UNFAIR TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS

This one I've wondered whether or not to speak about but as progress on so many things has been so slow .. I thought I would.

Domestic violence is a bad, bad thing.

It is not something I ever thought would happen to someone I was related to but has now happened twice that I know of.

This latest one end up with scarring on their arms, one child nearly thrown out of a window and they're are other things that must be far worse because they won't tell me.

There are things I have been told that are just too graphic to put on here.

The victim of scared about a lot of things ..

Three cancer scares I keep taking about.

Two autistic children.

Her other odd symptoms she now knows is a disability she inherited from me which involves memory problems.

Two other children, four in total, and getting them stuff for school, to school and everything else that comes with it.

I watch her struggle in the mornings .. and yet the children somehow have a good attendance record. I simply don't know how.

This morning she was later than usual. You could see her frustration.

Two autistic children screaming over something or the other and needy-boy bleating, he is always loud and high pitched, about food or other things.

The very idea that this might become my responsibility fills me with absolute terror! If I'm still alive of it ever comes to that.

Last night she said something that worried me I never mentioned in that previous post ..

.. she is intending to refuse treatment is inevitable they are going to need to have to give her.

Basically excision of pre-cancer. Might be worse yet, they don't really know. It's just classed on high-grade based on what are small biopsies.

We still have a biopsy result from another area yet!

And I'm sitting here waiting for this damn double flu to pass so I can help more than I am?!

I've made sacrifices I never dreamed I would make.

I'm living in an area I never dreamed I'd ever live in, in a million years.

I'm wondering if my heart will give up at some point or I'm rushed into hospital.

But I have to watch in silent frustration and anger as she does what she has to do.

It's a date worse than death and by the looks of it, for both of us.

I've often championed good causes on here over the years .. I never imagined I'd become part of a really bad one myself?!

Maybe she will change her mind again like she did the house?

So .. will he get sentenced?

I heard one accusation .. despite being unconscious with a fever for an hour or two while another support worker was here .. in a zombie like state I had to hold back, or try, convulsions as I wanted to laugh.

It involved having something done to him that was .. phallic and .. a place where sunlight does not come to rest?!

I have suddenly been asked for a Police check. No problem there .. kinda funny. I wonder what he said about that which would warrant a Police check? I gave my addresses and date and place of birth accordingly.

Maybe when they have checked I might get told what this accusation is? Well I know he is a lying piece of scum but then every single one of his type have turned out to be like that anyway. I am told its part of their .. culture towards others.

In fact he and his brethren have made my life a living hell for the last ten years. That is ten years and despite the fact that they have been helped and allowed to do this .. the victims and sufferers of their actions have been kicked in the teeth .. repeatedly.

I have lost count of the number of times I have ended up in A&E. The number of Doctors and Specialists across GP Surgeries and Hospitals. It is now seven for the former and six or seven for the latter. Though I am expecting the latter to increase.

The torture of what these people are allowed to get away with along with the symptoms I have had to endure, anxiety being the worst and has you praying to die, what your own public services do to you on top of all this is .. just inhuman of the highest order.

So here we are wondering if he will get away with it because we hear of others that have gotten away with it.

If he does he fully expects to get back into the fold, so to speak, as if nothing has happened.

We thought that maybe there was something .. wrong with him .. like being autistic himself but one of the visiting support workers says no. He states that he is very nice normally and polite but when the subject of his .. wife rolls around he .. turns.

If I die and an forced to return to this Earth at some point them I pray it's a far better world than this one?!

THE WINTER OF THE FAMILY OF DISCONTENT

Fear.

That is what I fear the most.

But fear is something that is meant to be a warning to us .. except that .. is not always the case. Not in my case at any rate.

In my case any one single fear can be too much. That is one problem.

Fear of things that you should not be frightened of .. things that .. you never used to be frightened of .. things that are .. well to put it plainly .. stupid.

I cannot describe how frustrating this is when it is not taking place.

I cannot describe how painful this is when it does.

Now imagine a long list of things?

One thing. That is all it would take to ease all of this .. just one thing.

This could be an email or a letter .. it could come as a phone-call.

It could from a family member and be about the remainder of the inheritance that was stolen from us all?

It could be from a solicitor stating that my PIP is getting reinstated?

It could be from the DWP themselves telling me they re reinstating the living component .. though this would only be  short term measure but enough time to get everything else sorted out .. with any luck?

It could be something else form the DWP .. an apology that they lied to me and cheated me .. claiming they did not realise .. well for one specific occasion. Reinstating the NEA payments they promised for 13 weeks?

Any of this and more only helps me to help others and primarily my family.

Alternatively I could hear something from the other adult among the family I find myself trying to help 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Extra money for the fact that there are two Autistic children out of four .. something that is fairly rare though we did read about some poor parent that had three autistic children!

A proper place that is suitable for all four children and preferably out of the area altogether.

Judging fro what I am hearing the area is on the verge of collapse .. after hearing about a taxi driver telling us that he and a lod of other taxi drivers are leaving Birkenhead altogether because they are getting no fares and therefore .. no money.

It could be the offer of proper schooling for the two autistic ones along with provisions, one way or another, for the things required to make things less demanding on us.

But it is still the other issues tat are bothering .. probably the most of all and have rising steadily to the top of the primary tree .. because of the tests for cancer and the reactions of all involved within the health service.

I tend to know professional people only too well and the only reasons they react in the way that they have is either it is something serious .. or they are covering themselves because they think they missed something. Either way it is not good and has us on edge.

That brings with it a possible inevitability and one that has to be thought about .. because there are no less than four children's futures at stake.

That .. is .. the most petrifying.

That has now been made worse by reading that the government does not offer much in the way of help for sole carers of children that are related. Grandparents or Uncles and Aunties for instance.

It is simply staggering for a country that likes to act to the rest of the world as if they are the greatest things since the proverbial sliced bread.

I was writing this as a Family Support Worker was visiting. Seems like another OK guy, a bit like the Health Visitor who we are now presented with a book by, Jacky or Jackie Fleming I think is her name?

He has now gone and while were were both smoking .. yeah try quitting when you have what we have going on and I did quit before for three years, we finally found out something from the hospital.

They also stated that she would need treatment. Hence why she has not been discharged but then I was pretty convinced that she would. The worry was and still is how .. dangerous this turns out to be.

There is yet another clinical meeting and the words 'high grade' and 'lesion' have been mentioned and therefore we have yet another long agonizing wait. Around three weeks by the sound of it.

Now I have to go and look up with this all means ..

Hmm does not really tell us much more than we already know?

Back to the never ending waiting game I guess?

Fully expecting the treatment to mean 'excision'.

Now we just have to get through Christmas and the New Year and maybe .. a move to a new house?

I pray to God the new house makes life .. easier .. even if it is just a little .. keeping children out of kitchen and away form the foods will certainly be a lot easier.

Away from each other in their rooms will be, or should be .. a lot easier.