records
    • Told her about other things that she may or may not help with
      • Google Adsense Ads
      • Universal Credit
      • Somewhere to live
      • No deposit back or references from house I lived in ten years
  • Sell that damn car
  • Get a up to date passport (Identification Issue)
  • Get an up to date Drivers Licence (Identification and Driving Issue if I ever drive again)

The only thing is the Drivers Licence might be a waste of time .. because I might not be allowed to drive or now I have found out there are certain types of driver's licences called .. medical .. wait a minute?



Yes, there you go. If you have a medical condition it may turn out that you cannot drive at all or you have to have a Medical Driver's Licence, which I had never heard of before until I was looking up about whether I would have mine taken away.

I mean I was OK driving back but with a chaperone and .. well then there is the memory problems and I did end up in Nottingham when I first went up to Birkenhead and in all the years I have driven I have never done that before!

I just could not get used to my way around and it was taking longer than usual and if I was with someone else it was fine as they showed me where to go. But alone I needed the GPS system, which was old in all honesty and took me the wrong way a lot as well as the long way a lot.

As for me .. there is that .. nagging thing I cannot stop thinking about. Well there are a lot of things but there is one that is boring into my brain in a way that I did not expect. Ah .. I just put my head in my hands as I thought about and typed it!

Jesus Christ what is wrong with me?! I really am not used to feeling like this. It has been so very, very long. I know what I think it is .. well I am sure of what it is but .. this is me here?! This does not and has not happened in a long, long time.


That is why it has bothered me so .. how can this be happening? It makes no sense at all .. and that kind of makes me curious. That has me asking myself, why?

That white woolly hat!

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