LIFE IS TOO MUCH

Oh boy .. I had a surprisingly bad day.

It is days like today, and only one aspect of everything that is wrong, that make we want to just lay down and die. Except you can't.

Wood-plastic-grass-wood!

About that in a moment.

So today I had to try and get to this .. GP Surgery that I was concerned was a bit too far away from where I currently am. I got a stupid suggestion off someone yesterday when I stated I was going to try and go today. “There is a housing association next door, go in there and register while you are there”.

Groan! Yeah .. you cannot directly register with housing associations and have never been able to, one of my many long term hatreds of housing associations.

You have to be referred by a council and to do that you need to be registered and with a registered .. address.

I cannot do this either and .. there is a fundamental problem with even doing that. Financially which I am not going to get into or give details for but unless I can be assured I will indeed get help .. the process will end up fucking me over for the last time.

Anyway due to my over-heating body temperature, my feet, my memory and my motion sickness which is not motion sickness, all on my medical notes, and with my heart issues too due to my low magnesium, former on my medical notes while the latter not, I was not looking forward to it.

'Something is going to go wrong' I kept thinking.

It did. But it was not what I expected.

Another phone-call from someone getting something off their chest before making excuses to go, stating they will phone me back and not and I then try to register. Once I had found the elusive building, that is.

Door locked? Oh there is a buzzer entry system. '

Bzzzz'.

“Hello?”.

“Ah, hello I am here to register with you?” I said not feeling too good but do not know what is going on.

“Oh everyone is on lunch, you have to come back at 2pm”.

Ooh boy.

I was feeling .. well, not right. I ended up having a Mighty Malt drink thinking that would perk me up a little but I just got worse. I returned and pressed the buzzer .. no answer.

I walked away and sat down.

Eventually as it turned out when you buzz they open the door but I did not hear anything and assumed someone would speak to me when I buzzed.

I am still not registered .. apparently despite it being a GP Surgery for people with no fixed abode, which I am currently with blame entirely on the public services, you still need to be sent away and told to come back. To register. Despite having the completed forms.

Yeah I felt this was not going to work out.

I got a big message about that when I tried to get back ..

• Ran out of energy repeatedly
• Had to sit down several times
• Had to stop several times and just lean on my stick with one hand with the other resting on my left though
• Kept asking myself what in the f.. is going on
• Had palpitations but not strong .. this was just no energy
• Hand on my chest a few times as I wondered if my heart was actually slowing down and this is why I was getting out of breath?!

I really, really .. thought I was not going to get back here and the mere thought of trying to get back to this place was terrifying me and I did not want to go through that again!

Now I am at my wits end wondering how I am going to get around this?!

Well .. that is .. after I fell asleep for an unknown length of time, regardless of how much I fought the urge to fall asleep. I did think about going over to the park but any more walking was really, really .. off-putting even though it is only about 50 metres away. In fact this must ge the first day in many weeks I have not visited the park. Only days I can think of was when I got some photographs of Sedge Warblers when I was in fact in another location, a marsh, and on my bike.

Oh my God.

Jesus Christ is this how modern life or just life n the UK is going to be from now on?

You have a condition that can kill you at worse or put you through a lot of grief and anxiety at best and your forced to do things over and over that aggravate all of this?! It is sheer utter madness and goes against all of the oaths that they swear to.

Considering that the last eight (had to edit this) surgeries ..

• Forest Road Medical Centre (Over Haitus Hernia)
• Carlton House Surgery (Over foot pain, Anxiety left me when I had taken ovedose)
• Dr Rooban's Surgery (Over drug amounts)
• Abernethy House Surgery (Over drug amounts, inguinal hernia, drug types and false accusations)
• Willow House Surgery (existence of NHS departments and specialists and existence of drugs)
• The Town Surgery (by ommision and missing Hypomagnesemia stuff not referring over Hypertension, messed drugs about that did not work)
• Devaney Medical Centre (Missed cause to heart stuff in medical records giving out drug I did not want, had previously and stated does not work .. did not care)

.. got it wrong and/or lied .. what are the chances anyone that has been through all that is really over-keen on getting registered with yet another surgery when they have a 100% failure rate?!

It is funny too as I have not told a single person about the difficulties I have had today .. not to anyone's face or by phone or even by text message.

Cannot help wondering how long that will be, outside of my daughter when she calls.

Everyone wants to talk about their gripes .. even the trivial ones and the others not quite on my scale and .. people rarely ask my about mine and yet .. I am thinking maybe this is because they do not want to help? This just occurred to me.

I was thinking earlier how if no one knows what difficulties your having then they do not know whether you need help or not, though I am not sure how they could even help.

But then I thought maybe this is their way of avoiding the help by way of not knowing because if something goes wrong down the line they can say to each other ..

'Oh well if I knew things were this bad I could have offered help!'

Yeah well you first off have to know and you also need to .. ask or even allow the other person to speak and not just reel of insignificant or trivial things like they are the end of the world? Lol.

Oh and tonight I have a bunch of people on Facebook who are quite obviously naïve and saying that “Any good solicitor will tell you the correct procedure is to go through the complaints process” and referring to the NHS no less.

What?! What?! You have to be fucking kidding me?! Really?!

They are probably the same people wondering how the NHS are getting away with stuff .. even murder. Well .. duh! Because naïve people believe you need to follow the convoluted process, or intended obstacle, they throw up in front of you.

As I said to them .. it is like going around to a burglar, pre or post burglary, and asking him to play nice?! Stupid!

Besides that the GP practice I have not been with for months, since around September 2017 and therefore wont have access to my records. I asked for that and did not even get the full fucking records, only the last two years with the important part that has cost me everything missing from it as if it was fully intended?!

This omission is not nly convenient it makes a test on my medical records look accurate when it was not. Possibly also the intention .. except they must have known I was already Hypomagnesemia as despite never being mentioned along with everything else .. Osteopenia is on it and that is just one of several signs of it. A testable sign of it. This was missed by the same GP that said I had the aforementioned Hypomagnesemia. That does not include the fact that my long suffering from anxiety, tiredness (like today) and other things are down to this. Like my palpitations and tachycardia which as also on my medical records.

What .. POSSIBLE fucking outcome would you possibly get from pointing out to the people that have lied and made serious mistakes that you now know about this?!

I have put this same question to Slater & Gordon as I am quite dumbfounded by this and as for that Facebook page to do with medical negligence in the NHS?

Yeah well I am a member of two pages on this subject and god knows how many others there are but am wondering if this is a government scheme to catch people with complaints?

Arg. Yeah I did not post this straight away and now I have a pain my chest. Go figure!

I lose track sometimes of the pains I have in the course of a day now .. hmm ..

• Feet
  • Plantar fasciitis in reverse
  • Fibromyalgia
• Chest
  • Pain, Palpitations, Arrhythmia, Tightness, Breathlessness
  • Long term effects of the missed then ignored Hypomagnesemia
• Teeth
  • Decay they couldn't figure out but now Hypomagnesemia
• Eye Socket
  • Told was Dermatitis but is Behcet's Disease it now turns out

Added to this

• Anxiety
• Nausea
• Tiredness though not every single day
  • First thought Fibromyalgia but now could be Hypomagnesemia
• Memory Loss
  • First thought Fibromyalgia but now could be Hypomagnesemia
• Right Knee though not every single day
  • A completely separate and a physical thing
  • Cannot recall what it was .. was clutching my knee in pain as he pointed out what it was
• Hips
  • Ache half the time, thankfully not every day

In the summer this is accompanied by ..

• Body Overheating

If I try to go anywhere with anything heavy in a bag ..

• Shoulder
• Back
• Intense Stomach Pain that can last 12 to 24 hours
• Vomiting

Occasional ..

• Ankle Clicking (Achilles Tendinitis of 20 years plus from what I now know to be Behcet's Disease)
• Toe Locking (Left foot only middle toe locks)
• Metatarsalgia (Also left foot only)

There are long list of others that are only occasional or even one offs that could potentially come back ..

• Costochondrytis (yeah .. really do not want that coming back .. EVER!)
• Many others I cannot recall and can not be bothered to look up

It really is the illness from hell itself ..

That has several fatal aspects that you simply cannot .. measure or estimate in any way, as far as I know.

Unless there are some tests or scans I have yet to come across? Hmm deciding to look ..

A magnesium test may be recommended as part of a series of tests if you have symptoms such as nausea, weakness or cardiac arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat). You may have abnormal levels of magnesium, calcium or potassium in your blood.

I guess they just forgot about my previous low magnesium diagnosis or forgot to text magnesium levels or did and forgot ask me me if I was taking anything .. which again they would have gotten from my medical records .. if it is actually there of course?!

And from the NHS' own website too, lol ..

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/magnesium-test/ 

Then there is everything to do with my daughter to think about ..

• Hypomagnesium
• 'S' Protein Deficiency
• Behcet's Disease
• Cervical Cancer
• Autism in granddaughter that is s
• Severe
• Violent
• Doesn't sleep
• Home not big enough
• Not getting proper financial help
• Not getting the EXTRA financial help
• Forced to work
• No one at all to depend on or rely on
• Did have me for a bit but
• Evil Trinity Struck to save money

If you are not aware .. there are two media publications out and a big one coming and they have gotten bigger with each publication.

More planned later in the year and I will post links on here when the next one is published .. in 

Nine days time!

EDIT:

I think I forgot to mention just for those that have similar issues ..

I had actually cycled for three days in a row in the days preceding this journey and I had wondered if this had an effect?

I had done this in the hope that the heart palpitations might die down because I realised some months ago they had gotten worse when I cycled a lot less.

I did realise this was a possibility while I was up north and my bike was not only still stuck in London I had nowhere to store it and .. no help while I was up there so could not retrieve it. When my daughter moved home the house she got was nowhere near big enough and a bike was too dangerous to have in the house with the kids.

As stated many, many times in the last four years .. I had been told to cycle because of my Fibromyalgia .. when they announced I was going to lose all my benefits I went downhill fast and I always end up not cycling when this happens.

When I had gotten out of that situation months later I had received inheritance and had bought a car so was still not cycling. In all that time my heart issues gradually became worse.

So I figured maybe .. just maybe if I started cycling again, which I have done around a dozen times in the last couple of months, that hopefully the heart issues may become less of a problem?

I also used to switch too, one day cycling one day on foot if I had to go out. This may have been helping me more than I realised too and I wondered if three days might have been too much. Also on the day immediately before this journey, two days ago, I actually deliberately stayed out longer because I have been having my old trouble sleeping.

If anyone has gone back far enough they will know I hate the insomnia crap and even last night I did not get asleep until after 5am. In fact I had decided that if I was awake after 6am I was going to go to the shop, buy a Monster drink and sit in the park.

I am somewhat surprised that I woke up before 10am!