LIVING THE BIGGEST LIES

I have not divulged all information and nor have I published more than about 5% of the evidence I posses. So much of it now it would be a nightmare to find some of it. There are some I think I can get together before long that is linked to some I will divulged in this post.

Lets get something straight .. right up front ..

• I talk about a dozen areas of science
• I talk about climate change
• I talk about politics and was dragged into this unwillingly

Lets get a few other things straight ..

• I know my stuff
• I know how to tag
• I was encouraged to blog and do videos when I started and was told I would make money
• I spent four years at this and was encouraged to start a business from it by business experts and the government
• At the 13^th hour something changed and all the plugs were pulled
• I had noticed some odd behaviours with my numbers
• At the exact same time by advertising started disappearing and reappearing without warning
• November 2016 my ad revenue had frozen just prior to being paid and everyone at the time expected me finally, with my disabilities and pain, to become self-sufficient but ..
• My Ad Revenues never really moved again for 2.5 years

My daughter was a victim of grooming gangs and I talked about that form the get go. She was lied to and treated appallingly by Wirral Council and Merseyside Police on and off for a decade.

She had two children prior to turning 16 and ended up with cervical cancer she needed an operation for and still they persecuted her. The Police pulled her over on a regular basis and confisctated two cars. One of which I bought for her.

I myself lost £35,000, my home and my own car.

The social services lied and tried to set her up constantly and eventually she had to move to Wales to get away from both the social services and the Police.

She has three special needs children and a son she has not seen because the authorities allowed him to go to be with his paedophile rapist father years ago.

Yesterday I got a call from my daughter and a helpful teacher at her old school turned up .. having driven over a hundred miles to speak to her.

This was after a social worker turned up in the area and was more or less told to fuck off by the local school. This social worker, called Jenny, then tried to get the local social workers to put pressure on her. They visited and said there was absolutely nothing and could not understand what the social services at Wirral Council were on about. They would not be visiting again.

When the teacher turned up she admitted that Eve, head of social services in Wirral, had more or less turned up and warned the school and teachers off from helping my daughter. She actually stated that “We were warned to back off”.

They stated that the original social worker, who I had met, Chippo, had been dropped as a social worker and reduced to desk work. I have a recording of her! She stated that the social workers I the Wirral were evil and any good ones leave their jobs. Also that she could not be a social worker with the way that they treat people, had been told many stories by various parents and started crying.

Turned out that she was under the impression that my daughter had seen her abuser who had left prison .. and my daughter pointed out that she had not, that she was forced by the council to let her children see their father and that she moved to get away.

The teacher was horrified to hear this and once again stated that the council had worked with the Police to persecute her and that they had been trying for a long time to get her to look guilty about anything they could. She was amazed my daughter had coped and was told ..

“Though I did not believe him to begin with and kept trusting the social workers my Dad has told me all along what they are like and has advised me and drummed into me what to do or say. He has tried to get me to move out of the borough for years as they will never stop”

I was living there for awhile and they refused to help us and that is how I lost everything, health condition that causes a lot of pain, heart conditions and the NHS were also fucking around as usual .. no one gave a crap and I came back.

Regretted this ever since .. lost all forms of income .. car .. and access to a GP and Dentist and things I have seriously needed in the 18 months I have not had them.

She now constantly talks about me living up there and she has no one. I say that I want to as I am surrounded by selfish and self-absorbed people down here.

Except I cannot and its very frustrating.

Now moving back around because all of this is about persecution that comes from censorship.

I started hitting social media harder .. and was succeeding. Reignited my Twitter account and despite having only getting 300 followers on my blogs in 7 years I rocketed past 2,500 on Twitter in four months.

You cannot cheat the numbers .. remember that ..

• Thought that I might get offers of help .. well I did a few times but nothing came of it
• Thought that with my followers racing I can drive traffic to my blogs and YouTube and ..
• Start getting paid
• Thought I might get some organisation genuinely interested in the truth and my evidence .. finally
• That someone would help us and my grandchildren and ..
• Offer me a job for my skills and honesty or even a crowd funder for my daughter
• Currently now have over 8,300 followers
• Over 95% of these have been acquired since August 2018
• Due to censorship I can tell you that I have ALSO lost over 4,000 followers
• Had posts deleted
• Oh and those numbers do not include 284 subscribers I have on YouTube
• YouTube was never intended to make money and only a back up to my blogs
• I did think about doing politics videos on a more professional level intended to start in 2017 .. but they turned my daughters life upside down and then mine so it never got off the ground

So when you consider that I already had around 750,000 visit my blog and YouTube channel .. PRIOR to me attaining all those followers you would think .. oh its easy now, right?

Well .. NO!

So I know what I am doing, even if not doing it very well and operating at 30% or less of my capacity.

So its about knowing what your talking about, attracting people and knowing how to tag and we have already established I am fairly good at the latter .. so what I if you had a wide range of subjects?

• Herpetology or Reptiles
• Batrachology or Amphibians
• Ichthyology or Fish
• Orchids
• Astronomy and Astrophysics
• Climate Change
• Japanese Maples
• Wing Chun
• Politics
• Corruption
• Grooming Gangs
• Secretly Recorded Evidence
• Public Services
• Computers
• Gaming
• Heath Issues
• and others

Impressive list, right?

All those tags, all those areas that even include latin names and I have been contacted by people, growers, breeders, Doctors and authors from all over the world in most of the above subjects.

Any one of those subjects could attract enough views to make money .. soo .. how can all of them combined not do that?! After 7 years? When experts raised eyebrow in surprise three years ago in 2017 before saying ..

“I can tell you right now I do not even need to speak to my bosses .. your business plan will be accepted!”

Have often been told that the amount I know is stagering and I know what I am doing from your average Joe to professionals like business experts, solicitors, scientists and Doctors.. well that is except for my own family who are unhelpful, more of a hindrance actually.

In fact many are shocked, including my own daughter, at how much negativity and told I do not know what I am doing from my own family. Despite me being educated and offered to do a PhD and them not having anything.

Been backed up by planetary scientists on social media and even the co-founder of Greenpeace.

Been blocked by some very famous people ..

• Mike Stuchbery
• Lord Adonis
• Naz Shah
• James O'Brien
• Labour Left Voice
• Owen Jones of The Guardian
• Professor Brian Cox
• There are hundreds after I was targeted by ..
• Resisting Hate
• Hope Not Hate
• Tell MAMA

Never knew this for quite awhile but it turned out where I thought I was arguing in threads with sometimes up to 20 people at once and even while drunk, which had many people laughing for days, I attracted an audience I was not even aware of.

I also forced a few extreme leftists to disassociate themselves from each other and they told me that them losing accounts was not possible and they lost over two dozen courtesy of me. The sheer evil things they came out with were .. well .. staggering.

Never thought I would ever see fascism like that I have been witness to in the last year alone.

After I had done this a dozen or so times I had followers talking about me and contacting me .. others hearing about me and following me.

Was told privately ..

• You are truly devastating
• They do not like you
• Whole groups are now scared of you
• Heard about you from another follower who told me to watch your threads if it looks like you are arguing
• I am sooo glad you are on my side as I would not want to piss you off!

That last one being probably the most common.

Oddly .. ask anyone that knows me .. well the ones that have not died or moved away and they will say that I am an easy going guy .. but they would also admit that the sheer long series of horrific events that have gone on for 15 years have changed me somewhat.

I don't suffer fools and I hate liars with an agenda even more so .. I have always hated liars and cannot beieve how many there are in the world today. Its like the Devil is real and has minions .. or a James Bond or Batman like super-villain has been putting something in the bloody water-supplies?!

So then ..

• Long list of subjects
• People like what I say
• People say I am the best debater they know
• Attracted 8,000 followers on social media in a little over 5 months
• Had over 4,000 followers removed over censorship
• All those followers and all the subjects I listed earlier?
• Easy peasy right?

OK .. example time ..

Managed to go out yesterday with my camera .. which I do precious little of but I enjoy doing .. and while I was out doing some photography and filming ..

• Britain's rarest plant and in flower the Creeping Marshwort, Apium repens
• Jewel Beetle, Agrilus laticornis, thats a Red Data List animal meaning I use that hashtag too
• Close ups of an attractive male Reed Bunting and video of it singing
• Gorgeous shots of a Common Blue Butterfly not quite so common these days
• While pains in my legs, toothache and panicking my heart will play up
• Uploaded, tagged and posted to a blog and three of my social media accounts

Remember .. numbers count and its all easy-peasy, right?

Twelve hours later and with all those followers and subscribers .. I have not had a single view from any of the dozen plus videos I uploaded?!

The person I was with even said to me ..

“Well?! That video and those pictures o what is Britain's rarest plant will get you some attention!”

Well he is not wrong but even being an animal expert himself .. he is under the impression that politics is boring and animals get a lot more attention and does not believe me when I state its the other way around.

When I tell him later that those videos of the Creeping Marshwort and a Red Data List Beetle got no views he will not believe it.

Also he is a bit naïve .. he has himself realised as everyone is talking about it now that I am being screwed over online and off it for telling the truth.

He does not realise, not good with technology, that I am buggered now and thinks if I just stop talking about these things everything will work out. He does not stop to realise that people go onto a list now and are punished for life. For telling the truth.

I realised only on going back to Twitter that my suspicions that I was being screwed over for talking about what happened to my daughter were right and I was being targeted over that.

So very possibly my recordings of the public services too?

I then found out only a few days ago that telling the truth and sticking to the scientific facts over climate change and not submitting to the politically correct brigade also gets you targeted and your online work suppressed.

So the leftist logic as your supposed to be whipped .. treated like shit, ignored, forced to work with pain, memory and heart problems .. ignored what happens to your child and grandchildren and only parrot their lies?!

You have to lie and be quiet about the evil you endure to make money?

Well what a wonderful world we live in?

Also in the past few days Independent News guy Tim Pool who himself is centre-left and has people in the right complaining about him has only recently posted a video stating that he thinks one of his channels is going to be removed from YouTube.

That is 400,000 subscribers .. gone .. just like that?!

That is nothing more than a massive violation of you human rights and nothing other than pure evil from the troops that throw around labels like 'bigot' and 'racist' like it is confetti!

I realised sme time ago now that, that infamous quote is true ..

Telling the truth truly has become a revolutionary act!

I still maintain that to my utter shock I have seen scientific data that I knew was possible and never ever thought I would see in my lifetime. Not just one but over a dozen of them.

This not only proves CO2 climate change was nonsense all along but it is the TRUTH of the inevitable outcome these datasets are showing that they have been trying to close down.

Take Tim Pool? He does not even realise it but he touched upon a subject I was surprised to see him do and since then he has started having issues with YouTube.

They know that he stocks to the facts, which is why I like him. They also know that with his many subscribers .. if he did a video stating the things that I have .. it will be game over.

They want to stop a certain truth from getting around and when they close you down they do not want it to be obvious WHICH TRUTH it is because any idiot will know that this fact being realised will go viral.

The channel he is expecting to lose is Timcast.

So you have a large number of names .. and hosts and over many years now they all think they are it and God's gift to the world except .. a few points on that front ..

• Now work perfectly
• Never see improvements from them
• Any changes are often for the worst
• Quick to act when they are self-serving
• Want to dictate what you do without telling you
• Number fluctuate and do not make any sense
• Software often does not work with each other
• Cannot even handle simple text formatting
• Refuse to speak to many and those that they do they take forever ..
• But they are all God damn perfect though
• So either sinister or just plain incompetent
• Still want to make billions while sitting on their arses screwing with people's livelihoods
• More and more people were encouraged to make money or do business online
• Except now they want to make it impossible for you even when your honest
• Yes siree a wonderful world we live in, right?!

So then a few pictures and videos and then some screenshots of some numbers ..

Creeping Marshwort .. Apium repens ..

Jewel Beetle ..

Reed Bunting ..

Screen-shots ..

THE X-LABS

I like the letter 'X'. It makes for such cool titles.

I might think like this because from the very first airing I loved the X-Files and still do, owning everything they ever did.

I also loved the X-Men comics when I was a kid, was round long before X-Men films fans were and stunned and disgusted that a film like Days Of Future Past was hailed as brilliant when the truth is it was an abomination to the original story. “Oh but the story?!” fans wail but .. no. Yeah it is a fuckig story that has been knocking around since the seventies. They did not write it but they did bastardise it!

The X-Men of that time, their most famous and popular line up?

Well that would be ..

• Cyclops Not in it
• Phoenix Not in it
• Colossus Not in it
• Nightcrawler Not in it
• Storm Not in it
• Wolverine In it but was useless and no adamantium and not like the original story at all

Could have gotten away with ..

• Beast Though was only involved with Phoenix story as I recall, had moved off to Avengers once blue and furry
• Angel Seriously underused in every .. single .. film
• Banshee One film appearance
• Polaris Cannot recall if she was involved
• Havok One film appearance
• Rogue Technically came along a little later
• Kitty Pride Seen pictures of her with Sentinels but weird as sure she arrived after Dark Phoenix death in issue 138 or later?

• Mystique Yeah .. loved the character but she was NOT part of the X-Men until much later .. same as Magneto

But you know what the problem was? Because many like me thought it was an abomination. Others thought it was great based on the story and I would have preferred it stayed mostly with the future heroes. Except that they all died, lol.

No .. in Hollywood they get extremely big headed .. they all crave approval, worship and money and when they get it, it goes to their heads. Actors and actresses think that every single thing that appear in from then on onwards will get even higher viewings because it is all about talent alone? No dearies .. it is not.

Then you get the directors who all think of themselves along the lines of Pablo Picasso, Rembrandt or perhaps Raphael or Michaeangelo or even Davinci. They think they are no so good and soo talented that they can take something that was hugely popular and make it even better. No dummies .. you cannot.

Anyone notice a little film called Avengers Affinity War? Did you see how much money that made?

Yeah well in no universe with all things done correctly would an Avengers movie make more than the top X-Men stories ..

• Sentinels
• Phoenix
• Starjammers
• Alpha Flight
• Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
• The Hellfire Club
• Magneto several stories
• Probably some I am forgetting
• Apocalypse was actually after my time .. I think?

That is a minimum of eight stories all equal to or greater sellers than the Thanos stories and this does not include several mini series of them battling the Avengers.

Or that they were included in the real Civil War, another abomination but still good movie .. well only because Spiderman was included otherwise it would have been average at best.

Yeah you see I am sorry of you disagree but you do not do not nick the story titles unless you do the fucking story. Otherwise just call it something else.

This holier than thou, Jesus Creepers God Complexes does not only affect the film industry. Do you want to know what else it affects?

Oh and I had better not mention my other love from a kid .. DC Comics and so I like the DC films and .. oh my God! The and only super hero team up that should have made more than even the X-Men, sorry to Marvel fanboys that live in cuckoo-land, is the Justice League. Not a bad film per se but sorry .. way to short, obviously chopped into pieces and after Batman v Superman which could have been a bit better. Too long before anything happens but luckily it was not boring. Also I only saw the extended version so maybe the cinema version was worse?

Probably suffered a little from the director .. directing the films '300' and Watchmen. Both were OK though Watchmen was a little slow but again not boring.

My God .. I can envision the fanboys from different industries all quaking in their boots now worried at what I am going to say next and going to state a name that they have both married and has sexual intercourse with in the dark recesses of their depraved minds.

Umm .. YUP!

No I have to use the letter 'X' for bad reasons which I will get to .. momentarily.

First a run through of industries ..

Camera industry with Nikon and Canon and will likely affect Sony before long .. well kinda has as I am pissed off with them over something.

PC Hardware industry and within the last few days Intel rigged up a nothing short of a whoppoing great lied and announced a totally impossible processor overclocked to the point that the frozen poles melted and if yo stare into the abyss that is the night sky there now exists no Alpha Centauri .. yeah Intel burned it out to keep the shite processor overclocked and .. fucking cold!

OOPS!

AUDIO AND VIDEO INDUSTRY .. and do not even get me fucking started on that one as I can rave on four hours about .. headphone burning in. Supporting certain sound and video files. What difference there is in actual sound file. Don't .. just don't! FLAC .. DSD .. high bit rate MP3's? Just .. DON'T! LOL! OLED, LED and pixels per inch? Yeah .. let us just move in from this one .. swiftly ..

Video Games Industry and I can see one in motion as of right now and think that things are going to blow up in their faces over the next year or two. A company I love too! But this happens every time and when it goes wrong the bitch and complain and blame everyone else for their mistakes. Bethesda. Yeah good luck with your tunnel vision and online games because like everything else you do one good thing, think your Gods and all have rights to money for nothing for the rest of your days while sitting on your butts? They have all become Hollywood actors?! Lol.

Software Industry .. ooh all the fucking large companies sucking up offensive amounts of money while claiming to be left-wing and caring about the people?! Yeah .. we will get to that momentarily.

All actually dreaming of taking over and ruling the world because they are accessed and have access to money right around the world. They can control, mislead and get money from absolutely anywhere in the world. Hmm now who would have realised and placed a vested interest in misleading the world? Billionaires who are a few pennies short and politicians?

Yeah recipe for disaster that one that should have been handled years ago but I was ignored and now is blowing up in their faces. Fake News anyone? Americans spying on European businesses anyone? Chinese government spying on America anyone? Facebook storing user's data anyone? Amazon putting hundreds of stores out of business but the idiot UK government who cannot get into trouble, seem untouchable the UK government, let them get away without paying corporation tax for years .. anyone? No .. ANYONE?!

Notice I have left one out? Yeah OK I have left out one or two no doubt, like Apple for instance .. phone suddenly getting to slow? Upgraded phone .. anyone? Anyone?!

No the name I have left out is where the 'X' marks the proverbial spot!

I said for a long, long time that each of these organisations wants to rule or control the world and oddly enough in the time I was not paying attention buzzwords appeared like 'Globalism' and 'Elitism' and 'Elitists' along with terms like 'New World Order'. What the actual hell?!

Yeah friends and family are not big surfers and beyong the funny joke or picture do not look around very much. I fact one openly admits he refuse to watch the mainstream news because it is “too depressing” and well .. Jesus Christ .. as we all know that is the watered down fucking news! His is only now starting to realise this.

Yeah .. I kinda left out the one and only .. Google!

I read a report years ago where I discovered they had this Google-X secret laboratory and I had heard about them working on Androids.

Years of being amazed at the mistakes in the tech press, 28 Core 5GHZ Star Killer Intel CPU anyone? Coming out this year when there is only 6 months left of the year? Yeah, I thought .. 'What else are you fucking working on in this secret lab you can obviously easily pay for, like the 300 companies you bought, because you have Bloggers and YouTubers working for you like slaves while you hoover up ad revenue from other companies like there is no tomorrow. 300 and climbing of which you then fucking well bought out!

Well what else have they been working on at this secret lab I have not heard reported on sice I heard about it may years ago? This secret place .. Google's X-Lab?

How about mind control to control the masses?!

Lol .. yeah I bet your thinking “what a raving nutter?!” as most probably do until they find out I am serious and .. right! Yeah well do not take my word for it as this has not only come out .. it was put to Google and they admitted it and .. played it down .. lol ..

EDIT:

What is under threat are

Discussions, Parodies, Memes, Linking, Blogs, Livestream, Remix

There is a petition .. of sorts ..

https://saveyourinternet.eu/#newmode-embed-4348-4439

END EDIT

Did anyone keep an eye out to see if Stan Smith is standing around the street corner with a ray-gun?!

LMAO!

I have this theory .. I want to prove .. let us see something, shall we?

I have this theory, you see, that these fanboys are so passionate and so obsessive that they simply cannot control either themselves or their mouths. No matter that these companies do not give a shot about whether they live or die .. as long as they get their money and are working as foot soldiers for free.

I do not get comments really, which is the way I prefer it in all honesty.

But will I now get a flurry of them?!

LMAO!

Do Google care about you when you have worked your butt off for free for years and acted as there personal foot soldiers?

Yeah .. like fuck do they ..

THE GREEN FIRE

I have got up feeling quite rough.

Now I thought I was going to be OK but .. no.

I have woken up with e very sore throat and a cough that began last night as just a minor .. annoying cough. I really thought that the way that I had bee hit that I might feel OK today? But .. no.

It is not having a good effect on my anxiety either and I have been coughing up green and yellow crap all morning.

My head is feeling light too and I am a little nauseous.

I simply cannot believe how this keeps on happening lately and I have so much to do! It simply does not bear thinking about and a knife to the chest seems attractive right now.

When I received my inheritance, half of which was stolen from me, I thought that was it and I would never be in this situation ever again and with these feelings.

But, of course, the government had other ideas. Only they did not tell me this. In fact it was quite the opposite ..they encourage me to invest in starting my own business .. encouraged everyone to start there own business without borrowing any money, which was frankly beyond ridiculous as well as unrealistic. Weekly meetings with advisors and another biweekly meeting with a Jobcoach, after previously being kicked off both Incapacity Benefit and Personal Independent Payments (disability) for which many Doctors have stated they should not have done anyway.

That reminds me .. I need to email Frank Field MP as well as the Work & Pensions Select Committee to see if they want me to forward them the emails I had regarding the NEA, JC and staring my business?

I have now done that!

I included a large breakdown of the major points and I even pointed out to Frank Field MP that my solicitor, Pauline Hunter from Mary Ward Legal waxed lyrical about him for twenty minutes once she got over the shock of him now being my MP.

I also pointed out that I have emails regarding the Job Centre and the NEA scheme which are all still sitting on my system that I can forward to either the Work & Pensions Select Committee or Frank Field MP or both.

I have also pointed out something that I only noticed recently .. yesterday or the day before, and that my blogs have been missing their .. ADVERTS!

Now this is funny and also a perfect example of how things can just go wrong because I was expecting my first ever payment from this about a year ago. But it never came.

Then all this happened ..

• PIP and IB cancelled (2016)
• Plans to go from JSA to WTC and NEA cancelled five days after going self-employed (2017)
• ESA refused (2016)
• Several Doctors, one A&E state that the DWP should not touch me with my medical records
• Farcical Atos assessment (2016 or 2017)
• Get talked into going on NEA by JSA when I hear of my inheritance coming
• Have half my inheritance stolen by a family member Probate Court does NOT investigate
• Spend well over £20,000 of my £32,000 inheritance on photography equipment and a car .. NEEDED FOR ALL MANNER OF THINGS .. my disability, relocating, photography, blogging, daughter, grandchildren etc (2017)
• That while in and out of hospital over self-harming, anxiety attacks and chest pain (2016 through 2017)
• Daughter victim of domestic violence (2017)
• Sparking up historical court case (taking place January 2018 Liverpool Crown Court)
• Job Centre pull rug from under me with NEA & WTC five days after going self-employed
• Get told one grandchild autistic .. major problems (2017)
• I offer to move to Wirral from London to help .. (2017)
• Expect help to not be forthcoming for grandchildren from authorities (2017)
• Expect to continue my blogging and photography business while here (2017)
• Discover my daughter has my disability while here .. been stumping her Doctors for months if not years
• Get told youngest granddaughter is Autistic, now two of four,  and worse then her older sister, already a major problem, showing signs of violence, aggression and several meltdowns each day
• Discover that for some bizarre reason the authorities are SLOW today when it comes to diagnosing or helping with Autistic children
• Pay another £2,200 for 6 months rent in advance
• Find out that Universal Credit is only paying me half the money, rent only .. no explanation
• Previous heart and chest issues of pain, palpitations and now irregular heart beating increases in frequency from once or twice a month to once or twice a day with a few days here ad there were everything is calm
• Find out the £3,000 final payment I thought I would get is only £800
• Discover my daughter has no less than three cancer scares and it does not look good
• Finally see a Doctor after an inordinate wait but sent to cardiologist and give diazepam to go with the other 6 drugs I have to take
• Contract three lots of flu-like viruses while here, first lasting five weeks, have one right now
• Anxiety through the roof
• Praying that Pauline Hunter of Mary Ward is successful in reinstating PIP .. not hopeful on this
• Discover that my adverts on my blog have been missing which explains why I did not get my very first payment about a year back when I expected .. Google being typically aloof and evil have not answered to requests as to why this is
• My daughter and myself or both worn down and our nerves are frayed t the very edges

Currently having difficulty getting back to flat a .. (OOPS WENT OUT)

That is the vastly broken down version of things to occur that I sent to Frank Field MP and the Work and Pensions Select Committee.

I omitted a few other things that happened in 2016 .. just wanted to concentrate, at least here, on just the events of 2017.

The idea being that there is no one that could stop and ask themselves just how many things any normal person can have happen in the course of a year! I mean you would have to be bloody naïve to not see how that is a major set of events to take place?!

But the government decided to shaft me anyway, still are and are doing it to the two generations below me too!

My daughter is till trying to get told of her diagnosis by phone because she forgot to attend appointment .. she has my memory issues and like I have said it can affect you regardless of the importance or severity of the thing you are forgetting.

She has now been told she needs to phone the hospital .. she has since done that and they now want her in tomorrow, I believe she said? She has gone out, my memory is foggy and I obviously cannot confirm this with her right now.

This is just one of two biopsies taken fro different parts of the body .. but in places that would ut the fear of god into most women and that does not include a third one I expect them to take a biopsy of that lies slap-bang between the other two?!

I really, really do not know what I am going to do it this turns out to be anything .. I really, really do not and if I said I was scared as hell over just that alone it would be an understatement.

I am 48 with some health conditions that bugger me up as it is and seem to be getting worse all the time.

If anything was to happen to my daughter it would just be me .. two autistic children showing violent tendencies and having meltdowns through lack of help and support .. one needy-boy that screams the place down when not getting Haribos, Chocolate, Juice more and more food or not going to bed and that is when he is not winding up the other three.

If I am not killed over the potentially fatal news I am going to be killed by three children while attempting to care for them because there is no one else!

Jesus Christ .. how did life get this bad?

I have eve wondered whether or not .. if the worst was to happen .. and the authorities here were just crap and not helpful whether I would just return to London with them? Well not London exactly, no one in their right mind would want to live there today .. but one of the home counties? At least there I would have my own family members .. though with their own difficulties with the way the country is not sure if they could be much help beyond merely moral support?

Yesterday .. Sunday .. older with Autism .. several meltdowns before midday. Not enough milk in her cereals, despite being plenty. Bail water out of toilet before anyone is awake, water pouring through ceiling and into kitchen. Had already filled up the bath and been told-off. Empties second loaf of bread out that day leaving it all to go hard. Empties second tub of butter out everywhere. I go into the kitchen point to find her on a chair pouring last of the milk into half a jar of Black-current jam. That was one out of four children .. we are told she will get worse and I am seeing it. She meltdowns because she wants to sleep in mother's bed every single night, because she knows she can keep coming downstairs and she does .. a dozen times a night up until 11pm or later. Nearly took her little sister's head off a few times. Kicks, punches and bites .. does not share and we have four children!

Were told the younger one will be worse and already she does not speak more than three words and only singly.

Oh .. and my daughter just came back .. asked if we could go and pick up the older of the two with autism from pre-school, I believe it is, and hit me with a curve-ball ..

She was supposed to see her current landlord and hand in her notice to leave the property because another one has been offered to her by someone called Riverside a few weeks back. It is not exactly suitable but more suitable than the current one.

She decided to not hand in her notice! Therefore not move and remain in an unsuitable property.

Oddly this is down to the Fibromyalgia .. you get too quick to do stuff, get things at a moments notice and agree to them or even buy them and later you regret it.

I have spent many years learning not to do this but I till do form time to time and it is most annoying. But I have got this down to a minimum now and even now there are a lot of things I could do but I don't. Because the situation and the money s too precarious.

But I see a lot of wastage here with the children .. the food bill makes my mind boggle and this includes buying from the cheapest stores, like Lidl, Home & Bargain, B&M and Asda.

The reason for the change of heart it not wanting to have to take the children to school on a bus.

Here is a reason why and another one for today ..

We left the house to go and pick up the second youngest and the youngest one started to scream her head off the moment we got into my car. This continued and got louder all the way to the school .. then continued while I waited for her mother to return with the other daughter .. who has already helped herself to things in the kitchen without asking. Her screams were accompanied by a tantrum where she was kicking the hell out of the back of my car seat, so I was feeling repeated kicking into the small of my back.

Now imagine two of them doing that on a bus with another demanding Haribos and juice and crying his head off? The oldest will not want to be seen within a hundred miles of that fiasco and is at his wits end at times and is only ten.

I simply cannot imagine what things will be like a year from now?!

I have already walked about the back yard upon our return wondering if I should just return to London in the new year?!

My hearing is dull and I did not even want to drive because of that .. along with the coughing fits or deep coughs I have been experiencing since waking this morning.

Oh and she has to call the hospital tomorrow.

I did think that rushing for that home that become available was a bit too .. well, rushed. I wanted to tell her to slow down and think about it, after all it was a 3 bedroom property so the same as she was in already. She does not seem to think that the authorities will provide her with a 5 bedroom property which is what she will need if these children are to not suffer.

Like I have said over and over and over again .. it is an impossible and mind-boggling situation and no one at all appears to be helping in any way, while the dragging of feet and the refusal of help by all the authorities just appears to be accepted.

Maybe all those meetings that are supposed to be about these 'at-risk children have worn her down until there is nothing left?

The annoying part of all this is that if she still had the car I bought her or had been provided with a car because she has three disabilities in a family of five she would not have changed her mind about moving.

But then the positive side of me is trying to tell myself that this might work out for the best? Maybe she will get the help and support that has been held back for reasons unknown and be in a better position when the next property comes along? Maybe it might even be a more suitable property?

Maybe she is disappointed that the crowd-funding I set up for her has not worked?

It is both difficult to know and .. awkward to broach certain .. subjects with her.

Sometimes I think I am helping being here, before long I will look after two children while she then goes and picks up a third. It is difficult to get back to my own flat when I am expected to .. look after children at certain times.

My best chances are the weekend but have spent two weekends now feeling as sick as a parrot, this time with flu-like symptoms and anxiety after someone got me to drink too much on a Friday night and last week .. bad anxiety that lasted all of Saturday.

I end up thinking .. 'Oh I can do that Monday' but it never occurs .. or at any other day of week either.

I have even had a friend ask me why I am here so much and I simply answer that I .. think it is because I am taking some pressure of her. Not having to drag two autistic children all the way to nursey and pre-school and back before dragging them all out again at 3pm to get a third child?

I keep thinking of those families where a mother is found dead .. or a family where the mother take the lives of themselves and their children and think that if there are situations like this in the country then I am beginning to understand why.

It is like some master plan to kill off a percentage of the population the government or their puppeteers deem unworthy, which oddly comes down to how much money you have or who you are?!

The country is in a far, far worse place than the mainstream news media re letting on and even I imagined it would get to.