Monday, 25 December 2017
THAT CHRISTMAS PART TWO
Well to me.
I have some pictures of the kids .. well the backs of their heads as they walked into the living room and see their presents. Half of which I did not expect to work out of the box and the other half not working by the end of the day.
It has come close on both occasions and not quite through the day just yet.
It is about to be vacuumed in here for the third time today already and we still have a couple hours to go yet.
It was funny at one point when the grandmother and my ex, and great grandmother came with their presents. I had vacuumed .. I think? Maybe it was after she left? Cannot recall as per normal.
Just been told someone is getting in the bath because they are tired. I am not surprised in the least.
It was good seeing the kids excited but .. there is so much work .. on yeah?
So the grandmother was around and was picking things up off the floor ad she said "God, I am glad I don't have to do this anymore!"
I thought to myself "My God, you have been in here 5 minutes, complaining about the state of the floor .. stating that your glad you do not have to do it anymore and I have been here for getting on for three months, heart and chest issues and now one hell of a anxiety ride to boot!"
They handed me a load of toys to unpack and get working when I am stressed out and tired beyond belief, having anxiety attacks and .. still have this damn Aussie flu virus. That was the second time I had been handed stuff. Some robotic toys were bought from Home & Bargains I told them not to bother with because they will be fiddly, complicated and probably wont work. I had already put together a few things when I got lumbered with that one. Prior to the grandmother arriving. One that the council now does not trust. Which is why I came .. because of someone else as per usual and so often happened in the past.
An end grommit to a shaft for a motor would not fit out of the dozes of pieces that it contained within the confines of its box. During trying to figure this out I was then asked to perform two or three other tasks by the same boy I was trying to do this for. It was insane and there are three other children!
Oh god .. I have just been given another one and this one is a car where the first one was a windmill and I think my brain is going to melt, I really, really do.
I spent all day putting on a brave face but due to the anxiety and chest issues playing up and this damned flu I just kept telling myself .. I cannot do this!
I might have to return by the end of January of things do not pick up, up here in the financial part as I am just haemorrhaging money, more slowly than before but still haemorrhaging money.
I just cannot keep it together and I cannot even retreat to my flat and even if I could .. the anxiety now would just drive me insane.
I am feeling guilty because I do not think I am being a help here any longer and the help they need from me is simply not there anymore. My finances .. yes I could sell my car but if I do that I would end up stranded here and not know how in the hell to get back to London.
It is nowhere near how I pictured it would be and I am going to have to tell them that I feel inadequate .. tired and finding keeping on top of my own health a problem.
This business with the cancer scare just seems to drag on and on as does the business with the children being diagnosed. Well life and health issues do not put themselves on hold until public services sort themselves out and nor do they start when the public services say that they start.
Of course there were fights .. but I am told that is how it is.
I am .. stuck when someone says that because I just do not know. Though I did have younger brothers and a sister and I do not recall it being like this. I had friends with children and do not recall seeing or hearing any stories of it being quite like this.
Never heard of a living room that had to be vacuumed three times in one day either.
Maybe I am just not used to it? Maybe I am just getting old?
Maybe I am breaking the rules of my own health condition when it states that I should not be over doing it? I am also not getting light exercise as my bike is back in London?
Maybe it is a combination of some or all of the above?
Added to this is this damned flu which has hung on and hung on. I am not missing those hospital appointments .. of that I am decided. I have been messed about for far too long about things that should have been checked over a year ago. There is an argument that maybe it should have been long before even that?
The difficulty with he children was not expected and as I stated it has gotten worse since I have been here.
But despite the fact I have thought about going home a great deal .. I always feel guilty about it. But I have tried to get help in all manner of ways but it just has not started to happen.
I figure that if it has not shown any sign of anything positive happening by the end of January then it never will. In which case instead of waiting until it is too late and having to require someone else's help I should plan my return. There will only be a couple of months left on my tenancy anyway by the end of January. I had been told that the landlord had found someone interested in the flat anyway .. bloody typical as I had been told it had been empty with no interest in renting or buying t in six months .. as soon as I am there .. in a matter of a few weeks someone is supposed to show interest in the place?
This is an area where places can go empty for long periods of time, that much is true.
The cooker also id not work and a very nice neighbour, rather cute too, offered for us to use her oven to cook the turkey so there I was in the front garden .. trying to get a defiant autistic two year old to stay in the house while just cooked and piping hot food was passed over to me a but at a time and I ferried it to the dining room. The turkey itself, pork jackets, sausage jackets, flak jackets or whatever they are called along with some roast potatoes and parsnips.
Ooh I must upload the pictures from my phone and upload them to my crowd funding.
Was thinking that maybe every one doubted the validity of the crowd funding campaigns .. what with their being no pictures of children .. or only an old one on one of the campaigns? Stick one or two on for a month and see how that goes?
As for the myriad of presents .. yeah all cash converter and CEX stuff .. well a couple along with some naff things from Home & Bargains. One I could not get to work.
A few people will be gutted if I tell them I plan to return or am just thinking about it.
I am just really suffering, worrying about my evaporating finances, lack of help, flu and .. feeling like a third and rusty wheel right now.
Maybe that will change in time?
Fibromyalgia really turns into a bitch and then you discover no one gives a crap about it .. though ..
.. I was shocked to see that Lady Gaga had it and talked about it in her video Five Foot Two. He exact words were ..
"I do not know how anyone copes with this who has no money"
It was on Netflix .. my daughter put it on.
I must get back to my flat for a night or two and hope that the anxiety does not go wild on me like it did the last tie I tried to do that?
Thursday, 20 March 2014
NOW THE COUNCIL TO THE COURT
Oh yeah and the cheeky fecks absolutely insist on asking for all your bloody details before they let you email them via there webpage?!
END EDIT
Oh as you will find out tomorrow at some point the date is a lie too!! He has put down the 21st March when it was the 20th and this at first seemed a bit weird as they normally put an rather date on the letters to make it look like you have ignored then longer than you have!
END SECOND EDIT
Sent from myMail app for Android
Monday, 6 January 2014
SAY DISABLED OR DIE
In my own experiences that have persisted for years I have had a great deal of problems. This manifested themselves in many different ways and forms.
At the same time I had long since worked out that those paid to help me and have us think there is a safety net was quite the opposite. Those we have been taught fur years that we can tryst have been acting against us.
Fibromyalgia is a living nightmare to deal with and live with and this is certainly true in my case. This is because it affected both feet, both knees, both hips, my entire back, right hand and many other areas.
I had also long since explained that I am a fidget arse and cannot keep still. So I also had mental health issues but not crazy. This was diffused by a Doctor Cody as an Anxiety Disorder and had previously, long since, been diagnosed with depression.
So I had long since previously explained that I had a reading battle that went on daily. The mental torture of staying indoors or the physical pain of leaving the house. Added to all that I have Fibrofog which means I have short term memory problems. Now I had previously been under the impression that this has been going on for 13 years as this is when it started to become difficult to desk with them all in a daily basis. That is thirteen years and in that time I have been through some real horror stories and then some. I had serious difficulties with my daughter and grandchildren deliberately and intentionally brought about quite shockingly by a Social Workers department of a local council. Two children nearly died as a result and a miracle no one died.
Along with this is the fact that I had several falling outs with both friends and family members through lack of understanding, not being able to be the centre of attention or just believing I was lying because they simply could not accept my claims that all members of NHS staff lie from GP's, Nurses as well as specialists. Combined I got the rocks and scrabbled around trying to survive while starting sane. At times I just wanted to end my own life not because I was mad but purely because there were simply too many battles even for my capabilities and intellect and there was no one there behind me for moral or physical support. I have come close several times to ending it all.
So I am a unique person with a long list of skills and a long list of knowledge based. I have also been through a lot of physical pain that had for progressively worse. Plus I am well aware too of the difficulties of mental disorders for the most part. Not many could lay claim to these things and I would be thoroughly impressed as well as wanting to meet the person in question. Provided their walls of reality did not give way under the strain?!
You see I survived... BARELY! But what I realised a very long time ago is that with each horror there would have been someone who failed to survive. That is each horror story where others would not have survived. I did. But I did not have one or two horror stories, oh no. I would hazard a guess and without counting that nine would number well in excess of a dozen. In excess of two dozen would not surprise me at all. So just how many people would have ceased to be had thousands upon thousands been out through what I had would be in the thousands. Those that would have survived would be in the singular figures. Those that would have survived completely unscathed mentally would be just one and barely so.
So it occurred to me many years ago that there would be people who had taken their own lives as well as those considering the idea at the time I decided to do this blog. So there were a great many people I thought I would be able to help even if it was the solace that someone somewhere is fighting fit then and with some pretty ingenious plans. I thought this would go a great deal further too by showing that these organisations are neither invulnerable and not are they impervious. I also wanted to show that they are not above the law and, as one CAB advisor put it, a law into themselves. You see it is we the public that provided these positions of privilege that have all been abused. It would therefore be perfectly understandable and well within our rights to take those away. Not replacing it with some other madcap scheme or organisation waiting in the wings to simply want to take advantage, like that idiot in Egypt.
As I went along with my full intentions being obvious to everyone that visited here I also was aware that every step closer I got would give many people peace. Hopefully what started out as reaction of ' he is mad to 'he is wrong' to 'he cannot possibly do this on his own' right up to the realisation that I both can as well as will do this.
I would also like to think I saved a few more lives than those I already had, where 99% of them do not even realise it and certain... organisations would like and have claimed it was 'they' that did it.
There were a great many people I could help by publishing birth current endeavours along with previous ones. Maybe my thinking and explanations to what I do and HOW I do it may give others ideas to do the same?
A great many things that I had intended well start to reveal themselves this year. So will many other things too.
I have now applied for Personal Independence Payments and have recorded myself doing so. Oddly I walked into the Job Centre and told you only do it online. Followed by some 'no I dont's' and 'yes I do's, Lol. Then I showed them the letter I had posted on here to some very puzzled looks. They then let my ring the number on the letter only to get a recording starting it was the wing number and given yet another.
So things do actually change but unfortunately not for the better.
I came on here to act on behalf of all those who had been lied to by those they thought they could trust. Also for those with a life of miserable pain. Also those with the stresses and nightmares of mental health issues such as bipolar.
Yes I had to come up with a few tricks to get the evidence that strongly points to the facts or as I have managed on occasion hearing it straight from the horses mouth! I hope to have achieved that already and whether I have our not I hope to achieve a great deal more. The very beginning of 2014 has me in a very good and enviable position and these are simple facts. I will achieve fat, far greater things this year than I did in 2013. When I do this benefits everyone. That is the general idea. Well almost everyone.
I started out as I meant to go on and that is honest and open and desire the pressures to start being dishonest I simply refused to change. I would never become those that I despised, my name is not Steve Jobs nor is it Erik Schmidt. I gave the wider public something the dearly wanted and needed, even if they were not consciously aware of it just yet. An idea that despite the confused meagre given it by our own leaders, as well as other world leaders, that you can prevail by being honest, honourable and open and that you do not have to belong to a religion or sect to be so either.
In my experience I have not come across a great many that are both honest and understanding I am afraid to say. Just as it was on here and likely still is to a degree I was doubted. Just as I did in reality I had to keep going and just push my way through it but as I said I had first hand experience of this. At least when I was doing it this way I would have a lot less in the way of naive statements made to me without any forethought brute starting it. Even if there were many, I believe there was just one, I could simply ignore them and tell myself that it is worth continuing as others will get help in one form our another.
Of course in time I could bring about change for the better and so innocent people paying for the indiscretions of others who fell they should not have to pay for their own actions. In time I intended for this to change and I will do so. All you need to do is force them into a corner and then make them refuse that they have no choice and that sober or later they are going to have to do what they should have done in the beginning. Indeed it will become obvious to all the public office that we hate and the government is that leaving it until later or the eleventh hour is not necessarily a good thing.
A good example is that during 2014 it will become obvious that I am making like very difficult for them and that the writing is on the wall that they will need to do as they should or else. If they decided to take the eleventh hour option they might just find that having a genius with a blog giving them pressure has been replaced by an excrement large angry mob, the Police are too scared or do not want to deal with, burning effigies of you on your front lawn?!
The continuous storms will likely give way to the worst snow blizzards and then a general election where nothing changes.
The simple fact I'd that this at the top that have had all common sense and intelligence drain away from them because they are in lofty positions that seen to cause it need to smell the coffee. They need to smell the coffee quick too because no amount of money can keep calm several million people or more. You will not be able to build an impenetrable wall with it so your desperate desire to hang onto privileges will prove to be the making of your demise.
Hearing that been counter harping on today made me realise that they will just continue to sleepwalk into this fate. I do not think it will be long now before they seal their fates completely. I was surpassed also at the further destruction of legal aid, did not raise there were any left, and they a number of professional people within the legal system were protesting?! That was a surprise I can tell you! But this is to little too late.
Look around in here if you are a solicitor or barrister?! How many horrors dies one have to endure before he or she had the right to legal representation? I have an idiot from Irwin Mitchell on take choosing i can take them to court if I die?! This is how Jimmy Savile got away with things because there simply is toil much protection to celebrities and money who have judges award them the most utterly ridiculous things and shocking sums of money. Low paid, poor, disabled and mental health sufferers cannot even muster so much as a legal letter out of solicitors.
I mean when you consider everything I have been through with everything I have done and all the evidence I have gathered together and I cannot find a solicitor even interested enough to read about what evidence I have?! What chance does anyone else have?
What they all now should have long since realised I'd that I will continue on regardless. Those protocols and procedures designed and put in place to make you go away and so asking will not work on me. In fact what happens is something you did not foresee.
The longer it goes on and the more I state the exact same thing the more people realise I am telling the truth here about everything.
The longer it goes on and the longer that this claiming to be there for you is wriggled out of then the more people will realise that you are indeed a lying, amoral, corrupt and cold organisation.
So the more or had gone on the better it is for me and the worse it will be for you.
I am now in the process of firing off another set of salvos only this time all will be simultaneous and with an audience that will be greater than 100,000 people which will in turn grow quickly.
With every passing day your hole is getting ever deeper and the only option you have and have put in place is to either dig faster or bury your head in the sand. If your not careful you may find someone fills in the hole on to of you or kick you up the arse as it is sticking up in the air rather invitingly.
Remember this is not a personality contest and only about the truth and also please recall I have never been against any cuts. I an, however, against the cuts that have been put in place.
Some of these have been performed against people who cannot do things for themselves, fight for themselves and many other things besides.
Your actions are crimes against humanity and many other things besides and serif against this purely shoe that you are uncouth and uncivilised and not in favour of a fair or a civilised society. You cannot win this argument either as not only is their no rebuttal available but you have proved over and over again that you lute and bullshit!
But the that is what the position is there days, is it not? You do not run the country at all and just go around and making it appear that you do. It is just a position of fame in that you will go in the history books and be remembered.
Sigh!
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
GP DECLARES CURE FOR ALL MENTAL ILLS
This is really going to be a breakthrough?!
Someone who is kind of part of my family went to their Doctor and said they were feeling depressed. As it turns out the Doctor had a miraculous new cure that she then divulged to him and it will change the worlds and save billions of pounds?!
The treatment is as follows and as directed to do by the GP, in North London yet again...
..."When you first look at yourself in the mirror in the morning...SMILE!"
I kid you not! What a patronising bitch?! She is damn lucky she did not day that to me I would have exploded in a tirade of abuse and but rested until she was struck off!
What patronising and condescending attitudes they have, what do they think they are a higher firm of life as will as intelligence?!
It is an absolute disgrace that people can be treated and lied to in this way and I will make sure that 2013 will NEVER be forgotten by ANYONE prepared to treat people like crap!
When you compare this to the attitude to everyone working and those but working which includes disabled people it is starting to show signs of similarities with concentration camps?!
That is how I felt when i was lied to about the unsound scan telling me blatantly lying that I don't have s hernia that will kill me that I artwork do have and he knew it too!
My landlord owns his own building firm and I bumped into him today. When i told him what had happened regarding the lying Doctor and that I had also recorded it he reacted with shock. I think he has lost count of the number of times I have shocked him and her then said "It's bollocks ain't it?!" Lol.