The temperature has risen faster than I can handle and I have currently not slept all night .. at all and when I state 'not a wink' I really do mean it!
I had managed to do three photo shoots since Sunday. One was at a Gardening Club and I went with someone else in their car. Still missed 25% of stuff with my .. edginess over pain.
Went out by bus somewhere and over did it two days later.
With another days gap in-between I was undecided and worried about getting to two places nearby .. figured first one was only short bus ride and I can always come back. Tried to get to Alexandra Palace but only made it to Finsbury Park. Then had trouble coming back.
I had a series of chest attacks and lost count of the number of times I stopped and was either bent over my walking stick, waiting for the palpitations to dissipate or sitting down and even lying down at one point waiting for the same.
I do not know how but I got back to where I am staying .. sorry as I can not bring myself to call it home .. it is the house from hell in all manner of ways, stressing me out and .. a 6ft by 9ft room that does me little favours.
But at least I got out!
I had planed to try and get to Alexandra Palace today but .. if I was unsure before it is an absolute definite now! No effing way!
Bah humbug!
Also if this insomnia becomes a permanent presence as it was for several years .. several years back I am screwed ..
.. because I wont make it to the court hearing and will lose because I have not turned up .. despite turning up to the lest one, the three before that and even turned up one day when there was not a court hearing on?! I was a week early. Did not know I actually had memory problems back then, well I .. did or rather, that they were linked to a condition called Fibromyalgia.
Still any excuse to railroad any of us ..
- Oh you did not win because you did not turn up ..
- Oh you did not win BECAUSE you turned up and are therefore fit
Oddly the people supposedly helping me .. have not said a single thing to me about challenging this no-win situation which surely cannot be legal?!
So along with the usual feet thing my back and shoulders have been killing me some days .. anxiety is killing me, heart palpitations and tightness and now Sleepless in Seattle, except without a sniff of a beautiful caring and intelligent woman, all over again?
Oh how I thought it would be cool to have something happen to me like Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail? Except when it did it was .. violent. Yeah .. unfortunately for the NHS this was not me but my ex who used to love to just attack me, even with heavy and sharp objects. I ran away so quick I left a car behind I could not get to start!
More like Sleepless in Hell and You've Got Nails?! Lol.
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