NO POINTY UMBRELLAS

The title is just a bit of a joke and a reminder for me at a later date.

I was speaking to someone on the phone about a reaction I had from someone else. I explained that my situation has now gone full circle and right back to the beginning.

Everything is bullshit.

I now have yet another topic I cannot talk about even when they are talking about this subject. As that is what took place today. Terrorism.

They have forgotten that there are recordings of conversation a certain organisation that sound like they sell bad furniture was very interested in. Enough to call me about.

Yes, all that is forgotten, or simply not listened to. I do not know which and I do not particularly care.

It does show what they think of my next wave of endeavours I am now over half way through, so I wont be talking about that.

I also mentioned about not being in a good mood to treat myself to a music player, something I use every single day, and that this wont change unless I get positive feedback from either the journalists, literary agents or 'my partner in crime' who has severed their ties.

"Oh she WON'T be calling you!" was the remark I got in a stern manner.

So passing remarks are out too?!

Good God, you have no idea how much I did not want this to happen and how much now I want this to be over ... one way or another!

I have Christmas to deal with too!

I am working on something I will get to in a few days time ... hopefully it might bear some fruit?

What made things even worse is just before the statement was made I came over very weird and very dizzy?! It was almost like I had just eaten something moments before that was poisonous!

I left, could not remember what I wanted to do other than trying to find a Barber's Neck Brush that no one seems to bloody sell! I had ordered one through Amazon but once again I got an advert where the seller was on the other side of the bloody planet!! Hong Kong in this instance and it drives me wild when they do that ...

Just want you to fucking buy something so they get there slice, the sleazy twats!!

When I looked into becoming an author I also heard some really bad things said about Amazon and there was even an uprising against them by authors. I signed up on that petition when I had heard of what they were like.

I passed Costa Coffee, were the suitcase had been blown up by the bomb squad, tried looking in the 99p Store, then TK Maxx and then saw Superdrug while I was leaving and went in there.

While I was in TK Maxx, the 99p Store and Superdrug I had to use my hiking stick many times to stop me going over.

I was bouncing around the edges of the aisles and felt like that metal ball in a pinball machine!

I have no idea what it is but coming up from crouching slowly nearly had me flying off to one side.

Oddly I also forgotten other things I was meant to do, one was make an appointment with my GP to speak about the letter I left there asking to be referred over my severe back pain, an Osteopath. I might have requested something else, I do not know as I cannot remember and I forgot to go to the GP Surgery to make the appointment!

God damn it!

I am sure there were other things I forgot to do as well?

As for the sudden onset of feeling drugged? I felt like I was just going to go over to my left and fall on the floor. I remember feeling like this on the tube train coming back from Wood Green to Southgate to get to Richer Sounds. Suddenly it felt like the train, and I, was falling and I grabbed the metal bar for dear life!

Very bizarre, not a very nice feeling, I assure you. And I can handle most things as I have had to for 13 to 20 years depending on the symptoms I have.

I had already taken a Metoclopramide Hydrochloride pill before leaving the house and they have worked pretty well since I started taking them. Though I have missed a few recently as I had been feeling OK.

So I am not sure if it was the lack of amount of Metoclopramide in my system, the drugs have worn off or something else was affecting me?

The Fibrofog I already have from my Fibromyalgia Syndrome goes into overdrive at times like this, I did not know where the hell I was going at one point.

The friend I was talking to on the phone got into a conversation and I just walked home and do not even remember the walk. Come to think of it I do not even know which route I took home?!

Damn! A good job the auto pilot works OK!

As for the other crap. The one I knew I would start to get mere days before it started? As I said to my friend it so annoys me when people act certain ways and think certain ways. Their being far more unfair than that they think is bugging them.

How can you get annoyed about passing remarks especially ones that we were talking about?

How can someone decide that years of things I have done must be all bollocks because one selfish person is being thoughtless? It beggars belief, it really does!

It is actually stupid, is what it is.

I sooo want it to top and I know I have got this for many months now.

I am going to have to come up with a plan ... a plan to avoid it or put an end to it completely because it is fucking annoying and totally unfair. Do not assume that something you know fuck all about is now all bollocks ... fucking ask!

I can offer so many recordings about so many things ... including the fucking case I am not allowed to mention but now do not want to as I just want to forget about it. Due to the behaviour of others and all because of fucking egos!

I am going to have to avoid anyone with egos in the Spring and Summer of 2016 due to something else I have been working on they are not going to like. Envy and jealousy are such a big thing with people I know!

I bloody hate it, I do not get like that and it is something I hate in people.

Well at least I did not go near any strange looking men with pointy umbrellas!

A NAUSEATING UPDATE

Well not looking good.

Woke up around 3.30am and felt the nausea from the get go! Damned annoying!

Was due to visit a friend and as I opened my front door to leave it was raining. Great! Then I wondered if the low air pressure had some link to this damned nausea. I seem to recall it being heavy cloud the last few times this damned nausea occurred. Might just be coincidence.

As it has done each time it has occurred it persisted all day and was a bit iffy at times and I had the urge to vomit again. Last night I started rubbing heavily into my neck and I remembered a few times some months ago when I woke up digging my fist into my left neck. I seemed to be leaning heavily to really dig in deep to something. When I woke up fully I thought I was dreaming doing that?

Some days or weeks later, I do not recall, I woke up doing the same thing and just thought I was dreaming again. It was a little like the Twitcher devices, if I remember their name correctly, they use on a horses top lip. Like a wooden vice that you tighten which looks barbaric when watching one being used but presses on some gland that releases something that calms the horse. I remember have this odd nice feeling as I was digging my hand into my neck and thought it was some memory about a thoroughbred/appaloosa cross horse I used to care for.

One morning I woke up quicker and found I did have my left hand on the left side of my neck and was indeed leaning heavily into my hand so that it pressed into some tender region within my neck.

Whether this has anything to do with the nausea or not I do not know. It is not a million miles away from ground zero to the kink in the central nervous system that causes the Fibromyalgia Syndrome I have and all its many odd symptoms. As, of course, the nausea is within this region then it all starts to look a but suspect.

But syndromes are called 'syndromes' for a reason. They are not fully understood so it may not be listed anywhere that there is a link but does not mean to say it definitely is not linked.

Now it is 72 hours, from Monday morning but for some reason I thought it was Thursday this morning and not Wednesday. Yeah I get that a lot.

So tomorrow is squeaky-bum time, Friday the look of defeat time and then wishing to God I had moved to Sweden a few years back! Lol!

Something else I was going to type, forgot it, remembered it again and then forgot ... oooh I remember ... when I get the nausea I cannot even look at my computer monitor and even a TV screen without feeling ill!

Oh and Fallout 4, a PC game, is out on the 10th November and I will be so pissed off if I still have this nausea when that is released! Not looking good as I have had it for weeks already now!

Just had a phone-call from my friend to say I left something at his place too! Yeah I do that a lot too.

In fact my record number of returns to my house because I have forgotten something, after leaving to head somewhere, is four. I often wonder when I will break that record and it is damned frustrating when I do it. Two returns are quite common.

I am amazed of late that I have kept to all my appointments ... umm though I keep missing my Fibromyalgia Support Group meetings, lol.

A SIMPLE QUOTE ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA

This morning I was just perusing my wishlists on my Amazon account when I spotted a book, thrown up by Amazon as I have researched books quite heavily on this subject, on Fibromyalgia. I was not familiar with the title or the cover so I had a quick look.

However what I found was a rather interestingly written synopsis for the book I thought I would include here on a post along with a lonk to the book.

This brief paragraph explains to the absolute letter what it has been like for me. Bear in mind this is not for a year until they discovered it. Nor is this for two or three years until the diagnose it. No, no, no this is for thirteen years until it is I that diagnosed it and then realising I have suffered with it a great deal longer than those thirteen years. Also asking useless hospitals and GPs within the corrupt NHS about these other symptoms also.

In fact if you persue this blog a great deal and you head back in time through the archives you will find that the comments below are not only listed a great deal during the life of the blog but I list key points, ones that I REMEMBER OF COURSE, that go back over ten years.

There are millions of women and men worldwide who suffer from an invisible disease called Fibromyalgia. Often times these Fibro warriors hear insensitive questions/statements from family and friends like… “But you don’t look sick.” “Why do you stay up so late?” “Why don’t you want to come over anymore?” “Just push through it.” “Are you faking it?”. Michael R. Holien has written a little book to help usher people toward compassion and ultimately make people aware of this real and debilitating disease. Loving Those With Fibro will give you practical ways to love people struggling with Fibromyalgia.

This is just one single aspect of the utter turmail that has been my life thus far with Fibromyalgia and a prime example of the deteriating affect your life can take because a string of greedy people with titles that they do not deserve and should be stripped from them decide that telling a few white lies here and there and a bit of fobbing off is OK to save money.

As if to rub it in even more the title of said book is none other than ...

Loving Those With Fibromyalgia ... by Michael R Holien ...

and with this very brief post I can sum up not only how difficult it has been made by the NHS and its army of lying and incompetent Doctors the majority of which do not deserve the title. The the word difficult is something of an understatement and really does not do the nightmare justive. Lol.

Remember this is just one aspect, forgetting the never ending bloody list of painful areas along with the distracting and somewhat annoying symptoms.

I think on this aspect and at the best possible time for my pursuits I rest my case.

The Amazon link ...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1499294239/ref=s9_newr_gw_d79_g14_i2?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-7&pf_rd_r=0TVTQDR299VNDMRX0N10&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=455345467&pf_rd_i=468294

PS Do not forget that the Oesophagitis, Hiatus Hernia with the Heartburn and Vomiting along with the Groin Pain from an Inguinal Hernia Repair and now another Inguinal Hernia since lied about along with the, now separated from Fibromyalgia, knee pain I still need to listen to the tape to see what it is of course are separate issues.

Fibromyalgia + 4! Not including the inguinal hernia that shows no symptoms whatsosver. But then they generaly don't other than a popping feeling and protuberance. It is Gangrene and death that Inguinal Hernias can cause, if the popping and protuberance is ignored for too long. So don't! Lol.

A DANGEROUSLY CLOSE CALL

Is exactly what happened tonight and I cannot be more literal in my use of words than I have been.

I visited Sainsbury's earlier just to get out the house and I visited PC World briefly beforehand. I like cooking Chili Con Carne though normally in the winter, and I will get to that statement later. I felt like cooking it the last two days and I retrieved some mince meat, kidney beans and a hit chilli con carne mix, Colman's I think? I also wanted a bottle of window cleaner.

I did some very overdue washing up and planned to finally clean my untidy house ... AGAIN! I decided to stop for awhile and play a bit of the game I have been engrossed in on and off, Elder Scrolls V Skyrim. While I was playing I realised my fibrofog had struck yet again on something I have been doing for over a decade! An ingredient was missing from the above list! I already had shallots but I had forgotten a tin of chopped tomatoes. By now it was around 9.30 pm. After awhile I decided I had better go to the local shop for the missing ingredient.

I left my house in the dark and I decided to leave the walking stick behind. I am airways wary of going out at night with a stick as I would appear to be an easy target to undesirable people. Unfortunately I can lose the stick for short trips but not the limp. This is permanent and varies greatly.

I got the the main road at the end of my road and turned left and there were two black guys across the road walking the way I was going. I did not post them any attention and could not described them at all, even now. As I was walking I was in an area where there are no houses and there were no cars and was quiet. I could hear them taking but could not tell you what it was about. Well not until they suddenly crossed the road and were being me.

Suddenly I heard one of them say to his mate "hey, let's fuck this guy?!" to which his mate said "NO! I'm not gonna duck this guy!" and I thought 'What the hell are they on about? 'Let's such this guy'?!' To which I then thought 'OH! They are talking about me!!'

For the longest time I thought that eventually I would be seen as an easy target and assaulted but never thought it would happen here in Enfield?! I ignored them and did not look round and was readying myself and thinking that I did used to tell myself this day would come one day. I hoped that the friend's refusal to do as his mate suggested would mean that nothing would happen. But they were dangerously close to me and I started to concentrate on listening to their footsteps. Of they increased in frequency then they would be running up being me. But first of all it would suddenly go quiet before the footsteps increased in frequency and volume.

Then it suddenly went quiet! Now I could hear the footsteps clearly but remained the same in frequency, volume and distance. I carried on as if nothing was going to occur. Then the pitch changed and the steps they took around muffled and continued to drop in volume.

This was unexpected and I was confused as to why this was. Eventually I could not hear any footsteps at all so I looked round to check and the two of them were gone!

As it turns out there was one single road which was a dead end but had several buildings of flats within.

I thought maybe the guy who said he did not want to do what his mate suggested might have said that because he lived there and it was too close to home? There is an old saying and it applies to both love rats and criminals. It states 'Don't shit on your own doorstep!'

This is something that some idiots I was unfortunately acquainted with did. The idea behind it is that if you do then you will get caught and it will only be a matter of time!

Oddly I think many people, mostly men I admit, seen to think the statement is nothing?! Poor, naive fools! I have seen many people disregard that old saying over the years and then watched as their works collapses all around them! I cannot say, or think of any, that were not deserving of what they got coming. Even if there was more to the story than meet my eyes at the time.

I retrieved my tin chopped tomatoes and on the way back I thought they might lay in wait for me. I spotted two guys across the road but they were in lighter clothes and the first two were in black clothes. So I paid them no attention whatsoever. But by the time I reached the road the first two disappeared down I completely forgot and did not check up the road or behind some low walls in case anyone was there! In fact I only realised I did not check as I was typing this and I have had my fill of Chili Con Carne! Oddly I did not enjoy it as much as I had last time.

It also turned out that on cooking this Chilli I realised something to do with my condition?! I kid you not, it can come from the strangest of things!

I cook and I enjoy cooking. However I do not enjoy what naturally confess with the cooking! So I do not cook much, in fact tonight was the first time I had eaten a hot, cooked meal for ... well since that nurse told me my cholesterol was high! So you can do and look for that one but probably two maybe even three months.

Then as I was eating the Chilli I realised, more accurately 'remembered', why I only like cooking it in the winter?! In fact I only really cook in the winter, is what I realised. I sweat heavily!! I wanted to take my jeans off but the plate would have scorched my thighs! Lol.

I then realised that this is down to my condition of Fibromyalgia! What a numpty! As I stated in a previous post I attended my Doctor to request pills that show down sweating, but he lied and said they did not exist. Funny as according to every Doctor I have spoken to in Enfield medicine under the Enfield Primary Care Trust has gone back to Victorian times and most ailments don't have any medications to deal, cure or just control them?! Lol! Fuck knows what all those pills are they have down Lloyd's Chemist?! Lol!

Me eating a got meal, oddly I am well known for not drinking tea or coffee in the hot months and when I say I cannot handle it as it makes me sweat they look at me like I am mad! My grandmother used to ask the same thing and react the same way! Now my father passed away about ten years ago and my grandmother passed away a couple of years before he did, just as well as losing her son would have been impossible for her to take! Unfortunately her husband is too bloody self centred to have realised that, just thinking about how there was no one there to cook his meals! Lol.

In fact Is in my third year of my degree when my grandmother died. So it was 1999 and was in March if I remember correctly! Before my feet started to become an issue but my back had been playing up a fair while before that. So had my hips but my knees were years later. The shoulder was an issue though at this time and previous to this.

Amazing what can occur in just one evening?! Lol!

THE FIRING OF MEMORY SYNAPSES

Well the last few days I have followed the intructiions laid out to me as regards my diet to the best of my abilities, only during this time a few things have arisen that I had forgotten.

Now I have bought three items...

1 Benecol Drinks (as instructed)
2 Activia Yoghurt (Thought it lowered Cholesterol but not a word on the packaging)
3 Jelly Brown Health Drinks (Lactoactilus bulgarica) (..not casei europa or whatever the main one was called)
4 Porridge (this does actually lower cholesterol or mor correctly OATS lower them)

Within 24 hours something started to happen and for the worse and not the better and has contnued exactly the same ever since. This has also made me realise why my diet is so bad and therefore exactly WHY my test results were also bad. It is a direct result, YET AGAIN to the several Doctors I have had while in Enfield and the NHS as a whole!!

Note no question mark is it is without doubt qa fact like so many others. In fact I am rather surprised this did not occur to me earlier! But then and I have stated before that sometimes things can occur to me in the blink of an eye and sometimes they take a long time.

Also now factor in that despite the dozens of times I have stated those words that I now find out I have had short term memory problems which explains a great deal?!

Yeah well check again in my posts and you will note that I used to be given a drug wirth the brand name Nexium? You might also note that I have several disagreements with various Doctors and so-called health professsionals bevcause they insisted on giving me Lansoprazole? I stated that Nexium was more expensive and this was why? I also stated that Nexium was prescribed to someone I had known for two years and that she was aware of my problems and seen them in action and yet I was not aware of hers?! Added to this not only was her condition not as serious as mine but that her dosages of Nexium were 40mg and mine were 20mg and I had to have a row to get them up to 40mg. Then a few months later they insisted on putting me back on Lansoprazole and not even at 40mg but 20mg. I had a row about that and he put up the dosage but I realised weeks later it was only up to 30mg?

Yes well I still take those 30mg pills and hat row and those earlier posts of suddenly become very key for a number of very important reasons that even YOU the reqaders will see....

1 Within 24 hours of new diet I started to get really severa heartburn and the vomiting has gone haywire and that is an understatement!

2 I have now also realised that since I was put back on Lansoprazole I was also put back on Gaviscone and yet had not needed it while on Nexium

3 The DIET I have had, which is admittedly bad, is now DIRECTLY ATTRIBUTED to both the NHS and the DWP.....I......THANK YOU!!!

4 The NHS should have noted the above two

5 Now you see another reason WHY this blog exists and I do not have to do a lengthy explasnation to it

6 See now how I am going to rip several holes in many organisations I only needed the time to get all my things in one place because of my memory problems. lol?!

7 I think they knew it was Fibromyalgia and played on the fact I was forget repeatedly

Here are a couple of pictures of the subjects of my new diet and sets of pains and vomiting...

 GOD!!! I have this really annoying thing in Wondows 7 and Paint where it does not save a rotated picture correctly, yet the damned thumbnails show it how you expect it to look. As soon as I put any in here they get rotated onto their side!! Grr! You have to delete the picture, as I keep FORGETTING, go back turn it on its side in pic viewer, save it, go to next pic, go back to target pic, rotate it to correct position and save again. Only THEN well it display in here the correct way up! I do not know if that is Windows or just another Google problem to go with all the others, lol.

Bought plastic spoons from the 99p Store. Be wrned I found them to be sharp edged, did someone say Governing Body and Ombudsman?! No they are just relatives of politicians probably and belong to an order that allows you to get ten times what you do on the dole, except instead of sitting on you fecking arse indoors you do exactly the same thing in an office at a desk answering a phone saying 'COMUTER SAYS YES THEN NOW AND THEN FECK OFF!'

LMAO.

I take a spoon oytr with me from now on so that I can increase my choices of food while I am out, not by much though. I still have the problem if financing it....oh wait, what did you say? I keep on about my minimal amount of money?? I have not explained it and talk nonsense?!

Ahh well it JUST SO HAPPENS THAT MY NEXT POST...