THE ESSENCE AND LEGACY OF A HERO

All my life I always thought that one day something terrible would happen. I used to have dreams about it. But the distance between sight and vision was always blurred and dark and that frightened me.

In time this vision was lost among the mists left over of the tribulations that consists of ones life.

From my point of view you barely had time to think or to breathe. Always something came along to cloud your mind and stop those thought processes that allow one to be a visionary. Or to just be a seer.

I never really knew why I had them but often I asked of many types of people.

The years strolled by and the faded into memory and into insignificance and were deemed unnecessary and unimportant. That was how I was molded and quite e deliberate process by my on life and its own dark corners. Slithers of reality and thought would be stolen by these dark corners of ones life as if like entities feeding like vampires on one's depravities.

During this time in the dark flashes would come up and bubble to the surface but I did not recognise them for the signs that they were. Conditioned by men that which had long past been important had been quashed and destroyed over time. But maybe this was a process?

Myself I started to see things that made no sense in reality and in a decent existence. The depravities that existed elsewhere in the lives of others each with the own entities lurking in corners stealing slithers of life and thought processes from everywhere and many other people. But before long I started to note that this does not apply to all.

I could see these entities for what they are and many societies of times gone by have had many names for them and many a way of keeping them at bay. Some things have been draconian while others not draconian enough. But still throughout history the revealed themselves at many a juncture. I had failed to realise that the here and the now is one of those junctures and the signs had been popping up to tell me so. But knowing why escaped me and still does at this very moment but at least I know them to be signs now.

I have done things in my life that have been considered foolish by many and yet today I would do them again in not so much of a heartbeat. I have always had this in me from a child and did not know why this was. I have touched on this in times past on my online world but today and lately it has given me a new perspective. Of these foolish things I have risked my own life and limb to do them and thus far I have managed to get by to tell the tale. But along the way it became confused and troubled and those visions of the past long since dead made no sense in modern times.

Why would I possess a want a need to help people and do the honourable thing when it would take so very long to do? I never seemed to get anywhere so what was the point? Repeating these thought processess over and over only served to confine them to the annals of history that exists with my forgotten mind that is distant memory.

I have wondered what it was that I surely needed to do? Why ere the things I was doing not getting anywhere fast? Even of late I had been at this online for what seemed like an eternity and while doing this I had strived to build something else online that in time could actually help myself for once but knowing that in reality this would only lead to me just helping others even more.

Man a time over the years gone by I have grown tired and I have grown weary. At times I just wanted it to end and the pain to cease.

The support and the help I thought I would get to achieve this never really came and none more so were more disappointing than those to which I attempted alone and that came to nothing. It has been nearly a year and for the first time and with no ones help but my own I have taken it upon me to achieve BOTH of these things at the EXACT same time and on my own and under my own power and with all the knowledge that I have come to possess this far to which the tribulations and the entities in their dark corners have allowed me to. Along with being tired and weary there has also been that of the pain and torture I have experienced too and the has never just been one or two things either. If so they would have been batted away with a mere flick of my wrist.

In the last couple of days and while tired and weary and while suffering pain and heat exhaustion and in a frame of mind that should not have experienced it got become despondent again. I asked myself why in the world am I doing this and have I not suffered enough? The truth is I have nothing else to strive for and that is what always keeps me going. But I had forgotten something and that something was quite important and hidden in the tight clutches of those dark entities across time.

Th choice of being a hero is not one that we make, you either are or you are not. But what I had failed to realise and was reminded of recently was that it takes a leap of faith to build up a trust. Sometimes I have thought that it takes doing the wrong thing to do the right thing. I know not why this is and why the processes of trust can take so long. That was indeed why I garnered my posts with lots of ...extras?! I did not want to spend a year, or two or three banging my head against a wall to help others. I thought with a little forethought it would be very easy and all be done in three to six months. How wrong could I be?!

Lately I had grown tired and weary again and the immense heat was not helping and then it took two appointments made by an organisation that one things is there for you to nearly destroy you all over again and then want to blame you with the very thing that they have been the route cause of from day one! I just did not know it from day one and it is this fact that makes it all so unforgivable. It also made me realise that the attitudes of others was that 'well I have done OK out of it so bugger everyone else'. I had thought that these people may consider what if when it came to this they cared most about. But then I wondered how many people actually cared about anyone around them. That I admittedly had not considered in all honesty.

But this may seem narrow minded considering that no one knows more than I do that the country I live in, and it looks like many others, has become more self centred and amoral by the day. This inevitable rubs off on one and all. Except it does not. I swore to anyone who would listen that this would NEVER occur to me and that would rather DIE than sink to the depths of depravities that others stoop too to tread others down into the mire while they stand tall.

They call it the survival of the fittest and maybe those that run the organisations that I have attacked actually believe this to be the case, but this is not definitely not the case! Otherwise we would still have Sabretooth Tigers, Mammoths and Dinosaurs roaming the Earth?! Oh OM so the reality here is a little bit different but I wanted to use the obvious suspects to make you think. For who it is who survives are those that exist on the middle ground that survive because those in the middle are meant to do two things, kill and not be killed. We have both predators and prey and in today's world this is only true for a mere few. I recently attended a support group that was not what they said it was and then a nast and selfish Doctor who should not have the title both put doubts in my mind. But without relaising I was doing it I had already ling since improving my position as one of those in the middle but in a unique place. I had stated that I was the ONE PERSON you should NEVER had been invited to this group support thing if there was anything remotely immoral going on?! I knew this to be true even if I was not aware of the why.

Today I was reminded of the why but provided with more clarity to it and the realisation also rendered me emotional that surprised me. It was the shock of what I realised that did this.

I have been the animal in the corner being prodded by a large stick by those that do not have to consider if anything is behind them. I am the one on the outer most edge of stress skirting in and out of what is acceptable and what is not. Physical and mental pain is not without its emotional content. Only I do not look down at those beneath me and I concentrate the whole time on the people with the sticks. When the people I do not look down on disappoint me and do not live up to my expectations then I can … waiver.

But even so this has to take a leap of faith and an element of trust that in the end the truth will be realised, accepted and then the apologies will come. Until that goal is reached what happens along the way does not matter one iota. It has to be accepted that the right thing has to continue being done and that the good of men will prevail in the end. The shackles of a material existence can then be shed and the process of development, progress and forward motion can return after the years it has lied in its dormancy. Cutting esge is what it means and not that some greedy boad members who have bought into a company that is now making £5 Billion a year can sit back and say 'No, no more spending and research and development we are making £5 Billion a year now lets just sit back and let all that money will will NEVER USE mount up ever higher?!'

Over the years I have watched this process over and over and even before I comepletely understood it I knew there was something...not right about it and always advised people with a lot less money against it, unlike some idiots on TV who look great when the money is always going up but were without a DANNY LA RUE when it all comes crashing down. Anyone can bloody do that job! A Giant Panda can do THAT job?! LOL.

So it is this essence of never faltering and never wavering that I had become lost to.

It is a cold, dark and lonely place and I would give anything to work among like minded people towards a greater good. But these cannot be any people. They cannot be people that have accusations with no foundation and no basis purely because they have the absolute NEED to pint fingers. This I was never interested in though I can forgive people that I may have given this impression.

There is a vast vacuum of difference between wanting to pint the finger at everyone and for corruption to seemingly be everywhere you LOOK?!

I also have to remember that if 100%....or even if 10% of the population could see and do what I have been able to do, especially with so very little at hand, than I would NOT be typing this out and these corruption blogs would not exist at all.

I do not want to say that there is no one completely like me and I always live for the day when I fond others like myself. You might catch me saying you one meet anyone like me as it is unlikely that you will...BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE! LOL.

Why do I say that?! Well I I would hope that you figured it out as there is an absolutely age old saying that is the one answer to what I have feared all along being the only one...

...and that is that ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER! Which comes about because we are primates and sociable animals but animals we still are one and all.

I have to remember that and stay in tune that which makes up the soul and fibre of what makes someone a heroic person in the first instance as there is no place or even niche market for them in the modern world as those dark entities have left them with nowhere to hide.

After all when was the last time you really knew and heard of an old style legendary hero in the modern world? 

I had started to think that the only way to make it to a status that is legendary and would change the world for the better was in the way that you left the modern world instead of what you might do while you was still IN THE MODERN WORLD?!