THE MANY ANSWERS

Well I have been at it a little more in the last few days.

There are several things to sort out still but I am getting there. I have managed to do several things in the last few days. So this week it has been solicitor, bike, blog, DWP and a little sorting out of my storage facility.

So four things in a week and a little re-arranging. Not all re-arranging required but somewhere close to half of it.

There are other things that have occurred but am not going to go into them at this time .. due to safety reasons and a few other things.

I still .. think about someone and I do not think that will ever stop .. but there may be an answer to that one. A light at the end of the tunnel, if you prefer?

I cycled ten miles yesterday and two things became obvious .. I was not going to make it and .. cycling is what causes the stinging and aching in the area of my inguinal hernia repair. I had always strongly suspected it but .. after not having been bothered by it for many months, five maybe, it was back yesterday.

I did get back in the end, with some walking along to let my legs rest, but I kept collapsing after I got back as my left knee was striking with pain every now and then trying to crouch down. Odd as there is a physical issue with my right knee, as spotted by two NHS Orthopaedic surgeons that was later omitted from any report. No, this was my left knee in pain.

Of my tasks .. there is one I need t do myself and one someone else is supposed to do for me and another I need help and a van for.

The one I can do myself .. will take time once it is done. But I will need to do it and so it is something I will do very soon.

As for the journey yesterday .. I forgot that when I did it there were puddles everywhere and I had originally intended to wait a few more days for them to dry out. The weather app on my phone stated that it was supposed to remain dry from Thursday, 25^th January, to Monday 29^th January. Except today it states something completely different. Tomorrow it is supposed to be raining?!

The other thing I forgot about the journey is that as soon as I got down to the river path a wind was blowing straight at me. This got stronger and I had several periods were it blew fairly hard and one where it stopped me altogether. That was despite the fact that I had been in a very low gear and on my smallest chain ring. I never ride in the smallest chain ring and nor do I use such a low gear either but that is what I did for the entire journey.

Not heard anything about the car .. which is becoming a trifle .. worrying. Everything else could have been sorted with that and I thought that at least by now I would have heard of a couple of people enquiring.

Has me doubting it has even been advertised which considering I have been back here awhile now and got many other things done .. is somewhat confusing.

I have also managed to work out that when my anxiety dissipates the heart palpitations start to occur and when the anxiety is back the palpitations seem to bugger off on their holidays?!

You just cannot win with some things.

Next week is going to be somewhat .. interesting and the four weeks that follow on from that as there are some things in the pipeline that might just work out. It might become obvious as soon as next week? Time will tell. This will be pretty good .. all around for a whole number of things. It could mean some more major changes but we will wait and see. Been in this situation before on here and if there is one thing I have learned in the past three years or so .. nothing quite works out how you think it will. So I am just going to let it play out.

I wish I could say more because I could get a particular someone quite excited and pleased but I cannot nor will I. I also could get into trouble legally for saying anything and very likely would at this stage. If a particular thing happens next week then that changes everything so .. if your reading this .. yes, you, then just hold out a bit longer.

I have made some pretty big mistakes the last few months and I think now I may be able to rectify all of these mistakes. It certainly looks and sounds good right now. There will be some major repercussions that I have personally been waiting for, for a long, long time.

Trust me on this when I say that I cannot wait for this and it is kind of imminent.

There will be some panic stricken knee jerk reactions but that has already been prepared for and let us say for now that there will be some .. FOCUS .. on a great deal of things.

In fact this has already kinda started and is in the public domain but .. it is only just beginning and I kind of knew what would be coming next. I had to explain this to others that got something of a shock. I then reminded them by saying “If you recall .. I Did state this the other day?!” to which they then remembered exactly what I had said a few days beforehand.

From this .. a great many things are possible and despite the fact that they might not all unfold as as already been explained .. many will.

In fact let us just say there is some .. investment in this.

I have kept this quiet because of certain parties finding out about it but some have now realised and .. there have been odd phone-calls, phone conversations, refusals to requests that were outright lies and I am expecting at least one more from one single source.

You could say that there are cracks in three of the four walls and I would be over the moon with any single one of them but .. to get all three?! Then add another to the usual three?!

Trying to not be excited by all this is somewhat .. bloody difficult.

But I keep saying to myself that let us just wait and see how it plays out. It will certainly play out, that is for sure but it is difficult to know who to trust right now.

Someone was going to be told but then later it was decided that they would not .. things certainly do whizz around at times. It is hard to know what to do and who to talk to.

I know who it is I want to talk to.

Not anyone around here that is for certain.

I am excited but that is because I am also kind of sad. I have been sad for awhile now and if it is not anxiety it is worry and when it is not worry it is sadness. Though I do not really show it. Nor do I talk about it either. Well there is only one person I would like to speak to and that feeling I have had for awhile now.

There are those that said I should have taken my chance at the time and now say I should have taken my chance while I still had it. But I did not want to do this in the .. mood I was in. Though knowing me I could have likely pulled it off .. maybe?

So I am excited because I may be able to end the sadness along with everything else? I may already be on the road to actually doing this already? But .. imminent events can put the proverbial tin hat on that in a single heartbeat.

Still .. something might slip out I the meantime? It might tonight, for all I know?

Sometimes distance gives you some perspective and .. sometimes that distance also might mean that you have burned all or just some of your bridges. As it has been turning out I have not .. but there remains one bridge that needs to be built and .. it is a pretty big bridge! But then the imminent thing is a pretty big thing and I have already made strides in correcting my previous mistakes and those things I forgot or was not aware of. Big strides.

Google, the DWP, the car and a whole swathe of other things .. darn it?! Just remembered I might need to get a temporary GP?!

That white woolly hat.

I have actually had one or two ask me if I have a picture. I do not, sadly. I have also been asked to look for someone on Facebook but as I told them, that would be too weird and besides that I simply would not know where to look. I do not have all that I would need to preform any search anyway.

Yesterday pain and worry actually stopped me from thinking about that which I normally do .. which was a first. I was worried .. about something .. in fact I felt guilty when I realised I had not thought about it because of pain, tiredness and muddy paths combined with strong winds. In fact a couple of people did not think I would make it and even noticed it was windy and thought I would .. conk out, so to speak. Well I kinda did .. but I did not care as it was preventing me from thinking about too many things.

Paying today though and though I am surprised I can actually walk after that ten mile ride .. I know my legs are buggered. Still .. at least I am not getting the knee pain today I was yesterday that had me collapsing against the walls and nearly falling down the stairs several times!

I was tempted to get out on my mountain bike but thought I had better not push my legs and knees .. oh not forgetting my groin, too far. Inguinal Hernia repair .. stings a bit if I overdo it with the cycling.

Still cannot believe I have felt like I do as .. well .. it .. umm .. was so long ago last time I simply cannot recall and I might never have felt like this before?

Funny when I think about it .. love, revenge and a few other things might be just around the corner?