THE GREEN FIRE

I have got up feeling quite rough.

Now I thought I was going to be OK but .. no.

I have woken up with e very sore throat and a cough that began last night as just a minor .. annoying cough. I really thought that the way that I had bee hit that I might feel OK today? But .. no.

It is not having a good effect on my anxiety either and I have been coughing up green and yellow crap all morning.

My head is feeling light too and I am a little nauseous.

I simply cannot believe how this keeps on happening lately and I have so much to do! It simply does not bear thinking about and a knife to the chest seems attractive right now.

When I received my inheritance, half of which was stolen from me, I thought that was it and I would never be in this situation ever again and with these feelings.

But, of course, the government had other ideas. Only they did not tell me this. In fact it was quite the opposite ..they encourage me to invest in starting my own business .. encouraged everyone to start there own business without borrowing any money, which was frankly beyond ridiculous as well as unrealistic. Weekly meetings with advisors and another biweekly meeting with a Jobcoach, after previously being kicked off both Incapacity Benefit and Personal Independent Payments (disability) for which many Doctors have stated they should not have done anyway.

That reminds me .. I need to email Frank Field MP as well as the Work & Pensions Select Committee to see if they want me to forward them the emails I had regarding the NEA, JC and staring my business?

I have now done that!

I included a large breakdown of the major points and I even pointed out to Frank Field MP that my solicitor, Pauline Hunter from Mary Ward Legal waxed lyrical about him for twenty minutes once she got over the shock of him now being my MP.

I also pointed out that I have emails regarding the Job Centre and the NEA scheme which are all still sitting on my system that I can forward to either the Work & Pensions Select Committee or Frank Field MP or both.

I have also pointed out something that I only noticed recently .. yesterday or the day before, and that my blogs have been missing their .. ADVERTS!

Now this is funny and also a perfect example of how things can just go wrong because I was expecting my first ever payment from this about a year ago. But it never came.

Then all this happened ..

• PIP and IB cancelled (2016)
• Plans to go from JSA to WTC and NEA cancelled five days after going self-employed (2017)
• ESA refused (2016)
• Several Doctors, one A&E state that the DWP should not touch me with my medical records
• Farcical Atos assessment (2016 or 2017)
• Get talked into going on NEA by JSA when I hear of my inheritance coming
• Have half my inheritance stolen by a family member Probate Court does NOT investigate
• Spend well over £20,000 of my £32,000 inheritance on photography equipment and a car .. NEEDED FOR ALL MANNER OF THINGS .. my disability, relocating, photography, blogging, daughter, grandchildren etc (2017)
• That while in and out of hospital over self-harming, anxiety attacks and chest pain (2016 through 2017)
• Daughter victim of domestic violence (2017)
• Sparking up historical court case (taking place January 2018 Liverpool Crown Court)
• Job Centre pull rug from under me with NEA & WTC five days after going self-employed
• Get told one grandchild autistic .. major problems (2017)
• I offer to move to Wirral from London to help .. (2017)
• Expect help to not be forthcoming for grandchildren from authorities (2017)
• Expect to continue my blogging and photography business while here (2017)
• Discover my daughter has my disability while here .. been stumping her Doctors for months if not years
• Get told youngest granddaughter is Autistic, now two of four,  and worse then her older sister, already a major problem, showing signs of violence, aggression and several meltdowns each day
• Discover that for some bizarre reason the authorities are SLOW today when it comes to diagnosing or helping with Autistic children
• Pay another £2,200 for 6 months rent in advance
• Find out that Universal Credit is only paying me half the money, rent only .. no explanation
• Previous heart and chest issues of pain, palpitations and now irregular heart beating increases in frequency from once or twice a month to once or twice a day with a few days here ad there were everything is calm
• Find out the £3,000 final payment I thought I would get is only £800
• Discover my daughter has no less than three cancer scares and it does not look good
• Finally see a Doctor after an inordinate wait but sent to cardiologist and give diazepam to go with the other 6 drugs I have to take
• Contract three lots of flu-like viruses while here, first lasting five weeks, have one right now
• Anxiety through the roof
• Praying that Pauline Hunter of Mary Ward is successful in reinstating PIP .. not hopeful on this
• Discover that my adverts on my blog have been missing which explains why I did not get my very first payment about a year back when I expected .. Google being typically aloof and evil have not answered to requests as to why this is
• My daughter and myself or both worn down and our nerves are frayed t the very edges

Currently having difficulty getting back to flat a .. (OOPS WENT OUT)

That is the vastly broken down version of things to occur that I sent to Frank Field MP and the Work and Pensions Select Committee.

I omitted a few other things that happened in 2016 .. just wanted to concentrate, at least here, on just the events of 2017.

The idea being that there is no one that could stop and ask themselves just how many things any normal person can have happen in the course of a year! I mean you would have to be bloody naïve to not see how that is a major set of events to take place?!

But the government decided to shaft me anyway, still are and are doing it to the two generations below me too!

My daughter is till trying to get told of her diagnosis by phone because she forgot to attend appointment .. she has my memory issues and like I have said it can affect you regardless of the importance or severity of the thing you are forgetting.

She has now been told she needs to phone the hospital .. she has since done that and they now want her in tomorrow, I believe she said? She has gone out, my memory is foggy and I obviously cannot confirm this with her right now.

This is just one of two biopsies taken fro different parts of the body .. but in places that would ut the fear of god into most women and that does not include a third one I expect them to take a biopsy of that lies slap-bang between the other two?!

I really, really do not know what I am going to do it this turns out to be anything .. I really, really do not and if I said I was scared as hell over just that alone it would be an understatement.

I am 48 with some health conditions that bugger me up as it is and seem to be getting worse all the time.

If anything was to happen to my daughter it would just be me .. two autistic children showing violent tendencies and having meltdowns through lack of help and support .. one needy-boy that screams the place down when not getting Haribos, Chocolate, Juice more and more food or not going to bed and that is when he is not winding up the other three.

If I am not killed over the potentially fatal news I am going to be killed by three children while attempting to care for them because there is no one else!

Jesus Christ .. how did life get this bad?

I have eve wondered whether or not .. if the worst was to happen .. and the authorities here were just crap and not helpful whether I would just return to London with them? Well not London exactly, no one in their right mind would want to live there today .. but one of the home counties? At least there I would have my own family members .. though with their own difficulties with the way the country is not sure if they could be much help beyond merely moral support?

Yesterday .. Sunday .. older with Autism .. several meltdowns before midday. Not enough milk in her cereals, despite being plenty. Bail water out of toilet before anyone is awake, water pouring through ceiling and into kitchen. Had already filled up the bath and been told-off. Empties second loaf of bread out that day leaving it all to go hard. Empties second tub of butter out everywhere. I go into the kitchen point to find her on a chair pouring last of the milk into half a jar of Black-current jam. That was one out of four children .. we are told she will get worse and I am seeing it. She meltdowns because she wants to sleep in mother's bed every single night, because she knows she can keep coming downstairs and she does .. a dozen times a night up until 11pm or later. Nearly took her little sister's head off a few times. Kicks, punches and bites .. does not share and we have four children!

Were told the younger one will be worse and already she does not speak more than three words and only singly.

Oh .. and my daughter just came back .. asked if we could go and pick up the older of the two with autism from pre-school, I believe it is, and hit me with a curve-ball ..

She was supposed to see her current landlord and hand in her notice to leave the property because another one has been offered to her by someone called Riverside a few weeks back. It is not exactly suitable but more suitable than the current one.

She decided to not hand in her notice! Therefore not move and remain in an unsuitable property.

Oddly this is down to the Fibromyalgia .. you get too quick to do stuff, get things at a moments notice and agree to them or even buy them and later you regret it.

I have spent many years learning not to do this but I till do form time to time and it is most annoying. But I have got this down to a minimum now and even now there are a lot of things I could do but I don't. Because the situation and the money s too precarious.

But I see a lot of wastage here with the children .. the food bill makes my mind boggle and this includes buying from the cheapest stores, like Lidl, Home & Bargain, B&M and Asda.

The reason for the change of heart it not wanting to have to take the children to school on a bus.

Here is a reason why and another one for today ..

We left the house to go and pick up the second youngest and the youngest one started to scream her head off the moment we got into my car. This continued and got louder all the way to the school .. then continued while I waited for her mother to return with the other daughter .. who has already helped herself to things in the kitchen without asking. Her screams were accompanied by a tantrum where she was kicking the hell out of the back of my car seat, so I was feeling repeated kicking into the small of my back.

Now imagine two of them doing that on a bus with another demanding Haribos and juice and crying his head off? The oldest will not want to be seen within a hundred miles of that fiasco and is at his wits end at times and is only ten.

I simply cannot imagine what things will be like a year from now?!

I have already walked about the back yard upon our return wondering if I should just return to London in the new year?!

My hearing is dull and I did not even want to drive because of that .. along with the coughing fits or deep coughs I have been experiencing since waking this morning.

Oh and she has to call the hospital tomorrow.

I did think that rushing for that home that become available was a bit too .. well, rushed. I wanted to tell her to slow down and think about it, after all it was a 3 bedroom property so the same as she was in already. She does not seem to think that the authorities will provide her with a 5 bedroom property which is what she will need if these children are to not suffer.

Like I have said over and over and over again .. it is an impossible and mind-boggling situation and no one at all appears to be helping in any way, while the dragging of feet and the refusal of help by all the authorities just appears to be accepted.

Maybe all those meetings that are supposed to be about these 'at-risk children have worn her down until there is nothing left?

The annoying part of all this is that if she still had the car I bought her or had been provided with a car because she has three disabilities in a family of five she would not have changed her mind about moving.

But then the positive side of me is trying to tell myself that this might work out for the best? Maybe she will get the help and support that has been held back for reasons unknown and be in a better position when the next property comes along? Maybe it might even be a more suitable property?

Maybe she is disappointed that the crowd-funding I set up for her has not worked?

It is both difficult to know and .. awkward to broach certain .. subjects with her.

Sometimes I think I am helping being here, before long I will look after two children while she then goes and picks up a third. It is difficult to get back to my own flat when I am expected to .. look after children at certain times.

My best chances are the weekend but have spent two weekends now feeling as sick as a parrot, this time with flu-like symptoms and anxiety after someone got me to drink too much on a Friday night and last week .. bad anxiety that lasted all of Saturday.

I end up thinking .. 'Oh I can do that Monday' but it never occurs .. or at any other day of week either.

I have even had a friend ask me why I am here so much and I simply answer that I .. think it is because I am taking some pressure of her. Not having to drag two autistic children all the way to nursey and pre-school and back before dragging them all out again at 3pm to get a third child?

I keep thinking of those families where a mother is found dead .. or a family where the mother take the lives of themselves and their children and think that if there are situations like this in the country then I am beginning to understand why.

It is like some master plan to kill off a percentage of the population the government or their puppeteers deem unworthy, which oddly comes down to how much money you have or who you are?!

The country is in a far, far worse place than the mainstream news media re letting on and even I imagined it would get to.

THE INTERMISSIONS

It is a .. strange, strange time for me.

I have been buying things that have all been planned and agreed upon with several people .. official people .. so to speak.

Only .. right in the middle of all this and with an extremely large upheaval of my personal life mere weeks away and a trip away for a time being only days away .. something has changed.

Someone .. or I should say one of the agreed parties has thrown a spanner in the works!

This is an organisation that anyone with a brain dies not trust and they have .. changed their stance somewhat and this will be .. eye opening to many. I cannot say much more about it right now because even this is in flux.

Now I will tell you this ..

In the space of thirty minutes I had two separate people speak to me. One was face to face and the other was over the phone. Yup .. within ten minutes or so of speaking to one person a different one calls me on the phone.

I will also tell you this ..

The one that I spoke to face to face lied to me.

The one that I spoke to on the phone also lied to me.

I am also going to be self-employed from the 1^st September and that is only a few weeks away.

I also have to go away and that is mere days away.

I have a mountain of things to buy and a mountain of things to do.

Now this would otherwise be a nightmare because of the health conditions I have but as far as the pain is concerned this has gotten a lot easier.

As far as the getting too hot is concerned this has gotten a lot easier and it has cooled down at night due to it being late in the year so that has become easier.

This is because I have now owned a car for the last week or so.

Unfortunately it does not help with my memory problems. Nor any one of the other dozens of things it causes. Luckily most are not constant. Thank the stars for that.

Plus I am having some .. psychological issues over everything I have to do .. kind of a mental block combined with .. a little trepidation, or nervous. It does not make sense and I do not know why this is but then the brain is a much complex thing. Plus my Fibromyalgia seems to mess with it as it does so many others.

Yeah so what is going to make things worse for an organisation well reported to lie and cheat is thee fact that I suffer from a registered disability. On top of that is my right knee issue and along with the pain and memory issues there is also the high blood pressure issue.

I was not even sure I was OK to drive again but when I last asked my GP he said it was OK. But then as I know that the NHS have tried to lie on patients medical notes and certainly have mine so surely have others .. this answer might just be part of that?

This is something I did not consider in the past and every now and then I have wondered how many people have had car accident because of health conditions that the NHS have lied about? It must be a significant number and I dread to think it I could be really big.

Also a wrong readout on the car's computer did not seem to be much initially but then I went and read something on a forum about one owner of my Land Rover having to change an engine because of ignoring this warning?! Did not make sense and no one backed it up because it is to do with the coolant level. I went and bought coolant because I naturally thought it was low due to the computer warning. Opened the bonnet and I was surprised to discover it was full. No problem then. Faulty sensor that can get fixed when I service the car next. Then I read this owner writing that he lost an engine because of it and I did think maybe it did get low and he did not watch the engines temperature gauge?

Then I read something in the same forum about some kind of ball being inside the top up bottle, tank, and someone said something about it sometimes blocking a pipe. That .. would bee problematic! But even so if a blockage occurred it would raise the engine temperature! It is an engine coolant system, nothing rocket sciencey about it. Water goes round, if it does not then things get hot. Lol.

Still .. as I have not driven for a very long time it did get me worried about both breaking down and buying a new engine!

I came into some money .. I did not win the jackpot n the lottery and the money is not endless. It would not buy me a house anywhere, nor a flat in case your wondering. Not even far, far away from London. Unfortunately. Or I would have done that!

Being homeless is my biggest fear and I have had this fear six or seven times in my life and people with Fibromyalgia feeling fear? Or at least some of them? It is not good and is most certainly not nice, trust me on that. Look up 'Rubber Legs Syndrome' and a detailed explanation on that and how it comes about will make many realise how effing horrid it is. That is just one .. thing out of dozens.

So I am awaiting emails to find out how much it would cost, how long it would take and if I can ge it done before I go away.

Since being asked to go to a certain building TWICE in a week .. I have had two days of deliveries turning up and have a third on Tuesday.

I am also out practising and familiarising myself with the tools I have had delivered, see below.

So this is what I have now acquired since the car was purchased ..

• Sony A99 II DSLT Camera
• Sony G Master 70-200mm f2.8 Lens
• LowePro Toploader Holster
• LowePro Whistler Backpack
• Carbon Fibre Tripod (instead of the usual expensive ones I went for Amazon one at £75)
• Benro GH2 Gimbal Head (Basically a swing like contraption goes on tripod)

That is not quite all and all I can think of right now.

That also only includes one, damned heavy, lens. You cannot do everything with one lens even if you specifically only photograph in one subject area. Most people have more than two lenses and professionals normally have dozens. Though dozens are not needed but at least five are .. though two of these are out of reach. At least for now and the immediate future because the combined total of just these two is £17,500! Yeah .. I know. Lol. Unfortunately there are cheaper alternatives but these have recently been discontinued and I only found out last night. You also cannot buy them in the UK, at least not for my cameras mount design. Though a very top store in New York was selling them, B&H Photo, but last night only had used ones and suddenly the discontinued notice was up I had never seen before. Bah humbug!

The combined cost of the two lenses new? Knock £10,000 off the combined total of the two Sony lenses above and you would get both! Those above are the Sony G Master 300mm f2.8 and the Sony G Master 500mm f4. The other company is Sigma, same focal lengths and apertures and looks like same objective lens size too. They look almost identical .. except the Sonys are white and the Sigmas are black.

I also had not considered all the other things too and I have had to buy two very large SanDisk memory cards as well as a lot of cleaning tools, like for sensor cleaning as well as lens cleaning. I would not want to buy anything cheap in the way of cleaning stuff with stuff this expensive. Even so I did not expect the little bottles holding 8ml of fluid to cost between £20 and £40 when you get cheap crap for a couple of quid on Amazon. Again .. you do not take the chances.

This also does not include the fact that I have to buy new computing gear too and I need to build a new PC and I will need a laptop.

This will need to be able to deal with photo editing on very large files, the cameras is 42 Mega Pixels, as well as 4K video. These things take as much power as you can throw at them, especially video editing and especially so in 4K resolutions.

I have not oredered a single thing yet for the PC build because .. well .. I also have to move house and this was also all part of the plan. A plan that I was completely open with to all people.

Except one organisation who had been nagging me for months have now gone and thrown this spanner in the works. Right in the middle of everything and they have lied twice already. In two ten minute conversations.

Everyone told me to lie to them, even a right wing guy that curiously does not agree with having a welfare system! I did not want to do that. Except .. well .. I would tell by the body language that they already knew anyway. Or at least it had been flagged.

I spoke to thee right wing guy saying that they had already been told, I had forgotten about them myself. This was because they already knew! He said, yawn .. once again second guessing wrongly but insisting upon his views, that I must hav told them or they found out from this blog. Umm .. I never said anything about receiving anything on my blog and .. well like I told him dozens of times, they already effing KNEW! I had been on a course to start my own business. REMEMBER! Lol.

Also if you recall I also applied for a loan with Newable through this NEA course thing which I was turned down for? Yeah that was for £25,000 that I intended to pay back within a month or two .. exccpt they turned me down and so starting my own business and gong self-employed got delayed once again.

The funny thing is I only started it because of two things .. one was they were unfairly pressurising me at the Job Centre under Job Seekers Allowance they WRONGLY forced me onto and I was not getting anywhere looking for a job 35 hours a week. Yeah .. do not lose your job because they insist that you carry on doing a full time job looking for another full time job. You have to put the things you have done on their website using an account. Nothing wrong with that, per se, but .. you have to put loads of things .. more than the number of jobs for what you want to do you can possibly find advertised. You better believe it.

No they do not want to HELP you get a job .. they just want to stand behind you with something that ends up feeling more or less like the proverbial whip! I kid you not.

I was on Universal Credit, again WRONGLY, for 5 weeks or so before being transferred over to JSA and within two weeks they were pressurising me about starting my own business. As soon as they realised just how many areas I am knowledgable in. Plus I would like to try my hand at some manufacturing too. More tools and these were included in my plans as a completely different facet to everything else.

• Blogging on a dozen subjects (could add more)
• Photography
• YouTube
• Manufacturing .. Cases

There might be others but the camera gear would help with most, if not all, the blogs and the YouTube channel.

Oh .. did I mention that I only received half the money I was supposed to because someone stole over £300,000 of the estate and that their siblings and mine want me to be the one to take them to court?

Remember that even without the pains and psychological stuff I do have those short term memory issues and as you can see I have a mountain of things that I have to do!

But the spanner throwers do not give a shit .. government basically and government doing as government does. Fucking people over. Jesus what a shit country this has become and it is getting worse. I am still receiving messages that the UK is going to collapse any day now. Still waiting. Lol.

However .. there is a very important question I have to ask if they decide to put any force on turning the spanner. They had better think about their answers very, very carefully. Because to different answers simply wont qualify. In act it will look so bad .. I would not want too be them!

Why do these public services lie and cheat? Do they not know they they always get found out in the end? Even if the government try and tie up the news media it often grows so huge that the news media cannot ignore it any longer. Because if they do it will look obvious .. though most people with even half a brain have long since realised that the mainstream media either lie or are ignoring stories at the request of certain .. parties.

Ooh .. I just remembered I am supposed to talk to an SEO company about my blogging?! Damn it!

LMAO!

Now what else could I have forgotten?!

Videos of my new arrivals ..

THE REPEATED QUESTIONS

Is it not funny that you can ask the same question three times of people or organisations that look down their noses at you and simply cannot get an answer?

I have managed to get my third email from Newable, loans company that the DWP, NEA and Job Centres keep touting, and they still have not answered my primary question ..

So you cannot loan me any amount at all, is what you saying?

I did kind of get a better answer as to why I was turned down ..

.. my, umm, credit report?!

LOL.

I have not applied for a loan or higher purchase or anything that requires a look at a credit report in what is likely more than 5 years now.

Now remember that these people are being touted as a viable way for someone on benefits to start their own business?!

Yeah considering that we are 6 or 7 years into the worst financial crisis in a very, very long time and that this is a company that is supposed to loan money to people that have been on benefits .. are you fucking serious Newable?!

I have been pressurised sooo many times to do this and as I previously stated I thought that it might be helpful. Plus .. well so many people have told me that this is either a scam, speaking from experience, or they think it is a scam, that have never even read anything on.

Yeah it looks like a scam and it certainly explains why the very first thing that is mentioned right after telling you that a loan is available is to say 'don't take out the loan!' no because you will not get it approved, that is why.

I must admit to this ..

I do so very much wish I had applied for this loan two weeks sooner than I had!

Because I do not think I am going to get enough time to explore every avenue and ask the right questions to force someone somewhere to slip up?

I honestly applied at the eleventh hour because I thought I would be approved for the loan, not necessarily the amount I requested but a helpful amount, nonetheless?

But no, I was refused and given no proper help and advice other than to go to another organisation when in reality I was only going to be refused yet again, of what they said was true.

That is of course that they are not lying and are actually refusing me help now, along with being cut-off by the NEA, because they now realise I am a very real threat?

Oddly he used the word 'primary' for the reason for my bad credit score, which I knew I had some years ago now caused by the disability the NHS kept telling me I did not have. Sooo .. that bad credit was down to my health and the corruption and lies that the NHS has employed to save money for over a decade now.

So once again I am being penalised, as well as patronised .. great, for something that was the fault of someone else.

I really do not know a great deal about Newable, or how they fucking expect to find anyone with a good credit rating who needs to claim benefits (preposterous). I probably should look to see if this is government funded, which makes the refusal out of fear theory plausible. But as I stated I simply will not have the time very soon.

As stated I have also emailed the other Business Start Up organisation who I am sure stated were government funded?

I am just following the trail they have now put me on to see what is realistically available to anyone on benefits, fed up with the lack of job offers, interviews and unfair pressure that has any thought at all towards working for themselves.

THE STORY OF CONFLICTIONS

OK then. Before I do another post pointing towards inevitable and imminent things?

I have been alluding to a process I am .. embroiled in.

Starting a business.

Now I have been on this thing the call the New Enterprise Allowance which I was kind forced onto 6 months earlier than I really wanted to be on. Or start myself up as a viable and legitimate business.

So I attended a seminar to see what's what.

I decided to move forward with it as there had been another tragic event that meant that I could realistically do this and possibly become self-supporting entirely in the space of about a year.

I had to also start things so that the two of them run parallel and ended around the same time.

Except this has not happened and neither of these things have either ended when they should have done nor played out as they should have done.

Trust me when I say that there is not a single person that has not reacted without shock or surprise in the way things have gone.

Now let us get started by stating that I enrolled into this NEA thing which was to have weekly meetings which went on over 8 weeks. Some readers may have even done this themselves and are nodding their heads thinking 'Yep, yep'?

During this time there were to be additional .. so-called workshops where you went over various things, some of these things being spreadsheets you had to complete. I think there are two? Might be three but I think it is two.

Right so eight meetings over eight weeks and at least TWO workshops.

Yeah .. first off they doubted my business plan and was going to reject it .. until I pulled out print-outs of everything I have done and the guy's eyes went wide. He then said "Mr Haswell, I can tell you now I do not even need to speak to my company, your going to be approved!"

Except ..

After 3 weeks they did not ask to see me any more and instead I got an email from them stating that my business plan had been approved. I had been approved for a second time which I was not aware of.

It was only I was not asked for three weeks I realised they had no intention of meeting me any longer.

Except I still had a lot of questions that due to my memory problems I kept forgetting about but over five weeks I remembered in pieces and sent off a total of three emails. Except over the last five weeks I have had not one reply from them.

Neither was I asked to another workshop, though we were told there would be more than one!

I then got pressure put upon me by the Job Centre as they just wanted me to sign off and go self-employed .. but I was like thinking 'Fuck this! You cannot even do anything at all correctly and take forever to do anything and you, a public service, are moaning at me for taking too long when that is down to other people and another public service? The irony and bloody cheek of it!'

I am afraid it gets .. well, weirder and .. better!

You have this option of a loan. They try to convince you not to take a loan to start a business, which had at least one of the other four in the seminar pull out before even her first meeting. It meant nothing to me but had I not had this other event happen in my life .. yeah, hearing them trying to convince you of starting a business and going self employed without borrowing money when your on benefits and have no money .. I would have walked out at the point he actually said that. Yeah I would have actually got up, stated I was leaving and because that h had said that and walked out.

So .. there is this loan. You have a business plan, your supposed to get help .. but I did not get very much of that, and you have two business approval stages.

Remember this s over 8 to 13 weeks and i did it in 3 weeks.

So I make the loan application of £25,000 and I tell everyone it will either be approved or they will decline it and give me another figure they are happy to hand over.

Yeeeeah .. no.

Basically I got an email stating 'Your application has been declined, best of luck here are some other routes you can go'.

This is the organisation I made the loan with .. Newable ..

https://www.newable.co.uk/

Here is one they suggested, again government backed, and I have approached .. Start Up Loans Company ..

https://www.startuploans.co.uk/

Their single reason? Affordability!

So they are supposed to be helping me start a business so where is the affordable amount?

Do I take it that you basically declined and said 'Bye, bye' that there does not exist an amount you would approve of?

So what was all that bullshit with the Job Centre and the NEA for week after week and the two business approvals?

So how is it that I have a SEO company, Search Engine Optimisation, based not far from where I live that has actually seen and read many of my blogs, not even seen the YouTube channel yet, and is excited about the potential? They have rang me twice now and are due to call me again around the middle of the month. They have helped someone else with a similar blog to my most popular one and done some great things hand have many millions of people now!

What also excites them is that I have 12, yeah count them .. twelve, blogs to boot!

So .. what the actual fuck, Newable and NEA?!

I could have ignored the NEA altogether and just kept telling the Job Centre to feck off. But I thought well let us go with this as I am starting up a business anyway and it could be a huge help? At the very worst .. if it turns out that what everyone is telling me is true and its a big fucking scam and trap for people so that they can make the government look good? Well I would have yet another expose for my blog. Blogs.

So I have emailed the Start Up Loans company and I have explained the situation to them and, as they are government based (do not know about Newable), they might give me some credible answers.

But they are government based so it is more likely I will get more bullshit?

Right now it is not looking good for the DWP, Job Centres, Newable or NEA.

Also the ob Centre applied no pressure and when I stated that I could not get a hold of the NEA adviser, only saw him 3 of the 8 times and he has not answered 3 emails in over 5 weeks I got this "Oh, they are having technical difficulties and we have not been able to get a hold of them for several weeks"?!

After stating that they cannot get a hold of them, which means by phone or email obviously, she then asks me if I have tried to ring them?!

All I can say at this point is oops!

Of course they could have fallen for my trap which is forcing them to try to avoid a trap and looking obvious?

Or to put it another way .. after awhile make it seem as if there is a trap and get them to act weirdly and cut themselves off from me making them look guilty. LOL!

Double oops!

THE LAST WEEK

OK, now we are getting somewhere.

Now I was going to post this a couple of days ago but as I was getting closer to the 2nd June date I started to become .. apprehensive.

I have also found myself being somewhat .. superstitious about an imminent event that is also inevitable.

I have also lost track of time on something which had a weekly .. let us say 'event' to it which stopped abruptly a month ago ... or so. Yeeeah short term memory loss, you see? Lol.

Anyway I have put in an application that was available to me which is a loan. Only not only is it likely that I will not need it, it now turns out there is an unexpected .. twist to applying for this loan and .. well, in all honesty this is something that could have come up during thee five remaining meetings I expected to take place but never did.

In fact I have now sent off three emails and have yet to get a response. Huh, that is weird. It is like they suddenly become terrified of me or something? Lol.

Anyhoo it also turns out that you have to be registered to make loan applications of above £2,500  and you have to wait two working days for them to get back to you before you continue. Two and a half grand is a laughable amount to start a business - a professional camera body costs more then this. Bloody good luck if you need to buy a car or van for your business!

Still it was a process, experience and above all else, learning experience too. Well the pan was for it to be a learning experience but I .. cannot really think of anything I actually learned. I did get to realise there were things I needed to think about but I could have gotten all that from a pamphlet, in all honesty.

I am expecting pressure the day after they are due to email me back and that will be interesting to say the least as it is also a day after the 'earliest date'.

You see I have managed to get an answer from a certain solicitor and I still did not get one of the numbers I asked for and only a rough one for the second. That second figure is actually a date and I am told that this will be between the 7th June and the 14th June. This turns out to be for both confirmation and .. receipt, though in theory it could take a couple of extra days for receiving things by post?

Then there is a brief wait of about a week. No more and no less and things would have been confirmed by then .. it is just one of those unavoidable waits upon others you cannot get around. Though I did ready a while back this was going to change. But not until 2018, I think it was? Hmm the year 2020 is popping into my head now?

In preparation for said event I have been working on things harder than I ever have, like my house for one! Also and added to this I have been .. well, panic buying things and just two days ago, so the 2nd June for the record, I took receipt of a parcel at my door which were a pair of Orthotic shoes and the fourth pair I have bought in as many months. Three pairs were not cheap.

If you are familiar with Salomon shoes then you know what I mean when I say they are not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. But each pair has been doing the job I purchased them for so I am not really bothered by this and am relieved to say the least that I have shoes I can turn to! Most of the time!

My second pair turned out to be a mistake as they were Gore-tex shoes and so when it turned warm my feet got hot. Looking at the shoes I then realised they were Gore-tex and thought 'you idiot!!'

I spent ages looking for another pair for summer and ended up with these Adidas trainers but with a different Ortholite sole I had not tried before and they did not work as well. Well not for standing stationary. They also discoloured and stained pretty quickly and as they are pure white .. do not loo very good now!

So yeah .. unlike the last event I was waiting for at the end of 2015, that then did not occur as someone vanished into the dark of the night, this one I am actively preparing for.

I have a few days to go of light preparation and then when I am contacted again and know exactly what and when .. I will go into overdrive. In more ways than one. Then around a wee or so after this happens and when it is truly .. let us say finished it will then become obvious on here and my YouTube channel.

Meanwhile I am now doing things that I know are for the last time, or second from last time. I have purchased my last box of Yorkshire Tea bags and my next pack of tobacco will likely be my last or second from last at best.

It is funny how you use mundane things to count down time in your head? Oh? Maybe that is just me then? Lol.

I am also packing some things into boxes and throwing other things out.

When I have the full details I will be packing a lot more into boxes and throwing a hell of a lot more stuff out.

It is kind of weird because as I already started this process I have to work out what can definitely go and throw it away. Then figure out what is definitely staying and pack that up.

Decisions, decisions!

Still I am entering what will be the last week now. This will be the last week in which nothing happens .. that is if nothing happens in which case iot was actually the previous week to this one that was the last week.

There are a lot of lasts that will be going on for the next week or two and one I can think of at the end of the month!

On and thee business start up is through the New Enterprise Allowance scheme, though like I said I am not sure what they are .. playing at, at the moment. Until I get an answer out of them, that is.

I made a video to help people with heel pain and show them the shoes that seem to cut this pain right down to a more ... discomfort level, at least for me ..

I do briefly mention up and coming changes .. (chomping ..)