ONE HELL FOR ANOTHER

Well it has not even been a week yet and it has happened.

I have had my anxiety raised by someone that is supposed to help. Oddly they have complained that they are the only one that have helped .. despite the fact that this help is a fucking tiny room they do not need. They do not own the house either but you would think they were giving a pint of blood the way that they go on.

What is the issue?

That four of us did not give up thousands of pounds to another member of the family because they deserved money.

I have told them that by law they are not and that this person is not bothered by it and that in fact they are the only one bothered by it but .. it makes no difference.

Bearing in mind what I have just been through .. what I have got to do now that I am back and that much of my money went towards helping others .. the rest tied up in things I should not have bought and one I am selling. So they cannot claim that I am selfish .. but it is being hinted at and they would dearly like to say this .. but they cannot.

Most of the ire is about others ..

Except as I said the recipient they are on about does not care about it and has said to others that it was not his money and not his grandfather.

Nope .. that does not matter.

Nope .. nor does it matter that I went through hell and cut my wrists I was in that much agony .. not not a mention about that. Just that things did not go how they wanted them too and we re all bastards.

I have already had a reply to a text I sent explaining what was just said and the reply simply stated “You got to get out of there as fast as you can!”

Yeah .. I cannot. I have somewhere I can go if things get bad but that will only be for three or four days at most. As I told my brother .. it is called the Maytree Centre and I nearly ended up there a couple years back.

This person simply fails to see that the only feelings that are harping on about is their own. And that this is all about others doing what they expect them to.

I also guarantee that they are annoyed that I have gone off into a room to stop hearing it and I would not be surprised if I was told I had to leave purely because I wont sit there and listen to their complaining about things that is bothering no one else.

They have been told for years and fucking years that it is extremely stressful and that no one else falls out and has issues except them. Every single member of their family they have fallen out with but it is everyone else that is wrong.

I find it hilarious that there argument is that no one 'gives a shit' and yet that is exactly whow they come across .. unless it is there feelings, they have never self harmed by the way but their suffereing is worse than everyone else's, then they do not ask, they do not console, they do not say they are sorry for what you have been through. Best of all they do not ask when they are on the phone how the children are, by some accounts. They are so busy and so focused upon their own feelings and you get statements like they want to die.

Oddly they blame another relative of being melodramatic when it comes to these things .. deliberately leaving pills all over the floor for sympathy.

No self harming as far as I know and they certainly was not alone when they did it .. so yeah .. ou could say that it was for sympathy. Could.

I was trapped in a flat that felt like a prison for four days and there was no one else there but me .. alone .. hoping that this damned Aussie flu would kill me in the night, often felt like it was. Then having anxiety in the mornings sometimes so bad that harming was the only thing that would release the extreme feelings of anxiety.

I cannot stress how bad this can be even at the best of times but stuck somewhere you do not know with short term memory problems after being called names, then threatened and then warned .. yeah .. you cannot really describe that.

I want to die because no one gives a shit and because currently I have nowhere to live .. not whinge and whine that no one gives a shit and that no one listens.

Yeah they do not have the greatest advice and yet they go fucking mental because no one takes their advice but .. no one ever takes advice.

But no .. this is specific traits of my family and makes her life a misery.

No drug dealers. No bank robbers. No domestic abusers and all this has been pointed out to her by her own cousin and .. nope .. does not want to listen. Because they want to complain except ..

There is no end goal to complaining .. there is absolutely no benefit to complaining .. she gets nothing out of it .. no one she complains about is ever going to change .. all she does is hurt people, stress them out and make them not want to come here.

I was on the phone to them two days before I came down and she scared the living shit out of me .. cranky and angry and of course it was about giving this money over to someone that not only does not care about it themselves but will end up in the pockets of his greedy and manipulative African girlfriend and her family as they have already had thousands anyway.

These people were here illegally anyway, despite both being handed houses then it is strictly illegal to do so .. unless your a public service then you can make the rules up as you go along while private landlords get fined for doing the exact same thing.

Now I am scared of them going past the door .. and scared of going downstairs in the morning!

Luckily I have tried to prepare as I have not only contacted my solicitor but also an organisation that may be able to help in my current situation. They didn't years ago when I went to them for help but today it is different .. I now only know what is wrong with me today, thanks for nothing NHS, but a lot more is wrong with me today.

I, or we, really ended up with the rough end of the stick when it comes to life and to think I may have been subjected to some kid of payback for someone else's tempestuous life? I am now being punished for two other people's lives that are and were not my responsibility.

It would seem everyone wants me to either suffer or perform magic tricks.