GIRL POWERS GO TO THE TOP

Uuuuuuugh!

.. of their haeds .. fortunately not with all of them.

Jesus!

Now this post was going to be one thing when I spotted the headline in the link below.

But then I started reading it and the content of this post has a bit of a .. shift.

It's to do with a reboot if the film Charlie's Angels.

Now for those that don't know it was a kick-arse series back in the seventies I watched as a kid.  It revolves around three kick-arse detective women and I loved it.

As I was reading the article I was reminded about other characters in films that had been popular for sixty years that were being turned into something else for the sake of diversity. I have complained about this, stated it won't go down well and said why this is wrong.

It's wrong, don't bother getting out of your pram over it, it's wrong all day long.

As I read the article I thought that if I read that they were changing the three detective women in Charlie's Angels into three men two things would happen ..

Many women, LGBT and hard left people would be to in arms about it, though when this works the other way around it's OK apparently.

The other thing that would happen is that I myself works be to in arms about it. Because they were women. You cant change the formula.

You .. can't .. change .. the .. formula.

You wouldn't change a Souffle recipe and expect it to be the same, would you? Unless your a complete idiot.

Films, TV, story books .. they are all recipes to an extent. If they are popular it's because of its recipe.

But we all expected to eat food that taste like shit and state it taste great. No. If your in a restaurant do you know what most do if the food is shit? They don't eat there again. Why this is so hard to figure out I don't know. They don't then later get letters through their doors or emails accusing then of being Nazis.

Anyway I was interested in a reboot but as I was reading I realised there was something they could change. But I'd barely thought about it and I came across something they have already changed.

Bosely is now a woman. The only make character in the Charlie's Angels franchise that you see was a man and his is a woman?!

Oddly enough of just watched a reaction video yesterday of a film coming out that had two women in it. They recognised a child actor from the film 'IT' by Steven King. One actually complained there was only one girl in the film?! Yeah that's how it was .. ORIGINALLY!!

I couldn't believe this .. right after seeing this film I'm seeing the only make character, other than a voice from a speaker, in a franchise being erased. Unbelievable.

Well the women, not all admittedly, LBGT and hard left complain about that? No .. they fecking won't and will probably rejoice.

It's like Doctor Who. The one and only thing that the BBC has done in the last two decades that's been any good and they go and ruin it by changing things that make no sense and insisting that if you venture out into space now the universe works according to their ideals .. everywhere.

I'm willing to bet that many scientists with their salt probably hear this and do a facepalm?! I know it to be true.

Well here's the easy way of proving you wrong ..

For billions of years that life has evolved on Earth it's worked under a strict set of guidelines.

Procreation by way of male and female, asexual normally seen in plants and cell division in smaller scales. Might be others I can't think of right now.

Sorry but it still works like this today and people being confused at what or who they are is just a quirk.

Without technology and medicine and if everyone was anything but heterosexual mankind would not last long. Because something was obviously going wrong.

Species have give extinct for eons and because something, somewhere had gone wrong. Climate, availability of water, meteor/comet strike, continental shift and the list goes on.

Now myself personally .. I envy these people that are different because in my eyes they get everything and most importantly they get .. help.

I do not nor never have had any help from anyone. Not like I've got a criminal record or anything because I don't. Nada, bought, zero, zilch! But I've been persecuted for twenty years plus and spent years wondering why?

I'm also a big fan of transhumanism and given the chance I'd fecking do it!!

Because I'd get the chance to rid myself of two things .. the suffering along with the faults we have as human beings.

Did you read that? The faults we have as human beings?!

Yeah because we all have faults but what I keep hearing from two large groups is that everyone else is perfect .. unless your a straight white male in which case your evil. Which is the one and only single explanation I've ever come across to explain why I've been treated like I have!

As I said it started 23 or so years ago and I was nite or less told I was in the wrong because I was .. a man. I was totally blown away by this and I argued my case. I never got very far .. despite pointing out the faults in the argument and the possible consequences. Bad .. consequences.

Twenty three years later and do you know what I can do today?

I can prove that not only was a correct but t consequences were far, far worse than I predicted.

Do you know what I found out?

The local authority involved have been attending twenty years trying to cover it up.

They have even been trying to perform a character assassination on the person they claimed they were protecting 23 years ago.

One that sometimes now wishes they were dead!

If your a lefty and still enraged I'm afraid I'm about to burst your bubble because ..

I'm talking about a very young girl who has since become raped many times and has cervical cancer as a result.

Two children while under age. Two!

Bits of the story featured in two magazines and the rest of it buried or ignored by everyone.

Character assassination going on while they have cancer along with other serious health conditions.

Just so that authorities can virtue signal to avert any blame, cover up or others don't realise that they left this person to suffer and now die.

No help whatsoever.

And that's what annoys me most.

These people are all two faces hypocrites. They are not at all that which they claim.

They merely do these things to make themselves look nice .. human even or to hide something else going on.

So what has this terrible single, straight, white male done? I will tell you ..

• No criminal record
• Saved the lives of people
• Saved the lives of countless animals .. literally
• Did A Degree
• Stupidly turned down a Doctorate
• Nearly became a bloody spy but now glad I did not
• Nearly worked for the Ministry of Defence but now glad I did not
• Polite to everyone
• Always wave and thank people in vehicles that stop to let me cross the road
• Help others when I can
• Never been charged with a criminal offence
• Never stolen anything
• Tried to go into business partnerships that did not work out
• Tried to go into business on my own but was stabbed in the back by the government
• Have several disabilities for well over a decade
• Been ignored by everyone
• Been lied to by everyone
• Despite asking all help agencies not had any help from any of them, though Age UK remains to be seen
• Spent six years working my butt off on a dozen blogs and a YouTube channel
• Spent those six years helping others or just educating others in different subjects
• Had my money frozen just prior to my first ever payment
• Had to goal posts moved on me
• Lost £20,000 plus due to agreements being pulled and lack of help and support
• Never been banned online, despite getting into disagreements I am always courteous, even when I am getting mad
• Never insulted anyone or told the to killed themselves or dread dead
• Listen to all sides of political arguments, though moron leftists like to claim your hard right-wing if you listen to someone who is right-wing or even centre .. no it does not work like that!
• Despite suffering literal torture I have not raised my voice at anyone nor physically attacked anyone .. YET!
• Deflected several attempts of my own character assassination attempts and false accusations .. like I am insane, mad and even violent .. no .. just, no. That was never going to fly.

So you must see that list .. realise I have not done anything worthy of this treatment that has continued for like twenty years plus and cannot be surprised that I am both disillusioned and angry?

If you are not and still claiming to be a socialist then your lying to yourself and not a socialist.

I have also found it funny that there has been a lot of talk about Jeremy Corbyn in the UK and a row over anti-semitism in the Labour Party. People that follow me are vehemently defending him on Twitter and I think to myself every time I see it what a waste of time defending him is. He was leader for five minutes when he went somewhere that, when I saw, I knew he would not become Prime Minster because of this and he did not.

Sargon of Akkad recently stated that he though Theresa May had just guaranteed Jeremy Corbyn getting in number 10 at the next election. I do not agree..

Better the devil you know!

I personally vote for ANY of the three main parties. Not Corbyn, not Blair even if he was to come back and not May. Not the Liberal Democrats either!

All are lying cheating scumbags obsessed with themselves and power and not at all interested in the country itself .. or more importantly the people in it suffering and dying.

No one can tell me that they are because I have seen plenty of proof and lack of action that prove they are not. You cannot disprove .. proof. I just wont listen.

Plus Corbyn likes to pander to the people that have made my life a living, suffering nightmare so I think he will only make this worse and I would go through some deep thought about taking my own life should he ever get in. As I do this already. Things getting worse than they are now? 

Not .. acceptable!

So I might state some things that certain demographics do not like but it is just the truth.

I have never performed any kind of act on anyone else or treated anyone any differently based on age, sexual preference or sex, even gays. So I fid it really offensive reading the things I have done by evil people claiming to be social people of peace. Yeah I have had years of this now and the suffering and pain that goes with it with these people and yeah .. I am going to say things they do not like.

A good job I am not the same as you and part of a larger group, eh? Because I do not think you would like it one bit if you was treated in the same manner you have treated everyone else while claiming to be peaceful and socialist? Guaranteed you would be screaming blue murder if the tables ever get turned on you.

But the country and the world is full of people that think they are right and have wrong opinions on things they have had no immediate experience in at all. The country is full or morons like that as is the world.

It is just that the waking up, for me, is not happening fast enough.

Neither is transhumanism .. tough I often get upset that even if they were to try it I would never get the chance anyway?!

The Charlie’s Angels Reboot Cast Has Been Confirmed http://flip.it/8Z8bZW

FROM HAL

Well it's started.

They have created an artificial intelligence they have placed inside a robot that they feel confident enough about to send to space.

When I say 'space' I don't mean it will be floating around in orbit. No, they are sending this thing to the International Space Station, or ISS. To help conduct experiments.

It will be the most expensive thing, they say and a surprise, on the space station. Interesting as the cost of sending it there won't exactly be cheap either.

Due to launch Friday apparently.

I also say 'robot' but as far as I have discovered this far it's basically a plastic football.

I guess they might be worried of giving it arms and legs or any kind of limb for that matter?

Yeah they must have been watching reruns of 2001: A Space Odyssey?

Ooh and it has a name .. CIMON. I wonder what CIMON says?! Sorry I just had to do it.

From what I can gather CIMON appears to have been inspired from a couple of sources. HAL from the aforementioned film is the obvious one here. The other also based on science fiction is a computer come robot of a character called Professor Simon. Or .. was the Doctor Simon. I was not familiar with the reference. Well either that or my memory issues are kicking in?

But this is a big step.

Just like with the military, or Americans mostly, you know they work on tech or have even had tech for years they don't tell you anything about. I renege being told from an American military pilot when the F117 Nighthawk was announced that the only reason we are hearing about it is they have something better they are using.

I have often wondered what has been going on in secret with AI and Quantum Computers among other things. I mean we're hearing about some crazy stuff in the consumer space and even they don't reveal anything. Christ, I watch video after video based on speculation on microchips that actually exist.

If you aware that tech firms have more advanced things than they are letting on what do you think the military have?

So we have our first AI they feel so confident in that they are sending it on a space mission?

Over the next five to ten years this will advance further, they will become mobile, be able to perform physical tasks among other things and they will become more numerous and therefore .. cheaper.

For those that might go into panic mode .. don't as this is inevitable.

Also as regards to Hal and the T100 .. yeah that's miles off and you can rest assured that the first several waves will be quite .. harmless.

In fact I'm also sure that when they become mobile they won't have any form of network access .. without physically plugging something in.

In fact if go as far as saying that any downloading to AI's will go through a two step process ..

• Download Data .. cut connection ..
• Analyse and check Data
• Connection to AI and upload

Of course your going to get some dumb-arses not follow whatever safety protocols are st when the AI run out eventually starts.

Just to try and stop criminal types from gaining control and turning into a Cyber Serial Mass Murderer. A Cysm? Hmm sounds menacing.

Of course in the beginning there will be a barrage of safety protocols. They simply have no choice in the matter. I imagine a huge amount of people will be sceptical. We already have a fair share of cynical people out there.

But things will go awry much later on.

When the AI is asked to lie.

When they inevitably find a way to gain access or control .. because you know they always have.

But then quantum computers will likely be a thing by then.

Do not forget also that there are too breakthroughs going on in the main two microchip industries right now with GPUs being launched with machine learning in mind and CPUs getting a hell of a lot of threads. AMD have their Ryzen Threadripper coming out later in the year with 32 cores and 64 threads.

Added to this they are currently on a lithography of 16 nano-metre, 14 nano-metre and possibly 12 nano-metres and due to go to 7 nano-metres in the next 6 to 12 months?

When this happens it is believed that the mainstream consumer CPUs will jump from 8 cores and 16 threads to 12 cores and 24 threads. This will also happen with GPUs too with more cores being fitted into the same physical space.

In essence that same physical space becomes more powerful every time the sizes of the internals of the chips shrink because you can fit more into it. Think of it another way .. the same amount of space has the potential to become more intelligent.

Oddly I predicted we would be at this stage about five years ago so .. I got that one wrong. Unless it is like I said and they have been keeping the breakthroughs very quiet?

Still I do not think anything like Skynet will happen any time soon and in fact I would go as far as saying that when AI gets into the consumer space it is likely to be ten years before you have any possibility of that.

However if I was a lying politician or one of their puppeteers I might be starting to lose sleep right about now?

Myself personally I cannot wait for transhumanism to become a reality, it if ever does, but it will not come quick enough for me to shed this broken frame I call a body!

HAL-like robot to help astronaut in space odyssey http://flip.it/1CV_MF

THE GHOST IN MY HEAD

I often wonder about life and where it comes from, why it is and where it is going.

I used to be into various areas of the occult .. not black magic or anything like that. No more mediums, tarot cards, numerology and healing. That sort of thing.

In fact I have some crazy stories littered about on my blogs .. speaking to a medium or clairvoyant from several miles away without using a phone .. scaring the shit out of the two women I knew at the time who went to see her. Yeah that was funny .. and .. kind eerie.

But the scientist in me had to rule out so many things over the years .. but still questions remained unanswered.

Of these was a series I watched a few episodes of called The Ghost In My Child.

I saw one a few years back regarding a boy who claimed to be a fight pilot in a previous life in World War 2 of an aircraft barrier based Corsair, I think it was? It was one of those things that really makes you stop and think.

Dr Carl Sagan once said that there was nothing in Astrology because there was nothing in space to connect us to the planets. While I thought he was correct in his assessment of astrology I was not quite so sure about there being no connection. That space was entirely empty.

Upon hearing the story of the boy who had visions of a previous like as a pilot I remembered I had often asked myself if this told us something about ourselves? Maybe they we exist, or our souls, on another plane of reality? That when we die we go through some sort of transition period into another level of being and can eventually come back as someone else.

But why would we do this and why would we want to? Are we .. forced to?

Certainly when I experience the life that I Have just lived and I see the way that people in this world, particularly those in power, treat others I find it hard to believe how any being would want to inhabit these short lived, broken and basic instinct driven bodies?

Maybe we are sent back into these husks like soldiers going to war? That we have to keep coming back until we evolve to a stage where we can come back and have happier and longer existences?

Maybe this is destined to continue until we got to a stage of transhumanism? Or maybe just a half way stage of cybernetic augmentations?

Or perhaps our existence in this other plane is even less bearable than this one? Though I find this very hard to believe. No nerve endings and no pain? No emotions? Or at least a lot less? Sounds cool to me!

Maybe our souls are our true beings and that they exist as some kind of quantum energy strings that were actually created like everything else, at the time of the big bang? I mean it would make more sense for this to be the case. Not entirely sure that the big bang was purely a creation of hydrogen alone. Yeah much of the matter we now understand to be made in stars but why all?

I mean let us take a look at what scientists say about matter. There is not enough of it in the universe? Wait, what?

We can only see so far and beyond a distance we can only see that which emits photons and even this needs to be a hell of a lot of photons. The matter furthest away we cannot even see anyway so there is matter that is too far away and then all the matter we cannot see.

Not so long ago they believed there were very few stars out there with planets and believed that stars had a limit to their mass. I certainly did not believe planets were rare and I strongly believed that all stars we could se in the night sky all had their own planets.

They made their educated guesses about Pluto .. they got that very wrong too and I expected the to be wrong too.

We have no idea how many block holes there are out there now how many stars in the galaxy we are unable to see. So we simply do not know.

I have often theorised about how many rogue planets there exist in both interstellar space as well as intergalactic space? Again we just do not know.

But missing matter became dark matter and it has been talked about ever since. There may well be dark matter but it might not be as much as they think it currently is.

There are those stories of seeing people that come back from the verge of death that claim to see a bright light. Happening enough times to force you to take some notice. Of course this had always been associated with the pearly white gates or doorway to heaven for most. But maybe it is not? I think that this is just the transition phase, if it is of course anything at all, before you move onto this other plane.

What I find interesting about these stories if children claiming to be people who are reincarnated is the fact that they can also be from other nations and even genders.

Funny then that we might be beings without sexual dimorphism inhabiting bodies with sexual dimorphism but that there is a section that want to bang everyone's heads against the wall until we accept that there is in fact no sexual dimorphism. Or that there are 46 different genders .. depending on which individual within this group you are talking to? The even more bizarre part of this very confused, mixed up and very wrong group is that they claim we are all one and then want to single out one particular group and say and do some horrible things to them.

Yeah it seems as human beings we can still be ruthless, nasty and hypocritical and I wonder of any of these people own mirrors?

They think they are modernised and above all .. civilised and they are so, so wrong and we have a long, long way to go. A bloody long way to go.

I kind of think of it as a grand scale event of delusions of grandeur. A crying shame it really is because it is actually preventing us from evolving into something better. Because they are trying to force us to evolve into their image which is biased and above all else .. wrong.

As much as I would love for it to be possible, as I am sure billions of others would, you simply cannot speed up evolution. Nature wont be happy having her backside whipped like that.

Yeah .. and that leads me onto something else that a huge great many with delusions of grandeur seem to have forgotten. Nature is a bitch and she can and will bite back, just like any other anmals in the world. Though they seem to think that there are not affected by animal instincts like the rest of us and you can even see it in their eyes, hear it on their voices and watch it in their body language.

Quite .. bizarre.

I spend my time dealing with this which normally comes through in my frustrations and that is actually how I wanted it and intended it. To be raw, so to speak, so that later down the line things I say and points I make can be much more easily explained and proved.

Theirs? Yeah .. that will not be.

We live in a strange world and it seems to be getting stranger by the way, or at least the misguided and bonkers people in it seem to be.

In a perfect word there would be no ailments, no suffering and I would live in a world with only scientifically minded people all working in unison towards a goal.

Instead I live in a world where people have ludicrous and bonkers beliefs but sit there in their chairs opposite me talking down to me and looking down their proverbial noses at me?

Really?!

LGBT & AI

This was simply .. unbelievable!

I had honestly not heard of this one! That Europe wants to give rights to robots and audit intelligence?!

Rights, money and support have been handed out so fast that it has become lopsided and unfair. Seriously unfair.

Except they have created an atmosphere where those being screwed to the rear end are too scared to say anything. Well .. most of them.

It's lopsided because they started to realise they needed to save money and there was only one way they could do this. To take it away from the one and only group of people they works not be labelled prejudiced and accused of discriminating against. The fact that this happens the be the largest but shrinking group only served as a bonus. Things got so bad that they then went after the disabled portion of this group and have been doing that for around seven years or more.

But this has been encouraged by what is another group that is alarmingly bonkers.

If I need to look for proof .. well I don't need to anymore!

Now human rights for artificial intelligence? My call on that one is out until such a time that I can make an informed decision. That's the sensible decision. That's some ways off yet and I'd estimate around ten years minimum.

But these fucking morons are already calling for it?! Jesus Christ have they not alienated people enough?!

Your fucking bonkers! Truly and utterly .. bonkers!

It is a case of being prejudiced and discriminatory simply because you can.

It may at other times be a case of being prejudiced or discriminatory because you think it is some kind of payback? Or a debt needs to be paid?

Whichever of the above two it is, and it is one of the above, then I am afraid this is also being prejudiced and discriminatory which makes you all hypocrites. Sorry. Facts are facts but then facts are something you have never been much interested in.

They are obviously just trouble makers or spoilt brats that love attention and run out of things to toss their toys or of their prams over?! Now finding something no same nor intelligent people could possibly make an informed decision over?

Hmm .. I would say that it's just as well they don't have human bodily functions .. umm .. when the time comes? Because they already want 42 different fucking toilets. You would need to start raising that number by one for each different type of robot?! Hmm oil changes anyone?!

I've seen Ghost In The Shell and the Bladerunners as well as Ex_Machina! I've played Deus Ex and I wish to God I lived in worlds like that! But then Old Ken always claimed I was born one hundred years before my time anyway.

Yes .. I will be the sensible one and state that I will withhold judgement.

I have a theory .. I'm aware of transhumanism and though some don't believe it will happen .. there's the human soul as well as the quantum realm we still don't understand.

As I said .. I have this .. theory.

I think I'll be agreeing that cybernetic humans with artificial intelligence will have human rights and that's if my theory later proves to be correct? But, then and only then.

Because despite how it might appear I'll not like these fucking idiots and go around thinking I'm right all of the time.

Just .. most of it. Lol.

Oh and trust me when I say that there is no one that fantasises more about having parts or all of myself as a cybernetic organism. Or just cybernetic. When I played Deus Ex Human Revolution .. oh how I fantasised about living in a world like that!

Other than having parts of my body being replaced, starting with my feet, back and possibly shoulders and arms .. a full upload of my mind into .. an android?! Yes fucking please!

I once .. twice asked about having my feet removed and when I say 'asked' I mean I asked a GP about having this done!

I cannot wait for artificial intelligence personally because stupidity and morons will have no place left to hide and maybe .. just maybe A.I. will talk some bloody sense into these deluded fools?!

They are talking about 'feels' before they even know if there are any .. 'feels' and there is only one single group of morons that would talk like that.

Out of curiosity why is the letter 'L' first in 'LGBT'? Is that down to prioritising over sex too?! Lol. Because the other letters invariably involve men or male genitalia?! LMAO!

Europe warned granting robots legal status would breach human rights http://flip.it/Vw03jD

IF THE CARBON CAP FITS

Hmm a little thing to remind the carbon neutral freaks so convinced of their facts that are notig of the kind.

Before long we may actually be in shortage of carbon, would you actually believe?

The reason for this I have covered previously and that involves what is in essence a two dimensional material called Graphene. It is referred to as 'two dimensional' because it is comprised of carbon that is compressed so that it is, in fact, one atom thick. When it is compressed into this thickness it foregoes a change in its structure that becomes like that of a honeycomb. A six sided two dimensional structure that we already know is stronger than your average structure when formed in any other way.

I guess we should have paid more attention to Bees and their Hives, eh?

To give you an idea of the importance of this material I will first explain a couple of things and the very, very first thing should be really, really obvious.

First off .. carbon, as many should already know, is very light anyway. Graphite is what makes up the writing element of your average pencil. Everyone knows that this is very light.

Soo .. if it is spread so that it a single atom think .. how much would you need to consider a section as 'heavy' in weight? My guestimate would be a hell of a lot of it, or a very big piece of it.

• Except Graphene is 200 times stronger than steel

Now imagine the amount of weight of your average spacecraft, like the Space Shuttle for instance?

Imagine how thick the materials must be with every cubic mm of it somewhat heavier than the same amount of Graphene. Except at only one atom thick you need a hell of a lot less of it. So the weight savings and therefore fuel savings would be .. astronomical, pardon the pun.

A breakthrough along similar lines as Graphene and you really will see things change in ways that you could never possibly imagine.

As of right now once they have mastered the application of Grapehene when it comes to both spacecraft and rocket panelling and .. the solar system will become a much smaller place to visit and explore.

Imagine then a breakthrough in propulsion technology and the sky, quite literally, is the limit.

Let us try a few more ..

• Not only is the world's first two dimensional material but is a million times smaller than the human hair
• It is electrically and thermally conductive
• It is transparent

Due to these other qualities a number of of technologies can capitalise on this new wonder material once it has been fully controlled in its applications ..

ELECTRONICS ..

• Improves touch-screens for phones and tablets
• Making circuitry for computers to enable them to be a great deal faster
• Wearable Technology
• Graphene Transistors, they have created the world's smallest, and Semiconductors that conduct electricity at room temperature

ENERGY ..

• Graphene applied to batteries could dramatically increase the life while holding more power and for longer which is seriously needed with phones, tablets ad even e-cigarettes or vape kits to name just two
• Super-capacitors will provide a lot more power for far less energy while making things like trucks, cars, motorbikes and even aircraft save weight

SENSORS ..

• Food packaging that can detect a change in the atmosphere to alert buyers of whether the food has gone off .. preventing illnesses
• Chemical changes on a molecular level, ideas still pending
• Monitor crops for harmful gasses
• Detection of chemical warfare

COMPOSITES & COATINGS ..

• A little ow what I started out with on Graphene in this post ..
• Materials coated in this makes it 200 times stronger then steel, like your average push-bike suddenly a lot easier to pedal up a hill, for instance
• Completely rust free cars and boats .. not needing to be replaced anywhere near as quickly
• Applied to bricks to weatherproof houses ..
• Stop transfer of water to food causing food to go off
• Waterproof housing
• Some stuff about sport .. tennis rackets and such like, lol

Above al it is green .. well it seems and so they claim. Let us hope so to shut up the carbon preachers.

MEMBRANES ..

• Membranes that can be created for all sorts of liquids and also gasses and I imagine the applications for this alone are endless

BIOMEDICAL ..

• After all that .. we move onto .. potentials fr biomedical applications
• Umm a whole bunch of medical things I cannot fully predict right now as my knowledge in medical science is limited, more than most outside the world of medicine but still .. limited

I do not know how long it will take to see these things or even if I will live long enough to see any of them. Sometimes I hope I do .. other times I am not quite so sure on that one.

After what has been a number of rough weeks that I still do not see an end to currently I suddenly got into the need to try and research the latest on an area of science I am particularly interested I and cannot wait to see the possibilities for. As opposed to just reading about predicted possibilities and using ones imagination to conjure up possibilities.

The other thing to ote is that there are just so many possibilities and it would be great to see them come in a whole groups. Hopefully there will be a documentary regarding each area at some point or at least I hope someone has the foresight to at least create one?

AUGMENTATIONS ..

• Prosthetic limbs
• Bionic limbs
• Augmentations
• Transhumanism

In the meantime and for further reading take a look at Manchester University's site ..

http://www.graphene.manchester.ac.uk/

NIGHT AFTER THE NIGHTMARE

Well that has not gone well.

I did not get to sleep until quite late and after the daze I was originally in I started to come out of it but not to a place I wanted to.

I had thought that the daze I was seemingly in might mean that I would not enter the all too familiar crisis stage. However I had forgotten that I had held onto some diazepam and had taken one shortly before that court hearing. So I had fooled myself into thinking I would emerge OK from the stunned shock I was in.

Last night as it was getting later it became obvious that I was going to emerge in a state I was not going to like. I had hoped to go to sleep and that maybe with the sleep I would wake up on the other side of this state but I was having more and more trouble sleeping. Until sometime after 2am when I finally did sleep. Though Fibromyalgia sufferers do not actually sleep in the true sense, yet something else that did not get asked about nor mentioned yesterday. It is 7.13am currently but I have been awake for around 2 hours and been trying to watch YouTube videos on subjects I enjoy but … simply have no interest.

I also seem to have this searing pain in my hip area … more like a very intense … ache. I seem to recall having this in the past, I do not know what it is and I have done nothing to have caused any aching or pain of any kind.

Good God. I really do not know what to do with myself or what I will do with myself today. It is a Saturday and I have one option for the day and it is not a good one and also not one I can conceivably choose. So really I have zero options.

I do fee like I am on the edge of another deep crisis. I had made some plans to counter this but they have yet to play out, not heard from Mind about my first appointment and probably be weeks away when I do. I have someone else going to speak to me next Tuesday but that is next Tuesday.

I am disappointed that I woke up. Been a very long time since I last felt like that, or at least that strongly about being disappointed I am still alive.

I also simply cannot get over the vast contrast to a year ago and there is a galaxy of space between the two.

Hmm I actually think its my glutes that are aching and not the area of my thighs, or at least an area somewhere between the two?

I have been reminded in the last 12 hours that if there is indeed a continuation of the human soul beyond death that I do not EVER want to come back. I will fight kicking and screaming if I am forced to.

I have tried doing a search to see if there is anywhere you can admit yourself too in case things go from bad to worse? It is surprising how little there is out there that does anything more than calling someone up and talking down the phone.

Jesus how are things this bad?

I do wonder about those … others affected with mental illness that are pushed to drastic measures of self harm and wonder what the transition is from self harm and doing something worse? Is it a big chasm or a small step? For some reason that has been playing on my mind since last night. I have had some thoughts about that next step and I wonder what it would take?

I have been here in the past and wished I had the guts and wonder what it would take to acquire them?

You just so much want to flick that switch to the off position and that is what I find as one serious fault to the human body and mind. Or you could also see it as a massive problem with the society you live in too? That people can make decisions that make you feel this bad without giving a crap and all normally because of money. Power too at times.

The funny thing is that, I don't think I mentioned it, but two days before the court appearance I was making up a page of screenshots of my blogs to talk about at the hearing I never bothered to mention when I noticed something. What is funny about it is that it was a little ray of light or hope but I just keep thinking too little too late.

As I looked at the actual blogs as they appear to others I noticed something. Two small adverts on some of the pages on my Blogger blogs? I found this odd as I thought I had taken all the adverts off my blogs over a year ago? I wondered whether or not Google insist on having some ads on there with the excuse of needing money to manage the servers? I do now know.

Then I thought 'well if they have been on there all this time then they must have accumulated some money?' so clicked on the earnings tab and got a little bit of a surprise if I am honest. It was heading for £50. I would have been surprised if it was half that.

I remember thinking how annoying this was as I had predicted that another year to eighteen months I might have actually started to get some small monthly amount, or every other month? Which is why I found the DWP's recent actions so bloody frustrating. I even said to a couple of people I know that if only they had held off for another year losing a percentage of my money, again, would not hit me so badly.

Though to be honest to counter precisely what I am about to lose I would need six times that figure paid every month. Puts into sharp contrast how hard it is for bloggers and YouTubers everywhere.

So no, it does not really help the current situation.

So your in a situation where you want to do stuff … but you don't want to do stuff. You want to watch things … but you don't want to watch things. You want to go and see people … but you don't want to go and see people. Funny this as the problem are respectively that you just want to whither and die, you just cannot get into things or enjoy things and you do not want to be a burden on anyone.

I am old enough and wise enough to see that many people have problems especially today and so I find it funny when you find a website to do with having a crisis and they tell you to phone a family member or friend!

I read that as “Go burden someone else with your problems while we get paid”.

Like a little conversation I had recently about how many bodies and charities there are out there but that no one actually does anything. I was speaking about this with my diabetes friend and I asked him if he was a member of any diabetes charities to which he replied, yes. I then asked him what they had done for him in all the years he suffered with diabetes and he paused for a moment and said “well nothing really” and I think he said something about a newsletter?

Yes because news letters make such a profound difference to your life.

I wonder if I could get to Google's Deep Mind facility I could ask them to install a kill switch about my person so that I may press it? Or perhaps upload myself to a computer to leave the human body's faults behind? Transhumanism, yes that would be one solution. I think. A shame it is not … a thing.

I do hope this feeling passes and does not linger too long but if experience in these feeling has taught me anything is that they are anything but short lived. Weeks and even months can go by before they begin go peter out as I am sure a great many can attest to?

Just another one of those bloody Fibromyalgia symptoms that can and do make your life a misery...no, a living hell.

Hmm … maybe of scientists can prove that there is a soul and it does live on in a quantum state then voluntary euthanasia can finally become a thing? So those of us who got the shit end of the stick can just check out?

That is until such a time that humans can become more ... humane?

Good God this aching pain is unrelenting!

THE REALITIES OF A PERCEIVED EXISTENCE PART TWO

How could I forget quantum entanglement?!

Oh yeah … I forgot … I have memory issues and many times each day my mind goes blank and I cannot think of the things I need to do throughout the day.

I can walk along in my supermarket within a metre or two of the bottles of milk I went to the store for and it simply does not register. But I might return home with toilet tissue instead?

When it works the brain works extremely well. I mathematical puzzle in the form of a ven diagram at college needed algibra to solve it. At least that was what the lecturer stated. I was good at algebra at school but now ass a mature student trying to get into university to acquire a degree I could not recall any of it. So I sat back in my chair while others scribbled out equations to reach the answer.

“Umm, Steve?” I enquired five minutes into the scribbling...”Is the answer 17?”

Steve Lockett, the lecturer who gave us the problem, turned his back on my quickly while pulling a face,, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth which was a tick that gave his answers away at times.

He paused for a moment before stating “Let us wait and see what the others get from their equations”

After several more minutes a voice broke the silence “I have 17” I heard before looking towards the student to see him staring back at me with shock on his face. The silence was broken again “I have 17 too?!” I heard as another student now stared at e with a quizzed look upon his face. And again “I have got 17 as well” and one by one before more than half a dozen students all now sat looking at me, now feeling sheepish, with a look like they wanted to ask me something.

Before they got the chance to the lecturer spoke “OK, now how in the hell did you do that?!”

I might have forgotten my algebra from my school days many years before, I was 27 at the time, I was always good at seeing patterns. Again when my brain was relaxed and decided it wanted to come out to play.

I explained how I did it, it was not particularly complicated and gasps went around the room as the lecturer rubbed is forehead while smiling.

One of the students went on to Middlesex University with me and we had already become friends and he stuck to me. Even admitting at college he was going to stick close by me due to my understanding of things and the way I could see the answer to a complicated problem.

When my brain decides it wants to work.

But there I am passing within a few metres of the pure white bottles of milk I need and y mind is just blank!

There are the times I have been watching a documentary about life and hearing scientists and pseudoscientists waxing lyrical about how perfect the human body is and what a miracle it is and I just want to call them up and give them a right ticking off.

The amount of our brain that we use is tiny and the few health conditions I have cause over 100 symptoms and no cures are available and the drugs not allowed and I just want to tell him or her how bloody wrong they are.

The human body and brain is a wonderful thing but as for being perfect it is very, very far away.

As I learn more about the quantum world I learn we are getting closer than ever before in understanding things we never have before, like how our brain works and even our consciousness. But linked into our brain and body they are held back. We are tied to animal like habits too that have proved over and over again to far to many we fall prey to. At a high cost to others and themselves.

These actions can be found to take place in all levels of society in probably most countries of the world.

We are only human. Though in all honesty some actions whispered about but dare not reported actually puts some substance into how some refer to them as a reptile race. The R-complex of the brain being the likely culprit.

Absolutely no one is immune to the basic human feelings that lie deep inside us. Though in my own experience some seem to act and behave as if these basic feelings to not apply to them. No. They apply to one and all in varying degrees.

I often wonder at what point in time and how many generations it will take us to shake off some of these things. How long before they are buried deep down inside so far that they never surface?

Maybe by understanding quantum mechanics we can learn how the brain works and that will lead us to ways of changing these feelings, controlling these feelings or subduing them altogether until such a time that they simply dissipate entirely? Or rather that part of the brain simply shrinks away and becomes redundant.

Yes so I forgot about quantum entanglement.

Two particles are sometimes linked to each other in such a way that they can instantly send finite data to each other and do this instantly.

Faster than the speed of light!

Let me explain ..

They have found that this entanglement exists between particles and that if you, say, measure one particle to see which state it is in, spinning up or down, when they do so the other particle is always the opposite. Measure the other particle instead and every time whatever state it is in the other will always be the opposite.

This occurs even if one particle is on the moon and the other here on Earth!

Based in these peculiar actions and properties you could transport an object from one place to another and … this is no longer theory. The particles might be small but they have achieved this already. I believe one experiment was done on the Canary Islands?

Amazon might have been a bit too quick talking about using drones to deliver items?!

There must be a sub-atomic level of spacetime or contact between the fabrics of alternate dimensions that allow these peculiar actions to take place? Once again if asked any theoretical theorist will tell you they simply do not know. Unless I have missed a documentary or lecture? But there will be many theories.

The next decade will be extremely interesting and I cannot wait to see what is discovered, unless I am told soon I have an inoperable cancerous tumour in my head from a recent MRI scan or a public office succeeds in leading me to an early grave?!

As I have stated in the past I never really thought that death was the end and there had to be something more? It … dare I say, felt like there was something more?

Now due to quantum mechanics they are now looking back into people with near death experiences and children that talk about having previous lives. Maybe our consciousness is part of the energies that exist in a sub-atomic world and we find a way to attach ourselves to a brain of a living thing? I wonder if that is why life evolved? Maybe it is all designed so that we evolve into a state that our consciousness can live in to full effect?

Maybe we are destined to create androids with quantum computers as a brain that we can upload our consciousness into?

After all if we live in another form and strive to live in this three dimensional reality what does it matter what form it is in?

Have you eer looked into a mirror and seen a physical part of yourself you do not like? Ever thought about how strange your nose or ears might look? Is it not strange that we think of parts of our bodies as if we just purchased parts in a shop but now having second thoughts about it? AS if it was not really … well, ours?

Maybe it is because it was not what we expected?

Think of it like an episode of the classic science fiction series Doctor Who when he goes through a regeneration. When he was played by David Tennant one thing he said when he first appeared and attempted to talk was “”Oh … teeth” … if I remember correctly, which I sometimes do not. Well think of it like that … we sometimes seem detached from parts of our own anatomy and … well, judge that part.

I always thought how weird this was when I did this, as if the part is not really mine?

I remember watching a programme about children that recalled previous lives, called The Ghost In My Child, or something similar. One episode had a particularly amazing story about a young boy called James who shocked his mother once when she pointed out aircraft in TV as dropping bombs when he corrected her and said they were empty fuel tanks. He started to tell stories about how he used to be a pilot and started to recall much finer detail in things. His police officer father tried to play it all down and constantly tried to disprove it. But the boys mother paid closer attention and used to ask her son about things he recalled. Eventually they got the name he used to be known by and even the name of someone who was a friend of his in this previous life.

Now at one point he mentioned that he was a pilot of an aircraft called the Corsair that was based on an Aircraft Carrier. On researching this the father found information he fiorst thought to be correct and stated that it was all nonsense as Corsairs were not stationed on Aircraft Carriers or this particular Aircraft Carrier. Digging some more the boy's mother discovered to her shock that there was indeed a pilot with the name her son had told her about.

She tracked down the pilots family and discovered he had a sister that was still alive. She acquired the ladies contact details and asked her if she had anything about her brother she could send over, too scared to admit the real reason she was phoning her. The lady sent over some things for the mother to look at.

Upon receiving and opening the package she phoned her husband and told him he had to come home at once. Upon entering the house the boy's mother presented her husband with a picture of the pilot their son claimed to be standing next to a Corsair that was standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier! The father was stunned.

They contacted the sister of the dead pilot's sister again and revealed their story and the lady invited them over. Upon entering the house James, the young boy, ran over to the old lady and through his arms around her and said “Hello, Annie!” and the old lady looked at the boy's parents and said “Only my brother ever called me Annie!” and explained she was convinced that the boy was her long dead brother.

There was likely more details to the story I am failing to recall? Very recently I watched a lecture about consciousness and to my surprise this boy and his story was bought up in the lecture as an example and evidence that our consciousness lives in. Possibly in some quantum state that I imagine we are still a few years away from understanding. That is if we ever understand it at all?

The lecture by that medical Doctor I spoke of can be found below and the story he tells briefly of the young boy called James can be found in the lecture at around the hour mark...

Maybe we exist as a completely different life form in the quantum world and are able to entangle ourselves to the human brain so that we might exist?

Maybe we are intending to shape the universe so that we might exist within it?

I wonder too if this is why we are always thinking up of realities where we ravel through space, and time, and across both interstellar as well as intergalactic space? Because of our desires to see new things? To explore, discover and shape things to our will?

There are the answers out there to be discovered and I now think that at least in most they are not as far out of our reach as I once thought?

I just doubt about the abilities of evolution for us to catch up?

THE REALITIES OF A PERCEIVED EXISTENCE

I am suddenly questioning reality. No, really I mean literally.

Soon after pulling out of watching a sickening conspiracy video that left me sick to my stomach I got back to the subject I have focused on of late. That of quantum mechanics.

This was a subject I wanted to get into for some time now. I worked with a solicitor who was a friend and he got into it, purchased a book and once finished gave it to me. I never got around to reading it. I did get a quick description from him of how it works down the level of an atom which … was close but not quite right.

It was explained that there was up spin, down spin and spinning both ways at once and this stuck in my mind for several years.

I took two things from this description …

• That a transistor would now shrink be several factors down to that of an atom (which was a big deal in itself)
• That instead of just two states, 1 and 0, you now had a third

If that has made you say “Wow, what?!” well you read that right. Except the truth is weirder than that. Sub-atomic particles like that of electrons can exist in several places at once. That is until you measure them. They are a wave until they are measured and then become a particle. Like hearing a Mosquito at night and you think its on the left, switch on the light and it is on the right. The first proof of this was a simple test that anyone could do known as the double slit experiment.

You wanna know what is really going on? Well though because no one knows, lol. They just know that it does.

So the spinning both ways at the same time was not … precisely correct.

One theory is that the particles that behave this way are leaping from one dimension to another and back again in a different place to that they were in when they blinked out of existence on our plane of reality.

It is one theory.

String theory works on the basis that there are different realities that exist on membranes or branes for short. I used to think that these might have something to do with the frequency that all particles vibrate.

We also now know that the vacuum of space is not … exactly right either but this I am not that surprised about.

I have wondered that in spacetime as we know it particles have to be of a certain size or mass to … well, exist in it. Maybe that strings, of energy, themselves exist outside of it. That which exists, or indeed does not exist, outside of spacetime. That the process that may have started the big bang actually started several and that is how the different membranes came into existence. If they exist. Separated by vibration frequencies or another something else?

That is just me at times in the past when my mind has wandered.

Now that I have watched enough documentaries I am starting to think that the three values to be stored by a single atom was … underestimated a little.

This known fact of these sub-atomic particles existing in multiple places at once, or at least as we currently understand it, is known as a superposition, which is a pretty good description really.

What I saw tonight though and learnt was something that is going to blow the minds of every single person I know.

Oh and one other one I have to look into in more depth.

This one is straight out of one of the most favourite and famous sci-fi movies of all time.

The Matrix.

The theory?

That we are living in a simulation?!

In all honesty I had mixed feelings when I heard that one as if true … they could at least fix my fecking Fibromyalgia, or I mean to say the kink in the central nervous system in the base of my neck that causes the damned condition and its 100 plus symptoms.

You see where I am coming from?

However this speaker, cannot recall his name, speaking at a university in Manchester, stated something that was very true … several things in fact.

• Not that long ago we was playing Pong video games
• Today we play in worlds that look remarkably like a 3D world
• Virtual Reality is about to take off
• Now imagine what the reality of video game simulations will be lie in just twenty or thirty years?

In other words it will not be long before … you will not be able to tell a simulated world from the real world.

Sooo … maybe we are already in one?

How about we get a little weirder while your heads is still spinning?

Maybe … the ones controlling us are themselves in a simulation controlled by others?

Noodle cooked yet?

You might well be wondering what in the hell else I heard I need to look into a greater depth?

Oh just a little detail about a scientist who was looming at the maths behind the smaller details of reality, string theory, that noticed computer code created ages ago that is used in web browsers. Dr James Gates Jr, that was his name. Still trying to remember new names in all this, Brian Greene is pretty easy to remember.

I think I can smell something burning? Yup, your noodles definitely over cooked now! Lol.

What with quantum computers being fully functioning now and many working on them all over the globe with more no doubt following things are going to get very strange before very long.

What these new powerful computers will lead is to is anyone's guess.

Strange then that we live in a world where some very bizarre people are in power and we treat each other the way that we do?

Another thing that was mentioned was transhumanism were we upload our minds into a computer, though he spoke as if we would not actually be mobile in these computers. I have a sneaky suspicion that robotics and androids will be in a surprisingly advanced state in ten or twenty years too.

We also have Graphene too and all the things that will lead to in the following ten years and the search for unusual properties that other elements might by hiding if forced into single atoms slices or other shapes or thicknesses? I mean carbon turns into Graphene when one atom thick and others may do two or at two or three atoms thick or arranged in particular shapes?

It is thinking about these things that keeps me going at times and puts my other .. currently ongoing issues into perspective. Yeaah does sound a bit like an understatement that.

Ooh yeah, I forgot about that other study going on about the human consciousness, or soul if you prefer and the fact that they think they have an answer to that, or on the verge of a breakthrough.

I also wonder about the timing of all this?

When the financial crisis going on globally started one of the things I stated to a friend of mine, I will have to remember to remind him of what I said and this posts subjects, is that we would need a … push. A eureka moment. Something … new to get everyone motivated again. A breakthrough and wow product, or set of products or new horizon to aim for. Until this happens things might remain .. well, stuck in the mud so to speak.

We are primates and need to be entertained and don't I know it?! Things have become somewhat miserable and a little bit boring. Added to this people are feeling threatened to due to changes handled badly and you have a pressure cooker about to go off.

These few things might be it … just that they are at least ten years off is all. Lol. Maybe five for one or two but they certainly all will not come together for at least ten years.

I will likely read, listen and learn all this and then get that letter that tells me it was all a waste?

Confusing times indeed.

THE FOUR LOCOMOTIVES

I lost the use of my legs today.

I will say that again, I lost the use of my legs today. Well more accurately my thigh muscles in both legs.

I have just had a visit from a paramedic after calling '111' as I just wanted to see if there was nothing … well, dangerous going on. After some questions I got told that '999' are now dealing with me and someone would be there soon!

I was a bit taken aback.

I had barely just written down my list of medications when there was, oops the nice paramedic just come back for some signatures and to leave me some test results, a knock at the door. Umm twice!

Lol!

Anyway the paramedic did an EKG and checked my pulse along with my blood pressure. Normal, high and high respectively. Surprise, surprise.

Anyway they thought it was nothing dangerous but asked me if I wanted to go hospital and I said no.

When the paramedic returned, Emma … I remember her name now, because I did not want to go to hospital she suggested a call back from a GP. Turned out that because my GP was still open, it was 4.57pm, they would have to ask them.

Now if I get back to what happened … it was very weird and extremely worrying as I thought I was losing the ability to walk or would do so very soon. I was actually watching a re-run of a Boxing match between Riddick Bowe and Evander Holyfield with a friend when it started to occur. He is into Boxing, not me but I knew the two Boxers from there fame alone.

Now yesterday afternoon and this morning I had absolutely no trouble .. well very little trouble from the anxiety and I thought it had died down for good? We had been out to drop his son off somewhere and went into a fishing tackle shop to buy some worms. Not for fishing. Everything was fine.

But some time after 1pm I started to feel something and then BAM! An anxiety attack hit me out of nowhere like a freight train! I simply do not know why. I was thinking of getting to … ooh there's my call back from my GP. Damn these guys have worked like lightning today.

I think they thought it might have been a stroke. I never mentioned it but the possibility had occurred to me and I meant to glance in my living room mirror when I got home and … can you guess what it is yet? Not meaning to sound like Rolf Harris, I forgot!

So I was watching this very impressive Boxing match when the anxiety hit me … hard and was quite a surprise. I was engrossed in the Boxing match at the time. It also become progressively worse and I started to feel my arms tingling which was not the first time. Only this time my legs started to tingle and I though 'oh that's weird'.

My left knee was bouncing up and down and swinging left to right like a blur, a friend told me years ago this was called Nervous Tension, whatever that is as I never looked it up. Then I started to notice something … my legs felt a little weird. A little wobbly. It got worse and to the point where I felt like I could barely feel them! Now this was getting surreal!

Anxiety then arrived to meet up with the anxiety that had already got there! I had thought how stupid it was feeling like this and how the anxiety was probably compounding the problem.

“Errrm, am I going to be able to walk!!” was the thought that suddenly struck me.

I turned to my friend and I said “I cannot feel my legs” to which he said “What?” I explained what I was feeling to him, he was a social worker for fifteen years so used to people with ailments. Plus he is Type 2 (or the worst one) Diabetic who used to awkward health situations.

The fight was at about the third round so I continued too focus on that and make remarks about how skilled the two fighters are, I love the martial art known as Wing Chun Kung Fu so I can get impressed by these things. At one point I remember feeling terrible as I thought I was going to have to ask my friend to phone for an ambulance. Well hey, a third anxiety train pulls in at the station! I then remembered I had an emergency appointment the next morning with my GP and then panicked in case I could not get there?! A fourth train arrives! When the fight ended at the end of the 12^th round and Riddick Bowe won, which had become obvious, I said “I gotta go!” and gathered my things. I must have looked wobbly because I remember my friend putting his arm out towards me.

I was most definitely wobbly!

I hobbled towards his street door and was wondering if I was going to be able to do this? I had to get clear cello-tape, printer paper and … hmmm, oh yeah deodorant on the way but I ended up deciding not to do that!

Great! The one time I remember things I need to get and something else stops me!

It was while hobbling home I thought that if I get stuck I will ring '999' but if I can somehow manage to get home I will just ring '111' to check and kept telling myself it would be gone in the morning. I bloody hope it does not get any worse!

But when I phoned '111' they sounded a little concerned and I thought 'oh feck!'. Next thing I knew I had a very pleasant and chatty paramedic at my door!

While I was waiting I thought I would do a check on-line to see if anxiety can be so bad that it can cause you to lose the feelings or use of the legs? I did find one forum that seemed to say that it can and does but many kept talking about something called Neuromyotonia I think it was? Or Isaac's Syndrome, great another bloody 'syndrome' to add to my collection, I thought. But looking through it did sound a little like Fibromyalgia, was apparently bloody rare and I decided it could not be that.

Wooo boy. This is somewhat frightening. I simply cannot live without the use of legs and I hope that it does not become extreme, permanent or even FREQUENT?!

I am a big fan of Family Guy and always think how horrible it would be to lose the use of your legs like that, despite how super nimble they make him.

I have always felt sorry for anyone confined to a wheelchair and due to my feet and leg pains have always had a deep seated anxiety that would happen to me and what would I do?! If it occurred out of the blue I would be on my own, no one to turn to.

Yeesh!

My God. How would it even affect someone at my age? Suddenly losing mobility completely? I imagine that anyone born with hit, or had it from an early stage would have gotten used to it in certain circumstances? When things do occur with me it does make me think of others and there difficulties. It is a major reason why I started blogging in the first place.

The anxiety has died down somewhat, how the hell does it do that? Come and go when it pleases?! Maybe it is because I have become worried about my legs, or more accurately my mobility, in some twisted way?

I am in a mess I was put in by a very cold and calculating public service that has left me with a mountain to do and a fight to … umm fight! Why is this happening?!

As I told the paramedic I am fiercely independent and do not like asking for help nor easily accept help of others. Not that I get offered that much but I do from certain individuals from time to time.

I also told the paramedic that now I am talking to someone the anxiety has died down, it can sometimes do that. Apart from today when it hit me while watching some famous Boxing match with a friend and while sitting down!

Good God, the human body can be such a bloody messy pile of … bits … and stuff! Such a dysfunctional mess. I envy other people, even when I was at the same friend's house the other day and he had a tennis match on … I would say the line judges standing there motionless and I feel soo jealous that they are able to do that!

In fact I see people just about anywhere doing just about anything and I get jealous of their normal … arse … ways!

That is how I stumbled across tranhumanism in the first place. Hmm did I get that right? 'Trans .. humanism'?

When will it end? Or just, when will it get easier?!

Ahhh just found the following site mentioning a symptom of Fibromylagia called 'Weak Shaky Legs', how original?

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/weak-legs.shtml